YSaC, Vol. 922: None more black.
Large Armoir – Black
Large Black Armoir – good for tv or storage. Has 2 doors that open wide. 2 good size drawers on bottom and one shelf inside. Is somewhat damaged, but salvageable if you like a project. The armoir had metal pieces on it which i took off (with tools), but I still have them if they are wanted. I tried to start painting one side of the interior doors and realized it looked terrible, so I gave up on the whole thing. It’s nicked in places, but if you know how to make something look “distressed”, this is perfect. Or, a good coat of black paint would do just fine too.
The armoir is extremely heavy and must be picked up. However, I live in a 3-floor walk-up (no elevator), so several friends will be needed to help move this and you’d need a van or truck.
So, for all of these reasons, this is free!! Please coordinate pick-up via email.
All things considered, that’s not the worst rendition of armoire that we’ve seen. (I think that honor still goes to armwaure.) But this is apparently an armoire meant for Nigel Tufnel.
And sometimes, just because you can spell it doesn’t mean that you’re going to do any better …
armoire, newer from ikea – $50
a newer ikea armoire that just didnt fit into my new apartment. xxx.xxx.xxxx
I’m guessing that the picture is so dark because they didn’t want people to realize that they hadn’t put the armoire together yet.
Thanks, John and Courtney!
After a night of no sleep because the pills that were supposed to make me drowsy kept me up and made me a bit wired, I must say I wasn’t sure at first which were faulty, the picture or my eyes. Sparks, if the picture is this poor, don’t bother to include it.
Thanks, Sparkies. You’ve given me an idea for how to decorate once I renovate this house (in the off chance that I ever get around to it). I’ll paint the walls black, put in black carpeting, and use all black furniture.
Just turn off the lights, or even better close your eyes.
I have always wanted an all black room with black furniture, black walls, black tile floor with black throw rugs, and either a dim light or a lava lamp.
A bar near where I live uses black lights on its second floor; maybe you could use those.
Will it crash into the Kakifron Sun at the end of the stage show?
[Hitchhiker’s Corey to the Galaxy]Kakrafoon[/Hitchhiker’s Corey to the Galaxy]
*heads to my bunker to enjoy the show*
That was the basic outcome of an episode of Changing Rooms* I once saw – the kitchen was changed from a Laura Ashley, pink-themed floral nightmare to a room with black walls, floor, ceiling, cupboards.. everything. The ‘lucky recipient’ of said makeover walked in and said “I think I’ve gone blind. Oh, no. Nooooooooo…”. Almost convinced me to watch again after that.
*Changing Rooms? The one where neighbours renovate each other’s houses then hate each other viciously for years. Good times.
The US version was called Trading Spaces. The ugly rooms were more fun than the nice ones, if only for the owners’ expressions.
And there was a great contrast in the two shows.
TS had some abominations–the wall of denim flaps stapled to the wall board 9was supposed to “ripple in the breeze” but didn’t–ranked up there.
TS had a major problem of committing some major code violations, too.
That, and they were never sued for turning a bedroom into “a tart’s boudoir” unlike Changing Rooms. (And, that was mild–room was red and black with black lace fabric and painted zebra-striping; BBC paid to have it redone in earth tones.)
I recall one episode where they glued a layer hay to the walls for a “rustic” look, it kept falling off and getting everywhere and looked like all kinds of fire hazard.
I left my flash, in San Francisco…
I thought you flashed in San Francisco.
He did. Nobody noticed. It is San Francisco, after all.
He must not have shown them anything impressive.
Next time wear the ninja turtle costume.
But won’t the costume cover up … oh, wait …
Put on a pair of roller skates and nothing else and go as a pull toy.
PECIL
PECIL: Please Excuse Curiously Irate Lil’puppy.
See also: DILLIGAF.
Hammy, when it’s PECIL is it bigger than when it is pecil?
Morning PECIL
Napping pecil
I see your point.
Oops, sorry then don’t make trench coats like they used too…
I love that the first one is free. Kudos to Sparky for realizing how completely insane it would be to charge someone money for his half-beaten-up, partially painted, impossible to move piece of furniture.
Reasons you would need a black armoire:
1) To store all your black leather S&M gear.
2) For the best midnight-hide-and-seek hiding spot EVER.
3) To safely keep your ninja when not in use.
4) What, you think that witch stays in Narnia all the time? She has to get out once in a while somehow.
Nowhere you keep a ninja is ‘safe’. Although it would explain the (h)aremwoire’s remarkable hiding abilities.
How many women can you fit in a haremwoire?
Whole or pureed?
Minced.
That could be a little dicey…
Depends on how you “slice the banana*”.
*Yay, euphemisms.
Ye gods, what have I doner? I falafel. If only I could turk it all back!
Astro, I don’t think you’re slicing any bananas if you’re chopping up women. *
*most awkward sentence I’ve ever typed.
I bagel to differ, I doughnut know what you are reefering too.
I can see two explanations here — coincidentally, both being from the same school of thought:
A) These armoires are the property of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal and, like it, are so mind-bogglingly stupid, they think that if you can’t see them, they can’t see you. This is distressing for them.
B) The cameras used to take these photos were fitted with peril-sensitive lenses. Clearly, these armoires are dangerous (see point A), having triggered said lenses, which is distressing for you.
Either way, you should probably stay well clear of them — or at the very least, if you’re going to have a look at them, bring your towel.
Elebenty happily flug doors for Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal reference. I love the sound of Adams in the morning.
Mindfield, you’re quite the hoopy frood.
“Beauty is truth, truth beauty”
Just got through watching the whole series on hulu not too long ago.
I see Golgafringians all around me of late <sigh>
I went back and watched the Milliway’s part again, and I still can’t recognize Peter Davison’s voice as the cow. I don’t want any piece of his shoulder, though, whether I can recognize him or not.
It might be the country accent affected by the would-be entrè.
Jumping off from your peril-sensitive lenses idea, perhaps these armoires are, in fact, aspiring poets.
I see an armoire that I wanted painted black.
No flash for sure, I want that picture black.
It’s the perfect thing for ironic hipster clothes.
I’ll just put it on CraigsList until it finally goes.
Can you see my armoire where it’s painted black?
Bring some friends, haul it away, don’t even look back.
The neighbors will cheer you on when you take it away,
It’s been stuck out in the hall since last New Year’s Day.
I look inside my place and see it is all black
I see my armoire that I wanted painted black
Maybe I’ll buy a lamp, but then I’d have to face the facts
It’s not easy cleaning up when your whole place is black
[Epic humming solo!]
Son of a–
GET OUTTA MY HEAD!
o.O
Whoa, deja vu.
Actually, she’s a daughter of a-
Would if I could.
It’s scary in here.
sj, what ever you do, stay away from the file marked, “petting the puppy.”
I’m not going anywhere near that particular corner.
Be willing to bet “Sir Mick” would be cool with that version.
And that Keef would not. (Just finished his book.)
Arm-wahs for sale! Take them for free!
Be warned, though, they are black (hole) arm-wahs…never, under any circumstances, place them facing each other in a room.
It’s like crossing the streams.
And that’s bad.
DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS!
SP, would all of your bodily fluids be marshmallow fluff?
Kelli, do you need to dust out a corner for yourself?
I keep my corner well dusted. I use a nice peacock feather duster
:snergle:
The Sparky of the First Part agrees to let us move the stated item, color black, down a number of stairs for no charge.
The Sparky of the Second Part agrees he no longer wants his item from Ikea.
Therefore, with due process of the Snark, we declare them an abomination unto (place name of deity here) and cast upon them such charges as being poorly educated, unable to function in society, and letting their mothers dress them funny. Case Dismissed.
I have an armoire and I want to paint it black
I don’t want stained oak doors, I want them to turn black
I want a twenty-seven inch TV in here
It must be black so when it’s off, it disappears
I bought a paintbrush and some paint of deepest black
Enthusiasm makes up for the skills I lack
You shouldn’t have to turn your head and look away
I’m sure my ham-fisted paint job will look okay
No more will my armoire be boring wood and glue
After my paint job it will look shiny and new
And so I stir the paint and dip the brush straight in
After a few strokes I step back to take it in
On second thought, this paint job kinda looks like crap
This halfway-painted armoire might have to be scrapped
Or maybe someone can come haul this thing away
I’ll post on Craigslist, and I know just what I’ll say:
I have an armoire and I tried to paint it black
I took off metal bits, but you can have them back
It’s got some nicks, but you could make it look “distressed”
It’s up three flights of stairs, so bring a couple guests
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmm hmmmm hmmm…
Be careful not to hurt your back, hurt your back
Keep it straight, like a pole
I want this armoire gone, hope you brought big, strong guys
Maybe you can paint it, paint it, paint it, paint it black
Yeah
Oh, I love this!!
Okay, I’m going in a Los Lobos direction…
Black is black
I want my closet back
It’s blah, it’s blah
Can’t stand to spell armoir
What can I do
‘Cause I-I-I-I-I’m feelin’ blue…
p.s. Come pick this up. It’s heavy because it’s not my brother…
Yay Mudsy!
That was the first song that came to my mind too. I figured there weren’t many people out there who would know Los Bravos though.
I thought of it too (though after “Paint It Black.”) We’re not all Astro’s age here!
Does this mean I’m nermal you guys?
😉
Do you annoy a fat feline addicted to lasagna who may just be a figment of his owner’s imagination?
The Cheshfield Cat?
🙂
Mudsy — you are just a nermal as the rest of us. You’ve found your home.
Muddy, if you haven’t read Garfield Minus Garfield, you really should.
I just Googled that and … holy crapsicles.
Jim Davis wrote a very nice introduction to the book version.
I share a birthday with the round yellow cat.
In the black room with black armoires near the station,
Craigslist country, third-floor walkup, tired movers,
Crappy photos scared off takers from your item.
Black paint lingers on its surface, no contentment.
I’ll wait in this room where the flash never shines,
Wait in this place where the takers run from your ad.
Dave, good falsetto on those high notes!
OT- My friend Zoe was the first person I ever saw use “Have A Day.” I promptly
stoleborrowed the phrase. He was also the first person I ever knew that made his own envelopes. They were true works of art. Every time I see your avie DATF, it reminds me of him and makes me smile.Robert Rankin uses “Have another day” in the book I’m currently reading. He’s a strange, strange man. I like him.
IKEA’s Nëwer armoires are nice, but I prefer the Shrøndlüffe series.
And on the traditional side:
Black, black, black is the color of my large armoir.
Its two hinged doors are as black as tar!
It has the largest drawers, acts as a TV stand:
I loved the ground whereon it stands.
I loved the doors that can open wide.
I damaged it, and then I cried.
And I wish the day, it had never come
That my tools and I had wreaked destruction.
I’ll go to Craigslist and post an ad
For this black armoire, that I’ve turned so bad.
Those saved metal pieces, I too shall offer;
And all for free, with this luckless coffer.
Has anything ever had doors that open narrow?
Is that a philosophical question? Could be a good thesis topic.
I think it’s another euphemism.
Like “painting the armoire”?
as well as…
“2 doors that open wide”
“nicked in places”
“damaged, but salvageable”
“took off (with tools)”
“large armoir – black”
Do minds count?
Minds are usually never part of the equation in YSaC ads.
I disagree. I say they often are.
And that’s when you really ought to be worried.
That is a scary thought, Astro.
Oh..don’t get all philosophical and metaphysical on me. I try to keep things simple when my mind “goes there” and starts to question why Sparky does what it does.
Yes, but I say that as a consequence of having been in the residential cabinetry business for a decade and a half too long.
There are certain kinds of door hinge that only open 87º; which can be problematic on certain designs of corner cabinets.
My God, it’s full of stars!
I hope they’re not reality TV stars. It’s hard to get the scent of falure out of furniture.
I apparently fail at failure.
I call that suck ceding. 8)
I wonder if that first CL List is actually From Taco Sexy Fingers Magic. He could be trying to seel Sister Taco’s ninja cabinet with her knowledge.
They’re on to us!
Caffeine taper fail! I just read the packets closer, and it’s not 40 mg per packet, it’s 40 mg per serving… And a serving is half a packet -_- My poor little embryo is probably somewhat vibratey :-p
Gymnastics at 2 AM !
***must not read that last sentence out of context****must not read that last sentence out of context****must not read that last sentence out of context****must not read that last sentence out of context****must not read that last sentence out of context****must not read that last sentence out of context****must not read that last sentence out of context*
Don’t worry, kelli, I can’t feel it 😉
Maybe you need more caffeine.
EB just don’t overload him. When I had an ultrasound for my son, you would have thought I’d been drinking caffeine for days. He was in there doing back-flips, twirling around, just having a good old time. He turned out relatively normal for an athletic geek.
I think I missed it have you decided on a name MicroEB was my favorite.
** I think I get extra points for not using any punctuation.
I’m not super-duper concerned about caffeine effects on MicroEB (I decided just now. Because MicroEB/MicroBE is funny. And for futures, I can use Nano and Pico, hehe.), it’s mostly a challenge that MrEB proposed–I would stop caffeine when I got pregnant, and he would not drink caffeine either. Since I’m concerned about his health, and I’ve been trying to get him to cut back on his soda and caffeine intake for years, I agreed :-p
With MiniEB, I just made sure to stay below 100 mg a day… The AMA recommendation is 200 mg a day. I was trying to taper (especially because Mr has already held up his end of the bargain, and quit cold turkey) but apparently I can’t read :-p
‘S okay…blame it all on pregnancy amnesia…worked for my daughters every time.
In other news, my Bajoran side is showing itself… I’ve been sneezing several times an hour for the last few days!
Well, as long as you do not start seeing Cardassians around every corner . . .
(Kardashians, well, that’s different . . . )
I don’t think I want to see Kardashian’s around every corner, either…
At least Bajoran jewelry is tasteful . . .
I’m a little confused (typical, I know). If the first armoire is black and Sparky started to paint it, why can’t we see the color? Did Sparky start to paint the black armoire black and decide it looks terrible? How could s/he tell? Dare I make a joke about black-on-black armoire paint? No, because I think it would be too obtuse.
Dare! Dare!
It was jet black and he wanted it midnight black or was it the other way around?
[painting contractor corey]
Benjamin-Moore and Sherwin-Williams both have a distressing number of hues and shades of black paint cataloged.
And then, in matte, stain, and glossy, as well.
At least none seem to offer tints of black.
[/corey]
Nice new avatar! When did that happen?
Taco has a sister now? That just can’t be good.
Every joke I can make about this paint is too distasteful for me to develop. Sorry.
Uhm.. I am literally Taco’s sister 🙂 It happened on a blistering August afternoon in the glorious Pacific Northwest. The doctor came in, crouched down, and caught me as I popped out like a football during the hike. And, as I did not have a winkle, I became dubbed a girl. And thus, Taco’s little sister was born.
Was the doctor’s name Johnny Bench?
Lolwut?
**winks at SisterTaco.**
Teehee.
Calm down, she said winkle.
Astro’s doing (twice, it seems, after scrolling up <G>). There was a bit of casting the YSaC regulars, and Mel Gibson was inapt, so I offered Dale Dye; found a suitable photo and pointed gravatar that way. Que voilá.
Vaguely on-topic aside; learned on Nova, Pioneers of Television, that the Cos was prompted to get his DEd by the awfulness of children’s television.
And here I was hoping he had finally found the elusive and legendary Sibling Store. Oh, well.
The Sibling Store’s Policy on Returns: Ha! Hahahahaha!
Bloody hell, Astro!
Size isn’t everything, you know! 8)
Astro, you are hereby placed on suspension of the Internets, and must adhere to the style sheet for 30 days, or a more serious penalty will be applied. In other words, Stop it!
*clears throat* My first attempt at a musical… sung to the tune of “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night”
I wear my sunglasses inside
So I can’t, so I can’t
See the damage
To my black armoire.
I wear my sunglasses inside
So I can’t, so I can’t
View how it does
Not match my décor!
Well, I removed some stuff
Painted it in the buff
To move it is too tough
I turn to you and say…
Come get it now
With a friend or two, oh-no!
It’s good for TV
Or to store some crap, oh-no!
I can’t believe it!
You’ve got it made
With a deal like this, oh-no!
And I wear my sunglasses inside
I wear my sunglasses inside
I wear my sunglasses inside…
Bravo …. claps wildly!!!
OT – I volunteered to wear the wings today as part of Project Angel. Brother Jed is on campus and we’re trying to shield the rest of our fellow students, staff, faculty, and any visitors from his hateful spewing. I’m a little nervous about doing despite knowing that it is absolutely the right thing and what my mother would have done and I’d appreciate any positive thoughts/vibes/prayers sent my way.
*sends all that good stuff* Wear those wings proudly and don’t let that Jed bugger bring you down. Even though I have no idea what most of your post means, I’m still rooting for you! Anything that flies in the face of hateful spewing is a gold star in my book.
Brother Jed’s wikipedia entry – Skip down to “The Campus Ministry.”
EDIT – Oh and thanks Taco.
O.M.G.
Never heard of this whack-job until today.
Please accept my apologies from Christians everywhere…this..person has no idea what Jesus would do.
O.O May I smite him with a jar of peanut butter? Please? Or a jar a pickles? Something?
Ugh, what a jerk. Good luck and wear those wings proudly!
It’s a good thing I haven’t run across him, I’d be tempted to smite him with a little sugar in his gas tank.
We used to have a similar “group” on our campus spewing a lot of hateful and racist rhetoric. They’d pick a nice grassy area somewhere in the middle of the class changes and think they were giving us all a lesson on WWJD. (There is a highlight to having a harsh winter—if only for the brief peace and quiet)
It always turned into a mob shouting match with students volleying equally insulting, loud opinions back at them as the campus PD would stand around and watch the verbal cock fight.
So much for higher learning. Darwin just coughed.
Put on your wings, stand proud and suck on a big hunk of white chocolate va-jay-jay, girlie!
The whole “confrontational evangelism” thing reminds me strongly of those “pickup artist” idiots who think insulting a woman is a great way to pick up girls. Insulting me does not make me want to worship at your church or date you; it makes me feel very stabbity.
{grandpa was a hellfire and brimstone preacher corey}My grandfather, a renowned Baptist minister and much sought-after speaker, was known for his hellfire and brimstone delivery. Me, seeing both sides of him, was always perplexed at the diametrically-opposed viewpoints he espoused on and off pulpit. Finally, after years of timidly avoiding the subject, I asked him point-blank why he railed so when he was ministering.
His answer?
“It’s just part of the show.”
I asked him if he thought it was effective. He shrugged and seemed thoughtful for a moment.
“Highly doubtful, but it’s what the folks expect from me.”
In his later years, I’m told that hellfire had lost some of its fierceness but his message still seemed to resonate.{/end grandpa was a hellfire and brimstone preacher corey}
Agreed, what a gerk.*
*Post Sister T’s smiting of course.
He has Daughters???? OMG. kelli, see if you can save them! Start with the youngest. It’s probably too late, but we have to try!
And if you can’t save them, at least sterilise them…
Thanks everyone. I did two hours in the sun. My legs are sore and it was hard not to speak when I had classmates asking me questions about assignments, but I’m glad I did it.
I can understand that. I participated in our campus’ Day of Silence for the Friends of GLBT club. I tied my rainbow ribbon in my hair and clammed up for the entire day. It was difficult to explain through pantomime why I refused to talk to anyone (especially in Karate where we’re supposed to scream at each other when hitting XD). I eventually just carried around a piece of paper that I handed them that explained my silence.
kelli — keep your head held high and wings tilted up. I wish I were there to help.
[Matt]I’m not really concerned about others religious preference. People can practice whatever they like. I am, however, against their ideas being shoved down my throat.[/Matt]
I used to teach at a college, and I am amazed this is allowed.
How is personal attack protected as free speech?
And why are non-college personnel granted such freedom on what is essentially private space?
Wow. Just wow. I am SO glad we didn’t have those types of angry, hate-filled crazies at my Uni. Although we did have a similar cretin in Parliament once… before the coalition had been finalised (it was a close election) they had everyone just sit in alphabetical order, as the Government/opposition hadn’t actually been decided yet, and he ended up between an openly gay MP and our first Transgender MP. Then a couple years later he was arrested for child molestation. Ugly, hateful behaviour all the way down, I guess.
Smile and waggle your wings with pride kelli – you’re doing an awesome thing! And if you kick him in the shins a little, I’m sure no-one would blame you.
Sorry folks, no Taco today, busy busy!
*Puts on his PPE: “Armoir of Darkness,” and runs off.*
Armoires in the night hanging my pant suits
Wandering in the night
What were the chances I’d be bashing shins
Before the night was through.
Something in your drawers is so inviting,
Something in your nicks is so exciting,
Some voices in my head,
Told me I must have you.
Armoires in the night, two doors open wide
We had Armoires in the night
Up for a bowel movement
When we said our first OH NO!
Little did we know
Blood was just a glancing blow away,
A warm trickling in my pants away and –
Ever since that night we crashed together.
Armoires in the night a scar forever.
I turned out the light,
We had armoires in the night.
Blood was just a glancing blow away,
A warm trickling in my pants away and –
Ever since that night we crashed together.
Armoires in the night a scar forever.
I turned out the light,
We had armoires in the night.
Scooby doody dooby do
Where are you?
Scooby doody dooby do
Frank just said “OH NO!” again….he felt a trickle down his pecil…
Hammy, that’s freaky. I was just singing this song.
Those words, too?
It was like he was listening in.
Okay, so I mostly hummed because I couldn’t remember all the words.
Well, obviously the first Sparky meant Armoiry. Can’t you see it belongs to the Black Knight?
**Hey, Al. How ya been?**
The world is black, the world is white,
It turns by day and then by night,
The armoire’s black, and up three flights,
The CL post gives me a fright, a terrible fri-i-i-i-ight!
Yeah, I’m old. It’s still a good song.
Alice Bluegown, Punchity Punch Punch! There’s a classic for you!
G’Night, Agunnaryd!