YSaC, Vol. 790: Now I lay me down to squick …
King size foam mattress. – $50
Need too sell this mattress asap. This is a really comfy mattress. It IS REALLY dirty, Once someone cleans it it’ll be great. On the sides, the thing is starting too go out. but it works, and once you put a sheet on you’ll hardly notice! (that’s not a stain by the pillow, its from the lighting)
Thank goodness that isn’t a stain up by the pillow; that would have been a dealbreaker, unlike the other huge stains on the rest of the mattress which are perfectly fine and not worrisome at all.
Queen Bed – $200
Queen Bed Mattress, Box Spring, and Black Bed Wood Frame/Headboard. $200 OBO
Pro tip for Craigslist sellers: When taking pictures of beds for sale, it helps if you make the bed before taking a picture of it. Also, please move the tissues used for, um, quiet shirt time.
Thanks, Madeline and AM!
Used mattress showroom? Urine it!
I LOVE yellow!!!!
That doesn’t look very yellow. Maybe he should drag the mattress to his urologist first.
…or to the local CSI lab.
Ick. That thing would glow like a nightlight.
You’re right! It’s a bed AND a nightlight. The price should go up then.
But is it haunted?
Yes, by the ghost of his aunt who died on it.
[gross mattress corey] I once knew a guy who had done deliveries or something for furniture places and said that they would haul away old mattresses after delivering the new ones … reportedly, the ones belonging to long-term (married or not) couples were the most disgusting. [/gross mattress corey]
Looks like the “Giant Adult diaper of doom” to me…
Or GADD!!! for short
‘Bout time you showed up Hammy.
PAM!!!!!! HAM is here!!!
Yeah, work actually expects me to work on occasion…
I think my boss needs a “new” mattress for his office.
Hammy! Why didn’t you just tell your boss that I was more important than silly work?
Once you put a sheet on it your boss will hardly notice!
I have to work to afford you, vegetable oil doesn’t grow on trees you know…errr
That’s E-V-O-O! Never refer to it as vegetable oil Mr. Pork in a Can.
š
Oh, I see what you did there. I forgot about Paula Dean Pam.
Carry on…
Well, I suppose so. Just don’t think you can replace me with that new-fangled Teflon! There’s nothing better than a good spritz of butter-flavored me…
āGiant Adult diaper of doomā
Cool band name of the day?
Performing their smash hit:
I’ve Gotta Take A Massive Dump (And Put My Mattress In It)
Ew.
Thanks, Astro.
I know you don’t want to know what’s on the “flip” side.
Yet, the candormanās posts always draw the most comments. And reading all of this has absolutely made my day : )
How do you tame a narcissistic extrovert terrorizing your, what would be, clickish and predictable thread?
You canāt. Why would you want to? Someone has to do itā¦otherwise who would read this āday by dayā? I do give you all breaks though, so appreciate the days Iām absent. But beware, the candorman is always lurking where/when you least expect him. Could be a post from a month ago, could be something you mistyped.
Using ācrudeā language doesnāt make one ignorant. I call you ācandor hatersā the ignorant ones. A word is a word. If you chose to use less than me, then your vernacular is handicapped like a homeless man trying to buy a car.
However, I can agree that certain words are cliche and neednāt be typed. I donāt type those ones. But come now childrenā¦how old are we? We canāt take a little swearing from time to time? You should try it my prudish audience, it might just change your life. Those of you that arenāt prudes, understand the undertones, mockery, and here/there movie quotes.
It takes all types to make a thread.
So, the next time you stub your toe. Try some of the candor I offer, and see if that pain doesnāt subside promptly.
Iām too lazy to reply to the chaos that was this beautiful thread, which now hosts well over 400 comments, so I will see you all when my egobar has drained a tick ; )
[candorman]Yeah, you guys are all *$^^^% jerks[/candorman]
“your vernacular is handicapped like a homeless man trying to buy a car.”
Wait, what?
ROFL
GOD, YOU THINK YOU’RE SO F***ING CLEVER TROLLING AN INTERNET GROUP, DON’T YOU? YOU’RE SUCH A UNIQUE LITTLE SNOWFLAKE, YOU’RE SUCH A HERO. YOU’LL SURELY GO DOWN IN THE HISTORY BOOKS FOR ANNOYING THOSE TRYING TO HAVE A BIT OF FUN. BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT. KEEP BEING ABRASIVE WITHOUT PROVOCATION, I’M SURE YOU’LL EARN LOTS OF FRIENDS AND JOB OPPORTUNITIES THIS WAY.
It’s not the “bad language” it’s randomly insulting the group, throwing things out like “your mom’s a whore” for no good reason other than to be a little punk.
We’re not a clique, we welcome in anyone who has a sense of humor and doesn’t act like an asshat.
Don’t try to turn YSaC into another 4chan or Failblog or Youtube-comment-section.
Aww, you hurt him in the feelings. Also, I found this hilariously funny because I keep imagining it as a tiny wee rat with unblubler yelling and screaming and pointing said unblubler emphatically at a drunken splay-legged kitteh.
While I agree whole heartedly with what Silva just said, there is a very simple solution to this little infestation. You see, unlike poncho lice, which require the “kill it with fire” approach (or the robot moose approach), comment lice require nothing so caustic. We simply need to let them be, ignore their presence and eventually the problem goes away. Oh sure, they are tricky lil buggers, and some might consider this a challenge and stick around for a while. But trust me, without validation, they will eventually starve and seek nourishment elsewhere.
I love that YSaC makes “don’t feed the trolls” into a paragraph of erudite prose. š
Ego is right, Cat Doorman. Your ego thinks you are the reason for the high number of comments? Nice try, but as a point of actual fact it’s due to the topic of the thread (you got a hell of a lot less attention than a couple of spoojy mattresses) and the fact that the page has plenty of input even when you’re not here. If you’d observed here much (or at all, really) you’d know this isn’t the first time and won’t be the last that we have this many – and more, and it will have exactly f***-all to do with you. FFS.
Thus endeth the feeding of the troll.
Pic #2, near the tissues. Is that a mousetrap? Careful about getting up on the wrong side of the bed!
Oh Lou, silly, that’s a slipper…for Marquis de Sade.
[corey]I’m pretty sure it’s a book.[corey]
I hope you use the term “book” loosely. I like to refer to it as inspirational material.
I zoomed in on it with my hyper technological image processing software that I got from the future, and I now know what the book is:
“The love of shirts: 1001 pictures of the hottest shirts ever produced by the textile industry.”
Ew.
Are you suggesting Sparky can read or that he put it there to look all intellekshoo-ul?
I don’t think he bought it for the thought-provoking articles.
christina, it’s all pictures, specifically targeted at Sparkies who can’t read.
TO GRAMPDADDY:
Thanks. As for CM’s abuse, I just assumed it was meant for NMN. But also I assume that abuse from CM is a GOOD thing; do we want his approbation? Ick.
The last few days have reminded me why I do not teach high school any longer. I had some students just like this guy.
Ditto on the goodness of this group.
I’ll sell you my bed bug collection for $50!
Here are the facts…let’s make your skin crawl, muahaha.
Bed bugs are brought into a home on infested furtniture or in luggage and personal belongings after staying in infested lodgings. In apartment buildings, townhouses, hotels, and other connected dwellings bed bugs can migrate from one infested unit into another via electrical wiring, plumbing, and adjoining walls.
ā¢ Female bed bugs lay 1-5 eggs after each blood meal (yes, they feast on humans while we sleep), and can lay a total of 200 eggs during its lifetime of approximately 9 to 18 months!
ā¢ Bed bugs can survive over 6 months between blood meals if a host is not available.
ā¢ They don’t mind migrating to the humblest of homes, resorts, hotels, and/or mansions.
ā¢ Generally, bed bugs are nocturnal, feeding when their host is asleep but will adjust their feeding habits to match the sleeping habits of the host.
ā¢ It takes a bed bug about 5-10 minutes to finish a blood meal. The bites are painless, so the host is unaware they are being feasted upon. (males…they don’t mind where they bite. If you sleepy nakey you risk your snakey.) haha
MOST IMPORTANTLY – Evidence of Bed Bug Activity!:
– Waking up with red, itchy bug bites. Bed buts are intermittent feeders and may feed, then move to a “new spot” (could be your weiner!) and feed again.
– Dark spotting of walls, mattress, and other places where they hide, e.g. cracks, crevices, nooks, and crannies.
– Your mother is a cankerous whore (okay, I added that one)
– Visual sightings of bed bugs. These should be collected in a zip lock bag, and identified by a knowledgeable individual (so not taco).
I bet you’ll all sleep well tonight.
~sits back in his chair feeling accomplished, yet, remains coy~
I don’t know if anyone else has said this, but I don’t like it. Candorman, do you see any of us using gratuitous language or curse words? No? Then stop doing it yourself. You’re pissing me off. Don’t make me make LRC come after you with her poncho. Also, if that’s true information, use corey tags, please.
OK, NMN, you have to play nice, too.
I agree about Candorman’s posts, which often sound pretty hostile.
CM, if you’re reading this, please take this as constructive criticism, and please post comments that are kinder and gentler. We enjoy people who seem to like our company and want to be friends; namecalling and street language can make us cranky (as you see!)
Wow, stufu. That was funny, you’re just a prude. In fact, these threads are so white, I can smell your snuggies from here. I bet you can’t shop without using 5 coupons. If I can’t say cankerous whore and weiner, then I’m out. The prudes will always win Lebowski, the prudes will always win.
Allright, I’ll play nice too.
*Highfives NMN*
Also, I think I just figured out who Danny is.
What is that, and where do I get one?
It’s one of the shirts sold by one of my favorite web comics:
Dr. McNinja
NMN, I’m proud of you.
Is it Corey? Matt? Freedom Fred? Candorman? Me?
Replying to TM’s “I think I know who Danny is.”
Hey now, NMN. Only I get to decide who to swat with the Mighty Death Poncho of Shame ™. I refuse to share my power!
Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
There is only one true master of the Mighty Death Poncho of Shame, and she does not share power!
I want that hoodie. A shark that is unable to ignore the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. It’s such a political statement veiled in a heart-warming format.
Did you find that on your Miley Cyrus website TM?
I live in a city that already has bedbug problems. If I’m concerned I have them, I’ll use teh interwebz for getting my own info (nyc.gov probably has pages just for this). Or call 311. But thanks, Candor Corey!
PS: As for being prudish – I think The Line might beg to differ on that.
Yeah, ditto what everyone else said…hell, if I wanted to get into fights I’d spend more time elsewhere…..I come here for the fun and the camaraderie…if you can’t leave it at the door, I suggest you stay out…just a thought.
*Points up a few posts*
Dr. McNinja, actually. He’s got a bunch of really fun shirts/hoodies (Like the chainsaw nunchaku). Someday Imma buy some.
[corey box] Re: Bed bugs; we keep a healthy population of spiders in the house to keep such critters away, also helps with the moths that come in the bird seed, and the rare flea that thinks we might be a tasty alternative to cat. We have not had roaches or any insectoid infestation except ants, and they are easily dealt with using Avian Insect Liquidator or Sevin Dust. [/corey]
[more bug corey]We get those creepy gray centipede things that are quick as lightning and like to drop down on you from the ceiling when you walk under them.
Yeah, we’re thrilled to find those in the house. Actually, our being squicked out by them is unfortunate because they are predators of many household bugs, which is why they come into the house in the first place.
The only thing worse is when I find a silver fish and spend the next three weeks paranoid about them.[/corey]
Wow — I felt like I walked into the wrong place for a few minutes. It looked like the Snark Lounge; didn’t feel like it.
*pats Artsy*
I think the infestation may be over now. Flask?
The infestation is over now! Sammiches for everyone!*
*I actually am eating two sammiches at the moment.
Two sammiches? How do you get all of that meat in your mouth at once?
What?
Thanks Lola — maybe the flask will help with the Bronchitis — it’s driving me crazy!!
I don’t know how to respond to that….anyone?
Poor Artsy. Would you like a poncho? On the sides, the thing is starting to go out, but once you cover it with a sheet, you won’t notice a thing.
NMN: I suggest you respond to Lola by simply saying “Practice” with a big evil leer. Or perhaps, “Well, my mouth is one of the largest orafices on my body, so it’s not that bad”.
(The line’s still on vacation, right?)
Was there ever really a line? How do you know?
Does anybody really know what line it was? Does anybody really care? About the line? If so, I can’t imagine why; we’ve all got snark enough to let it by.
LRC: Obviously not fighting snark. Supposedly we’re all running around here with virgin ears and wearing white Snuggies*.
*I can only speak for myself and this is all most positively, definitely, absolutely true. I’m so white I’m invisible!
Obviously, it’s a Not.a.Line.
Who’s line is it anyway?
To be fair, though, I’m usually white as paper, and I did just put on my pink snuggie… What? It’s cold at my desk!
I think NMN actually had to get a bit harsh. Just a few days ago, Innana tried to politely suggest that Candorman’s commenting style was not appreciated. And over the last few weeks, others have done the same. These suggestions were not heeded. Also, I think if NMN hadn’t been harsh today, I probably would have done the same quite soon. Actually, I may have been even worse. You all probably would have thought someone else had taken over my keyboard. The guy was about to set off my temper — the kind of temper that can only result from a combination of Irish blood and Aries birth date. It’s a truly frightening combination and I really didn’t want to show that side of myself to all of you (it took me two years to learn to control it), so I’m really glad it’s been said now and maybe the Bridgete temper can remain dormant. š
Snuggies are pretty damn comfortable. It’s like wearing a blanked but with the added benefit of having sleeves! I don’t know what I did before the snuggie!
If only they had created some kind of warm, blanket-like cloak to use after showers or before bed! What did we ever do before the snuggie? I feel so robed… er… robbed.
Anyone else read the last part of Bridgete’s post with a “HULK SMASH!” voice in their heads?
Snuggies are like wearing a __________ed?
Also, pertaining to “tempers,” you havn’t seen my temper yet. I have no intention of showing my temper, as the rant to Condorman was merely a scratch on the surface. Condorman was spelled like this on purpose.
At least with Snuggies you don’t have to worry about the belt dunk into the toilet.
EB: Who’s —> Whose
Hehe, SJ, that’s pretty much exactly what was going through my head :-p And Taco, just wear your snuggie backwards like I do! :-p (Yes… I’m wearing my snuggie backwards. The AC vents point at my back, and it’s more socially acceptable than a bathrobe :-p)
Now I may have to find a Hulk avatar for when I’m getting angry. š
You wanna see anger? Try pissing off an Apache woman….yeah, that’s me……or at least half of me…the other half?
British…sheesh..what a combo.
Candorman always made me feel like I was wearing wool underwear…all skritchy and uncomfortable.
Looks like a few of you felt the same way.
Weird how one can get a vibe simply from what is typed on a computer screen, isn’t it?
Gosh, I love you guys!
CJ – so you get really upset about the fact that your food is awful?
Among other things, LRC…
I’m imagining a great scene in your head about British imperialism, the colonization of America, small pox, tea tax, and scalping. This is the sort of thing they should have shown more of on Monty Python’s Flying Circus.
Man, I didn’t even think the Brits made Apache helicopters!
Me? I’m of mostly* Scottish descent, so when I get angry I drink a lot then go looking for an Irishman to fight with.
*By mostly I mean my mother’s family is a little Scottish, but mostly Norwegian, and my dad’s family is almost entirely Scottish, except for my great, great grandfather who was a Native Canadian (Mi’kmaq tribe).
See, LRC, you get it…doesn’t take much before I’m set to go all native on people….
I daresay the natives would have stood a better chance if they’d had those terrible bunnies to help them fight off the Brits.
Look at the bones!
I don’t know my heritage, but I know my astrological sign. I’m a Gemini.*
*I will interpret the sign as this: I have two personalities, the first is what you see here, the other appears when I get mad.
“HULK SMASH!!!”
(….and we’ve circled back :-p)
Perhaps it is my upbringing; perhaps it is but circumstance, but, I have always taken Act 4, Scene 7 of henry V as guide on how to be angry:
Something about nothing being so becoming as gentle meekness, and being able to replace that with summoned blood, stiffened sinews and the visage od a Not.A.Lion
With regards to a couple of comments above, is Candorman a past tense? Because I know his posts make me tense, and I’d like that to be in the past.
:Makes mental note to never anger the Capn:
Whirlwitch:
I think so, looked a lot like a rage-quit to me; which I’m told is all the rage among the youth of today.
Isn’t there a “Punished by UnFriending” t-shirt out there amid our yutes on the inter-tubes?
Or did the local t-shirt shop actually have an original (non-copyrighted. non-trademarked) idea?
Way to keep that alive, mudsy!!
I learned everything I know about irrational, paranoid anger from Oedipus Rex!
That was funny, youāre just a prude.
No Candorman, it wasn’t funny. Perhaps you don’t have the depth of understanding to differentiate between humor, snark, or subtle comments and crude behavior. However, you have been asked to “clean up your act” more than a couple of times and you seem to be unable to grasp the concept.
So, if you’re out – bye. As the saying goes, don’t let the door hit….
I doubt any of our lives will be less because of your absence.
Also, about the Snuggie:
I’ve never encountered a Snuggie, so I’m not quite sure how big they are, but I have a Comfy that my husband got me for our anniversary last year, and I LOVE it! It’s better than a bathrobe because it’s bigger, so it covers my whole body with material to spare. It’s nice to be able to lie on the couch with only my face and my fingers exposed to the cold (to me, but not to my husband) air. That way I can hold a book or eat, etc. without having to worry about a blanket slipping off.
Ok, that turned out a bit long. Sorry about the rant.
Three comments:
1) I would like to apologize to everyone on YSaC if I was out of line with my previous comment. I don’t want to be offensive – we are a community here. When any of us have “stepped on toes”, we have always treated each other with respect and tolerance and learned from the experience.
2) Innana – I am sorry that you took the brunt of the abuse earlier. It was totally undeserved. I admire your ability to speak out the other day, and again today. I feel that I should have supported your comment the other day but didn’t because I thought the message was clear enough. Thank you for speaking honestly.
3) NMN – You also deserve a “thank you’ for speaking up. I do question your comment about any of us using ‘gratuitous’ vulgarity – I think almost all of us are pretty darn good at it! š (Otherwise, why would the line be cowering in the corner, weeping?) You do, however, understand the difference and the heart that guides our interactions on this site.
I am humbled by the goodness of this group….. Thank you all.
Who can take the snark lounge, tell us all to screw
Cover it with BS and a cuss word or two
The Candorman, oh the Candorman can
The Candorman can ’cause he mixes it with slurs and thinks we all are prudes
Who can call them homos, wrap it in a lie
Sneak in a pun and make himself feel coy
The Candorman, the Candorman can
The Candorman can ’cause he mixes it with slurs and thinks we all are prudes
The Candorman makes everything he types dissatisfying and malicious
Now you talk about your childish hissy, he canāt even follow simple wishes
Oh, who wonāt be here tomorrow, steppinā on our fun
Weāll separate our sorrow and collect up all the puns
The Candorman, oh the Candorman wonāt
The Candorman wonāt ’cause he mixes it with slurs and thinks we all are prudes
The Candorman makes everything he types dissatisfying and malicious
Now you talk about your childish hissy, he canāt even follow simple wishes
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, who wonāt be here tomorrow, steppinā on our fun
Weāll separate our sorrow and collect up all the puns
The Candorman, the Candorman wonāt
The Candorman wonāt ’cause he mixes it with slurs and thinks we are prudes
Yes, the Candorman wonāt ’cause he mixes it with slurs and thinks we all are prudes
a- Candorman, a- Candorman, a- Candorman
Candorman, a- Candorman, a- Candorman
Candorman, a- Candorman, a-Candorman
**golf clap**
I guess Sparky the budding entrepreneur didn’t get enough from his t-shirt so he decided to sell his … “workshop”.
I sure hope he doesn’t try to sell his safty equipment then.
I just hope he doesn’t offer to demonstrate the safety equipment to potential buyers.
Oooh…TM was saying “safety”! Here I thought he typo-ed the word “salty”. And I wasn’t going to go there.
Maybe he meant the shafty equipment?
*Does the safty dance*
[benefit of the doubt]Maybe the second poster is just getting over a cold? OR has allergies? I actually have a thing of lotion right next to my box of tissues on my desk at work, and they both have totally innocent reasons to be there… Mainly that Utah is the freaking desert, and it’s dry here :-p [/benefit of the doubt]
*does a shifty dance*
I cAn Do A sHiFtY dAnCe ToO, yOu KnOw.
qikdr7dcqaik t5u803e 32w9t5uj8 jmitgw
(And I can type with mugs)
*does the salty dance*
io can m typoe wiotuh my m,.opinm ster canm! buiyt i oinm lkyu have oinbme canm.,
(I think I might even be able to decipher that…)
I’ll take a stab at it: You were typing with your monster can?
Indeed I was, christina… But I only have one monster can, so my right hand was holding the can and my left hand could type :-p
*does the salty dance*
Is that what they are calling the lambada now-a-days down to america del sol? {G}
re: the ‘safty/salty’ dance
It is getting close to “Talk Like a Pirate Day” so perhaps Mudsy and Taco were getting ready to talk (and dance) like seamen.
OK Hammy, your turn.
I don’t know. Is the salty dance forbidden?
No thanks, no Grampdaddy sloppy seconds for me!
*already headed for the corner*
Carpal tunnel wrist brace for sale. Take it for free!
Lou: per your wrist brace, I refer you to Sparklepost #1:
This has probably already been said in one form or another, but I can’t think of anything else to say.
Was this ad posted by t-shirt guy?
It might have been his friend, Incontinent Man.
And their young ward (this is an old joke)…..Master Bates.
Must have been that kid, what was his name? Norman?
He was a real Mama’s boy.
Earler I was going to say:
“And their sidekick, Masturboy!!”
Too far past the line earlier, but looking at current comments, I’d say I’m safe.
Oh, no one special—just drmk in her post commentary.
Thanks anyway, I’ll just sleep standing up.
By the way, what does Sparky mean by “On the sides, the thing is starting too go out. but it works”? What is this “thing” that is starting to go out of the mattress, and how exactly does it work? On second thought, I don’t think I want to know.
I think he was talking about his penis.
*line crossed*
I thought he was talking about his hammer.
That’s not his hammer. His hammer is his penis.
These are not the hammer.
..
..
..
The hammer is [his] penis.
Edit: Agh, beaten by LRC…
Nobody gets between me and my Whedonverse
If I had a hammer
I’d pound it in the mor-or-ning.
I’d pound it in the evening
All over this….
What?
I pound my meat about once a week.
What? I buy cheap steaks for my curry, and they need to be tenderized :-p
His penis goes out on the side? Must be uncomfortable to give and receive.
“out on the side”
sidewalk?
side yard?
side car?
It steps out on him and finds satisfaction elsewhere when their relationship is “strained.”
Maybe he wears it to the side?
Left or right pant leg?
Maybe it’s a comb-over.
Try picturing that.
I don’t even have one, and that makes me say “Ow.”
DON’T FLIP THE MATRESS OVER! DON’T LOOK AT THE OTHER SIDE!
Nobody deserves to have to see shirt stains in the shape of the face of Mary.
Just had a flashback of the movie “Four Rooms”
[mattress corey] The “thing” that is “starting too go out” on the sides are the mattress coils. That’s what that bulge in first picture is. Once they start to deform like that, it means the mattress’ life as a functional piece of furniture is pretty much over.[/mattress corey]
I think this mattress’ life as a functional piece of furniture is over anyway.
Yes, the “soaked in squickiness” factor has pretty much ruined it as well. From a purely structural standpoint though, you would probably get a better night’s sleep from a bed cobbled together from discarded hale bales.
from discarded hale bales
Cannot stop laughing.
Have kin in Hale Co., Texas. The weather in that part of the Panhandle frequently includes hail, which confuses those not familiar with the region; or prompts questions about “olden days” spelling.
Also [corey] “hay” is cut whole cereal grasses. These are then bundled into compact shapes for handling. “Straw” is made up of stems or stalks of crops after the nutritional portions are removed. Thus, “hay” is used for feeding purposes; “straw” is for bedding (and certain forms of house construction).
[/corey]
Also, “hale” would not seen to describe the above-listed bedding in any way, shape, or form (and makes me sore afraid for meeting “hearty” i nthe worst possible ways).
I think I’d still rather sleep on hail than one of these mattresses…
Dang it. You’re right, Cap’n, that was supposed to be “hay” not “hale”, but I meant straw.
:kicks keyboard:
Stupid non-psychic keyboard. I knew what I meant, why didn’t you?
Really? I’ve never seen hay before, so I wouldn’t know.*
*Not exactly true. Who am I kidding, theres a bunch of hay bales not even a quarter of a mile from my house.
Oh, hale no! I am not sleeping on a mattress stuffed with…hail, hale, hay, or gawdknowswhat (as in pic #1)….hale no, hail no, hay no….
Don’t worry SJ, my wife and I have been plotting a straw bale house for years (we own land, the trick is money/time to get house built). I know the difference between hay and straw really well, and I’m still sometimes hearing the words “hay bale house” come out of my mouth.
Kind of like I still tend to use “army” as a synonym for “military”, despite a) knowing better, and b) having friends in different branches of the armed forces. Did you know folks in the air force or in the navy get really upset if you accuse them of being in the army?
Do NOT suggest that a Marine is in the Army, either. I once joked that my brother in law (a Marine) could kill me using nothing but his underwear. He cocked an eyebrow and asked what he would need underwear for.
But not nearly so irate as Marines do (they respond equally poorly to “soldier” also).
Dang, Andie beat me to it.
(And shirt stays may not “count” as u/w)
Good luck with the bale structure, Ww. One of my mother’s cousins built his garage and workshop that way, and was quite pleased with it. That was about 15 years ago and from what I know it’s doing fine.
CapnMac and Andie, I guessed that Marines would get upset about it as well, but if you recall I’m Canadian, and we haven’t got any of those, so I couldn’t really speak to it from personal experience.
And you should never say soldier to an airgirl, but I did enjoy questioning her use of the term airgirl.
Actually, Andi wouldn’t recall, being new – “Hi, Andie!”
I work with a lifelong (is there any other kind?) Marine…and God forbid you should call him “soldier”.
I thought that in Canada, they were all just “Forces”
(But, I may still be confused from one too many briefings with RCN personnel, too)
Those aren’t stains. The mattress is from Sealy’s lesser known master artist inspired line. I believe this particular design was called “Jackson Pull*ock”
And here I thought it was from Pee-casso.
No, looks more like a Rubbins to me.
Elebenfinity doors and intertubez for you, Windrose.
That’s a LOT of Rubbins then! Hours and hours and hours of painstaking hand-i-work.
Ah, you mean Peter-Pull Rubbins, noted for his nude chubbies.
*nods sagaciously*
Those “paintings” are hard ons, you know.
I think my work is done here.
You beat [I’ll raise you one pun] Bianchi to it NMN.
DAMN!!!! Strike that from the record!
Many doors to penguin, mudsy, and WR!
I see your beaten pun, and I’ll raise you one free black (pea)cock.
“Peter-Pull Rubbins” ?
I’m confused – I thought Peter-Pull made candy bars. You know – like Almond Joy – they’ve got nuts, mounds don’t.
Hey penguin! Long time no snark! I’m waiting for your Willie, football and beer analogy š
No, I think that’s the artistic work of Jordan McKenzie and his mattress version of his “spent” works.
There’s a possibility that it’s from Warhol’s “oxidation”* series, but the Warhol estate isn’t talking.**
*Oxidation of what? you may ask. Don’t ask.
**[art/commerce corey]The Warhol estate is often accused of refusing to authenticate works that were previously strongly believed authentic (and in some cases, previously authenticated by the estate) in order to drive up the value of the works which they currently hold[/art/commerce corey]
Oxidation is rust, right? And….only metal rusts….so I’m going to say the springs are rusty?
*Pats NMN on the head*
You just keep thinking that. It’ll all be juuuuust fine.
[kinda squicky art corey] In the Warhol case, it referred to oxidation of the, er, media used in creation of the paintings. Certain materials with, say, reputed ammoniac qualities were applied to materials in order to create a chemical reaction, resulting in the “paintings”/”art” (and I use quotes as someone who likes modern art, as indication that I think this was Warhol’s idea of a joke on critics and collectors, even more so than usual).
Reportedly the “paintings” had to be aired for some time before being offered for sale. [/kinda squicky art corey]
As for art with actual beds in it, with or without rusty springs, I refer you to Tracey Emin or various of the things by Kienholtz.
Just don’t Google “Warhol Oxidation Paintings”. They are not about rust.
Well, there you go sj. Now I will HAVE to Google it.
Oh wait….I remember the Warhol guy, he used…..oh…ew.
Fun fact about rust! If you get a sliver of anything metal in your eye, you get rust stains in your eye really, really quickly. And if you do get a rust stain in your eye, they have to take an Optho-Burr, which looks like a little dremel tool, and basically dig out the rust bits. [/eyeball corey]
Yet another image stuck in my head that I didn’t want. Anyone have a palate cleanser handy?
Going back to the modern art thread from a few weeks ago: It should come as no surprise that I like the “piss painting” but only when I forget what it is I’m actually looking at.
Oh. My. God. EB, you made me shudder.
And now tonight’s nightmare will prominently feature the Optho-Burr.
Palate cleanser to the rescue!!
Too long, never mind.
Meh, just go to Google and type in “cute puppies.”
Just don’t ever get anything in your eye, Bridgete :-p I had to take MrEB to the ER with a thorn in his eye, and the doctor joked about having the nurse grab the drill…. And then it turned out to not be a joke, after all. I wish I had taken pictures and/or video….
Duly noted.
*shudders again*
Mwa-ha-ha! My work here is done!*
*This may not actually be true. Anybody else have any medical-related nightmares they want to hear about? O:-)
So Warhol pizzed on media and called it art? Hell, my 3-yr. old grandson does that with regular, gleeful, abandon….he’s being potty-trained and so far both his daddy and grandpa have taught him the finer points of “marking” one’s territory in the yard.
Oh geeze… I will have to make sure that Mini never learns about that… Some husband of mine will get a thwapping if he teaches Mini about peeing on anything but cheerios in the toilet.
[oxidation corey] Well, techinically, anything that recombines with oxygen is said to oxidize.
Now, one of the more common ways we see this is with metals. That’s because we refine and purify metals, removing oxygen content as part of the process.
Rather than “rust” is can be better to use the term “corrode” since that applies to metals other than the merely ferrous ones.
The patina on copper or bronze is oxidation. We coat sheet steel in zinc so that the zinc corrodes rather than the steel (the process is called galvanizing).
But, chemsitry is all around us, and so is oxgyen, it wants to get into every thing.
When a match is ‘struck’ oxidation is ocurring. Which is probably something that first mattress is well overdue for (as long as I’m upwind of that conflagration).
[/corey]
To be specific, he (and others) whizzed on copper-treated canvases, and left the results to dry, oxidize, and, later, be sold.
Sometimes he painted on top of the oxidation, per the portrait of Basquiat, seen on this link about 2/3 down.
http://dcartnews.blogspot.com/2006_10_01_archive.html
Sweet clothespin jeebus! What passes for art!
Sorry – for anyone who clicks, that should be 1/3 down. I’m getting more caffeine now.
I think they’re awesome!
Call me an Avant-garde snob.
So… piss on art is avante garde? How much can I get for the skid-marked undies my child makes?
Cap’n, burning the mattress waaaaaay down wind is about the only reasonable suggestion.
Does foam burn?
I thought Avante Garde was French for bullshit?
Mudsy – you’re an avant-garde snob.
You’re welcome!
Of all the times to not have Fireman Steve-O here.
Certain kinds of furniture foam burn “like gasoline”–which, if memory serves, is caused by the chemicals used to create the bubbles which make the foam.
There are so many foams no used in the furniture biz, it’s hard to keep track. Also, gray-market retailing makes a hash of proscriptive regulations, so, a furniture showroom fire is considered a HazMat fire until proven otherwise.
And this beyond the “minor issue” of how burning cotton gives of some toxic fumes of its own.
Really, medical incineratior, and better yet, lava, would the best–other than the wrestling either of these down stairwells that Murphy would require to be 5-to-7 story walkups, all in the joys of HazMat suits . . .
At least we know where the stoners wound up after they got too baked to clean the kitchen . . .
Burning cotton is toxic?
Somehow this seems like it would be problematic, but I can’t work out how….
hey, candorman ↑this↑ is how to snark.
And, really, āthisā ought be under Mindfield’s post.
The second one says mattress and box spring, but that looks awfully thin, more like a futon. I don’t know about you guys, but if I’m going to spend $200 on bedbugs and poncho lice, I want truth in advertisment.
Hello, I’d like to sell you a bed for 50 dollars. It will come with bed bugs and lice, possible IYNs. Are you interested?
Edit: I have a futon, it’s very comfy, and I love sleeping on it.
When twice your age you are, too ache-y-pain-y for a futon you may be as well.
[futon sleeping corey] When I first moved to Boston, I had a “one bedroom” that is better described as a two-room studio. The “bedroom” could have fit a bed…and that’s it. So, I slept on my futon in the “living room” and turned the “bedroom” into an office. Let me tell you, one year of sleeping on a futon is all my back could take. So I moved to a quasi-suburb to share a 3-floor condo with my friend from school. Now my BEDROOM is larger than my former apartment, my half of the rent is less than what I paid before, and I have a lovely plush top queen-sized bed. š [/corey]
Bridgete – that first Apt. sounds just like the ones my (now wife) and I looked at in Beacon Hill! I swear the kitchen in one was a converted closet. And not the walk-in kind.
Oh, yeah, I can only imagine if you were looking in Beacon Hill. This place was in Brighton.
Well, as a guess, knowing what the store want for bed frames, Sparq may (just may) be selling us the $400 bed for $200 and you get the bedding for free (rather than Sparq having to pay the dump fees to dispose of that).
I’ll gues the Sparq-logic (*shudder*) goes like this:
Need to sell the bed.
I am not a furniture truck.
Buyer will have a bed-sized vehicle.
Hey, they will have room to take the bedding too!
Cheese!
When did Sparqy become French? Or Quebecois? (Once you go French you never go back. Well, you do, but you sometimes think about “that time in college when I went French”)
That’s just Cap’n-talk.
Oh, I dunno, Andie… Bridgete went to France, but then she came home to a Brazillion!
I don’t think I know Brigidgete well enough to need to know she has a Brazilian. I mean, I’m all for lawyer solidarity and stuff, but…
BTW I knew she was a lawyer not so much because of her sammitch analysis, but from the tatoo. And the lawyer gang-signs she was throwing to me when you all weren’t looking.
Not that kind of Brazilian, her fella’s from Brazil.
OOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhh.
Hey, she might have the other kind of Brazilian, too. Don’t want to limit her to just one.
*wonders how her Tigger tattoo communicated her lawyerness to Andie*
(That’s in the envelope with the results from the bar exam {G}
Also, where to buy just one shingle, and how to glad-hand othering into always paying for punch while paying for billable-hours product)
When you sleep on this mattress, you sleep with everyone that mattress has ever slept with. Something to consider, as from the look of it, some of them might still be in there.
Oooh nooo…auntie?
You’d have to go to bed in this:
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=3500
AHHHH!
It’s a ZOMBIE MATTRESS!!!
What do you mean? I don’t see any zomb-
SPRIIIIIIIIIINGS…
*giggle* Water through the nose!
It took me some fridge-logic to get that one, but when I did there was a near-Monster disaster :-p
I can picture mattress #1 (with it’s numerous #1 stains) shuffling down some mist-shrouded alleyway, crying out for “SPRIIIIIIIIIINGS!”
I’d so buy the first mattress, but I hate it when law enforcement comes to my house to confiscate items “that may or may not be key evidence in a criminal investigation.” Really ruins a great nap!
*Tosses a door at Jessabell*
Here’s another, too.
Well, I’d give you a Brazillian Door, but I think Bridgete might want him back…
Well Barrister-B might specify that she has an adoring Brazillian, rather than an entry-control device crafted from IpĆØ or Goncalo Alves (or even a luan-paneled HCD from the Rio de Janero Lowe’s).
Have a few windows while we’re at it. Heck, I’m feeling generous, have coveted pocket door!*
*I assure you, this pocket door came from a lovely old Brownstone home, not from HamCan Pocket Products Emporium.
I do, indeed, have more of an adoring Brazilian, as opposed to a Brazilian door.
It’s more of a bazaar then an emporium…
And bizarre indeed.
I don’t think I’d be tempted to buy the first mattress even in a medically altered state. It needs to be cleansed by fire.
The second bed I might have considered if Sparky hadn’t displayed his quiet shirt time paraphenalia.
[boxspring corey] As for it not having a box spring, it is possible that it is one of those frames with the box spring type coils attached. My sister had one of those. [/corey]
[boxspring alterna-corey] If you have a bed with slats or a solid bottom, you don’t need a boxspring. [/alterna-corey]
On the other hand, I have a solid bottom (okay, maybe some of it jiggles), and while I don’t need a boxspring, I do require an orthopedic mattress. Looking at the first ad is causing twinges of back pain along with the faint itchy feeling and general squick.
I’m sure it will be fine once someone cleans it up. Add gasoline and a flame thrower and those stains will be gone!
Don’t forget the lava! It gives it a deep-cleansing shine!
Thanks, NMN! I had forgotten about the deep cleansing power of lava!
Hard to argue with the carbonizing effects of 6000-12,000Āŗ
Makes an 1800Āŗ medical incinerator seem mundane.
Yeah, I’d STILL want to add bleach just for the principle of it.
Boiling bleach. In quantities large enough to put me on a government watchlist of some sort.
Hmmmm… Gasoline + flame thrower + lava + bleach = big boom? I sure hope so!
Just toss it into a nuclear reactor, like the sun….it’ll be clean then.
Manda: Let’s ask the Mythbusters!
Yes, but after the first 500 gallons of bleach you’d just have a different HazMat situation.
So 499 gallons would be okay?
Only if Sparkie is buying {G}
Local FD might not agree.
And, from the looks of that apartment, it might be a violation of Endangered Species Act to impose that much clean on any one building . . .
You know…this posting, along with quiet shirt time and yesterday’s overall blackness leads me to a revelation:
YSaC’s GEN-U-WINE Certified, Guaranteed, Without-A-Doubt Weight-Loss Program is the EASIEST way to lose those unwanted pounds!
Lose 5, 10, 20, up to 100 lbs. with no more effort than it takes to click a mouse button.
That’s right, I’m here to tell you that losing weight is as easy as reading.
Why one look at many a CL ad on YSaC will send you running to the restroom for some “quiet” time with the porcelain goddess.
And, if you act now, we’ll include this vat of brain bleach for those things that cannot be unseen.
Reminds me of Web Soup….
“Things you can’t unsee!!!”
*Creepy music.*
*Video*
“And now a palate cleanser.”
*Picture of some cute animal, usually a puppy or kitten, doing something cute.*
I keep twisting “palate” and “pallette” cleanser together and the combination yields a lemon-lime mineral spirits/turps combination . . .
Which might not be a bad thing to spritz on the hazmat suit one would want to take to either Sparkie’s door answering these ads.
Ya know, I have lost 50 lbs since I started commenting regularly.
Hey, if you’re serious, that’s awesome! Come to think of it, I’ve lost about 35 since I started commenting…
I rest my case…
Wait, EB, didn’t you have a baby? Seven pounds of that is someone else! 8)
Nah, if you count from back when Mini was born, we’re closer to 50 lb. :-p I started counting late-January, which is coincidentally around when I got involved in the comments. I actually wish I had discovered this site when I was on bedrest last year, would have made the days pass much quicker (or at least snarkier!).
5 out of 10 obstetricians recommend snark for their patients on bedrest. (The other 5 are too busy selling their bee-filled trucks on Craigslist.)
EB, you gotta lay off the mattress fumes. I mentioned this a few weeks ago in the forum and YOU replied with your weight loss. š
Okay, some of it might have been due to diet and exercise, but isn’t that also in the fine print for most diet aids? So there ya go:
YSAC Diet! Lose elebenty pounds in 100 comments or less!*
*YSAC Diet plan has been proven effective when combined with a sensible diet and exercise.
“Individual results may vary.”
“YSaC makes no guarantee of effectiveness.”
If you experience sharp eye pains, explosive diarrhea, and/or swelling or tenderness of the breasts, stop the YSaC regimen immediately, and you should call Dr. Rumack. Don’t call him Shirley.
Do not taunt YSAC Diet plan.
Do not taunt YS@C commenters.*
*That’s for them to do to each other.
Wouldn’t the first rule of YSaC Diet Club be to not talk about Diet Club?
Christina, I’m going to blame it on the side effects from liberal use of Brain Bleach over the last couple weekends. That, and I really don’t have a very good people-memory… Currently I’m trying to figure out who I loaned my cake pans to, like, a week ago :-p
I highly doubt this mattress is what my doctor had in mind when he told me I needed more protein.
I need more protean, and I doubt this would work for that either.
My mom and I have a long-running joke about “extra protein.”
(No, not that kind! I think it was charred fish sticks that somehow got into everything we put in the oven for a while.)
But it is what your chiropractor had in mind when she said to herself, “I want to go to Hawaii in December.”
Next to the bed in the first one . . . is that a rat in a glass? I’m just asking . . .
No that would be a chinchilla. Actually, I have no clue.
I was actually wondering about the dark pink cylindrical object next to it…
That does look suspiciously like a battery powered adult stimulation device.
And I’m guessing that’s not a rat but a gerbil.
:squints at photo:
That looks nothing like my iPod.
Ohhhhh, you meant….
Ah.
Never mind.
Maybe it’s gerbil-powered?
Actually, you’re half right, sarajean.
I heard about those, christina. Apple was (not at all surprisingly) threatening to sue over them (infringement, probably).
Does anyone else find the colours and shapes of unmade bedding in the second posting to be rather disturbing? Random lumpy heaps of green and brown, with a hint of yellow, do NOT create happy associations for me!
[OT]
Celebrating the little things:
Today a wood sliver I got while making my son’s bookshelf two weeks ago has finally worked its way close enough to the surface that I was able to get it out with a needle. YAY!
[/OT]
Yay! That just reminds me of my Weekend of Impalings–I’m glad that none of our small objects took 2 weeks to come out :-p
That didn’t sound explicit to me at all*….Nope, not one bit.
*Not even close to true.
Well, I had to generalize, because MrEB got a thorn in his cornea Friday night and I got an evil shard of glass in my foot Monday night. At least I didn’t call it the Weekend of Foreign Object Penetrations! :-p
Good One, NMN!
After a Weekend of Impalings, small objects generally take about nine months to come out.
I took 19 years to come out, but then I am by no means a small object.
According to my friends, those objects are not as small as you might think.
But, but, you’re still all wrapped up in your picture. *iz fake confused*
Dr. Taco, emergency surgery in the Snark Lounge, STAT!
I’ve got a Dremel! Let me at that liver!
What?
Oh, you said sliver. As long as I’m all suited up, did you still need my triage expertise?
*whirrr :: whirrr :: grind :: sputter*
Taco, if you were my coworker or something, I’d be all “Huh, that’s nice.” Here? I’m thinking “I like a dad who builds bookshelves for a kid who can’t even read yet.* Go Taco!”
*What can I say? My degrees are in English (two of ’em) and Library/Info science, so I’m nerdy like that.
On the subject of injuries, my foot seems to be healing nicely. I was a bit worried for a couple days, I thought I saw the beginnings of some red lines radiating off of it, but they went away. I think my immune system won the fight. š
I once had a small shard of glass in my finger that took about a year to work itself out. And it came out the other side of the finger than it went in. Fun times.
Also, what you call a sliver I call a splinter, so it took me a minute to figure out what you meant. Is this a regional thing?
I’ve wondered about that as well, the difference between the words. I grew up near where Taco did, and live on the other side of the country now, so I haven’t noticed regional-specific use (but, then, not really paying attention to it, admittedly). FWIW, I use them more or less interchangeably, though for some reason, in Lola’s Personal Lexicon, I think splinters are larger. No, I don’t know why.
I grew up near where you are now, and “splinter” is much more familiar than “sliver.”
I always think of a splinter as something which is, or is likely to be, lodged in a finger, toe, foot, hand etc., whereas sliver is more a general term for “something small and shard-like which has split off from a larger thing”. That’s why you can only have slivers of soap, never splinters, but small pointy bits of wood or glass could easily be both slivers and splinters.
That sums it up very well, Jen! It’s a sliver until it’s under your skin, then it’s a splinter.
Thanks! Law degree + English degree = obsessive about words and the meanings thereof*. š
*To the extent I have been ejected from bars for arguing with bar staff about why their beer names are wrong and why they should change them.
I’ve heard both in reference to wood, but sliver tends to be more widely used for non-wood shards of stuff lodged under the skin.
Wait, Jen – seriously? Can we hear this story? Sounds both delightful and endearing. And totally, completely dorky. I think I love you.
Naw, it’s quite dorky, but… I was at a pub in Engle-land years ago (Hobgoblin in Reading. Adore) and ordered a pint of their “beer which was wrong” (‘et tu, Brutus’ – srsly? I know it’s an old language, but kind a famous quote, no?). Anyway, the bartender laughed and gave me it for free. Fastforward two years and I’m back in NZ, and ‘tired and emotional’, as the gossip mags say, on a girls’ night out. I can’t remember clearly what the beer was called, but a friend of mine who very kindly dropped me home left me a note explaining what had happened. Apparently I kept telling the bartender (who was just-18 and lippy as hell – her words) he had to respect me because “I have an English degree and you’re only a commerce student”. She ended the note “But you were totally right so we’re boycotting [bar] forever!”.
[/youthful hijinks corey]
Oh and I think I’ve mentioned before nearly getting kicked off a bus for correcting one of their posters. After I argued with the driver for a bit he agreed it was a good deed, rather than ‘graffiti’, and that I was trying to make the bus company look less-stupid. *polishes halo*
I gave you a door and would give you more if I could. My youthful drunk stories always ended in vomit and anonymous sex. Sometimes in that order.
Personal to NMN, no one else read this! I want to give you a big boost of self esteem, because you have been a wonderful contributor here, and have a great sense of humor. So instead of saying, “Actually I have no idea” try putting an asterisk and then on the next line adding “This may not be true.” That’s a YSaC meme that I hereby give you permission to use. And when you think what you are about to say is lame or less worthy, you don’t have to tell us that you can’t think of anything else to say. Just say what you thought of. Lots of times, your comment is funny in it’s own right, and other times, generates a thread of good comments and humor. So step out of the shadows and let your light shine on YSaC! I for one am glad you are here! 8)
I agree.
Oops! I wasn’t supposed to read it! *hides in the poncho* *twitches* *scratches*
Ok, thanks guys. That DID boost my self-esteem.
I’m glad you’re here too!
Oh, wait. I wasn’t supposed to read it either. š
*Disclaimer* I did not read Windrose’s sweet li’l note to you NMN, but let me add my I’m-glad-yer-here to the others above.
*Disclaimer to the disclaimer* It may or may not be true.
**reads Windrose’s post**
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I READ IT!
Wait, does that mean I can say what I’m thinking, too, no matter how stupid it might be?
Bananas. Anagrams. Mmmmm… gum. Pop goes the weasel! Sarkasaurus! Larry! Cutty? HOUSE! SOON! Steam! CIV5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **Mark Hammil laugh** **hums Star Wars theme** OOH!! Friday Night Football! DEATH HUNT!!!! teeheehee.
Howzat?
Uhm, Astro … stream of consciousness is OK, but … er, have you had your prescription today? Just wondering. š
Yes, I’m medicated today.
When I’m not actually thinking about something specifically, I tend to have a train of short fragments. There actually is a progression to them. For example, the word “Midol” goes –> [Name Redacted*] –> Mellophone –> French Horn –> Dan, the Ostrimu.
So, if you say “Mydol”, I (after a moment) think “Ostrimu”.
*I believe I told the story of the Mello who asked for Midol when he had a migraine?
I have absolutely no idea what these crazy people above me are talking about. š
I just came over here to say, NMN, you showed great cojones today and we appreciate it. Bee you, bee confident and the bees, they will be upon you.
Actually, when I saw picture #1 I didn’t think urine, it seemed rather dark to me for that. (And since it’s such a high quality picture, I’m sure it quite accurately represents the item.) I’m kinda wondering whether Auntie was DONE IN on item #1. You know, a different kind of “weekend of foreign object penetrations”. Like, maybe, the Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the knife kind.
Oooh! I love this game. My guess is…Miss Scarlet, in the conservatory with the lead pipe!
Anyone else?
(Yes, my snark is still severely lacking but I’m attempting to jump start it today!)
I think Mrs. Peacock got it in the Back Staircase with
a black cock the lead pipethe revolver.Why not with the candlestick?
Oh wait, TacoMagic, in da minty shell, with the red table.
Misjay, in the Snark Lounge, with a Bedazzler.
Oh, good, we’ve found the Bedazzler. Now, where’s that black cock got to?
PAM on the Slip-N-Slide with the T-Shirt
Can it be a white t-shirt? I’m pretty slippery, ya know š
Cap’n Mac in the Getta Room with a YSaCtionary.
Mr. Winkey in the sidebar with a t-shit.
Ham with the Pam in Siam*
*I’m still heavily medicated so this may not be as funny to you as it is to me.
Maybe it’s a little of both – perhaps Auntie died there of an overdose of Colonel Mustard (randy old dude, he is).
Are you suggesting that those might be Mustard’s stains?
If there are mustard stains we know HamCan was involved!
No, they would have to be margarine stains…
…or PAM!
You called?
Peanut Butter……. Crunchy!
Ouch, Grampdaddy.
It does have that extreme “Weekend of Impalings” look to it. Or maybe it was a prop from the “Hellraiser” movie franchise.
I think more from Nightmare on Elmstreet and the scene where Johnny Depp *swoon* got ate up by his mattress.
Johnny Depp gets eated by a mattress?* That makes me sad.
*I’ve never seen it.
It is followed by a truly terrifying Fountain O’ Blood. I always have to shut my eyes at that part.
You know what I’m talkin’ about sj. Oh yeah.
Is the “truly terrifying Fountain O’Blood” more or less scary than the nacho cheese fountain? Inquiring minds want to know.
When I first saw it, back in the dim days of my youth, it was bed-wettingly terrifying. After sitting through most of the Saw and Hostel franchises, not as much.
I’m feeling like a terrible person now* because when I first saw the original NoES with His-Tank-Topped-Deppness, my reaction to the “eated by bed” scene was hysterical laughter. I mean, really? Eated by a bed? Probably didn’t help that I was 17 or so at the time and so getting to stay in bed _forever_ sounded kinda awesome, but still.
*This may not be true.
That is my favorite scene in that movie. The bed eats him and spews out more blood than can possibly be in 5 or 6 human bodies.
Bahaha, I know! And, given that the whole point of Mr. Kreuger (sp?) is to scare people, what’s the point? There’s no-one left to scare! Grr, internal consistency fail. I found that movie generally to be more hilarious than scary, especially the randomly alcoholic mother who, after hiding a secret for over a decade, just gives in to her annoying daughter’s first request and spills all about the murder. Le sigh.
Now, Barney Goes To Hollywood, _there’s_ a terrifying movie.
Nothing (outside of YSaC) is scarier than the nacho cheese fountain.
Now you know.
“le sigh” FTW
[OT] Are paninis considered sammiches? [ot]
Let’s see. Filling in between two pieces of bread. Check. Therefore, the question is whether the heating of the sammich causes it to become not.a.sammich. However, as grilled cheese sammiches are sort of like paninis without any other filling…I say yes.
:points to post:
This is how people can tell you are a lawyer, B.
That and my legal coreys. Which have gone down in number now that I’ve purged most of the bar exam from my brain.
Yes. Deliciousness encased in bread? Yummm…
Possibly. You’d better turn over the evidence to me and after
devouringa thorough examination of them I’ll let you know.It’s a little late for that CJ.
Oh, goody! That means I had a sammich for dinner when I had the Stouffer’s panini!
Ummm….when I click the “+1” to give doors, it adds 2 instead of one…..is it a glitch maybe?
I’ve had that happen to me before… Probably someone else plussed at the same time.
Oooh, simultaneous double plussing? Sounds dirty. I like it. Band name of the day? The Simultaneous Double Plussers.
The Simultaneous Double Plussers just released their new album, Coming Out at the Sides. It contains the hit single T-Shirt Time, plus a bonus track of an old demo, Mattress Showroom.
It looked double dirty to me because I missed the “L” in plussing.
I think this is what happens – I get that as well. If you don’t refresh the page right beforehand, you don’t see the addtional +s.
Must be the new Diebold eVoting and Adores System. No hanging chad. Vote early and often.
I wonder what a steampunk chad looks like.
A merhippo.
Hey, be nice Astro, Steampunk Googler doesn’t get to have the same Snuggie privileges you honkeys do.
Doors just broke for me, they are all showing 0
I had just entered the Henry V reply and it went to 400 Bad Request.
Closed IE, and tried reponeing to get 400 Bad Request again. Third time, IE opened (cache and cookies were clear from this morning, too).
This feels like a pre-intervention quiz… I have 19 windows open. 6 emails (all work stuff, I use them as a to-do list by closing them when I’m done with the task), YSaC, 2 Word docs (one template, one judgement I’m filling out from said template), 5 file management system windows and 5 stupid docs management system windows. Which will all probably crash in twenty minutes or so becasue they hate me.
Edit: Wah! This belongs under NMN’s post, below. Weeeeeeird.
I just read this on Cracked:
“Stop and count how many windows you have open on your computer screen. Count each tab on your Web browser seperately. You’ve probably got your email open, maybe a web document, a chat window, Facebook, a Tower Defense flash game. This site……”
I have SEVEN tabs open at the moment, plus solitaire and I-tunes.
Well, I dunno about “windows” but I have three laptops on my desk…One is Windows, two are Linux. I have a 6 monitors on my desk right now, I am remote desk-topped into two other machines, one is in Germany. I have 4 KVM/IP sessions open all but one outside the US, one is in Iraq, plus I am SSH’d into several routers in all corners of the world.
(I’m multitasking) š
Sometimes I forget and post to here from some machine in Europe, I’m surprised that my posts don’t trip the moderation software more often.
*I love my job, I love my job, I love my job…*
According to the Cracked article, multitasking is not helpful. We do the jobs we are multitasking at worse than if we were to focus on one single task. Our brains aren’t programmed to multitask.
Bullcock.
Maybe normal sparky brains, but the brains of the commenters on YSaC are of a much higher quality with more RAM.
BRAIIIIIIIIINNNNSSSSSSS
Oh, no! Zomb
Unless you’re a woman. We can multitask like nobody’s business!
Tell my boss that.
Besides it’s multi tasking to solve a single problem that encompasses multiple parts of the interwebs.
Holy hardware, HamCan! You must be very impotent. Er, important. Are you the lacawates valtrus-suka for your company’s LAN?
I think they just meant people in general.
Edit: I’m getting a new video game avatar. The Hybrid skull is boring now. That’s what it is.
LAN? *Snickers*
I’m not supposed to say that I can’t say what I do…*
*Oops
See? I can do cute and video games at the same time.
Edit: Crap….cache didn’t clear.
Is it working yet?
Edit: What The F…..
Give it some time, and clear your cache. It takes a while to propagate across the vast internet.
Ah. I sort of get it now. Shoulda paid more attention to your connections being in Germany and Iraq. Please don’t have me killed.
Aaaaaaand……
No not there yet.
Try back tomorrow?
Let’s try this again……
I’m checking gravatar.
*Pokes NMN directly in his Kirby*
Never thought I’d type that.
It’s not appearing on MY computer……
Yay Kirby! I remember playing Kirby games on my Game Boy…. Not Game Boy Color, not Game Boy Advanced, just Game Boy :-p
I both played it on the Gameboy (not to mention most of the ones after that) but still have the original Gameboy cart of Kirby :). I used to love those giant black on green pixels. Actually I’m pretty sure I’ve still got the original Gameboy around in my collection somewhere too. I think it’s banned as a deadly weapon in California due to its size and relative weight.
I’m going to have to pull it out and give it a play just for nostalgia’s sake.
Also: Kirby!
Clothespin Jeebus help me. Gameboys are nostalgic now. I was already a teenager when we got pong on a cheap system that was a knock off of the then-all-supreme system, Atari. I am officially old.
*Puts down the spoon and just starts glugging Geritol straight from the bottle. Remember Geritol? Anyone? [sound of crickets]
I’ve been gone for 4 hours, and still no Kirby….and it’s MY avatar.
Reboot? I’ve been seeing Kirby for a few hours now.
I shut down….and nothing. Stupid Vista.
I remember Geritol, and our beloved Pong console. And I remember when my little brother got a Nintendo, we sat in absolute AWE of the 8bit graphics.
My adult gamer life is restricted to handhelds. I have a DS and PSP, which are reserved for 2D, side scrolling, whip-wielding, zombie killing, vampire ass kicking action (and occasionally, Metroid).
Hmmmm…..”whip-wielding, zombie killing, vampire ass kicking action.”
Sounds like Castlevania.
Got it in one, NMN. I have a slight addiction to the series and Ayami Kojima’s box art for the later games (egads, by later I mean 7-12 years ago, I’m getting old).
Super Secret Spy Doggie?
Internets Hacker Pup?
If he tells you, he’ll probably have to track you down and kill you with a fork.
I already know where you are…
Oh! Are you the one who ensures all Sparkies continue to have access to Craigslist?
3 Windows.
One to here, one to my email, and one for my excel spreadsheet of important contact phone numbers.
Five in two separate windows, one with two tabs and one with three. Two mail boxes, my employer’s website for quick look-ups, YSaC, and tvtropes.
Wow, I feel almost like some sort of luddite.
Only seven on this machine. Two on the old laptop which is downloading updates. The old desktop only has three open since I’m trying to see if it will render an image after backdating some ACAD files.
Ok, was more interesting on Sunday, what with balancing the tablet while going between 4 separate computers.
I keep a lot of tabs open. Pretty much anything I come across that looks interesting I open in a new tab to read later. Sometimes “later” means months later, when I’ve forgotten why it was interesting.
Also, I have 3 windows open in 2 browsers. Why? FF for YSaC and all the interesting things mentioned here, b/c Safari has more trouble getting along w/ YSaC. Also b/c I don’t want to lose all my cache and cookies in S every time YSaC gives it a hiccup, which is every few days in FF. I have 2 S windows open – 1 for personal stuff, and one for when I’m in the lab and not allowed to look at FB, YSaC, or other “dear god, what happened to the last hour???” websites.
Lessee… Facebook, yesterday’s YSaC, today’s YSaC, MS Word.
That is, until I open up Hogwarts Online.
18 tabs in one FF window, 9 in the other, iTunes, Finder, 3 Terminals, TextWrangler (with exactly 100 documents open), System Preferences, and Entourage. I win š
(Agh, that was supposed to be a response to NMN. Ah well.)
*No response, except sound of rock music^*
^I-tunes, remember?
Geez, EB!! Taco has the massive link, but you my dear have the massive capacity.
Hey, Massive Capacity!! Everybody shout!
Massive Capacity!
Massive Capacity!
Massive Capacity!
What? Nothing…I just like saying…..
MASSIVE CAPACITY!!
Of course, the 18-tab window is my play-window, and the 9-tab window is my work window :-p Once, I was counting the tabs open on MrEB’s computer, and I gave up after 100. Yeesh! Also, I love my dual-monitors, but I’m way jealous of HamCan’s SIX…
My laptop starts going slowly at about 20 tabs….then again….most of them are games and music.
I have Eight 24″ monitors out in the lab mounted to arms on the wall behind my workstation, just built a new quad, quad core PC to drive them. Has two PCIE 4 port HDMI out video cards with a total of 2 gig memory on them. I can also switch it over to run two 60″ 1080i plasmas. It’s triple boot, BSD, Slackware and Win7/64(for the boss)*
*Would you like to play a game?
‘Scuse me, I’ve got to wipe up this drool on my desk…
So much for winning.
Indeed…
I’ve got you beat – 24 tabs in Safari (2 windows), another 12 in FF.
Other windows include Adium and Skype, iTunes, and whatever other documents I’m in the midst of working on. Right now it’s just 1 word document, but earlier this week it was a PP and 5 spreadsheets.
One window at home, two at most (if I click a link I always open in a new window because tabs make me angry), three at work because I need my database, email, and shared drive folder open at all times. I HATE clutter and have OCD attacks when I can’t read the window name at the bottom of my screen.
[work corey]My last job required a ton of open apps and I had one called GroupASSIST. I typically had the exact number of windows open to have it read GroupASS, which is pretty much how I felt about that particular product.
King size foam mattress
*Anagram fun*
Safe maker Tints Gizmos (Locksmith paints widgets)
Moss Namesake Grift Zit (Super model look alike scammer has pimples)
Itās Kiss Frog Amazement (When one actually turns into a prince)
Sir Zink Fogs Teammates (Knight has gas)
Meg Fantasize Kim Sorts (Meg dreams of Kim in the mail room)
Or: When Gene Simmons bites off part of his tongue in surprise.
Moss Namesake Grift Zit
Hey, that’s a character from some Manga!
(pronounce the second word as “Nah mah SAH Kay”)
Capn, why did you capitalize manga?
and why did it take me 3 posts to notice I was posting as ainebegonia again?
Good question (both of them).
I’m guessing so as to convey the sense of a noun to those not familiar with the genre. But, it’s been supper and a beer or two since I wrote that.
As to the second question, did you not mention something earlier about medications related to a dorsal insult?
If f(x) where x is “it’s not a stain, it’s lighting”
Do wa want to know whether that is a defect of the lighting fixture or the lamp within it?
NO! NO MORE FUNCTIONS!!!!
*We are currently doing Functions in Algebra II. They’re not that bad, but there’s just SO MANY OF THEM.
I HATE algebra. I’m in college level algebra right now…..which is terrible.
It’s ok, it will either get worse or better. Usually in inverse proportion to class size. Smaller classes are better, but the topics are more complicated.
The calculus for continuous moments of inertia in monolithic structures (like poured concrete entombing skeevie mattresses)is elegant and simple. The class explaining “why” the calculus “is”–not so much.
“The news just came in from the County of Keck that a very small bug by the name of Van Kleck is yawning so wide you can look down his neck.”
-Dr. Seuss
It was the best of stains, it was the worst of stains…
A Tale of Two [Matts]tresses.
Free Misjay!..
*and a limerick or two.
A king size foam mattress for fifty.
Wow, this deal doesn’t sound iffy.
You put a sheet on.
And stains will be gone.
That is, ’til you get a good wiffy.
Queen bed, black wood frame and box spring.
With headboard, now that’s quite the thing.
But then there’s the tag.
Right next to the sag.
Says built in the dynasty, Ming.
*Ooooooooo, a mattress*
*BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY, BOINGY……SQUISH**
*Help! My foot is stuck in…something.
Hammy, are you suggesting it’s a trap?
I can just hear that little puppy right now. “Damn it! What did I step in now? Who did this? They’re gonna blame it on me. They ALWAYS blame it on me.”
Anagram Fun!
It IS REALLY dirty
I’ll stir yard yeti (Guess you don’t want those to set)
EDIT: Dagnabbit, I missed HamCan’s post above. Ignore me, I only had 1 cup of coffee today.
Seems fitting. That mattress is abominable!
Earlier we had a Chicago reference (FTW BTW {g})
So, I’m walking through the grocery store today, minding my own business (like I always do) and what comes on the music track?
Chicago! And, it’s “Does Anybody Really Care?”
Take that you Sparkies!
Did anybody know what time it was?
Just me {g}
I was the only one who seemed to care . . . in the soup aisle
Well, it’s about time.
Oh, I’ve heard this story.
The Princess and the Pee.
Right?
That is my autobiography… ‘nobody’ ever believed me when I said there was something under the bed!
All I have to show for it is a bruise on my backside and these dark circles under my eyes.
*looks at LL’s avatar*
I thought those dark circles were your eyes.
No, those get kept pretty clean, what with the tongue licking and all…
I think Zem, Sparky’s mattress, fell in with the meth crowd on Squornshellous Zeta and, flolloped, globbered, vollued, vooned, and willomed around in the gutter a bit to much…
Forty-Two
But what is the question?
What do you get when you multiply six by nine?
alternately
Would you like some Mountain Dew with that bottle of sugar?
Astro… there something wrong with the math… but I haven’t figured it out yet. My catulator is out patrolling the neighborhood, so as soon as he’s back….
We’ll have to remove your brain to find out.
Wait….that’s fifty….nine million…yeah, 59,000,000.
My catulator doesn’t like being picked up.
It’s what you bid if your hand is better than 41 and less than two marks.
Zem reference ftw.
Holy Spice Christ! My network goes down for the afternoon and you folks went for +300! I’ll be back later for snark after dark!
I am NOT going to Round-up today’s comments. Just so you know.
In Soviet Russia, comments NOT going to round up YOU!
You’d have to have a posse for corralling this group, anyway.
I’ll do it for you:
Smelly mattresses brought out toilet humor and a mean guy who hates snuggies. NMN yelled at him and there was much rejoicing.
Toilet humor made a comeback and Hammy got the
girlcan.New commenter, can’t remember, purple square girl, got many doors, but HamCan has more windows than the Winchester mansion.
Much more, too many to list.
Odd, this was in reply to Windrose.
Edit: Durr, nevermind, I have my settings out of whack.
*whacks your settings*
It’s the hair in front of your face…
That’s the side of my head. Yes, my nose is really that big.
How did I not notice until just now that I’m in the Don’t Suck box?
I was going to make some wholly inappropriate comment about not sucking and Brazillians, but I thought better of it.
Congrats, Bridgete!
Who said anything about not…
*ahem*
Never mind.
That’s the power of Pinesol baby*
*no I don’t think Bridgete is a baby and no I was not trying to sexually harass her**
**well, maybe a little***
***not really….please don’t sue me
It’s only sexual harassment if it’s unwelcome. š
I’d never buy used beds or used couches. For this reason.
If I’ve learned anything from my germ-phobic mother, it was, never buy anything second hand that can’t be wiped down or fit in the washing machine (hot water and a little bleach for safe measure).
Ms. Bridgete, would you please sign this waiver releasing me from all indemnity (whatever that is) should your punch go horribly wrong and end up with your avatar being permanently disfigured? Thanks. From one bird pimp to another, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, (SPICE CHRIST, OVER 400 POSTS???) Uh, where was I? G’Night, Beacon Hill!
*signs form*
Oof! Thanks Windy!
My husband just asked me to smell our cat’s anus. I am not making this up. He is concerned that there might be something wrong because there is a “foul smell” coming from our cat’s ass. So we wrapped the poor kitteh up in a towel and we’re all up in his bidness. And the whole time the cat is like “DO NOT WANT!!” OMG these magic moments of our marriage that we will remember all our lives.
*wipes tear
So special.
Andie, you have a real catch there! Any children? Cause smelling their butts is so much more rewarding. 8)
Andie, you haven’t been commenting very long, but your willingness to share stories such as this has me thinking you’ll be juuuuuuust fiiiiiiine here!
*goes back to giggling*
400+ posts?? Day-umm! Good job kids!