YSaC, Vol. 895: The meta, it hurts us, it does …
Dont suck at Craigslist!
If you have never been to the website, http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com, and dont want to be, email me your ad. Bored, unemployed writer will spruce up your ad, or at the very least, make it legible and spell all the words correctly. FREE service, and I hate spammers, so I will neither use your email address for any illicit, or spam like purpose, but I will not respond to spammers. :-p So there. Just email me the basic ad and I will hook you up. Happy CraigsListing!!!!
Finally, someone is addressing the biggest problem with Craigslist ads — illegibility!
I applaud this enterprising person. However, given that this ad was published over a year ago [Ed. note: yeah, it sometimes takes me a while to work through my saved ads], and that things have not gotten noticeably better in this (or any) Craigslist market, I suspect that not enough people have taken our bored scribe up on his magnanimous offer.
Also, ten yard penalty for incorrect use of neither. According to my football catulator, that leaves you with fourth and kibble.
Thanks, Ashley!
I think I know why the writer was unemployed.
I’m pretty sure Dave and the Ferret is the name of IF’s Echo and the Bunnyman tribute band.
O.M.G. We’re famous! This pretty much makes my day.
*checks teeth in mirror*
Mr. DeMille! I’m ready for my close-up!
Does this mean I have an excuse to buy new clothes? Maybe I can find a nice minty, bedazzeled outfit on CL.
You know you’re famous when someone is trying to ride your coattails. I wonder who this is/was? Corey?
This could be ANY one of us! We could have gotten this great idea, but known we had to dumb it down a little bit so it’s not a dead give-away. Er, at least, that seems to be possible. *engages cloaking devise*
I hope we don’t get swamped in the Snark Lounge today with autograph hunters and the like. Where did I leave my pecil?
Taco has it
Hammy ALWAYS has it.
You leave it lying around, someone’s gonna take it…
I like to work for mine a little. Scavenger hunt style.
Me too…
What?
Do you use mine hors for that?
Nah, I can’t afford ’em….
Hey, Bombdude’s back! Great day for it, too. : D
Can we take a few more points off for the confusion that is the first sentence?
Ah, now I see his scam. I wasn’t paying close enough attention but I see his double negative now.
“If you’ve never visit this site and never want to, I’ll help you not do that by offering a free service that has nothing directly to do with visiting the site. However, I can’t guarantee you’ll never be featured on it, even after my questionable revisions.”
Sneaky, sneaky.
I’m bothered enough by this part alone: “If you’ve never visit this site and never want to be”
Parallel construction is not parallel.
I’m a little bit insulted that someone would not want to visit this website! Sparky didn’t say anything about preventing your ad from being FEATURED here, just said that he could prevent you from visiting…
On second thought, Sparky would be inducing pink elephant syndrome. He’s telling everyone not to think of a pink elephant (visit the site), so naturally everyone thinks of a pink elephant (visits the site). Was there by any chance a significant uptick in readership around the time that ad was posted?
I was wondering the same thing, freaky puppy.
I have problems with pink elephants, they keep crushing the azaleas
Mix vermouth with almond bitters and a dash of hot sauce. You won’t get rid of the pink elephants, but the electric lime weasels that show up will keep them off the azaleas.
Bitters, vermouth and hot sauce? Well, at least it’s a dry heat.
Pink elephants are not good.
Elephants turn pick due to albinisim and subsequence sun burn.
Know how much sun screen it takes to cover an elephant?
Yes, I’d like another margarita now . . .
Oh, you adorably naïve snarkers. Of COURSE there was an uptick in traffic to YSaC, which was our beloved
Llamanun’s entire intention when She (BBUH) posted this ad.
Damn it, found out again.
(I love how Llamanun [BBUH] is commenting a lot today. Layer upon layer of meta… Meta upon meta?)
I’m just trying to make up for the ten day long vacation and the abyss that will happen when classes begin again.
That’s why he was already at fourth down.
Funny, when I started reading the ad, I immediately thought he was going to offer his services to get your ad taken down from here. (Fat chance, bub!) However I was pleased to note that he was instead willing to offer his services to spruce up your ad so it isn’t so embarrassing that it gets featured here. I will admit that his spelling and grammar alone probably wouldn’t have been enough to get him featured here if this were any other ad (presuming what he wanted or had to sell weren’t, either), so he seems to be using the Just Not-Bad Enough doctrine of saving people from public humiliation. And for free, too. Damn decent of him.
It’s like offering your services at a party of extroverted drunks prone to acts of wild abandon that you’ll glue their underwear on so they can’t strip completely naked in the middle of Times Square, and thus barely avoid that indecent exposure rap. Where else are you going to get such a service for free?
I’m curious how many people HAVE asked to have their ads taken down from here.
Precisely none.
Good.
I would not expect this site to appeal to the general Sparky population so if anyone ever did request their ad removed, it would have to either be a freak accident or it would mean you got corporatized and watered-down.
Like the publishing agent who told me that I needed to “dumb the site down” in order to make it marketable for a book?
There’s been a few ads I sort of expected to be asked to take down, but nobody has actually ever done it.
The closest it came was the guy who saw an ad on here for flagging services, thought I was offering flagging services, and sent me $5 in Paypal to flag the ad of his competitor. That one’s available here:
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=2452
Did you get to keep the donation?
Dumb down the site?
I weep.
And thank the gods you didn’t listen to that moron.
There are enough “dumbed down” sites out there already. It’s hard to find one that isn’t.
[corey] Actually, when I first found this site and was reading through the archives (but before checking out the comments) I’d assumed that the commenters would probably be like they were on every other schadenfreude site. When I did read the comments however I was delighted to find that not only were they not full of poor spelling, dumb comments and “First!” posts, but there was actually a community of smart, witty and friendly people. I was so surprised that a site like this could buck the trend most other make-fun-of-other-people-and-their-misfortunes sites that I had to join in. There are few enough places like this on the ‘net, you gotta jump in when you find ’em. [/corey]
Wait, is that a corey? It’s more like a cool story, bro.
Mindfield — I think it’s like taking a deep breath when you get home from a trip and thinking “it’s so nice to be home”.
Freakishly-smiling-puppy…and I thank the gods every day you stayed. You, my dear, are a true gem and there are countless dark days you have brightened for me.
You simply must stay.
Forever.
What? Too stalker-ish?
That depends … Have you built a puppy-sized cage in your basement and started stocking up on canine toothpaste?
CJ, do you think if we kept his brain in a jar, it would still provide stories for us? That way, we wouldn’t have to worry about the pesky kibble and canine toothpaste…
EB, I now add you to the girl-crush list.
Sweet!
….Wait, does that mean my brain is going to end up in a jar?
[blockquote]….Wait, does that mean my brain is going to end up in a jar?[/blockquote]
Too much?
edited to add – can someone tell me why my blockquote isn’t working? I paid the bill, dammit! kthxbai
It’s dangerous to go alone! Take these: < >
Oh fercryinoutloud!!
I blame the drugs.
Pick one…I don’t take it, but I’ll blame it.
Thanks EB.
Wow, um … what’s a nice way to say, “Thank you, but you’re creeping me the hell out and I don’t even like Chianti or fava beans so if you don’t mind I’m going to go slip into something a little more panic roomy”?
Keep my brain, indeed! Oh sure, it’ll tell you stories — to each one of you your own demise, in graphic detail, and then one by one, they will start coming true exactly as told, yet nobody will decide it would be a good idea to get the hell out of there after the first death and won’t catch on that it’s my brain doing all the killing until there are three left, two of which will still die in the manner described (one of which gratuitously showing their boobies just before with absolutely no context or reasoning), while the last one, bloodied, disheveled and having had it with these motherfarking deaths by this motherfarking brain, will manage to avoid his proscribed undoing against all odds and bash the brain into pudding with a bowling trophy. And yet, as the sun rises just over the horizon while our hero shambles out the front door to relish once again in the taste of freedom, his head is taken off by a bundle of I-beams propelled by a runaway crane. Just as the brain told.
The end.
I have a bowling trophy. Come on over. We’ll have grey pudding.
Personally, I’m not sure that this site would work as a book, largely because memes are often referenced in the posts, and a large portion of these memes originate in the comments. Therefore, they would have to find a way to put in the comments, which would be difficult due to gravatar hijinks, links, and a lot of other things.
Finally, if they did that, it’d be one thick helluva book.
Not so thick on my Nook…
Wow, after Mindfield’s Attack of the Prognosticating Brain story, I have a sudden urge to show my sweater hams, then bash something to pudding with a bowling trophy. I think was supposed to learn something about don’t stalk, or don’t steal entertaining people’s brains, but all I really got was show yer boobs and then smash sumthin’.
MF, I was thinking something very similar about YSaC earlier today. I’ve been reading through Not Always Right in my spare moments, and I’m so glad that at the end of the day I can come back here to
restorepatch over the gaping hole left by the destruction of my Faith in Humanity.AR, have you been interneting over my shoulder?
Maybe…
Do I need to brush my teeth again?
Lonely bored writer, incapable of using the apostrophe and hyphen, seeks adventurous craigslister wannabe for moonlight walks, Spam sammies and possible legibility (you know ahm sayin, it’s koo).
Only serious craigslisters, offering Spam, need apply.
I like Spam.
This should be read with a chorus of vikings singing in the background, reaching a crescendo by the end.
I DON’T LIKE SPAM!
spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam
Boy, people who don’t know Monty Python are going to think I am a real Cnut (as coined below).
We know the truth, Lara. You are a real Cnut. (Now I have to go read what that means, and I will edit this if needed. 8) )
Oh, it’s nothing bad. King Cnut (known as Cnut the Great, a.k.a. Knut or Canute) was an 11th century Viking king of Denmark who was famous for his undying love of spam.
Holy smokes, I didn’t think anyone would agree with me. *sits in the corner and cries*
Dearest Lara, I apologize for being mean and rude to you. You are not totally Cnuts. Please forgive me. Yours in Python Humor,
Windrose Luxury Yacht.
Sometimes you feel like Cnut.
Sometimes you don’t.
People who don’t know MP don’t count. So don’t worry.
It was. I can’t see the word without the chorus in my head.
I agree, smiley-puppy, but I don’t think you can get that service for free.
Maybe we could trade for some Spam?
Spam smammies available today in the green room with herbal tea (in honor of Taco).
Spam Sammies sound like the name of a song ….
A small Spam Sammie snuck off to the kitchen
Strung out on lasers and slash back breadses
Ate all your razors while pulling your headses
Talking bout mayo and walking on counters
The Kitchen’s a go-go except for the doubters
Poor little Sammie, woh ho
Get back home
The Spam Sammie lives on his back
The Spam Sammie loves chimney stacks
He’s outrageous, he screams and he bawls
Spam Sammie let yourself go!
There is nothing that is wrong
In wanting a delicious sammy
I know you’ve got somewhere to go
But won’t you make yourself a lovely Spam sammy?
Just leave enough for me
Make Spam sammies, and stuff them in my mouth
Lay on down some mayonnaise with a teaspoon
Make Spam sammies, we won’t run out too soon
I’ve been trying all night long to make my bowel move
The buns ain’t easy on the rye
And we still got some Branston Pickle above
Underneath the tins for pie
Spam is all that matters. Won’t you eat with me?
Why don’t you call me Steve?
Make Spam sammies, and stuff them in my mouth
Lay on down some mayonnaise with a teaspoon
Make Spam sammies, we won’t run out too soon
I’ve been trying all night long to make my bowel move
I want to eat ’til morning light
Covering my face so messily
Don’t you go, we have to try
To make a nice Spam Double Down and eat with glee
Oh God, I’m gonna heave
Make Spam sammies, and stuff them in my mouth
Lay on down some mayonnaise with a teaspoon
Make Spam sammies, we won’t run out too soon
I’ve been trying all night long to make my bowel move
Ask and ye shall receive.
Brantson Pickle, yum.
Now I want a Ploughman’s Lunch.
(The first time I encounted this particular relish, I did not enjoy it AT ALL. The second time, though, I got addicted.)
Moira, there’s an Irish Pub in town (one of a chain, unfortunately, but beggars can’t be choosy) that serves the Ploughman’s Lunch, as well as Boxty (bacstai in Gaelic), leek and potato soup with a rough brown bread, yum, and of course, corn beef. So when will you get here? Lunch or dinner?
All of the above… just as soon as the teleporter is fixed. (I seem to have broken mine in a spectacular way. Scotty and LaForge haven’t been able to do a THING with it. Then again, maybe it just started taking lessons from the catulator.)
Moira – Have you taken it to see The Doctor? Once you get it fixed, please pick me up on the way; I love leek and potato soup.
This isn’t far enough back to be “It who will not be Named” (Starts with “C”, ends with “idiot”.) It’s obviously a lurker. But which one?
I think it’s the one who keeps emptying the coffee pot and not refilling it. You know who you are.
Well we know which one it is not.
*cough*Taco*cough*
You might want to get that cough checked out. Once you start coughing up Taco it’s just a matter of time before you start sneezing Bacontini.
SJ…I believe I got the vaccine for that last year. It was part of the B/L/T – bacon/lotsa/taco – shot.
Weren’t we suppose to be kind to Taco … at least until he can have his coffee “fully loaded” again? You know how easily he snaps these days.
If I remember right from my last check-in of Facebook, he’s recovering from a bout of the nasties so he probably hasn’t been thinking about caffeine a lot recently.
I’m operating under some pretty heavy dosages of decongestants myself right now, so I might be imagining that.
I think I remember that he was getting over it a few days ago. Maybe work caught up? I know it did for me last week. (As witnessed by the caffeine-fueled drill sergeant sex toy thing…)
As witnessed by the WHAT?!?!?!
Geez, I’m gonna have to go through the archives now, and see what I missed whilst on vacation…
Here, I saved you the trouble :-p
Sorry, I meant to say “This is too far back to be the aforementioned troll, etc….”
Can’t rule out Taco. This may be some reverse psychology on his part.
Or perverse psychology.
Taco, do you not confirm or deny that you weren’t responsible for not posting this ad asking those who don’t visit here if they’d like to not visit here more for the purposes of not making asses of themselves? Well, come on, we want answers! Put your pecil down.
Wait, remember the other day when Taco was too lazy to respond to Sparky, and I was too lazy to snark for him and someone (christina?) was too lazy to post an add to CL to find someone to do it for us?
Maybe we caused a ripple in the space-time continuum whereby, in an alternate universe, we did actually post such an add, only it was a year ago.
And please put your pecil down.
I can’t find my pecil otherwise I might not try to never put it down. It’s koo
And now we’ve taken our pecils into the space time continuum. Great! You do realize that, among other things, one of the consequences of this is that every character Mindfield has ever created has now come to life and will soon wreak havoc on Teaneck, NJ.
I’ve been to Teaneck. I think that could only be an improvement. 8)
As long as I am far away from Teaneck, I would find that highly amusing.
Camden is even better!
8)
Ah, yes, Camden and Newark, the armpits of NJ.
I kind of feel like I should apologize for that remark, but I’ve been in the downtowns of both cities, and in fact feel “armpit” is a polite designation.
Teaneck isn’t bad, just a bit dull. Which is why imagining Mindfield’s imaginings there is amusing.
Actually, this was from over a year ago. It isn’t our favorite troll whose name I would prefer to not invoke here.
It’s also an ad from the diametrically opposed corner of the country from where the troll is.
So either it’s not from Jersey, or people have been lying to me about where trolls live.
Snookie (Or whatever she is called) is technically an Oompaloompa.
I was considering saying Snookie instead of trolls, but I’ve never actually seen that show, so I wasn’t sure it would really fit.
I’ve never seen it, either. But the glimpses I’ve had of the “people” involved make me get down on my knees and thank multiple deities that I live on the opposite side of a large landmass from them.
And sorry I missed out on your b-day celebration, Astro! I left a little present for you in your baritone. *snerk*
B-b-but… but… but… the stylesheet’s intact, see!
Eww.
Judging by what Uncle Google pulled up, “Snookie” looks like very slutty carrot.
That pretty much sums it up, except that all the butter and glaze in the world still can’t make Snookie appetizing.
Also, carrots are better at taking a punch, but not nearly as funny or satisfying to watch taking it.
“Neither” is only incorrect because it must me neither/nor, not neither/or.
It’s “spam like purpose” that bewildered me most. I kept thinking he meant to write “porpoise,” and shared my phobia about me emails being turned into pressed-meat cetaceans.
“spam like purpose” got me, too. I was wondering how he knew so much about the emailing habits of cetaceans.
I think you’re parsing it wrong.
It’s the neither that’s throwing people off; you think the “or” is connected to it. In fact, allowing for the obvious misspellings/typos, it parses like: “I will (never) use your E-Mail address for any(thing) illicit, or spam like porpoise.”
It’s kind of like, “…or my name’s not Skookum Tinklebaum.” Except it’s, “I’ll never spam you, or spam will make friends with and/or preferentially eat porpoises!”
I’m so glad you cleared that up.
I’m hoping this is tuna safe dolphin that you’re talking about! For Greenpeace sakes, save the tuna!
Abalone!
I don’t believe a word of it!
Nyuk nyuk Bd. Good to see you back around here again.
Thanks Mudsy. It’s good to be back.
Between the trip to India, then a week to catch up on the project that was 2 weeks in arrears due to the trip, then vacation at the Outlaw’s who have one computer tethered to a DSL modem, no wireless and kids of all ages in line for the access to the ‘Netz…
Whew! So now I’m back at work and all caught up… What else would I be doing? 😉
Oh the huge manatee!
[quote] “spam like purpose” got me, too. I was wondering how he knew so much about the emailing habits of cetaceans. [quote]
It’s hard to hit the keys with flippers. They just like to look at the Porpoises Gone Wild website.
dangit. I’m working on it.
I think what you’re looking for is [blockquote], but in angle brackets.
Thanks sarajean, I tried that but didn’t put the word block in. I took too long and I couldn’t edit it.
“spam like purpose” should actually read, “spam, like on purpose”.
I like Spam.
There’s also that weird “but I will not respond to spammers” hanging out at the end of that sentence. I’m not quite sure how that’s supposed to relate to the neither / [n]or phrase immediately preceeding it since “but” is a contrasting preposition and places its phrase in opposition to the one before it.
Huh?!?!
Sheesh…
Sorry. Reliving 6th grade grammar.
I’ve been trying to recall all the rules and definitions lately inspired, in part, by my irritation with “Conjunction Junction” and its eliptic (not *quite* circular) definitions of “and,” “but,” and “or.”
Oh great! You had to go and say the name, didn’t you…
Thanks for the ear worm, Moira…
Ear worms are what we’re second best at, here! 😀
Yeah, I have to agree with Bombdude — but that was from a loooonnnngggg time ago.
It’s preferable to the earworm I’ve had since Sunday…. It’s eating my soul….
Yesterday I, predictably, had Crazy for You by Madonna. It was like I was at a 5th grade dance all over again. I’m going to need way more therapy.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
*clutches head*
Earworm transference ensues…
*sobs*
Mooooom! Make ’em stop!!!
I briefly had Lay Down Sally stuck in my head because of the parody I wrote above, but now I’ve got Brown Eyed Girl stuck in my head, because it’s a co-worker’s new ringtone. Not a terrible earworm to have, I suppose. I’ve had far worse.
I’m not going to list any because that means I’d have to think of at least one, and then that would be stuck in I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never going to keep me down, I get knocked down…
F*ck.
At least my earworm is relatively short…. But that means it repeats more often -_-
You’ve had a birthday, shout hooray!
We’d like to sing to you today.
One year older and wiser too!
Happy birthday (pause) to you!
Make it stop eating my soooouuuullllllll…….
Look for the… bare necessities, the simple bare necessities
Forget about your worry and your strife
I mean the… bare necessities – that’s why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life.
Yeah, man!
*sigh*
I hate you…*
*May not necessarily be true…
Whoa!! Now I have to kill all of you….with….
….in short there’s simply not, a more congealed spot…
….than happily-ever-after-here-in Spaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmm-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-lotttt….
:unleashes Epic level earworm:
I’m ‘Enery the Eighth I am,
‘Enery the Eighth I am I am
I got married to the widow next door
and she’s been married seven times before
and every one was an ‘Enery (‘Enery!)
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam!)
I’m ‘er eighth old man, I’m ‘Enery, ‘Enery the Eighth I am!
Second verse, same as the first!
:runs for cover:
It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears
It’s a world of hopes, and a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all …
I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t, you hear? But you made me, you all made me do it! This is your fault, man! This is all on you!
On top of spaghetti
All covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
When somebody sneezed…
AHHHHHHHHHH!
Make … the puppets … stop…
:head explodes:
This is the song that never ends!
It just goes on and on my friends…
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
And then continued singing it forever just because
This is the song that never ends
It just goes on and on my friends…
….
….
….
I like to eat, eat, eat
Apples and Bananas
I like to eat, eat, eat
Apples and Bananas
I like to ate, ate, ate
Ayples and ba nay nays
I like to ate, ate, ate
Ayples and ba nay nays
.
.
.
What?
I really have to amuse myself at work to keep from getting stressed.
The Following Song is Dedicated to Apostrophe Abuser’s Everywhere
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and this is how it goes… bum. bum. buuuum…
I know a song that gets on everybodys nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybodys nerve’s,
I know a song that get on everybodys nerve’s and that was how it goe’s!
You’re a dangerous one with the copy and paste, Astro.
Also, it’s funny that it was mentioned above, I just heard “Crazy for You” on the radio. If I still remember that in the morning, it’ll be annoying.
We now have the Sisyphus of Craigslist!
He’s gonna get crushed by a big rock?
If he got any business from that ad, it’s rather likely that he already has been.
I think he’s Pronmetheus. Gets his liver eaten out every day as punishment for bringing pron to mankind.
Pronmetheus sounds like a really terrible metal band comprised of high school-age boys.
And here I was thinking of an exploding pronmetheus lab catalysted [lol] by an abundance of over-the-counter cold medications and Penthouse magazines.
He’s fighting an impossible tide of Sparkies?
Wouldn’t that make him more of a Cnut? (She said, spelling v-e-r-y carefully…)
Craigslist caught syphilis?
That’s why Craig got rid of the Adult services section…
groan
I strongly disapprove of any device or service that would prevent people from sucking at Craigslist. What on earth would we do all day if this sort of thing caught on? We’d have to repurpose the Snark Lounge into a jello-wrestling room or something. And I for one don’t care for jello.
We could try pudding
As long as it’s not oil wrestling. That stuff is murder on your hair.
Ummmm…Or so I hear.
I hear gravy wrestling is gaining traction in Japan. Uh, so to speak.
(I wish I were kidding.)
I seem to recall someone mentioning creamed corn wrestling in Carl Hiaasen’s Striptease. I can’t decide whether that or gravy would be more gross.
Yup, it was in Striptease.
If someone offered me a lot of money and I had to choose between stumbling around a kiddie pool in a bikini, covered in clots of cold corn or congealed lumps of gravy, I would rather just knock that someone over the head with a blunt object and steal their money.
I would help you Sarajean. Let’s just go mug some people anyway.
Seems like a sound economic plan to me, Lara. Just let me polish my crowbar a bit…
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Orrrrrrrrrrrrr—SPAM!!
There are places processed meat products were never meant to go.
The wrestling ring is one of those places.
Let’s be honest here: Unless Craigslist shuts down (perish the thought!), there will never be a shortage of people sucking at it. You could have a thousand such people offering the same service, they might as well be monkeys with typewriters and we still wouldn’t get the complete works of Shakespeare.
*coughroostercough*
I keep imagining this writer meaning spruce as an evergreen rather than a way to make your ad more spiffy. He’ll spruce your ad up by beating himself with a sapling before writing the ad. Or is that just wishful thinking?
Yeah – my evil(?) plot to make YSAC post of the day finally worked. Now I can bask in the glory of being used, abused, rode hard and put away wet.
Wait….I didn’t write that ad.
Did you send a link to Sparky to let him know that he is featured on YSAC just in case he has stopped lurking?
Can we just hyphenate “spam like”? Please?
WE can, but Sparky, apparently, can’t.
I think I know why, too…
Oh my…
Look at your keyboard…
Notice the position of the hyphen and the apostrophe? (Neither of which Sparky uses)
Now look at the ad…
Back at the keyboard…
The ad…
Keyboard…
Ad…
Sigh…it’s apparent, isn’t it? Sparky suffered a severe laceration to his right pinky…OPENING A CAN OF SPAM!
My keyboard is suddenly sitting backwards on a white stallion and riding down the beach.
Is that normal?
I thought we were in an old spice commercial for a minute
Jinx Sarajean! Great minds think alike
Thank goodness it wasn’t a can of hamcan.
Here ya go ladies:
Isaiah Mustafa
Hiyah!
My work here is complete.
Isaiah Mustafa! What a wonderful phrase
Isaiah Mustafa! Ain’t no passing craze
It means no worries for the rest of your days
It’s our problem-free philosophy
Isaiah Mustafa!
A can of hamcan? Is that like a Russian nesting ham? Meta matryoshka.
You are in fine form today, CJ!
Did you want to hyphenate the words “spam like” or did you want to hyphenate like spam? Because now I’m curious to know how spam hyphenates.
With the Super-Spam-Hyphenator-2011, of course!
Well, you see, every fall, it consumes twice its own weight in premium asshat, and then retreats to 4chan for the winter, surviving only on its own bloated weight as its metabolism slows near to dial-up speeds. Thus is how spam hyphenates.
Wait, I thought that was trolls? Personally, I use the Randall Munroe method and hyphenate one word to the right.
Hello. My name is Windrose, and I put an ad on Craigslist. I didn’t want to do it, but none of the pet stores wanted the love birds. And I screwed up. The price per unit sounded like the price for the whole set. Now I have to send emails to all the crazy Sparkies who thought they found such a deal and explain. I did update the ad. But if only I had seen this other ad first! I could have posted a spruced up ad.
The good news is, the photo with the ad is exactly what is being offered, and it’s right side up. Hooray!
Of course you realize that you passed up a chance at immortality here by posting a correct ad, don’t you?
Aren’t you just a little disappointed?
CJ, I don’t know what came over me! I tried to be koo, but it just didn’t look right on the screen. I’ll take my pecil and go sit in the corner.
Isn’t grabbing the pecil what got you sent to the corner in the first place?
Lola, don’t be a tattle-tale! *sneaks off to different corner*
The corner is the best place to grab your pecil, unless you’re one of those exhibitionist types…
I’m sure grabbing your own pecil is perfectly acceptable, but try not to do it in public so often.
Would you people cut that out? It’s like a hypergrapplia convention in here.
I think there are laws against grabbing a pecil in public, either your own or one belonging to someone else.
You are quite right SJ:
Flier Blames Tabasco Spill For Lewd Act
This post makes me happy. It acknowledges that people suck at CL and mentions the site. It also attempts to let people know that they may suck at CL and offers them help.
Mostly, though, it makes me happy because I could take a red pen to it and make it better WITHOUT having my brain try to explode even ONCE. It’s the CL equivalent of a house needing a coat of paint and new outlet covers instead of one with holes in the ceiling, matted, moldy carpeting, and peeling wallpaper.
Or the houae which looks like it only needs new paint, but, in fact, has every possible defect merely covered in wallpaper about to reach exipry date in 4, 3, 2 . . .
I’ve never seen a houae before.
Are houaei anything like giraffes?
This may help the Sparkies post; maybe not……..
The period is a busy man.
A small round traffic cop.
He blocks the helter-skelter words
And brings them to a stop.
The question mark’s a tiny girl,
She’s small but very wise;
She asks too many questions
For a person of her size.
Of all the punctuation folk,
I like the comma best.
For when I’m getting out of breath
He lets me take a rest.
Quotation marks are curious.
When friendly talk begins
You’ll always find these little marks
Are busy listening in.
The exclamation mark’s an elf,
Who is easily excited.
When children laugh or cry or scream
It’s then he’s most delighted.
Apostrophe’s a possessive oaf,
Perched high upon a shelf.
He sometimes keeps his letters
hidden for himself.
My poor students are going to have to put up with me reciting this to them in a sing-song voice tomorrow.
That’s great Jane. I wish I could be there to see their contorted little faces. I actually made up one of the stanzas, the rest I
ripped offborrowed from a site that did not give credit to the original poet. Did good, whoever it was……….Given the number of posters on CL daily vs the number of posts that are featured here, isn’t this service a little like offering insurance against having your pants fall down during a penguin attack?
Oooh, how much are the premiums? Maybe they will let me back into Sea World if I have insurance now!
The premiums are low, Windy, but there’s always those “gross negligence” and “acts of nature” clauses to consider.
And didn’t the judge rule that you’d been baiting the penguins?
Would that make Windy a master of baiting penguins?
That or a Master-baiter of pengui…
Eew…
I’ll be your straight man, SJ
Thanks, Bd!
Don’t to it! You know it’d be impossible to collect on a claim with them. They’d be all like, “Oh, I’m sure your pants fell down after they attacked. Isn’t it true that they attacked because you pulled your pants down?” Then it’s just your word against the penguins’, and they’ll say anything for a bucket of herring.
If your pecil resembles a herring, they’ll definitely attack you after your pants fall down, but I don’t think Windy has her own pecil …
erm.
I’ve thoroughly confused myself. I’ll be over here with the flask.
*goes to corner*
Now let’s not bicker and argue over whose pants fell down and when. Ahem. Looks like I need insurance AND a bigger bucket of herring! Wonder if I can cut down a tree with one of these herrings?
*confused* I think my doors reset…. There are several comments that I could have SWORN I already doored, but I have a +1 by them again. *shrugs*
I had that happening the other day, I think … I was really, really tired and thought that I was imagining things, so I didn’t mention it. Guess it really did happen.
You know what else? I doored Moira..on something up there…and it subtracted a door!!
I’ve since quit dooring, and feel bad about costing Moira one.
I’ll go hide in a corner, that is if all the pecil-holders have vacated.
I had that happen the other day, when I hit refresh the number of doors returned to the original.
Again today I thank the gods that I had not accidentally caused a rip in the very fabric of the time-space thingy that keeps us all from getting sucked into holes or something.
Lola, can I get a hit off that flask? Thanks, babe.
There’s real Cuban rum in it today.* Knock yourself out, CJ.
*Totally true, and totally legal.
Yesterday, I was able to hand out doors to comments I had already adored if I refreshed the page. Today, my doors are sticking properly.
This is like hunting Easter Eggs*… What funny quirk will the site have for me TODAY? 😀
*The “this year” eggs far FAR outnumber the “last year or older” eggs, happily.
Ditto.
it’s like some bizarre situation with cookie reset values–nothing wonky enough to trigger firewall notice; nor egregious to cause a 500 level errror-but still very real. Annoying.
I really wanted to name this guy the ‘Unselfish Hero of Craigslist’. Look, he’s not even requesting payment!
But… I ate lunch and that feeling went away.
OT for the Cat Lovers:
http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=3773
Cute, but no match for Two Lumps. 🙂
I like one of The Oatmeal’s take on cats :-p
The best Two Lumps was an early story arc where they got Mom’s credit card, ordered pizza, but couldn’t open the door when the pizza got there. Great strip.
I wan’na play too………
Many doors for Simon’s Cat!
I love Simon’s Cat!
A bored, unemployed writer of antispam.
Thought, keep ’em off You Suck At Craigslist, I can.
Concocting an ad.
He hoped neither bad.
And off to the Craigslist his ad it had ran.
“Been on their website, and don’t want to be?”
Said “spruce up your ad, for sale or free.”
But Sparky it seemed.
Could only have deemed.
“Does he mean fix, or an evergreen tree?”
At the opposite corner from troll.
He tried once again at his goal.
The impossible tide.
Of all Sparkies he’d ride.
Into the object he wanted to null.
So, as promised, here is the Year of Don’t Suck-Off Scores: (fanfare, please)
In 5th place, with 14 total appearances in the box: HAMCAN!
In 4th place, with 17 total appearances, MINDFIELD!
In 3rd place, with 18, MandaB!
In 2nd place with 20, SARAJEAN80!
And, in 1st place, although he hasn’t shown up today, with 24, TACO TYPO MAGIC!
*cue fireworks, and fade to black. Commercial*
If you were REALLY an awards show, you’d have the commercial break right BEFORE announcing first place :-p
Oh, there was one, but we DVRed the program beforehand so as to fast forward through it.
Also,
how’s this?
Very festive!
Woohoo! Up yours, Simon Cowell! Tell me my snark sounds like a Dramamine-laced Dane Cook with his head stuck up a buffalo on a hot Texas day, will you?
Congrats to all the snarkers, especially Taco and his pecil! This is, like the mecca of snark; the celestial pole of puns, the quasar in the galaxy of wit; the fount of funny; the funky wah-wah guitar soundtrack to top-shelf sarcasmoporn; the chocolate truffle in the middle of a gift basket of fruitcake; the one empty public bathroom stall when you really, really gotta go — and it’s perfectly clean; the one knife you need in the midst of 10,000 spoons, all of whom are singing Romantic Traffic; the visual of watching Justin Beiber reading the comments and repeatedly going, “Huh? I don’t understand” before becoming fed up and moving to this strange new land called Germany; the discovery that Al Qaeda is mostly comprised of people exactly like Achmed the Dead Terrorist; the–
Oh, am I gushing? Sorry. I’ll take my pecil and go over there.
Nuh-uh. You get that outta here ‘afore the Rule 34 gnomes find us.
“Oh, my, your pecil is sooooooooo big. It, like, totally blocks out the sun. I can’t understand how anyone could fail to be turned on by that, no sir.”
“Oh yeah, I love it when you get facetious! Sharper, sharper wit! Yeah, just like that. Tell me how ‘awesome’ my tartan boxer briefs are.”
Oh, I can’t wait to use that in a sentence.
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.
I’d like to thank the red table that I paid $12 to get free, the not.a.lion, the not.a.lionel richie terracotta creations consortium, the bees, our illustrious and dynamic parents of snark (bees be with them), our daily crew of commenters, our lurkers, the coreys and matts who give us our tags, and, of course, myself because I couldn’t have done it without me.
Congradulatations to my fellow winners! Let’s all bring some really good snark to the table during 2011!
I’ll be in my bunk.
Thanks for keeping track Windy, I’m not worthy!
You’re welcome, Hammy and everyone! My pleasure, in fact. 8) I am going to figure out some how to post the year’s results, in the Fora. That everyone can see how well they did and set the bar higher for 2011!
Sweet!
I took a big number two!
I mean … I came in second!
I find it amazing that not only is there a community of decent, funny, snarkalicious smartasses on the ‘net, but that I managed to find it. Kudos to everyone, just for being made of awesome.
Congratulations winners! You all have made my days a bit brighter during the past year. Judging by the last block of posts, you’ve been passing the flask around for a little well-deserved celebration party – haven’t you?
*hic*
It’s full again, Coffy. 😀
Sorry I missed the snark today. Super busy today, and most likely again tomorrow.
I’ll see everyone for some more prolific typoing on Thursday… hopefully.
Me too, I mean they actually expected me to work after being off on holiday for two weeks.
🙁
Well, Christmas is over but I had one more holiday song left in me…
Don’t suck at craigslist like bedazzled deer paws
Get rid of my old Christmas hedgehogs
Drown in shoulder knees with Innana’s jugs
Guffaw at the little typos from Taco’s mugs
Koo, koo koo! Who’ll hide me, Ho? Koo, koo koo!! Who’ll hide me, Ho?
Up on the swingset, squick, squick, squick
Homosexual cassette tapes with a free black cock
I’m going to play that one over and over, Hammy! 8)
Are you going to get a homosexual cassette tape of it?
No, I’ll stick to mono.
I know there’s been a lot of gushing today, but I’m going to add to it.
You guys are extremely funny, and always cheer me up. Seriously, I love this community.
Ima second the darling AR…God love ya, kids..I know I do. 😉
Dangit. Late to the party again. Great snarkIng everyone. I kept snorting into my pillow to keep from waking the house up.
My YSAC crush-o’-the-day is LRC, for the space-time-rip theory and the hilarious improvement on the Hakuna Matata earworm. (I find this to be the most persistent because when I think it’s gone it’s really just quietly back there stuck in the “Hakuna! Matata! Hakuna! Matata!” rif at the end until I’m almost completely asleep and just then my brain belts out “HakUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUnamatata”.) So, here, LRC: a seasonally early* conversation heart for you <3. (It says "Stay Koo.")
*my local grocer has chocolate bunnies out already. REALLY?!
Gosh, I’m running late tonight. Hell of a party, you guys! Whoever made the Not.A.Lionel Cheese Dip did a great job.
Dave, and of course the ferret, Punchity Punch Punch!
HamCan, here’s an honorable Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, San Francisco!
Oh, and a special link for everyone:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4sALru9IJk&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
My gadz, I mees yous guyz!
Come by more, we’re still here!
Let me add my thanks to the YSaC fambly of snarkers and our fearless leaders (BBUT). Between you and Mr. Eyebrows, I laugh so much I know all my wrinkles will go up!