YSaC, Vol. 869: I’m holding out for a Hoagie.

2010 December 3

I AM YOUR HERO


I DONT CARE YOUR AGE

mmmm… sammich.

Although, to be honest, I DO care about the age.  I’m not eating anything from before about the mid-Renaissance at the earliest.  One must have standards, after all.  Unless it has bacon.

mmmm…. bacon.

Thanks, rmason!

290 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 December 3
    LimeLolly permalink

    I need a hero.
    I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night.
    He’s gotta be strong
    And he’s gotta be fast and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 December 3

      Thus, the title.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        Limelolly permalink

        Yeah, I borrowed Captain Obvious’ costume this week.

        How ’bout this?

        Pastrami always lasts all night… and returns again, and again and again. But it was soooo good the first time.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          Windrose permalink

          How about a little Alan Sherman?

          When you go to the delicatessan store,
          Don’t buy the liverwurst, don’t buy the liverwurst, don’t buy the liverwurst,
          I repeat what I just said before,
          Don’t buy the liverwurst, don’t buy the liverwurst!

          Oh, buy salami if you must, the pickled herring you can trust,
          And the lox puts you in orbit, A-OK.
          But that big hunk of liverwurst has been there since October 1st,
          And today is the 21st of May!

          Everybody!

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3

      I could be your hero, baby
      I could grill a panini
      I could be your hero, baby
      don’t you take my bread away…

      (with no apologies to Enrique Iglesias)

      Adores: 10
      • 2010 December 3

        I always sing it:

        I could eat a hero sandwich.
        On a hoagie with some cheese.
        I could eat a hero sandwich.
        Would you fix one for me please?

        Adores: 11
      • 2010 December 3
        penguin permalink

        I’ll take an Enrique sammich anyway I can get it- with or without the bread.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 December 3

          How thin do you like him sliced?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Meej permalink

          Ahh, Wisconsin.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          kelli permalink

          Meej, I’ve never before heard anyone say, “Ahh, Wisconsin.” Normally, I hear them say, “Ugh, Wisconsin.”

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 December 3

          Sign I want to put outside of Vermont:

          Welcome to Vermont, the other, smaller Wisconsin!

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 December 3
          Meej permalink

          Kelli – Try a 13-hour marathon drive from Central NY to GenCon back when it was in Milwaukee. That certainly prompted an “Ahh, Wisconsin.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          mudslicker permalink

          …with the better maple syrup!

          “Welcome to Vermont…at least we’re not Nebraska”

          *I kid Nebraska….

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 December 3

          I was sad when they moved it to Indianapolis, now I have to pay for a hotel when/if I go to GenCon :(.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          mudslicker permalink

          They moved Vermont to Indianapolis?

          Ooh…oh…never mind…something about Gender Conflicts…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          Geneva Convention.

          Geeze Mudsy, where have you been?!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          When I worked field service and was flying all over the place from MSP while sorta maintaining an apartment in western Wisconsin, I said, “Ahhh, Wisconsin!” every time I returned from a trip.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          mudslicker permalink

          Geneva Convention? Shouldn’t that be up in Wisconsin? Silly rabbits, George….

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Try a 13-hour marathon drive from Central NY to GenCon back when it was in Milwaukee. That certainly prompted an “Ahh, Wisconsin.”

          That’s why I may be the only person who says “Aah, Sioux Falls, South Dakota.” After an all-day drive across Iowa the long way, Sioux Falls is Eden.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 December 3

      I throw my Hero in the air sometimes, singin’, “Heyo, where’s my Mayo?”…

      Adores: 8
  2. 2010 December 3

    I am your panini.

    I don’t care if your a grill.

    Adores: 20
  3. 2010 December 3
    sarajean80 permalink

    I’m not ready for the commitment of a hero.

    Can we just be Hot Pockets?

    Adores: 25
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      I’m more of a sub kinda guy, really, but I could settle for a wrap. We could be wrappers.

      I’m strong, I’ll wrap your sandwich in my paper
      I’ll give a little twist at the end for a nice taper
      I’ll keep it real warm and protect it from the elements
      And when you’re ready I’ll unwrap so you can eat with my compliments
      *wikiwikiwiki*

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 December 3
        Stephanae permalink

        I’m more of a sub kinda guy

        Perfect! I’m a dom kinda girl. Come over some time, Mindfield. I’m sure I can think of something to do with mayo and hoagie buns.

        Adores: 15
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Excellent! Should I bring the bacon briefs?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          The smiling dog is suddenly giving me the jeebies.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          You must be thinking of someone else. I never offered you jeebies. I’d rather keep my jeebies, thank you very much.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Lola permalink

          I had the jeebies once, but the Valtrex cleared that right up.

          What?

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 December 3
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Excellent! Should I bring the bacon briefs?

        MF – I think you’ll have to talk to Bridgete about filing your bacon briefs. (NOTE: I said ‘filing’, not ‘filling’ – although that might be interesting).

        Will you also be bringing lettuce lingerie and a tomato thong?

        I do NOT want to hear anything about mayo…

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 December 3
      christina permalink

      Hey baby, be my hot pocket.
      Nope, that’s not perverse at all.

      Adores: 10
      • 2010 December 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        :attempts to look innocent:

        What are you implying, christina?

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 December 3
          christina permalink

          Blame the Blogess. If it wasn’t for her I’d have no idea some women use their bits as a pocket.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 December 3

          **splutter**
          **cleans beverage* off of desk**

          And in the category of things I least expected to ever find out, especially scrolling down this page…

          *This beverage, of course, only exists for purposes of emphasis. I’ve learned not to drink and snark.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          Hopefully they don’t put keys in there. Ouch.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Something to remember the next time a girl offers you some gum.

          (I could share my mom’s disgusting “Things we found “up there” while doing my externship” story, but …. No. Just no. I wish I hadn’t heard it.)

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Let the record reflect that I do not, have not, would not use the bits as a totebag. And I am entirely confident that this is not, repeat NOT, a thing. Nobody does that outside of prison and extreme hoarding situations. SJ’s Mom just hangs with the wrong crowd, that’s all.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          I don’t know, Tank, have you seen some of the skimpy little things girls will wear now? They don’t have anywhere else for their iPhones!*

          *Ewww…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          Camille permalink

          Apparently certain alleged celebrities allegedly use this unusual storage method.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Well, I guess space for carry-ons is getting scarce, and they’re charging for checked baggage now…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 4
          tmh permalink

          Once, in a public restroom) saw female retrieve her car keys from her ‘storage compartment”. Upon noticing my WTF face, replied” I don’t like to carry a purse’ .

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3

      Can I get a half sandwich and a cup of soup deal?

      Adores: 5
  4. 2010 December 3
    Mindfield permalink

    I am your hero
    I don’t care what your age, as
    Long as you eat me

    Adores: 11
  5. 2010 December 3

    Just when you thought the Quiznos marketing team couldn’t stoop any lower…

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      Yeah, but the problem is you’ll order that delicious sandwich and it’ll arrive with three random pieces of meat, half a slice of cheese, and layers of butter, mayo and mustard each spread to the legal minimum thickness of one molecule. And you’ll pay $15 for it.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 December 3

        I’m glad I’m not the only one who despises what Quiznos actually is vs. the image they try to project through their commercials.

        The first time I ever went was with my father. We ordered two ‘full sized’ grilled sandwiches and proceeded to eat them. After we finished my father said, “Well, that was underwhelming. Want to hit up McConies* so that we can actually get… you know… full? I’d buy you another sandwich here, but the royal treasury has been depleted by recent and disappointing acquisitions.”

        People wonder why I’m such a smart ass. I tend not to wonder too much about it.

        *Best. Sandwiches. Ever.

        Adores: 14
        • 2010 December 3
          ToBScholarly permalink

          Your dad is brilliant.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Ah, fathers. 🙂

          Yeah, I want to like Quiznos because some of the sandwiches actually taste pretty good, but I swear their R&D department spends their entire budget figuring out exactly how little they can stuff between two halves of an undersized bun so that the whole is just suggestive enough of a sandwich that you think you’ve eaten something, but can’t be entirely sure so you might just order another one just to be safe.

          Their motto should be, “Mmmm, toast.”

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          mudslicker permalink

          Best hot dogs ever:

          Pappy’s

          And I normally hate hot dogs.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          mudslicker permalink

          WTH? My link hated me…and i got a 400 bad request on CHROME so I couldn’t fix it in edit!!! Aargh.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          I spelled it wrong, but:

          Maconi’s Italian Subs.

          Their Meatball, Sausage, and Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches are good enough that you would be willing to pay for them with dead bodies.

          Even better though is to get buddy-buddy with the owner and create the “Supper Pizza Sub.” Basically you get sausage, meatballs, and peperoni drenched in marinara sauce and topped with mozerella and bacon. It never made it onto his menu due to the heart-stopping nature of the sandwich.

          The one in Lacey was literally 3 blocks from my parents’ clinic, we ate there a lot. I think my dad also treated their pets in trade for sandwiches, but I might have just hallucinated that.

          “Need her spayed, huh? Well I’m afraid that’s going to cost you 10 footlong subs and a gallon of soup. If you toss in 2 additional toppings of choice for each sub I’ll declaw her at the same time.”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Their Meatball, Sausage, and Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches are good enough that you would be willing to pay for them with dead bodies.

          I’ve never heard of the barter system working like that before, but when in Rome The Land of Serial Killers and Odd Dairy Fixations …

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Typo, you were talking about Meconi’s (correct spelling if you’re talking about the one here) which I have never tried despite living here for years. But I was at an ethics CLE this morning and on the way back to the office my coirker mentioned that he is going to insist we have our next birthday lunch there. So I will back him up and report back to headquarters.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          Yup Meconi’s. I cannot spell it today for some reason.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        Lola permalink

        There used to be one around the corner from where I work. You actually got halfway decent sandwiches (probably because the staff didn’t want to deal with vocal NYers coming back and bitching all of the time) but they all came with a free, unrequested side of virulent apathy.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          Yancy permalink

          I used to pine for the days when I could visit Quizno’s because we didn’t have any. Then we got two locations almost within a month of each other and I was happy. But being able to go any time kinda made it lose a little of its magic. Then the jerks at Subway signed an exclusive deal with Coke (I’m a coke-a-holic), meaning Quizno’s had to switch to serving pepsi that other stuff. The sandwiches that our local Quizno’s locations serve seem to exceed the descriptions you guys are offering, but since they’d probably frown upon me if I brought my own soda I don’t suggest them that often.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          It probably depends on the owners, but at every Quiznos I’ve been to, they seem to be most concerned with using the least amount of ingredients they can get away with before you complain that you paid for a sandwich, not an hors d’oeuvre. I honestly think that their high prices and the delivery fees are the only way they stay in business, because whenever I pass one there’s never anyone eating there.

          They remind me of a low-rent version those so-called haute cuisine restaurants in the 80s you’d hear about that charged you $50 for a plate containing a half-ounce steak topped with a sprig of parsley, half a cherry tomato, and three peppercorns artfully arranged on a zig-zag trail of bearnaise sauce with a generous side of smug.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 December 3
          kelli permalink

          On campus, we have a sandwich place that charges by the pound. I’ve never paid as much there as I do at Subway or Quizno’s. The one thing I’ve always despised about Subway was the little rectangles of cheese they put on the sandwiches. They treat cheese as a garnish.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          They use 2 slices (4 triangle-cut half slices) here, and since they started properly tessellating them you don’t get bare areas and areas with too much cheese. If anything Subway has increased their cheese around here; they used to put just the four triangles on their pizza sub, now they use 8. Not that I eat at Subway very often, but I don’t find them particularly objectionable.

          I do, however, object to the fact that most of them don’t seem to have green olives as a topping, just black. Also, the new pizza they’re testing out at certain branches? The pepperoni one is atrocious. The meat tastes like it was made from an undead pig.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          Zombacon!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Oh no … Can a zombacontini be very far behind?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          Ladiiiiieeeeeees…….

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          Zombacontini permalink

          Despite what people tink of de zombacontini, he not so bad. Sure he may nibble de brains from time to time, but he is here for dem more den dey are here for his enjoyment.

          Surely you can see dat Zombacontini is here for everybody, but mostly de brains. Especially de lady brains.

          De Lady Brains is Zombacontini’s favorite band too.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          Ohhh Silvanoir could draw that. A piece of bacon with arms and legs, eating another piece of bacon, and holding a bacontini. Maybe.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Windrose permalink

          Very near my house is a new Deli that just opened up, called Hungry Bear. Their sammiches are big, filling, and they do hot or cold things. I still find it odd that they cut their dill pickles and tomatoes into chunks instead of slices, but it works. They have a Ruben that is good, and a Rachel that is also good (one is corned beef, the other is pastrami, I forget which is which).
          The only drawback to the place is that it’s very tiny. When it’s crowded, you get to know the other patrons really well!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          Falls Terrace (a swank restaurant in Olympia) used to make the BEST Monte Cristo sandwich ever.

          The difference was that they deep fried the entire sandwich, not just the bread. *Swoon*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          CapnMac permalink

          Actually, the haute cuisine joints are still around, but you get 3/4 oz of (alleged) yagu steak, three green beans and a sprig of salad greens–and all for $75, not including the drinks, appetizer and requisite dessert.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          This is why I prefer Barbecue joints:

          Sorry our trough of food isn’t as deep as it was last year, the economy has hit kinda hard. Here, have 4 dozen corn muffins as our way of apologizing.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          christina permalink

          My husband took me to one of those haute cusine places for my birthday. I’m not ashamed to admit I had a hard time conducting myself in a dignified manor when the food arrived. I refrained from whipping out the phone and photographing every course, but I did go on at length about the perfect presentation. Then I dripped balsamic glaze on the white linen table cloth.
          Yes, I do watch cooking shows, why do you ask?

          Adores: 2
  6. 2010 December 3
    Mindfield permalink

    There once was a man from south Philly
    Who’d run up and flash his small willy
    He called himself hero
    And said with a leer-o
    “I don’t care about age, just come eat me.”

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 December 3
      Lola permalink

      I think I saw that guy when I lived there.

      Adores: 3
  7. 2010 December 3
    Chthulhu permalink

    I could use a gyro, or perhaps a shawarma … and yes, I’m awake before Windrose for a change.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      Mmm. Gyro. There’s a place near where I live who makes everything fresh — including fresh tzatziki from his own recipe. They’re the best damn gyros on the planet. Expensive, but worth it.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3

        The best Gyros and Burgers that can be had in Milwaukee is from a little shop called “Golden Gyros.” It’s a bad thing for the Taco Family’s collective waist line that it’s about a 3 minute drive away.

        *Starts Drooling*

        That can’t be good.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Mine’s a similar distance away, but it’s right on the way home — I pass it every day, so … yeah.

          Me: Two with extra tzatziki, please.
          Waistline: SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU TO HELL!
          Me: Shh.

          Adores: 7
      • 2010 December 3
        ToBScholarly permalink

        There are no decent sandwich shops near my job.

        However, if I ever find myself in need of an energy drink laced with malt liquor, I certainly have my pick. Apparently staying on your toes in the hood is way more important than a full belly.

        Adores: 6
    • 2010 December 3
      LurtkRealClose permalink

      Given the fact that my father’s nickname is Gyro, I find this whole thing a little squicky.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 December 3

        Golden Gyros serves a gargantuan Gyro that you can’t even get your mouth around!

        What?

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, much depends on how that “G” is pronounced.

        I’ve seen it said that the Athenian “year-OH” is what was ‘anglisized’ into “Hero” to mean a sandwich.

        My experience is that the sandwich is a “sub” if a tapered loaf is used; a hero if a round loaf is used; a hoagie is that sort of roll is used–and, if in Lousinana at all, it’s a muffaletta unless it is a po’boy.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          Limelolly permalink

          Nope… muffaletta (or a muffy) is usually on round bread and the po-boy is supposed to be the sandwich rolls.

          I was edjumacated on the differences when I moved to Louisiana. But, funniest thing to me is the Greek fast food place called “Yeero, Yeero”. Guess they got tired of people misprouncing it.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          CapnMac permalink

          Was a place, about half-way down the Passes to Pilottown that listed on its menu “Pittsburgh Muffalleta” which was a meatball hero on round bread. They had a “Philly Po’Boy” too–a cheesesteak on a po-boy loaf.

          Keep waiting for that day I sse a meatball hoagie as a “torta con albondingas” . . .

          Adores: 2
  8. 2010 December 3

    They met on the Subway. He was her Hero and she, his sweet Pannini. Everything was simply perfect in Quizno, Ish and then one day she came into town.

    She was Hot and she had lots of bacon in her Pockets.

    He couldn’t resist and so off he went with Miss Hot.

    Sweet Pannini knew her grill marks were sagging a little, but after all hadn’t he told her he’d always be her Hero and never care about her age?

    She asked her best friend Lean Cuisine to help her. After many months she was transformed. No longer would Hot Pockets be able to hold onto her man, she had become Pockets’ worst nightmare….

    She was Lean…Lean Pockets and when Hero saw her he fell in love all over again.

    It was too late, though, she’d fallen and fallen hard for the new sheriff in town, Big Mac.

    Adores: 24
  9. 2010 December 3

    Have you ever told me I AM YOU’RE HERO!
    I’m everything you wish you could be!
    You could fly higher than an eagle,
    If I launched you from my trebuchet!

    NOTE: I’d have done more lines, but I really, REALLY hate that song.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 December 3
      ToBScholarly permalink

      Unfortunately, that was the first song that sprang into my head as well.
      Damn you Bette Midler!

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        I used to be able to do the entire song in sign language, the result of an overly ambitious teacher who took the school talent show way too seriously.

        Adores: 6
    • 2010 December 3

      You’d have done more lines? Isn’t that more reserved for rich Hollywood-type idiots?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3

        Well, can’t be much worse than what we do to lines ’round here.

        Adores: 2
  10. 2010 December 3
    Chthulhu permalink

    Methinks Sparky doth channel Oscar Gordon. Dum vivimus, vivamus!

    Adores: 5
  11. 2010 December 3

    Soiled poo underwear!
    I am your Hero, Baby, so why don’t you grill me?

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 December 3
      Windrose permalink

      Are you choking termites again, Taco?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        Mindfield permalink

        Took me a minute, but I just realized he’s riffing on Loser by Beck.

        I would have gone with Soy instead of meat or something. 😀

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 December 3
      ToBScholarly permalink

      I am embarrassed to say that it took me many, MANY weeks of singing that song (the Beck one, not Taco’s) before I realized that the unintelligible line before “I’m a loser babe” was actually Spanish.

      Come to think of it, I don’t think I can even credit myself for that. My sister had to tell me. I AM a loser!

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 December 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        Wait … That’s Spanish?

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3

          More importantly, what’s it Spanish for?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          Soy un perdedor: I’m a loser

          I guess it just sounds swankier in Spanish?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          No way, man – now that I know what it says, I will faithfully always sing “Soiled poo underwear”.
          Not only because it’s funnier than the real line, but because I hate that song. That will make me feel better about having to hear it.

          Adores: 3
  12. 2010 December 3
    ToBScholarly permalink

    Just for clarification: the picture was posted with the ad? Or did llamanun and all her bees post it herself in a self-gratifying maneuver to fuel her love of the sandwich?

    Either way, it worked. I am hungry as heck now.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 December 3

      Yeah, I’m so hungry now My keyboard is starting to look pretty goRafa; n v;nka nlkdsa v va;nlk; hgb b;nlk bvadafsa a ngg oitui sajlk nk

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 December 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        …and that was the last we ever heard from Typo.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 December 3
          kelli permalink

          He should be fine if it was one of these keyboards .

          Adores: 7

        • 2010 December 3
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Totally cool

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        Mindfield permalink

        Well that’s just going to block the hell out of your colon.

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Not to mention what it will do to his semi-colon.

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          I shudder to think what’ll happen to his asterisk.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 December 3
          kelli permalink

          He’ll surely lose all of his functions, not to mention his control, and he’ll be left with no escape.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          The hospital will have to insert a scalpel and slash him open tilde blockage is deleted. If it doesn’t leave him in a comma, they can send him home. He’ll be left with one hell of a tab, though, which could be greater than he can pay, which would leave his bank account minus, and that’ll be the end of his credit and he might have to enter bankruptcy, which is a less than desirable outcome. He’ll just have to find an alternate means of payment. Period.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          So you’re saying he’ll end up homeless and shiftless as well?

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 December 3
          Limelolly permalink

          Why couldn’t they just turn off the caps lock? Then it could just shift around the brackets until it’s free.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Well, don’t quote me, but he could end up in that high risk bracket like a high percentage of people do. It just underscores the problems with the medical system and how some people are not as equal as others when it comes to health care. Some people just can’t catch a break.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 December 3
          Stephanae permalink

          Maybe he should try alt medicine.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          Can we shift to another topic? Talking about this guy makes me think he’s a pain in the asterick.

          I couldn’t think of anything.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          Parenthetically speaking, you people are full of shift today. I think I’m going to pause here and take a break before I insert anything I might regret.

          Shame on you all, I thought you had better ctrl than this! But when left up to your own devices you are all down right juvinile!

          Function Key you all!

          *Scrolls off in a huff*

          Adores: 18
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          I still have an “edit” thing under my comment above, but it timed out.

          Oh never mind.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Stephanae permalink

          Juvinile? How dare you accuse me of being juvinile?

          Wait? What does that mean?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Sheesh. Who pressed his buttons?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          You are a Juv in the Nile. Obviously.

          Whatever a “Juv” is.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Stephanae permalink

          I don’t know who pressed his buttons, but honestly, I thought he was used to it. Maybe he broke his favorite mug and is having to make do with a substitute.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          It’s important that when spell checking you hit “replace with” instead of add.

          I now will forever have Juvinile included as one of the words in my custom dictionary. Go me.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          Stephanae permalink

          That’s kind of cool, really, Taco.

          Tired of speeling prolbems?

          Just uze TypoMagic’s Cuztom Dikshunary. All yur wurds cin be valdidated, no mater how u speel ’em.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          If Typo starts saying “F6 F6 F6! Oh, baby F6 F6 F6!”, somebody better give him a Tshirt.

          *Grabs tie dyed “I love me” jacket from rack on the way to the corner

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          You could sell them to the cheeseburger cats, it would definitely improve things over there.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3

          I would to add to this thread, but I spaced and my snark was locked. Gotta dash.

          Adores: 2
  13. 2010 December 3
    Windrose permalink

    Hooray, it’s Food Day! We’ll all gain a few pounds just by posting here today. 8)

    Every time Chthulhu makes a pan of Blondies, someone asks where Dagwood got to. I see that Dagwood is Blondie’s hero. 8)

    Adores: 5
  14. 2010 December 3

    The Tastiest American Hero


    Look at what’s happened to me,
    I can’t believe it myself.
    Suddenly I’m up on top of a bun,
    It should’ve been the bologna slice.

    Believe it or not,
    I’m sittin’ on bread.
    I never thought I would need some chee eee eeese.
    Lying alongside some dijon and a pickle.
    What could I be?
    Believe it or not I’m roast beef.

    I saw the light in the fridge,
    It came from out of the blue.
    Breaking me out of the shelf I was on,
    Taking all of the side dishes with you oo oo.

    Believe it or not,
    you’re chewin’ on me.
    I never thought I could feel some Pai ay ay n.
    lying beside a hot wing and some Pringles.
    Who could I be?
    Believe it or not I’m roast beef.

    Adores: 15
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      You know, this is rather appropriate. See, a few years back I found myself at a retro gaming store someone I knew had just opened, just browsing what he had. He had some DVDs on offer too, one of which happened to be season one of The Greatest American Hero. Of course I loved the show when I was a kid, so I had to pick it up.

      We ended up watching it over the course of the next few days and I was amazed how incredibly poorly it had aged. To whit: It was so full of cheese my nostalgia got high cholesterol just watching it.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 December 3
        Tankerbell permalink

        Maybe, but I still love that song. Now that Limewire got axed, I have no source for my illegal downloading… uh, I mean… I will have to legally purchase it within the full confines of the Copyright laws.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Windrose permalink

          You forgot to add As usual, Tanker. 8)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Erm, yeah… AS USUAL. Right, of course. I just figured that part was understood.

          Adores: 2
  15. 2010 December 3
    NotMyName permalink

    Four words:
    Reuben the Boy Wonder.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      Sidekick of Baguetteman?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 December 3

        They could fight villains like “Open-Face” and… and… I got nothin’.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Open Face. Special attack: Gravy hose.

          Double Decker. Special attack: Extreme cheek distension.

          Monty Cristo. Special attack: Smother.

          Double Down. Special weapon: Cholesterol spike.

          The Bun. Special weapon: Olive on a stick.

          Earl Sandwich. Special ability: Being extremely pedestrian.

          Hulk Hoagie. Special features: Soft white bun, durable interior, 400HP engine, comfortable moustache handlebars.

          Po’ Boy. Special attack: Cajun pepper spray.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3

          Frankenfurter.Special attack:Whopper

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          Whopper? I barely know ‘er!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          Cocktail Rye: Special attack-cotton mouth.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      Windrose permalink

      Made with real Wonder Bread! *pttui!*

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3

        I loved Wonder Bread when I was a kid, used to peel the crust off a whole loaf and wad the “bread” part into a big ball and gnaw on it nom nom nom! (You could also play baseball with it if you let it harden up for a couple weeks)

        Also used to make gingersnap sammiches* with Wonder Bread, MmmMmmgood!

        *Gingersnaps in place of meat/cheese/PP@J etc.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          PP&J? Eww…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          Someone stole my b!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          I used to smash the bread flat and use a cup to cut out circles. Then I’d line up my brothers and sister and administer Eucharist to them.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          ROFL!!!! cristina, you’re going to hell. (Actually, I think my sibs and I used to play communion, too.)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          christina permalink

          260+ comments says I’ll have company. 😉

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Windrose permalink

          christina, I was 6 years younger than my brother, and 9 years younger than my sister. I had to play Mass by myself. To this day, I have a grudge against Rome and the no women priests rules. Who has the wine tonight?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 4
          Father Tankerbell permalink

          The blood of Christ, Windy. **hands Windy goblet**

          Adores: 3
  16. 2010 December 3
    Lola permalink

    I went out to a birthday party last night, and despite being a little hung over and a lot exhausted (thankfully, already planned not to be at work), the first thing I saw when I saw the sandwich graphic was “Mmmmm. Sammich …” Thank you Llamanun, bees be upon you. I think I’m feeling better (really).

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 December 3
      kelli permalink

      first thing I saw when I saw the sandwich graphic was “Mmmmm. Sammich …”

      So you saw, “Mmmmm. Sammich…”? Question marks are the only puncuation that goes outside of a quote at the end of a sentence.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        Lola permalink

        Uh … see above reference re: hangover. First use of “saw” should be “thought.”

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          I saw I saw a puttytat?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          Lola, your Putty Tat is showing again.

          Adores: 3
  17. 2010 December 3
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Clearly, the Broodwich is back.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3
      mudslicker permalink

      And here I thought it was a French Dip!

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      I thought Broodwich was your Iron Maiden cover band.

      Adores: 7
  18. 2010 December 3
    Meej permalink

    (No apologies to Bonnie Tyler, just to all of you. But the Ostrimu put it in my head and it had to come out.)

    Where have all the hoagies gone
    And where are all the subs?
    Where’s the fresh-baked French baguette
    To fill my hungry guts?
    Isn’t there a roast beef upon a poppy seed?
    Late at night I toss and turn and dream
    of what I need

    [Chorus]
    I need a hero
    I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
    It’s gotta have cheese
    And it’s gotta have meat
    And it’s gotta be fresh for my bite
    I need a hero
    I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
    It’s gotta be thick
    And it’s gotta be soon
    And it’s gotta be larger than life

    Somewhere after midnight
    In my wildest fantasy
    Somewhere just beyond my reach
    There’s a giant sandwich there for me
    Roasting on the Foreman Grill, steaming with the heat
    It’s gonna take a panini to sweep me off my feet

    [Chorus]
    I need a hero
    I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
    It’s gotta have cheese
    And it’s gotta have meat
    And it’s gotta be fresh for my bite
    I need a hero
    I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
    It’s gotta be thick
    And it’s gotta be soon
    And it’s gotta be larger than life

    Adores: 12
  19. 2010 December 3
    christina permalink

    Adding to the musical sandwich theme:
    I always thought the chorus of that Nickelback* Hero song was, “And if I want a hero sandwich, I’m not gonna go to Subway.”
    *May not contain actual music.

    Adores: 6
  20. 2010 December 3

    Anyone else plagued by the dreaded 400 errors today? It’s so bad I can only access the site on my iPhone. Please tell me I’m not the only one. Please.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3
      LurtkRealClose permalink

      I’m surprisingly ok at work, on IE, today. I continue to have issues at home on Firefox. However, I can give out doors. 🙂

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        Lola permalink

        No issues with Mac FF here.

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3

      Grrr. My hosting provider is not seeing that people are getting errors! I’ll check with them again, but they’re starting to think that I’m insane.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        Tankerbell permalink

        We’ll vouch for you, O beloved Llamanun (Bees Be Upon You). For what character references from this crowd might be worth.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          Windrose permalink

          Yeah, give us their home numbers, we’ll convince them we’re all insane, not just you. 8) (BBUY)

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        christina permalink

        I got hit with a 400 error after my first comment this morning. I didn’t even think that was possible with Opera. The usual ritual cleared it up.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      No error messages, but occasional crashing under FF/Windows here. (Only on my work computer though, which is a piece of crap that still runs XP anyway.)

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3
      mudslicker permalink

      My Chrome is giving me sass with the 400 bad request errors (started Wednesday)! I’m back to using Exploder.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 December 3
      CapnMac permalink

      Nope [crossed fingers against the jinx]

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3
        CapnMac permalink

        Ok, triple-wierd.

        Got an “Internal error, try again later” on trying to give an Adore (this is usually predictive of a soon-to-occur 400 Bad Request error).

        Went to edit the “nope” comment above, and got the 400 error displayed in the Ajax editor.
        But, it let me “out” and returned me to the page.

        Where I put a comment in similar to this one.
        And got the 400 Bad Request error on pressing Submit Comment.

        Closed IE, and re-started it again. Home YSaC page was errored right up, no graphics displayed; Erro on Page on the browser status line–but, it let me click through to this page. Which appears to have loaded normally.
        Odd

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          Yeah, what Capn said! All day! Re-started the ‘puter three-four times and now seems relatively stable on IE with FF totally hinky with 400 errors.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m getting the occasional “internal error” box popping up when I try to hand out doors. (I’m on IE7)

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        Grampdaddy permalink

        FWIW – Up to this point, have never had any 400 errors. Running Win7, FF and/or Chrome on my laptop. Also, none on my desktop running Ubuntu with FF and/or Chrome.

        I have probably now jinxed myself and both boxes will blow up….

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          No errors as of yet on any browser with my netbook. I’m being very cautious on this machine and only going to trusted sites. I want to see if the the stuff I read about adware proves to be true. Sadly, if it does, I’ll need to admit to my husband that I don’t have the technical savvy to comprehend what I read and he’ll need to take a look at my laptop. Granted, he maintains network security for a living and I sell shampoo, but it’s the principal.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 4

          *whispering*

          No errors on the Eyebrows computer either. Don’t know what I’m running or who feeds the squirrels that run it, but it seems to work just fine. So, not touching anything.

          *crosses fingers against jinx*

          Adores: 4
  21. 2010 December 3

    Hi! Dealing with personnel issues suck. Anyway, OT, The latest insult to anybodys’ intelligence:
    “Students not allowed passed this point.” Quotes included. I circled the faux pas, and two days later was rewarded with:
    “Students not allowed passet this point.”
    Circled that one, and am awaiting the outcome.
    Just because I have a Sharpie Magnum in my pocket, doesn’t mean I’m not glad to see you.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 December 3
      NotMyName permalink

      Is it:
      “Students not allowed pastuh this point”?
      🙂

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        kelli permalink

        No, it should be, “sTudent’s knot aloud paused these poIn,” right?

        That hurt to type.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          mudslicker permalink

          It was more painful trying to read it.

          🙂

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3

          Studentes’ gnot a-lowd passted dis pint! This meens ewe!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          Stephanae permalink

          It seems like students rarely want to pass the pint, anyway.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          “No students permitted to go past this line.”

          “What line?”

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Students not allowed to point at pasta.

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Nope – should be:

        “Stupints are two loud pasture pint. Don’t not squeeze my gyro.”

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          *Now wants to squeeze Grampdaddy’s gyro.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          Feel free. He used a double negative.

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3

      I walk past a bar on my way into my university that insists that certain nights are “Ladie’s night” on the white board outside their door. I correct it Every. Single. Time I walk by.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 December 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        Ladie must be pretty popular, s/he has their own night at a bar near here, too.

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 December 3
        mudslicker permalink

        Cuz we all know it should be speeled: Laydee’s Night

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          Stephanae permalink

          Well, as long as the feeling’s right . . .

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3

        *Look’ s at Llama-Nuns post.*

        So uh… whats wrong with “Ladie’s Night”?

        *Scratche’s his head*

        Oh I see, there’s no period and its an incomplete sentence!

        “Its Ladie’s Night.”

        There, fixed!

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 December 3

          Oh, what a night…

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 December 3
      christina permalink

      Sorry about the suck, Smedley. Get though it, we’re used to seeing Velcro around here.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3

        Thanks for the sympathy. My immediate supervisor sexually harassed his way out of his job. This, coming on the heels of him actually punching one of my guys in the face when he first got here, meant he had to go to another contract. The best part? The company doesn’t like the gene pool down here, so they opened it up company-wide. So I get to explain my management style to another knuckledragging advertisement for safe sex with hookers. And be told that “A white faced monkey could do your job.”*

        *Oh, yeah. At one of our “get to know the new manager meetings”

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 4
          Tankerbell permalink

          Pssssst… Smedley – FWIW, a white faced monkey IS doing my job. I just show up and get paid, and of course clean up after the monkey. It’s a sweet gig. You should try it.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 4
          christina permalink

          Bubbles is on line one for you, Tankerbell.

          Adores: 3
  22. 2010 December 3

    OK, Personally I have had heros, grinders, subs, dagwoods, gut bombs, sliders, wraps, and paninis. Did I miss any?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3

      But which of those have you eaten?

      I’ll be in the corner.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3
      Limelolly permalink

      In the south, it’s a Po-boy.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3

        And a Po-Boy is often stuffed with gator tails, mud bugs, or shrimp.

        Nom..nom..nom…

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Ummmm….Shrimp po-boy

          :drools:

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          CapnMac permalink

          Bestest po’Boy in my life was in some joint over near Iowa, LA.
          They used slightly soured french-style bread toasted with butter and olive oil.
          Then, they ladled in ettoufette. What kind? The kind in the pot using all the leftovers, near as I can tell, was shrimp and mudbug and bits of fish in mine. Was just “smothered” enough in the sauce, too.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Ooh, do miss my mud bug po-boys.

          *must go get towels to wipe drool off keyboard*

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3

        And now that you mention it, I had an oyster po-boy when I first got to this bastion of
        education.

        Typo, it’s like warm apple pie. Unless it’s a cold cut sandwich.
        See Alice Cooper’s “Cold Ethel”.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          I love oyster po-boys. There’s a restaurant called “The Basics” at the Cotton Exchange in Wilmington, NC, and they make a killer Oyster Po-Boy.

          Unfortunately, I’ve since found out (at an unrelated time) that my dad left his shellfish allergy in the pocket when he passed down his genes to me, so I can’t eat them next time we go to Wilmington to visit my Great Aunt.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          I can probably hook you up with an Epi-Pen, dude.

          Adores: 1
  23. 2010 December 3
    kelli permalink

    But I don’t want you to be my hero, I want you to be my soup.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 December 3

      I don’t want to be a pie.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        kelli permalink

        Quiet down and pull the crust over you.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          I always thought he was salty, but crusty works, too.

          EDIT: In light of certain topical elements here, this may not be the best choice of words.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          Yes

          Adores: 2
  24. 2010 December 3
    kelli permalink

    Also, the first thing I thought of when I read the post was Captain Underpants. I have no idea why.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      POWDERED
      TOAST
      MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3

        1. Put Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the spice grinder.
        2. ????
        3. Profit!

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          Here you go:

          2. Sell it to local druggies and tell them they’ll have hallucinations upon snorting it.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      Some sort of superhero/edible underpants fetish?

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 December 3
        kelli permalink

        I am not picturing Ryan Reynolds clad in fruit rollups now. Nope, not at all.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3
          LurtkRealClose permalink

          Oooo! Now I’m not, either. Thank you!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3

          LRC, NMN has been looking for you. I’d check your bushes.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          Nuh uh, I was looking for Laurelhach.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          :points to LRC’s name:

          I don’t think this is the robotic poncho-wearing moose we’ve been looking for.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          So I’m not the only one who noticed that? I was trying to be polite.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          Oh right. Sorry, my brain is working on only 4 cups of coffee today. I’m understandably disoriented.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          You do realize that, technically, caffeine is a drug, and like other drugs, you require more and more of it to get you going, and that if you stop having it you will experience withdrawal symptoms, right?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          I do, actually.

          Junk food, exercise, and Wold of Warcraft are like that too.

          I go through a yearly cleansing ritual where I spend 2-3 weeks in January without caffiene to get my tolerance back down. That first week is always fun when the withdrawl headaches make the colors dance about on my computer monitor.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          :marks Snark Lounge calender for Taco’s Caffeine-Free Time:

          This should be interesting.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          Interestingly, this time every year coincides with TacoMa’am’s annual sabbatical to the kibbutz. Purely coincidental, of course.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          SJ: You may want to mark it down as the first two weeks of February next year. We’ll be visiting my parents in January, and my Dad drinks even more coffee than I do, so I feel ‘obliged*’ to join in.

          *TacoPa: “You wanna stop at Duch Brothers for a girly** drink?”

          Me: Naw that’s ok, I probably shouldn’t.

          TacoPa: I’m buying.

          Me: I’ll have a double-shot grande Milkyway with whip.

          **PC we aint in the extended Taco family.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Ah, those magical words; “I’m buying.”

          Dad – Hey, you want to get some breakfast? There’s having a special on biscuits and gravy, you get a free side of grits with red-eye gravy.*

          Me – That’s okay,I can just eat here.

          Dad – I’m buying.

          Me – Let me get my coat.

          *You would love red-eye gravy, TM. It’s made with coffee.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          Making gravy with coffee?! This could be even better than the coffee cake recipe we were trying to cultivate!

          Speaking of which, I need to get back into trying to successfully create slicable coffee.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          If you are successful and get rich and famous off of this (after all, it sounds like a pretty good idea to me) you have to remember to edit your future Wikipedia page to include that you got the idea here.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Mom’s red-eye gravy recipe –

          Cook bacon or country ham

          Remove meat from pan

          Deglaze pan with small amount of black coffee

          Serve hot over grits, ham, or biscuits. Or, if you’re my dad, all three.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3
          CapnMac permalink

          Serve hot over grits, ham, or biscuits. Or, if you’re my dad, all three.

          If you can’t serve home-made gravy over everything on the plate, you need to either change the menu or get more plates out.

          Ok, so I also have old, fond memories of a hole-in-the-wall greasy spoon near Gulfport that served a plate with biscuit halves on the bottom, then ham slices, then grits, then a fried egg over that, with red-eye gravy to tie it all together.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 December 3
      kelli permalink

      And for those without children or an interest in children’s books, this explains the first book in the series.

      Adores: 2
  25. 2010 December 3
    kelli permalink

    OT – I’m sitting in the campus library and, so far, I have seen 3 campus tours being led. I keep making faces and aping lesser primates as they stroll by my section of the information commons. I just want the prospective students and their parents to get an accurate impression of the student body.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 December 3
      mudslicker permalink

      May I suggest you grab a book and act like you’re reading it upside down?

      I think most students here on my campus do their best reading that way.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3
        Mindfield permalink

        And whilst reading it upside down, within earshot, say excitedly, “Oh, cool, so they they, like, turned the movie into a book!”

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          For bonus points, make it a Curious George book.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 3

          Or Dr. Seuss….and speak in rhyme, using “like” as many times as possible.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        NotMyName permalink

        Actually, according to psychology, if you read text upside-down for long enough, you will become proficient at it.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          ˙uoıʇsǝnb ןɐǝɹ ǝɥʇ sı ʇnɥs sǝʎǝ ɹnoʎ ɥʇıʍ pɐǝɹ noʎ uɐɔ ʇnq ‘sǝʎ

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          I worked as an offset printer for a few years, so I got used to reading upside down and backwards, as it’s a skill you kind of need to pick up to be any good at your job.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 December 3
      Tankerbell permalink

      Pull at the hem of one of their shirts and say, “Excuse me, can you tell me what this word is?” And point to “the”.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 December 3
      Windrose permalink

      Uhm, kelli, you aren’t flinging anything at them, are you? Cause while it might typify the student body, it’s really not a polite way to greet the parental units.

      Adores: 3
  26. 2010 December 3
    Bavec permalink

    Ladies, don’t waste your time. If I had a dollar for every time my heart’s been broken by a smooth-talking sammich…

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 December 3
      Limelolly permalink

      You could buy lunch?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        Bavec permalink

        Not in this economy… Hey, you’re looking rather sheepish today Limelolly.

        Adores: 1
  27. 2010 December 3

    In the interest in both destroying some of the minds here, and in making my spelling and grammar appear competent, I give you:

    Bluesfan473 Destroyer of minds.

    I’ll be under my desk weeping to myself. If your nose starts to bleed, I recommend closing the page before irreversible brain damage starts to occur.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      mudslicker permalink

      Awwww……. Heatch Hawgs!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      Mindfield permalink

      He spelled “hare” wrong.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3
        NotMyName permalink

        Among other things.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      NotMyName permalink

      *Head-splosion*

      Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Do they all type like that?!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3

        Yes, NMN, they do…it’s enough to induce a migraine and that’s why I never read the comments on that site, just look at the purty pictures.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        Yeppers. If there was a You Suck At Commenting website, every single cheeseburger cat comment would have to be added. Then the cheeseburger cat commenters would comment on their own comments, and the internet would explode and kill us all. Which by then would be a mercy.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Well, in their defense, they talk like that on purpose on the animal-related Cheezburger sites. Kinda like engrish.com, where all the comments are intentionally Engrishy. Not that it still doesn’t induce volcanic headaches.

          For the worst site comments I generally point at almost any video sharing site. YouTube in particular. These aren’t intentionally bad. Most of the posters are just flat out stupid to an alarming degree. I mean, if you took all the stupid comments from just the popular video sharing sites alone and put them in one place, they would collapse into a singularity of dumb that would threaten to consume the collective intelligence of the rest of humanity. If you were to link all of the popular video sharing sites together into one big ring, it would be the Internet equivalent of the large hadron collider, except it would only accelerate particles of stupid and the only thing it would uncover is that stupid has no speed limit and doesn’t know how to interact with normal matter.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 December 3

          To a point I agree that there is a certain amount of leeway you can extend to somebody who is typing all stupid on purpose because that’s the joke. But lets say you tell the same joke every hour for 7 years… how is that not just as stupid as if you were the fool who the joke mocks?

          Beyond a certain point, it goes from being cute and funny right back to being stupid. Cheezeburger cats commentary has accomplished this feat. It was cute and funny for maybe three days, now they’re just being stupid again; they have become the thing they set out to mock.

          As such, I find their commentary every bit as horrible as youtube, if only because they don’t seem to realize that they have beat the horse into the ground years ago and have become so fluent in their awful noodling so as to have become equal to that of the babbling from the truly incoherent.

          In the end, once you’ve reached a point of horrid incoherence, it stops mattering why you’re typing that way. Stupid or intentionally pretending to be stupid isn’t really as big a difference as it might seem. Especially when you consider that if you practice being something long enough, you become it.

          I may not be the perfect role model for spelling and grammar, but I maintain that I do make the effort, even should I be unskilled in the particular area and prone to often hilarious failure.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 December 3

          I think I dropped some [matt] tags around here somewhere…

          Maybe I’ll go on my coffee fast early this year and beat the holiday season.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          NotMyName permalink

          when you consider that if you practice being something long enough, you become it

          So, if I try to be a ninja or piece of toast for long enough, I will become one of them?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          Yes.

          That’s why I limit my exposure to Bacontini.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Mindfield permalink

          Oh, I fully agree that the whole lolcatspeak thing jumped the shark about three days after ICHC went live and thus has been annoying beyond measure for years, I still maintain that the posters who engage in it as regulars, while probably needing to rediscover sunlight, aren’t necessarily dumb when they speak like normal humans. Video sites though, in general, not so much. That level of dumb is genetic.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          So, if I just act like it hard enough, I really can become a real boy? win Ben Stein’s money? amaze and bewilder my friends? become a teen pop sensation? become Batman?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3
          Tankerbell permalink

          I don’t know whether to nominate Singularity of Dumb or Particles of Stupid for band name of the day.

          But I would much enjoy watching NMN practice being toast, and Astro as a teen pop sensation.

          **Girls screaming, screaming, screaming** “Oh, God, he’s just so CUTE with that big ol’ horn! I love how his cheeks puff out…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 December 3

          Oh, and another thing. The YouTube comments on videos of Classical Music tend to be fairly intelligent. At least, compared to other comments.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3

          I was interested in the Cheezburger phenomenon at the start from a linguistic point of view. It was the creation of a new language, with a grammar that was developing in real time! It was possible to watch as “speakers” of the language decided what was, and what was not, grammatical in the language — by doing, rather than by committee or by decree.

          And then the rest of the internet caught on, and it imploded.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 4
          Mindfield permalink

          Oh, and another thing. The YouTube comments on videos of Classical Music tend to be fairly intelligent. At least, compared to other comments.

          That’s because intersection of people who like/participate in schadenfreude/attention whoring/conspiracy theory/political rabies and classical music rarely occurs. And if I ever read comments like “lol bach is so gay u should listen 2 vivaldi BEST COMPOSER EVAR!!!11” I’ll shoot myself where I sit.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        CapnMac permalink

        Even worse, I’ve met some LoLspeakers (if from before/unaware of LoLspeak). It is hugely complicated to be renovating someone’s house and having to constantly be aware that you will be spoken to just as all the other companion-creatures in the house.

        Which is only redoubled when a specimen animal is presented as a would-be ventriloquist’s dummy to render such as: “Ow, dah hurted mai ears; when you stoppit soon?”

        Sadly, those people’s checks tended to clear more often than other customers’ . . .

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 December 3

      Fun Fact:

      In English we had to do a project on a world issue. As it was as close as our teacher would let us get to “Stupid People”, my partner and I picked “The Effects of Texting and Social Networking”. We used the comments section of the Cheezburger sites to illustrate what the internet has done to the English language in our PowerPoint.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 December 3
        NotMyName permalink

        Easy A, huh?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 3

          We haven’t gotten our grades yet, but our teacher seemed impressed and the class certainly liked the presentation, especially our Animoto.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      christina permalink

      What scares me most is that one of them refered to her children. They breed!
      I sheepishly admit to using the word “corms”, but in my defense, only around the house and only to distinguish the yellow grain product from Quorn, the fungus based veggie meat product.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 3
        Lola permalink

        What’s Quorn like, christina? I’ve heard of it and am both intrigued and vaguely repulsed by the concept.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 3
          Meej permalink

          Remarkably meatlike and non-fungusy, actually.
          It’s not quite seasoned how I’d like, but it’s a good (if pricy) chicken substitute if you really want that texture in a particular veg recipe.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 December 4
          Tankerbell permalink

          am both intrigued and vaguely repulsed by the concept.

          Lola, that’s how I feel about Sarah Palin.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 December 4
          christina permalink

          It’s pretty much how meej described it. The main ingredient is wheat gluten so it holds up to boiling when added to sauces. The meatballs, if cooked in sauce, are indistinguishable from Subway’s. I use their turkey for Thanksgiving and this year I marinated it in white wine, fresh garlic, shallots, onions, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme (yes, in that order). It was surprisingly tender. I couldn’t tell the difference, but then again, I haven’t had turkey in five years.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 December 4
          Lola permalink

          Yes, Tank, but for me the difference between the two is that I’d eat Quorn in a second, if made to choose.

          What?

          This is interesting to know. I am not planning on giving up meat any time soon but do want healthier alternatives that (important bit coming up here) don’t make me miss eating meat.

          Adores: 2
  28. 2010 December 3

    I don’t know what it is about you people that make me have to look up crochet patterns, but I keep doing it.

    Linky.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3
      NotMyName permalink

      Didn’t I mention Link just the other day?

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3

        Might have been on a day that I either wasn’t here or I saw something shiny and missed the… uh… link.

        Adores: 2
  29. 2010 December 3
    CapnMac permalink

    O dread Harry, sammich shop Hero, fifth:

    I was not hungry ere I came to YSaC today
    Until this instant. Take a trumpet, herald;
    Ride thou unto the horsemen on yon hill:
    If they will feed us, bid them come down,
    Or void the field; they do offend our slight:
    If they’ll do neither, we will come to them,
    And microwave that lass hot pocket pannini
    saved for being under-good, and ration emergent:
    Else, we’ll cut our own hunger-ed throats,
    And not a bite of them that we shall take
    Shall taste our mercy. Go and tell them so.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 December 3
      Limelolly permalink

      Forsooth!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, and I did–was so hungry, that I took the last/only paninni out of the freezer and microwaved it.

        Was one of the under-whelming chicken alfredo versions, not particularly good, but, made the hungry go away for a while.

        hate being poor

        make a person swell in Bardic Rage,
        Opine and orate expound-ed again’
        The cruel reality o’ our Age;
        In ferverent, febrile, inspired vitriol,
        Paint pain, suffering, outrage extoll’
        Such Might, such Energy spew’ed toil;
        To be spent, all too soon, waste-ed,
        Stamina gone, lost, reserves unregain’
        The clarity of lack, of need, underfed;
        To sputter into nothingness,
        No more to further,
        Not already said,
        Ans Spake nae further.

        Adores: 0
  30. 2010 December 3
    NotMyName permalink

    Note to self: When you have to chew your peanut butter, it’s time to throw out that jar.
    Also: yuck!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 December 3
      Limelolly permalink

      That’s when it’s perfect to use in peanut butter cookies.

      Crunchy!

      Or maybe that’s something else…

      Adores: 1
  31. 2010 December 3
    CapnMac permalink

    Unc’ Wiki says that “DONT” is a bridge bidding stretegem, to wit:

    DONT is a conventional overcall against an opposing 1NT opening bid. DONT, an acronym for Disturb Opponents’ NoTrump, was designed by Marty A. Bergen, and is therefore also referred to as ‘Bergen over Notrump’. Although the method is often criticized for being too nebulous, it remains fairly popular. The DONT convention was first published in a copy of Bridge Today in Marty Bergen’s column in the Sept./Oct. 1989. It was seven pages long and includes more information than is found below.

    Will guess that is spoken as “daunt” rather than “doughnt”.

    Adores: 0
  32. 2010 December 3

    OK, this may be stalkity, but it was my subconscious so it doesn’t count :-p

    Last night, I dreamed that I found out that Taco and his family moved a block away from my house. And that Tron was going to be watched by the same person that watches Mini during the day. The most specific part of the dream that I remember is that TacoMa’am and I became best friends and we were walking around the neighborhood pushing our strollers and chatting about geeky stuff.

    ….I think I need more of a social life :-p

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 December 3

      **looks outside at bushes**

      So does Mr. Winkey. He’s just been sitting there for days, staring dramatically into the distance in the midst of a wink.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 December 3

      Umm… I may have this completely wrong, but I don’t think TacoMa’am is probably geeky in the least. As I said, could be far from the mark.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 December 3

        No, I’m pretty sure she is… I vaguely remember a conversation in which Taco was talking about TacoMa’am’s interests, and I got a wanna-be-her-friend-girl-crush on her :-p

        Adores: 2
  33. 2010 December 3
    Lola permalink

    Eeek!
    “Bees be upon you” just acquired a whole new level of meaning for me.
    http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2010/12/03/130563531/jumping-fences-with-bees-a-new-extreme-sport?sc=fb&cc=fp

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 3

      “in panting joyful amazement.”

      Uhmmm… Wow. Hammy, take it away!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 December 4
      Tankerbell permalink

      Wow. There’s completely effing frootloops, and then there’s this guy.

      P.S. Windy and cristina: I think Annie Dillard would love this dude.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 December 4
        Windrose permalink

        She would, and she would write at least 7 pages about him. 8)

        Adores: 2
  34. 2010 December 4
    Windrose permalink

    Sarajean, I hope you realized you were in the box ALL DAY! Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Cocoa-tree Club!

    Adores: 2

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