YSaC, Vol. 810: To WHAT?
2010 October 5
Maturity pants
IN GOOD CODITION. VERY NICE PANTS TO. FOR MORE INFORMATION YOU CAN CALL ME AT xxx xxx-xxxx.
I think maturity pants are those pants you get that have that “hidden elastic waistband”. Or maybe they’re the ones that have the built-in liners for the times you have those “Oops!” moments.
Luckily for me, I’m still wearing my IMmaturity pants. That’s right, I may have celebrated the multi-digit anniversary of my 29th birthday, but I’m still wearing the pants of a young girl. (And her mom wants them back! Ba-dum-ching.)
Shall we sing the praises of pants, ladies and gentlemen? Remember, the National Pant Association recommends that you wear your pants at least three times a day!
Thanks for the pants, Alison!
See, I’ve been telling my man person to “Put on your big boy pants and grow up.” Now I know why he can’t…he’s trying to sell them on CL, most likely for video game money.
Too many of my guy friends are like this. Money for rent? Barely. Money for bills and taxes? Just squeaking by. Money for food? No. Money for expensive videogames and the latest system? Yes, in abundance.
*SIGH*
And my mother wonders why I’m not married. It’s because I refuse to accept vows that include references to certain types of levels, points, etc. I don’t care if the guy is supposed to be semi-diety and immortal online, he still needs to pay his bills and dress like he gives a damn.
…. Oops, sorry, was I ranting? :/
/Rant/ I’m with you, Lola. The man person “pays the bills”. I put it like that because this month he pointed out that he had not paid the electric bill in two months, nor had he paid his car insurance, and he hoped the rent check didn’t bounce. Making twice as much as me, I don’t see how he can somehow not afford to pay these. The cable bill? Never late. And the same day he asked me to float him for a few days, he went out and could afford a 60$ game. I changed my mind about loaning the money to him after that./End Rant/
This (among other reasons) is why these guys are just friends and not boyfriends 😉
What game was it? It might be important.*
*To me, anyways.
I hear you, Silva. The straight guys in my life don’t want to grow up and/or be mature adults in the relationship sense, and the guy in my life who dresses well, saves money, comes to my house with food and kindness when I’m sick, and tells me I look lovely when I really make the effort is as gay as a lavender unicorn.
*le sigh*
Mmmm…
Ok, I can feel where you’re coming from, but the flip side (for some) is the hundreds of dollars spent at the Aveda store, the Clinique counters (gotta get the free stuff if I buy $xx.xx worth of stuff I’ll need eventually anyway!), hair salon, etc… I do not care what she wants, or how much it costs (within reason), as long as I get fair treatment.
[OT] I had to wait until I was in my 30s to even begin to play video games much (Uncle Sam doesn’t pay enough for Xboxen *and* family necessities), so the Mrs. didn’t have as much issue with what I spent (wasn’t much, I mostly wait until the cool games are at least a year old and are cheap) as how much time I spent playing… It was kinda funny though, I could spend hours watching TV, but 15 minutes into my military video game would garner the question “Are you playing that stupid video game again?!?!” [/OT]
Sorry ladies, speaking as a part-time video game player and full tme Aveda addict, Bombdude has a point. Of course, not paying bills yet still buying leisure items at will is not right. Luckily both hubby an I pay our bills and his hobbies are far more expensive than mine so he can’t complain. 🙂
I can see the point, if that was the case. Thing is, I’m a video game ADDICT. I just spent 11 + hours playing a game the other day, only to throw the controller when I got to the end of the game and it glitched. I gain much pleasure from the fact that my man person likes games so much, because he buys 99.9% of them. BUT, I would MUCH rather know that the electric, rent, ect. are paid BEFORE the games are bought, or INSTEAD OF if necessary. I don’t want to wind up picking the guy up off the side of the road because he got pulled over and had his tags taken away, and then loan him my car because he doesn’t “have the money” to pay the fines.*
*Absolutely a true story.
Oh, and I don’t spend any money on extras till the bills are paid, and the last thing I bought for myself was a 15$ shirt…after spending 2 hours in the store agonizing over whether or not I could afford it. Haven’t had a haircut in 3 months because they’re too expensive. Luckily, I still have a little bit of makeup saved from when I worked for the cosmetic companies. I know “need” from “want”, and cosmetics are NOT a “need”. Except mascara…I’ll buy me some 5$ mascara.
I’m with Meredith here – I economize or go without whenever possible, and I buy that stuff after the bills are taken care of, as with books and clothes. The comparison isn’t apples to apples; likewise, I don’t consider toiletries a “hobby.” More like “kind of needed to present the required professional appearance,” which is generally not the case with hobby-type items. I’m just saying.
Oh, and Lola, I do believe I may have wrangled the only straight lavender unicorn a while back…
1). Dresses well–check
2). Saves money–double check
3). Brings me food when sick–check, and tissues, and draws me a hot bath, and even once helped me dress when I was delirious? check check check.
4). Tells me I look lovely all the time, but also notices when I make an effort–super check.
Just goes to show ya, I can find a problem with anyone…even Prince Charming. :::sheesh::: :^/
I wonder if he’s still around???? hmmmmm…..
Prince Charming? I bet he died single. (Yes, I’ll totally admit to the capriciousness of women, myself included.)
Rethinking current dating life in three…two…o, oh shiny!
And coincidence of coincidences, who should just call me out of the blue, but PC himself. To “hang out” or not to “hang out” THAT is the question.
Speaking as someone who has been married, to a “responsible adult”, for 420 years, they are not all like that!!! I do have to admit, after having guys work for me for the last xx years, there are a lot of “work in progresses” out there.
You know what? I just have to reply to the video game conversation up there. I am interested in video games the most right now, and I just know that once it comes out I’m getting this.
Please watch that video if you can, if you are at work, do not because it is best with sound and I do not want anyone getting fired because of me.
NMN, it is your job to be interested in video games the most right now, and you are doing it very well. Mr. Tank is slightly north of 50 years old, and it’s cool that he is interested in video games. His son (my stepson – let’s call him the Tanklet) is 26 and it’s cool that he is, too. My nephews, all of whom are slightly younger than you, are all into them, and that’s cool too.
The only thing not cool would be if you were blowing off responsibilities like going to school and using money that really must go to something else to buy games, hardware, etc. So hopefully you’re not feeling like we’re slamming you. We’re not. You’re doing it right. And given the comments by our fellow snarkers, looks like you’re in good company in loving the gamer life, too.
Women love to complain about men. Some of it is real venting, but it’s also largely kind of a female bonding thing, and kind of a “oh, isn’t he so cute” thing.
“Women love to complain about men. Some of it is real venting, but it’s also largely kind of a female bonding thing, and kind of a “oh, isn’t he so cute” thing.”
Ewww, they do? Maybe that’s why I don’t have any women friends. :::mental run through::: Nope…not on…Oh, no, wait, ONE. I have ONE woman friend. But she’s like me…not exactly what you’d call “normal” as far as “girls” go.
I will say that if and when you move in with a significant other who is a non-gamer, invest in a good pair of headphones.
My dad (60) plays the same three racing (Grand Prix-style) games over and over again and has for years. I moved back home and into the rooms down the hall from his “game room” and I can hear him playing at night – “Vroooooom, VROOM, vroooooom, VR-VROOOOMM” etc… Guess what he’s getting for Christmas this year?
Gran Turismo 5? Motorstorm: Apocalypse? Oh right, headphones.
If I thought he’d play them I’d happily buy them for him, if for nothing else than to have a different “vroom” wake me up in the middle of the night.
You’re a gamer – are there any good new or newer racing games that are just racing? No cutscenes, no shooting, no story, just racing?
*See above link.*
I don’t see Link, I just see Ratchet.
Ohhhh…that link.
:click:
Hmmmmmmmm…I might have to look into that one.
Money for nothing? And your chicks for free.
Only the little yellow fuzzy ones…
The kind referenced in the song? You’ll pay for one way or another… 😉
Yes…. the chicks that come with nice big shiny door knockers.
Right!! gotta pay for them too!! And knockers don’t come cheap!!
“Very nice pants to.”
To what? What are these pants very nice for? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!
If I had to guess (And why not?) I would say they are waders for fishing. Why else would they be in good “codition”?
I don’t know, something seems fishy about that bassumption.
Bad pun. You were really floundering for something witty to say there, Meredith.
I think they’re magic pants from the Middle Ages—they have the ability to make your codpiece look “mature”.
Teehee. You said “codpiece” hehehehe
Why I find this even funnier than p**** (edited by request–see yesterday) I do not know. But it always elicits a giggle.
That sounds painful. I’ll try to remember to ask Grampdaddy — he’s very mature, oh wait….
How is “puppy” painful? Technically, “p****” could be any 5-letter word that starts with a p. I went with puppy.
You must be wearing your maturity pants.
ACG – Grampdaddy is “chronologically challenged” but believe me, no one would ever accuse him of being mature. Not a chance. 🙂
See, Manda, I thought he was “chronologically endowed”.
I’d prefer not to think of Grampdaddy’s endowments of any type, unless they involve the sort where I get a lot of money. Something tells me Grampmommy and MandaB would have something to say about that, so I’m just not going to think about it at all …
For the love of Spice Christ! Please, I do NOT want to discuss my father’s endowment in any way, shape, or form.
Does it have a way, shape or form worth discussing?
*fingers in eyes*
Lalalalala I can’t read you!
I never get to see him anymore since school started back up. He always gets on after the farmer in this Dell goes home. I miss his maturity, sense of fairness, and logic.
BWAHAHAHA….
How can you type with your fingers in your eyes, Manda?
Mudslicker — now you and I are going to get into trouble ’cause Manda’s going to tell Grampdaddy that we used his name and “mature” in the same sentence. You know how “sensitive” he is (no I didn’t mention any sensitive parts in any way, shape or form).
Oh, I won’t worry. If it comes back to haunt me, I’ll swear on a stack of waffles that I used the word manure.
Silly ACG.
Sorry to arrive late – a day with 50 first graders is like a day without sanity. Would you believe this is the sanest place I am ever in?
A few items concerning the above slew of comments, in no particular order:
1) “Mature Codpiece” – Please do not mention this again. Having inadvertently left fish in the back of a car during warm weather, I can assure you that no one wants a piece of old cod unless they have no sense of smell.
2) “Chronologically challenged” – makes it sound as if it requires more than showing up each morning. I believe the real problem occurs when one no longer makes a daily appearance. Tends to really limit the interactions with others.
3) “Chronologically endowed” – kind of nice to think that there is something big enough to attract attention, although I don’t think you can count the rings to see how old…. (Note to Lola – there is not a chance of financial endowment of any kind. My will identifies which of the five children will be responsible for which bills – kind of a reverse Lend-Lease program.)
I really take after Hemingway – “The Old Man Who Can’t See”
Grampdaddy,
Wasn’t thinking of it. I don’t want to get in the way of your grandchildren! Little Miss Ginger-With-Pants-on-Head is already formidable!
Actually, that comment came from some work I was doing this morning. Yet again, I did some searching so that a will/grant/trust/something/whatever could disburse its funding, with $XX,XXX going to the children/grandchildren of the person for whom I was originally searching. The partner who asked for assistance with this later followed up and said I’d helped make another family very happy.
That’s nice to hear, but this has happened enough that today I thought “When’s my turn?!?” It doesn’t have to be that amount, it could be in the low $XX,XXX!
Lola, you can have part of my share. Which bills would you like?
Manda, it’s a check I want, not a bill!
I know, but I don’t think that’s one of the choices. You can have 1/2 of whatever I get. 😀
Duh. Very nice pants to BE MATURE IN. (Oh, er…in which to be mature.)
You DO realize, kids, that these pants, being maturity pants, come ALLTHEWAYUPTOHERE. They make Ed Grimley look like he’s wearing hiphuggers. (Go ahead, Google Ed Grimley, I’ll just stare at this picture of Pat Sajak while I wait.)
Pat Sajak? Really? Hmm, not my thing, but to every man or woman..
He lives in my area, you know? Right down the street as a matter of fact. The man person regularly sees him shopping, and his wife is very nice.
I bet Pat buys a lot of Campbell’s Alphabet Soup–without the vowels—because they cost $250 each.
The other day my mother was complaining that they don’t make decent pants for mature women. While I understood her complaints, hiphuggers on a 58 year old women, even in great shape (mom’s a badass), are a bad choice, I still laughed when she went on to tell me about how much she hates “mom jeans”.
[fashionish corey] christina, tell her to get online – there’s heaps of companies which do kickasstastic jeans and other varieties of pants (even mature ones!) which are neither shapeless, elasticated monstrosities, nor hiphugging-slavishly-trendy-suitable-for-ages-12-to-15 ones. There’s a great range sold in a few stores here which lots of my friends’ mums adore, called “Not Your Daughter’s Jeans”.
Thanks for the advice, Jen! She’s far more likely to buy online than I am so she’ll appreciate it.
Poor guy. He’s all grown up, but has to sell his maturity pants so he can afford to buy a pair of those new fancy (but very necessary) grammar pants.
Similar to smarty pants?
ah, pants made of Smarties. from the Candy Necklace line of Halloween apparrel. Caution: Smartie Pants may lead to a condition called Sticky Buns.
AB, for under your Smarty Pants: Candy G-strings.
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:P4uJAFcbJ7HHIM:http://www.blavish.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/candy-g-string-9-25-2006.jpg&t=1
Candy G-string = high potential for yeast infection
*SQUICK*
This seems to be lady’s day, so I’m off to the range………
Yeah, well take the oven with you as well!!!
And don’t let the door hit me in the ass on the way out? I can take a hint. You girls have fun now……….
Noooooo! Leave the oven! How are we supposed to have girl talk without cupcakes and tea biscuits? Who’s gonna make the cupcakes?!?
I nominate Hammy and Gramps, here’s your aprons, boys.
I’d be a bit concerned with cupcakes from Hammy – he seems to want to cream-fill everything after using a bit of Pam. (I will not honor any request for information on which bit of Pam he uses.) I do know that he stuffs them from the bottom, so the filling drips out over time.
So, if you want “Ham-cakes”, be prepared for a wet spot.
I never cream fill cupcakes, only muffins…
Muffins are just ugly cupcakes
Ham-cakes are against my personal moral compass, and PAM is against, uh, my religion, yeah, that’s it, my religion. I’d let you make them, Grampdaddy, but I know how easy it would be for someone of your age to “accidentally” confuse chocolate and ex-lax. Maybe I’ll just make my own cupcakes.
Maybe it’s just me, but maybe Sparky meant “Very nice pants too.” Yeah, I know it’s funnier to think of it some other way. Just had to say it.
Pssst. Forgot your Corey tags. 😀
While we’re at it though, could Sparky have been more vague? Size, color, how many pairs, price? Do they come with the tickets??? I need answers!
Whew. Carry on.
If you were mature enough for these pants, you would already know.
As many doors as I could carry. ^_^
I’m maturity pantsless and proud of it!
Unfortunately, that could be taken two ways. One, it could mean you are past the maturity pants stage, in which case congratulations!
But…there’s another side. It could mean you are still in the maturity pants stage, but aren’t wearing any at the moment.
Just saying how things could be seen.
Manda, that comment is particularly amusing given that your avatar is wearing her (child’s) pants on her head!
Gracelynn is the poster child for immaturity pants! 🙂
NMN, we’ll never know, will we? MUAHAHAHAHA!
I thought Manda’s post read “I’m maturing pantsless and proud of it!” the first time I read it.
Hahaha! I love the fact that little Miss Formidable (per Lola) is named Gracelynn (beautiful). Very close to the name of youngest Eyebrow daughter (#3) and she was (is) oh-so-formidable in her own right. She was very cagey, however. She did not have red hair as a warning label.
How could I forget my Corey tags? I don’t know if that’s what Sparky meant. Aren’t Corey tags for when you actually know something? Not when you are hypothesizing? I’m confused……
I suppose so. I tend to think of any plausible explanation in Corey terms, but that may be just me. Either way, you’re doing good work here, NMN. Carry on!
I agree with Manda. In my mind*, corey tags are used when you are explaining something real or when you are giving Sparky the benfit of the doubt or positing a resonable, rational explination for the ad.
*Of course, the relationship between what’s in my mind and reality is, as facebook would say, complicated.
They might even come with cost pockets….
I’m sure if you buy the pants the pockets are included, so surely they cost something. 😉
*wanders off muttering about stupid typos*
There are no stupid typos, only …… wait, what?
Gracelynn is the poster child for immaturity pants!
Bull! Gracelynn is almost the most mature one – she does run the house…
You’re just jealous because no one thinks it’s cute when you wear your shorts on your head!
She does kind of have the rest of us wrapped around her finger and doing her bidding though, doesn’t she?
Hunh – nobody thinks it’s cute when they’re around my ankles either. Must be something about the presentation. You know, like in a high-class dining establishment – part of the experience is in the plating. Probably too late to work on that.
Ok, now I have an image of Grampdaddy with his shorts around his ankles in a high-class dining establishment.
No offence, Grampdaddy, but UGH!
MST3K FTW!!!!
Joel.
*sigh*
My day is complete.
Pants.
Say whaaaa?
Click on the *linky* Meredith.
What link?
The sing the praises of pants link that drmk was awesome enough to provide with her commentary.
Nothing better shows my taste than what I wear below my waist…
One of my fave MST3K moments. Yay!
We always appreciate your droll comments, NMN.
Very nice pants to enjoy quiet shirt time in? Wait, no, that doesn’t work with pants. Unless maturity pants are specially designed for that sort of thing. You know, with easy access hatch and absorbent upper liner or something.
To your first sentence: If they were jeans, ouch. Oh wait, you meant just wearing the pants? I was thinking something different….
Ya know, this mad me wonder about men going commando. Aren’t jeans a bit …chafe-y? That would be like wearing a wool sweater sans bra and jogging.
And here it was just yesterday we were talking about a nice game of Pants vs. Skins. How serendipitous.
If cricketers played without pants, I would watch. Of course, there are those moments when some bit of padding needs to be adjusted or changed during which most of them are perfectly happy to drop trou right in the middle of the pitch. (South Africans used to be particularly guilty of this. If I had a buck for every time I’ve seen a Pollock/Rhodes/Kallis/etc arse…)
Sorry, what were we talking about?
Hehe… and you didn’t even miss a beat on that thought from yesterday Reina. Love it.
I like how everything…EVERYTHING, comes back to cricket.
I’m sorry. I…have a problem.
I really, really need to take up watching cricket.
Hmm, how about cricket in kilts? I’d totally watch that. Of course, I’d watch nearly anything that involved men in kilts.
I like ping pong. Smaller paddles and balls.
Asians.
Reina, maybe you should start a blog so you could get this obsession out of your system. Oh, wait. . .8)
I know, I know. I barely have time to watch cricket these days, let alone write about it. Also one of my favourite Kiwis is on a horror streak, so I’m too depressed anyway.
Reina, you’re awesome! Thank you so much for the cricket corey, and for the links to the cricket montages! They were great. (Don’t know if you saw the part yesterday when SilvaNoir gave me a tank, so I morphed from AndieJD to Tankerbell.)
I don’t know what my coirker next door thinks when one minute there’s a cricket montage and the next minute the MST3K dudes are singing the praises of pants, but whatevs. I love YSaC.
Awww, thanks, honey! I’m glad you liked them. I play them when I’m feeling blue sometimes.
I hate it when Sparkies confuse CraigsList with Twitter.
You can use more than 140 characters! Go nuts!
Yes, but then we get posts that are the same 140 characters over and over and over…. and over…. and (passes out)…
I can’t think of what you mean.
Anybody know where I can find a ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER???
How can you stand to type that so many times? It hurts my eyes looking at it, and hurts my hands just thinking about it.
NMN: cut and paste. (ctrl + v)
If you stare long enough, you’ll see a sailboat.
I dunno, I see a chimminy.*
*If that seems random to you, this is how my mind works sometimes.
ROOFER = roof = top of building = chimney = chimminy.
No, it’s a schooner.
If it’s a ROOFER, it has to be a big 6 foot DOG!!!
*duh*
I see a shark fin…
Is there a key to these? Like with Rorschach blots?
I see a nekkid cricketer playing video games.
How did you know what Graeme Swann looks like?!
quietly goes into the corner to check my newly downloaded iFreud app — we are in trouble peeps.
I see happy little trees.
Being stabbed to death while yelling, “Et tu, Brute?”
Right, Astro – I saw happy little trees, too. And a really big, big bulldozer…
Tell your friends! Tell your neighbors! Cingular Go phone minutes! Free!
557 104 4305 is the code for free minutes. Enjoy!
[Edited by drmk: Smedley, if you’re a spambot I’mma kick your ass. I see that you posted something that makes this make sense (sort of), but this came THISCLOSE to being deleted.]
You should post them on CraigsList.
I bet a dollar it would get flagged as spam within five minutes.
Wait, I was just starting to believe that Smedley was real. Is he really just an advanced spambot? THEY HAVE ACHIEVED SENTIENCE!
That was not meant to imply that Smedley is a spam-bot but that most Sparkies would assume if someone was offering free minutes, even honestly, it must be a scam of some sort. I might be giving the general Sparky population too much credit though.
ooooooohhhhhhhh. Okay.
None of us are real Meredith. We’re merely shades. Nice, expensive Hunter Douglas shades. Plato taught me that.
We are all actually Meredith’s very silly imaginary friends.
Wait, what? Silva, you admit it? This IS just one of those wild dreams I have? I KNEW IT. YOU ARE ALL TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE (except NMN, who is evil). HOW WILL I ESCAPE????
I know…I have to go in The Room, don’t I? That’s why you guys are always trying to keep me out of there!!!
Oooh I’m evil. Cool. Evil guys get all the stuff.
Sorry, Meredith. I really am a small robot moose in a poncho who lives in your computer. Not imaginary.
I want to be a Tiffany shade…
*pouts*
Is that so you can sing in shopping malls Bombdude?
: : Tinkerbelle fairy wand wave : : Fine! Your new name is Tiffany!
I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!
Oh lord. This is not a pretty picture.
ooooh, I wanna be Charlotta.
I’m really a sheep that lives in the wainscoting.
Baaaa.
We’ve been sorely needing a MP reference. Thanks sj!!
Baaaaa….the sheep has a gun!
As the sheep raises the gun and sights through the computer monitor, a chronologically endowed gentlemen wanders out from the bezel and taps the gun barrel gently with his cane. “Get the hell off my lawn, you rotten kid!”, he bellows, not realizing it is a sheep, not a goat. Startled, the sheep drops the gun and bleats feet….. The old dude picks up the gun and walks away, mumbling about hunting with Dick Cheney.
Remind me never to ask you for the time…
I am merely a figment of your imaginary friend’s sock puppet’s dog’s imagination.
It’s a puzzle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a LOLWut?
All of this is no more than the side effect of a ‘shroom and nyqil smoothie that was left out a tad too long and develped a fascinating must . . .
Remind me never to ask you for the time…
But why? – Here, let me whip out my watch and show you.
*Gets out magnifying glass*
Awww, isn’t that cute! It’s say’s a gift to Gulliver from all his friends in Lilliput.
:phone rings:
Hello.
Yes, I’m inquiring about the pants you’re selling on Craigslist.
You mean the good codition maturity pants?
Ummm…yes, those are the ones…:silently wonders what other pants Sparky could be referring to I was wondering if you could possibly provide more details about them.
Why? Who wants to know?
Heh.heh..ermm….just someone who may be interested in buying them.
How do I know that? For all I know, you could be one of THEM!
I assure you, I am not one of THEM…or even one of US…I’m just..well, I’m just me.
Okaaaaayy…in that case, they’re maturity pants in good codition, and I might add, they are very nice to…
To what?
Why do you ask?
Umm…never mind….what size are they? And, how much are you asking for them?
I KNEW IT!! YOU ARE ONE OF THEM, AREN’T YOU??!!
*click*
“Do you own a small dog?”
I’ve been trying to figure out what you are referencing for the past hour and a half.
Also, where is Taco? It’s been awhile since I’ve seen him posting.
This is my fault. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I was getting a phone call everyday of a recording that asked, “Do you own a small dog?,” then silence and a click. Drmk told me this was a phone scam to get a recording of the word yes for my address, used for nefarious purposes.
Taco is on a two-week vacation.
Taco told us all that he was going to be gone (eating lots of mashed potatoes without gravy for some reason) for two weeks. This is Tuesday of the 2nd week. He shouldl be back next Monday.
And the “small dog” reference is a bow to sweet Innana who keeps being inundated by phone calls where all they would ask her was that question. She kept asking OT if anyone knew what it meant.
EDIT: Yeah, what Innana said.
She was referencing one of the regulars (sorry, can’t remember who) complaining about getting random phone calls recently asking that very same question and then hanging up.
Taco is on Vacation. He left during your HD outage…
Edit: Next time I’ll hit refresh when I take a few minutes to get a cuppa tea. Sorry for the redundant redundancy…
Oh I remember now. Why would they use that question? DO you own a small dog?
Thanks for the info on Taco.
I’m so flattered I’m being remembered!! No, fortunately I do not have a small dog or I might be banking with a loanshark right now.
I now get calls telling me xxxxx(mumble) credit union has cancelled my debit card and to press 1 to reinstate it.
And I wasn’t actually complaining … I just figured YSACers would have some imaginative and amusing theory about hte calls, and Taco did come up with something. (I miss him)
My apologies, Innana. I didn’t mean to assume you were complaining, that’s the word that came to mind as I imagined how I would feel after repetitive robocalls of a dubious/abstract nature.
Oh… he came up with “something” alright. It had to do with some Boris and Natasha 007 spy stuff. Something about pontooning when the cock crows 3 times.
I miss Taco too.
I own a small dog. Or possibly a small bear.
Now that I know six feet tall dogs exist, I guess I have three small dogs. Heck, I think I’ll go get a small Great Dane-St. Bernard mix.
If I remember correctly, Taco is in the Research Triangle.
**checks out window**
Yep, there’s the white van and the binoculars.
Ha, love it. “I am not one of THEM…or even one of US…” Doors.
Who told you about THEM? Can you see THEM?
I think they have medication for that now.
We are THEM
And They see YOU
(best be wearing your pants <G>)
(or the more photogenic bloomers)
have you noticed all the strange phone calls we’ve been getting here at YSaC lately
I like to call it the Bob Newhart influence.
Maturity pants
*Anangram fun*
Nutty Pastrami (Rocky mountain cold cuts?)
Try Mania Putts (Emulates Tiger)
Tut Martian Spy (So that’s how they built the pyramids)
Apian Tum Tryst (I love bees, but they give me heartburn)
Attain Pry Smut (Crowbar pron?)
*waving at Hammy*
Are you at a dog and pony show or jury duty? Or are they one and the same?
Hurry up and get back here.
Nah, just work…
(There’s about a dozen Naval officers wandering around my lab right now)*
*No, nothing to do with belly buttons or oranges, although oranges have a better sense of humor…
You really tried hard not to use the word seamen didn’t you?
I want naval officers wandering around MY lab!!!
I don’t need a lab, I’ll just take the officers.
Hell, I’ll take a noncom or three if you’ve got a few spares.
@ sj – I read that as “nomcom” and assumed you meant a comedy about cannibalism.
You know, logically.
Given what I’ve seen of current US TV shows between Netflix movies, that’s probably not far off.
Jen, wouldn’t that be a zom-rom-com? E.g., Shaun of the Dead?
Sorry to rain on the zomb parade, but seeing how zombies aren’t human, but eat human, I don’t think that could be considered cannibalism.
Band name of the day:
Zomb Parade
Jen – That.Is.Awesome. I’m totally going to use that from now on. You know, whenever I’m talking about a comedy about…Oh.
Oh, Sweet Clothspin Jebus.
*posts ad on CL*
rm4cc (robot moose for cannibal comedians)
Actors and cast needed for Titanic 3: Because They Taste Funny!
———————————————————————–
Megamonolith Pictures is holding an open casting call for TITANIC 3: Because They Taste Funny, a sequel to the blockbuster TITANIC 2: Mermaid Saviors, now in post-production. The film begins moments after the humans escape from the mermaids onto a desert island. Or is it? The island is inhabited with a race of cannibal comedian clowns, and epic hijinx ensue as the humans find out what the cannibals really mean when they “invite you out to dinner”!!!
Actors with previous comedy or cannibalism experience are highly desirable.
“Previous cannibalism experience?”
Well, you know, it was college. Everyone experiments, right?
And zombies _are_ human, they’re just diseased/magicked/possessed mildly-deceased humans (depending on your favourite flavour of zomb
What about the zombie squirrels, huh? They’re not human, they’re squirrels! How do they fit into all of this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE ZOMBIE SQUIRRELS!!
*Okay, switching to decaf in 3…2…1…
Do Zombie squirrels eat dead nuts?
I’m really trying very hard not to picture that. (I did get a giggle out of “mildly-deceased humans” though.)
:Sits rocking in the corner:
Can’t sleep, clown will eat me.
**whistles in the same manner as one would whistle to summon their dog**
Here Depressy, here boy!
Oh Hammy.
Well they can’t very well eat squirrel brains because from my lifetime of observing squirrels, they don’t have brains.
There’s on particularly crotchety squirrel that likes to argue with my youngest dog. The squirrel will chatter for a moment, then Sally barks, then the squirrel, then Sally. Unless I send her inside, this will go on all day. It would be cute, were it not a daily occurrence around 6:30 am.
As a founder and perpetual president of the International Society of Pantless Apartment Dwellers, I condone this ad and insist that maturity has no need of pants.
Also you beat me to the candy g-string by a leg.
Don’t you mean you codone this ad?
codiene? so those aren’t candies on that g-string? Om nom nom…. *yawn* ZZZzzzz….
Oxycodone or Hydrocodone?
If you already have one leg in them, please, by all means, they’re yours!
As a member of the Society Of Those Subjected To Views Of Pantless Apartment Dwellers Who Don’t Close Their Blinds, I ask on behalf of all members: Please, please, keep the maturity pants on till you close the drapes.
What she said. ^^^^
*claws at eyes after remembering*
Of course, there WAS that one buff Marine that lived right behind me when I was younger…..But I don’t think THAT was an accident.
Even my mom said, “I don’t approve, but I guess he knows he’s got NOTHING to be ashamed of.”
Why isn’t there some kind of approval process for the Pantless Apartment Dwellers?
Some of us are unwilling members of the Society of Wives of Nekkid Saturday Morning Video Game Players. Now, I love me some Mr. JD (I guess he’s Mr. Tank now) but Mr. Tank nekkid at the computer is not the same as, for example, one of Reina’s cricketers nekkid at the computer.
I am SOOOOO buying those maturity pants.
Once, when I was living with my now-ex, I opened the door for some kid with Domino’s coupons while now-ex was sitting on the couch, naked. He hid the goods behind his guitar, but that didn’t prevent the poor Domino’s coupon kid from getting an eyeful of large, hairy man.
In my defense, he was not a fan of clothing, so he often took off his clothes the instant he got home. I’d gotten so used to naked time by then that I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I was wearing clothes!
Hey, wait now, there really ought to be some percentage of UNG, if only so that the schitck on Friends will continue to make sense, and therefore be hilarious.
(Otherwise, what other reason to tape together the 40,000 Chinese take-away chopsticks together?)
I’m in the midst of rewatching Friends for the millionth time. You’d think I’d get sick of it, but nope, I still throw the DVDs on every few months.
I think ugly naked guy will make sense even if no one ever had to deal with such a neighbor ever again. 😉
I think I lived across from your society’s president. He proclaimed his membership by regularly flashing me first thing in the morning … some things you can’t unsee.
Hmmm, strange, Lita *is* the president. So Lita? Were *you* flashing Lola??
Only if Litarider is male and Russian* and does it totally on purpose first thing in the morning when her wife is asleep.
*henceforth referred to as “Pervski”
I live in the woods. I’d LOVE to see THAT view of nature for a change (provided that my neighbor across the way is Johnny Depp and not Danny DeVito)!
All I get are stupid nekkid deer, rabbits and
squidsquirrels.You have
squidin your woods? Lucky you!You do realize how rare the nekkid squid is, don’t you? I mean, the last time a squid-a-terra sighting was confirmed was…well, it was a long time ago I can assure you.
I may have an old mimeograph on building a trap to catch one of those creatures around here somewhere…
:rummages through piles of papers on the desk, floor, cat:
Here it is…now, let’s see…you’ll need a milk crate, string, a y-shaped stick, and rhubarb jello as bait…oh, wait..you’ll need a flask, too.
The flask? Hmm…let’s see..oh yes, it says right here the flask is for you, to help the time pass as you wait.
Of course, you must post pictures…because you know the rules, without pictures it don’t happen…
All I get are golfers. Some of them drunk and peeing in my yard.*
Oh, and the occasional pack of runaway chihuahuas.**
*Sadly this is true.
**This is also true, but far more amusing.
Well, I definitely know where to get the flask from!
:: looks over at Lola ::
I think I might need the
idiocyexpertise of that tool from Destination Truth for the video documentation of the rare cryptobiologic nekkid wood nymph squid-a-terra in my local ecosystem. [However, it apparently “never happens” on Destination Truth because they never seem to be able to get pictures]Know anyone I can borrow some squid-camo from?
You have a pack of chihuahuas in your neighborhood? Are they feral?!?
***Shudders at the thought of a pack of feral chihuahuas, yapping and yapping and yapping and yapping and insisting they quiero Taco Bell***
Someone across the way raises them, and not well. It isn’t uncommon to hear them barking and whining for hours on end. 🙁
One day it seemed noisier than usual and I looked out the window to see half a dozen chihuahuas hauling ass down the middle of the fairway. Funniest sight in the 5 years we’ve lived here.
yipyipyipyipyip”FORE!”yipyipyipyipyi- (thock!)
lol
That’s “queremos Taco Bell” (WE want Taco Bell).
Well, it is if you assume that they are a cohesive unit. Yapping for the good of the group, rather than each for himself. Somehow I am not quite willing to make that assumption.
I thought it would be “querimos Taco Bell?”
Since they are “hauling ass down the middle of the fairway”, I think it would be “donde esta
la bibliotecael Taco Bell?”.I prefer to use quierocito Taco Bell. I only want it a little bit.
And yes, NMN, you are correct with the 3rd person plural conjugation—but you dropped an “i”.
I’d like to inform you, MandaB, that you are now in my favorite quotes section on Facebook.
The fact that I am musically challenged even after nine years of accordion lessons already having been established, I keep thinking there are songs about pants out there somewhere. Somebody help me??
Why are there not any songs about pa-ants?
and what’s on the i-inside?
Pants cover up alot that neighbors can’t unsee
And Pervski’s not trying to hide
So we’ve been told and some choose to believe it
But I know they’re wrong wait and see
Someday we’ll find it, the pa-ants connection
The Sparkies, the Pervskis and me.
Thanks Andi- er, Tankerbell.
Somewhere a lavender unicorn just farted.
Oh, is *that* why it smells like Chanel No. 5 in here?
I would have thought unicorn farts smelled more like Love’s Baby Soft or something by Bonnie Bell.
Adores Andie. This was particularly funny because I spent a large portion of my toddler years confused as to why some Muppets and cartoon characters went pantsless and others didn’t. I also had nightmares about Sesame Street, I was a bit odd.
Would you like the lyrics to The Pants Rock Opera, by Five Iron Frenzy? It includes opera, country, metal…..
http://www.tsrocks.com/f/five_iron_frenzy_texts/the_pants_rock_opera.html
Here’s another one for you, Archie.
href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loHdUFK4Shk”
edit: whoops, still can’t do links right…
I’ll fix it for you, Spacebug.
Spacebug’s link.
If I had the time right now (and sadly, I don’t) I would write you a Joe Cocker song “You Can Leave Your Pants On” and Men without Hats “Safety Pants”. Perhaps if everyone (including the TWO bonus babies today) naps, I will be able to. If not, I hope someone else will run with it!
How you keep winding up with bonus babies? And are there currently armed men looking for you and these “bonus babies”???
Magic.
I was told that is how babby is formed, too! You sure can make them a lot faster than most women I know, Manda! Bravo!
Yeah, Manda, if this keeps up, you might have to start looking into babby storage. I’m envisioning something like a slightly oversized wine rack. Maybe a nice built-in.
They’re on loan a couple of days a week. I couldn’t handle 5 under the age of 5 daily (but I have a good friend who does have 5 under 4!) Bonus baby #1 has been here since 6:30 this morning. Bonus baby #2 is arriving in about 15 minutes.
Safety Pants lyric:
“… And if you don’t pants, then you’re no friends of mine.”
Hey, I don’t care what my neighbors get up to when they’re not at my house, but I want my neighbors to pants all the time.
Ugh, that should read “I don’t care what my friends get up to when they’re not at my house, but I want my neighbors to wear pants all the time.
Geesh, I hate it when work gets in the way of commenting.
Lola, I kinda liked it best the way you said it. I want my neighbors to pants all the time, too.
I like it better that way too.
And I’ll add a little ditty by David Bowie:
Dance magic dance, in my pants magic pant!
Manda — be careful, I always end up with “
bogusbonus teenagers”.Bonus teenagers ARE dangerous! They can eat a month’s worth of groceries in a single sitting if you’re not careful.
You’re right — it all started when I used to have “bonus toddlers”.
Uncle Google directs me to the web site songstowearpantsto.com. http://www.songstowearpantsto.com/
Now my brain is off on a tangent. It’s thinking about he Lovage album: “Music to make love to your old lady by”.
I think I shall begin a music collection based solely on the “Music/Songs/Sounds to X X by/to/with” query. Should be a fun playlist.
When you’ve completed this playlist, I’d love to see what you came up with.
Thanks everyone! I now have a number of earworms from which to choose.
*skips away merrily*
*snort*
Disney should make that into a cartoon.
101 Feral Chihuahuas
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!!!
I think that would have more success as a documentary.
“And here we have the alpha chihuahua working with the rest of the pack to bring down a creature many, many, many times larger than a single one of them: a golden retriever.”
Not the golden! Not the golden!!!
NOooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Didn’t they do that scene in Milo and Otis…?
That must be in the Director’s Cut.
I think you can only find it with a DVD easter egg.
Feral chihuahua on a golf course?
Does that not suggest some spindle-legged duffer being “pants-ed” by tuiny yipping dogs?
I saw his shadow crawl up the frosted windows bracketing my front door and anticipated the knock, which resonated fast and confident. They were here. A week of anxious waiting were about to disappear like sunlight burning away a dense fog. I leaped out of my seat and jumped up and down, excitedly clapping my hands together as if to banish the oppressive silence that restrained my joy.
I rushed over to the door and peered through the peekhole, just to be sure; the bulbous, fish-eyed face of the mailman stood just beyond, his comically prodigious nose seeming to point straight at me as if accusing me of something heinous. I giggled briefly before unlatching the chain, turning the deadbolt, and yanking the door open with such force that strands of his hair tried to invite themselves in. His lensed face and accusatory nose reminded me that I still needed to replace that broken peekhole.
“Package for Mr. Boldrump,” called the mailman as if trying to catch the attention of someone at the far end of the hallway.
“That’s me! That’s me!” I repeated with barely-checked enthusiasm, just to make sure he understood that I was, in fact, the man he was looking for.
“Sign here,” the mailman said, handing me an electronic pad with lots of buttons, and a stylus with which to autograph the black rectangular area at the bottom. I scrawled my John Hancock as best I could, though my hands were quivering with delight, and examining the pixellated signature on the pad’s screen revealed that I appeared to have written “Smut Foldcrud.” At least I got the Smut right.
“Here you go,” said the mailman as he proffered a box, which I snatched greedily before slamming the door in his face. The thump just beyond barely registered.
It was brown cardboard, looked fairly beaten up, and appeared to have an oil stain over one corner. But it didn’t matter. It wasn’t fragile. I swiped off the Duplo blocks from my coffee table — the fire station that I was building just didn’t matter anymore — and ran over to grab a box cutter, which I used to make quick work of the tape that held the box closed. Upon spreading open the flaps I beheld the object of my fervent desire: The pants. The pants. The maturity pants. The maturity pants. The pants of maturity. They were here, and they were mine. Finally, really, truly mine.
“Mine!” I crowed, giggling madly.
They were folded neatly in the box. The brass buttons of the fly were dark and tarnished with age, and the stitching was fraying at parts. One of the belt loops had detached from the waistband at the top. There was a small, frayed hole starting in the corner of one pocket, and what looked like a mustard stain on the inner thigh. At least, it tasted like mustard.
They were perfect.
Finally tearing my eyes off the prize, I stood and quickly removed my own trousers; my Spongebob underwear caught my eye, and I briefly lamented that they would need to go soon. I grabbed the pants from the box, let them unfold to the ground, and stepped into them one leg at a time. Each button of the fly that I did up suddenly filled me with … a sense. A sense of something. I grew ever stronger as I fed each button through its matching eyelet, and in a moment, I was done.
It was done.
I felt … different. New. Mature. A man. I had a sudden desire to grill a steak and nail it to something. I wanted to watch Law & Order instead of The Suite Life. I thought Justin Beiber was a talentless hack that sounds like a girl — although to be fair that much hadn’t changed. I wanted to go for a jog — because suddenly I appeared to have love handles that needed working off. Love handles that were attached to a ponderous, jiggling belly. I wanted to balance my chequebook, until I realized how much money I owed and no longer felt like doing that lest I become depressed. Or more depressed, as it turned out, as I was also pretty upset that I was still single. And my house had a second mortgage on it. And my credit cards were maxed. And what the hell is that smell?! Oh, yes. My armpits. There’s that, too. And my car was a rusting pile of fail.
And that’s when I realized: These pants suck. Why the hell did I waste $20 on these stupid things? I’m such an idiot. The pants came off, and after putting my old back ones on, I was very interested again in finishing off my fire station.
God>, I love Duplo.
I love you, Mindfield. There aren’t enough doors in the world.
I am sooooooooo glad I’m alone in the office today, because “Boldrump” reduced me to tears…
So many doors, so little time…
Smut Foldcrud did me in.
Unfortunately, this sounded too much like “reading” short stories….John Updike….Conrad Aiken….*steamy pile of Ugh*
Silent Pants. Secret Pants.
Thanks Mindfield for reducing me to “thinking”.
That’s the point where I lost it and started making these strange honking sounds like a suffocating goose as I tried (and failed) to hold in my laughter.
SJ…once again I wipe the tears….sheesh….*chortle*..*snort*
honking sounds like a suffocating goose… elicited the squeaky laugh. The one where I’m laughing so hard I’m no longer inhaling, so I try to get more air in the middle of laughing and let out this high-pitched “EEEEEEEE!” sound. Of course, this almost always occurs when I’m already laughing at something (here, Mindfield’s story) and then something else sends me over the edge.
Usually the harder I try to stop laughing, the funnier I find the sounds I’m making, which makes me laugh even harder, creating a vicious cycle that only stops when I run out of oxygen.
I propose we put this little gem into the forums [Subject: Anthology (?)]. A prose collection of sorts.
Astro’s screenplay, Taco’s crazy candy/horror/zombie dream, etc.
Once again Smiley Dog, your masterpiece is the highlight of my day. A brazillion doors to you.
That was brilliant.
“I had a sudden desire to grill a steak and nail it to something.” Bwhahahahahaaaa.
It reminded me a bit of the writings of one Tycho Brahe, of Penny Arcade fame:http: http://www.penny-arcade.com
Yeah, I skip right past all those literary schmucks and go right for the big guns…the gaming blog writers. You’re there among REAL genius, my friend.
Beautiful Smut.
Wait..was that “Beautiful, Smut” or “Beautiful Smut”? Cuz, either way works when you get right down to it.
I choose….both.
Having read this to the entire office and yard staff here and reduced them to inarticulate groans and copious tears, it is apparent that no more sh!t will get spread in Sonoma today. The town and surrounding community thanks you!
Aw, thanks guys ‘n gals. I love this place. People can read! 😀 Plus, I get to exercise my snark and occasionally bust out a little purple prose. Or blue prose, maybe. I like blue better. Purple clashes with my shoes.
@mudslicker – Oh! There are forums. Right there under the “forums” button that I’ve seen every day but never paid attention to. I should click on it.
@Meredith – Ah yes, Penny Arcade. Animating the life of us geeks one panel at a time. It’s one of my favourite web comics, along with xkcd, SMBC, and Two Lumps. I am flattered to be counted among such literary luminaries. 🙂
@ArchedEyebrows – I’m glad they enjoyed it, but I didn’t mean to induce constipation. A little Ex-Lax will clear that right up. Or five minutes of Glenn Beck’s show, but that might make you want to hurl the results at the TV, so proceed with caution. And a tarp.
Mindfield, I just wanna let you know that you win.
Simple as that.
Oh no, Mindfield, no constipation involved. It is really spread in these parts. Right now, it (dairy cow created) is being spread on the fields, then it will be disked in and a feed crop will be planted. Imparts a wonderful ambience to coincide with the harvesting of grapes which is also in full swing. Wouldn’t want to stop the wine-making process, now would we? Yay champagne! Later, another variety will be spread on the vineyards to ensure a bountiful crop next year.
I’m afraid that was a lame joke. I figured it had something to do with fertilizer, but I’ve never been one to pass on an opportunity to deliberately misunderstand something. Even poorly. Especially if I’ve had too much wine. 🙂
Mindfield, I’m late to this party, but it was worth the wait! Please tell me you are a prolific novelist and you have at least 40 books I can snatch up off of Amazon right now! If not, please start, right now!
Thank you! I’d love to oblige — I’ve fancied the idea of writing a book or three many times over the years, but alas I have never finished one. I’ve managed to busy myself dipping my hands into other pies for a living; right now that would be writing game soundtracks when I’m not working my incredibly pedestrian day job as a desk jockey, so that sort of occupies a lot of my time. I think one day I would like to actually finish a book. And then I might read another! Er, I mean write. Or maybe short stories. That seems to suit my attention span these days. 🙂 That’s kind of my problem. I was born of two highly creative parents; my mother a wonderful artist and jewelry designer (but unfortunately a real flake, I’m afraid), and my father a jazz musician, so I ended up with entirely more creative genetics than is probably healthy. The result has been that I have a great deal of things I love to do and can never settle down and pick one to make a career out of.
Jack of all trades, master of bate. Professionally speaking. 😀
I know the feeling. I’ve been not writing a couple books for decades. Please do more of these, if the mood strikes and you have the time. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time, which is saying something because I waste all of my free time here.
I suspect I’ll be spinning more little yarns as the situation calls for it. I’m sure there are a million stories on the naked Craigslist. I’m not sure what I could do with a Rose-coloured tarangula, though, but it would probably be Lovecraftian.
Maturity
By: Billy Joeldache
If you search for older pants
it isn’t hard to find.
You can have the jorts you need to jive.
But if you look for youthful pants
You might have swell be behind.
It always squeezes into the Levis.
Maturity is such a phony word.
Everyone is so incontinent.
Maturity is hardly ever heard.
Mostly they call you an old fart.
I can always find some pants
Made of spandex.
If I wear my dessert out on my hips.
But I really want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
I don’t want someone to tell me my butt’s big.
Maturity is such a phony word.
Everyone is so incontinent.
Maturity is hardly ever heard.
Mostly they call you an old fart.
I can find some Dockers.
I can find some slacks.
I can have a button fly or zipper at the end.
Anyone is comfortable to me
with a cotton blend.
I know, I know.
When I pee inside of them
don’t be too concerned.
I won’t ask for nothin’ while I’m going.
But when I want privacy
tell me where else can I turn.
Because you’re the one I Depends upon.
Maturity is such a phony word.
Everyone is so incontinent.
Maturity is hardly ever heard.
Mostly they call you an old fart.
Holy frakin sharkbait. That is impressive.
Geez. You must have had something on your mind for a long, loooong time.
Nah, I’ve made up my own lyrics to songs (And words to poems, books, movies etc.) since I was a little pork chop. It’s a little more fun when I have to fit them in to s certain topic but I try not to spend more then 15 minutes. (Mainly cuz that’s about how long it takes me to lose interest, hehe)
Glad you guys like it because most people look at me like I’m nucking futs 🙂
We specialize in futs hereabouts. Nucking, too, if need be. Most of the regular commenters can trot out a fut or two on demand. You must, however, allow a bit of time if you want the additional nucking.
We understand completely when some non-regular commenters have trouble getting in touch with their futs on the first (or even second) try. However, we are an extremely generous-minded group and encourage all to join in with whatever fut they can offer. We feel that with a nurturing and open atmosphere, all comers can reach their full potential of futs.
Some nucking futs we have immortalized, such as corey and matt. They are recognized for their singular ability to supply minty and/or outrageous futs on certain subjects.
Other nucking futs have a broader range of skills. They can dash off Shakespeare with poignant prose, pluck at our heartstrings with lyrical poetry or serenade us with music from all genres. All in the name of being nucking futs.
Here, my friend, here you are truly among friends. YSaCers wear the nucking futs label proudly, knowing we are a selective group among the common populace. Dare I say it? We are the protectors of snark for the future of the world as we know it.
Archie, there are so many reasons why I love the days that you grace us with your presence.
*blush*
Why thank you, christina. I <3 YSaC, too.
*blush*
Why thank you, christina.
I feel all futty N nuckish now.
{{{{{{Archie}}}}}}
May I throw my nuck in with you futs? Mine just aren’t appreciated around here, and it’s nice to know there’s a place where I can nuck my futs with the very best of ’em.
I hate when my doppelganger comments, too. She could at least be more creative. I am going to have to take away her keyboard.
Between Mindfield and Hammy, I’m really glad (a) the boss is out and (b) it’s otherwise quiet here today.
They are truly Bookends of Genius, are they not?
Bookmakers of jean-eous, too, methings.
holy carp! (yes, the fish) i really like that term, Bookends of Genius. may i pilfer? i promise to use it innapropriately… ^_^
Why on earth would I need further information? You already had me at “very nice pants”.
I wouldn’t mind having some very nice pants. Mine can be real jerks sometimes.
Mine are always telling me I DO look fat in them!
A pair of jeans told me I had chubby ankles so I donated them to Goodwill. That’ll show the rest of ’em who’s boss.
Wait a minute! Among other things (size, price, etc.) this person doesn’t tell you if these are mens pants or womens.
‘ ‘ <– where do I put the apostrophes?
Men’s and Women’s. You’re putting the possessive on a plural noun that does not end in “S”, so you put the “S” on the word after an apostrophe just as if it were a singular noun.
NMN — is it me — or do you feel slightly confused today?
I dunno, he feels kinda lumpy to me.
And squishy. I think he’s coming down with unblubleritis. NMN, take two meat gerberts and get plenty of rest.
NMN – Sparky meant to write maternity which would make them for a pregnant female of the large size. Price negotiable …….
There ya go! You spoiled it.
Are they minty?
I don’t think he spoiled anything, considering I hadn’t understood it.
You are a difficult baseline sometimes NMN.
Mint condition pants? Is that possible?
Oh. Darn, You’re not as “corey” as I thought.
That would be “female of the larger sized belly”. Not everyone who is preggers is large sized.
You can get pants with da minty shell, but you never know what’s inside.
Clearly, this is an imposter corey! Where’s your integra, young man?!? 8)
My dogs have mint pants when I feed them Mentos…
Not necessarily a large female, regular sized females get pregnant too.
I misspoke, I meant to imply that the female (regardless of size) became larger. And I apologize for pooping the party again……..
You didn’t poop on anything. This party never comes away unscathed.
I am surprised we’ve gone the whole day without saying p … errr, That Word The Goddess Of The Shoulder Knees Dislikes.
Puppy?
Yeah, let’s go with that.
I was gonna say it was probably peni-
What?
I was going to end it with -cillin!
So if we can’t say the P word, and euphemisms are out, does that mean Mr. Wink-uh, the hispster hobo guy is banned from the Snark Lounge?
Ah, if I’d only known I had such power!
I do not forbid use of certain words, but however, I was feeling the running joke about saying “penis” everday was getting very very tired. Everyone here has shown we have great gifts of creativity and imagination, and that shouldn’t be wasted.
Now, if I said I want the words “beautiful” and “peerles” used everytime someone referred to me, would that work? ?
We can put it on the shelf for a while and then bring it back when it’s funny again, O Beautiful and Peerles One.
Thank you for not mentioning my speeling error.
Corey — no one here wants “reality” intruding on their day …..
Edit — I’m too slow on the click today … I agree with mudslicker. Maybe you should use some Almost Corey tags.
Yikes! Help Mr. Wizzard!
Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drome; time for zis one to come home.
*Flash of light and puff of smoke*
Wizard: Tooter – Be just vhat you is, not vhat you is not. Folks vhat do zis are ze happiest lot
I got your back, corey, watch this:
[matt]YOU PEOPLE ARE IGNORANT! Don’t you know that people with the name corey are OBLIGATED BY LAW to explain the serious nature of serious business at all times? Seriously! AT.ALL.TIMES! You think this is funny? Some kind of joke? Go on, I dare you, ask corey why the chicken crossed the road. Do it! I DARE YA! [/matt]
*Sorry, corey, I really couldn’t resist. Please stick around, we’re usually a pretty fun bunch. 😀
Look! Up in the box! It’s a bird! It’s de plane! Well, it’s just about everybody else. 8)
Confucius say, “Never look up when bird carrying exclamation marks asks you to.”
No, Confucius say “You avoid the flies, all trucks, and Beatrice Arthur should cover the life-size cut.”
By the way, I sent in pictures for that to go on the shirt the Llama-Nun (bees be upon her, always) requested it be made into. What ever happened with that?
Confucius say, “Man who high on pot…whoa…dude…do you have any pizza?”
YAY us!!!!
Windy, can I keep my AndieJD YSaC card, even though Silva gave me a tank and now I’m Tankerbell?
Okay, I know I read comments yesterday, because I read that whole thread (the one that’s now in the box), but I missed when you became Tankerbell.
Did I even WRITE a comment yesterday?? *quick control+f check* Okay, something about Boston’s weather…and…that’s it. Yesterday was a weird day.
Tankie, of course you may! Just scratch out the letters that don’t belong and write in the new ones.
This reminds me of somebody … it’s on the tip of my tongue….
I’m in the box! First time too! Yeah there’s a bunch of other people, but look…
I’m in the box!
*punches self*
Not only that, but YOU are the originator of the whole thread.
Do Artsy and Manda get double punched since they show up twice in the thread?
Cuz, I’d totally help with that..like…totally…
How about we just line up Artsy and Manda, and everyone can throw a lucky punch their way! Hooray!
Woo Hoo! I’ll get out ma boxing gloves!
Wheeeeee! I haven’t been punched in ages!
I don’t think that I’ve ever been punched. Yeah me!!!! Please hold all punching until the end of today
blogstorywhatever this is.{OT – RANT, RANT, RANT, RANT} Debbie Downer, here, reporting to you LIVE from CJ’s hidden cave-of-no-wonders where police are just now wrapping up an investigation. It seems nefarious person or person(s) unkown burglarized the residence of one of YSaC’s denizens and made off with an expensive laptop computer. No prints were found and no suspects have been identified. When asked about the incident, CJ reportedly said, “G*d****t, those motherf*&(#rs had better pray I never find out who they are or they will be nutless, gutless, and handless when I’m through.”{/end OT – RANT, RANT, RANT, RANT}
Sigh…unfortunately this is true…..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Oh, no, CJ! 🙁
Oh no!! And I feel doubly bad because I started giggling uncontrollably at “nutless, gutless and handless” and now my face won’t make the sad/empathic face it knows it is supposed to.
CJ, that bites the proverbial weenie! I’m so sorry. You can borrow my blackberry, but I tried YAaC on it much of yesterday and it was PAINFUL. Plus the Tanklet will periodically call you for rent money.
CJ, may I borrow a cup of indomitable spirit? I haven’t had anything stolen from me except my self esteem, and I am feeling very low these days. Sorry to hear about your loss. Hang in there.
Windy – here is an extra large box of self-esteem and self-confidence. (Renaming your boss “Sparky” will probably help. You might want to keep this to yourself, while at work.)
CJ I’m so sorry! What a crappy thing to have to deal with! That’s awful. Hang in there!
CJ – May the perpetrators of this heinous crime suffer a terminal infestation of botflies.
So sorry that those clods did this to you. I’d offer you my old laptop but’s glued to my desk.
Damn stupid Sparkies. Probably writing an ad to sell it on CraigsList (and probably using the laptop to write it) right now. {{CJ}}
Oh, CJ, that sucks so bad! If you need a posse, you know I’m local!
Oh no!!!!!!!!!!! That’s terrible!!!! We need to form an angry mob.
Were ther any justice, such acerebral wastes of protoplasm and oxygen would be doomed into a perdition of CL Sparkies for everer and everer.
With wallpaper by Hieronymus Bosch
Muzac by Lohan/Hilton/Beieber
Aromas and tastes supplied by the failed students from The South London school of Everything Boilt Cuisine.
Oh, and for texture, finely-ground bits of blown-in insulation.
And, that’s twice-too humane.
But, I do not have a “soft spot” in me for thieves.
But…I like Bosch! Can’t we just stick ’em with art created by the asshats at that school Silva was too talented to attend?
Okay, everyone…first, thanks for all the outpouring… I really am amazed, constantly, by y’all.
Second, the douchebag was caught.
High-fives, kudos, and elebenty-bazillion doors to the police in Ish for their amazing, and intuitive, investigative skills. Seriously, the investigating officer on our burglary played a hunch he had and BAM! he was right on the money.
The laptop will be returned after being properly identified and all that for evidence. We expect it back in a day or so.
When I got home last night, I was so angry it was scary. This bastid had kicked in my back door and helped himself to my property. Not only that, but he’d been in MY room, going through MY stuff. We figure the only reason more wasn’t taken was because he had a very narrow window of opportunity. My d-i-l was working at home (it was her laptop that was stolen) and she took a lunch break to run to the store. She was gone 30 minutes.
So…after that li’l episode, we have since started using the security system again – not using with son, d-i-l, and grandson living with us since someone is almost always home, but you see what a deterrent that was…right. We’ve also added surveillance cameras, and I REALLY want to move forward with my plan to get a German Shepherd. The only thing stopping me is the long hours away from home we spend. Not fair to a puppy dog. Bugsy, the Insane (cat) was NO help. He was found cowering under my bed. Apparently, terrorizing us is the extent of his protective talents.
To those who commented on my indomitable spirit, first, thank you…second…it’s true. I’m a Texas woman, and we’re known for our fierceness. I’ve also lived long enough to experience real loss (lately, my Dad to Alzheimer’s), and I’m a “glass half-full” kinda gal. No one was hurt, and no real damage occurred.
Okay, last thing…the investigator gave my son the name of the perp. We Googled the scumbag and found out he’s been arrested at least five times. Most recently in 2009 for assault with a deadly weapon. He’s also got a couple of arrests for burglary. He lives in my neighborhood and I’ve seen him on the street.
Now I know where he lives, and God help him if I catch him alone…nutless just might be a distinct aspect of his future.
CJ, will Officer Smartypants (bees be upon him) let us “borrow” Sparky the Laptop Thief for a few hours? ‘Cuz I’m thinkin’ a little time trussed up in the Snark Lounge might be just the thing. Of course, he still needs to go to jail after that. But in the meantime, Bombdude can do that judicious application of high explosives thing, Astro can empty all the urine out of his Baritone on him and then play him some Bjork songs, you can denut him, HamCan can aim the blue water valve from the Orbiting Cave of Technological Wonders at him, and I’ll shoot him with my patented chicken manure shells. Everyone else, being creative and smart folk, can devise their own special plans for our interlude with Sparky the Laptop Thief.
I think we should stuff him in the bee truck for a few hours to soften him up first.
**making the Mr. Burns finger tent** EXXXXX-cellent!
I will let him borro my poncho.
Oooh, I’ve got it! Have Hammy use the Orbital Cave of Wonders to locate Candyman Trollpants and then lock him in a small room with Sparky the Laptop Thief. Two problems solved at once.
I love you guys!!
CJ
I was just about to say that my Great Danes never cease to intimidate people (even tho they’re the sweetest big dummies you’ll ever meet). However, they do tend to get depressed when left alone for too long… :/
Either way, I’m glad the perp was caught and that your stuffs were returned… so rare for stolen items to actually be found.
Tankerbelle was watching over you. Bees be upon you.
And…back to snarking…and wishing I had a camera with me…as I was driving down the street a while ago I swear I saw this giant placard propped up alongside the road:
Indie Festival, October 8-10
Featuring – Name Bands, Movies, and Stuff!
Get your tickets at, blah, blah…(don’t remember where you get your tickets)
I thought to myself – AHA, so that’s what those tickets were for from yesterday. Mystery solved.
You’re welcome.
Sounds about par for the course with indie fests around here. I’ll bet it’s in Oak Cliff.
Close, Grand Prairie…LOL
This, CJ, this is why we love you. You are an indomitable spirit. And you know where your priorities are…snark and information triumph. It is not a laptop, but please take this door.
God Bless You, my darling Archie! 🙂
I don’t have time to read all 305 comments (not that I got much else done today to show for it), so I hope this hasn’t already been said:
This person had (responsibility) for a kid?!?!?
Humanity is doomed.
305, or 337, still needs going through to the end. Otherwise the bleaker bits of one’s days might suppress, oppress and intrude.
Leastways, that’s my theory, which is mine (no matter what that lyin’ Mizz Brackets Mizz brackets Elk says!)
Wait a minute…five letter word starting with P…PANTS!!!
Yep, I just figured that out.
Good night, snarkers, may your pants be to.
Is everyone here? Wait, where’s Manda? No, Artsy, don’t go look for her. EB, come back here! NMN, did you lose your new card already? LRC, maybe you should stand over here, without touching anyone. Oh, good, Manda’s back. Now, where’s Cap? Bombdude, no chicks in the office! Tankerbell, watch the treads, dear. Mindfield, smile! Whew! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Satellite of Love!
Oof! 😀
Thank you!
Thank you Windy, sniffle, sniffle.
4 simple words from a very wise man…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KpmFwVucs4
Do Not Understand.
Do Not Understand
Look! Is.An.Avatar was cloned! I wanna be cloned!
And from my local freecycle listing another spelling of maternity:
“I am needing maturnity clothes small and mediums also nursing bras and pads thank you