YSaC, Vol. 941: With the Hulkster, You Get Egg Roll.
DECORATIVE CERAMIC CHINESE PIZZA
FREE!!! DECORATIVE CERAMIC CHINESE PIZZA MODEL OF HULK HOGAN. COMES WITH REAL HAIR AND CLASSIC “SKIN OF HOT DOG” LOOK. MADE BY CINCO IN 1989. QUALITY. HURRY UP AND FREE! DO NOT WASTE TIME BUYING UNQUALITY ONE WHEN THERE IS ONE FOR FREE. CALL J. LORD AT ###-###-####. PUT ON YOUR FRONT PORCH, MICROWAVE, AND OTHER NOTICEABLE PLACES IN LIVING PLACE! BUY NOW, IT’S FREE! IT’S A CHINESE PIZZA DOLLA! EGG ROLL, FORTUNE COOKIE, NOODLES TOPPINGS.
OK, let’s parse this puppy. Ready? We’re going in….
Decorative? Check.
Ceramic? Check.
Chinese? Um, OK, sure – it’s made in China.
Pizza? Wait – what now?
Model of Hulk Hogan? OK, I understand what that is.
So THIS sentence would make some sense if you just got rid of the word “pizza.” Let’s pretend that’s not there and move on.
“Comes with real hair and classic ‘Skin of Hot Dog’ look.”
Erm…. Was Hulk Hogan stuffed into a sausage casing, natural or synthetic? I don’t REMEMBER that about “Suburban Commando,” but then, I only remember the jokes about the mime. For that matter, did he even have real hair? I have no idea.
“Hurry up and free!”
Free what? WHAT? Aung San Suu Kyi? Liu Xiaobo? The bears from yesterday? I’ll get freeing, but I need to know who!
“Do not waste time buying unquality one when there is one for free”
Nope. That would be plus ungood.
“Put on your front porch, microwave, and other noticeable places in living place!”
Honestly, once I’ve put on my front porch, I’d be a little warm trying to wear all that other stuff.
“It’s a Chinese Pizza Dolla!”
Oh, wait – there’s that “pizza” again. Guess we can’t leave it out. Dammit – that means I’ll have to start all over again!
Thanks for the link, Miranda!
Today’s sinus enema brought to you by….
“DECORATIVE CERAMIC CHINESE PIZZA”
Seriously…I didn’t get past the first line……
Me neither! Usually I’m making more of a “WTF??” face while reading the ad, and then make sure to not be drinking while reading the comments, but this ad was…. special.
My face had an extra helping of “WTF?” expression as I was reading.
I am still making the “wtf?” expression, after several minutes staring at a wall of words. Most of which I understand, but not in those combinations.
I may have to hide under the desk till it goes away.
What makes my brain itch the most is that, with the exception of “unquality” and “dolla”, everything is spelled right. It’s like Sparky was playing with a magnetic poetry set while posting on CraigsList and confused the two.
I LOVE magnetic poetry sets! An entire chapter of my thesis was composed using one of those.
I’d like to call to order today’s meeting of the We’re Jealous of Mudsy Club. That’s awesome.
I hope you guys will be wearing your jackets and polo shirts. And bring your autographed copies of Robert’s Rules of Order with you.
😉
Dammit, I only have Bobby’s Rules of Order. Will that do? I mean I realize they’re slightly lax rules, but we’re all friends here right?
Butch’s Rules will work also. But NOT the abridged edition!
Bobby Knight’s RoO involve too many thrown chairs for me
I have a cocktail napkin that has “No biting!” written on it in crayon. Will that work?
SJ – you know very well that will NOT work. Biting is allowed under Robert’s Rules of Order, provided that the biting in question is indicated in the primary motion when made, and not added later by amendment or generated out of discussion of the primary motion, or any amendments, unless the discussion is of a specific point of order and is raised after the initial motion is moved and prior to the chair officially recognizing a second.
But crayons are never allowed.
Wait! Did someone remember to bring the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?
Can we use our own dice when we roll for initiative?
Will there be food?
This is why we need to have a YSaC convention. Can you imagine the random crap that we’ll all bring with us? Endless entertainment!
Mm, but it’s also probably the reason why most of us wouldn’t be allowed on the flight to get to said convention.
“No, no, no Mr TSA man, you don’t understand. They’re HOLY bees. I rescued them form a rusty old truck and I’m going to put them all over a person I venerate but have never met, who I perceive as a monastically-inclined camelid, in order to show my devotion to her and her partner, who is an osrtich-emu hybrid, I think. I’m no good with birds that don’t hum. LOL. Oh, this? This is my brain bleach. Well of course it’s over 100mL! I have a very large brain! Where are you taking me? Are we going to see the mysterious lacawates valtrus-suka??”
When they start groping, shout “Pecil!”
Do they grope people in upside-down land?
Do they check as closely when you board a boat? That could work.
And if it’s in North America, I could hitchhike. The bears would keep me safe.
@ Astro, no, they don’t. This is upside-down world – we grope them!!!*
@ AR – you travel with bears? So the rumours about Canadia having its own bear-handed security force are true!
*This is (mostly) a lie, except that one time when nana had too many sauv’s between LA and Auckland… Also, we don’t grope because we don’t srsly believe in terrorism. It’s something that happens to other people. Plus, touching other people in that way makes us feel funny in our insides, though I’m not sure whether it’s a sense of unease at the increasing erosion of personal freedom in favour of a reactionary and largely inefficient peace-of-mind exercise, or simply mild arousal.
Got it…
Jen’s Nana sounds awesome.
Jen, I’m not from Canadia, and bears were the first protective YSaC item I could think of.
YSaC Convention, August of 2012, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. Stay tuned!
Can’t it be 2013? I’ll be 18 by then, and able to actually go.
And on the 9th day J. Lord created unquality, and there was Taiwan.
The YSaC Trinity – Spice Christ, J. Lord, and the Holy Snark.
The YSaC Catmath Trinity – Clothespin Jeebus, Spice Christ, J. Lord, and the Holy Snark.
:counts:
That doesn’t look right … Hey!
You forgot the Blessed Truck of Bees.
That’s was specified as being Catmath trinity to you
twothreefour!Oh Sparky, who art on Craigslist,
J. Lord be thy name.
Thy Free stuff is dumb,
thy unquality I pun,
on a plate I see Hulk Hogan.
Give us this day our daily snark.
And give us our jackasses,
as we give those jackasses the business.
And lead us not into brain seizures,
but deliver us some Advil.
For thine is the Pecil,
the pizza and the story,
forever be clever.
Hell Yeah!.
:whistling innocently:
I know somebody who’s probably going to H-E-Double-Ham-Sticks.
Ham Sticks are totally a finger food I endorse!
Again?
Pecil-pecil
Ham Sticks are probably not endorsed by the Lenten Fires Religious Approval Group….. nor by the Muslim and Jewish Happy Thoughts Coalition.
Wasn’t there a conversation about double-ham-sticks a bit ago? Or I could be making it up. My brain is unreliable. *whaps self upside head* Come on, brain, reboot! (But not like Transformers was rebootied. I think that would result in brain matter dripping out my nose.)
H E Double-Ham-Sticks – It’s where all the cool kids hang out.
Also;
:snerk:
P.S. I totally intended that Tacoism. Really. Because what is the new Transformers franchise, if not rebootied?
P.P.S. I figured out where the double-ham-sticks came from! I was watching the woot-off yesterday.
P.P.P.S. Does anyone else think Mindfield should write descriptions for Woot.com?
Woot.com happens to headquarter VERY close to where I live. I will BEG them for a job if I ever get booted from this gig.
My s-i-l is a world-class wit and currently unemployed. I’ve told him to go there and apply post-haste!
ok, so I always thought “s-i-l” stood for “Sister-in Law”, but apparently I was confuzzled. That or you just cast doubt upon her sexuality. Please unconfuzzle me…
Son-in-law.
Un-cornfuzzed now?
Son-in-law?
Super-icy-lady? (Ms Freeze)
Secret-island-layby. (The mysterious Tahitian truckstop)
Sanctified-inappropriate-loot. (Stolen Golden Spice Christ*)
Strictly-in-lust. (ahem)
Safely-interior-land. (Switzerland)
Although, in fairness, I initially translated it as ‘sibling-in-law’, which is either super-PC or super-non-committal.
*This is fun to say. I shall shout it randomly at people this weekend.
I could see where Bombdude would confuse those two very different S’s–especially with that obtuse hint of gender.
*snort*
🙂
:facepalm:
Unconfuzzled… None of mine are married yet (well, one was, but not long enough for me to get used to that term) so I never think of that use…
@Jen… I was momentarily wondering about the sibling-in-law as well…
Don’t worry, Bombdude, “sister” was my first thought as well. I was thisclose to posting a question about it when it occurred to me that it could also be “son.”
Or CJ has an “alternative” sort of family. I don’t judge.
Whenever these incomprehensible posts appear without pictures, I lose snark because my mind instantly begins trying to figure out what it is and what it looks like.
Right now I am picturing a ceramic Hulk Hogan head wearing a pizza beret. Topped with fortune cookies of course.
I think one of our resident artists needs to provide the image for this one.
I pictured something similar, but on the head of Lionel Richie.
Drawn quickly while at school:
https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/HG9hUDiCaQf47eZWGBCA7A?feat=directlink
Umm…what does ANIHC stand for?
🙂
The bag seals in the freshness!
Mudsy – (pssst! The image is reversed, it says CHINA.)
Damn those mirrors! They’re always fucking with us, aren’t they???
😉
Where did you say I can get one of “those” mirrors?
Sleezy Jakes House of Mirrors—on the corner of Anihc and China streets.
Hey, how come I look like Hulk Hogan in this mirror?
Because you’re a man and genetically delusional.
I’m just guessing…
8)
*Blinks*
Now I see Bob Crane…
You went way back with that one. I was hoping you’d have said Johnny Depp or at least stayed in the realm of the living.
Unless of course you’re channeling Haley Joel Osment and you only see dead people*.
*a moment of silence for Alice in Chains bassist Mike Starr
Excellent! (To the drawing, now whatever it is that Hammy’s up to.)
If by up you mean high, then perhaps :-p
If it’s any consolation, mudsy, I was thinking the same thing until I saw the whiteboard behind her and realized she lives in an alternate universe where Hulk Hogan is only 8 inches tall and comes shrinkwrapped for your enjoyment.
Oh, and the universe is called ANIHC.
What?
CJ, sarajean says the bag is there to seal in the “freshness”.
Oh yeah, I was thinking I was smelling me some seal…. aarh aarh aarh…
p.s. and just for the record I just adore nonsensicalcat’s drawing! She really captured what we’ve all been feeling here today with this post. Thanks nc!
sillykitty-I really think you’ve captured something there…is that pizza on his thighs? Classic.
I’m in the mood for an eggroll pizza with noodle toppings now.
Fortune cookie on the side, hold the hot dog skin.
Eduardo de la Li was frustrated beyond frustration. He knew, in his heart of hearts, that he should be known as the greatest sculptor and potter in all of China.
But no..not since that turtle, Donatello, got famous kicking ass and eating pizza had anyone given a second thought to Li and his ceramic masterpieces.
No one even knew his finest ceramic pizza, the Hulk Hogan, had been the most important prop in Donny’s (yes, Li called him “Donny” just to piss him off) movie. Few even knew that the “stars” Donny threw were actually slices of ceramic Hulk-ness.
Li fumed when he thought of all the smashed ceramic shards lying on the floor after the scene was finally filmed – and really, did it take eight tries to get it right or did Donny do that just so he’d use every slice from the ceramic masterpiece?
He stared at the clay before him and vowed this time things would be different. No more ceramic pizzas, no more turtles. Li was going to create a masterpiece so grand that the world would know his name.
As the wheel began to spin, and “Unchained Melody” played in the background, Eduardo de la Li gazed at the picture of Lionel Ritchie taped to the wall and his hands began to work their magic….
Grarr, I really loved this, but my inner fangirl rages…
[TMNT corey] Donatello wielded a bō, a long staff. None of the Turtles regularly used hira-shuriken (throwing stars). [/TMNT I’m too old for this corey]
Jen – sheesh….two words – cutting.room.floor. – okay, three words.
I think the majority of the throwing star use were by the foot soldiers.
I need to go back and rent all the DVDs. My inner cartoon geek is howling for attention.
At least I hope that’s where that howling is coming from.
TM…weren’t there stars in the video game version of TMNT?
Oooh my dad would never let me play video games*. 🙁 Mainly ‘cos I took up too much computer time anyway writing insult-a-lot programmes.
And Taco – check Tron. I have previously mistaken a howling baby for a) a smoke alarm and b) an ambulance. Only after five minutes of hunting for the noise-maker (including going out into the street and peering over the neighbour’s fence to try to find the wahmbulance) did I finally realise that the unearthly noises were emanating from a very bored baby.
*Or with throwing stars. But that was more of a ‘mutual agreement for all of our sakes’ thing than a proper forbidding.
**Note to Self: If Jen ever moves into neighborhood, invest in barbed wire.**
That’s what the Govt-mandated pamphlet I’m required to distribute recommends.
Doesn’t it also recommend digging a moat and filling it with two dozen piranha or one small crocodile?
Yeah, but most people seem think that’s hyperbole. At first…
I’d go with the piranhas. One crocodile can only be in one place at once, but 24 piranhas can be in 24 places at once. NO ONE is getting through that moat.
I personally like a horde of rabid, aquatic badger-bees.
If it was three dozen piranha, they would think it’s a hyperbole and a half 😀
Dunno, being ogled by a hawt kiwi being civic-minded enough to check on why the first responders were nigh does not sound so bad to me (other than the circumstances of having FR at the house).
I’m trying to construct this, but it’s like trying to build a real life version of an M.C. Escher painting.
See, if I start with a base of Hulk Hogan (with real hair!), I slip him into a cellulose casing — but then what? Are all the egg rolls, fortune cookies, noodles and whatever else goes on a Chinese pizza supposed to be stuffed in there with him, making him into a hot dog pizza roll, or do they go outside? Because then they just fall off. And what sauce do we use?
But then if I start with a base of ceramic pizza, I start layering on the egg rolls, fortune cookies, noodles, and whatever, then … what? I slip Hulk Hogan (with real hair!) into a cellulose casing and then stand him up in the middle like a centerpiece? But then how do you slice the pizza so everyone gets a slice of Hulk?
Maybe the whole lot of it is intended to be served on a bun. A ceramic bun.
And by the specification of “skin of hot dog look” does that imply that there are others? “Rind of Gorgonzola look?” Hulk Haggis edition? Hogan in Aspic? And were there other wrestling legend ceramic Chinese foodstuffs? The Hart Foundation Egg Foo Young? Captain Lou Albok Choy? Ultimate Warrior Dim Sum? Randy “The Mu Choi Man” Cabbage?
The hot dog skin has to be referring to Hulk Hogan’s perpetual sunburn.
Either that or his…
Gotta go.
He does kinda resemble a Brightleaf hot dog wearing a bandanna.
(For those of you unfamilar with Brightleaf hot dogs – http://www.carolinapackers.com/hotdogs.jpg)
Hehe…that said “Carolina packers”…
… and it did nothing to upgrade my errant disgusting hot dog thoughts….
It’s a local meat-packing plant. They make a decent bologna that’s great fried.
Here’s an additional disgusting hot dog thought – My brother in law has tried to convince me that Brightleafs are that shade of red because they are boiled in blood. (I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be physically possible without some major clotting issues.)
**Gags**
Ugh. Brightleaf hot dogs suck.
Wait until you move out and can’t afford real meat, Astro. They start looking halfway edible.
Fried bologna!
… Still, no thanks (I really, really don’t like bologna).
No they won’t. This is one of those things like if you eat a food as a small child and then puke it up, and your body says “Oh no, never again!”
Ick. I’m the same way with grape soda.
Musta’ been fun colored puke, sj.
I had one too many of those “Little Hugs” kid’s drinks. It was a kaleidoscope of nausea.
Sooooo worth the second-degree burns in my sinuses!
I have used my super-secret Chinese decoding ring (purchased from Ebay) and here are the results…
Good morning, Mr. Lord. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the recovery of a stolen item designated “Chinese Pizza.” You may select any two team members, but it is essential that the third member of your team be Hulk Hogan. He is old, but was a well-respected entertainer in 1989. You have forty-eight hours to recruit Mr. Hogan and meet me on your front porch for further instructions. As always, should any member of your team be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. And Mr. Lord, there are many Hulk Hogan impersonators, make sure you get the real deal this time. This message will self-destruct the brains of anyone who tries to figure it out without a handy-dandy decoder ring.
P.S. Stop over at Phung’s Chinese Palace and get me some lunch…
My decoder ring must be broken.
It just says “Drink more Ovaltine” over and over again.
I went to school with a J. Lord, and this post has me convinced it’s the same person.
Darn, I thought maybe J.Lo had found religion.
No, I think she just thinks she’s divine.
No, that was R.E.M and they were losing their
erectionreligion.[corey] “Losing my religion” is Southernese for “I’m getting angry”, which seems like a completely realistic thing to do when confronted with J. Lo. [/corey]
I feel like my adult life has been robbed of the rich experience of living in the South—case in point. I always thought it referred to getting off the straight-and-narrow path.
Might be a regional thing. I’ve always heard it used in a similar fashion to “I’m at the end of my rope!” or “You’re getting on my last nerve!” when someone’s angry or frustrated.
I just heard that on the radio yesterday. I guess I can’t look forward to getting rid of the earworm any time soon.
I never have to worry about losing my religion as there is a church within 1 mile wherever you are in the city, and twice as many bars. Religion found on one block, lost again at the next block.
[R.E.M. corey] I’m a Texan and have never heard “losing my religion” as a phrase for anything. Interestingly, the lead singer for R.E.M. – whozeewhatshisface – says the song is about his ‘conversion’ from liberal to conservative, politically speaking.[/end R.E.M. corey]
Can I getta amen?
Do you want a Texas amen or a Carolina amen? Because. after this, I believe they might be entirely different.
How ’bout a hallelujah and pruh-ayze the Lawd? Carolina or Texas…take your pick.
Texas-style would be louder. Everything’s bigger in Texas 🙂
All depends upon the quality of the brisket, really <G>
The barbecue’s gotta be Lexington, though.
Is there any other kind?
Dunno, but them Texans have got some funny ideas ’bout food, I hear.
Ne’er heard o’ no respectable pig-pickin’ in Texas.
I disagree. I vote for Memphis when it comes to BBQ… Or KC style.
You don’t get to vote, you’re a citizen of Texas now, based solely on your poor taste in BBQ.
Oh, Southerners, you’re so silly.
::boards up windows, fill moat with piranhas::
I may be too close to the border to get away with saying that.
If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, pray to the Llamanun that my soul finds rest.
All you casting aspersions on us southern US citizenry, I have just one thing to say:
Bless your hearts
*cringes mightily*
Is what generally precedes the most thorough, complete, utter, all-encompassing, universal, life altering/ending, existence-defining “whupping” one can experience. And, it can be one where physical blows would be better than the reading-off; and oft, switches, canes, other handy objects are used for punctuation.
No “safe” zone to witness this from, either. Slightest twitch, tic, tremor, or–heaven help you–sign of amusement, and the singularity of mad will haul you in to the vortex of Justice Denied and Needing Correction.
Still over here trembling . . .
Book ’em Dan-o!!
Oh, great, now how am I going to unload all of these unquality ceramic Chinese pizza dolla models of Hulk Hogan? They don’t even have real hair in the noodle toppings, or that vaunted “skin of hot dog” look. Unlike Sparky J. Lord, I can’t afford to let people buy them for free.
The “Buy now, it’s free” is actually the most confusing part of the whole thing to me, but after a skim of the thread, you seem to be the only one who’s commented on it!
Well that’s… heh hehe… *uncomfortable silence*
*reads again*
I’m not sure that… uh… pizza…
*TACOSPLODEY!*
:gets hose:
I’m glad we coated the Snark Lounge with Teflon after the last Tacosplosion.
That wasn’t a slip-n-slide?
It is now.
Hurry up and free
Hulk Hogan from hot dog skin
Sincerely, J. Lord
Nothing like a good ol’ Haiku to bring out the true meaning of random gibberish.
There is no way that this isn’t a hipster post. Random nostalgia (Hulk Hogan) and nonsense… you can’t convince me otherwise.
Oh, and FREE MISJAY, of course
Excuse me, Silva?
I speak jive.
You’re right. I had a PBR and re-read the post ironically, and now I totally get it.
This post was so much better before it became mainstream. Totally lost its edge now that it’s no longer true to the original anti-rejection of pizza message.
:draws little moustache on post and puts Hello Kitty barrettes in it’s hair:
Much better. Now it’s edgy again.
I think you should dye the post’s hair in lion-stripes, to complete the look.
Maybe use a little vintage Crisco and give it a mohawk?
Oooh, I know! A Bedazzled mohawk!
I just LOVE, love, LOVE, love lion stripes!!!!
Ugh, mudsy, love is so mainstream. It’s all about depersonalised* lust, that then segues into a mild dislike which is not quite strong enough to make you want to fight over the (incredibly obscure, natch) vinyl collection and ticket stubs (of bands you’ve never heard of. In fact, they’re so underground I was practically the only person at the gig. Even the bar staff left).
*deolplemate?
@ Dave – in case this is too far down to make any sense…oh, right, like I ever make sense…umm…what was I going to ask the ferret..
Oh right, you had a PBR? Professional Bull Rider??
Rednecks, White socks and Blue-ribbon pivo, I’m guessing . . .
Works for me, Lord Bard.
This is what happens when you let the spambots start designing collectables. On the other hand, whatever this object is, it couldn’t possibly be any uglier than a Precious Moments figurine. Plus it’s free, and there are noodles involved. I like noodles.
Oh, and as for free – Free the bees! You and me!
And cookies…never forget the cookies..
Oh, so does that mean that the collectible ceramic plate pizza hulk hogan has large [ARTSY TRAIT 3]s?
DECORATIVE CERAMIC CHINESE PIZZA HULK SMASH!
Cinco = tim & eric awesome show great job
Cat translation, plz.
Meow meow, mew. Mrrrow row yow, meow purr Reeer! Mew mew mew. Mew. Mew mew. Rrrrr fftt! Mrow yow reeow.
cinco=what happens to the boat-o when it gets a hole-o
bah-dump-ump
Will you be working at the lounge all week, CJ?
Yes I will, mudsy…try the veal!
But CJ, I can never get the sound of screaming calves* out of my dreams at night.
*and I am not referring to that Crazy Legs Syndrome everyone is always yammering about
Hey, Al “Crazy Legs” Syndrome was the greatest college running back ever, and I’ll yammer about him all I want.
It’s too bad he changed his last name to Sharpton after he graduated.
I thought Crazy Legs Syndrome was IF’s Little Feat cover band.
Per catulator at 1558 CST:
“mr’r’r”r’r’r’r’H?”
*yawn*
*long nasal exhalation*
*ear-flick*
“mrah’r”
*body-roll with head tuck-under [degree of difficulty 2.1]*
spaghett swoops in. She uses Untagged Corey.
It’s quite effective!
Snarkers are Confused.
They use Injokes and Silliness.
It’s super effective!!
Must be what folks in the biz like to call innernet hilarity!
And in 1989—they didn’t even HAVE the innernet!!!! So explain that bit of perplexing pile of steaming impossibility.
Flux capacitor.
Wormhole.
Calabi–Yau manifold.
Gnomes.
Yes
Double rainbow!
Williams’ Brothers intern?
In keeping with recent literary conversation:
The glass dome over the library of UU.
Some fill-in-the-blanks from the future:
“tim & eric awesome show great job” is the name of a comedy show airing on [adult swim]. It is a highly deconstructivist with satire piled upon satire, to just a bit beyond the absurd. This program comes out of the Williams Brothers studio operation, based in Atlanta, GA (a sourse for a lot of [adult swim] content.
There is just so much to break down in this posting that I’m baffled where to start. I suspect Sparky took some Nyquil then snorted a pixie stick before deciding to post an add for his Chinese Hulk Hogan Pizza Delivery figure with real egg-roll action.
I would have guessed Sudafed and Jolly Ranchers.
It could well be a cocktail of all of those things, with a little bit of powdered doughnut on top for good measure.
Powdered donut and some old Tylenol-3 he scrounged out from back under the sink.
Ooo, I wouldn’t turn down a Tylenol-3…
Except in this case. I don’t really know what’s in the back under this Spark’s sink… Maybe there’s a stained glass shampoo with classic “SHINE OF PHLEGM” smell?
Duuude… Take it from me, don’t ever snort Jolly Ranchers… Baaaaad JuJu
I mean… That’s what I’ve heard….
Dunno ’bout pixie sticks and Nyquil, but I
vaguelyremember a night when I mixed codeine with champagne.*They tell meI was the life of the party, dancing with Hulk Hogan and eating pizza.**Good times, good times indeed.
*this may be true
**this, however, may not be true
The only thing that can almost certainly be gleaned from this post is this:
Ceramic dish: made in China.
Porch: made in China.
Microwave: made in China.
Living Space: made in China.
Egg rolls: made in China.
Pizza: made in China.
Dolla: based in China.
Fortune Cookie: made in China.
Noodles: made in China.
Toppings: made in China.
Hot Dog Skinnned Hulk Hogan: made in China.
Cinco is tricky—it would like you to think it’s probably from a Latin country, but since 1989 its headquarters are probably now located in China.
Hulk Hogan: Made in China
That only brings up a visual that I desperately want to get out of my head.
Two adults from the early decades of the last century—one with orange coney dog skin; the other with shimmering white stringy goat hair—doing the nasty in some panda compound in the middle of a bamboo thicket.
Thanks TMm. Just thanks.
Everyone was Kung-Fu fighting.
Well, I might as well throw away my copy of Kung Fu Panda.
Can you take my copy of Good-Touch Bad-Touch Panda with you?
Everybody was kung-fu mating,
Their groins were fast as…
Gotta go.
[corey]
Fortune cookies are a US invention. Plants in SF, Chicago, and Houston make them. Even an online outfit that will let you compose the fortunes to be loaded, too.
Having taken to recording them, I also tend to note where the less-sensible copies were made.
[/corey]
The friends I’ve had who have come from China had never seen fortune cookies before touching US soil.
The more you know! *Annoying ass rainbowstarthing*
I look at this and think that maybe spies are talking secret code and Craigslist is out to take over the universe.
My initial thought is that the ad was written in such a way that you could take any phrase from it and make your inner Linda Barker retch.
It’s posts like this that wake me up in the middle of the night – screaming “Save the Waffles” .*
I think I’ll have to put the chinese food on a curfew.
*true story
Did the Syrup Ninjas attack in your dream too?
Noooooo Aunt Jemima, don’t touch me there!
Do your breakfast condiments often make unwanted advances towards you?
Unwanted?
I like to think of Aunt Jemima pancakes or waffles as a side dish.
Note to self: never have breakfast at HamCan’s house.
Please sir, show the court on this Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup where she touched you.
Beavers and Ducks!
And concrete bears! Oh my!
Well, yeah, duh–e’erybody knows that waffles are for fried chicken, not Chinese.
The clue here is the Cinco™ Brand. This is obviously a post made by a bored Tim and Eric staffer, someone who was using The Innernette™.
http://video.adultswim.com/tim-and-eric-awesome-show-great-job/the-innernette.html
Here derp, you dropped these:
[corey] [/corey]
*looks at derp’s post, then at Spaghett’s.* CONNECTION SUCCESS! *throws confetti*
You mean it’s not real?
*sobs uncontrollably because I too am a bored snark lounge stabber*
There, there, mudsy…’s okay, it’s true…the Innernette is free, just like the misjays.
…and the red tables…
It’s all free and it’s all true.
I just couldn’t handle getting my bubble burst—as if all this…this….THIS… isn’t REAL!!!
How will I ever believe in toast-Jesus-face impressions ever again?
*I really gotta slow it down n the Wednesday Kool-Aid*
*passes flask to Mudsy*
Wait, it’s Wednesday?
SEE!!!???? It was apparently Wednesday in my mind.
*Damn you Chuck Sheen, get outta my brain!!!!*
Taco, what are you doing in the box with sarajean? Hmm? Tell us all about it.
I’m gonna use him as a human shield.
Target practise!
*grabs tomatoes*
**grabs fettuccine alfredo and portable catapult**
I’m ready!
[OT but slightly related in that it deals with food and I THINK today’s post may possibly deal with food…] http://www.cracked.com/craptions/craption/1886 Bwehehe [/OT et al]
*gerk*
I’m no longer in the mood for fast food.
Japan just gets weirder and weirder.
Close enough.
I really like Little Lao’s. They’re cheap, the noodle pizza’s always hot, and they always break out the fine china. They may use cats in their
Skin of Hot Dogbreadsticks, but…Waiter, there’s a Hulk in my pizza.
Oops, we’ll have to charge you extra for that ‘Hulk’.
In my family, “Chinese cake” is a term we use to describe things that LOOK okay, but really aren’t, like. . .the blue goo in the cornflakes box in 2001. Maybe Chinese Pizza is similar?
But I don’t know about “skin of hot dog.” Yech.
I didn’t realize Jesus our Lord was in the Chinese-Pizza-Hulk-sausage distribution business.
My last offering for the day: http://www.the-gutters.com/
Punchity Punch Punch. Take as needed. TacoMmagic and sarajean80.
G’Night, Bangkok!
i don’t want to scroll all the way down the comments on for this, so sorry if its a repeat – but did anyone pick up on the “made by Cinco” part? Total Tim and Eric Awesome Show ref, this one’s a joke for sure. A good one, though!
A Chinese pizza shaped like Hulk Hogan? That I’d like to see.
Well, this is different. Wait, this was different. Now it’s a repeat. But still it’s unique. Just like Hulk Hogan. Wait. . .
I read through all the comments and I cracked myself up, I was funny back then.
Wonder what happened? :*-(
You’re still funny, Mr.Can…..well, most of the time….
Uh,(raising hand) can I go first? Just wanted to inteject, “Wait!, it’s Wednesday?” is my Alice Cooper cover band…(yeah, “’til Tuesday” was just too obvious)
I always thought Hulk Hogan was made in china…
Myself and Hammy, for showing up on Saturday: Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mama Bao’s Pizzaria and Noodle House!