YSaC, Vol. 948: Monday’s table is full of zen.
Why, hello there! It’s drmk here, fresh from my month-long hiatus from YSaC.* I know you all felt as though I had abandoned you; rest assured, my pointy friends, that I did no such thing. In fact, I was participating in a retreat to cleanse my mind and spirit to allow me to return to YSaC refreshed and ready to snark.
In the spirit of rejuvenation, it’s time for your Monday zen table moment:
Top table for sale
The old table is sale.
Now, this lacks the rhythmic interest of the minimalist magnum opus that was this zen table listing, or the visual stimulation of the original, but all in all I must say that this is a pretty good specimen of zen table. It’s light and crisp, with a smattering of ungrammaticality that lends it character and distinctiveness.
Thanks, Litarider! I’m pretty sure we’ve gotten to the point where we need to give you your own tag, since you were also responsible for a variety of other YSaC sins including this creepy one and REPO – The Genetic Opera.
*By hiatus, I may mean enforced restraining order.
Nice to know Sale will be receiving a “top” table – the Greater Manchester area has been struggling lately, and needs all the good furniture it can get. However, I disagree with Sparky’s assertion that Sale is an old table (or vice versa) – the people of this metropolitan borough are a decidedly chairy lot.
“The old red table sale ain’t what it used to be …”
…it’s made out of whiffletree, it’s made out of whiffletree…
Be the table top
Sale the table old.
Be the old sale top.
Table tale is told.
ohhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
*wonders how making annoying sounds is supposed to relax a person
[corey] Get together with a group of people and yell ohm at the top of your lungs while exhaling totally and you will understand. I used to be puzzled too but I started yoga and now I get it [/corey]
Lara, I turned your longs into lungs. Hope that’s okay.
PUDDING NOT ON FIRE!
*Instantly enters meditative trance*
It is interesting how top turned to old and for turned to is. Hmmm, I need to ponder this for awhile and I may come up with something profound.
It’s a statement on the malleability and evolution of language and the eternal debates between descriptivism versus prescriptivism, spell check versus grammar check, old versus new, and top versus bottom.
….or, it’s an old table for sale…
Hedwig is like that wall
Standing before you in a divide between
East and West
Slavery and Freedom
Man and Woman
Top and Bottom
(ahem, sorry… spontaneous song)
“Top table, old table.
Top table, old table.”
I hear “Fiddler on the Roof” in there.
If I were a rich Snark
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
All Sale long I’d biddy biddy bum
If I were a wealthy Snark!
I wouldn’t have to look hard
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
If I were a biddy biddy rich
idle deedle daidle daidle Snark.
I’d build a big, fun site
With lounges by the dozen
Right in the middle of the room
A fine, cheese roof
with real ceramic heads below…
There would be one long escalator just going up
And one much longer going down. (Evil Duck!)
And one more leading nowhere just for fun!
I’d fill our yard with ducks, and ducks, and geese
And ducks for the town to see and hear
Squawking in praise to our holy llama nun.
If I were a rich Snark
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
All Sale long I’d biddy biddy bum
If I were a wealthy Snark!
(The abridged version, for sure 🙂 )
I already love that song (original version), but this – customized genius. SisterLyleTacoNunja, why didn’t you join us sooner?
She had to wait for me to visit her and say “Hey, can I use your computer to check on something?”
Yes, so blame Taco for not sending me sooner 😉
And that something was the day you got your ‘Ho all the things’ in the box… and the ‘all the things’ jokes have become embedded within mine and my co-workers vernacular. 😀
Really, I do have to share credit with Hyperbole and a Half… seeing as I totally stole it from her.
Is that the Fat Boys ala “Disorderlies”?
Sounds like P. Diddler on the Roof aka Solomon ‘Puffy” Steincomb.
I don’t know about diddlers, but Mini is currently potty training, so sometimes he piddles. But, on the floor (or the side of my friend’s couch), not the roof.
I truly hope that “Mini” is some sort of canid and not a small child.
SisterLyle, you’d be exactly wrong. 8)
Top table for sale
It has transcended
Above the material
To become one
With the universe
And stream into
This plane of existence
In the form of
Beat poetry
Top table for sale
She isn’t so new
But she has transcended
No longer the object
No longer the sold
She has become
Sale itself
So the next time
You are somewhere
Indulging in materialism
Ask the nearest sales associate
“Excuse me, is this on table?”
[bongo run]
It’s not that hard. You guys are just reading left to right and top to bottom. If you decipher the code, it clearly says: Table Sale-the old table is for sale. Duh. Apparently I’m the only one who got the table decoder ring.
I get:
Huh. All mine said was, “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. It’s on top of the old sale table.”
If I could give you infinity stars for that I would.
Top the table old for table is sale sale. Reading top to bottom makes more sense.
THERE ARE GET INFINITY STARS?
Edit: 😛 It’s a monday.
“The top table (table)
is for sale (sale)!”
It’s a call-and-response chant.
I wanna try this anagram thing.
“Top table for sale”
Top Elf Astrolabe – Papa Keebler takes up astronomy as a hobby
Breastplate Fool – A nickname for armor enthusiasts
Pratfall Bootees – Slippery shoes for vaudeville performers
Barefoot Pallets – Much quieter than the Tapshoe Pallets
Eatables For Plot – The formula for writing a cookbook
Balsa Fleet Troop – Sailors from the world’s most fragile navy
Fatal Beret Loops – Stylish headgear for assassins
Fatal Robot Sleep – The cybernetic version of the Blue Screen of Death
[corey]
Technically an Astrolabe is more a navigation tool than an astronomy tool.
[/corey]
Taco needs coffee.
I need coffee too. And there’s none to be had 🙁 But, I do have a piano in front of me that I can play as loud as I want, so there’s that. And I heard there’s a sweet table that is sale. So there’s that.
Careful. That comment is the start of a slippery slope.
There are times to throw caution to the wind. This is such a time.
I will put all risk aside. I shall be the corey. Well… the other corey anyway.
The one without a big c.
Using logs lashed to one’s tractor to get same out of Swedish mud is both unsafe and slippery (but makes a good intertube video . . . )
Uncle Google fails me once again.
:shakes fist at computer:
Damn you, impersonal internet search engine!
Maestro Fresh Wes says, “Let your Astro Glide”
**glides in on Silver Surfboard**
8)
SJ:
“Swedish Tractor Driving”
The comments are as inane as most comments are of late.
404 Error: Tractor not found.
There appears to be an ‘ at the end of the link that probably shouldn’t be there. Cap’n, you might want to send Windrose some bird seed.
I’m late to the anagram party, but I liked
Foetal Portables – but you don’t NEED the diaper bag before birth
Eatable Fort Slop – stew and beans, most likely
Salable Pert Foot – when the jar of toenails just isn’t enough any more
Arable Poets Loft – the poet cleaned so little, you can now grow crops
Abaft Teller Oops – I have no idea but I love the words
Poor Basalt Fleet – not so fragile but they didn’t float well
Abaft Teller Oops- Penn dropped his buddy off the stern.
Top table for sale.
Bottom table not in stock.
Old table is sale.
Table,
You don’t have to put on that top tonight!
Put an ad on Craigslist,
Your old top can sale just right!
Table,
you don’t have to put on that red paint!
Be free for money,
Paint stripper fumes make me feel faint!
Table,
you don’t have to be sale tonight!
Guess you’d use rocks to sand that one. Get it? Rocks sand? I just crack me up Monday mornings!
I’d use rocks to sand, but it wears the dress out too quickly.
Rocks sand wearing the dress out… get it?
I’ll be in the corner.
Police reference ftw.
*blows into pitch pipe*
Litarider, post again, ‘Rid’r
Old sale table from this guy
Litarider, post again, ‘Rid’r
He’s a thousand brain cells shy
Ding dong ding
I bet he hears that all the time
Ding dong ding
Is he in [location],
on mental vacation?
Litarider, post again, ‘Rid’r
Genetic Opera casting calls
Litarider, everyone knows
That you’re bringing us the LOLS
So here’s my little song – kind of forced the rhyme
Litarider, post one more time
Litarider, Litarider, Litarider
*okay, it’s probably pronouced “lee-ta” vs “lie-ta”, and a snarker submits ads rather than posts them but it’s early o’clock on a Monday morning, so inaccuracies be damned. (Music Man clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCpCxD6Em8k)
Awwww, how did you know I love the Music Man?
This is a lot more honor than I’m used to on Monday morning!
Just a lucky guess. Glad you enjoyed 🙂
The old table is sale.
A winner is you!
This story is happy end.
All your base are belong to us.
I am a rock star from Mars.
With tiger blood!!
And butane in my veins!
No, wait; that’s another incoherent person I’m thinking of.
David Bowie? 8)
Dance, Magic Dance!
Charlie Sheen?
I hear you Lola. If he went through one hundred thousand miles and stepped through the door and all that, then he’s the closest to a rockstar from Mars.
I’m the laziest man on Mars.
You have no chance to survive, make your time.
Set us up the bomb!
I am so happy that this table IS sale–I have searched fruitlessly for so long to find a table that wasn’t FOR sale, but was itself the embodiment of pure, fresh sale. I think I may have fulfilled my purpose in life.
At least until the sequel, anyway.
We have a ratwoman in the box today, and I just clicked on her blog for the first time. Very interesting! Wonder how rats get along with parrots?
Well enough if this picture is anything to go by.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VFkbAjJ9_LI/TTBLjjCikHI/AAAAAAAAEAM/KgUzQL68FLo/s1600/SeaLord.png
I wonder if that Parrat hatched from an egg.
Also: It appears massive links run in the family.
I’m still only have partial success with putting a link into text. I don’t know where my coding goes wrong, but half the time it comes out as a giant wall o’ link.
<a href=”http://www.linkyloo.com”>This is the text of the link.</a>
Replace URL and text of link with URL and text of choice; season to taste.
I must have missed a quotation mark in there somewhere cause I did the <a href= mabobber then gave up 🙂 Thanks!
Granted, links (like this one) can still be as long as you want, and, in fact, are often capable of being rather longer, when you put them all codificated and what not, but what’s really fun is when you attempt to both make a correctly coded link that is massive as well as aesthetically satisfying and also write a run-on sentence, which this sentence likely qualifies for, although I’m not completely sure, as it may just be very long, like the “paragraphs” in the Star Wars movie opening crawls, which, if I remember correctly, are each actually only one sentence.
Why did I click on that…. >.<
Of course, the flip side to that is creating a link that is not only succinct, but may actually be hard to spot and isn’t a RickRoll.
I see what you did there, eerily smiling puppy.
Oh, so like what I’ve done here, right?
It’s been so long since I’ve watched the video that I’d forgotten that the incongruity between his look and his voice *isn’t* the weirdest/funniest part.
I’m a fan of the white-boy dancing.
I also actually like that song. I’m playing it on loop now.
Ooh, how exciting! It’s only my second appearance in the box – and just the thing to cheer me up. Monday… bah.
As for how rats and parrots get on – my boys would run away and hide, as they’re frightened of everything. My girls would probably try to play (they have feather wand cat toys they like to chase, and pull the feathers out, so it would probably end badly).
Sounds reasonable. I know people with birds who regularly groom the family cat, and the cat loves it. This person reports that at night, when it’s time for the bird to go back in the cage, the cat will run loops around the dining room and living room, with the cockatiel flying after it, and then they both settle down for t he night. 8)
Clearly this is an important signal to the resistance.
Know any good white basketball players?
This comment is sale.
If you lived in this comment, you’d be home by now.
Buy. This. Comment.
This comment is old.
This comment is self-referential.
This comment is.
This is a comment.
Comment.
Comment, this is.
Is this?
Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.
Not.A.Comment.
Appropinquabamus.
This comment has a first name.
It’s O – S – C – A – R….
This comment has a second name..
But it got made fun on in elementary school for it and now tells everyone it’s really Thomas.
It’s S-N-A-R-K
Collect the whole set!
Gotta catch ’em all.
es Sparta vis!
Don’t get caught!
Duct tape!
Teehee.
😉
Blarg.
, , , , ,
chameleongecko“You gotta play to win!”
If quitters never win and winners never quit, who said “Quit while you’re ahead”?
Hmm, “Top” is a military contraction of “Top Kick” which is a reference to a First Sergeant.
But, given the Sparkie penchant for abusing “sale” as a verb, and the potential for “table” to mean anything at all, given the proven irregularity of Sparkie-spelling, well, I’ve got nothing, now . . .
Other than an urge to have lay-about sky-larking gold-bricks whitewashing or applying Brasso, or some similar energetic activity.
Ooh, and some Shouting; even better, Shouting by young, energetic, NCO who were also up to Idleness and Sloth!
**Nudges the Top, and inclines head while raising one inquisitive eyebrow to cause that sort of activity**
Now, let’s see who can be tom-sawyer-ed into helping with paint prep . . .
Wish I were near you. I have a penchant for getting sawyer-ed.
Hmm, used to know several folk with traveling sawmills–I wonder how many are now itinerant rafters.
Or, could you mean being interrogated by persons named Dianne?
Could have used some young spry legs for going up the ladder and scrubbing TSP over the hardiplank (the things a person will do to help others out).
Oh, and belated best wishes for all of you who celebrated Purim over the weekend!
Thanks, Cap’n, it was a good one.
[lolcan caption] INVISIBLE COMMENT [/lolcan caption]
For when you really don’t have anything to say and want everyone to know it!
Reruns already?
In soviet Contemporania, table sell YOU.
(Well, someone had to do it…)
Contemporania in Soviet you, Table is sell!
Damn, I forgot about Contemporanian semantics.
Couch.
Phooton.
[OT] So checking the stats of my blog, I discovered that someone found me through Google.
By searching for dubya dubya dubya dot hardsex dot com. (I didn’t want to actually type out the actual URL for obvious reasons. I apologize in advance for the unfortunate mental imagery the conflation of “dubya” and “hardsex” incurs.) Evidently my blog now comes up in searches for pr0n. Boy, that guy must have been disappointed.
[/OT]
I’m evidently the go-to guy for twinks with shaved chests. The people doing those searches must have been supremely disappointed.
This site is one of the top hits for “granny panties”.
As it should be.
Excellent point.
A pithy* argument, for sure.
*I just like using that word.
*quietly erases search history*
Well, now, that’s just bizarre.
Although I am perversely curious now if any commenters now or in the past got here via such a search. I mean besides Mr. Winky.
I’d be curious to know if we have quietly acquired any commenters searching for the elusive “lacawates valtrus-suka.”
I cannot remember how I got here.
*wishes she had a nickel for every time she’s said that*
I do remember, and am embarrrassed to admit, that when I got here I didn’t even realize there were comments for the first few days. I just spent my time reading dan and drmk (BBUT) posts…and laughing.
I came here via a link from some other site (can’t recall which, though I think it was Passive-Aggressive Notes). I read the entire archives before delving into the comments.
I think I remember getting here from the old Lovely Listings site (before it was bought out by Cheezeburger).
Can’t remember how I got to LL… probably via CakeWrecks or something.
My parents introduced me to the site. They don’t read it anymore, which may or may not be a good thing considering what goes on in the commentary.
I came here through a Facebook link from a friend who, as far as I know, doesn’t post here.
Just saw the movie The Extra Man last night. I highly reccomend it. To Quote Henry Harrison, “Well, here we are. Where are we?”
Can’t remember how I got here, possibly via Date Wrecks (which I found via Why Women Hate Men, which was featured in The Guardian newspaper one Saturday at least 18 months ago). I still haven’t read all the archives, but am at least up to May last year – think I started reading in about August, so I’ve nearly caught up.
Bored English major university employee found, or was told of, the Not.A.Lion hijinks. Said person then told me, and the rest, as they say, is sale for table.
Like Camille, I came through a FB link, on the day of this post. I then started reading the posts linked at the end of drmk’s commentary, but not just the posts, not the comments. When I got to this gem I was so overwhelmed by the crazy that I just had to see how other people had reacted, and started reading the comments. Then I realized this site was my new home, and headed back to the beginning of the archives and read all the posts and comments all the way through.
And I have never been the same since. Thank you, YSaC.
Edit: “Awaiting moderation”? There are only 2 links, and they’re both to YSaC! Grr…
[note from drmk: sorry!]
Oh, no, I didn’t mean to bother the Llamanun (BBUH) on her first day back! Thanks for the quick approval.
Haha, granny panties.
Like Taco, I came here from the old Lovely Listing site when they mentioned the not.a.lions. I arrived Lovely Listing after following link after link links from other humor blogs, the first of which a friend linked to me.
I think I’ve said all this before though? Ah well *sips tea, forgets everything*
My tale is very similar to Mindfield’s, right down to the PAN link…
I was born here…
I think it was from a PAN link, but no longer recall. What I do remember was that it was *cough* (I feel oldish) *cough* two years ago this month – I remember that because I told my cousin “My new favorite site is ‘You Suck at Craigslist’!” I believe this is still the case, rather amazingly. (Though not that amazingly, given that it has great posts AND commenters!)
I don’t even know how long I’ve been here. I think I found this site a year ago April, but didn’t start commenting for a month or two.
I think I got here via Lovely Listing, too. It was ages ago, and I read all the archives and lurked for a while before commenting.
Then, to bring it full circle, after I’d been commenting here for a while, I got something featured on LL and the comment they picked to illustrate it was Silva’s!
As to when I got here, I believe I got here sometime last January, but didn’t make my first comment for something in the realm of a month.
YSaC: The Secret Origins.
Your the top
Your
notthe Moona LeezaYour the top
Your
notthe Tower of PizzaYour the
red tablepurple lightOf a summer night in [location1]!
Your sublime, your a
turkey dinnerminty shell!Your the time, the time of
the Derby winnerdolls from Hell!Ima total wreck, a
worthless checkaudobohn, a floating-couch-with-Auntie stains!But if baby Ima the
table sale, your the top!That hurt to read.
Wait, Topper is for sale? This is a plot twist I was not anticipating.
Honey, for the right price I’ll twist any way you like. I’ve got four hungry barstools to feed.
Let the chips fall where they may then….
Topper,
You don’t have to put on de red light.
De barstools need you,
You don’t have to hold de chips tonight.
Topper,
You don’t have to sit on de table tonight.
Dey play de poker witout you,
Dey have de card table for poker night.
Topper,
You don’t have to ante in tonight.
Bacontini, he love you like he love de ladies,
He not deal down to you,
He need to tell you how he feel,
He not want to share you wit de Texas Hold’em tournament,
Bacontini know dey deal you wrong,
Forget to discard between de players and down cards,
So he tell you again,
Bacontini tink you better for de Blackjack.
Topper,
You don’t have to ante in tonight.
Topper,
You got 21 so sit tight.
**tears up**
Bacontini, that was beautiful.
😉
There aren’t enough obos in the world, greasy-beard-man.
We’ve got a top table for sale
Mabel the Table for sale.
Won’t you buy her,
Take her home and try her,
Table is sale.
Don’t you want a little table you can call your own,
A top who’ll be with ya when you’re bottom’s all alone?
Spoken: How much is that old top table in the window?
Take our advice,
At any price,
A top like Mabel’s got is mighty nice.
Table, Mabel Table is sale.
All we need now is a camel, a love seat and bedazzled veils.
Oh, and a Sheik.
Can we bedazzle the camel?
Just the hooves.
Sarajean, your avatar is AWOL again (at least on my screen). Odd.
BOO!!
“Bedazzle the Camel” for euphemism of the day.
“Glitter Your Twitter”
Glatter Your Twa….. No?
Wouldn’t that roughen your muffin?
I know where the corner is.
Don’t make me get my spankin’ cactus! (As soon as Taco finishes it, anyway…)
::makes note::
I didn’t know muffins had corners. I thought only brownies did. You learn something every day.
Muffin corners are even tastier than muffin tops.
Can I assume they taste like angle’s wings?
Sounds kinky. Lemme find my tweezers first.
No worries… I’ll wait 😀
A supermarket near me sells rectangular corn muffins. They don’t taste very good.
I don’t know abut camels, but here’s a lion for you. 😀
No, silly, that’s obviously a zebra. Look at the stripes and the bedazzled eyes!
That thing will now haunt my dreams. The sparkly, dead-looking eyes…
Been pondering (one has time for this, on top of a ladder washing siding) of a sail-powered table.
I may have to browse the Ambassador product line and see if the “Deplomates” have a Table in motor-sailer guise.
I just wanted everyone to know that I got to pet a sloth today. I think I fell in love.
SQUEE! They are the most improbably adorable animals! My friend went through a couple of months of sloth-obsession, where she posted a picture of a baby sloth every day on FB. Was TOO cute. I love how smugly content they always look. Le sigh.
Was it gorgeous? Happy? Smelly?
It was pretty clean and nice until it started digging in the mud, at which point it was all muddy. Then it started emulsifying a banana in its mouth, so it was covered in muddy banana juice. And blowing spit bubbles.
So gross. So adorable. It wouldn’t stop smiling! I couldn’t help but smile too. :]
Ok, either I’m deranged due to an entire week’s worth of coldy germies camped in my frontal lobe, or I’ve been pretending to be a grown up for too long, ‘cos I’m totally jealous of that sloth’s life. Muddy AND bananas AND blowing spit bubbles? Fun!!
ETA: Also, “Emulsifying Bananas” for Band Name of the day? Or IF’s Smashing Pumpkins kids covers band?
I vote it for a euphemism. I mean, “emulsifying the banana” just sort of begs to be (ab)used inappropriately, doesn’t it?
Astro, I do believe your journey to the dark side is complete.
I demand photographic proof of said acquisition. 8) Please?
“I had the great luck one summer of studying the three-toed sloth in situ in the equatorial jungles of Brazil. It is a highly intriguing creature. Its only real habit is indolence. It sleeps or rests on average twenty hours a day.”
“How does it survive, you might ask.
Precisely by being so slow. Sleepiness and slothfulness keep it out of harm’s way, away from the notice of jaguars, ocelots, harpy eagles and anacondas. A sloth’s hairs shelter an algae that is brown during the dry season and green during the wet season, so the animal blends in with the surrounding moss and foliage and looks like a nest of white ants or of squirrels, or like nothing at all but part of a tree.”
-Life of Pi, Yann Martel
One of my favorite pages EVER.
ratwoman, please accept this well-deserved second in a long line of punches to come, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Sale!