YSaC, Vol. 850: Van hailin’
free Dodge Van
I have a van I willing to give away. Its a dodge cargo van. All I ask is for a $50.00 donation so i can clean up the oil marks that it has left on the parking lot. At the current time the vehicle does not run, but it did about 6 months ago, not sure whats wrong with it. It is missing a window on the passenger side but thats ok cause it makes it easier to get things in and out of it. Kinda convenient since the door is kinda hard to open. This vehicle would be a wonderfull gift for someone thats looking for a cheap place to live. Its very roomy and someone could sleep in it in a very relaxed position. It would also make a great camping van. You could camp pretty much any where with it but would have to tow it to get it there. The seats are all missing out of it but id throw in a few folding camping chairs that could easily be bolted to the floor. If you buy this van it also comes with an old couch thats actually in pretty good condition but the cushions are missing, an old tire that does not fit the van and a box of old blankets and clothes. One awesome thing about this van is it has a really nice pioneer cd player in it. I would probably keep the cd player if someone were to buy the van. So if you are looking for a cheap place to live, a nice storage container or like to fix vehicles, this van would be perfect for you. If interested please email me.
So let me get this straight.
You’re giving away a van – but you want fifty bucks for it.
It’s missing a window, but that’s actually a POSITIVE because the door doesn’t work.
It’s very comfortable, despite the fact that all the seats are missing.
It has a spare tire, but it’s for a different vehicle.
And the biggest selling point for the van is a CD player that doesn’t come with it.
…
…
Awesome! When can I pick it up?
Thanks for the listing, ka!
This makes me think of that Van Hailin’ tune “I Can’t Drive 55 (or Any Other Rate of Speed)”. That was during their Sammy Hatecar years, wasn’t it?
(Don’t worry. I’m going back to bed now.)
Manda — it would be a place to store all of that art work you are trying to sell.
I think that was Sammy sans Van, but I’m not sure. Can I go back to bed too?
That’s what I thought too christina. I only wish I could go back to bed.
Sammy is solely responsible for that turd. And many others.
It’s Sammy
I love the Sparkologic that occurs when they think “it doesn’t run, and it’s missing a window (but that’s a plus, because the door doesn’t work) … what a great place to live!” Because a nonworking/stationary, nonsecure vehicle is the first thing I think of when I’m looking for cheap lodging.
On a totally unrelated tangent, the thought of a sofa in this makes me think of the scene from The Brick where “The Pin” picks up Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in a minivan that has a chair or possibly sofa in it, along with a spectacularly fug floor lamp. (I love that scene; there’s an absurdity to the setting that just makes me laugh.)
I’ll come back after coffee and being observant and see if they change anything.
Were I in the market for a vandominum, I might just skip the step of buying and towing this puppy and set up shop inside.
Vandominium for band name of the day. They’re a Grateful Dead cover band, of course.
I remember that scene!
I love that it’s not just a couch and lamp, but the lamp is plugged in and positioned as if it is actually in a living room or someplace. I remember turning to my then-BF and saying “Where is that plugged in?”
I think I watched that movie alone but I remember wondering the same thing…possibly to Severus.
I knew a guy with a van with places to plug stuff in. He got it in a police auction.
Sorry, this van is no longer available. I gave Sparky his $50, then sold it to a junk yard for $200. They even towed it away from the parking lot for me. (Based on a true story.)
How much did you pay them to take the cushion-less sofa and the mover’s box of clothes Goodwill would not take?
Haiku –
Van door opened
Van door is slammed
finger mashed
I’m not getting the write syllable count. ::is confused::
Maybe it’s a Lowku
Write? AR, I hope that was a pun. Otherwise my whole comprehension of write and rong has been thrown into flux.
Of course it was intentional. I no* the difference between homophones.
*Knot a misteak.
Wait, wasn’t Wrong Kong where Sparyky Art #2 from yesterday was based?
Or am I harbouring miss conceptions agin?
At least now you know where you can find a van to harbor Miss Conceptions* in.
*Is this a term for the Virgin Mary that I’m unfamiliar with?
Yes, a stretch for 5-7-5. It can also be sounds made and not specifically English syllables (it’s Japanese, after all). But Hammy’s Lowku is certainly spot on………
Van door openèd (5)
Van do-ore is slammèd, Boom! (7)
Finger mashèd. Spring (5)
A little creative pronunciation, an onomatopoeia, and the obligatory Haiku reference to a season. All fixed!
Most excellent Stephanae!
Most esteemed CoffDrop,
Haiku is supposed to have
Seventeen syllab
That’s what I thought.
I sometimes compose haikus as I’m falling asleep, but can never remember them in the morning.
Guess I’ll just stick to my lame-ass poetry……..
I stand outside all night cause you wont put me away
My silver bodywork is a grim kind of gray
You drive me miles and miles every single day
It’s not much fun being your van
You rev too much, burning oil every mile
Keeping on going really is a trial
All I ask is a service once in a while
It’s not much fun being your van
You haven’t cleaned me inside or out for years
When you’re in a hurry you start to grind my gears
If I whine up goes your music so you’re not one who hears
It’s not much fun being your van
You have me roaring down the motorway again
Through the wind and grit and dirt and fumes and rain
Being used so vainly really is a pain
It’s not much fun being your van
But one day on the road my engine will just die
And you’ll have to wait out in the rain til help comes by
And when the mechanic starts me I will work first try
I can have some fun being your van
I’m hearing this as a country and/or blues song, Coffy.
You more than redeemed yourself with that, bravo. (Or brava? I assume you’re male, but it can be hard to tell around here.)
“A Van Named Sue”
:Hands Lola a peach Crush:
The Van in Black! I should have known.
Peach Crush … mmmm! Thank you.
I think Dan covered all the main points here. There’s not much left to say except:
Really? Really?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Ya Rly.
Don’t forget the couch. I’ve heard it’s in good condition despite the fact that it has no cushions.
If the couch has no cushions, where can you hide the snake? You know what they say, “a couch without snakes is no couch at all.”
Or maybe that’s just me.
Although if the couch has no cushions, and least I don’t have to worry about dead-auntie-juice stains.
Well, given the affinity of couch cushions for spare change, could that not be how the missing window and cusshions are related?
Probably a bit more “relaxing” to not worry if some will rifle one’s furniture in the night, I suppose.
hey, if the passenger door glass is missing, how is it that the CD-playing radio is still in the vehicle? Or has Spark taken it out and left it on top of the fridge, and that is why he’s probably going to keep it?
Is it a pull out couch? Where the very relaxed position can be attained?
AR, how is your head injury?
I still have a small bump and opening my jaw fully still hurts, but the cut is fully scabbed over, and I’ve been fine. Thanks so much for asking.
So let me get this straight, a hunk of metal on wheels for $50. I would have to make something awesome out of it. Perhaps I could replace that window, then completely seal the inside of it with outdoor pool liner other than the windows which I would seal the liner to. I could slice open the top and install a filtration system, water refreshing pump, temperature gauge, and water heater…
GIGANTIC OUTDOOR SHARK TANK VAN! I could even tow it around if I had a Ford F-9Million because it would be so heavy from being full of water and SHARKS.
Wait, now that I think about it… this is a horrible idea. A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE IDEA! Sorry to get your hopes up Dodge Van Man, I tend to be a little more insane on days that end in”y”.
Best. idea. ever.
Can the sharks have laser beams?
I don’t acquire sharks *without* laser beams, Dan. I hope that answers your question. 🙂
Let me call my relatives, they would love a road trip.
Vegas maybe, we’ve never been its hard too swim there.
We could trade days at our timeshare at Sea World!
How horrifically convenient! LET’S MAKE A DEAL!
Wouldn’t the laser beams be hard to Dodge?
I wonder if we could a Ford to hire a spokesperson, perhaps Chevy Chase or Jean Claude Van Damme?
OMG, you finally
came over to the dark sidejoined us. Hi, Beau!HI! Yes, I did. Do I know you? 😛
Well, crap. I was just going to ask you what Miss Lola was like when she wasn’t on here smiting Sparky.
I’m your Splenda mama, Beau. You better know me!
Isn’t Hi Beau Billy Blanks newest fitness video?
Yes, HamCan, it features Snoop Dogg as the guest star alongside Billy.
Smedley – She’s deadly, gorgeous, and you wouldn’t know what to do with her. Be afraid, or very excited. Whichever floats your boat, really.
So it’s fitness gone wild?
Thank you for confirming my suspicions, Beau. That’s pretty much the summary for all the women, and womyn, and ladies, and the fairer sex that post here. Bond girls? Or Bond villainesses? You be the judge.
With the economy it is these days, this is the perfect solution for the family who really needs an extra bedroom but can’t afford to move into a larger place or pay for an addition.
Just put the van next to the back door of the house. Prop the couch up jut under the broken window to use as a ramp – takes care of the having to climb up issue. The blankets can be used as curtains and the old tire used as a planter to spiff the place up a bit. Not sure what to do with the clothes.
Wait – the cd player doesn’t come with it? Never mind. That’s a deal breaker.
Penguin, you must know my neighbors. If not, please don’t give them any ideas.
If it has bald tires would it be called Motel Slicks?
Perhaps CD is a Kerouac fan.
Zen haiku doesn’t conform, man.
I dig it.
Hm, apparently my second comment of the day won’t nest right no matter what I do. sigh.
Hm, apparently
My second comment of the
Day won’t nest right, no
Well played, Bianchi.
Good use for my misfortune.
Refrigerator.
*sigh*
If only it was parked down by the river…
I bet we could park this outside the Snark Lounge and open up one side. The Lurkers would then have a nice, dry place to sit while lurking. I hate to think of them out in the cold as winter approaches. Now, who has $50 I can borrow?
I have some skittles.
I’ve got a unicorns’ butt we could squeeze some more skittles out of.
***Ring Ring***
“Mother Goose? Really? Pull the other one, it’s got bells.”
***bzzz bzzz frzzz***
“Golden Goose? Maybe when I was a kid.”
***frzz frzzz grzzz***
“He cut the goose open? And there were no more golden eggs inside? Where did they come from?”
***stzzz jrzzz wbrrsssxx***
“Well, how does that relate to me?”
***unicrzzz dzzz nzz skizzz, jxxwggsss!***
“Wow! You lick your mother with that mouth? Oh, you mean my unicorn butt…”
***frzzz nrzz rzzsz, dzz ndzz, azzht***
“Oh. Hmm. That’s unfortunate. Hey! Does your phone do this?”
***CLICK***
Pot roast at Casa de Smed tonight. If anyone asks, purple was in season at the time.
Sir, I am intrigued by your philosophy and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I was thinking more like, “Dude you have not yet succeeded in drinking yourself sober.”
Gotta keep the BAC up. Keeps those pesky colds at bay.
And thank you, Miss Lola. I am going to take that as sincere praise. Otherwise I will have to snark around for the rest of the day with my hands over my ears going: “LALALA!! CAN’T HEAR YOU!!! LALALA!!!
**Is frightened and intrigued. But mostly frightened.
But I always assumed they sat in that nice, climate controlled room with the theater seating on the other side of the two way mirror. That’s where I used to hang out. They even have a snack bar and gift shop.
Wouldn’t a two way mirror be a window?
christina, that’s where the doctors sit. Studying our milieu and adjusting our medications accordingly.
And occasionally they adjust them in the wrong direction just for their own entertainment.
I lost my milieu, so they can’t study mine… Or maybe somebody stole it!! All I know is I haven’t seen it for days. Probably with my keys…
I think the squirrel took it.
On behalf of myself and all of the other lurkers here I’d like to thank you all for your concern.
Hi, Too Many Cats! Hi, lurkers!
Hi, TMC! Please de-lurk early and often. Same for everyone else!
“Too many cats”??? No such thing. Especially in the Snark Lounge.
I would have agreed with you, AR, until I saw one episode of “Hoarders”.
*Shudder*
Hi Too Many Cats! Stop by more often, and bring the keys to the washroom. Ours has a small snake problem.
Hope it’s not a CatSnakeBirdFish problem!
For them. The lurkers don’t want us to know what goes on over there. They don’t want us to find the keys to the executive washroom.
The keys are in the couch, with the snake.
We have a washroom? *blink* It’s not on the cleaning roster, so I think it’s better we not find it.
Meh, it’s the lurkers’ washroom, they have to clean it. 8)
I have a very nice comment, you can have it for free. All I ask is $50 to remove the stain from my soul. The content is a little low but that’s good because there’s no poetry to it. It doesn’t have any meme references, but you could probably throw in a pop culture one. One really great thing about this comment is that it has Johnny Depp’s phone number, I’ll probably keep that. This comment would be really good for a lurker who wants to make a first time comment or for someone who likes to edit comments.
This is an awesome comment. I’m not clever enough for a proper follow-up, but I want to make sure it gets the doors it deserves. Well done, kelli.
I’m thinking that whoever broke the window and made off with the seats also took important bits out of the engine.
This hypothesis fails though, due to the presence of the CD changer that I can’t verify since Sparky is keeping it.
Except that with the lack of a window, I have to question the existence of the CD changer. Even in a good area, a car sitting with no window for six months would have lost its radio.
Engines have bits?
Yes. Engines have all sorts of bits.
There’s goes round-an’roun’an’roun’ bits
There’s goes up-n-down bits
There’s goes tappa-tappa-tappa- bits
Eve some Goes zwoosh bits.
Some engines have bits that go “trout trout”–but those are rare, per Kilban.
If your engine has bits that go Nii-wobble;ptang’ptang for more than four hours seek immediate medical attention–or loss of oboe may occur.
Keep on livin’ in you
REO Deadwagon
You should have seen
By the look of my van baby
There were some things missin’
You should have known
By the rust on its doors maybe
But you didn’t listen
The motor’s dead
But you never read
I said there is some broken glass
And the seats are missin’
And though it ran
All about the town
Still I don’t remember
What caused it to bust
Well, it did run
About 6 months ago
And I meant every word I said
When I said that I’d sell it to you
I meant for free or fifty
And I’m gonna keep on foolin’ you
Cause screwin’ you is what I wanna do
I don’t wanna sleep in it
I just think that you really do
And I meant every word I said
When I said that I’ll give you
A folding chair for the driver
And I’m gonna keep on sellin’ you
Cause my landlord said I have to
I don’t wanna sleep in it
I just might really have to
Baby, I’m gonna keep on foolin’ you
Cause screwin’ you is what I wanna do
I don’t wanna sleep in it
I just think that you really do
Hammy your musical genius knows no boundaries. It certainly leaves stains in the parking lot. 8)
Um… eew?
My sentiments exactly.
Yancy, you are back in the box of gold. Congratulations. Enjoy the beautiful paintings while you are there. 8)
Sunday funnies: I love Order of the Stick web comic, and this particular panel doesn’t really need in-depth knowledge of the plot line to enjoy. It just reminded me of we Snarkers. 8)
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0755.html
Yes, and thank you. Now I have to go into their archives and read all of them. I think Bridgete’s predicament was in a panel in the early seventies. And christina and/or Lola were in the mid nineties.
You’re welcome, Smedley! If at least one person discovers OOTS, I am a camper of happiness.
There’s a lot of words in the OP. Think I can use them to pad my NaNo? I’m days behind (which is why I am hanging out here today). I don’t have $50 but I’ll do an IOU payable when my novel makes it on the NY Best Sellers list.
free Dodge Van
*Anagram fun*
Deer Dove Fang (Run away!!)
Dang Dover Fee (Admission to high to see the white cliffs)
Deaf Gore Vend (No one wants to listen to what Al is selling)
Eve Fanged Rod (OWOWOWOW)
Poor Rod, and all he did was announce tv episodes and smoke too much and wrote some scary short stories.
Unless it was that maudlin poet guy, he needed a bit of fanging.
Although, that actor fellow could probably dish out fanging as good as he was given . . .
There’s been a car outside our house for the last week and a half which has 3 flat tyres and shows no sign of being taken away. Maybe I could advertise it like this – at least that way I’d make some money as well as getting rid of it before someone sets light to it. £75, buyer to collect. Don’t know if it goes or not. Might have a radio. All seats still intact, but there may be badgers nesting in the back.
ratwoman, I think that you should be able to charge more for the added feature of a badger nest!
Well, they are protected by law over here. So it may not be legal to move the car if they are nesting. Clearly I didn’t think this through.
Call it a mobile badger sanctuary, then. They would probably give you a grant or something.
Oh, and $50 is only about £9 1 shilling sixpence ha’penny–and that was yesterday’s price.
Or, call it 3 out of a four-pack of Abbot Ale.
I’m not too fond of Abbot Ale. Can I have Fruli instead?
Well, I suppose, if you’re that keen to spend a tenner instead
I’m ok with pocketing the other five bob and the fourth can <G>
That building in the background looks like it might be one of the outbuildings at the penitentiary. I think the reason there’s some stuff missing from the van is that it was evidence. I think some Dahmering might have occurred in that van. The tire and box of random textiles were souvenirs. Don’t know that I would assume anything like a relaxed position in there, just in case.
Now that you point that out, Tankerbell, as a Dennis Lehane fan, I’m having flashbacks to “Darkness, Take My Hand” when I look at the van for more than two seconds.*
*Not a good thing (a good book, but the van is not a happy story detail).
Mr. Eyebrows got the biggest laugh out of this ad. After a very stressful day at work for him, it was so good to hear. Thanks, Dan! *sending many happy bees your way*
The Power of YSaC!
*triumphant theme song*
So, what would YSaC’s theme be? Discuss.
Not sure, but I’d like to suggest it would probably be played on kazoos.
I discovered it the other day!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4sALru9IJk
Well, it’s not Copeland’s Fanfare for the Common Man, but it definitely suits the presentation of the Volumes.
(Think Stu Copeland would write a Fanfare for the YSaC Sanrker?)
Bagpipes, accordions, and 2nd graders on recorders. Doesn’t matter what the song is.
I remember reading the ad this morning, around the same time I finally read yesterday’s (yesterday was a bit crazy for me). But it seems I didn’t snark. Hmm. Well, I know I was doing my usual Sunday family time…from 3000 miles away (yay internet!). And packing for the upcoming move (huge apartment is fantastic, but currently too expensive). And rehearsing my solo for choir. Okay, so I was busy today.
Going to hand out some doors now. ♥
Hope Severus is OK with the move, Brigete. My last one sulked for a bit, though being older it seemed to be particularly upsetting.
So far, he thinks all the boxes are an obstacle course meant just for him. I think the last time we moved, he didn’t like the car ride, but he got over it once he started investigating the new digs.
Yes, the whole investigation/curiosity part does get them interested in the new place. Good luck with the relocation.
Today’s injury tip of the day:
Banging you kneecap on the edge of the door will probably hurt. Try to avoid it.
(This is the knee that already had multiple bruises from my fall in the shower, walking into the corner of a coffee table, and goodness knows what else. I have a bad sense of spatial awareness and I bruise easily – bad combination.)
I feel your pain. I like to run my bad knee into things all the time. I’m pretty sure I hit that one more than the good knee because if I’m sitting with my legs crossed, that’s the one on top, so if I then slide in towards a desk/table that is a bit too low…smack. At my job between undergrad and law school, they ended up raising my desk a bit because I did it so often.
I have fallen so many times in the last four or five years, it’s ridiculous. The worst one, luckily, happened at work, and so Worker’s Comp took care of the meds and therapy and the like. Humorous anecdote, recently I was walking in the back yard from feeding the cats out in the shed to the place were we put food out for our feral cat. Mike had had to rig extra shade for the budgies, and the light that got to where I walked was more dark than light. I put my foot down, and realized I was stepping on something that had fallen across my path. My hands were full, and I thought, I’m going to fall. I better yell. So as loud as I could, I yelled:”OUCH!”
It seemed the thing to do at the time. I caught my balance, and didn’t fall, so thankful for that, because on concrete it would have been all over. I know I would have broken something. Anyway, Mike looks out the door and says, “Did you say something?”
Okay, time to wrap up the snark in a pretty little box and give Yancy a Punchty Punch Punch!
G’Night, SeaWorld!
::click::
::sigh::
::click::
::sigh::
It’s gonna be a busy day at work today. : (
Well, of course he’s giving it away free, but asking for $50. That’s a rehoming fee. Clearly, this isn’t a vehicle, it’s a pet!
It made my day! LMFAO