YSaC, Vol. 920: Take THAT, Leroy Anderson.
2011 February 8
horsedrawn loggers sliegh from 1880’s – $1000
Horse drawn loggers sliegh from the 1880s Needs wood replaced The pieces are there. My Great Granpa used this sliegh for logging. One hundred and twenty five years old.
Translation:
Horse drawn loggers sliegh from the 1880s:
Wood that’s been lying around in my backyard.
Needs wood replaced:
There are termites.
The pieces are there:
There are pieces that haven’t been completely eaten by termites. Or, there are pieces of termites.
My Great Granpa used this sliegh for logging.
My great-grandfather dumped this wood here and we’ve been too lazy to move it.
One hundred and twenty five years old.
I think that’s a big number.
Thanks, Elizabeth!
Castle from Middle Ages.
Stones now strewn around field. Need rearranging, and mortar. No blueprints available. Fell down 500 years ago. As castle and field are on my property it will be mine when you finish assembling it.
I think I’ve seen the matching fence for that castle (no moat, I guess). The locals seem to be calling it “Stonehedge” these days.
:gets rusty shovel out of shed:
I found the moat!
“found the moat” => some digging with the shovel may be required.
Hehe..
*Holds up a piece of bent rebar from the broken concrete pile*
I found the portcullis!
They told me I was crazy to build a castle in the swamp, but I did it anyway! And it sank into the swamp.
So I built another castle! Then it sank into the swamp.
So I built a third, that one burnt down, fell over, then sank into the swamp.
And I built a fourth one, and that one stayed!
Some day, all this will be yours!
What, the curtains?
Huge… tracts of land
On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
That’s what she said.
Here’s a little blue pill just for you Hammy.
I’m guessing the horses are in the two buckets…
The horses are in the old mine that great grandpa used to prospect. That’s why they’re called mine hors. The bones* will fit nicely inside the ore car parked at the entrance.
*some assembly required for both the horses and the ore car.
Hey, this will go great with my disintegrated grocery pallet and that gazebo that’s all torn down. It’s just perfect for my new backyard theme. I’m going for “Fire Hazard.” Does anyone know where I can find the legs off of some French Prudential furniture that I can toss on top for an elegant flair?
I’ve got some shorted out Christmas lights that would add a festive flair.
Oh! If I use those, I can finally incorporate my inflatable penguin polar bear I picked up last week. I’m sure it will really tie the whole thing together.
You might not want to tell FatherTaco about this add…
Curse you extra ‘d’!
I just figured you were abbreviating ‘addition’ as he would add it to his own collection before I got a chance to make it mine.
I think I know where you could get a boat to add to the collection.
And a swingset.
without swings, of course
But it does come with a lovely deer carcass hanging from it….if you look closely, you can see the bedazzled hooves.
Are you sure that’s not Great Granpa?
Could be; Great Granpa was a man who liked to get buried in his work.
With all these new additions to my backyard theme, I’m simply going to have too much crap and some cool things, too. Maybe I can post it all on Craigslist.
Sliegh…urban dictionary for firewood.
[matt] Obviously this is an early example from Great Granpa Sparky’s Deconstruction Period. The juxtaposition of weathered wood and plastic buckets with the vibrancy of the shrubbery highlights man’s inhumanity to sliegh. I’ve never seen the plight of the sliegh so movingly portrayed in this medium before without the artist resorting to rhinestones and body glitter.[/matt]
All it needs is a Thomas Kinkade landscape painted on one of those ski-shaped termite mounds. American Nose Pickers.
Edina Monsoon likes your upmarketing skills. She may be able to use you in her [air quotes] shop [/air quotes].
“Sweetie, darling, rustic deconstructionism, sweetie, is so now!”
Poor, poor Saffron . . .
Is it wrong that I hated Saffron?
Personally, I’m impressed that Great-Grandpa was still logging at the age of 125 – especially if “logging” turns out to be some sort of euphemism…
Talk about weathered wood.
That’s a hard on to believe.
I think the implication of the context in Sparky’s post is that his great grandfather is a stiff.
Great Grandpa made millions in the logging industry, and all I got was this lousy sled.
That’s a hard…
Damn, I gotta start getting here earlier.
What’s wrong with having a stiff….oh, he is a stiff…never mind.
Yes, I’m pretty sure if you’re here first thing in the morning, you’ll get the
morning woodhard onpremature exclamationcheese.Worm?
If “worm” is anything like “pecil” then no thanks.
They call me Dr. Worm.
Good morning how are you, I’m Dr. Worm,
I’m interested in things.
I’m not a real doctor but,
I am real worm, I am an actual worm
I live like a worm.
And I like to play the drums,
I think I’m getting good
but I can handle criticism.
I’ll show you what I know
And you can tell me if you think I’m getting better on the drums
I’ll leave the front unlocked
’cause I can’t hear the doorbell.
Duct tape. It does pile of wood good.
Where’s MacGyver when you need him?
I’m pretty sure you could buy him on Craigslist.
Or at least a cardboard cutout of him.
Just commission a bust of him in the medium of cheese. I’m sure you can find a sculptor de fromage on Craigslist.
Hmm. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that would want duct tape on his wood.
Don’t challenge the internet like that, EB.
I’m not taking it to Uncle Google… I’m just coming up with the disturbing ideas for OTHER people to be traumatized by.
You’re doing a wonderful job.
Duct tape duct tape duct tape duct tape.
I miss GrahamT and HHNF.
A little late (or really early) for this, but it’s the first thing I thought of, so…
Dashing through the wood
In a horse-drawn logger’s sleigh
O’er the ground we go
Bumping all the way
Bells on log-ends ring
Giving deer a fright
Oh what fun to chop down trees
In the middle of the night
OH!
Got no wheels
Got no wheels
All I got’s this sleigh
My great grandpappy used this thing
That’s why he passed away
OH!
Got no wheels
Got no wheels
All I got’s this sleigh
Come and buy this rotting heap
‘Fore the crossmembers give way
It doesn’t look like much
But apparently it works
The wood looks old and gnarled
But that’s one of its perks!
It’s a hundred twenty-five
(Give or take ten years)
Maybe it can’t transport logs
But it should hold a few beers
OH!
Got no wheels
Got no wheels
All I got’s this sleigh
It’s not just old, it’s quite antique
It’s worth two weeks of pay!
OH!
Got no wheels
Got no wheels
All I got’s this sleigh
Grab it quick before the termites
Eat it all away
Son of a-
Get outta my brain!
Sweet! It’s like Dueling Banjos, but with holiday song parodies about decomposing lumber.
Sorry, I have a thing for exploring strange new places.
OW! My Amygdala!
I tried to think of this in a non-smutty fashion, and failed immediately and spectacularly.
Now, now. I said “explore strange new places”, not “explore new strange in places.”
There’s a mental image that’s gonna linger.
*wiggles eyebrows*
So … what am I wearing?
Just see that sleigh there molding,
Rotting and mildewing too
Come on, it’s only weathered
It’s a sleigh to put together for you
Outside in the snow it’s sitting
And buyers are saying “screw you”,
Come on, it’s only weathered
It’s a sleigh to put together for you.
Piece of crap, piece of crap, piece of crap,
Let’s go, let’s go home,
We’re riding along and wondering what the foh.
Piece of crap, piece of crap, piece of crap,
It’s rancid; just hold your nose,
You’re living along with a bong
In a Sparkly fairy land
Your glasses are nice and rosy
And bat shit crazy are “we”
You’re snuggled up together
With two buckets and a hemp like tree
Let’s take that load of bogus
And fling it in the rubbish, whoohoo!
Come on, it’s only weathered
It’s a sleigh to put together for you.
There’s a pity party
At the home of Sparky today
It’ll be the perver ending a of perver day
We’ll be wearing the thongs
We love to wear, bought at the Taco shop
In our happy place while we watch
Our eyeballs pop. pop! pop! pop!
There’s a happy feeling
Only illegal drugs can buy
When we pass around the hashish
And all get pie eyed
It’ll nearly be like a picture print
Of naked Burl Ives
These terrible things are the things
We’ll forget through booze and lies!
Just see that sleigh there molding,
Rotting and mildewing too
Come on, it’s only weathered
It’s a sleigh to put together for you
Outside in the snow it’s sitting
And buyers are saying “screw you”,
Come on, it’s only weathered
It’s a sleigh to put together for you.
Come on, it’s only weathered, It’s a sleigh to put together for you.
Come on, it’s only weathered, It’s a sleigh to put together for you.
Must be Carol day…
Yeah….
I gotta go brush my teeth.
I wish I could be a fly on the wall at everyone’s work today to see all you guys humming Christmas songs under your breath as you feverishly try to rhyme “termite” with “hold my light” and “get sleighed” with “get laid”…..
Oh the fun times and it’s not even lunch time yet….
These words may replace the original ones for me. That will make holidays much more entertaining.
You know, I thought I’d get away clean… But no such luck… Earworm for a day…
Decaying in the yard,
Always in the way,
The wood’s no longer hard,
It’s gotta go today!
But my grandpa put it there,
And away he’d dash
I don’t think it’s really fair,
So I’ll sell it for big cash!
OHHHH!
Rotting wood, Rotting wood,
Rotting all the day!
Oh what fun it is to drag
A one horse detritus sleigh.
Rotting wood, Rotting wood,
Rotting all the day!
Oh what fun it is to drag
A one horse detritus sleigh!
Applause for using the word “detritus”. I love that word!
Detritus is one of my favorite words, but there is a vanishingly small number of situations that I find I’m able to use it.
Detritus.
You need to read more Terry Pratchett Disc World books, especially the ones about the Watch. Detritus is the first troll to join the Night Watch, and he uses a siege weapon as a crossbow. He’s one of my favorite characters.
I detritus it, too!
Windrose, I think you’ve found the solution to all ills.
Gesundheit! *hands taco a tissue*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURELHACH! *deep breath* Oh, I feel much better now. Been waiting all night to post that. 8) Hope it’s a great day, Ms. L.
Happy Birthday Laurel!!
Best wishes for a happy day.
Happy Birthday!
CELL-EE-BRATE!
Birth Laurelday, Happy!
Happy Birthday Laurel!!
Hippy Birdray!
Happy Birthday, Laurel – and many more tutus.
Happy Birthday, Laurel! Look, we got you wood!
Happy Birthday! Blessings of the Taco upon thee. *smacks with ruler*
Happy Birthday Laurel. I’m glad you are part of the Feb. birthday crew!
I brought you a cake with a little skirt on it! Blowing out the candles should be a breeze.
Oh…and for your prezzie I looked up your horrorscope for today:
You will get three years older on your birthday this year. Oops, your offering didn’t get noticed by the gods, but it did attract the attention of the local police. All colors are unlucky for you today, so it is advised that you walk around with your eyes closed at all times. http://38i.biz/horrorscopes/
*runs into wall*
I’m not sure if this is worth the un-unluckiness.
Happy birthday, you beautiful Dalek.
Happy birthday, Laurel!
Birthday happiness!
Happy you-niversary Laurel! You’re the coolest Dalek-inna-tutu I know, and that’s a fact!
Happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday! May you have many happy tutus in your future!
Thanks guys! I’ll be going out for Mexican food before the Snowpocalypse seals me back in!
Maybe we should have gotten you some Pepto instead. Oh, wait! We can get some and deliver it by horse-drawn wood sleigh!
Happy Birthday, Laurelhach!
¡Felice cumpleaños! then.
Get some tres leches cake!
(Icelandic: til hamingju með afmælið)
Three-leech cake? You eat weird things.
Happy birthday, Laurel!
Felix natalis tibi,
Felix natalis tibi,
Felix natalis cara Laurel,
Felix natalis tibi.
Just think, those 125 year old plastic buckets may have been among the first furniture used by college kids in the 19th century! I’m overcome with the heady air of history! Hold on a second.
What?
No, I don’t smell gas, why?
Leak? I don’t think so, not this tomato badger!
Sorry folks, gotta go because there’s a rutabaga and some kind of asphyxiation risk or some aardvark like that.
Detritus!
Hey look! There’s a quilt posing as BS!!
Wait.. I meant… Oh never mind…
It’s a magical word that turns cats into quilts!
Detritus!
Wow, that is freaky.
Detritus!
Whoah!
Detritus!
Holy Hannah!
Detritus!
Holy cow!
Wait… if it turns cats into quilts then how did it work on Taco?
He has cat ears on his avatar 🙂
“I know sir, I know sir … its a large outdoor jigsaw without the picture. It is , isn’t it? isn’t it?”
* Here ends the ‘searching the outdoors’ lesson for today. Tomorrow we’re going to look for the unicorn*
When are we going snipe hunting?
Looks more like it is horse, taken with a cheap cell phone camera, loggers sliegh.
Sparky follows a punctuation rule…and gets it wrong.
How exactly do horses draw? Do they do it the way that Mr. Ed was shown to on his television show, by holding a giant pencil in their mouth? Why would they want to draw loggers?
It’s a typo. The horses actually drown loggers – in other words, they sliegh them with water.
That makes far more sense. Everyone knows horses are evil, just look at Bad Horse and his Evil League of Evil.
That terrible death whinny…. *shudder*
Sometimes, after a long day, I drop by Mr. Ed’s on the way home for a couple of horse drawn lagers.
I have a gourmet meal for sale – $387. Food needs to be replaced.
I have a car for sale – $3200. All metal and plastic parts need to be replaced.
I have a chicken for sale – $19.99. The feathers need to be replaced but you can have this nifty
paper bucketcarrying case for free.Some assembly required.
SJ – don’t you mean some mastication required? Of course, the resulting assemblage (say 1-2 days hence) would not necessarily resemble a chicken…and if it has feathers, you have larger issues.
For sale, $150, reptile tank. Lizard needs to be replace. 8(
::hugs::
We’d love to hear stories if you want to tell them.
Awww…Windy…so sorry!
So sorry WR ((hug))
If it makes you feel any better, I hear lizard heaven is covered with warm rocks warmed by perpetual hot sun, and the swarms of insects are fat and lazy. Kind of like Atlantic City.
You people are so wonderful. I had Lunette for 5 years, even though she was really my daughter’s pet. When Alexia left home, we kept Lunette because we knew we could afford to feed her properly. Lunette loved it when we moved the finches into the room. She was very active whenever we moved birds around in different cages. Sometimes a zebra finch would get out of my hands, and end up behind the tank, between that and the wall. I didn’t know a lizard’s eyes could get so huge! 8) She would chase her actual food around the tank with her tongue sticking out. It looked so silly, but it got the job done. Last year she went into a winter sleep, so this year we thought she was doing the same thing. But she had stopped eating, and had made some strange gaping gestures, so I had a feeling things weren’t well. Still, it was a shock to find her unresponsive. Ah, well. Glad to hear lizard heaven is her kind of place.
Oh, Windy. I’m sorry. I know you have a lot of pets at your house, but also know that they are each special. You know, since lizards and birds are both descended from dinosaurs, maybe she liked having the birds in the room because they were kind of like family! Or maybe not. But that’s cute, regardless.
After all of today’s pet news, I’m going to go hug mine.
I have a man – brain needs to be replaced. Please take him off of my hands for free OBO. (He plays it.)
I’m not falling for that old expensive joke.
Can he do Puttin’ On the Ritz?
If you’re talking about Ritz crackers and a can of aerosol cheese, yes. (That’s what I suspect his brain cavity is filled with: spray cheese.)
Fair warning: snark may be turned down pretty low for the next couple of days. I came home from school today to find that Fido, one of our two pet guinea pigs, is no longer with us. So I’m not really feeling very snarky right now.
Aw, Astro. I’m sorry to hear that.
Sorry to hear that Astro. We buried two rats last August within weeks of each other. It’s tough when they’re no longer a part of the family.
*hugs*
Astro, I am so sorry! Here are several virtual Mom hugs (because they are the best for making you feel better).
Aww. ::hugs:: to you too.
Hugs, Astro, and so sorry..
I’m so sorry to hear that, Astro. {♥}
:hugs: :fresh cookies and hot chocolate: You have my sympathy.
My sympathies, Astro.
Oh no, your genie pigs! I’m sorry to hear that. Winston and Pickles bow their heads for a moment of respect.
Astro, Sunday night I found my bearded dragon had died. So I am still in mourning for her. I won’t have time to clean out and move her tank until the weekend, and every morning seeing it, and every night, is painful. I totally know what you are facing. Hang on to the happy memories.
So sorry to hear that, Astro. I remember coming home from junior high school to find the same thing had happened to my guinea pig, Honey. Sending comforting thoughts your way.
The [corey] of this is that there appear to be some legitimate, antique, sawyer and timbering tools in that pile.
But, antique is in the eye, and the use. Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs worked with some guys who still use mule-drawn skids to haul timber “picked” from forest stands.
The other issue being that, it’s the “irons” that make the tools. That Peavey is not much use without the metal billhook, for one.
By eyeball, there’s parts of three sets of skids in that pile, and a cant hook to go with the Peavey.
What this suggests to me is that a smart person has come and traded Spark’ a can of mixed beans for the “good” timbering stuff, the crosscut saws; the mule harnesses; the buckboard seat and the like.
Then, as the magic of the beans wore the least bit off, Spark’ wanted to know why they were not taking the wood bits, too. The clever Tinker likely said “Oh, we can’t afford those, they are too valuable for us–you’ll need to find a buyer, a collector, on line.”
Spark’, addled with dreams of avarice to beggar Crocus, gave us the abomination above . . . <sigh>
[/corey]
Didn’t people used to refer to Valium as “beans?” That would explain a lot.
Sometimes old is antique. Sometimes old is just crap. Sparky here got hisself a good ol’ pile o’ antique crap.
Detrutis!
“That Peavey is not much use without the metal billhook.”
I think that’s the elephant in the room that we’d all been avoiding all day. Thanks for being man enough to say it, Cap’n.
It needs its wood replaced? Reminds me of the axe George Washington chopped down the cherry tree with. You can buy it now. It’s had its handle replaced four times and its head replaced twice.
Except that story about Washington chopping down the cherry tree is apocryphal. I’m afraid you’ve got a Chinese counterfeit axe. I bet it doesn’t even play MP3s very well.
Now, if that were Lizzie Borden’s axe, we’d be talking.
I saw Leroy at the top, and my little mind went to the most famous Leroy of all.
LEEROY JENKINS!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zll_jAKvarw
He’s not gonna be an effective raider with that rusted out pile.
I think that was all there was left of their party.
Detrtitus?
Now that’s strange, indeed.
De de, de de, de de de de de de Detruthyes!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Indeed.
So HamCan is scared of himself? 😀
I’ve been trying to think of something clever to say about the ad all day, but I just can’t.
Once again, Sparky is trying to sell CRAP. In the spirit of the posts a couple days ago, Sparky wants to be paid to get rid of trash, rather than pay to have it hauled away.
Reset button?
Bianchi Sound, here’s your well deserved Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Bodiam Castle!