YSaC, Vol. 844: A salesman’s got to dream, boy.
need friends who are serious – m4m – 24
im a 24 year old white male warwick cranston line looking for my wife to hang around new people get her to pay more attention to me someone to invite us over for a keg party i wanna be the center of attention i want someone who will pay attention i dont like being ignored and looking to organize a group a family group looking for dominican and black women in providence to join and be a family serious inquiries only
I don’t say he’s a great man. He never made a lot of money. His name was never in the paper. He’s not the finest character that ever lived. But he’s a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him. So attention must be paid. He’s not to be allowed to fall in his grave like an old dog. Attention, attention must finally be paid to such a person.* **
*Hopefully by Dominican and Black women in Providence who happen to have keg parties and want to be a family.
**- Death of a Salesman, Arthur Miller.
mo-dean sent this one in, also helpfully pointing out that the ad was posted in Strictly Platonic, under M4M.
Hello, hello is anyone there? Oh DST, I forgot.
Hmm. I’ve never heard of the Warwick Cranston line, but from the sound of it, this 24-year-old white male is from said line of recognized haute couture. Furthermore he can’t find his wife, and he’d quite like to in order to have her hang around new people, as this will evidently cause both her and other people to pay more attention to him, because he doesn’t like being ignored, but rather likes being the center of attention so he wants a group — a family group of Dominican black women in Providence — to adopt them both. Adopt them both seriously, like totally go to the adoption agency and get all the paperwork done so they become legal guardians.
I just know there’s a 6-sided octagonal French prevential table, a roofer roofer, a cardboard celebrity standee, and some reefs involved in this somewhere that he just doesn’t mention.
Thanks Mindfield. I was trying to figure out what the “Warwick Cranston line” was. I thought it might be the line that kept disappearing around here.
No, I think that’s called the Walleye Never Line that keeps running the hell away from us. I can’t imagine why it gets so touchy…
Warwick Cranston is one of Red Skelton’s most beloved characters, the goofy millionaire hayseed drunken hobo clown whose catchphrase, “gimme some dominican and black women in Providence,” is as funny today as it was in 1948.
They’re creepy and they’re kooky,
Delirious and icky,
They’re altogether squicky,
The Warwick Cranston Family.
Their looking for attention.
An African and Dominican
They live in Rhode Island.
The Warwick Cranston Family.
White
Male
Asshat
So get a bitchin’ kegger on.
A chick you can maul on.
In Providence we’ll pay a call on
The Warwick Cranston Family.
Bravo Hammy.
I think he means he’s one of the Cranston family who live in Warwick. Say it with me now, without moving your lower jaw, “Sparky, of the Warwick Cranstons.”
You know who else lives in Warwick? The Ghost Hunters. I think maybe if they want paranormal, they got it right in their backyard.
The warwick cranston line – Is that a family heritage line? Or the railroad line he walks as a lonely hobo, looking for his next keg party?
Or perhaps that is the elusive YSaC line that we shouldn’t cross? It finally has a name!
Off topic: I am excited that I just used the word “hobo” conversationally. I don’t get to do it often enough.
Dear Mr. Line,
We have missed you around here. We assumed you were incredibly shy since you disappeared so regularly. Little did we know you were looking for your wife.
No, we haven’t seen her.
Yes, we have seen Dominican and black women, but not always together.
So, you want more attention than we’ve been giving you? Are you kidding? If that’s the case, stop leaving town every time we turn around!
So many problems, so little time.
Sparky, if you want to get invited to a kegger, find your nearest college campus.
You want attention? Go to your nearest library and start moonwalking on top of the tables. You’ll get all sorts of attention. Most will be from the police, but hey – you didn’t specify.
You know where you can find a lot of Dominican women? The Dominican Republic. Why don’t you do us all a favor and go there? You might raise the collective IQ of the US a point or two in the bargain.
Of course, given that he has a wife, there must be a serious drag factor involved if she stays here. I mean how smart could she be if she married him.
Of course since he’s from such a prestigious family line, maybe we can hope she married into money. *Crosses fingers* Please, please, please, please.
*Remembers the TV show where he watched a couple get married in prison… where the guy had been arrested for domestic assault and battery.”
I’ll be over in the corner, sobbing quietly.
Unless his “wife” is of the Real Doll or inflatable variety.
Or, for extra-crispy creepiness, the Mother Bates model.
*Pictures a man talking a real doll dressed up like his mother that’s answering him back in his head, telling him to post craigslist ads in order to add to their mummified harlott collection in the basement.*
SJ, I’m going to get a LOT of typing done tonight now that I’ll no longer be sleeping.
Here Typo…you dropped this:
to
Ah, I’d wondered where that had wandered off.
I think he just needs the o, there’s an extra t in harlot that he can use.
I just know there’s a euphemism there if I can only think of it. Too bad it’s Monday.
His wife actually is 6’2″, eyes of blue with long dark blonde wavy hair. 215 lbs. and 48 years old. I am a cool guy and a great listener. (S)he actually would be perfect for Sparky since he wants to be the center of attention. I’m guessing that if Sparky shows up at “Open House” at the Pen, he’ll get all the attention he can stand. He’ll need to stand because he won’t be able to sit.
Ooh Gramps!!! *HUGS*
Long time, no snark!!
HUGS! right back to ya, Mudsy. Good to be mentally challenged again.
Ooh, I wish there was an “edit” – that really came out differently than I intended.
Umm, no offense to anyonewas planned or intended.
Is it ever? See, this is why you
use protectionscan your statements before you hit Submit Comment. Lik mee.Sarajean, my neighborhood has a lot of Dominicans in it, and from what I understand, they have enough problems there (kind of why they are here), though they’re not as bad off as the other half of the island, Haiti. I would feel kind of bad about contributing further to their issues by inflicting Sparkster on them. When you’re trying to take care of refugees from a natural disaster, the last thing you want is some attention whore who can’t find his kegger horning in.
They could use his massive ego as a hurricane shield.
If that were the case, then the place would have been safe from them* whilst Trujillo was in power … the man named and re-named everything – todos – todos – todos – there after himself.
*Possibly the only thing the people there would have been safe from, since they weren’t safe from him.
So this woman must really be a man (hence the M2M ), she must be his wife and simultaneously pay attention to him AND meet new people?
That is one heckuva multi-tasker.
My, but were feeling entitled today aren’t we? God bless his heart.
PSA:
I think I’ll just stand here to the side with a bucket full of extra letters and a basket brimming with punctuation marks so that Typo can rummage through them after he hits the “Submit Comment” button.
Hey look, a colon!
:
To quote William J. Buchholz:
“How like a god is the writer who nimbly wields colons, brandishing this mark of deep insight as though it were the merest trifle. The colon commands obedience. Some people have been known to tremble
before it; others, to glow in a kind of fearful ecstasy.”
Leave it to you to find that one in the basket, Typo.
Archie,
As Taco appears to be aware, Mr. Buchholz was not speaking of this punctuation mark – : – , he was talking about actual colons. You know, the lower half of the intestinal tract. You brandish one of those bad boys, and people are by God gonna tremble. The “fearful ecstasy” sort of creeps me out a bit, but they damn straight obey once you wield a colon, especially if it was their supervisor’s colon only moments before.
Tank, honey, I like your style.
Speaking of colons – anybody want to go dutch on a colonoscopy? I’ve got discount tickets good through the end of the month.
Thanks, Grampdaddy, but I’ll pass…
Oh! Let’s make a day of it. We’ll go shopping, get pedicures, have lunch at The Cheesecake Factory and round out the day with some good old fashioned colonoscopies!
All I can picture is a poor little dutch boy with his finger plugging the hole…
And you can play “Guess What I Had for Lunch”
with the proctologist.
Touche, Tank. 🙂 I should have realized that the master wordsmith who brought us t-shit would not be talking about the punctuation mark. *headdesk*
Hey, lemme see that bucket –
OH, WOW! An umlaüt! And two of them Møøse thingies!
YSaC Lonely Hearts Club. Find your soul mate on line!
Qualifications: Must be human. Okay, mostly human.
Must recognize the Oxford comma and use it and all other punctuation correctly.
Must know the difference between all cats, domestic and wild.
Must be single. (this is important)
Must know the important of bees, and when to bestow them, and on who.
Must not be offended when others point out typos or other errors in comments.
Must know if you are male or female, and if you are looking for one or the other.
All other issues can be negotiated. There will be a small fee for this service. Obos may be involved.
Apply at windroseknowswhat’sbestforyou.com
Welp I was out off the running by the second, requirement.
I don’t think I know the Important of Bees. Is that a gender-neutral term for the Queen Bee, or is it some other high bee official?
I think the Important of Bees is knowing when to intone “Bees be upon [name]” at the proper time. If it’s not, I’m SOL in terms of membership.
Dear YSaC Lonely Hearts Club. I have bean lokin for my online sole mate for many years.
hesheIt has tree heads, thee legs and 2 arms. I think it is partially human or is a demi-doggod. I don’t care about others typos an spilling problems and I’m glad to point them out for them. I was single many years ago … not sure what happened. I no yur ad was ritten for me. Can you help?THE Sparkmaster,/i>
I haz a tree headed dog monster! Iz rly tree different dog monsters but you can sews them a sweater what makes em look like a monster. How much obos you haz?
“on whom”
: )
8) See comment about Importance, AR. 8)
Was doing good until the “can afford a small fee” part . . . <sigh>
To be fair, she didn’t specify what kind of can. Maybe empty cat food cans?
Dry cat food; so no empty cans here.
Hmmm: pleasing thought–sparky on a spit, slow roasting to the rapt attentions of the neighborhood catulators . . .
This “mostly human” you mention, Windy. How “mostly” is mostly? I’m, uh, asking for a friend.
Is there like a percentage or do you have to give a tissue sample? (And if so how fresh?)
I’d go with 75% human. Three out of four of your fore-bearers should have been human. No tissue sample required, just your family tree.
Can I just bring in the family sapling? The tree doesn’t fit in my car.
My family tree is kinda big. You really think it’ll fit in the Snark Lounge? Although it would be fun to see the Llamanun* on the tire swing.
*Bees be upon her
Well, SJ and Tank, let’s whittle those trees down to a manageable size! Pick a few limbs you don’t need, and bring them in.
It’s always too early on Mondays. 8) Importance would look so good in there where it was meant to be, but the fun you’ve all been having with it makes me happy.
Move over, SJ and Taco. One more for the Group W bench.
Dear YSaC Lonely Hearts Club,
Can you help me?
hi i have a relationship and i need someone with there girlfriend/boyfriend to help me here the thang ive been handing out flyers and goin on Eharmony no calls yet but with my relationship and yours you can come get me and we can go have some dates and split the tab im a good “worker” (if you no wut I meen) and i work in the buff so you would have to do the same thanks
Sparkatollah
The vision that flashed through my mind was deeply disturbing. Who has the extra, heavy duty brain bleach?
Isn’t it your week to get it, Artsy?
But will there be a Beatles tribute band? If so, I call John.
That’s a real long distance call, Astro.
Don’t worry, I’m calling collect.
Rhode Island’s state motto: We’re really not an island suckers.
I’ve never payed attention to Rhode Island. What else do they say?
Sorry we’re a state. At least we’re better than Alabama.
Wow, zing on two states at once!
Yeah, well I thought Alabama was the name of a singing group.
I hope Mr. Typo will remember: A southern man don’t need him around, anyhow.
They also encourage* people from Massachusetts to pretend that they’re from there so that they can get many things cheaper.
*allegedly
Mudsy — Alabama (also know as Bama) is a singing group. They used to sing in the great state of Myrtle Beach although I though I saw them
droppingplaying futbol this weekend on the tellitubbyvision.Oh…I thought they were from Denvertucky—the one south of Yozemight National Pork.
They were popular in Peciltucky too.
Sounds like Chinese hide the salami…
I’ve never payed attention to Rhode Island. What else do they say?
LL – ignore them, they are all chickens and communists – Rhode Island Reds.
*Oh, Man! – I’ve been in Indiana too long, I’m making farm animal jokes.*
**Badly**
Come on, you were telling bad jokes looong before we lived in Indiana!
I’m confused about why having his wife hang around with new people would make her pay more attention to him – unless they’re really boring people. I mean, if you want your wife to pay more attention to you, shouldn’t she hang around with YOU?
Camille — it’s Monday you’re not allowed to ask questions that make any sense.
Maybe his wife needs the background noise to stand listening to him?
That is why they have earbuds for iPods.
Well, this is a ginat muddle, it’s just hard to know.
First Sparq’ posted in M4M possibly about a wife.
Secondly, there’s some sort attention deficit going on.
Now, since Sparq invoked keggers and the like, I’m starting to wonder if the present ‘wife’ has been confusing Sparq about getting Sea Alice and keeping same around. And the only Sea Sparq’ knows is from the honeymoon cruise to Dominica. And he never found that Vivien Agra the wife sent him for (and he might have partied too much with that Levi Thrah at the beach kegger, to add to the confusion).
Or some such.
As I’m hoping that Sparq’ is not just a troglydite who has cleaved to a notion that Dominican spouses are subsurvient chattle, and that a cross-dressing or similar-gender ‘spouse’ would be so grateful as to be a syncopatheitc groveling untermensch of just the sort to coddle the gossamer balloon of Sparq’ ego and world view.
Or, perhaps I’ve just having a “too many buttons pushed” sort of day, and it’s passing hard not to grab the sparkies by their pointy hair and show them the violence inherent in the system.
Why yes, the bear did wake up on the wrong side of the cave this morning . . .
Capn, if your crankiness is responsible for generating phrases such as “ginat muddle” please carry on. I will use this somehow in a sentence today. I swear it! 🙂
Be happy to oblige; would that I did not have a craving for cold fried-chicken and crispy bacon, and grinding the bones of idiots into satisfyingly crunchy bits . . .
Yes, bartender, I’ll have a ginat muddle, please. Shaken, not stirred. Pass the beer nuts, will ya?
Oh, I’ll have what she’s having. Er… sans alcohol, that is. Just put in some gatorpiss* for flavoring.
*This is somewhat obscure-ese for Lemon-Lime Gatorade
Boy did Sparky come to the wrong place…
The friends part? Or the serious part?
Yes.
Exactly
Porcupine.
Kinkajou.
Do you ALWAYS have to bring up porcupines! Can’t we, just once, have a quiet, serious conversation without hearing about the damned porcupines!?
*Pecil
Well, what other common creature best resembles bucket of firm oboes?
I’ll have you know I try my hardest not to bring up any porcupines!
That would hurt like hell.
I like hedgehogs!!!!
I’m particularly fond of beavers. I’ve always been in awe of the way they can slap their tail on the water.
Well, at least it wasn’t a farm animal. I still have my suspicions about why you chose that particular beast.
Well Windy, I really didn’t want to go into it, but you caught me. It is actually their teeth – anything that can whittle down a pole with incisors will get my attention.
Damn, so many innuendos in that response, I lost count…
Nice job Grampdaddy!
Attention is a shyster.
I’ve paid attention but didn’t get my change back. Crook.
Attention steals socks out of the dryer.
I thought that was Static.
They’re dating so it’s a joint effort. They might break up soon, I hear Static is a bit clingy.
Hehe…but what a relationship. Rumor has it that when they kissed it was pure electricity.
here and I thought they saw sparks
Static was caught cheating. He left little electrons all over town.
I thought Static was the female. Probably because when I hear the name Attention, I think of er…ummm….pecils.
Attention is a
whoreslut (and a crook).No, Attention is a flaxen-haired oatmeal thief whose head only comes off that once, and not nearly satisfying enough.
And is not a satisfying bacon-flavor, either.
Attention killed my granpappy…or was that consumption?
Sparky, get a dog.
Poor puppy 🙁
Hammy, you’d probably be required to rub his belly. Here, take this shirt with you.
Thanks for that lovely image Grampdaddy. Excuse me while I poke out my mind’s eye.
run on sentence makes this hard to read i can’t get past the lack of punctuation to begin to figure out what sparky wants here other than that sparky wants attention and either has or wants a wife serious replies only
true lack of punctuation makes me wonder whether sparky is looking for a wife at these keggers he’s asking for or if he’s asking for attention from a wife he already has but the specification of dominican and black women in providence looking for a family group makes me lean towards the hypothesis that he’s trolling for a mate at parties where people pay attention to him on the other hand the prevalence of the preposition “to” in the early part of the post and the pronoun “us” makes me think that the wife is a fait accompli and now he’s looking to go polyamorous
Have you been hanging out with Capn’ or something?
The m4m makes me think he’s looking for a man for his wife who will invite them to keggers, but who is so lame that he makes the wife pay more attention to him because he’s so wonderful by comparison. And then he’s also looking for some Dominican and black women to join their group their family group their serious family group.
You know who had a very serious family group? Charles Manson.
The Donner Party was a pretty serious family group.
But it wasn’t much of a party.
A pot-luck, bring a dish to pass affair?
But they had plenty to eat!
*My sister wrote a paper in Jr. high on the Donner party, and typoed “Dinner” party several times.
You want to see a serious family? Try the Habsburgs.
I will refrain from bringing up my story of The Donner Party pizza.
*going back to reading my paperback version of Alive
You can’t just say or write “Donner Party pizza” and not explain. It’s a rule.
I’ve already told this story….but if you insist *fake sigh*.
It involves a popular pizza establishment here on campus. Under their signature pizza pie section, they have this gag-reflex-pie that they’ve chosen to call Lambda Gyro Pi. I discovered very quickly that this is definitely a misnomer.
The main ingredients on it are long, very thin strips of beef and lamb gyro meat. After making the mistake of ordering one, I decided to rename it.
Thank you, mudsy 🙂 Now that I’ve heard it again I do kinda remember it. I think my brain’s too full.
My pleasure. Thank goodness it’s nearly dinnertime for us Easties.
christina, your sister was right, either way. Hope she got a good grade on it.
I think it is sweet that Sparky wants to win back his wife’s attention by going to keg parties. I bet they met in college after she was did a keg stand and then fell into his arms with the well-known mating call of “I’m soooo drunk!!!” You can’t blame the Sparkster for trying to rekindle the flame. Who says romance is dead?
Romance the Dead? OMG – Zomb…
Be right back, I’m gonna go add “zombie porn” to my “Do Not Google” list.
I dunno, THIS zombie seems pretty romantic… he got her a flower and everything:
http://mortiferi.deviantart.com/art/No-185249959
(NOT porn, very tame, so don’t worry SJ)
Aww, he’s too good for her anyway. She looks like she’d be eyeing all the vampires while they were out on a date.
Is that a Southern euphemism?
Yes. It means Manda did not proof read after changing part of her comment. I wanted to see what it feels like to have TypoMagic.
It feels kind of…squishy…
I bet you feel smartz now too.
You is speeshal now!
Yay! Hey SJ, wanna play hella-speeshul-copper?
Wheee! I love that game. Lemme go get my helmet so my brain don’t get broke. Again.
Great! You get your helmet while I finish drinking this grape juice. I just had a HUGE snack too! Chocolate cake and a hot dog and candy and… Why is mom yelling about no hella-copper on the white carpet? Oh well. Let’s SPIN!!!
Uh…I don’t feel so good…is that the speeshul part?
I think the speeshul part’s coming up …
: Grabs raincoat and heads for cover:
Oh no, not grape juice and chocolate cake on the YSaC Green Lounge carpet again. Windy and I just cleaned it. You girls know better than that. Go sit in the time out chairs (ignore anything that Grampdaddy tells you while you’re there).
Artsy, you’re hurting me here…. I always told Manda that I was the voice of adult reason, maturity, and responsibility in the house. Her mother managed to not laugh too loudly. I never could figure out why…
Don’t worry. I have years of practice ignoring Grampdaddy. 🙂
(Hi Dad! Love you!)
Grampdaddy – I thought Manda made a new YSaC rule awhile back, that we weren’t allowed to use your name and maturity in the same sentence.
Would you listen to anything told you by a child raised by me?? C’mon, just think about that for a minute.
Besides, I will have the last laugh – she’s got those three red-headed kids, and Grampmommy and I get to sit, watch, and laugh.
Because they have nowhere to go but up?
*snerk*
Artsy, I think we will have to pull out the carpet and go back to linoleum. *tsk tsk*
But linoleum is so cold on my… er… feet… on those cold winter mornings!
Grampdaddy — we are closer in age than you think. I just waited 12 to 15 years to start popping little ones out. No the days that we try to have family discussions someone (my loving son usually) starts bringing up the sanity of certain persons in this household. I lovingly point out that soon these will also become his character traits, so he better learn to love them now. Here they are:
1. Grampdaddy – I always told Manda that I was the voice of adult reason, maturity, and responsibility in the house.
2. I’ve always told the little hooligans that semi- and permanently reside I was the only sane person in this mess, plus I’m older than they are (can’t use the bigger tag anymore).
(I’m sure there are moor, just too tired to think.)
How boring must you be if you are worried about getting ignored at keg parties? It takes an exceptionally dull person that my drunk self does not find even mildly humorous.
Based on my limited experience with intoxicated people Sparky would probably have to be a corpse. Even then someone would probably dress him up funny and draw a penis on his face so they could post pictures on Facebook.
*high five* Bavec! Well stated.
“I demand to know what this is about!” she screamed, waving a piece of paper clenched in her furious hand.
It was at times like this that Steben (with a B, for his mother had a cold at the time) regretted marrying older. Older women were wiser, they knew the tricks. She was handsome, to be certain, but not exactly pretty. She was from a wealthy, well-established family with ties to his own, however, which befitted his station, and the marriage was arranged per his family custom, so he really had no say in the matter. They were betrothed, a dowry was offered, the deal was sealed, and she got a hyphenated name — or rather, an additional hyphenated name: Mrs. Baller-Witcombe-Chardonnay-Unknown-Assailant-Sharpie-Magnum-Cranston. Her family’s custom was such that she assumed a hyphenated name after each event involving any form of intimate contact she had, either as a badge of honor or shame as befitted the situation. Her family was a bit off. It was in the blood, and right now, hers was boiling.
“Whatever do you mean, dear?” Steben asked in the most syrupy of tones.
“This!” Bailey, for that was her given name, said, waggling the paper in front of his face.
Steben privately rolled his eyes and took several attempts to grab the paper from her quaking hand before reading it. It was a printout of his Craigslist posting. The one looking for attention-lavishing Dominican ladies up for a little kegger followed by a legal adoption.
“Oh, this.” Steben said. “You see, it’s–”
Bailey cut him off. “Whores! You want whores! Drunken, island whores who will give you attention!”
“Us, dear, give us attention!” Steben protested.
Bailey’s eyes widened remarkably given that he already thought that if they widened any more he’d see brain. He didn’t though, not yet. “Don’t give me that you lying sack of philandering slaughterhouse effluvia! You just say that to try and make it look like you’re thinking of me, too, and we both know that’s a quivering mountain of stank!”
If nothing else she had an amazing way with words. “No, you don’t understand, dear–”
“Don’t you dare ‘dear’ me, and don’t tell me I don’t understand, I understand all too well, you want to dip your quill in some fresh black ink!”
Steben wasn’t sure if that was racist or not, but it didn’t matter. “That’s not it at all, I told you, you don’t understand–”
“Exotic island poonany, that’s what you want! You want to bump uglies with them!”
“No! You–”
“–don’t understand, I know, you keep saying that and it’s road apples!”
“It isn’t! I don’t want to have sex with them!”
“Oh really? Well what then?”
“I want to be like them!”
For what must have been the first time in her life, at least as long as he’s known her, Bailey Baller-Witcombe-Chardonnay-Unknown-Assailant-Sharpie-Magnum-Cranston was stunned speechless. He siezed that opportunity.
“I told you you don’t understand. You have never understood me!” Oh great, the tears were flowing now. His, not hers. She was still shellshocked. “My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great–”
Steben stopped to sniffle. “–great, great, great, great … great great super-great grandfather Benjafart “Honky” Cranston was a Santo Domingo woman! He was a great man, and I feel closer to him than any of my living relatives, so I want to be a Dominican woman just like him!”
Bailey stared blankly for a moment before quietly uttering, “I see.”
“I also really like beer,” Steben added.
Bailey stared off to one side for several minutes, either lost in thought or searching for the umpteen-hundredth time their Where’s Waldo? wallpaper, whom nobody had yet found.
“Steben,” Bailey started, her voice worryingly calm and quiet. “I have a confession to make.”
Steben didn’t quite like the sound of where that statement seemed to be heading. All he managed to get out was, “Oh?”
“Steben,” Bailey continued. “it seems we have something in common after all. You see, I…”
Bailey took a deep breath. “I want to be an Asian man.”
I have a confession to make too:
I’m really a burrito.
*Snif*
:sniff-sniff:
That’s so touching …
:breaks down:
I wanna be a cactus!
I have a confession to make, I’m not really a kelli….I’m a lifesize Bea Arthur cutout. Please only use me for the intended purpose.
You know, there are many religious support groups that will cure all of your delusional thinking. If you think you’re a cucumber, I’m sure there are passages in the bible* that will address that.
*Old Testament for sure
There, there, Typo. It’s OK, we all love you just the way you are. You are safe with this group, we never judge anyone by their minty shell. Are you a flour or a corn tortilla, or do you go either way? Would you like to talk about your stuffing, or is it too soon for that.
Remember, we are here for you – have some salsa…
So, Taco, are you sure you’re a burrito, or at this point are you maybe just burrito-curious?
That was a Taco typo, he added the “it” by accident…
All this outpouring of love and confession. I must admit something.
I’m … I’m really a … a … a basset hound! The most emo of all dogs!
*sob*
:tries to picture an eerily smiling basset hound.:
:fails miserably:
I’m resisting the urge to photoshop, SJ. Just for you.
I think we’re all greatful for that, Typaco.
Damn lack of spell-check and edit fuction*.
*That one was on purpose, but I forgot to add the footnote.
I’m really a LARGE bear.
Mindfield — I have to ask. Which came first the teeth or the dog?
I think I perforated some solid internal structure trying to hold in the mirth on that one. Smilydog, in memory of my now-ruptured organ, I think instead of truckloads of brazillion doors, I inaugurate a new form of appreciation, the spleen. A spleen to you, sir!
P.S. I’m really a Yugo.
I’m a Taurus. Is a Yugo an Earth, Air or Water sign?
No, my sign is “runs great – just needs an engine.”
I thought it was OBO, Glitter Tank.
Sorry, initially saw “quivering mountain of skank!”.
Should that be, a secret Asian man?
Are they giving him a number?
And taking ‘way his name. 8)
I need friends who are serious – m4m – 24
I’m a 24-year-old white male of the Warwick-Cranston line looking for my wife to hang around. New people get her to pay more attention to me. I want someone to invite us over for a keg party. I want to be the center of attention. I want someone who will pay attention; I don’t like being ignored. I am looking to organize a group–a family group. I’m looking for Dominican and black women in Providence to join me and be a family. Serious inquiries only.
Nope, punctuation doesn’t help.
Ugh, gone just past 1400 here in CST, and, the familiar 400 Bad Request error will rear its ugly hear on clicking Submit.
Harumph.
Catulator keeps bringing me his toys, and we pounce on them.
Smart catulator.
I don’t think it does that when the edit function has been castrated.
Aye, Capn. If you’re getting error messages again, let me know.
Ok, wierd–was only “internal error, try again later” on the adores.
Bandwith at my end necked down for a bit (perversely, after shutting down IE, usually increases by decreasing packet request rate).
Now back as if no problem. And no 400 Error, either.
LRC, my homemoose! How delightful to see you! I’ve been missing your ponchoey goodness. Come sit by me, I got Monster in the flask today.
“Warwick Cranston Line” is the railroad track this guy should be tied to.
Oh wow, a local one for me! I’m about 10 miles from either Warwick or Cranston(where they come together isn’t a great area). I wonder why the specific race request…
(a when one wants their wife to pay more attention to them, the answer is friends recruited via Craigslist
(b a great place to get ‘serious’ friends(from Providence, not such a friendly place!)is Craigslist
(c why do they have to be a family? Does he want bickering?
Thank you all for a fun day! I guess Larry couldn’t come back due to dealing with his two brothers named Darryl. But here’s his Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Isle of Rhodes!