YSaC, Vol. 789: Say it loud — I’m semantically ambiguous, and I’m proud!
2010 September 14
I’ve had these filed in my inbox under a tag called “Not What You Think” for a while now; it’s time to spring them on everyone. Most of them are pretty self-explanatory from just the title …
6 yr old Black Kids Pony – $300
Black Men’s Dress Shoes
Black Youth Guitar – $50
Black Convict Juvies
FREE BLACK COCK
What? I said MOST of them were self explanatory. More after the cut …
FREE BLACK COCK
free Black Peacock , was my grandmothers , she past , must go to a good home , leave your # Ill call you to
set up an appointment , serious only
See? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Thanks, Cindy, Kay, Ethan, Liz, and Nick for these posts!
Excuse me, stewardess? I speak Jive.
My mama didn’t raise no dummy. I dug her rap.
My mummy didn’t raise no dummy either. I dug her wrap.
And I just noticed that I’ve been posting as ainebegonia. I forgot to log out of the forums.
Oh…so you have.
*stumbles off to get more coffee*
I raised a mummy once. I dug her up. I had to bury her again really fast, though. The antiquities service spotted us and started shouting in hieroglyphics. It’s easy to get away from them, though. Just walk like an Egyptian.
YOUR WHITE TRASH. YOU MUST HAVE TO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS TO PUT SUCH TRASH ON THE INTERNET GO HOME AND FUCK YOUR HOMI AND TRY TO KEEP YOUR SICK SHIT TO YOURSELF
Somebody pissed in someone’s Post Toasties this morning.
*Must resist the urge to edit those spelling and grammar errors*
RIGHT ON DAN
And the gratuitous use of ALL CAPS really makes for a rational and compelling argument.
What an asshat.
I see some [Daniel Okuniewicz/] tags in our future
I think Dan and Joe are sharing keyboards. How special. I see another YSaC meme being born.
Go Lou! Great minds think alike.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is what way too much coffee looks like.
Speaking of which, I haven’t had way too much coffee yet this morning.
[/Danny] I DON”T KNOW WHY YOU AL ARE TALKING ABOUT ME, BUT I WILL MESS YOU UPP. YOU HERE ME? MESS. YOU. UP. [/danny]
Spelling mistakes were done on purpose.
[sic]
I just noticed that Danny isn’t a big believer in context… among other things.
[joe]
CONTEXT is the MAN putting your down MAN!!
YO YO YO, DAN! your da man!!1!!
Peace OUT!
[/joe]
Wait….was Daniel calling US sick, or the CL user?
Also, that was the second racial comment of the day. WTF.
Ooh! Way to give Danny the benefit fo the doubt, NMN. I am now looking at his post from an entirely new perspective. It’s like a plot twist, right here in the replies to the replies to the actual post… THIS is why I read YSaC. And your comments. (Also because it’s more fun and interesting than my job, but that is another issue entirely.)
What a twist!
[rescinding benefit-of-the-doubt corey] He/She was NOT talking about the array of Sparky ads. I took it as a definite hit on the blog itself.[/rescinding benefit-of-the-doubt corey]
Llama-nun? Ostrimu? We have a spam clean up on aisle 789.
(It’s not actually spam, it’s just mean. Can we have it deleted? It’s hurting my delicate sensabilities. Oh, wait, that’s just something in the poncho.)
Huh. That was charming.
Did you edit your picture? I’m now seeing more llama and less nun. I used to see much more nun and less llama. It’s possible I just have to adjust my meds.
(“more nun” being a relative term)
Dan must be new to the internets if this site (or these comments?) offends his delicate sensibilities.
Oh, it’s okay guys, it was her grandma who loved the black cock.
Wait, or it was her grandmas black cock?
Uh…either way, I’ll get my coat.
It’s like an afterschool special – boy grows up priviledged with his own pony, goes to a nice school with a strict dress code requiring special shoes, rebels and forms a band where he is the lead guitarist, and then falls into the self-destructive spiral of drug abuse that sends him to juvie hall and when he is released he finally turns his life around with a job giving away exotic fowl on a street corner.
In the adult version, he didn’t turn his life around and it wasn’t exotic fowl he was giving away on the street corner.
From what I’ve seen lately, that may be a Nic Teen Special Movie Event.
Oh, is THAT what he’s giving away on the street corner!!! I feel bad for looking down on the noble business of exotic bird exchange being done in the city streets at night. Though why they do most of this at night is beyond me.
Keeping an aviary ain’t easy.
Birds are quieter at night.
I dunno, Windy, my bird is really loud between around 10 and 11 pm.
That sounds really funny when you imagine Ringo Starr saying it.
Or Benny Hill.
You say that you’ve seen all seven wonders, and your bird is green…
You say that you’ve seen all seven wonders, and your cock is black…
*That felt bad. I love that song…
It’s the feel-good hit of the year! Starring Chris Rock as the young Darnell Warren who goes from crook to cock by getting a grip on himself and becoming his own master. Two thumbs up!
Does this end with “quiet shirt time”?
It ends with XXX
Well, I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I can tell you that it does have a happy ending.
Just when the line thought it was safe to come back from its extended vacation, black cock shows up.
No, it ends with him selling the shirt on CL.
I’m going to reference that as often as possible. I’m the new Hammy.*
*No, I’m not really. Thank goodness for that. No offense Hammy, it’s just….you’re Hammy.
Sounds like a terrible movie… or a great porno.
Get out of my head Taco — there’s not enough room for both of us.
C’mon, guys. It’s hard out there for a bird pimp.
It’s hard out there? Well then, business must be booming.
Always hasslin’ your chicks to bring you more seed…
Uhh, SJ? You don’t get seed from chicks. Seed is what cocks give to chicks. And occasionally to t-shirts.
Wrong kind of seed.
And might I add, “Ewww.”
Thanks for drilling the point home SJ.
Vacation isn’t good enough for me, I’m trying to drive the line into the Witness Protection Program.
Maybe we should start a relocation program for all the Sparkies. We could call it the Witless Protection Program.
Wait, what one place do we hate enough to inflict Sparkies upon it?
The MVA (DMV)?
I’m thinking they could go dig holes in the sun with the louts from Astro’s joke…
“Yo, Sparky, find any helium yet?”
Something about buying your dead grandmother’s black cock doesn’t exactly sit right with me…but I’m open to try anything once?
PLEASE tell me “Black convict juvies” are some kind of fish. I remember doing a double take in the CL pets section the first time I saw “convict cichlids”. I couldn’t figure out why someone would advertise that their pet had done time.
I think that SJ has the story straight. It is what it is.
I would Google it but I’m scared to.
There’s no telling what “Black Convict Juvies” would toss at me.
That reminds me of a time back in the earlier days of teh intertubez and I was asked by one of the partners at the first firm I was at to see if I could find a news story about police setting German Shepherds on a party of teens at in one of the suburban towns. We both thought that sounded like a reasonable thing to search for.
I learned very, very quickly that “teenagers” + “police” + “party” + “dogs” = sites that scared me just by their description.
I bit the bullet and Googled it, they are actually fish.
http://forum.aqua-fish.net/uploads/Male%20convict%20defending%20female%20and%20eggs.jpg
Hey, I think we have those fish!
*checks tank*
Never mind, ours are a little different.*
*I really don’t know what kind of fish we have.
I noticed this earlier, Sarajean. Your link’s page/topic could be considered to be called “Male convict defending female and eggs.” Just sounds weird.
SICK
Maybe try “black convict juvies fish”?
Edit: Never mind, I hadn’t read past Lola’s comment.
Howzabout “black convict juvies phish”? Frustrated by a lack of jobs, minority youths turn their hand to internet scamming.
Ww, my reading of “phish” was “Phish” and I was thinking about delinquent young people of color as Vermont-based jam-band groupies.
Not too crazy about the band, but I love the ice cream named after them.
Sadly, when I read “phish,” I thought of “Phish Food,” the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
Edit: Sorry, didn’t see your comment Sarajean.
The Phantom Commenter strikes again!
:insert hauntingly evil laugh here:
Sadly, Lola, there aren’t really enough young people of color in Vermont to make up a group, let alone groupies.
Perhaps black convict juvie ghoti?
Those poor 7-year-old black kids. They never get any pony rides! They just have to sit there and play their new guitar as the 6-year-old black kids have all the fun.
That’s why they’re called Black Mine Hores.
Al Sharpton for you, line 3.
Uh uh Bianchi. He’s on line #2 with Taco.
*neener neener*
Michael Steele on line #5 for no one.
I like how they made the picture of the black cock grayscale so that it would appear less colorful.
That was extremely difficult to word without getting a phone call from Al Sharpton.
I have a feeling Mr Sharpton will have a busy day today.
By the Power of Grayscale!
Now kiss my cock ring.
Why does your rooster have a ring?
Because bracelets don’t fit on wings.
Because he liked it, so he put a ring on it?
Now that I think about it, it’s better than piercings. “Roosters” don’t like piercings.
You have a rooster ring tone?
[Extremely OT] Speaking of piercings, I was down in Ocean City* this summer, and a guy was getting a piercing. I kid you not, I heard him ask the person doing the piercing, “Will it hurt?”
*Yes, Ocean City is a real place and people actually live there. [/Extremely OT]
Why yes, yes my peacock has a ring. Just like He-man.
And when your peacock raises his wing and does whatever it is that peacocks do instead of talking, are his shirt and pants replaced by a leather fetish harness and a pair of wrestling shorts?
You’ve seen him? Isn’t it wonderful how his shuttlecocks (he likes to play badminton) glisten with oil in the sunlight?
ring, ring, ring …………
Taco answer the phone. Ignore the caller id.
*Click*
Hello?
No I really meant colorful as in it’s lovely green and blue tail plumage. Peacocks are rather colorful, even the black ones.
No I wasn’t singling out the black peacocks, just pointing out that it’s a misnomer to call them black as they still have the colorful…
What, 12:30 today? Sure, I guess.
Bananaphone!
(sorry…)
[banananphone ot] My second taught my youngest that song. My youngest was singing it but suddenly started singing mouseyphone instead. Number 2 child looked at youngest child and said, “mouseyphone?” The youngest smiled, sang, “ring, ring, ring,” picked up the computer mouse and finished, “mouseyphone” [/ot]
I’m pretty sure that any post that begins “[bananaphone ot]” should just automatically go in the box. Or get a special prize, or something. Because how often can you work bananaphone into the conversation.
kelli, I love it! That sounds adorable.
Huzzah!
Well saying you had a black and blue cock to give away may be less appealing.
One of those pictures looks a little greenish on my screen. I guess no one wants a green cock, though.
Is that why the Leprechauns are dying out?
*I’ll go to my corner
I learned that about purple ones when I used to play with rubber bands a lot.
Must keep office supplies away from Taco.
Taco, if you are using rubber bands to keep the condoms on, I suggest you invest in a … different size. They make those now, you know.
Or just use duct tape instead of a rubber band. It comes in different colors now.
And now I’m afraid of tie dye t-shirts.
Or Gorilla Glue. Gives you a King Kong grip when you’re monkeying around!
Gorilla Glue? No, keep it away from me now. That’s just wrong.
Where are we all going in this handbasket and why is it getting so hot all of a sudden?
All I know is it’s gone South—and fast!!! I think it took the hairs off “the line” as it went past.
Well, last time I bought some the clerk said, “that’ll be $14.84 plus tax.”
I thought, man if you gotta hold then on with tacks, forget it!
Must have been the duct tape.
[condom true story]
I’m sure you have all seen those stickers on the back of mini vans of mommy and daddy and however many kids they have in a row after…well, I walked by one at the grocery store once that had mommy and daddy and EIGHT! kid stickers after it, so being the HamCan that I am, I went back to my car and rooted around in the glove box till I found what I was looking for. Went back to van and taped a condom after the last kid sticker.
[/condom true story]
Ummm….Hammy? I saw one a few weeks ago of two parents, four kids, and 5 dogs. Why do you have more dogs than kids?!
Is this a trick question?
Hmm… dogs feed themselves for a greater percentage of their lives, but it’s easier* to train kids to clean up after themselves. Sounds like a tossup to me.
*This may not actually be true, as I haven’t attempted it yet…
I have more cats than kids, since I have three of the former and zero of the latter. I don’t have any those stick figure window decals, though. I’m not that crazy yet.
Speaking of those window decals
Was that a pet, or a person?
I’d put a new spin on ours:
Mega Man, Samus, and Lucas on our back window.
And maybe in the future we could update it with Kosmos or Laharl and a Shinx.
Somewhere, my wife is rolling her eyes right now and she isn’t sure why.
EDIT: Or better yet! Two “Venti” sized coffees (One a Mocha Frappechino and the other a French roast Kenya with dark chocolate) and a tall size hot chocolate.
It’s all academic though since I hate bumper stickers and window decals.
“Glornak the Destroyer” sounds like a pet name. Like when I call my cat Firefly “Psycho-Twitch the Wonder Spaz”.
Wow, SJ, that’s kinda close to what I named my first Beta fish:
“Freaky, the Spazmatic Wonder Fish.”
What, Taco, no Link?
I saw an SUV the other day that had at least 18 stickers on it… And I say at least, because there were more on the side that I couldn’t see. But I’m pretty sure this was a gramma with her grandkids on her vehicle… Unlike these guys. The last sentence in the article terrifies me….
NMN: No Link. I fear the chickens’ wrath.
It was the sight he dreaded…. ghost chickens in the sky… Ghoooost chickennnnns… In the skyyyy!
[Dead Chicken true story] Some years ago there was a news story of a chicken “rancher” who had to destroy all his birds because they caught some disease, the health dept. required that he send the carcasses to an incinerator…Well, he didn’t want to pay for that so he dug a huge hole in the south 40 (I think there were over 50,000 dead birds) and buried them. Some weeks later, after they had time to…umm…ferment a gas pocket formed and somehow ignited resulting in a rather large explosion, scattering stinky dead chicken bits over half the county. The second I heard this on the radio (I was driving to work) the first thing that popped into my head was “Poltrygeist, they’re BACK!!”[/Dead Chicken true story]
EB – there are many, many terrifying things about that article. Like, how can they afford a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter van with 14 kids, when I have no kids and can hardly afford my Honda Civic?
This is why I love this site and read all the comments.
kelli, Dave Kellet actually sells the Gornak the Destroyer window decals on his site. 8) Love Sheldon.
“It comes in different colors now. ‘And now I’m afraid of tie-dye shirts.’ ”
Took me five hours to understand that. I was wondering why duct tape would cause tie-dye-shirt-fear.
Using duct tape will, as Mudsy says “take the hairs off” *
* I do not speak from experience.
I did not need that image in my head, thanks though.*
*Not really.
Hehe, I can corroborate that. I had a friend in high school that I picked on (he was from Canada, that makes it OK, right?). Anyways, we would put Duct Tape on his arm, back of his neck, etc… there was a patch on his arm that didn’t grow back for a few weeks :-p I’m sure it would also work (though much, much more painfully) for, ahh, other parts.
But….now that I think of it, this is the INTERNET. Someone would probably enjoy it….unfortunately.
I think I’m going to start duct tapping the poncho to people that piss me off. Heh.
I don’t know which is worse, the poncho duct taped to me, or duct tape…errr….down there, then ripped off. I’m gonna say I would prefer the former.
Oh, no, you misunderstand. I was going to combine them. I was going to tape the poncho to your “down there”.
New SyFy movie of the week (directed by Michael Bay, staring Michael Trucco): DEATH PONCHO OF SHAME!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*
*That’s what I’m thinking about what you will do.
I have heard the duct tape hair removal method referred to as “redneck waxing”, since it is just as painful and accomplishes the same purpose.
Having endured exactly one facial waxing treatment, I would never, never, never,never want that done anywhere on my body ever again. No. Nyet. I’d rather have a dozen more tattoos.
Maybe my skin isn’t that sensitive. I get my eyebrows waxed a couple times a year as a treat for myself, and it doesn’t bother me too much. I did, however, get my lower legs waxed a couple days before I got married…. That was unpleasant. Especially because I had to go back, because the aesthethestitician missed huge spots. And then I got ingrown hairs from it. Noooot my favorite thing.
Okay, about EB’s family decal link here: the Mom OF 14 KIDS is “waiting for the day that I can replace the ‘carefree’ mummy sticker and put the pregnant mummy back.” Carefree mummy sticker? She’s got 14 kids!
The only way I can figure a mother of 14 being “carefree” is if she’s finally slipped a cog and stopped caring about anything anymore.
Also, she does not need to “put the pregnant mummy back”. She needs a tubal ligation. I’m gonna have to go with “slipped a cog” here.
Her uterus should be removed and used as a teaching tool in medical school.
I think I remember the condition being called “Clown Car Vagina Syndrome.”
Hey, if she and her husband can pay for them all, that’s their own business, and power to them. I start judging as soon as someone is having that many kids and is on state/federal/gov’ment assistance.
Yeah, they’re probably doing ok if they’re driving around a Mercedes-Benz minivan.
I’m usually OK with it if people are paying for their own brood. Even so, with a worldwide population problem I’m a bit torn on somebody having 14 kids. Part of me is cool with it, and part of me wants to scream at them “We don’t have enough room for that many more people!”
I hate ambivalence, it makes my head hurt.
It’s much easier to be self-righteous when somebody has 16 kids and all of them require full state aid.
If you can afford to feed, clothe, and entertain that many kids that’s fine with me. Hey, have a dozen more and call ’em doughnuts. Unless you’ve read A Modest Proposal recently.
In reply to the waxing discussion above, I get my legs waxed every month. It hurts, but not for as long as if I nicked myself shaving. I get my eyebrows done once in a while.
Before my wedding, I was getting waxing done, and without asking, the lady did my upper lip. That hurt a *lot* and kept hurting.
We have plenty of room for that many people, Taco. We just need to perfect the cities from the Bioshock series. As in, in the air, and underwater.
“Clown Car Vagina Syndrome” for band name of the day!
Taco, if your cock has gray scales, Al Sharpton is the least of your worries.
I agree that, if you can support them (ALL of them), then it’s your own business how many kids to have. However, I can’t help it – it does strike me as the HEIGHT of arrogance to think that the world needs that many of your particular offspring. That Duggar family with 19 kids, while apparently self-supporting, apparently think God is the one making the decisions about how many kids they have. I think if God wanted anyone to have 19 kids, S/He wouldn’t have invented condoms, the pill, sponges, IUD’s, and homosexuality. (Which, ya gotta admit, is a pretty effective form of birth control.)
I’ve always claimed that homosexuality is good for the environment because of the negative population growth the homosexual community incidentally maintains. Not only that, but in states that allow it, homosexuals make up a significant portion of the adoptions that occur. So not only are they not producing extra people, but they’re giving homes to those who need them. Win/win.
It really throws off people who are anti-gay but pro-green. Watching that conflict of interest play out in their mind is both fun and rewarding.
Incidentally, my wife and I are limiting ourselves to two biological children (This stems more from my wife’s dislike of pregnancy and giving birth than anything else). If we decide we want any more after that we’ll be adopting (Which is fairly likely given the serious conversations we’ve had about adoption).
I’ve got a cousin who, through some quirk of biology, can’t have kids. She and her husband adopted two boys and a girl from Ecuador and they are one of the happiest families I know of.
OMG, homosexuality is green! That is awesome! I can’t wait to find a homophobic environmentalist to try that out on. I don’t know any, but now I’m going to have to cruise the interwebs to find some. BTW, I know I’m new to commenting on this site (although I originally fell in love with the posts and now am just as fond of your comments). Would it be presumptuous of me to suggest “The Homophobic Environmentalists” as the great band name of the day?
Hey Andie – Welcome. Are you a lawyer?
I think The Homophobic Environmentalists is a great band name, although you know everyone will just abbreviate it as HomoEnviro, which doesn’t quite convay the same idea.
Do I have to answer the “are you a lawyer” question? Because, in some circles, that is like asking “have you gained weight?” (The answer to both questions is yes but I think Emily Post would recommend that you simply kindly ignore it.)
More than one lawyer posts here regularly. It’s not entirely surprising, considering how many of the lawyers I know are persnickety about things like proper grammar and punctuation. So far, no one has been rude to me about my lawyerliness – at least, not that I’ve noticed.
We only accept humorous lawyers around here :-p
I have a humerus. Two, in fact.
I have a Ham bone…
What?
The ham bone’s connected to the….
I know I’m late for this party, but I have to say, Welcome Andie! And a big high five/amen on the topic. I’ve argued that homosexuality is nature’s population control on several occassions with homophobes, many of whom had more children than they could support without state aid.
I can’t wait to see what kind of ads show up today.
CougarLife doesn’t have anything on “Exotic Cocks.com”
So far it looks to me like the ads are avoiding the topic entirely. I’ve had solar energy, and refinancing.
As of 3 pm EDT, it appears that Google AdSense has wisely refrained from generating related ads. Go Kiva Microfinance! Yes, I mean that seriously.
Ummm….I got an ad for Wal-Mart chicken eggs.*
*This isn’t true. I just had to say something.
Same here, but for some reason I rarely get the fun ads for the pages. Today, that would be a blessing.
It often takes 24 hours for Google to figure out what the page is about. I expect something horrible tomorrow.
*whimpers*
That’s pretty much the only one I ever get, so I’ve missed out on all the conversations about fun* ads.
*Or disturbing. Whatever.
I get two different microfinance ones, and a solar power one. But, I’m at work, and Google probably knows that. I bet a get funner ones at home.
Anybody here seen my old friend Abraham?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
I just sold his pony for three hundred dollars.
I thought he might have a guitar.
Yes, I know, I’m OLD! 8) Say it loud, I’m gray and I’m proud!
*giggle*
Do you still do the fist pump or just shake your cane for emphasis when you say that? Because I’m picturing a hoard of proud, angry Grampdaddys. 🙂
christina – close on that, but it isn’t “shake your cane”. When gray, loud, and proud, it’s “swing the cane for the bleacher seats”. Can I get an ‘Amen!’, Windy?
As an aside, when I read your comment christina, I thought about my mother. All 4’10” and 93 pounds of her. She was a terror during her life – full of fire, liberal righteousness, feminism, ageism, etc., and I NEVER saw her back down from anyone or anything. MandaB can confirm – Grandma was hell on wheels when she got riled up.
And then came Alzheimers…..
AMEN! 8) Sorry to take so long. But the enthusiasm is there.
‘Tis true. Grandma was hell on wheels.
Wonderful, sweet, loving, caring, warm,and generous, with a strong social conscience and boundless energy to fight for what she believed in. There’s that phrase about being the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says, “Damn, she’s up!” That was Grandma. Even in the earlier Alzheimers years she still displayed that fire. It produced some remarkably funny moments which served all of us well during the later, more painful times. Alzheimers sucks…but grandma was awesome!
Sometimes I swear, YSaC is a bizzaro world where you are the bizzaro version of my mother, but you got a few more man parts than just the “evil twin goatee.”
You just described my maternal grandmother from the not backing down to alzheimers. Of course my paternal grandmother is just as feisty and insanely liberal, but fortunately she still has (most of) her faculties at 84.
The black, kids pony, and 6 yr. old black men’s dress had no shoes. Even though the black guitar scored a pair from the black juvies, they were subsequently lost in a game of chicken with a large black cock.
What?
Look!
:points at box:
Windrose has to punch herself today!
Awesome, Windy!! Want us to line up and take turns punching you?
It’s like a belated (and well deserved) birthday present!
*blush* Gee, thanks, everyone. CJ, I so appreciate the thought, but I can handle this myself. Really. I insist. Put down the boxing gloves and go about your business. Meej, aww, that’s so nice. I’ll be back later to inflict damage on my own self.
Why are you punching yourself Windrose? Why are you punching yourself Windrose? Stop punching yourself Windrose.
Why yes, I am 10 years old, thanks for asking.
:puts boxing gloves away…reluctantly:
Always here for ya, babe!
Must. Resist… Urge…
HARD ON!
PAM!
WHAT??
That’s funny, you look different then I imagine you…
What, you imagined something more like this? (You know, after you clear your cache…)
*Swoon*
Apparently HamCan’s got a crush on Paula Dean.
I call her PAM Anderson…
I can only think of a comment substituting Pamder for pander….but I don’t know how to word it funnily. Someone else try.
Ok….first it was Pam from The Office. Then it was a can of Pam. Now it’s…..someone’s head on Pam?
Oh…Pam, change your name to PamCan. You and Hammy will be perfect for eachother.
You can’t tell me the last one wasn’t intentional so it would get more attention.
I’ve seen green/blue peacocks and I’ve seen white ones. Brown if you count the hens. But never all black FEATHERS.
( last word capitalized so no one tries to make an innuendo out of this )
Hehe…you said “in you endo”…
Gotcha Silva!
Actually, Silva, yes I can.
The last one was not intentional in order to get more attention. See, easy as pie…or cake….ice cream….now I’m hungry.
So “Black Cock Down” was the heroic story of a bird injured behing enemy lines? That’s a relief!
I thought it was a xxx version of “Chicken Run”.
Is that the one where all the cocks get laid?
*what?
I can’t even think of how that couldn’t be explicit.
Well you see, NMN, all birds, even the cocks start out as eggs. Eggs are laid by hens. So, in essence, all cocks are laid by hens.
*see, not explicit at all 🙂
Still explicit.
Eh, not really. Ever seen a hen lay an egg? Pretty funny looking.
Wait a minute…. I just realized this. Who the heck has a peacock as a pet? I get the feeling someone stole it from the zoo, or Disney World.
People in rural or semi-ruralish areas own them, NMN. I’ve seen them on multiple occasions. There was a pair that got away from their owner and lurked around my parents’ neighborhood. They liked to go to the house across the street and visit the sliding glass doors on that house’s deck, where the male would spread his tailfeathers and admire his reflection in the glass of the doors. From time to time, I’ve seen people with small flocks of peacocks, including the white ones; owning them may not be quite as exotic as you surmise.
Was his name Marcel?
The meat is good, too, if rich. Almost self-basting, too.
But guinea fowl is a bit more profitable for meat.
With the spiffy addition of the fact that they are a natural insect and tick control.
If less pretty than pea-fowl (and almost as scary calls).
They are LOUD!!!! I have several of them, they roam around a bit too. You can hear them from blocks away cackling. Great watch birds, anything comes on the property and you know about it.
They are also very strong flyers, at least as good as pheasant.
I have Guineas, not Pea fowl.
Psst, Ham, they prefer to be called “Italian-American” now.
True story, and I can’t remember if I’ve told it before so forgive me if I did: As a child of the seventies, both my brother and I had deep olive skin (as most southern Italian-types do) and long hair that my mom would fashion into two side braids. Our rather red neckey neighbors would call us “Wop-ahoe Indians.” A few years later, in grade school, we were learning about Native Americans and the teacher asked if any of us were part or full N.I. Guess who raised her hand and proudly told the class she was a Wop-ahoe? My parents got a hone call and I learned that I was, in fact, Italian.
Right…I forgot.
They are fairly easy to care for, just throw them some bread and cheese now and then, maybe a little cheap wine and pasta if they get restless.
Trouble with them is they keep forming into mobs and breaking each others knee caps and their call keeps me up at night, “FORGEDABOUDIT” over and over. I think I’ll just turn them all in to cacciatore.
And we all know Lola is worldly and sophisitcated enough to know the term for Italian-Americans is derived from a term (rendered in English as “jenny”) meaning “donkey” rather than the nation in Africa.
Plenty of people keep peacocks as pets. My ex’s neighbors had some.
People in rural areas often have them as they keep the snake population down. They’re also great alarms, as they spook fairly easiliy and give a cry that sound like “HELP!”
This is a corey; I’m sorry.
[peacock corey] Peacocks are exotic pets, usually raised for the male’s feathers or as breeding stock. They are actually fairly expensive birds, chicks can go for thirty to sixty dollars each, more if it’s a rare color. That’s for a tiny bit of fluff that you can’t even be certain will be male or female, let alone what color it will be. (As a price comparison, a freshly hatched chicken costs a dollar or two and a duckling goes for around three dollars or so.)[/peacock corey]
I’ve known a couple of people who had peafowl but I don’t see the allure. They are noisy things.
They ARE noisy!
The first time I heard one I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Sounded like someone was being murdered.
Thank you for the corey, it clears up the mystery of the screaming/honking/choking noise I’ve been hearing that makes my dogs howl. Neighbor down the street recently bought some peafowl chicks. I guess they’ve grown enough to be annoying.
Oh, sorry. That was just me out late with my poncho.
I mean, right, the peafowls from down the street. Not me. I don’t even live near there.
LRC, are you stalking christina?
Weeeellllll……ummmmmmmmm…
Look, that’s just such an attractive large-silver-spider-on-a-small-end-table in her avitar, I kind of can’t help myself. I’ve never seen one like it.
Watch it now, LRC, the great Crystal Spider of Crappy IKEA table-land thinks poncho looks tasty. 🙂
Of all the things you say, you HAVE to say Crystal Spider? I think that’s hilarious.
Yep, I had to say Crystal Spider because that’s what he is. Click my name for the full explanation.
I think it’s hilarious for a different reason, one which I am not divulging.
Noisy as all get-out. , except when they’re just strutting around being in stealth-peacock-mode for no particular reason.
While working as a landscaper one summer, I was on a rather nice estate doing some planting when one of their peacocks strolled up behind me unnoticed before doing its horrid soul-rending screech of doom. Scared the jumping-clothespin-jeebus out of me.
The scary part is you’re not expecting something that sounds like that to come out of a bird that looks like a peacock. You’re admiring the stately plumage of a majestic bird and then HOLY SPICE CHRIST DID SOMEONE PUT A CAT IN THE BLENDER?
Slightly OT:
Do Giraffes make noises?
Good question.
I do know the males use the horns on each other to assert dominance during the rut.
Where I learned that, I do not (but I suspect the catulator watches wildlife shows when I am asleep).
This is my one zoological fact*! They can’t make normal ‘call’ noises, as their necks are too attenuated to allow the vocal chords to produce deliberate sounds, but they grunt and huff and things when they’re running about chasing cocks**.
*Thanks to QI, this may not be true.
**What? At Wellington Zoo the giraffes, zebras and peacocks all happily co-exist in the savannah-type exhibit. And wallabies. No I don’t think the zoo managers own an atlas.
One of my neighbors had a peacock and several peahens. Peacocks may be pretty to look at but they emit a truly disturbing call. There’s nothing quite so irritating as being awakened at 3 AM by what sounds like a woman screaming while being strangled.
Sadly, my neighbor’s pea critters met with violent endings when someone opened a gate to their pen allowing a wild animal (or mean-ass dog) to dine on them. Foul (fowl) play is suspected.
And no, the J-Dog did not have a hand (or teeth) in such a heinous act.
There were some that were at a campground I was staying at once — I was up all night because of the things. To me, when they cry, it sounds like a waddler/toddler crying “Mommy! Mommy!”
I agree–the call of a peacock is one of the eeriest sounds in the known world.
Try running into one of these things….
That’s on Cracked….here:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-lovable-animals-you-didnt-know-are-secretly-terrifying/
Took me half an hour to find that.
I used to live in an A-frame cabin in a rural part of the world. My bed was up in a loft, close to the peak of the cabin roof. A neighbor’s peacock loved to get out of his pen and perch up there. So first there were the scrabbly claws as he made his way up. Then the ear-splitting, sleep-killing cries to his mate to come join him. He was such a smooth talker.
I once “accidentally” shot one while pheasant hunting…
It was in the morning and dim light, a big bird flew out of the corn and it had a long tail…BAM.
Sweet clothespin Jeebus Spice Christ that was the biggest pheasant I’ve ever seen*walks over*…oh…oops.
Tasted good though.
(It was feral, probably escaped from someones farm)
Did it taste like chicken?
Yes…just like chicken!
*Enter Kelli or Mudsy with the tastes like p-Cock jokes*
What?
….good thing we didn’t step in it.
Can’t blame you for eating it Hammy. Afterall, who doesn’t like a nice bit of cock in his/her mouth?
*Okay, I’ll just stay in the corner and read this restraining order from the line.
More like goose, or dark meat on a wild turkey.
Yes, I know Capn’, I was trying not to fall into the trap SJ was setting…
Almost worked too 😉
Not as greasy as goose though, probably more like Squab.
Good thing you weren’t hunting with DICK Cheney!
Dick might have blasted him in the face. That would be kinda awkward.
Sounds kinda naughty when you put it that way SaraJean.
If I saw Dick coming I would shoot first…
What?
Hammy: that’s what a lot of women wish they could do.
How many people actually ‘want’ to hunt for Dick? I mean with.
It’s not like anyone wants to mount him over the fireplace.
What?
The fiscal department would like to know why I need a new keyboard. Well, they get that I spewed diet coke all over it, but they would like to know, specifically, WHY. Given that we have a fairly strict “de minimis use” internet policy, how am I to respond? And what if they are Cheney fans? Please, you’re all intelligent and articulate, HELP!
P.S. I hope you meant “mount” the way I took it, because otherwise I will feel both fiscally irresponsible AND pervy. Not to mention, you know, kinda sticky from the diet coke.
I will swat them with my mighty poncho. Then I will duct tape it to their “down there”s. They will never bother you again.
Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
You swallowed down the wrong tube and choked.* They can’t blame you for trying to save your life by coughing the diet coke out. 😉
*Yes. I know. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Well, sure, if you wanted a “realistic” answer, go with Bridgete’s. But can you imagine the fun if a large, poncho-wielding, moose came into your office to avenge your honor?
Andie:
To the attention of the Fiscal Department. Please direct IT services to provide a sealed, spill proof keyboard for [andie’s] computer. This will be a reasonable workplace accomodation amd will be more cost-effective than stock=piling replacment keyboards until that gloriius day when sufficient billable product has been produced and ending the threat involuntary jocularity forever.
Yours in exquisite compliance with labour regulations and policy manuals,
s.
A. Sparquie, Esq.
Why’s it always gotta be a black thing? No, wait… not a black “thing”… um… will brain bleach make it all white?
Coincidentally, this just showed up on my twitter: RT @eatsustainable: @TomPhilpott aims to crack the secrets behind the egg industry and bring down its cock of the walk http://ow.ly/2E57s
I didn’t know eggs were so important. Did you see the related stories?
Nope. I don’t actually read all this stuff, I just feel it is my mission to redistribute it around the internetz as I skip my way through them in my poncho. {g}
This explains why the black crayon was missing in my box of 8 colors. I couldn’t finish drawing a picture of my black cat. So sad..
Punctuation saves lives, as we were just discussing.
Or, in this case, makes life less disturbing.
And keeps Al Sharpton away.
From this point on (or maybe a little earlier) I am not responsible for the comments I post making little or no sense. Just took the pain killer and the muscle relaxer the doctor prescribed for my hip and back.
A little, in geologic time?
🙂
OT nonsense: My husband refuses to give up the hope of finding a table on CL and showed me an ad today for a French Provincial dinning table. How the hell does one nail the elusive provincial and STILL mangle dining? To make matters worse, in the body of the ad they called it shabby chick.
Do you have a link to the ad? I don’t really know what a French Provincial Table looks like.
A shabby chick? I don’t think Black Cocks like that kind.
(Ooops, was that my outside voice?)
Nope, that’s Shabbie Sheek, she won major awards for her roles in “Breakfast on Tiffany”, “Slut Trek III: The Search For Cock” and “Riding Ms. Daisy.”*
*sorry, I’m no good at making up pron names.
*is very disappointed that a long thread of pron titles wasn’t created*
Well, I think most of our dirtiest minds went to bed, but if Hammy’s still up, you may get your wish. In the mean time, here are the worst real pron titles that I know of:
Plump Friction
The Rocky Porno Video Show
Super Hornio Brothers
I can only think of one, but I don’t want to be yelled at.
Anyone notice that on most weekdays I stop commenting for a few hours in the evening, then start again later all at once? Anyone wonder why*?
*I’m very bored at the moment.
T-shirt alone time?
Uhhhh…..that doesn’t take a few hours, and I don’t use a T-shirt.
Anyways, I have college classes at night Monday through Thursday.
Edit: Don’t say that’s gross. It’s pretty normal actually, or at least that’s what Psychology says.
The reading on my gross-o-meter is dependent upon whether you attempt to sell anything related to your version of quiet T-shirt time on CL. If not, then it’s cool.
It’s been swell, but the swelling has gone down. I will never be able to tell you folks how much you and your silliness mean to me. ((HUGS))
Windrose!
What?
Hold up your card and prepare to meet your Marker! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Ocean City!
Ok….last time Windrose mentioned Baltimore….this time Ocean City…..Stop stalking me please.
She gets the place names from the discussion…
Dear Sir,
I just saw your ad for the peacock. What a splendid animal. It looks quite large, even for a peacock. I don’t have room to keep one, but I have found that petting them in the evening helps bring me piece of mind. I know this may sound crazy, but I would love to pay you $20 to stroke your huge black cock all night long some time.
It sounded fine right up to the end…..but I KNEW something was coming.
You said… never mind.
Yes, I know what I said.
This just in….
In a stunning revelation, The Line announced today that it is returning to safer climes aka “South Park” where it can be relatively certain it will not take the abuse it has here.
“I just can’t stand it anymore.” The Line was heard whimpering as it left YSaC.
On a related note, without The Line, YSaC denizens are expected to wreak havoc unfettered.
This reporter is going into hiding for now….totally unrelated…no, really….
The question remains though, is that a freebie offering or a demand for liberation?
:click:
*sigh*
:click:
*sigh*
:click:
*sigh*
*ditto*
*sigh*
*click*
*sigh*
*click*
*sigh*
*sigh*
I once saw a classified ad in a newspaper — you know, the kind that is printed on paper? — that said “Spayed black female, free to a good home!” And that was all it said. I couldn’t believe the classified section’s editor didn’t catch that one.