YSaC, Vol. 824: No house for you!
$1 Family of 6 looking for a home
We have 4 kids and are looking for a home that has at a minimum of 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a garage or basement.
Bonus rooms and extra rooms are encouraged as we have a big family and businesses we run out of the house. We would prefer to do rent to own or find a forclosure that needs a little work. We dont mind fixing up the house as we plan on being there for a while. Due to people not really checking credit, and just pocketing the money, we refuse to pay any application fees and your deposit needs to make sense. We don’t mind moving out of ###### but would like to stay at least 30 minutes away at most.
We have a pure breed chihuahua that we refuse to get rid of so your home must be pet friendly. She stays small and does her business outside. We are willing to pay between 900 and 1200 monthly. The home needs to be in a good neighborhood for kids. Please do not lie about the neighborhood to get rid of the house. We have dealt with that and are dealing with that where we are now. Section 8 homes are not acceptable. We are in need of a safe and dependable home and landlord in which we can depend on.
OK, now, I recognize that the housing market stinks right now, and it’s just barely possible that these chuckleheads may find a listing for a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with a garage or basement in their price range. (Why a garage OR a basement? Would they actually reject a house that had both?)
But let’s be honest – the credit market stinks even WORSE right now. People with credit scores higher than a perfect math SAT are still being told that they have about as much chance of getting a mortgage as they do of proving the Riemann Hypothesis while standing on a tightrope over a pit full of pointy sticks while juggling mackerel.
Can you imagine the reaction if you walked into a bank with this attitude? “I demand that you give me a loan with these terms. I will not pay an application fee, and that teller over there needs to feed me peeled grapes while you provide me with a pen filled with coelacanth ink to sign the documents.” If you’re going to try it, please let me know… I’ll bring popcorn.
Thanks for the laugh, MH!
How small does the dog stay? Pocket size would be about right for me.
Gonna stay away from the “snowbank” comments lest I enter “Troll Country”.
Spoil Sport! My editing gun is just itching for another encounter.
I was wondering about that as well. Is there some epidemic of ballooning chihuahuas of which I was previously unaware?
It could be a were-chihuahua.
Or maybe they metamorphize into Great Danes under special circumstances.
I would guess a combination of gamma rays and anger.
“Oh no! Miffy’s squeaky toy is missing! RUN!”
“Yip! Yip! Yi… ROAWR!!”
CHI-HULK SMASH!!!!
What an absolutely sucky curse to get hit with…
Sven: “For your betrayal of ancient Finnish customs, you will transform into a hideous beast at every full moon.”
Ole: “Hideous beast, eh?”
Sven: “With sharp fangs and a terrible temper.”
Ole: “Yeah, okay.”
Sven: “And fur!”
Ole: “So, a wolf, huh?”
Sven: “Not exactly.”
It’s an adjustable-rate chihuahua. It changes size depending on the prime rate.
Perhaps they think people wont know how big chihuahuas get…I mean, what with their minimal popularity, their use in only hundreds of commercials, some of which were for a movie exclusively about them….
How quickly you have forgotten about the herd of chihuahuas seen just behind my house only a few months ago. I’m telling you, when the chi-pocalypse occurs, I will be prepared. I hope you are too.
Yes, I too will be prepared, with a good bike and some strong leather boots. And a box of Milk-Bones.
So, Manda, you are saying they don’t get bigger, but they quickly multiply? Chi-pocalypse,* indeed!
*We don’t usually have a word of the day, but this one gets my vote.
Chi-pocalypse could definitely be a band name of the day. I’m thinking a hybrid between death metal and J-pop.
Rapidly procreating and yappy. Sounds like the end of the world to me.
Sounds like an all-girls high school to me.
I second Chi-pocalypse! I do word-of-the-day texts with the Eyebrow daughters from time to time and will send this one out today. See which one figures it out first. Had them all stumped with “segashuwate.” Apparently, none of them were up on their Oklahomanese (courtesy of Papa Eyebrows). Muahahah!
I’m working under the assumtion that because they didn’t spell it chiwawa, they pronounce it cha-hooah-hooah.
You don’t?? I almost always do…
Okay, you got me, I do as well. But the difference is we know better. I imagine anyone calasay enough to think they are going to get a $1200/mo. McMansion probably has no clue how to pronounce chihuahua and likely calls it their Taco Bell doggie.
I may have mentioned this before… but in the 1980s a band called Bow Wow Wow had a hit record in the UK, called Chihuahua. The word was sung several times in the chorus and was quite clear. One of our dimmer national radio djs (and believe me, there’s competition for that title) repeatedly pronounced the song title “chi-hoowa-hoowa” until a member of his crew told him, live on air, how it should be pronounced. So we were treated to him responding with “Really? What, like those little dogs? No – it isn’t, is it?” thus cementing his reputation as a total numpty.
Humpty Numpty sat on a Chihuahua and he went Weeeweeewee all the way home.
Bad Doggy! Go to my room!
And I’ll give myself 5 demerits for speeling assumption wrong whilst snarking about speeling. That’s what I get for trying to snark on the sly.
Wiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnndy *taptaptap* can I come out now?
I haz to pee.
Just for a wee bit.
Chi- Hooah-hooah! WKRP reference FTW!
Along with Chai Chai Rodri-gwez.
I’ve got just the place! It’s a cozy little manse on Fantasy Drive but it’s not quite ready yet. I’m just waiting for the new plesiosaur to arrive so I can replace the one in the moat. It clashes with the blue roses climbing the west turret.
Does it come with a free tattoo?
No, but I’ll throw in the leather living room set for another dollar. It’s real unicorn hide!
Sold!!! I love hiding Unicorns!!
Hide the unicorn sounds like a game I do not want to think about!
Sounds like you already did… 😉
Soooo…does this mean the unicorn is no longer viable and therefore we’re out of Skittles?
*slowly backs away from candy dish in the Snark Lounge*
**Loves playing “Hide the Unicorn”
So, this Plesiosaur, how many languages does it speak? And what does it fart?
It speaks Russian, French, Ancient Sumerian, and Greek.
:checks moat:
Currently it is farting bubbles.
Darn. I want one that speaks Foreignese, Boccie, Unblubalong, and Esperanto.
Is the plesiosaur fully licensed in the French culinary arts? Because, otherwise, this listing just isn’t up to my standards.
Not yet, but his sushi is the best in town!
Say what you want about how crappy the housing or credit markets are, but it’s clearly a buyer’s market for families. I mean look at that, $1 for a family of six is an absolute steal! Okay, so they’re a pretty demanding family with some unreasonable terms, but for a buck I could work with that and still come out way ahead, at least in the short term. I’d just have to sell them before they become unmanageable.
$1 is cheap, until the divorce…Which half can you do without
Mindfield or MindfieldI think I’d rather keep my mind. They can have the field. The top soil has all dried out and blown away anyhow. The only things that will grow there now are hardy weeds and teabaggers.
Sure, it looks like a good deal but once you factor in the vet visits and the cost of sprinkling all six, not to mention buying all those bags of kibble, it’s just not worth it.
Well, given that it’s just a temporary thing I could just buy the store-brand Costco stuff. I mean as long as I meet minimum nutritional standards. And I know a guy who used to be a vet (don’t ask why he isn’t anymore) who could probably get me their shots cheap. I probably won’t win any points with PETA but I only need them for a few weeks anyway to dig a moat around my backsplit and fill it with narwhals.
I’m down with the 6-piece family, but what sides do I get with that?
Can I getI demand the chili-cheese fries, but a fresh batch, and not fried in the same fryer where youdofry the fish. (I’m not saying “do the fish” in this crowd, what with all the flounder-fondling and such.) And make the chili vegetarian, with those white beans, not the brown beans.And what is the Reverend Al doing here again? I swear, this is the worst neighborhood…
God, I miss the editing. Guess it’s “tough noogies Tuesday”.
If you ask nicely one of the Supreme Editing Overlords can probably fix it.
That would be lovely.
**Reconsidering the wisdom of the whole “tank full of drmks” thing I said below…
Fixed that for you, despite the dunk tank.
Bees be upon you!
I’ve always wondered, what kind of bees? Yellow jackets? Honey bees? God forbid, Africanized honey bees?
Ford. Ford bees.
Bea Arthurs
Bee Arthurs are made of cardboard and are therefore false idols. Idolator!
* You know, “Idolator” always sounded like some sort of cool spiritual icon machine. Especially if you add “2000” after it and imagine it on a late night infomercial hosted by Mike Levey. (This really isn’t Billy Mays’ sort of gig.)
New Idolator from Ronco, just toss in your choice of materials and gilding and out pops a new god for you to worship.
Order now and you will receive one month of “Wrath of God” protection free!!!*
*Thereafter a $666 per month.
So the $1 family runs a business out of a home and they need “bonus” rooms, do they?
Wanna take any bets on the type of business?
Oh, hello line…yes, I’m sorry but it looks like you’re going to be in serious trouble very early this morning. Hey, don’t blame me! I didn’t write the ad, just interpreting.
I’m guessing they’re aristocrats.
I bet it’s the family of that “blueberry nicking girl” from the Willy Wonka movie.
Verruca Salt. 8) She put out some good music, too.
Thank you Windy, I was being lazy, sorry.
And yes!! I enjoy her music as well. Apparently that attitude is a catalyst to good music…
[corey/] Veruca Salt was the entitled little brat from Wonka, though the girl who turned into a blueberry was Violet Beauregard [/”Violet! You’re turning violet, Violet” corey]
Yes! The gum-chewing girl.
Yes, but Violet didn’t make music, before or after the Wonka incident. 8)
Oooh, I guess carnies!
No reason, I just like imagining a family of carnies turning their bonus room into a midway. The dunking booth can go in the bathroom!
Do they scrub the dunking booth, or just have one of those blue-water tablet thingies?
You mean one of those blue toilet mints? Next time I run a dunk tank I’m totally plorping in a few toilet mints.
Can you clean your hard drives by plorping those in hydrogen peroxide?
Mmmm…tasty!
I read this as “drmk tank”. EXCELLENT visual, especially combined with the whole “moat-full-of-narwhals” thing.
*bees be upon the whole tank of you
I guess…
A family of
“Midget Wrestlers”“Half Pint Brawlers!”Well if you want to go for the clean “home business” possibility, they’re still going to need a lot of electricity for the “grow lights.”
Don’t forget the automatic sprinkler system.
This would also be a “green” business. Probably can get federal funding to get it going.
There are some “fixer uppers” in Port-Au-Prince in their price range…
Hammy! He says not to lie about the neighborhood to get rid of the house! You might want to mention that PaP is not only out of #######, it’s in another country.
I dunno…I think PaP got pretty ###ed…
ok, completely [OT] but I find it interesting that you say “he”, because I got a distinct “she” vibe from the wording/tone. I wonder why that is…[/OT]
In my experience (admittedly, possibly colored by my profession), asshattish retentiveness of this nature seems to be more male in origin, so that’s my default guess. Also: it’s still grammatically if not politically correct to say “he” much in the same way as “mankind” is meant to be universally inclusive. Even if I came off as a raving feminist yesterday, I don’t get bent out of shape by allegedly noninclusive terms if it’s clear that no exclusion was intended.
Lola, you need to meet my boss. The woman’s photo is in the wiki under asschapeau ala femme.
Oh, and Mankind embraces woman. So said one of my early social services trainers. It’s a wonder the man didn’t get more sexual harassment complaints.
Windrose, I’ve worked for female asshats before (my first, and my last, jobs, respectively) so I totally believe you on that count, found their style more random than retentive. *shudders at memory*
Me, three. I am sure I have PTSD from my last psycho female boss. She was/is psycho in a way that would be much more obvious on a man. Yes, that is sexist but in a strange, backhanded way. I think women are sort of expected to be psycho at times. Which is wrong. IMHO, nobody gets to be psycho in the workplace. Zen, even keel. That is the rule. And when I find that job, I will park my rainbow-farting unicorn in my assigned parking spot and dip some nectar from the Fountain of Youth on my way in.
Luckily, my current female boss is psycho in a way I can work with. I actually like her, altho there are those in my department who do not. Probably because she likes me.
Windy, I didn’t realize you were down the coast. I thought we were neighbors. I was going to offer to go vandalize her office for you and then we could go out for tea. Oh, well.
**Pours out and hands Windy a nice cuppa
Have one on me.
What’s a few hundred miles between friends? The office is right in I-5 in Oceanside, not that far to go! I may be retiring in December, fingers crossed everyone! I keep thinking I might accidentally key her car on my way out. She drives a 2009 Mustang with the personalized plate that translates to SeaBiscuit. Very funny.
Seabiscuit?!!??! Insert your own ocean-themed golden lotus joke here.
As in the racehorse. And the movie of the same name. Forgot to thank you for the cuppa. Just what I needed in all this rain.
Ah, nice to be back. I was on vacation since the Friday before last, didn’t have a whole lot of time for my usual daily not-working-at-work routine, so it’s good to be back to the snarkfest. 😀
Welcome back you smiley-puppy, you!
There was a four bedroom fixer upper we came across in our house search last year that I think would be just for them. It’ll also keep the kids in line by terrorizing them and slowly devouring their souls. It’s those extra perks that really sell a house like that.
We didn’t buy it because it only had a 1 car garage. That and Zuul was staying in the loft attic and had a locked rent of $5. Everyone knows Zuul just helps himself to whatever is in the fridge.
That and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is always visiting and never seems to get the hints to ‘Go Home’!
If I owned a Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man I’d keep him in the yard; they’re just so hard to house train.
Then you would have a problem with ants.
And rain.
And possibly Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts looking to score some free s’mores.
Yeah, he’d get all sticky and covered with link.
I believe they are dry clean only too.
Yes, in Toco’s case the link would be massive…
*I meant lint!*
Who’s Toco? Taco’s South American relative?
That is the unedited version of Taco, usually we have to change bits to make him viewable by the under 18 crowd.
I’ve mentioned before that Tocco Magico is a line of hair color from Italy. Not too long ago I had a client ask for Taco Magico. I had a hard time keeping the laugh out of my voice.
Does that have something to do with velcro?
:giggle:
Taco has changeable bits. :snerk:
Well yeah, how else are you girls supposed to ride him like a horse?
*Goes to corner*
Does that make him a stallion, or a show pony?
*Hi Hammy!*
Jackass
:sigh:
[corey] Oh, how I wish this was an isolated case. I see at least a dozen Sparkies a week with an almost identical attitude.
“I belong to this bank! You have to give me a loan!”
No, no we don’t. Especially not if we just repossessed your car for non-payment.
(Completely true story. A woman applied for a car loan so she could buy a car to replace the one we had repossessed from her the day before. She could not understand why we wouldn’t give her a loan.) [/corey]
That right there is why we’re in a recession.
That’s also one of the reasons I get so many migraines – having to repress my smartass reflexes while trying to calmy explain over and over and over again that a bank is not a magical money factory makes my head hurt.
Wait… It’s not?!?!?! You’ve got a whole bunch of it back there in that vault thingie!!! Can’t you just go get me some and loan it to me for awhile?
Certainly, sir! Would you like that in the traditional sack with a dollar sign on the side or would you prefer to just swim around the vault like Scrooge McDuck and stuff your pockets full?
“I’d like 10 gold bricks, 3 pounds of diamonds, some top secret government files, the clues from The Da Vinci Code, and 3 million dollars, please. Oh, and I’d like it to go.”
“Thank you, pull around to the next window. Next!”
[petpeevecorey/matt]Entitlement attitudes got us here, keep us here, and are damned confused as to how to get us out of this hole. Hint..MORONS…if you find your ass in a hole…STOP.EFFIN.DIGGING.[/endpetpeevecorey/matt]
But it could lead to oil or gold CJ. I want oil or gold.
God love ya, SJ…I’m afraid I’d go all righteously-indignant on their asses.
You can bet that if I ever win the lottery I will have the best last day ever. It will be as epic as it will be brief.
Even before that silly show “Lottery Changed My Life” I had worked out that, were I to win the lottery, it would be a rather boring day.
There’d be the filing of the Irrevocable Trust, which would own the ticket; the filing the State papers so the Trust would be a registered employer. Then, starting in on IRS paperwork; all that before getting the employment contract so the Trust would then employ me for ever and ever . . .
Once all that setlled down, in 90-180 days, oh yeah, the State would start seeing Sales Tax revenues to offset that fat Lotto check.
Does not mean I’ve not had employers or clients both, who have not caused blissful day-dreaming of renvenge strategies in great and elaboarte detail–just that I’ve learned–the hard way–that they’ll crash just fine without my assistance. le Sigh.
Sounds equally boring as my plans for lottery winnings:
-Pay off some of my debt (the debt with the highest percentages), but keep some to maintain credit.
-Create a set of investment portfolios for my children for any money needs they might have at 18 (College, character building trips, business loans from daddy).
-Further diversify my investment portfolio.
-Buy a router table.
Yup, excitement galore. I might consider taking a week off of work to celebrate with some fine dinners, but other than that no big life changes I don’t think.
One thing my father drilled into me as a kid was the people who became successful and wealthy under their own power generally did so because they knew how to manage money and control their personal expenditures. This was driven home when I realized one of our neighbors was a dentist who’s annual worth was about 2.4 million dollars from his extensive practice. His house was a bit smaller than my parents’ and he drove a honda civic.
This is why I’ve grown up to be such a cheap penny-pincher.
Realistically I would go the boring route as well; meet with the financial planner,arrainge to pay off the medical bills of some family members, set up a trust, etc… but it’s nice to daydream.
Most of my last-day daydreams are fairly mild – I’d wear jeans (wearing anything denim is grounds for dismissal) and my oldest sneakers (ditto), chew gum at my desk (that’s a firing offense) and order a sandwich and eat it at my desk(also a firing offense).
I feel for you, SJ!
I’ve never thought about what I’d do if I won the lottery. Maybe because I’ve never bought a lottery ticket. That is a requirement for winning, right?
Crap! You have a BUY a lottery ticket too win?! No wonder ive never one. Forget that, I’ll just save the money, and get a few 49 cent cherry slurpee’s at [local gas-station]!
You’re so nice to me, Taco! Still trying to give me so many opportunities to edit.
Another reason to like Sarajean – she wins the lottery and the first thing she’s gonna do is buy a sammitch.
Dunno, dollar Lotto ticket probably healthier than the 79¢ cherriod slurpee . . .
But if you buy the Slurpee you actually get something for your money. (Brain freeze counts as “something”, right?)
I occasionally buy a ticket, if I happen to remember while I’m at the store. Since I possess basic math skills I know I have about as much chance of winning as I do of sprouting a pair of wings, but it’s nice to think about it.
Very true Capn, but the slurpee tastes better… most of the time.
As somebody who drinks maybe 1 soda a week (and usually only as something to mix with alcohol), I feel the occasional indulgence of huge amounts of high fructose corn syrup is manditory to meeting the required sugar intake as put forth by the national commision of consumer compliance.
Plus, I like fake cherry flavouring.
There is a Sonic just down the road from my house and I usually try to plan shopping trips on the weekend so I can stop there during Happy Hour, when drinks are half price. I get a Route 44 cherry limeade and that baby can last me for the rest of the week.
I like their blended coffee drinks.
Let me know if you find that surprising.
Well, if more of the red drinks had anything to do with actual red berries from the correct tree, that’d be different . . .
And, it’s not like you’re buying SnoBalz or Moon-Pies.
I’ve just felt guilty for getting pseudocoffee and realizing I could have had a lotto ticket and change to buy Tums instead. But, for such things, I limit myself to my local convenience shop keeper (who also sell my preferred brand of gasoline). Should the ticket come in, he gets 1%.
**clicks on the less than massive link making Taco red**
I prefer MUCKs.
Also, if I won the lottery (if I could win at the age of 15. What’s life without wild fantasies?), here’s what I would do:
Save enough to put me through college.
Buy my very own top-of-the-line concert Euphonium, as well as a copy of Finale 2011.
Buy a top-of-the-line gaming PC and some top-of-the-line software and games.
Split the rest between giving it to my parents and to the CHS Marching Band.
Well, NC probably says it’s illegal for you to be sold one. Does not prevent you from owning one (probably).
Trickier part would be cashing it in.
Which is where a Trust is handy. Trust is a person who is non-corporeal, it has no age. Depending on NC law, you could be a legitimate officer (or employee) of the Trust. Trust would “own” the ticket and handle procedes.
Trust could also do things like lease a Euphonium for 99 years for your personal use. Leasing the ‘puters and game interface also finanicially sensible, too. Also makes a spiffy way to take advantage of payment plans for college, too.
I played the lottery for a year during which I was unemployed.
I won a fat total of $9
When I figured in what I’d paid for a lottery tickets over the year… yes, lost much more money than gained.
A former truck driver where I currently work won a few million. He was a year away from retirement. He kept working for that year and didn’t do anything particularly special with the money other than to take his wife out to some nice dinners and shopping trips at Sears and Kohls.
I had roommates in the dark ages who had a plan. We played our numbers twice a week, put in a couple hundred, when we hit a win. It wasn’t a big one in the millions, we had like five out of seven or something, so we got maybe $4000. After taxes, and splitting three ways, I got a nice chunk of just over $1000. Got my first home computer with some of that money. But I have not won a penny since then. Not in groups, not alone. I think I used up all my lottery luck in that one win. 8)
Hey, I GIVE your bank 300$ a MONTH, so don’t try telling me I can’t have 14000$ to buy the new SeaDoo!!! I WANT MONEY!!!
Y’know [tired, been stomped-on by banks corey]
The banks are at some fault, too. Except that the real blame lies in DC.
They’ve been strangling the smaller, local, lenders over the last three years with the same regulations that the mega-monster lenders pretend to follow.
The pointy-haired types just do not “get” that local banks are the lifeblood of the small businesses which are 75% of American business–that pesky GDP thing. And, you cannot regulate a bank with a million in capital th same way you regulate one with billions.
I’m tired, too, of having to pitch my projects as profit centers for the banks instead of my customers. I’m really tired of meeting with loan officers who know less about both primary lending and secondary lending than I do. (Which makes it sore difficult when you have employed clients, with collateral, good credit, etc., and you have to explain why it is they should be elligble for secondary lending, if nothing else.
I’ve lost right at $38K (my end) in business this year alone to non-lending lenders (and that’s with qualified, to my reading, clients). Last year was not much better; only had 1 in 12 projects approved for lending, those, at an average of 72¢ to the dollar requested, too.
Deflation is not helping any, either.
[/corey]
Oh, look! Another career field I can’t go into because I’d smack someone upside the head with the Big Reality Whuppin’ Stick!
That’s why I love my YSaC. If it wasn’t for this I would probably be building a sniper’s nest on the roof.
I didn’t know snipers built nests! Do they lay eggs, or birth live young?
I think they spontaneously generate.
Does it have to be thirty minutes of driving time? ‘Cause if Sparky has access to a small airplane it would really open up his options. His expectations are still comepletely unreasonable, but at least he would be able to be disappointed in a much larger geographical area.
Well, it’s at least thirty minutes at most, so his options are still open.
(Either that, or exactly thirty minutes away. I’m not sure which.)
I can’t help but wonder if Sparky is going to drive to the prospective house with a stopwatch running.
“…And that’s thirty minutes. Stop the car.”
“What?”
“This is the thirty minute mark. Now, go get the house and put it right here.”
“This is a Starbucks.”
Entitlement much?
(I overslept today. I’m off to work now.)
[rant]Entitlement really pisses me off. As just one of many examples, when people see a long line of cars and they need to go to the same place as everybody in the line, they need to get in line like everybody else, not drive to the front of the line looking for a place to squeeze in. I got flipped off once because I wouldn’t let a guy in the right-turn only lane go straight in front of me because he didn’t want to wait like the rest of us. I could rant all day long about this, but I’ll spare this community of my righteous indignation.[\rant]
Speaking of ranting, I really want to rant about this:
It’s touching on one of my pet peeves. But it wouldn’t be funny. And I would have to disagree with Dan (bees be upon him). So I’m going to spare this community, too. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Oh..nooooooooo…no you don’t missy….this is too fraught with possibilities….
Do you have a fear of basements? Garages? Parking cars in garages? Parking garages in basements? High-rise buildings? The theory of Atlantis? Loch Ness?
WHAT??? I NEED to know!
Stephanae – that’s like ripping the last chapter out of a book!!!!
Tell us! Tell us now!
Or not. Whatever.
*sigh* Well, don’t say you weren’t warned. Apply corey, matt, or rant tags, as appropriate.
The thing that horrifies me is “and/or,” and I don’t enjoy snarks that are based on a restrictive use of those words, because I’ve spent way too much of my life editing “and/or” out of documents.
If someone actually has a four-bedroom house in the $900 to $1200 range, is for some insane reason interested in replying to this ad, and this cheap house actually has a garage and a basement, that person will reply to this ad. That is how the word “or” is supposed to work.
I’m not saying the ad isn’t snark-worthy for all sorts of reasons, many of which Dan (bees be upon him) aptly uncovered. (Although I do think that da has something to do with Integras.) I’m just saying that the usage of the word “or” wasn’t one of them.
Now snarking this phrase for a different reason makes sense to me. It sounds to me like what they want is storage space, unless they intend to park their cars in the basement. So why not specify that they want storage space? Would they not accept a house with a storage shed?
Okay, all done.
There, don’t you feel better?
Actually, I think it’s possible I felt better before ranting. I feel a little sick and exposed, now.
If it helps you can fill in for Izzy and correct my spelling and grammars for awhile. Me and him had a history of that.
That’s a kind offer, Taco. But I do not see nothing wrong with your spelling and/or grammars.
:gives Stephanae Pepto and extra sweater.
I found your argument perfectly reasonable and rational.
Perfectly reasonable or rational.
*Flees in terror*
And there’s the intentional meat pitch to get you swinging…
Huh? What’s wrong with that? 😉
Ok, I feel compelled to make a pedantic objection here.
It’s not “Entitlement” that is bad, it’s the undeserved entitlement that is objectionable.
After all, folks who scrimped up 20% down for their, within-their-means house, made the payments on time, saved money besides, and kept jobs and good credit ratings in this wretched economy–to my thinking, those folks are entitled to “something.”
But, not being boorish nabobs rudely ingoring social custom and even the illusion of politeness, they get pushed aside.
Oooh…the commute from work when I was pregnant had a long stretch of construction, and I would spend every drive home floating over the line and trying to piss off SUV drivers because I was SO freaking ANGRY that they were DOING that. (That was also the point in time when the little metal Saturn logo that cover the “press here for horn” place developed a rather deep dent…)
You both should stay out of Wisconsin or you’ll have some kind of aneurysm. Since I’ve already had my aneurysm I now live in a land of happiness and lollipops the fart bunnies.
In most states I’ve driven in it’s not legal to pass on the right at a stop sign or stop light, plus it seems to be universally known that doing so is extremely rude. In Wisconsin not only is it perfectly OK to pass on the right, but the roads are designed to account for it. They seem totally oblivious that they have made themselves the second rudest drivers in the country by enabling this behavior.
Skipping a 2 mile line of cars to squeeze in at the front and increase the delay of others? Why wouldn’t you?! Weaving around the lanes without blinkers in order to achieve a .2 second reduction in trip time? Makes life fun! Merging without looking? If they other guy doesn’t want to be hit, he’ll move! Turning on the inside or outside of somebody making a lefthand turn in a single turn lane? Of course, he’s being slow! Changing lanes in a multilane solid line turn? Of course, I want to be in the other lane anyway!
I see just about all of those weekly, and many of them multiple times daily.
Yet another reason not to visit the Land of Serial Killers and Strange Dairy Fetishes.
Sounds a lot like Northamptonshire. And Bristol. And Bedfordshire. And Essex. And Birmingham. Come to think of it, most of England.
That’s ’cause ya’ll drive on the wrong side of the road. It confuzzles people.
I saw a show on driving in India. Now that’s some terrifying stuff right there. I felt better about the driving conditions here for almost 2 days after that show.
After that two days I realized that “not as bad in comparison” can still be horrible.
I used to drive nothing but older (60s/70s) large cars with big beefy engines that I never painted other than with spray cans of primer. The “If he doesn’t want to get hit, he’ll move” theory didn’t work with me. My 76 Ranchero won’t dent much when you bounce your Nissan off of it…
And even though my 71 Camaro has a nice paint job on it now, I still “ride the line” like Kae described.
“Get in line beeshes!!!!”
My dad had a 1967 Ford Truck that was made out of steel I-beams that he used the same way.
The best ever was when the truck was hit with a minivan. The minivan was totaled and did about $4 in paint damage to the truck’s bumper.
I miss that truck.
I had a 1964 international travelall, once a Honda Accord rear ended me, I didn’t even notice till I started driving off with the thing stuck under my trailer hitch, I still wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for the dude running up to my open window screaming and a lot of cars honking at me…
I took one look at it and laughed (everyone was ok) and said, “It would have worn off eventually.”
One of the things I still want for driving around Houston is a used tow truck.
First off, even Houstonians yield to tow trucks (about the only vehicle they will, anymore*).
Second, even if some clown eating a foot-long chilli-cheese dog while gabbing on the phone (apparently Sonic requires one per freeway in Houston) drifts into you, they’ll bounce off.
Third, it would solve many Houston parking promblems–flip the flashers on an park half-on the sidewalk: Done.
__________________
*It’s been ilegal in Texas to not move a lane over, or reduce speed by 20mph if in lane adjacent to any emergency vehicle displaying flashing lights, and for nine years now. Houstonians don’t even slow for speed traps–there are too many speeders and not enough speed cops. And for $75 you can get speeding tickets dimissied in Harris Co. Was bad enough when it was just the cops, but now, they’ll pass FD equipment and Ambulances. Zombie Apocalypse, where are you?
Yeah, I actually smile inside when I get some asshat wearing nincompoop who pulls up in the right turn lane thinking he’s gonna guttersnipe me and go straight to avoid the line… “you gotta Hemi in that Nissan Altima pal? ‘Cause I got 350 horsepower says your gonna wait, or get behind me, at least…”
Then I pace him. I don’t blow his doors off, just go fast enough to stay beside him until he has to brake, to give the cars behind me a chance to catch up and shut him out too.
Ok, I guess sometimes I’m an a-hole…
If I didn’t know better I’d swear you were my Dad. He does the exact same thing.
Yeah, yeah, you guys in your trucks and big cars. Try my old commute. It wasn’t much different from what everyone above described, except that I was the person in the Pontiac Vibe, trying to block the asshats in their “Texas sized” trucks from pulling the jackass maneuvers. Mind, this was an hour to two hour commute each way in the DFW area, recently ranked #2 behind NYC as worst road rage in America. Do I regret taking a $5/hr pay cut to work in town? Not a freaking bit.
“proving the Riemann Hypothesis while standing on a tightrope over a pit full of pointy sticks while juggling mackerel.”
Why did it have to be mackerel? I was in the running until then, but those fish are slippery! Canaries, I can juggle. But fish, no way. And I so wanted that mortgage! Anyone got a spare $500,000 they can lend me on a fixed rate over 70 years?
Can you juggle goslings?
I can juggle 3 jobs, the checkbook, and family all while making dinner…. well, the bacon was a little crispier than usual but still…. can I get a loaner clone for a couple months?
Better make that 4 clones… don’t want to have too much wear and tear on them. 8)
Yeah, because if they’re leased clones, you could get upside down one use hours and owe a large penalty fee…
If it’s Ryan Gosling I will certainly give it my best effort. heh.heh.
No, but I like shuttles.
I read goslings as go-slings and wondered if this was some sort of fad toy like silly bands.
I need another cup of coffee.
Wouldn’t canaries just fly away?
Not if she uses
duckcanary tape.yes, I can find you several lenders, if you have $1,000,000 in secure collateral you’l sign over to the lenders for 75 years . . .
Uh, how about my collection of owl statues and my photo of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, signed by them?
Why would the bank want a photo of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, signed by a collection of owl statues?
Sad to say, but, if you can sell them for the million, or get them evaulated of insurance purposes, to $1.5 million, I probably could get you the $500K, and at only 6.7%
And Tankerbell just secured herself a spot on my stalking list.
Cool! Will you be in the bushes outside my windows? Which ones, so I can know where to face when undressing?
I’ll be over behind that blue pickup truck. Yeah, that one right there.
I love this part: “Due to people not really checking credit, and just pocketing the money, we refuse to pay any application fees.” Really, Sparky? Are you sure you’re not afraid of being rejected for your credit report again? Even though you’d be in really good company these days, as Dan points out?
I suspect it may reflect that they got fed up and moved out of places on bad terms with previous landlords/management and don’t want future landlords to know about their “midnight dash” proclivities.
Midnight Dash – is that Mrs. Dash’s competitor for late night snacking?
The secret’s out! Loan officers are really just pretending to check your credit; in reality they are checking their eBay bids, playing video poker, or surfing for tentacle porn while you sit there waiting.
“Damn I got outbid! I mean … Looks like there’s a small application fee, Mr McSparkcase. You can just make the check payable to cash.”
Isn’t that what everyone does at work?Yeah!! who could possibly get away with that???Application fee
For sale or free
We run a business you see
Growing marijuanee
And my dog don’t pee
Gimme Gimme Gimme*
*Help, I can’t stop rhyming with E*
Ham — I know the cure for that.
nvbnvnvbvbnvbnvbnvbn
Feeling better?
I feel so free
Oh no, not me
Please let me be!
nvbing no worky!
Ieeeeeeeeeeeeee
Hee Hee Hee.
I seem to be channeling Mr. Winkey.
Oh no, now it’s happening to mee!
All you have to do to save yourself is shave and wear t-shirts that cost more than $6, NMN. If you do that, you should be OK.
Huhwa?
But… the beard of mysteries is so liberating!
It’s untamed wilds are just full of scintillating new and wonderful things to discover!
**winks at Lola and NMN.**
Teehehheheheheheee….
They probably feel they have perfectly REASONABLE reasons for having a credit score of 40. I mean, it’s not THEIR fault the credit card companies don’t take payment in monogrammed novelty toilet paper holders!*
*Possible “home business”.
Many adores for the coelacanth reference. For some reason, I find them fascinating.
At least now I understand why they are so rare… all that ink and coelacanths never even read a newspaper!
I know – illiterate Lazarus taxa rabble.
It’s going to be another fishy day, isn’t it? I’m going to keep trying to infect us with flower references, though.
Chrysanthemums!
There ya go.
Thank you, SJ. Although, I don’t think you can make ink with chrysanthemums. You can, however, make yellow or orange pigment with Coreopsis, so maybe Sparky should demand that his contract be illuminated with Coreopsis gouache.
Yeah, I couldn’t think of any flowers you can make ink out of.
Hua Luo Han!
*sits on the fence*
I’d like to officially thank Cappy for having a cranky rant day, too. You made me feel much better!
Oops. That ended up in a strange place. Wonder how I managed to hit that reply button for this comment.
YSaC is haunted.
That means it’s worth more money, right?
Hey, where did this stuffed hawk thingie come from?
I don’t know, but put it next to the magic couch for now. Until it moves. Then hide it next to the unicorn.
My dolly says she wants to play with you all.
I guess I’ll go fill the tub.
I had to look up “Section 8 Housing,” but according to my mind, does this mean they don’t want their home to be easier to get and afford? Maybe I don’t fully understand.
Section 8 housing is where “those people” live.
You know what “those people” do.
Yeah, they do “that.”
Yeah, I hate it when “those” people do “that” thing with their blinds open.
No, it’s okay I already warned the line way up there.
You mean bring you banana bread when you move in, and help you scrub the spray paint off your vandalized car? Yep, “they” might do “that”.*
*May be actual experience.
Yes, that’s what I meant…they may also drive 40 miles in the dead of night to pick up you, your hubby, and all the Christmas presents you bought and stuffed in your dilapidated old van just as it finally gave up the ghost for the umpteenth time. Then they might loan you their beater car for a few days while you scrounge for enough money to get the van running again…and offer to watch the little ones for free while you get your lives back on track.*
*definitely a true story
Then…what’s the problem, then?
Well… You know what they say…
“They” don’t keep the hedges trimmed!!!! And “they” listen to “weird” music!!! And “they” look like people who would go to a Jeff Foxworthy show….HORRORS!!!!
And sometimes….”they” are a different color than “we” are!
Is that really that big of a problem? I don’t care about any of those things.
Smart guy!!!!
Are you young or Canadian? Or both?
I am young, and American. Why would being Canadian help?
Canadians are full of candy. No, that other thing…what’s it called?
Scotch, SJ, it’s called “scotch”.
Actually, it’s more like CC or Canadian Mist and Sprite <G>
I’ll step out here on a limp and wager NMN never winds up in a gated community with attitudes like that.
Hopefully, he’ll eschew a neighborhood with an HOA for similar reasons (replacing the gates and fences with megalomanaical busy-bodies is hardly an improvment).
In some fairness, there are some high-density Section 8 housing developments that would be an embarassment in Developing Nations–but, that is the fault of the slime-bag, clearly-criminal landlords more than the tenants.
Section 8 housing?
I prefer District 9 housing.
See, Astro, that’s what I thought of when I first read it.
You’re a better man than Sparky, NMN.
See, the real problem with Section 8 housing is that it is supposed to be affordable housing for low income people, however, it also attracts people like the poster of this ad, who likely allow their pure breed chihuahua to crap where itwants. Their children are likely the type who like to play games like “kick holes in the door” and “tourture the neighbor’s cat.” Of course, they aren’t poor, it’s not their fault they defaulted on their $500k house (how were they to know they couldn’t afford that on a single income of $30k a year?). So they do what comes naturally, which is look down their noses at everyone else living in the same Section 8 area without knowing a damned thing about their situation.
Whew! Sorry about the matt rant. My parents lived in the projects until I was in 1st grade, so I learned at a young age the difference between poor and trash.
My guess is that they don’t want to have neighbors of the sort who may qualify for public assistance of that nature.
Jinxies, Bianchi (in concept if not wording). Exactly.
Seriously, if you’re paying more than $900 for the house they’re describing in ######, you’re out of your mind.
LoL! In my town, not nearly as large as ######, $900 barely with rent a 2/2 duplex in our student-ghettos. An actual house, say, a 3/2 with a 1 car garage and a fenced backyard runs $1200 a month.
What sparky wants would run $16-1800 a month, unless they were good at animal husbandry, and wanted “ranch accomodations”–which are available a mere 30 minutes’ drive from town.
Sparky would be safe here though, don’t believe there are more than a dozen residential basements in the entire county <g>
*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!* backing up this truckload of doors for Dan for the use of the word “chuckleheads”.
What truckload? I asked for an air-lift of doors. Stupid delivery service.
MST3K created You collective heads of knuckle. I’ve always liked that.
Now get back into the theater you boobyhammers!
No! You can’t make me watch Mr. B Natural again! Haikiba!
Hmmm, I always thought they were screwed on…
What?
Stephanae:
I read that as “Mr. B au naturale”, which was odd, considering I associated Mr. B with MandaB there, and then… yeah.
CL is rampant with this type of attitude. My favorite are the ones “seeking” pets.
“I want a dog. Purebred white husky, with blue eyes ONLY. Must have all shots, be fixed and housebroken. Must be show quality. Must have papers and be registered with AKC. I will NOT pay a fee, so don’t even ask!!! I don’t have a car, so you’ll have to deliver it to my apartment, where I have no yard or outdoor access. And please have it here by 2pm today, because I’m giving as a present to my daughter and I told her it was coming. Don’t disappoint my kid!!!!! ”
And we’ve all read about the people demanding work done, or free cars. Sadly, I know people in life who could have written all these ads.
I’ve been very tempted in the past to post an ad just to see if someone will give me a free Not.A.Lion.
I’d be sore afraid they’d show up with a 340-350# feline needing 100-120# put on, and $10-15K in vet bills, permits, fines, trailers, crates and the like.
Almost nothing as expensive as a “free” pet.
Other than, oh, a “free” boat. Or a Plane.
Luckilly, there’s no such thing as a “free” helicopter; no one ever stops owing on one of those, even after a second or third crash…
Aw, man. Too bad this one is more than what they’re demanding, er, asking. The dog could fit in the cup holder.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=5460
“We don’t mind moving out of ###### but would like to stay at least 30 minutes away at most.”
… so, they want to stay exactly 30 minutes away? Does that account for traffic? Is 31 minutes OK?
Why is it so important to be only 30 minutes away from your old home? Is there something important hidden in that home? Something the police or FBI or CPS would like to know about?
They can only be 30 minutes away from the parole officer’s office.
Yeah, or the anklet goes off.
NO! I SAID 30 MINUTES AND I MEANT 30 MINUTES! Gosh, how hard is it to follow these SIMPLE requirements???!!!!
They do know Domino’s stopped that guaranteed delivery promotion, right?
Maybe they’d accept a 29- to 31-minute window, but I doubt it.
By the way, I’m glad you were able to come up with a snark for this, Ladycrim. That whole “at least . . . at most” thing just made me whimper.
Thanks. That just leaped out at me. “At least … at most? WHICH IS IT, ALREADY???”
Clearly Sparky is seeking a home in the Star Wars universe. Where else would they measure spatial distances in cronological terms?
I’m giving you Jim Morrison and friends for “fanny fedora”
Lots of So Cal is like that too, Cap. San Diego county, especially. I have to check Google Maps whenever I tell my auto insurance nice person how far I drive to work. It’s a 20 minute ride with no traffice. Going home is always 40 min plus.
Cap’n, you are right on with that description, but you forgot the other popular measure: beer.
I haven’t experienced this one myself, but when my sister was visiting, she asked how far Austin was from Ft. Worth and got an answer of “bout a 12 pack.”
PS: Dallas to Austin is only two hours if you’re starting the clock when you pass I-20 and end when traffic grinds to a halt near the north AUS suburbs.
Well, shoot, it’s not but 90 minutes from my door to Roundrock. Why it is that it takes most of another hour to go across RR620 remains beyond me.
That, and the Chilli Parlour and the Paramount are downtown, not in Roundrock–le sigh.
Shoot, I’d get to my folk’s house 45 minutes earlier if we get to measure “home in dallas” as I-20 <G> (having to go most of the way to 635 takes a bit, in a running demolition derby on Central, too)
Yep, I live way up north (near christina) and work in Oak Cliff. Whenever I’m asked about how far my commute is I always say…
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“Traffic”
“You mean it’s farther if there’s heavy traffic?”
“No, but it sure feels like it.”
That’s usually when I get the quizzical look and they give up. Mind you, it really isn’t that bad a commute. Straight down I-35, which at 05:30 is pretty empty. Coming home…sigh…different story, especially if I have to work late.
[ot]I’m getting sick of having to help people with the new “MyCleanPC” scam on TV, so I’ve put a chunk of information about it, as well as some options for people, on the forums.
Please people, if you see a dude on TV trying to convince you that your slow computer is riddled with viruses that your antivirus software has missed, treat him like you would tread somebody selling a miracle elixir out of the back of a van with the word “medacin” painted on it.
[ot]
I would hope my computer doesn’t have viruses in it, considering I just bought a new hard drive for it and installed it. Also, I always tell it to stay away from strange people on the street.
I soak my hard drives in hydrogen peroxide once a month to keep them clean.
Oh, is that a good way to get a MyCleanPC? I’ll have to try that.
I just stick mine in the dishwasher and set it on “potscrubber”.
There’s a shot for that, and a little blue pill that fixes the once a month problem…
Oh, meant to put this in TM’s Forum thread, but for those of you with laptops, check for “free wifi” as one of your network connections.
If you find that, please remove it. It started as a prank (probably) but is now an exploited weakness. MS keeps claiming to have a fix out (SP 3 for XP, is so alleged); but, really, they want you to buy a new ‘puter with 7 on-board rather than fix old problems. <grrrrr>
Dag-nabbit, “is not an” ought to read “is now an”
I fixed it for you, Cap. Now, about that $500000. . . 8)
Thank you kindly.
You just sign $1,000,000 over to me, and I’ll have you the half-mill before the end of the week. Promise. Just like Shearson-leeman.
“Cyber Snake Oil! Come and get it!”
“So, if I make this person drink this oil, will it make them stop lying?”
“Why, yes, good kind sir.”
“Okay, you drink it then.”
“I see no reason to-”
“Yeah, you’re lying.”
Oh, I saw that dude on TV. I scoffed and changed the channel.
That was the correct response.
The incorrect response (As evidenced by my co-worker’s wife) is:
OMG! I HAZ TEH VIRUSES! That nice man in a suit is trying to help me!
*Downloadzerz*
Yay scan! > Scanning! > Done. VIRUSES EVERYWHERE! THE WORLD ENDING!
$20! Cheap to save world from box of infection!
YAY COMPUTER BOX FIXED!
…
Why do I get all these popups when I open firefox? Honey, can you talk to Taco tomorrow and see what he thinks?
Taco the next day:
*Headdesk*
I love that word. Headdesk. It’s hilarious. And I can just imagine it as a verb, too.
http://headdesk.de/headdesk.jpg 🙂
Hear Hear!!!
As a computer security type, I get those calls/questions all the time as well… and the “emergency” calls about [insert antivirus popup warning du jour here] telling them that their computer is infected, and that they need to buy this A/V software to clean it… I carry an “emergency toolkit on a USB stick now. Thank God I have the wife trained at least…
I never investigated what all the “MyCleanPC” hoopla was actually selling, but I envisioned some yahoo in a timezone far, far away trying to remote into my computer and run some registry cleaners and AV scans.
Pshaw!! I fart in their general direction!!!
I don’t suppose you’d share the composition of that toolkit on the forums? I’m a big collector of toolkits, useful software, and other other such errata. Currently I’m in the process of developing a set of Freeware DVDs with different focuses that I can give people. I’m always picking security and IT guys’ brains for any software they have found that I don’t have yet.
So far I’ve got the rudiments of both a software DVD, A security DVD, and an toolkit DVD. This is, of course, in addition to my wide collection of boot-discs which I don’t usually give to my ‘clients’.
For my YSaC fambly? Assuredly! Mostly freeware and linux boot type stuff, some of which you covered, but I’ll pull it out and add to your forum post this evening. I have had to make F&F IT house calls (dinner and drinks after) to clean summa those scamware A/V fiascos…
Family of 6 looking for a home
*Anagram fun*
Flag leaf Mini Hoof York Moo (Small Canadian cow eats a peppermint patty)
Goofy Half Kimono Frame Oil (How to keep your Japanese dress from making funny sounds)
Fig Falafel Roomy Ohio Monk (He ate to many)
Glorify Elf Mafia Moon Hook (Santa’s “family” hates peter pan pirate)
Honky Fife Floor Olio Magma (Barney slips on a mixture of things and falls into a volcano)
<3
I want a pony. That farts rainbows. I only have fiddy cent.
I have narwhals. They fart herrings. Thirty-fie cent. Free horn cover.
I have a few lollipops that fart bunnies. Fourdy cent and I require 20% of all the soup you make with the bunnies.
I have an annoying sister for sale. She farts noxious gasses. You can take her for free.
No, scratch that, I’ll pay you.
Is that what dust bunnies do when they eat to many beanie babies?
I want a rainbow that farts ponies. Better ROI, that.
I want a fart that ponies up, talk about ROI…
I want a rainbow pony that farts Roy. Rogers, Clark, Keane, Orbison, doesn’t matter, they’ll all improve the value of a used family when I flip them.
Well, I hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but (no, not bubble butt) in a lot of areas in the country $900-$1200 is a perfectly acceptable rent for a 4 bedroom house with all the other “needs” this person listed. I live in Worcester, MA (aka the Sphincter of MA) for college and you can absolutely get this for $1200/mo and if you pay a little extra you can get your utilities included too. I’ve also lived in Springfield, MO where you could get all this for about $800, and I have other friends around the country that live in 4 bedroom house with a pool, sauna, and landscaped lawn for less than what I pay for a bitty 800 sq. ft. studio here.
And that, of course, makes their request to forgo a credit check perfectly acceptable.
I’ve rented 8 different apartments/houses in the last 5 years and I’ve never been asked for a credit check once. I don’t have a credit card, or any credit, and yet I always get approved for a place. Maybe this lady thinks it’s more of a big deal than it really is – I’m a broke college kid that moves around way too often and it’s never been an issue. In any event, I’ve rented from plenty of scumbags that I don’t doubt would take someone’s $25 for a credit check per person and pocket it, claiming “poor credit history” or something and denying their application.
What I do think is funny is that this lady had to mention she has a “purebreed” (at least it’s not purebread) Chihuahua that doesn’t get very big. As if it mattered if it was a mixed Chihuahua breed or that it would somehow grow to be a gigantic dog.
It may be a regional thing.
I’ve rented a few places and was always asked for a credit check, proof of employment, and one even required that I provide 2 living references. And we’re not talking upscale residentia here, we’re talking a run-down studio apartment for a poor college kid.
I’m glad I’m not renting anymore though. I’ve had it up to above my head in greasy landlords. Had one guy charge me for a sink that was damaged before I ever moved in, and because I didn’t have pictures of the damage from my move-in day there was nothing I could do but pay the jackass just to be done with it. The damage? Two barely visible melt marks from a curling iron. A curling iron that nobody living in that apparentment ever owned.
You think those are hard to get, try getting dead or Zomb references.
I had that too. I had a landlord that charged me for a cracked window that was broken when I moved in.
The worst part about that place was that I didn’t have any control over the heat, because I was renting an apartment above an office in a converted house. The same landlord used to turn off the heat on weekends, even during the winter. I was so happy to be moving out of that place that I let him take the payment for the window out of the security deposit just so I could move on.
I had eight months left on a lease when I decided to move in with the man who eventually became the father of my two children (wow, it would be nice to have tidy relationships with titles like “husband”) Since I didn’t want to take a credit hit, I bought out of my lease—25% of eight months’ rent.
I wasn’t particularly happy about it, but I was coping until they had the gall to also take $100 out of my security deposit because I had left a little soap scum on the bathtub’s soap holder.
I rented an apartment with a friend when i was around 19 or 20. When we moved out the landlord said no damage deposit because the paint was all chipped and peeling (Was chipped and peeling before we moved in) but we could have it back if we painted. (Paint would have cost as much as the deposit).
So we went down to the surplus store looking for really cheap paint…no luck except we found 5 gallons of boiler paint (Flat black) It was awfully dark in the apartment the day we moved out…We didn’t even ask for our deposit 🙂
Well, maybe it’s from being from a long-ago time, when a “big” deposit was $100.
From my experience with others, then with my own roommates, I pretty much presumed I was never seeing a depost check again. (It being a college town the nummber of landlords who just “pocketed” the check anyway, was appallingly high.)
Now, this can be a freeing mindset. Which confabulated guests after I’d donw things like build lofts, improved kitchens, modified pointless (to bachelors, anyway) dining areas and the like.
Some LL were cool with this, others not. Giving them the light fixtures replaced with ceiling fans or the like, so they were “ahead” on amenities seemed to help.
The “Whaddyathinkyoudoin!?!” types were answered “Not invoicing you for improvments you get to keep.”
Now that deposits are $500-1K and 1st & last month’s rent, that’d be a bit tougher. So glad to own a house.
Definitely regional. I paid 1 month deposit on every apartment or house I rented in NY, no credit check or appplications. In Dallas I never paid more than $200 for a deposit, if one was required at all, and always had to provide references, last three adresses and submit to both a credit and background check. My husband has a rent house here and doesn’t require either, though he’s only ever rented to people he knows.
Every apartment I looked at in NYC five years ago – and I definitely don’t live in a posh part – required a credit check if I wanted to rent. I also had a letter from my new employer stating both my employment and future income. $25 was fine as long as I didn’t have to pay broker’s fees. What a scam. They should be paid by the landlord out of my rent, not in addition to it, by the renter. It’s called “overhead,” you chiselling landlords!
/rant
I think the point, cyth, is not necessarily the asking price range, but rather the manner in which the person is doing it — demanding, rather than requesting.
Hey, you’re not green today.
Gray becomes you…or you became gray…something like that.
It’s because I’m not listed as the author of the post. If Dan was to post he would show up as greenish. (Which is weird, because I’ve never set that as a preference, and it looks strange with the rest of the colors in the theme. But whatever.)
I think the author should appear in a mintier shade of green.
I don’t think Sparky was half trying. Surely, she could have fit a few more prepositions into her phrase. Perhaps, “landlord in which to depend upon for.”
(Okay, “to” is not technically a preposition here.)
I think these people could make money advertising for freecreditreport.com
I can picture the credit report singer dude following them around…
Well, I married my dream girl
I married my dream girl
But she didn’t tell me her credit was bad
So now instead of living in a pleasant suburb
We’re living in the basement at her mom and dad’s
No we can’t get a loan
For a respectable home
Just because my girl defaulted on some old credit card
If we’d gone to free credit report dot com
I’d be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard.
You watch too much T.V. Then again, I knew the lyrics too, so I guess I watch T.V. too much as well.
**singing the song in my head**
In what state are chihuahuas allowed to run businesses?
Estado Chihuahua, just west of Estado Cohuila de Zaragosa, presumably.
Oh, wait, you meant in the US . . .
Probably in the state of disarray.
The Pharamcias in Disarray always seem to have poor inventories; the taquerias, similar–at least the cantinas had cervsa frio.
El frijoles don huevos malagueñas pequeniños salerosa tacquito.
Okay, now let me know if that stream of random (mostly) Spanish words actually means something.
The beans over eggs *something* small *something something.*
No, no, don’t eat dirty taquitos. Hammy has something else you can put in your mouth, I’m sure.
Does it come in a large package?
Depends on who you ask.
No, no, just more dirty taquitos…
Mrs. Cleaver died yesterday. Now Mr. Cunningham died today. I wonder if this is a sign. If anything happens to any of the above-ground Bradys, I am putting on my titanium anti-chi-pocalypse gear.
Well, Ward left us years ago, so at least they are together again. I was more of a Father Knows Best fan, myself.
As long as Beaver is still around I’m ok…
What?
I think these Sparkalators should get together with this guy.
It seems like the perfect marriage of personality types. Four bedrooms in 650 square feet sounds a bit crowded, though.
This guy instead
That is some seriousfacial hair. Is it me, or does the hair on his chin look like testicles? Probably it’s me.
I had to watch that again. I love this guy.
Say what?
Yeah, he pegged the “I’m a total LOON!” detector in the cave today, and his speech was oddly fitting for todays snark-O-rama.
For some reason, that reminds me of this video we watched in English class the other day.
W. T. F. Srsly. W. T. F.
Is this guy supposed to be serious, or…? And why the HELL were you watching it in English class? As a horrible warning of what can happen if you don’t pay attention?
So you don’t go through life with that question unanswered, we were watching videos to learn about coming up with creative titles after the teacher received a metric buttload of reports on The Metamorphosis entitled The Metamorphosis.
[off-topic work rant] I had a high fever last night/this morning but dragged myself to work anyway. There was no heat on despite only being 38 degrees. They say they aren’t gong to put any heat on until November because they are penny-pinching jerks… even though the company has made big profits this year.
So the fever got worse and I became quite delusional. At one point I demanded to know where my time-machine was. Luckily that’s not the kind of thing they’d fire people over; you can be as crazy as you want as long as you do your work, don’t get in a physical fight, don’t steal anything, and don’t stay out of work too many days without calling in with a valid excuse.
By the way, anyone seen my time-machine? [/feverish]
It’s in a blue box with a light over it–but, it just left, and there’s a “Donna” making all sorts of demands over in Accounting…
I miss Rose…
I miss Ten
Ten? I missed a season.
I hope you feel better now, Silva! Or at least will get to rest soon.
Thanks.
Man, if my boss could fire people for making random nonsensical statement, my whole department would be gone!
I hope you feel better, Silva, no job is worth your health, or your time machine.
Green fish cat skyscraper bologna.
IF is in the Golden Lotus. Again. See if you can decipher this one: Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, ######!
Nice lesson they’re teaching those four kids: “We want a house, it has to be EXACTLY how we want it, no we’re not going to negotiate, and it has to be in a minority-free neighborhood where the neighbors put up with our little yapper at all hours of the night, but it’s a *purebred* yapper which makes her yapping sound like classical clarinet and her shits smell like cinnamon rolls. And if we don’t get our way we’re going to throw a craigslist tantrum. MOOOOOOOOM!”
I may not live in #####, but my 1-bedroom apartment costs $1200/mo.
coelacanth ink. genius.