YSaC, Vol. 791: **Error: Title Unavailable**
This involves travel (Entire United States)
Traveling looking for work physically – moving electronic equipment- and using different entrance points POPs into of course the BIG BAD Internet. Exciting opportunity exploring new concepts.
Actually authoring a book concerning manipulation of the (****Free**** Uncensored****Independent*****Unmonopitalized****Future of Electronic Communication***** of course of the “internet”) (A Constitutional Right) (Freedom of Speech) ( A Civil Right ) This project involves testing of -location, entrances into points of presence-Telco sites aka ( POPS) and (advertisement search engine) and or government (or even worse other interference into otherwise a free market) Key emphasis on the word “FREE”.
I have been in IT over 20 years and watched government destroy my income, Tax my access, Tax my time of usage, lower my bandwidth useage, The list goes on and on and on and will NOT stop until Lawsuits are brought against these PIRATES seeking your booty and bounty!
This could actually lead to an Amendment to the Constitution regarding Electronic Communication and Messaging! Have you ever not recieved and e-mail that you know for a fact was sent and not returned? Was it an error..OOPS ..probably not. If it was regarding something monetarily important to you, your messages may have been intercepted i.e. You Were HACKED!
Orson Welles 1984 revisited Big Brother may have had a hand in it? Who knows? I intend to find out.The project will involve all of the major cable companies and telco companies that provide access which includes entertainment media, wired, fiber, and wireless.
Requires lots of travel and a laptop or two of your own. I am currently building this project in the Untied States but intend to take it Globally to the “Free World” which my ancestors died to preseerve.
If you have strong religious convictions you might not want to undertake this because it involves censoring – illegal censoring- which of course has always been sponsored by the Moral Majority. Not that I have anything against them as I have a child myself but this involves $$$ and of course freedom.
In addition I am looking for corporate and non-profit sponsoring and gifts to prove this theory exists based on my experiences with head hunting and knowledge for high dollar contract positions not just IT related.
Obviously search engines work this way but I have more interesting theories as well. If I am correct, I intend to file a class action law suit which be filed in a federal court against these culprits or government angencies involved.
Of course since this is related to Information Technology which requires many years of 12 -16 hour days and salaries and hourly rates exceeding $400.00 per hour, I am sure the lawsuit(s) will be quite substantial.
Easily in the Billions of dollars depending on how many years this has been taking place and who has the knowledge of it other than the NSA, HomeLand Security, The FBI,
and the DOD.PS I didn’t even mention the word ACLU
I think this guy(?) is right on. After all, how many times have you ****** on the internet and ************** suddenly changes to *************** email ************** and then the army of penguins ******* ****** ********* ********* *********** Arlen Specter **** ***** ********* ******* ***** ******** an entire wedding cake ****** ** ***** ******** ####### ******* the War of the Spanish Succession *********** ******* ******** “Holy Crap! It’s Roy Lichtenstein!” ***** ** ***** *** **** ** riboflavin ******** ***** ********** and then we had some tea.
Thanks for the ******, Deborah! (If that IS your real name)
I had unmono once, I had to be unmonopitalized for three weeks.
I had to unmonopole-ized myself last month. The physics community was pissed.
Why would the physics community care if you quit playing Monopoly, did they have hotels on Boardwalk?
So,Taco, you’re bipolar now?
So, Taco, you’re bipolar now?
So, a glitch makes me make double postings now?
It’s
TWO
TWO
TWO Whirlwitches in one!
I thought you were trying to get an answer from two of Taco’s personalities…
…and my nickname of Double Double has never been more appropriate!
Double your whirling; double your witch!
Mmmmm, double double animal style is yummy ๐
Woof!
unmononucleosis = stereonucleosis, amirite?
Wait, is that onomonopia? Or am I confusing that with anime characters? {G}
I think there is a hidden message in this request for work… but I just can’t put my finger on it.
Maybe he isn’t a fan of cheese?
I think Sparky hates pirates. He thinks they are after his booty.
Or maybe he’s trying to unload
body partshis stash of fider warches, and he figures that by dropping them off at the NSA or FBI or PB&J or some such place they’ll reward him with billions of misjays….and he wants to share that withgullible asshatsthe masses.I got into more than one sticky situation where the PB&Js were involved.
Hate to break it to Sparky, but no one’s interested in his booty.
*Psst* Dan, it’s your line.
??
Do you not have an historic affection for cheese that you occasionally announce?
I think Taco is referring to your infamous comment, “I like cheese”
*clears throat, whispers in male Ostrimu voice*
“I like cheese.”
What? I’m just the understudy.
Dan, that is the first time I have seen your avatar….
That would be why he’s called Ostrimu :-p
(If we get to 500 comments the next day, does it still count?)
Well, I’m going to post just to get the number up there—only 2 more to go.
I say IT COUNTS if one Sparktastic ad gets 500 comments—no matter how many days it takes it to get there.
NOTE: Without candorman’s help!!!
Yay, no Candorman today!
You DID it EB!!!
:: high fives : :
If you read the ad backwards it says “Paul is dead.”
Oh. Hmmm… I thought it said, “John is Alive.”
Oh, wait, I was reading upside down.
Is kind of odd, hard to tell if sParKy here wants a job doing this, or is hiring for this, ah, adventure.
A person with twenty years’ experience in IT might know that “POP” is “Post Office Protocols” and not “points of presence”–unless that’s what they teach at bizzaro-world “IT skool” now-a-days.
Why is it I’m afraid that there’s a contact sheet for our Spark here in the book at the shop? And the “cc” copies from the alphabet people, too?
IT in his world means Irrational Tool.
It’s like the telephone game.
Sparky = sParKy = Parkay = Parkour.
What’s next?
Whoops. This should be below Christina.
I read sParKy as Parkay. I have been Ham-similated.
So essentially he is looking for a Marcy to his Jim Jones?
Possibly … but in his case, it’s apparently the non-religious people who get the special Kool-Aid.
I like Kool-Aid.
Does it go well with the swirly colors from the meds?
It goes really well, except every time I want a refill, I end up having to repair a wall.
Hey Kool-Aid!
If Johnny Depp is involved, I am so in.
Meeeeee…….toooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Yesterday’s comments led to me watching Nightmare on Elm Street again last night.
Mmmmmmm.
I’ll take a slice of that!
Then my work here was done!
๐
What does having children have to do with the Moral Majority?
That’s where the majority part comes in.
There are LOTS of children in America, more even than adults! The Duggar family taught me that!
Thank Gods kids are generally unorganized, otherwise they might overthrow their oppressors.
Then we have my going-on-9 daughter who asked hubby to give her a job in his business the other day to earn money to buy nail polish. She insisted that they draw up a contract so he couldn’t suddenly fire her if he felt like. She will take over the world if given half a chance.
(For Christine: My avatar is an old pic of my daughter holding an (empty) beer bottle at a party. The party consisted mainly of musicians (and their s.o.’s), a few of which have some sort of connection to Willie (one to two degrees of separation). And most of them are football fans.)
You’ve completed the circle, just like David Allan Coe! My day can go on.
Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song,
and he told me it was the perfect country and western song.
I wrote him back a letter and I told him
it was not the perfect country and western song
because he hadn’t said
anything at all about
momma,
or trains,
or trucks,
or prison
or gettin’ drunk…
I was drunk, the day my momma got out of prisooooonnnnnnnn…
And I went to pick her up in the rayayayayain…
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck!
She got runned over by a damned-old train!!
This day is Mรถbius striptastic! Thanks CJ.
(Bet David Allan Coe & Mรถbius strip don’t come up in the same thought too often.)
Dunno, there was that long, long, long ago ACL where he sang “My Girl”
But, that was a DAC from long ago as well.
*Picks an errant E from her name, pastes it neatly onto the back of Bridget*
Anyone seen my A?
At least no one says “Bridge.” Oops.
I once saw a button that said The Moral Majority is Neither.
Seriously…the majority of people are moral, right? CL posters notwithstanding, of course.
Never have understood such labeling…
I think the button was disputing the statement that the Moral Majority itself was moral; [as well as] that the Moral Majority was even a majority.
Mudsy, you forgot the Corey tags.
I didn’t use them because I was relaying my interpretation of what the button was getting at. Didn’t want to use [corey] frivolously. Hehe
At least let me know that what I said was… minty…?
It wasn’t just minty, it was DA minty!
I once ate a button that said The Majority Moral is Neithers
I once was a button that said In Soviet Russia, Neither is the Major Morality.
“this project includes testing of -location.”
Is -location like a bizzaro Location, or more like the minus world in Super Mario Brothers? Because I think I prefer bizarro Location, where everyone spells correctly and sells useful items on CL, to Minus Location, which would be more like the elebentyth ring of hell where “red table for sale” is on a never ending loop.
I think -location is the antimatter equivalent of location. Don’t ever let the two places touch… bad juju man.
So long as no testing goes on in Ish, I’m good.
:adjusts tinfoil hat:
Speaking of tin foil hats, I think this guy’s been wearing his so long that it’s disintegrated and let some of the paranoid theories in. Or out.
I just had a random thought float through the portion of my mind that isn’t playing The Perfect Country Western Song over and over again and I thought would share it.
Would the language of Ish be Ishish or Ishese?
Sj, I think it’s Gibberish.
Ishtastic, of course! As in ish your drunk? Not me, I ish sober…
So if I were a letter written in the Ish language, would they call me Ishmail?
Is it me, or is HamCan red hot today?
*DISCLAIMER* I am enjoying his posts more than usual and pelting him with doors, but also am sucking up to him because his orbiting lair of technological wonders has lasers pointed at my house
Andie, no, “red hot” is what happened to NMN’s fingertips when he was hot glueing* his cardboard and macaroni art project ๐
*Yes. I spelled it wrong. I like my spelling better.
Hammy’s red hot alright…..
*Blushes*
*Waves at Mudsy*
Andie, I have a question for you. Why did it take you so long to find us, and to join in? 8) You’re very much like us. Ish.
But -location is just down the road from Ish. I think it’s a suburb of ‘Nearby’.
Windrose, I accidentially found YSaC while trolling some other blog. I love snarky blogs with pictures of bizarro weddings and WalMartians and the like. I am making a board game for a coworker of mine that has leukemia, and found YSaC while looking for stuff like that. I said to myself, “Self, a blog called “You Suck at Craigslist” has to be some good fun. And, lo! It is.
And then I started reading the comments and then it was even better.
I was lurking for a while. You guys are pretty intimidating, what with your erudite snark and all. But you have all been very welcoming, which I really appreciate. Especially [Candorman], who recognized right away that I am a white, snuggy-wearing &*)(^)&%$&*^ prude.
I think it’s in the ancient language of the Gilgam-ish [sic] Epic.
*waving at Inanna*
Well, if
Wales = Cymru
and
Finn = Suomi
The language of Ish is clearly qWzlยฟ
which is pronounces “throat-warbler-mangrove” just the way it is spelled.
I thought they spoke Unblubalong?
….whose other name is Ish-tar.
*rereads the post*
Yes, Sparky, I’m sure the solution is to sue the government. The government, of course, being a body which is almost entirely funded from tax dollars, which they will need more of to pay off the lawyers and settlement due to the lawsuit. Good job there, Skippy.
And he’s going to file the suit in federal court. So he’s basically going to file suit with the entity he’s suing.
Totally missed that. Fabulous! What could go wrong?
There’s so much wrong with this I need more coffee and my Fed Courts outline to address it all.
On second thought, I think the fact that Sparky has no standing should cover it.
[corey] Taxpayers do not have standing to sue the government for exercising its constitutional authority to tax and spend for the general welfare. Standing means that you actually have a live case or controversy to bring before the court, as the federal courts have limited jurisdiction and do not hear just any case. To have standing, the plaintiff must suffer a unique injury, the defendant must be the one who caused the injury, and the injury must be redressable, in that the relief requested by the plaintiff must actually give relief. The main problem with “taxpayer standing” is the unique injury bit — just because you don’t like the tax system doesn’t mean it has injured you in a manner distinct from the general public. There’s also no general “citizen standing”, for the same reason. Sparky here has not suffered any kind of distinct injury, therefore he has no standing. [/corey]
Phew, I feel better. Now, on to the snark.
Bridgete, that was amazing! Would you represent me against the local government for whom I work when I sue them for making my hair turn gray?
Thank you Bridgete. I love it when you go all Michael Moore* but actually have some facts to back up your argument.
*Not that I totally don’t like Michael Moore, but he tends to Fox-news-pick-and-choose on some topics.
Thanks Mudsy.
I’m with you on the Michael Moore thing, by the way.
[Corey]It’s a fact (well known, not even close to a secret) that every bit of traffic on the Internet is monitored by homeland security, get over it[/Corey]
[candorman]This guy is a real f#$%^ing asshat[/candorman]*
*Sure, let me go do my job for you for free no problem** ๐
**There I feel better now
*Snark*
You forget your meds this morning, Hammy?
Nobody would rub the puppy’s tummy last night, apparently.
*Wags*
Awwww…we all had a rough day yesterday. Poor puppy. Who’s a good boy?
*scratches puppy behind the ears*
Manda’s smart enough not to rub the belly anymore.
Um, Manda? You realize what those “ears” are right?
:mops water off desk:
Hammy – love the new tags!
So HammyPup, is today’s Sparky a friend of yours? Perhaps someone you’ve been monitoring from your orbital lair of technological wonders?
I will now don my tin foil chapeau and hide under my desk.
I am now picturing HamCan’s puppy in the Justice League’s Watchtower.
So HamCan is the one now watching my classmate who looked up the US Chain of Command, and, therefore, is probably on a gov’t watchlist?
It’s not my week to be in orbit…*
*Pssst, we now use tinfoil penetrating radar
Careful…Hammy will hack your house, car, and spouse, if you have one….at least according to Hollywood he will.
Actually I prevent those sorts of things…well except the spouse bit.
Please don’t prevent my spouse. I still like him.
All you need to hack into
alien technologyhuman brains is a Mac PowerBook. Everyone knows that.A machete is much more efficient and cheaper, those darn Mac books tend to shatter when smashed into someones skull repeatedly.
With French Prevential furniture and spouse prevential technology, HamCan will take over the planet. The entire United States even!
Once I take it over do you want it?
The owners association fees would kill me.
Hey, ixnay on the ecretsay!
Getting the nutcase contact logs culled through, maybe we can get Sparky here assigned to be CM’s cable & internet guy* (paroled, assigned, sentenced–such quibbling the Enlish has)
_________________________
*may be wishful thinking
Oh please, Hammy, like you’re the first man that’s promised me the world?! *rolls eyes* I’m not falling for that again.
*Wags, rolls over and whimpers*
HamCan!?! Flirting with women in front of me…. Good thing I know your heart is in my can ๐
Please do not prevent my spouse either. Unless you’re preventing him from finding and eating my secret chocolate stash.
christina – I hid mine in the tea cupboard above the stove. I don’t think he knows the cupboard is there, or that we have tea. It’s been pretty safe so far. I used to just put it inside a non-transparent container. That worked, too.
No go, LRC, he has a sixth sense about chocolate. I once hid a bag of chocolate chips (that I needed for cookies) in the cupboard that houses my baking supplies (that hubby never uses). He found them within 48 hours. I’m only safe if I buy the stuff with fruit in it. He thinks fruit in chocolate is an abomination.
Well, then, hide behind the lawn mower/bookshelf that needs to be refinished/whatever other household project he isn’t doing this week.
I will now don my tin foil chapeau and hide under my desk.
Hiding under your desk is a very good choice – Sparky wore his while hiding in the microwave.*
*Explains a great deal.
I’m going to be extra careful about what I send through the tubes. Especially now that I know Secret Agent HamCan is watching. :p
Every bit of traffic on the internet is monitored? I’d love to have this site as part of my job description.
Daily notation: still insane.
That’s a scary thought – if someone read every comment on this blog and thought they were the absolute gospel truth.
I just made myself go all shuddery.
All electronic communications originating from this terminal may, or may not, be subject to scrutiny under the auspices of various governmental agencies.
No need to panic, folks, Sparky’s gotcherback…oh, and untold billions to share..yep, wait by the mailbox and the check will arrive any day.
You did send the $395 processing fee, right?
Oh, and the $195 customs fee?
The $595 projected taxes fee?
Does Sparky actually think the internet is an actual thing?
Internet = interconnected computer network.
The government doesn’t have warehouses filled with vats of internet anymore than they have stables filled with magical wish-granting unicorns that fart rainbows.
That should probably have some sort of tag on it, but meh.
There, there Internet she didn’t mean it…good thing *Rubs it’s fiber backbone*
The internet is a building right? Al Gore built it somewhere in Louisiana if I remember correctly. It’s full of tubes from what I’ve heard.
It involves a world wide web, built by a very large spider
According to the late Senator Ted Stevens, the internet is not a dump truck – it is a series of tubes.
It’s more like a series of Boobs…
What?
Well from a similar standpoint, HamCan, there are a lot of tunnels too…
True, that is the flip side…
“The hacker entered through the back door” now has a whole new meaning.
Same old meaning, different door…
The internet got moved just before Hurricane Katrina hit. Last I heard it was somewhere in Idaho. fun fact: A potato can generate electricity.
signed,
Louisiana resident
Careful rubbing the fibre, if you break the Ring, the tokens fall out and the wire loses its fire and all teeth turn blue.
And don’t forget about all the bits being carried around in their little bit buckets! Wouldn’t want those to spring a leak and get serial all over the floor…
The Internet is a self-contained flash-drive implanted in Barack Obama’s left shoe.
Duh.
Wait – unicorns F*RT rainbows? Crap – I’ve been using mine wrong.
Fart isn’t spelled with an asterisk.
(Sorry, it’s a pet peeve of mine to omit letters in an poor attempt obfuscate “profanity” in an environment where there is no profanity censorship. We all know what F*RT means, so removing the ‘A’ really isn’t necessary.)
I thought the word was FORT. Silly me.
Unicorns Fort Rainbows? I didn’t even know Unicorns HAD couches!
They don’t need couches as long as they have mattresses! Springy, lovely, squicky mattresses.
I always thought bleeping things out made them funnier. Then I can tell jerks to go @#$%#$%#$ @#$@#$ @#$@#$ , those *******ers!
Full censorship of a word is fine, that completely obfuscates the word and leaves something to the imagination. Removing one letter, on the other hand, isn’t fooling anyone.
Taco, your complaint really made me want to just type f*ck (like that) about 50 times in one comment…just to see what would happen.
I think I’m feeling ornery today.
Probably some kind of explosive Taco event.
I’ll take F*RT over “candor” anyday. ๐
A-f*ckin’-men, Manda! ๐
I didn’t realize you had such a h*rd on about asterisks, TM.
Yes, yes they do
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&global=1&q=unicorn+fart+rainbow#/d2hf8b5
Awesome.
How quaint. He won’t say fart.
If you can’t say fart, at least have the smarts to say flatus.
Is “floating an air biscuit” appropriate? How about “stepping on a duck”?
Silly SJ! Everyone knows the internet is a series of tubes. Ted Stevens wouldn’t lie to us would he?
And all the tubes are clogged with pron.
Don’t tell Sparky about the intertubez. He will take the covers off all the internet vacuum tubes to “check” them or some such asshatery, and then Al Gore will have to rebuild it all over again. And THEN where would I get my LOLcats and snark?
All ur pr0n are belong to tubes.
In Soviet Russia, tubes clog YOU with pron.
all the tubes are clogged with pron
The new polite term is “embolized” which is a joke among those of us involved in the thrombectomies and and angioplasty such can require.
And and such can what now?
High Five to Andie for an obscure archive reference!
How could he? He’s, er, dead. :/
I thought he was just off having some T-shirt alone time.
Really? Damn, I only get about 30 minutes of NPR on my commute these days and no television. I’m officially out of touch. HEY! That means I can run for elected office!
[politician corey]christina – no kidding. Plane crash. Uh, late August, maybe?[/politician corey]
Ooooh, Ted Stevens is dead… I thought you were saying Al Gore was dead. *refraining from making certain political comments*
Darned comment structure. I was wondering how I could have not known Al Gore was dead – you meant Ted Stevens!
Disco is dead!
Al Gore is a Zomb-
He only appears alive due to global warming…
Clothespin bejeebusยฎ is dead.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
I have risen!
I command thee to send vast quantities of money to me through your tubes.
Also cranberry-flavored Jell-O with pineapple chunks suspended within it.
CJ? Isn’t that supposed to be JC?
Or are you just dyslexic?
Oh, yeah, I see what you did there.
I thought it stood for Clothespin Jeebus :-p
You’re right. They don’t have stables of magical wish granting unicorns that fart rainbows.
They have dragons, instead.
I wonder what that would smell like…
Margarine!
Probably more like vintage margarine . . .
Goats.
Equal parts failure and cupcakes, with a dash of tuna from the LOLcats.
Are they cake cupcakes from Cake Wrecks?
The government doesn’t have magical wish-granting unicorns that fart rainbows. ??
Yeah, right. Next you’re going to try to tell me that Santa isn’t really tracked by NORAD. You REALLY think Santa can fly through restricted airspace without being monitored?
*Man, some people are sooooooo gullible…*
“Have you ever not received and e-mail….”
Why yes…yes I have…
I’ve also not received phone calls, faxes, appointments to the Supreme Court and mass quantities of chocolate.
Damn Internet…always stealing my sh*t.
That must be where my beach house in Maui with the pool boy named Sven went!
“Sh*t”
What could that word possibly be?!
I think I need coffee, I’m way too irritible this morning. *Looks at his empty mug which has already been full 3 times this morning* Ok, maybe I need less coffee.
Well, TM…my Interwebnetspidersensethingy…MAY just “block this site now get back to work” if it detects actual, real-life, words we always use.
Soooooooooo….I asterisk, therefore…here I am.
Ahh. Fair enough.
Didn’t know they could actually block websites based on verbiage now-a-days. We always just blocked sites based on their HTML tags and the phishing list.
I guess my web control policy knowledge is getting a little behind. Damn you Net+ certification book! You should be self updating!
Not sure how the
Nazisvery-concerned and most excellent IT professionals do it here, but I’ve done legit searches on words that brought up the “site is blocked: tasteless” or something like that…so I figure better safe than sorry, ya know?Yeah, you can block search engine queries by using the request field. Which is unfortunate because it makes it really hard to find information on alcohol. You have to be all sneaky and round about:
“Caribbean fermented sugar cane drink” instead of “rum” when googling.
I get that too, but that is prolly because I work for the government. Yeah, that’s right, I am the person Sparky is trying to stop. MWAHAHAHAHA… I have all your emails! And your chocolate! And poolboy Sven and I are squeezing all the unicorns to get all the rainbow f*rts/farts out. MWAAHAHAHAHA
Be careful how hard you squeeze, there’s more then rainbows in there!
OOOH! Is there candy?!
Skittles, Duh.
Skittles – Taste the Rainbow!
Well, I’m never eating Skittles again.
These are not the Skittles…
I saw “Skittles,” and had no clue what was being talked about. So I scanned up to the first comment that started this conversation…..and now I’m steering clear of conversations concerning skittles.
Is th*s ann*ying, T*aco? Am I p*ssing you off?
Sorry, Bridgete’s earlier suggestion made my mean streak come out ๐
T*aco? Is there a missing letter in “Taco” that I don’t know about? Or is “Taco” now street slang for something more explicit? Oh wait….don’t answer that.
It’s actually only annoying when I perceive it as trying to dodge profanity for the sake of appearing somehow more PC by doing so.
It’s actually related to something my aunt used to do that bugged the crap out of me. She used cut parts of swear words out so that she could still swear without saying the whole word. The problem is (from my point of view) if I can easily work out what the word is, you basically said the whole word anyway. It was worse that she expected everyone else to do it so that she wouldn’t have to hear the swearing, only parts of it. But if you’re so opposed to swearing, why not just not swear rather than make yourself feel better by cutting out an audible portion of actual swearing? Or just actually swear and not worry about pointless, ineffective self censuring?
When it’s done in jest or to dodge an actual filter (Like in the case of CJ’s over-achieving network filter), I’m fine with it as the reason behind doing it isn’t “See I’m not swearing, tee hee, and you’ll never prove that I actually was! I’m so innocent! It’s family friendly fun!”
*Foams at the mouth*
*Hands Taco a beeping Valium*
*When it stops beeping, TACOSPLODE!*
Oh, no. Sarajean, remember the discussion earlier about Skittles? And you said “taste the rainbow”? I think I just had a revelation. “Taste the rainbow” means “eat skittles because they come in rainbow colors,” doesn’t it? Damn. All this time I thought it meant “lick members of the LGBT community.” I think I owe a LOT of apologies.
Depends on who you were licking.
And where.
(Man, that line’s never coming back.)
Taco, I have similar opinions towards the “I only said FCK so I’m not swearing!” thing… especially when movies and whatnot are editing for TV, and there’s really bad dubbing. I can’t read lips, but I can SEE that the actor said something that starts with “sh” and NOT “crap!” Or songs on the radio that sound like “shi[silence]”. I’d rather just hear the whole word and be able to gloss over it than have my mind work on filling in the blank! Then again, there’s also stuff like this that just rapes my childhood.
Andie, they’re magically delicious! [/topic whiplash]
Back when I was working in bookkeeping, my supervisor was really, really opposed to swearing. However, I really needed SOMETHING to say when I’d just messed up on my perfect bank tape for the 500th time…so I started swearing in other languages. Mostly scheiรe, although occasionally I’d throw in a merde or a c’est chier for some variety. She didn’t seem to mind it in other languages — either she didn’t know what I was saying or she just didn’t care.
3 years of German classes was enough to permanently add scheiรe to my daily repertoire of swearing.
Now that I’ve had to replace or get rid of most of my home swearing (still a lot on the job, but you get that in the service industry*) to be more baby friendly, scheiรe has become a more predominant alternate to a lot of my potty mouth. Funk and Krunk have also become regular members.
*I watched my mouth at work for about 7 months until my boss went on a 10 minute swearing tirade about a phone call he had with a vendor. He set a bar that I aspire to.
With the whole Mormon-living-in-Utah thing I’ve got all kinds of alternates… lots of times the frustration-exclamation is “riggin….friggin….giggin…..” (except one time I said “rigger…..frigger….grigger…. n*****…. OOPS.”). “What the what??” is also common. I have a coworker that’s got a great collection. My favorite of hers is “sweet baby Buddha.”
As an equal opportunity blasphemer, I take most dieties names in vain.
Also, so I don’t leave anyone out, I tend to say “Oh Gods” rather than “Oh God”. I pride myself on being an includer.
I can’t use “profane or foul language” at work, ’cause they would fire my ass. And probably the rest of me as well. I used to swear a blue streak, mostly stuff I picked up from Mom, but when I started spending time around the nieces and nephew I had to come up with kid-friendly alternatives. I might add “sweet baby Buddha” to those, I like how it sounds.
I’ve found my best option in moments of surprising and intense pain when the kids are present (such as slamming my foot into a desk and breaking 2 toes) is to yell “BAD WORDS! Bad words!” as loud as I possibly can. They laugh and it keeps the older two from providing the other preschoolers with a vocabulary lesson.
Manda, I do that too ๐ Sometimes it gets shortened to “Ugh! Words!” My current default is either “crudnuggets!” or “holy Corolla!”
Being in the presence of up to 25 first graders at any one time, and occasionally all 50 of the critters I work with, I find myself struggling at times – like yesterday when I sliced my finger open with a manila folder. It was a nice, long diagonal cut (think paper cut with a machete) that left a gaping flap of skin and searing pain. As the blood ran down my hand and little stars flashed before my eyes, I commented (a bit loudly), “Oh golly, I think I have an ouchy!”
Elementary School has been very good for me.
I have friends who do the same thing, but yell “Dirty Word!” Of course, all of their children are teenagers now who can out-swear all of us.
“Oh golly, I think I have an ouchy!”
Forgive me while I wipe away the tears…only your family members can truly appreciate how outrageously funny that is!
I use “Unblubler” as a swear when I’m around my cousins, who are… **darn, I don’t know their ages** …young.
I keep not getting email that wasn’t sent to me and I don’t get email I didn’t send and my inbox was attacked by a Roomba’s who cleaned me out and chicken have lips and it’s all the governmentsfaultandIcan’ttakeanymoreofthisandweallneedtogotoyourwindowrightnowandshout”I’mmadashellandI’mnotgonnatakeitanym*re.”
and the government spies broke the style sheet!
Fie on you, evil government minions.
I read “I’mmadashell” as “I’mma dashell.”
Yo dawg, Imma da MINTIEST shell of all time!
…errr…or something like that.
Yah, I guess that works, too. I actually wrote it in code so that the government spies couldn’t figure it out. I used tinfoil on my fingers so they wouldn’t be able to read my thoughts.*
*This probably isn’t true, but who knows the truth.**
**The truth is out there.
THE TRUTH <—
Poor
Al GoreSparky. His brain finally broke.What I got out of this was that if people don’t read the e-mails I send them, it’s Orson Welles’ fault.
And the internet has fiber… and if the Llama-nun is correct, Riboflavin too (so that must mean it’s good for you!).
I think it is definitely rich in Anti-Oxidants as well. Those, according to Sparky, are governments & people who are against the distribution of FREE oxygen.
Their slogan: Every time you send an email, a puppy loses a breath!
No, I think sParKy objects to how anti-oxidants reduce Free Radicals
Radicals. Take them for FREE! OBO
While I have no objection to Radicals being obo-ed, I will aver I do not, categorically do not, wish to be the person assigned to that task.
Let’s give credit where credit is due. Today’s post is credited to the Ostrimu, not the Llama-nun, may bees be upon them both.
Now THAT needed corey tags!!! Thanks Windy.
WHOOPS. Reading fail… *_* Sorry.
too late for me to edit my post.
I still fondly remember that Orson Welles’ radio hoax where he tricked thousands of people into believing that the government created words that had the opposite meaning of what they conveyed. I was enthralled by the way he expertly manipulated the general public into believing that spy cameras had been installed just about everywhere.
The edge of my seat almost snapped off from the overbearing weight of my Orwellian ass as I pondered what would happen if Winston Smith fell off of Oprah’s couch while jumping around and insanely declaring his simultaneous love for Katie Holmes and Xenu.
Imagine my disappointment to later learn that the whole thing had been a hoax to cover up a simple Martian invasion.
When Ed does comment, he comments in a very door-worthy way!
“Orwellian ass,” he he he
It’s remotely possible (but highly unlikely) that I’m getting several books and maybe a movie or two all jubmeld up in my old brain.
I LIKE “jubmeld”! elebenty+adores to you, Ed.
You mean the ENTIRE United States? Who ever knew the world was so vast!
Who has the time to visit the entire world like that?! This guy should just stick to Arkansas, it’s pretty worldly down there anyway.
Would that include the great state of New England?
England is a COUNTRY, penguin! Only this one is supposedly new and improved!
*silly*
[Corey] England is a city. Great Britain is a country.[/corey]
I’ll have what he’s smoking…
Me too, Hammy.
[wiki correction cory] England is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. Great Britain is an island. Most of England comprises the central and southern part of the island of Great Britain. The country also includes over 100 smaller islands such as the Isles of Scilly and the Isle of Wight. [/wiki correction cory]
Thanks Mudsy. I was all coreyed out from my earlier legal corey.
England is also an AFB (in LA, south of LimeLolly)
And was a USN ship, twice (and now, sadly, both have been made into razor blades).
I speeled corey wong. BWAAHAHAH….
Thanks Bridgete and Cappy.
Maybe a corey, but it’s the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, has been since 1927.
No, I have all of New England covered with a poncho, so we don’t need any help up here.
*arranges truckload of lice shampoo to be distributed in NE*
To driver: just give some to anybody under the poncho who looks itchy. Make sure Bridgete and Isaac get some.
Phew, thanks Lola. I was worried about that.
I’m pretty sure LRC is immune* but wanted to look out for the rest of you. Hm, maybe that’s why Colleen never came back – the poncho got ‘er.
*If not, let the driver know and he’ll give you a bottle, too.
I think it was that mattress she was airing out a few months ago that got Colleen.
*is also a newenglander…. newenglandese… newenglish*
how about also a nor’easter then?
No?
Oh, I didn’t mean Bridgete and Silva, obviously. I cut some holes for the three of us to breath out of.
I think the creatures of the Poncho of Doom may be resistant to lice shampoo by now. I’ll send the mayonaise. On the plus side, all of New England will smell like sammiches.
Don’t forget Isaac, LRC!
I think Meej is also in the great state of New England.
My favorite states are the great states of Denial and Inebriation.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the state of Panic. I have a summer home there.
I only go to the state of Panic with my in-laws.
I have taken a few unscheduled stops in the state of Depression. Oh, look, here’s one now. . .
Sadly, I lived in the state of Depression for a few years….make of that what you will.
I’ve lived in the Great State of Confusion.
I went to high school in Confusion!
I’m only signing on if I can go to And Such.
I didn’t even mention the word ACLU either.
Can I use that word in Scrabble? I don’t think so….
Seems to me that if Sparky didn’t mention ACLU it’s because he doesn’t have A CLU.
I see a box in your future, CJ.
If it’s about six feet long and lined with satin, it’s a TRAP!
But it’s got such nice looking pillows…
Note to self: I was totally right!
*awards self a lice filled Death Poncho of Shame ™*
Wow, it’s just what I always wanted! Thanks, LRC.
Oh, no problem, LRC, I saw it and thought of you. ๐
I do not think it means what you think it means.*
*This is to Sparky, not Bianchi.
Am I the only person who read half way through it, decided that the person was an idiot, and realized that I didn’t want to read all of that nonsense 5 minutes after I had gotten up?
Edit: Gee, what a surprise. No Kirby.
:: blink blink ::
*crickets*
I got up 45 minutes ago. Sweet clothespin jeebus, I need a job.
Actually, I think I have one (after a mildly confusing email exchange) but it’s at a restaurant (yeah, putting that J.D. to good use…sigh) so I still won’t be getting up early.
We so need timestamps on these (especially if we are going to have 3-400 per weekday). What with “45 minutes ago” for me being 1400CDT.
Thoough, lolling about abed until three in the afternoon might be a sign of slackness in some eyes (like the catulator’s; I know mine will want my attention about every 6 hours or so).
We do need timestamps. I wrote that comment at 11:30 — so, then, I got up at 10:45.
I see a smiling pink bubble with shoes. So it must be your computer/browser
I see Kirby as well! He’s very kawaii.
*pinching his cheeks*
Me too! I read your comments as much cheerier, NMN, since you changed your avatar.
I see the smiling pink bubble with shoes, too (is that Kirby? I’m old) and, in fact, on my machine it changed all your older posts to Kirby avatars, too. Huh.
[avvie corey] It’s based on the email address you enter when you write your comment. If you have more than one address registered with Gravatar, you can switch between them by changing your email address.
:changes email address:
Now there’s a picture of my adorable cat Simon, without changing the other posts I’ve made using the email with the picture of my adorable cat Firefly attached to it.
If you have a specific avatar that goes with a specific name, like Bacontini, used to mask the identity of a regular poster, it is called a “sock puppet”.[/avvie corey]
You call for de Bacontini? Well Bacontini here for you even if you not call him.
Yes, Bacontini is always here for you, especially when you a de lady.
What’s really sad, is that I don’t want Kirby to be my avatar anymore. I want a fuzzy character from a game that I actually play. Only question is, would it show up? For me, that is.
What about a prinny, dood?
How do I clear my cache? I usually just restart my computer.
Depends on what you’re using. Most browsers have it somewhere in the “Clear History” area. You’ll be looking for something like “Clear internet files” or “Clear Cached pages” or something like that.
NMN, go to Piriform.com and get their free download, CCleaner. one of the spiffy things it does is clearing cache, cookies, and Temporary Internet Files, all while being ‘smart’ enough to cope with having IE, Chrome, FF, etc, in how it does this.
Their Defraggler download is one of the better disk defragmenters going, too.
That, and I still find a company named “pear shaped” amusing.
I shall have to compare their defragger to Smart. My progression of defraggers has been Norton Basic Win Tools Defrag (Back when it was free) > O&O Freeware Lite Defrag > Smart Defrag > ?
I’m always willing to trade up =).
Mudsy’s channeling the Cap’n! Speeka de Eengeesh for da Gaijins!
This haoli thinks she may have been using polynesian.
(And the only Tahiitian I know is in a Buffett song {g}.)
Nooo… I gave up partway through. And then I ungave up, and pushed through. This dude reminds me of the Time Cube dude… “The Guv-Mints is stealin our TIIIIIMMMEEEEE!!”
Not the four corner Earth time cube! Nooooooooooooooo!
(I think Mudsy and I used to talk about him from time to time)
This is actually marginally better written than the Time Cube Guy’s site. There’s no giant multicolored fonts hammering your retinas.
I’d like to put Time Cube guy’s site on my Kindle and just take him to the beach with me. Then I can take my Kindle and use it to dig a huge sand crater into which I can bury said Kindle.
Could the Guv-Mints please steal more of my time on, say, Monday and Thursday afternoons, and give some back on Friday and Saturday nights? That would be most helpful.
Yes, but it will be in the form of an Integra’s Shell.
NMN, I think you are not alone in avatar frustration. I changed mine as well, about 2 hours ago. I’ve cleared cache, rebooted, etc. Even checked from my phone – I see no change. If you all are seeing a new avvie for me, let me know.
I don’t remember what it was this morning, but right now I see an Adorable with red hair and a great big I-didn’t-do-it grin.
I take it back, NMN. Hours later it finally has appeared. (HamCan, did you unclog the tube that was holding up my avatar?)
EB, that’s what it was earlier. I’m seeing my new one now, so try clearing your cache and see if my new one pops up. It’s my little goofball with her shorts on her head from when she tried to dress herself.
Avatar factoid for the day*
As you should know, Avatars go via Pandora which is 4.4 light years from earth.
Normally they would take 8.8 years to update, but the engineers at Gravatar** noticed that if they made them exactly 512×512 pixels (512 being a 20-gonal number with a prime factor of 2x2x2x2x2x2x2x2x2) and shot them through a black hole, they actually arrive before they left.
Not wanting to alarm people, whose Gravatars would suddenly changed without warning, the new updated Gravatars are stored on a server and randomly released from 5 minutes to 24 hours after you change them, even though they could have arrived at the server anytime since the first Gravatar was sent this way.
This phenomenon has actually been known since 1961 when Yuri Gagarin Mysteriously showed up in orbit around the earth in his capsule (Which weighted exactly 512lbs. It had actually been launched in 1966) thus beating the USA into space by a month and a half.
It wasn’t until Stephen Hawking proposed a new type of time stamping algorithm that we were able to reliably exploit this effect and use it to our advantage.
*This may not be true
**Gravatar really stands for Gravity avatar, not globally recognized avatar like they advertise. Avatars become Gravatars after they exit the black hole.
On fire indeed! Many adores, HamCan!
Wonder how many screens & tabs that took {G}
Shush, Capn. It keeps him from looking at my pron collection for a minute.
I tried looking at it, but after 12 hours and 700 different types of farm animals my download meter was only at 11.2%…
I think I might be able to sleep tonight*twitches*
Mmm, tastes like paranoid conspiracy! Do you need a new roll of tinfoil for hats, sir?
“Untied States” – heh.
Looks like he slipped in his Freud….
Would the “Untied States” be Hawaii and Alaska? Because if I’m going to both of those states, I may need to pack more than one bag.
Nah, Hawaii clothes don’t take up much space. They’ll fit in the bag with the Alaska clothes.
I don’t know if “untied” is the correct term for his current “state”. I go with “unhinged”. Or maybe “unsane”.
Mmm, “superfluous” quotation “marks”…
No, it may be apt, the sleeves on his special jacket may have come unlaced . . .
OT: The company is going to “replace” one of my older (1 year old) laptops before the end of the year, I hate it when they do that because it takes me forever to get all my programs etc. copied over to the new one. I can’t just ghost it because of active directory and property numbers etc.
The gal on the phone asked, “What programs?”
I almost said, “Lots, to many to list”
๐
I think it’s a TRAP!!!!
Well, yeah, all centralized IT people seem to believe no one actually uses the supplied hardware, and, thus, it is no consequence to replace the hardware, erase the storage, what ever, and there is no loss of productivity.
Now, the fact that there are too many PHB in the world, most of whom still are not bright enough to find free pr0n on the intertubes, they get to make these decisions for the working snuffies out there.
le Sigh
Doors to Capn for the Dilbert reference!
Well, someday, I’d like to grow up to be Ted (only without the being the target of Fist-Of-Death part).
Some of us have been part of DNRC for a long time.
[YSac Spillover] I recently wrote a CL ad for a charity garage sale at my daughter’s church. As part of the ad I said, “clothing, shoes, toys, much more…too many to list”
And, yes, I did it on purpose.[/end YSaC Spillover]
I hope you speeled it “To many too list”.
๐
No internetz for you!
๐
Are you saying you’re going to have Mudsy’s tubes tied?
That seems a litle invasive.
Maybe just plugged…
What?
Whaaaaa?
You can only mess with my diodes!
What about your triodes?
Only Poseidon & Satan can touch those!!!
That would be a tri-something!
Oh my. My brain changed the “o” in diodes to an “l” and I thought it was pretty awkward that HamCan was plugging things with Mudsy’s….. personal entertainment devices. Is it too early in the morning to supplement my caffeine with chocolate?
It’s afternoon, here, so go ahead.
Well, at least we know your mind is in the gutter alone side with ours.
๐
[mail corey] We all got a postcard from The Line.
It says “Wish you were here!” [/mail corey]
Does anyone know where Tristan da Cunha is?
Yes. It’s so far away, it’s right at being far, far away.
Nicer than Diego Garcia for a vacation destination, but that’s really only due to the lack of B-52’s based there.
Dang Hammy, your laptop is considered old and due for replacement after 1 year!?! What kind of “Company” are you employed by?
I have a 12 lb. p.o.s. Dell craptop that’s almost 3 years old and “The Company” that I “work” for won’t replace it for another year. I suppose if I cleaned out all the pron and adware, I might get it down to 10 lbs.
You should change the oil and filter every three thousand downloads, it’ll last longer that way.
Also run it through the dishwasher, cleans out a lot of the dirty stuff.
Just remember to dry it on “Air Fluff”. You don’t want your tubes to melt.
I’m pretty sure nobody here would try this, but in the event a Sparky or Sparkles has wondered onto the site looking for granny panties or tentacle pron, I feel the need to offer the following disclaimer;
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WASH YOUR LAPTOP OR CHANGE IT’S OIL. That should only be attempted by a licensed service technician wearing a shiny hat. Your mileage may vary. Do not feed your laptop after midnight. If your laptop begins speaking in tongues, give it a cookie and call it Francis. Submersion in lava will void the warranty.
Do you mind if I copy that? There are some doctors that I think need that put on their laptops.
Sure, go ahead.
But, if they are MDs, you will need to embed that at the start-up screen; wedge it in the O/S start-up graphic, have a pop-up dialog in the Start menu, then make it a wav file associated with every command operation.
Which will probably only reduce the unwatned behaviour by 5, 10% at best.
Getting anyone back in Administration to pay attention seeming to require electroshock, say, by bleeding off the capacitors i nthe fluoroscopy rooms . . .
But, I may be jaded by one too many hospital consulting jobs.
I agree, Capn.
I used to sell and support technology to the fine agency where you work, Taco, as well as many other government agencies innundated with doctors at the highest levels. The calls and stories were mind-boggling. I always enjoyed commiserating with the IT folks about some of the truly brilliant moments in technology use as demonstrated by high ranking officials.
Manda, my husband has a theory about level of education and intelligence. Generally, that the two are inversely proportionate. He dealt with people with doctorates in CS who didn’t know how to install programs on their computer….
Got a missive just today from one of my cronies. Seems the most common question Mr Coffee customer support gets is “I put the water in the pot, how does it get to the coffee?”
Followed closely by “I pushed the button and nothing happened.”
Apparently slyphs and the elvish surround far too many of the people around us . . .
“Have you ever not recieved and e-mail that you know for a fact was sent and not returned?”
I don’t not think so.
In fact, I’m not unsure that that hasn’t not happened!
It can’t have not never happened Bianchi! If it didn’t not never have can’t happened, then it won’t have not never can’t have not…
*TACOSPLODE*
Agh, he finally ‘sploded! *picks coffee-flavored cheese out of hair* Guess I was standing too close…
You should know by now never to stand too close to Taco when he’s feeling splodey.
So that’s why, Bianchi Sound, you never responded to my party invite e-mail. And I just thought you were dissing on me…….
That’s right. It was because the NSA, Homeland Security, the FBI, the DOD, and the Moral Majority didn’t want me to know about it. Sorry.
I have never gotten one of those “Nigerian prince” people to contact me. Then again, I don’t release my information.
Be glad, be very glad.
There’s a new version out, it’s an disabled (UK) soldier who discovered elbenty gross of flemmish blandersplids, all in gold-washed latum, in some cave in SW Asia. If you just send a paltry ยฃ500 (sometimes it’s €500) you win the internest.
Gold-pressed latinum? What?
You never washed Deep Space Nine?
Wow, all my Emmissary quips will likely pass you by.
Let alone all the Cardassian jokes.
I can never keep Cardassians and Kardashians straight. Which ones are the wrinkly ones with bad teeth and big ears that defended OJ?
But wouldn’t washing Deep Space Nine break the TV?
Andie – This is brilliant. Will you be my new best friend? ๐
Just received a Western Union (younguns..go look it up) from The Line…
Very proud of you.stop.
60+ posts and I’m not feeling the least bit cross.stop.
Don’t stop.stop.
Western Union…isn’t that how you get money to the Nigerian Prince so you can get your reward?
He didn’t ask me for any money…. only all my bank account/social security/credit information so he can deposit 6 million dollars. What a nice guy! ๐
(because I totally believe a prince from another country would contact a random person in the US suburbs via e-mail and ask them to hold onto millions of dollars for them. I was also born yesterday and don’t know the meaning of sarcasm)
Ooooh so was I. What’s this “sarcasmium?”
Did I butcher “sarcasm” enough?
I now want a T-shirt that says;
“YSaC – Contains 100 % RDA of Sarcasmium!”
Sarcasmium is 42nd on the portmanteauic table of shellimints.
What number is Asshatite?
#2 of course.
My note from the Line came via My.Little.Pony.Express. It said: “Don’t do that anymore (tee-hee). Don’t you wish you had a long, silky mane like mine?”
PIRATES seeking your booty! And, the problem with that is? 8) Argh, it’s almost Talk Like A Pirate Day, Matey! Shiver me timbers and hoist the jib sail! We’re off to sail the Spanish Main, so pass ’round the grog! *big slurp* *spittoooie* What the heck is in this stuff?
Yarrr….where’s me gin and rum?
19 september be jes’ arron’n th’corner, arrh!
Unfortunately it’s on Sunday and Yo-Ho-Hoeing with a bottle of rum in this state will be difficult.
T’is reason t’plan weel ahait, t’wouldn’t be?
I’ve found that people who like to drink lots of rum, many times fail at the planning well ahead part.
There are similar blue laws in NC, if you go to Wal-Mart just before midnight you can find dozens of people buying beer and wine trying to beat the midnight cutoff. ABC stores aren’t even open on Sundays. (ABC stands for Alcoholic Beverage Control, basically state run liquor stores. They are the only places in NC to get hard liquor, unless you know someone who “freelances”.)
Washington is set up that way too, although (as of 5 years ago) they don’t have a cutoff for beer and wine (24 hours a day, baby).
Wisconsin on the other hand will not sell alcohol of ANY kind after 9:00PM due to state law. We researched it and apparently the 9:00pm cutoff is to encourage those who don’t plan ahead to go to the bars in order to help bolster the huge bar industry in Wisconsin (Seriously, in the 3.7 miles between home an work there are now 18 bars… and that’s just the ones along the road I take).
I’m pretty sure Bars account for 40% of the entire consumer spending in Wisconsin. According to a fake, yet plausable statistic, there is 1 bar for every 5 people in Wisconsin.
Taco, what ELSE are you supposed to do in Wisconsin?
Hey now! We have brats, cheese, and football (for a few months) here too!
Oh and for 1 week in November dere’s a lot of huntin’ too, eh. We go lookin’ for dat dere 40 poin buck. It gets cold so ya gotta dress in dem layers, ya see? But dem bucks’s supposed to be runnin’ good dis year so ever’one gonna’ hav a good time dis year, eh.*
*My wife has an uncle who can literally talk about the weather during this year’s hunting trip for 3 hours before getting to the actual story he’s trying to tell about the 150 point buck he missed cause his rifle jammed. And sweet Gods, he’s got the accent.
In NC you can’t (legally) buy anything alcoholic (other than mouthwash) from after midnight on Saturday to before noon on Sunday. There are very few bars once you leave downtown; I think there’s only one or two within five miles of my house that are purely bars, maybe a handful more that are restaurants with bar service. I think that’s because it’s so hard to get a liquor license here, most smaller restaurants just stick to beer and wine (if they serve anything at all).
Taco, are you from/in Washington and/or Wisconsin? I am from Wisconsin and now in Washington. And I have been very, very drunk in both states. Not that you asked.
I’m from PNW Washington and moved to Wisconsin. I’ve similarly been drunk in both states, but it’s rather cheaper to be drunk in Wisconsin.
When my mother and father visit me here, my dad loads up on liquor because of the difference in cost.
I don’t blame him…*
*Snicker
Taco, you left off muskie fishing and snowmobiling. ๐
Anyone who has ever travelled on I-94N from Illinois and over the border into Wisconsin would think Wisconsin only offered cheese and pron.
Don’t forget fireworks, we’ve got lots of fireworks. Can’t actually set them off anywhere in the state, but you can buy all your want.
I thought WI was the only place with cheese pr0n
Cheese pron! That’s it! I couldn’t figure out what it was in Sparky’s… uh, … effluent that made the Amazing Shirt have that icky orangish crunchy texture to it. I was worried Sparky might need an antibiotic or something.
Ew ew ew ew ew… I had assumed cheese pron was just, ahem, ‘specialty literature’ featuring gouda getting all up in a vat of fondue or something, but now I’m imagining edible printed cheese slices with… unmentionables on them.
Brain bleach please? Boiling? A couple of bathtubs’ worth?
“…orangish, crunchy, texture…) —- Cheetos?
Bet ya can’t eat just one.
Don’t forget the “Bong Recreation Area” as well. I still laugh every time we pass the signs for it.
Or you can head south and stop off at “Big Bone Lick State Park” in Kentucky. It is located just off Beaver Rd.*
*This is, in fact, true. Very, very true.*
I’ve been through Big Bone Lick and French Lick. I stopped to take pictures of the signs in both places. I also have a picture from I-81 in PA for “Jim Thorpe Exit Now” and “Shamokin Pottsville.” Yep, it’s the little things that amuse me.
In case things named for the late fighter ace Major Bong needed any more tittering, his first name was Richard.
Tasteless is my favorite web denial category. Also isn’t there a time wasting category. God, I hope they never look too closely at this whole world-wide intertubes.
Sorry not to nest in proper order. Although we’ve reached sunny California, looks as if we won’t be establishing full computer connectivity for a few weeks. Maybe Bridgete would help me sue the Government and Comcast for my plight.
Windrose, Not.a.cup.of.coffee?
Appparrentllllyyy nooot. *hic*
This involves travel (Entire United States)
*Anagram fun*
Seventieth Lavender Slut Visitor Sea Tint (Last customer for the night turns blue)
Trit, Tuneless Alien, Over Shaved Tent Visit (Got a little carried away while probing)
Hitler Invites Venus, Desalinate Vest Trot (Dictator asks statue to fresh water dance)
Titus Volt, Invent T-shirt Venereal Disease (Dr. Volt puts a name to VD caught from Craigslist ads)
Tuna aliens? WHERE???
Not any more, Ihz eated them.
So much for our extensive work at SETI….
Which I had me some maguro (or toro) nom nom nom.
In all fairness, tekkamaki would be nice right now, even lame HEB sushiya tekka [le sigh]
I miss HEB ๐ Curse you Tom Thumb! And your high prices too!
And Cullem Bros used to be good grocers, before they got in the money biz.
You can go on the HEB web site and ask them to come to your town (or you could, once upon a time).
Actually, HEB and Tom Thumb have a non-competition contract so all we get in the DFW area is Central Market. Not that I mind in the least, but I’d like to shop without the temptation to spend $100 on cheese.
You know, I think Sparky is actually a diabolical genius. He doesn’t give f*art one about censorship or my missing financially important emails. He just wants to use everyone’s web access for free. So like, what is he going to do, wander the “entire United States” knocking on doors going, “Hi, I’m Sparky. I’m here to protect you. Can I use your internet?” (I am envisioning Sparky is a giant bug with a smarmy voice like on those Orkin commercials when the bug comes to deliver a pizza to get into the house.)
And, by the way, that would be George Orwell, not Orson Welles, who wrote 1984. Orson Welles is the guy who would sell no wine before its time. (He may have been in a couple radio shows and/or movies, too.)
Rosebud!
Yes, Rosebud frozen peas. Filled with country goodness and green pea-ness.
Wait, that’s terrible, I quit!
Ah, yes, I got this allusion! Kudos!
I have gone onto a better place: a place filled with Mrs. Pell’s Fish Sticks.
Yes, oh yes; they’re even better when you’re dead!
What on Earth is going on with your penis, Taco? A couple of days ago it was purple, now it’s green, at some point it may have had gray scales – I think you should get to a doctor before it turns black! Although the bag of frozen peas is probably a good idea in the interim. Keeps the swelling down. Possibly to the point where it looks like a rosebud, I wouldn’t know.
Taco, please do NOT answer this.*
*Thanks in advance for the entire YSaC crew.
Didn’t George Orwell also write the original War of the Worlds?
That was H.G. Wells.
George Orwell wrote Animal Farm and 1984.
I thought George Orwell made popcorn.
Nah, that was his second cousin, twice confused – Orwell Chickenflocker.
Anyone else getting an advert for taking government vacations? Seems like Google adjusted to the topic really quickly today.
Suspiciously quickly…
Mine is for getting a loan for $5000.
My ad says:
AOL
The Unabomber’s victims still live in fear….read more:
Where the heck is Kirby…..I hate you Vista.
I’m getting one for Jordin Sparks and Matthew Morrison!*
*Laughing!
I’ve got “Cambio Goes Home… Follow the stars home” Maybe for after you take that government vacation, so you can make it back?
I have Time Warner Cable.
I thought you had a Brazillion?
That’s* what I’m getting.
*Time Warner, not the Brazillion.
Ditto on TW, funny, closest TW is either Houston or Austin, a two hour drive.
I’ve got “cheap prices on top products”, which I’m cynically reversing to “top prices on cheap products”.
My Google is being generic today. Very generic, since the top products don’t even seem to be name-brand.
I’ve got something called Mariner Partners offering “Fiber to the Home.” I think my home gets plenty of bran already, thanks.
I’ve got
Alan Shapiro? Now that doesn’t sound like anyone we know…
I’m getting one for a book called “Naughty, but Nice”
I think this ad calls for a new entry into the YSaCitionary…
Sparkanoia, Just because you are Sparknoid doesn’t mean everyone isn’t out to get you on Craigslist.
Well, you’re a member of the wiki…go add it! ๐
Yeah, guess I should work on the wiki….it’s kind of hard to type since I burned two fingers of my right hand witha hot glue gun earlier…..
DO NOT MESS WITH HOT GLUE GUNS
Note: I was doing an art project with the hot glue gun. Chances are you will be burned more if you are just messing with one.
Ick. I’ve done that before. Unpleasant….
Did it involve macaroni?
Most likely cardboard.
Macaroni projects use that paste that tastes deeeeeee-licious!!!
It’s also inadvisable to touch fresh solder to see if it’s still hot.
Trust me, it will be.
Don’t touch a fresh soldier to see if he/she is hot, either. Trust me, he/she will be.
Mmmmm, fresh soldier…
The last time I went to the grocery store they were all out of fresh soldier. I was so disappointed, I had a coupon and everything.
Yeah, canned soldier just isn’t the same.
I heard that pickled soldiers are easy to come by, buy hard to swallow…
What?
I’ve had soldier in a tube and it wasn’t so bad….
*wink wink*
I’ve heard sailors go down easier.
What with the submarines and all.
Those are called grinders or dagwoods, not submarines.
hoagies and heroes and cheesesteaks, too
(clearly too many foodie-sparkoids out there, saw a sign for a “meatball cheesesteak” . . . )
To everyone from Philadelphia:
I eat my Philly cheeseteak sandwiches with Southwestern chipotle sauce on them because they’re really bland without it.
*Flees in terror, changes his name, lives in a cave*
Wouldn’t a cheeseteak sammich be kinda splintery?
Cursse!
**wants NMN to make him a page, because he was going to do it himself, then didn’t know where to start.**
Oh, you want a page in the wiki Astro?
Can I have one to? Pretty please?
Ooh me three! ๐
P.S – Christina – you dropped an ‘o’. Soon you’ll have the whole vowel set!
I .love.this. enough to break out of lurking and compliment you Dan! I read post description and go this must be by Dan and it always is! I think I like your style. I like drmk’s style too but Dan’s more. No offence intended drmk.
Ahoy, Oi! Welcome to de-lurked status. Please do stay around and comment with us.
Hi, oi. Welcome!
(Hint: throw some bees at the Llamanun to keep her happy).
Bees be upon you, Llamanun!
Thanks for the welcome! you guys are friendly bunch for sure! ๐
oh and which one is the llama nun post. SO many references to that but I can’t find it.
The Llamanun* is our webboss and benevolent ruler. She writes the posts that make the whole world snark. Well, the whole world of YSaC. Her partner(in-crime) is the Ostrimu, who authored today’s slice-o’-crazy.
There’s also a thread in the fora which can link you to the YSaCtionary, a co-operative Wiki which can explain a lot of these memes. ๐
*Bees be upon her.
ohh now that comment make sense. Where do I find the YSaCtionary now? Thanks in advance!
Fora (entitled ‘forums’ and can be found at the top of the page) -> YSaC Discussion -> Topic name = YSaClopedia. Easy as 3.14 Apple Pi. ๐
Why do I think Sparky wants me to do some breaking and entering?
For the duration of your employment your code name will be “Scapegoat”.
I misread part of this as “I have been IT over 20 years”, and thought “Dude, can’t you catch anybody? Did you miss the recess bell or something?” Poor Sparky had a bad childhood – always It, always the monkey in the middle, always having to seek while the other kids hadn’t bothered hiding, but just dashed off down the block to go watch TV in somebody’s basement.
Sometimes they played Pirates or head-hunters instead, and he hated that especially. You can guess what roles he got! Even his big brother didn’t help him out – heck, he may even have had a hand in it!
So now he’s hunting for clues on the interwebs, hoping to uncover something important, while the rest of us are all pretty much still having chips and cartoons in a rec room he can’t access, only he thinks the problem is taxes instead of someone’s Mom not knowing who the heck he is.
Sad, I tell you. Sad.
No, you have it all wrong.
He took over for the clown.
This post has made me feel so much better. I was feeling all paranoid because a celibate, 83-year-old, homophobic, misogynist man in a dress has come to my country on a ‘state’ visit despite not really being a head of state, and my taxes are paying for him not to get shot or whatever despite the fact that he’s the head of one of the richest organisations on the planet and he could pay for it himself. And he’s come over here and started insulting things I hold dear such as the right to think for yourself and not believe in God if you don’t want to. So I was all cross and upset and paranoid.
And then I read this post and thought, you know what? No matter how paranoid I am, I am never ever going to be as paranoid as this. Ever. Which is a bit of a relief.
*ahem*
Is that a dumbo rat? He’s/She’s adorable.
She looks dumbo in the photo but isn’t/wasn’t (sadly, a no-longer-with-us rat, but she was lovely). I’ve got 3 dumbo girls at the moment, though.
I had one of those rats once…we named him Spot. He loved vanilla wafers, would come when called, and spent a good deal of time watching television from my shoulder. Sigh….he lived to be four…quite old for a rat.
My offspring loves rats. She had a rat called Omias and a rat called Meeko; both just died within a month of each other. Now she’s got a hamster named Chibi and a new dumbo rat called Mimi.
So far, I’ve found out that hamsters are very, very dumb.
They are willfully dumb. The only thing that is arguably less intelligent than a turkey.
Dust is smarter than this one.
Now, TM, be fair, you mean domestic turkeys, the ones with almost no dark meat (except by cut).
Wild turkey are as different from farm-raised as bourbon is to gin.
Mmmm… Wild Turkey Bourbon…
Domestic fowl are not bred for their brains. I once startled a rooster and it ran repeatedly into the side of the henhouse trying to get away from me.
Indeed, wild turkeys are much more intelligent than their domestic brethren. Granted that’s like saying a potato is more intelligent than a rock.
[turkey ot] My maternal grandmother’s family ran a turkey farm. Some of her brothers thought it would be funny to get the turkeys drunk on elderberry wine (having already done so theirselves). They watched the turkeys stumble around and then it began to rain. They lost about half of the turkeys because the fowl little things looked up, opened their beaks, and drowned. [/ot]
Yup, I’ve seen that. They don’t even need to be drunk and they’ll drown in the rain. That’s why most turkey farms keep their turkeys in a large barn.
[relative stupidity ot] My relatives weren’t always the smartest turkey farmers. When they were growing up the older brothers convinced the youngest one (they called him Cradle) to jump off the barn room by telling him if he opened an umbrella as he jumped, it would act as a parachute. He did it. He broke his arm. 6 weeks later, the cast was off and the older brothers convinced Cradle that the reason it didn’t work the first time is he waited too long to open the umbrella. So he jumped again. He broke a leg that time. [/ot]
I also have an uncle who stole a cop car because he was too drunk to take the bus. It’s a wonder I can even read.
But that there “dude in a dress” has the bitchenist work uniform E-VAR. Lovin’ the red shoes!
[irrelevant personal share] My Mom is an uber-supporter of that particular organization and once when we were at the Indianapolis 500 he had just been to Indy like the week before. There was a vendor selling those fuzzy pimp hats, blow-up racecars, and leftover cheap felt pennants on a stick with pictures of that particular dude on them. All my sisters and I got one and carried them around. The drunken bubbas were all trying to figure out what the heck to make of us. We laughed until we cried. Mom did not see the snark but instead thought it was great and I believe still has them. [/irrelevant personal share]
Random fact: Those shoes are Prada, and I think we all know who else wears Prada.
That guy was supposed to come to Baltimore (nowhere near here) one time (this was actually the last guy, this was back in the 90s) and didn’t. They were selling all the leftover souvenirs super cheap at Building 19 (a local store that makes Walmart look classy). My dad bought a whole bunch for the lulz. He then proceeded to give them as gifts to my high school friends, several of whom were in the process of recovering from being raised in that persuasion.
I call my b-i-l a “recovering from-that-persuasion” dude…he is funny. Been
trapped byfollowing the daily proclamations of that persuasion (via his continual-candlelighting-mother) for 60 years.It’s like he’s awakened from a coma and needs to warn humanity about the invasion. Makes me laugh just watching him sometimes.
Unmonopitalized…yes…I like that.
“I refudiate your unmonopitalized strategery!”
[OT made brain hurt]
SyFy hurted my brain. Right after teasing me about soon-to-be-here new episodes of Caprica, they ran an ad for “Sharktopus” (which actually featured the word “kickasstastic” in cartoon lettering).
Humanity is duumd.
SyFy does have a crushing effect on any faith in humanity that grows back between its original movies.
Eureka, Warehouse 13, Caprica are some right high points in between some deep swampwater.
I’m not sure how much faith I would have in humanity that grew back between movies. Specifically, I wouldn’t have faith that it was humanity at all.
Is it wrong that I want to use “kickasstastic” in a sentence now?
I think the word “kickasstastic” is kickasstastic.
I’m going to use kickasstastic frequently now…..but my personality is screwed up like that.
Sharktopus vs. KittyShark?
I think Sharktopus wins this round.
For the record, I’ve read this a few times and my brain keeps wanting it to say “Sharkopotamus” which is substantially less frightening. Giggle inducing actually.
[zoological corey] Hippopotami are actually responsible for more human deaths than lions or Not. A. Lions, largely due to the fact that they are aggressive, unpredictable, and fiercely protective of their offspring. Steve Irwin, a man who regularly wrestled with ten foot long alligators and fondled venomous serpents like they were children’s toys, once stated in an interview that the scariest thing he ever did was cross a river, in a boat, downstream from a family of hippos. [/zoological corey]
More validation for getting rid of my tv.
If Sparky wants to pay me $400 an hour to pursue some fruitless task, I’ll do it. He could also paint my head purple and call me a grape for an extra $100.
If you’re a grape it isn’t fruitless then, is it?
I found a secret message hidden within this ad !
So it’s about free, illegal fireworks, and how to avoid detection from ‘The Man’.
Or maybe he justs wants a free soda?
Did anyone else think that this might be a draft of Sarah Palin’s next speech?
Plenty of paranoid with more than a hint of looney.
And we’re over 400 again. This page is officially bigger than my phone’s browser can support, so I’ll be back after a trip to the grocery store to ensure that we reach 500.
HAMMY!! I see our new table of elements, but it should go in “memes,” however I don’t know how to put it there.
I just finished editing it, feel free to move it where you want, although I don’t think they are memes.
Please everyone add things to it!
Dammit! I don’t want to add another reason to not do the dishes to my already long list!
In all seriousness, if I think up some good’uns, I’ll post them in the YSaClopedia thread in the forum, fair enough?
It takes the same effort to put the on the Wiki as it does to put them in the forum.*
*I know, girls a logic…
Girls a logic? Is that a geeky version of Girls A Gogo? (Which I always picture as a takeaway shop with scantily-clad women being handed out in kebab wrappers…)
Girls a Logic is the name of my Goo Goo Dolls cover band.
No, I’ve typed so much today my letters are starting to fall off the page.
*Here I found them…nd…*
P.S. Girls A GoGo is a new product from ex-lax.
Would be just as easy if I was a wiki member, but I’m not and the laptop is out of juice. I’m already a forum member so, yes, it is easier. But it’s also past my bed time, so no more snark for m-zzzzzzzzz…
Come on, Kirby…..
Ahhh screw it.
Oh dear Llamanun, 446 comments already! I need to go to bed 5 minutes ago, I don’t have time to read that much. I spent my lunch break today just catching up on what I missed yesterday after I went to bed, so I didn’t get to look at today’s post until now. Don’t you people have anything better to do? : P
(I was on the phone w/ my sister, otherwise I would have been here earlier. She’s checked out the posts here, but hasn’t dipped into the comments yet. Can anyone recommend a good comment day for someone new to get the feel of the place?)
Do we have better things to do? YES. Do we want to do them? NO! Speaking for myself, of course.
I think the classics are the best way to start out the site. Tell her to look at the original not.a.lion and the nacho cheese fountain. Warn her not to be drinking anything.
I like the Not.A.Lionel, too.
If she works her way through the posts on the 8 Suckiest tab that should give her a good start.
Totally O/T but every time I see today’s title, my brain first processes it as “**Error: Out of Cheese** despite me knowing quite well that’s not what it says.
Just goes to show it must be FRIDAY!!! Two-and-a-half-hours-to-go, two-and-a-half-hours-to-go…
No fair, you’re in the future!
Hmm…something tells me my boss won’t accept “It’s Saturday in New Zealand” as a call-in excuse tomorrow.
Fortunately, I’m taking the day off. If I don’t comment much it will be because I’m in a much-needed coma …
If it’s any consolation, christina, Jen will be having Monday when we’re having the weekend here. See, it all works out in the end!
Hey, lookit the box! New resident, I think. Jessabell, wake up and get your YSaC card ready. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Untied States!
I know some of you stay up late and play lasties and such. Just keep it down, okay?
Well, which do you want? Staying up or keeping down? ๐
MrEB is watching a show about exterminators, and the current thing is on bed bugs… The narrator says the girl got her bed and couch from “and internet website for a really good deal” and then later she says “I was just trying to get a good deal on cr——t”. So… Yeah, there you go, somebody bought the mattress from yesterday and put the poncho on it. :-p