YSaC, Vol. 842: Blow (for) Me.
could you help me
hi i own a mowing business and i need someone with there truck,lawn mower,blower and some yard tools to help me here the thang ive been handing out flyers and business card no calls yet but with my tools and yours you can come get me and we can go do some jobs and work and split the money im a good worker and i work in the rain so you would have to do the same thanks
Maybe it’s just me here, Sparky, but I’m guessing this flier may be why you’re having trouble attracting clients:
“Sparky’s Professional Lawn Mowing Service
We Can Mow Your Lawn and Blow Your Leaves!*
*note: we can not actually mow your lawn or blow your leaves.”
It sounds to me like you’re not so much in the Lawn Mowing Business as the Attempt to Defraud business.
Thanks for the link, Stephanie!
Sparky was in his No-Periods Period. Also his Run-On Sentence Period, his Money For Nothing Period, and his Your Tools Are My Tools Period.
Oh, I’m pretty sure I can spot the tool in this ad.
Air Raid!!!
hi i own a punctuation business, need someone with there exclamations,periods,semicolons, question marks i punctuate in the rain so you will have to to but im not a very hard worker so yul have to put the punctuation in yourself.
Appropriate use of to to! You’re hired!
An excellent use of tu-tu as well!
Laurelhach – I HAVE A CAPITALIZATION BUSINESS MAYBE WE COULD WORK TOGETHER
Now all we need is a decent speeler.
I nominate
TypoTacoMagic!I wunna mow some lawns
By: The fab foreman
Oh yeah, I´m selling something
I think I can provide
When I say that something’s
I wanna mow some lawns
I wanna mow some lawns
I wanna mow some lawns
Oh, please, say to me
You have a blower, man
and please, say to me
You’ll let me use your truck
Now let’s go mow some lawns
I wanna mow some lawns
And when I edge it I feel happy, inside
It’s such a feeling
When your yard
I air raid
I air raid
I air raid
Yeah you, got that fescue
I think you’ll understand
When I say that something’s
I wanna mow your lawn
I wanna mow your lawn
I wanna mow your lawn
And when I edge it I feel happy, inside
It’s such a feeling
When your yard
I air raid
I air raid
I air raid
Yeah you, got a John Deere
I think you’ll understand
When I say that something’s
I wanna mow some lawns
I wanna mow some lawns
I wanna mow some lawns
I wanna mow some l-a-a-a-a-a-a-awns
OMG! That’s so wonderful I want to scream and faint and buy your records! 8)
It’s the way he shakes his head when he sings “Laaaaaaawn” that puts me over the edge, Windrose. *sigh* Hamcan is the cutest puppy.
*Bats puppy eyes, tosses a scarf*
Squeeee!
:faints:
*thump*
You seem to be fainting quite a bit, sarajean. You may want to talk to your doctor, or stop playing hella-special-copper.
Awww… I never get to have any fun. “Don’t play hella-speeshal-copper, you’ll pass out.” “Don’t eat too many cookies, you’ll get a tummyache.” “Don’t poke that anthill with a stick, you’ll get bitten.”
:goes off to pout and apply ointment and take pepto-bismol:
As always, Lola is looking very ‘hot’.
Beautiful, yes, but I’m a little afraid of this avatar, like she’s going to scold me for not being funny.
Pffft, don’t worry. The only scolding will be of candortrollz or similar deserving individuals. 🙂
SJ, I’ve also heard you don’t pull on Superman’s cape, or spit in the wind.
From the “Off-White” album:
Why don’t we do it gettin’ mowed?
Why don’t we do it gettin’ mowed?
Someone might be payin’ us,
Why don’t we do it gettin’ mowed?
Why don’t we do it gettin’ mowed?
Why don’t we do it gettin’ mowed?
If you got the power tools,
We could even do it gettin’ blowed.
(Yeah, I know it’s not Hammy, but it is the best I could do on short notice. )
Oh, I’d say you hammed it up real nice, Grampdaddy.
could you help me
*Anagram fun*
Clue Hue Ply Doom (Miss Scarlet in the cabinet shop with the panel saw)
Deploy Mule Ouch (Puts ointment on saddle sores)
You Pull Coed Hem (Taco, stop that!)
Ole Lumpy Douche (Way past its expiration date!)
You Dump Eel Loch (Nessie!!)
Holy Emu Duel, Cop (Domestic dispute at YSaC)
Pull! Cue Homy Ode (Rap song about skeet shooting)
You Humped Cello (He REALLY loves classical music)
Ouch, Old Eye Lump (What I’m getting for the domestic dispute comment)
*Can you tell it’s rainy here and I’m bored cuz I can’t go out and play?*
Possibly best anagram result ever.
If it’s raining then why aren’t you out working on the yard? If sparky can do it you can too!
Emulating Sparky is not one of my life goals.
😀
However I have the tools f you would like to come get me you can use them to saw down 4 trees and we can split the firewood…
Been there, done that 23 times already and we’ve got three more that need felling. How about you bring the tools, cut down the last three trees and I’ll let you keep all the firewood?
No thanks, I just cut down a 95 foot tall maple that died. I have firewood for a few years 😉
Dude what I wouldn’t do for someone local to me to have that problem. Need firewood for the winter…
You are welcome to come get the limb wood, there’s at least a chord of that in a pile. If you start now you might be home next week. 🙂
Here is a picture right before I cut sown the last, and biggest, trunk. My 48″ bar saw broke so I had to whittle away at it with my 20″ bar saw. The stump is 6 feet across and I counted 155 rings, it’s probably a little older then that, was a really beautiful tree before it died, sad.
Hmm, dunno why that link didn’t work and that’s the first time I’ve ever planted and cut down a tree at the same time…Oh for the love of the edit function!
Massive link…
http://www.samhaincardigans.com/downloads/PA164681.JPG
I don’t know how to use xhtml. So…
“Holy Emu Duel, Cop”
This made me think of Robin, after he got sacked by Batman or something and decided to work in the police force, after all. Holy Cantalopes, Batma- I mean, Captain. Or something.
could you help me
hi i own a house building business and i need someone with there truck,digger,dumptruck,bricks,tiles,cement,timber, and some tools to help me here the thang ive been handing out flyers and business card no calls yet but with all your equipment and vehicles and actual ability to build houses you can come get me and we can go do some jobs and work and split the money im a good worker and i work in the rain so you would have to do the same thanks
Could you help me
hi i own a nuclear reactor and i need someone with there plutonium,graphite cooling rods, Geiger counter and some lead suites to help me here the thang ive been handing out flyers and business card no calls yet but with my reactor and your fuel you can come get me and we can make some electricity and bombs (shhhh,k) and split the money im a good worker and i work in the Ukraine so you would have to do the same thanks
Could you help me? I own a cake baking business and you would need to have an oven, pans, mixers, bowls, flour, sugar, eggs and other stuff to make cakes and my shop is located in MacArthur park so you would need to leave the cakes out in the rain.
could you help me
hi i own a commenting business and i need someone with there wit, song parodies ,snark and nerdy refrences tools to help me here the thang ive been handing out emoticons and links no hits yet but with my typing and yours you can e-mail me and we can go do some blogs and websites and split the lolz im a good commenter and i work in pajamas so you would have to do the same thanks
Could you help me? I own a proctologist’s office and need …..
*Nah, just can’t do it.*
… Aaaand there goes the line. Excellent work for so early on a Saturday, Grampdaddy!
Honest, I tried to stop before the line, but it was slippery and I skidded….
I always thought the floor leading up to the line was stickier. I guess somebody’s been using wax again.
Euphemistically.
For quiet shirt time in their bunk. *pesky old line, just stay out!*
Obviously, Sparky has had extensive experience as a member of upper corporate management. He is well versed in the ways of Wall Street and probably has an IPO planned for his Non-Mowing Lawn Care business. As we’ve seen over the last ten years or so, perhaps longer, businesses that provide no tangible goods, no services, but have the ability to eliminate people who actually DO work are the darlings of the financial market.
Sparky is just holding out for the proper financial incentives so that he can find a suitable tax shelter, retire, and complain about those who want a handout from the government.
*Probably requires [Matt] tags, but I couldn’t afford them.*
I have a smooshed \~at£/ tag you can have for free, Kelli didn’t want it back.
Could someone kindly point me in the direction of the origin of Matt tags? I know, I shouldn’t have been gone so long, but you are so prolific & funny that I found myself acting like the mom on The Guild (at least close enough that I was uncomfortable) & felt bad. But now that I’m back I must know!
Also, what happened to Astro & his drawings? Is he just gone because the school year started?
Astro is wrapped up in band stuff and probably will be until the winter holiday.
I think Matt showed up on the “whit nestor tanks” post, but a few months back someone (Taco maybe?) popularized the matt tags and we’ve kept them around.
Due to school and band, by the time I was usually home/awake the next day, all the funny was gone and I also had nothing good to contribute. This weekend, however, we have no competitions, and so I’m here. Not so next weekend, because on Thursday the Band is leaving at really early O’Clock to head for Indianapolis to participate in the Bands of America Grand National Championships, and we’ll be arriving 12 to 14 hours after we leave. Then we leave right after it’s all over on Saturday night and arrive home between noon and three Sunday morning.
Between noon and three Sunday morning? Are you still a little tired, Astro?
Welcome back! And even if you think the good snark is taken, you can still check in and wave hi. Though if, due to that day’s disappearance of the line and/or anything else we have managed to confabulate, you prefer to do it from a distance, that’s OK. 8)
Well, leaving “right after it’s over” puts us leaving anywhere from midnight to 2 AM, and then traffic could do who knows what to our arrival time.
http://ysaclopedia.wikispaces.com/
Big smooches to HamCan, Miller Lite & the consequences be damned!
And congrats to Astro next weekend. I totally get what you mean about being quiet after all the snark is used up. Sometimes it’s enough just to explain to the fam why I’m crying & that I’m not sad.
And welcome back to KYouell, too! I meant to say that above.
Astro…. perhaps you could put an ad on CL for someone with a time machine, and then the band could arrive before they leave and then have time for sammichs.
Careful, otter! Last time we had a time machine here, well, let’s just say it’s an experience we won’t soon be able to keep covered up!
Now then, class. I feel really stupid putting myself in the box. So I need reassuring that it’s okay, or advice on which comment should have made the grade. And it’s not that I wanted to be in the box with Typo! If no comment hits me when I re-read them, I use the adores to guide me.
I’ll be back in a few hours to take my lumps.
Absolutely OK, Windy! Also makes up for all the times you should get punched but don’t.
I do know that I will arrive early so that I can be at the front of the line of those wishing to punch you this evening. See, I’ve got my sleeping bag, snack food, mp3 player for entertainment, and a Gatorade bottle (currently empty) so that I don’t need to get out of line for “personal reasons”.
Whoo-hoo, folks – we get to punch Windy!!
Windy punch sounds like a bean cocktail…
Of course it’s okay! You are “She Who Should Be Punched” today. I’ll go first :::sticks out tongue and winds up punching hand:::
I’m sure that if we could vote for who goes in the box, you would spend a lot more time in there. Go punch yourself! 😉
‘s ’bout damn time, missy! line up errbody…time to punch windy!!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Just a second, lemme get ready!
:fills sock with nickels:
Ooh, I wanna join in! Now… **hand in backpack, feeling around for something** just… …a… …second… aha! Here’s my **pulls out object** plutonium fist emulsifier†!
†I have no idea what a device so named would, in real life, accomplish, but it sounds kind of terrifying from where I’m sitting.
Sounds like one gooey plutonium fist from
where I’m sitting.
Hey!!! That’s not nice… I hate socks…
Don’t worry BD, I’m using wooden nickels.
Thanks, everyone! Let me go get my mask with the bull’s eye on it. *considers doing the Sally Field line, but changes mind*
“Yes, she’s been driving nails up her arms.”? That the one?
Uh, no, but thanks for the thought. 8)
You bet.
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their bees and punched each other.
TacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypoTacoTypo
Oooooh, that was fun! I’m exhausted, but it was strangely exciting!
These are not the TypoTaco’s I was looking for, check.
*Wanders off*
Taco! You aren’t scheduled to be here! 8) Glad you dropped in, any way. Come back later for the full frontal punch.
If you don’t believe this Typo is true,
Ask the Meat Drink, he saw it too.
Uh-Oh – there goes the style sheet…..
Awww, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
No style sheet, no problem!
Ok, I’m still seeing a forlron fellow from a few years ago.
He would push his rickety lawnmower, with a gas can on the back of the deck, up and down the various streets, to his clients. After about a month, he added a weedeater he carried slung over one shoulder.
Where you’d see him, there were some pretty big yards, much bigger than that 22″ wide mower would cut except over a long, long, long time.
Stopped seeing him after a while–dunno if he saved enough for a vehicle, or if maybe his mower broke or the like.
Maybe he moved, and posted a CL ad.
Wow, not many comments today. Then again, that’s all I could think of to say.
Perhaps a poem is what you need,
To spark the sweet creative seed.
(oh, that’s not a mixed metaphor. It’s at least a five and a half.)
I hope Edward Scissorhands answers this ad. That would be awesome.
I’d hire them.
And we’re back to ghost weekends. I’d have contributed more but I got paid yesterday and the department stores were calling my name. I spent most of the evening at a birthday dinner that involved five children (ages 4 through 12) and a chocolate sundae that contained at least a full gallon of ice cream. Needless to say, I’m happy to be childless.
Good, christina, all that sugar will give you extra energy to contribute tomorrow! 8)
Well, night-time football games make for oddd timing in my town. We meet up earlier for “stuff”–yet the game finishes much later.
We were eating breakfast after the game at near midnight last night.
When I got home, I wanted snark, but had none to offer, and it was nigh unto time to change all the stinking clocks anywho.
*Ouch! Squish! Ew, that’s gonna leave a mark* Thanks *grumble grumble* for all the *could have pulled a few of them* punches tonight!
TMagic, here’s your personalized Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Ukraine!
The best part about sending these in (and seeing them get chosen) is that the comments here are made of pure awesome! Thanks!