YSaC, Vol. 746: Room and boor.
2010 August 2
Room& Board in exchange for babysitting
Looking for mature FEMALE to babysit out child Sunday-Thursday 5P.M. to 11 P.M. In exchange for beautiful furnished room in our large home. You will have access to direct TV, and wireless internet if you have a computer. You will need to provide your own food, as we do not cook or keep food in the house. If interested please call xxx-xxx-xxxx. Pets are not welcome, so please do not ask!
This one doesn’t look so bad at first, but then you start thinking about it … and you realize a few things:
- You’ll be watching a kid for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. That’s 30 hours per week, or roughly 120 hours per month. Even at minimum wage (federal = $7.25/hr), that’s the equivalent of $870 worth of work that you’re doing in exchange for room and board. (The submitter points out that that is at least twice the going rate for a room and board rental in this particular area.)
- Oh, did I say board? Oh, right, because the ad says board. However, that usually implies that there’s food involved somehow that is included in the price being quoted. Since these people appear to exist by photosynthesis rather than by engaging in the act of ingesting nutrients, you’ll end up having to pay for your own food — which means that the whole board thing is pretty much a lie.
- And, unless their kid doesn’t eat at all between the hours of 5 pm to 11 pm, it looks like you might have to provide food for the kid as well.
- Oh look, there’s the asshat tag.
Thanks, Kasia!
Aliens! They must be aliens invading our world via craigslist! That’s why they refer to the kid as “out child” since they hatched it out for this plot. *grabs foil, makes lots of hats*
Somehow, knowing that the invasion is via CL makes me worry a lot less. Judging by the average intelligence displayed by the posts here, I’m not sure there are enough brains for the aliens to control.
But I’ll take a tinfoil hat, just in case.
AR, your logic has saved me from dashing down to the Duane Reade and seeing if they sell tinfoil. You’re right – if CL is an example, then alien “intelligence” may not be quite what we are fearing.
I’m going to wear this foil-lined thermal lunchbag on my head when I go outside, though, just to be safe.
Lola, the best part is that being in NY, no one will give you a second glance.I say do it just for fun!
Christina, there are probably Williamsburg hipsters who are already wearing them.
And the really good part is that, since it is thermal, it will keep your head cool and fresh from the heat, AND it will keep your hair neatly in place. A nice cool, fresh, minty head.
Hmm, but the hipsters should be wearing PBR beerbox hats, or is that not ironic anymore?
Mmm, minty head. I have minty shampoo, but somehow when Grampdaddy says “minty head” another product entirely comes to mind.
Thanks, Christina, now I’m thinking about Altoids and urban legends …
As for PBR beerbox hats, now that you can buy them online they probably aren’t hip enough for hipsters … repurposing one’s lunch bag is probably odd enough, though.
Hipsters would wear hats made out of PBR boxes if they were branded by Thule, Nike or North Face.
Speaking of hipsters, here’s a link to a hipster item on a fun blog that I like called Here’s the Problem.
Assuming, of course, that I’ve coded that correctly. We may be entering edit mode, folks.
What about South Butt?
South Butt’s a division of Moleskin so I’m pretty sure hipsters would fully embrace it.
It’s like a perfect storm! Pretentious poetic name brand AND “irony”!
Dear Windrose, can I have a tin hat and a sword as well, please? Pretty please?
Everyone gets a free hat today! And tig, for you, I have this pole arm that I stole in Germany.
Well, then, if you’re handing out free hats … I’ll take one.
Careful with the free hats. I hear they’re $10 for 3.
I thought they were for sale, so I could take them for free.
[insert snark]
Sorry, I’ve spent most of the day running errands and killing an ant invasion. ONE chip crumb that happened to have fallen next to the outside wall which happened to have a small hole in it. *sigh* Lola, I’ll take that flask now…
That was supposed to be much lower…below the actual mention of the flask. Meh.
A bird Named Windrose passed out hats
They were worn all of the cats
Some were ten dollars for three
Others on sale for free
While Daleks in tutus stomped ants
Ooh, sword, good idea! I could
do some real damagedefend myself effectively with a sword.Everyone gets all serious if I show up with hat and sword (in any of the combinations possible)
Everyone gets all serious if I just show up. I don’t know why.
Well, there’s nothing more flippant than a Dalek in a tutu, so we have to compensate.
COM-PEEEEEN-SATE!
(sorry about that :-p)
Oh, I see. Next time I go into a room, I’ll tell everyone they needn’t compensate for anything, and we can all be flamboyantly flippant together.
Mmmmm, forbidden flambouyant flippancy…
I think my snark is broken, I’m bringing out Simpsons jokes.
*Whips out the re-snarkualtor and zaps Eclectic.
There, now say something snarky, hurry now…
*taps foot while jeopardy music plays in background
That’s what she said?
Hmmm, I think we need to try something else…
Lola, the flask!
*passes flask*
Oh, I read “babysit out” like “rent out”. As in, they’ll be babysitting the kid out to her, because it’s such a privilege to take care of its needs (and presumably the parents’ sexual needs as well, judging from the emphasis on MATURE FEMALE).
5. Most children go to bed sometime between 5 and 11 pm, so this includes putting the kid to bed, which is often less than pleasant.
So really, these people have some extra space, so they figure they can get someone to feed their child and put him to bed for no real cost to themselves. Asshats, indeed.
6. Also, it’s somewhat relevant how old this child is!
I’m guessing the child is of an age to have homework. They want someone to “babysit” it (some idea of the child’s gender would have been an appropriate thing to mention) Sunday through Thursday evenings… normal homework nights. They don’t mind having the kid on Friday or Saturday evenings which, if they were just trying to get out to party, would be prime party time.
But, oh joy, once you do finish helping the kid with their homework and getting it all tucked into bed (with maybe a lullaby or two) you get FREE TIME.
And who the hell doesn’t “keep food in the house.” How can you not have at least several cans of soup and catsup of dubious provenance? Someone needs to hit them with that Board they aren’t actually providing.
I’m getting all kinds of asschapeau emanating from this posting.
College students still get homework. You may have to feed them and buy a keg on a regular basis.
Well, and since the “parents” have no food in the house (let us presume that they dine out, on what, let the snark ensue).
Now, first case I think of is that there are bugs involved. So, if there are no bugs now, babby-sitter takes the blame.
Or, {shudder} the place is already infested, then consider the horror for the babby-sitter. (Which would explain the “board,” it’s to smash the bugs . . . )
{ick}
Would it be naive to ask what they, the parents, would be doing whilst I was out baby-sitting? That’s out in their phraseology since I’d be in at their’s babysitting an out child.
*I now need to sit down as my brain hurts.*
*not that I’d think of applying for this slavery / job / board*
The ad didn’t specify, but I’m really hoping they’re in Ish cuz I could use a job like this.
As for the food…no problem, I just have to be in the same room as a chocolate cake and I gain five lbs. so I must be ingesting it through osmosis.
I think I gained a few ounces just reading that.
So, what do you kids like to eat?
McDonalds!
Oh, that’s nice. Anything else?
What do you mean? Mommy told us McDonalds is the only food. Everyone else ran out.
That’s just… great.
My thoughts exactly. And that killed my snark. “French fries are fruit, right?”
French Fries are vegetables, catsup is a fruit.
I would be very depressed if I didn’t know you were being snarky.
Don’t worry, I am.
I know catsup is considered a beverage.
Fruit juice, like OJ.
Why bother with all that when a Big Mac has all 5 food groups! It’s like tasty health food.
I’m sorry, the correct answer is “Sprite, with all of the lemon-lime fruity goodness every child needs.”
Taco, we will also accept Big Mac, although it qualifies as more than a fruit.
Chicken nuggets = midget chickens = little chickens = eggs – Grade A small
*can I have some honey mustard sauce to go with my egg white and yolk?*
Wasn’t it pizza? I remember it being pizza… (And I didn’t chime in on this conversation earlier, but that’s the argument that my brother and I would always use to try to get our parents to order Pizza [the] Hut.)
As I remember, cake is an accepted breakfast menu item.
(Posting during lunch at Band Camp)
Hmmm, according to the Department of Education (I think – might have been FDA) during the Reagan administration, catsup (or ketchup) was considered a vegetable for inclusion in school lunches…
Should this be considered a [semi-corey]?
Yes, Gramps.
I’ve heard that (though I was barely alive at the time).
As I said above, depressing.
Gramps: that ketchup-veggy thing was only a rumor that Andrew Breitbart started. I hear he’s in like flint with the FDA.
[corey] Tomatoes are biologically fruits, but they were classified as vegetables in the United States so they could be taxed [corey]
*Yay, I remember something from my plant biology class!*
…but are they minty?? Then they could fall under the category of “herb” and could be legally taxed soon in California.
[produce corey]
Vegetables that are TECHNICALLY fruits:
Cucumbers, zucchini, squash, tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, and bananas.
[/produce corey]
Aren’t eggplants dairy? Or maybe chicken nuggets (aka meat)?
No wonder my food triangle always looks like a polyhedonist.
Bananas? I’ve honestly never heard or seen it referred to as a vegetable. The rest I know are fruits, yet are often called vegetables. I had a ten minute argument with a friend of my mother’s because he insisted cucumbers were veggies. His reasoning? They were in a salad.
Yeah, vegetables usually just lay there and bananas run around flailing their arms in the air.
What?
I’m with kelli.
TM, did you mean: Bananas are fruit that are TECHNICALLY a vegetable. Because most people would label them a fruit—I’ve never got into an argument with someone about them being a vegetable—except maybe the V8 Fruit Fusion people.
Close the pod bay doors HAM…..your banana is protruding.
See, told ya I could put up a tent…
What?
Zipping a tent is a whole different animal.
The noise tends to wake up bears.
RAWRRRR!
Pitching a tent in public seems to be a problem for some folk. I think it’s the widespread use of artificial tent-pitching enhancers.
Can’t anyone pitch a tent the old-fashioned way anymore – with a lot of awkward fumbling, loud cursing, and
definitelypossibly a massivelinkamount of alcoholic beverages?Well, I for one am willing to give it a try…
Ah ha! I knew croutons were vegetables! So is bleu cheese, awesome!
I tossed bananas in there to stir up trouble. Glad to see my effort paid off :P.
Mudsy, let’s start our own religon, the Polyhedonists. Carpe Banana!
So they don’t keep any food in the house, none. Nada.
Now, I don’t have one of my own, but I have baby-sat my sister’s
little hellionsprecious bundles of joy and one thing I’ve noticed is they like to eat. A lot. Granted, it doesn’t have to be what I would describe as “food”, but they do eat as often as they can get away with it.I’m curious as to what Mr. and Ms McSparkcase do whenever their
alien podlittle darling gets a rumbling in their tumbly – dash out to the food bunker out back, harvest a few pints at the local blood bank, or hit the Taco Bell drive-thru?This has all the promise of an alien horror story with children. Honey I Ate the Kids as a working title? or I Sat On An Alien Baby ? *damn, no, this is the excuse Miss Sparky uses when she gets pregnant*
“Honey, I swear – it was aliens! They implanted their unnatural seed in my belly!”
“Well, okay; I believe you, sweetie bunny. It’s just odd how they seem to abduct you every time Hector comes by to clean the pool.”
Serve up the 3-D alien porn!
http://www.techeye.net/internet/woman-says-3d-porno-made-her-pregnant
That made me sad, after I laughed hard enough to worry about my bladder holding.
Oh, Litarider, that is … hilarious (yeah, I’m gonna go with hilarious and ignore that this [crude adjective redacted] female is shamelessly taking advantage of her absent hubby’s trust and gullibility).
I can just guess what kind of 3-D she was getting from her friend.
OTOH, perhaps her hubby wasn’t so credulous, they made up, and now they are both taking us all for a ride. I think I prefer to believe that is the case.
Oh, pooh. Reading the comments, that 3d porn article was taken from one of the “fake news” tabloids that make silly stuff up. Guess I do not have to feel sorry for the husband since he doesn’t exist. 🙂
The husband is a military man, so obviously he’s used to the scheme “don’t ask. just do. no matter how bonkers.” I don’t really think this story’s true, though.
Funny, I was thinking that it must be Mr. Sparky who would like having another FEMALE around… and by “mature” he means he has a thing for older women.
Or “mature” might just mean “old enough to be legal.”
I was thinking more along the lines of ‘has hit puberty.’
Laurel, aren’t you a bit young for … something?
Oi, I’m doing anything! Talk to Sparky, he’s the one looking for mature FEMALES. I’m just gonna sit in my room and bask in the light of my computer screen until my brain finally becomes one with the internet.
On second thought, that’s not such a good idea. I’ll go outside and practise marching. But no, I’m not doing anything *shudders*
Well, which is it? Are you doing anything or not doing anything?
Laurel, I meant more along the lines of “too young to know such things.”
What kind of board are we talking about here? If they’re just offering some cheap ass warped to hell plywood the forget it. I only
neglect kids while surfing the free wifiswatch children if they offer up some nice exotic hardwoods.Mr. and Mrs. Sparky don’t list any qualifications other than FEMALE. Does that mean that RuPaul could do this job? That little kid could learn a lot between 5 and 11 pm!
They also have to be “mature”, which pretty much rules me out.
I think it rules out pretty much everyone, since those “mature” enough to know better wouldn’t want the job, and anyone who would want the job they wouldn’t consider “mature”.
TRUEBLOOD: “It’s just funny. I never really thought that I was smart enough to get depressed. But, here I am.”
Such an excellent Jason S. line. It was such a devilish episode last night . . .
I think by typing FEMALE in all caps means they want an Amazon babysitter, who would probably need extra board to keep up her strength.
No, they just wanted to make sure they were loud enough that very “mature FEMALES” could hear them.
Eh? What’s that you say, sonny?
I said, “Munch some TAMALES”
Hmmm, that wasn’t meant as an innuendo…
*Blushes*
It was an unintenduendo…
Since RuPaul is really male, does FEMALE actually mean something in code?
No
CRAZYcommentHey, I don’t see any problem with this. Have you not read the Twilight saga? A nice vampire family has moved into town. They obviously have to work nights; they can’t go out in the daylight because they sparkle. They all have the appearance of teens, but the younger they claim to be in the beginning, the longer they can stay in an area so, for the sake of appearances, they want to hire someone to watch the 80-year-old “kids.”
I say go for it! The Cullens’ house is awesome!
Oh, and Indigo, I don’t appreciate my name being used as an insult. (kidding)
So maybe the “board” promised in the ad is the babysitter being food *for* the nice vampire family?
Sorry Sparky, it’s not just Indigo :-p
On a related note, a couple of my coworkers are talking about Starcraft 2, and apparently one of the sound clips that happens with a certain character is “Keep your pants on, Sparky!” He said he laughed every time he heard it, and he doesn’t even know about YSaC and Sparky McSparkster!
Free room and board in exchange for picking cotton.
Contact Colonel Beauregard at Drayton Hall plantation……….
Hmm. It appears comment editing has broken again. Anyone else having issues?
EDIT: Except now it seems to be working for this comment.
I have a life sized cutout of Bea Arthur that would be perfect for the job.
Perfect indeed – mature, no need for food – or for that matter, sleep or much room at all.
Ummmm…no you don’t. You left Bea back at the campsite next to your truck and that white tent you weren’t able to assemble.
I’ve never had a problem putting up a tent…
What?
The words “tent” and “Bea Arthur” in the same sentence might make the erection [of said tent] more difficult.
In the words of the immortal Squiggy, “maybe so, maybe so…”
Squiggy? Is he some sort of character from Spongebob?
🙂
This sounds awesome! Free room and boar? I’ve been looking for a boar that I could take to pig roasts, just to walk around and terrify the other guest. Where do I sign up?
*re-reads* Oh. Nevermind. I can be bored for free at home, and we have food.
Out Child is this who came to Craigslist
looking for a cheap nanny?
Who doesn’t eat because Sparkys cheap,
But you can watch direct TV
Him, him oh sweet clothespin Jebus!
May poncho lice bite and truck bees sting
Waste, waste of the air he breathes
The asshat at least has the internets
Can’t wait until the stores start playing the Christmas music, because I’ll be singing this one along with it. 8)
Hamcan, are you documenting these gems somewhere all together? I’d love to put together a YSaC Carols book, if at least for my own
nefariouspurposes :-pHmm, no they just
spewcome out as I type.🙂
Sounds like a job for someone to do on the forum…YSaC song book, there are a lot of really good ones done by other people also, to many to list.
Basic life theory learned from having crazy roommates: never trust someone who brags that they don’t cook.
And I do believe the Sparkies left out their second requirement here: not only must you be FEMALE for this gig, you must be DESPERATE.
No pets? Well, I can’t take it then. Shoot, and I was really looking forward to caring for your kid for 30 hours a week and wandering about town to beg for food during my off hours.
Carrying your cat with you, no doubt, as Severus needs to eat as well. 8)
Well, they have harnesses for cats. I’m sure he’d hate it though.
Obviously the board about which they are speaking is in reference to the furnishings in the room, not food products. It’s a beautiful board. It’s also versatile: use it as a desk, a bed, a chair–anything!
Anyone else have the feeling that “You will have access to direct TV, and wireless internet…” may actually mean:
You’ve got a window where you could put a dish, thus ready access to direct TV and the neighbor doesn’t encrypt their wifi!
By the same token “Room” probably means unfinished basement, garage, shed, or broom closet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g7B6o8Ba38&feature=related
Do cobwebs count as furnishings? If so, I have an exceptionally well furnished
crawl spacebasement that would be perfect for this if anyone wants to cat-sit for me from the hours of 11PM to 5AM. Then maybe they wouldn’t wake me up every ten minutes.I’m wondering if the no-food part is some kind of weird snobbery. One of my friends worked in a department where one of the female partners talked about how she didn’t cook and they always threw away any uneaten food because her husband didn’t like having it around: “leftovers are for poor people.”*
*Yeah, they were a pair of entitled asshats, if you’re wondering.
I think maybe…my uncle, for instance, cooks volumes, but “won’t eat leftovers.” Well, then, for the love of Pete and the other starving children in Ethiopia, LEARN TO DO BASIC MATH!
I just have to say this: Point 4 was awesome.
It begs the question, though… Do tags spontaneously generate? If so, what are the chances tags could spread across the interwebs? I’ll be toodling through my email, and find a spam message, and across the top will be DRMK SAYS: NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE.
Also, that would be awesome.
I see Speeling Prolbems all the time.
I’ve read this 5 times and I believe I’ve come to the conclusion that they are looking for a grandmother type since they did say “mature” female. But on the other hand, I would treat my own grandma better than that, so…the only thought in my tiny brain is that they are cannibals (given that they have no standard food in the house). They are not looking for a granny to babysit…they are looking for a granny to eat. Maybe they like their meat aged?
And they’ll eat her on Thursday, so by Sunday they’ll need another
victimbabysitter.That makes sense.
Is it just me, or is it kinda quiet today?
…I like how about 100 comments feels “quiet.” :-p
Lately we’ve been hitting around a hundred at lunchtime, I guess everyone is “busy” today with “work” and “stuff”.
Slackers.
*crickets*
I was here in the morning, but then I had to go do “useful” stuff. But now I’m back. : )
I’ve had marching band since 8 o’clock, so I haven’t been able to get around. I might start bringing my computer to school, but I don’t know if they have the wifi set up yet.
Wait, Laurel, you were at marching band and Astro is also posting from Band Camp (“one time …”)? Are you at the same event?
Yeah, I wanted to be here. But…well, it says above where I was. Blech.
🙁
My department relocated to another building last week.. and now I’m stuck by the door… no more web-surfing during the day until the supervisory units are out of the building…mostly because I can’t hear them coming in time.
I wonder if I can slip a gps tracker system onto them??
Excuses, excuses! I know what really happened. I curse the site accidentally by stating yesterday that we always have 200 or more comments M thru Th, guaranteed. That did it. I will go put myself in the corner and sacrifice some chickens until the curse is lifted.
My computer was being mean to me most of today. Its days are numbered…
So… what is a mature FEMALE supposed to do between the hours of 11PM and 5PM? Get another job to buy food to feed the kids?
This ad sounds suspiciously like my job as a mom. Deal with kid and homework for room and board, and I get bonuses in hugs, kisses and attitude.
I think Sparky posted this ad in the wrong section. He’s obviously a wanna-be polygamist.
All day long I’ve been wanting to give this one the subtitle “Luxury Woman Gets a Nanny”. Then I remembered where children come from and realized that it was highly unlikely Luxury Woman had offspring. For that I am thankful.
I fail to see how touching is required to get the stork to come to your cabbage patch.
Because the stork is blind in his one eye…
So that’s why she said no touching – extreme birth control!
Rats, I wanted to do tonight’s punch early, because old people go to bed as soon as it gets dark. Somebody tell Grampdaddy in the morning, ‘k? Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Williamsburg!
If this kid is really all that young, I’ll take the job and capitalize on it by working the talk-show circuit:
At three years old, little Zenith Asha Poe is the youngest child ever to be out of the closet. Could this be a result of the fact that she doesn’t eat food? Is she influenced by her parents’ practice of using slave labour? Zenith and her devoted nanny answer these questions and more. Next, on Oprah.
Isn’t the major appeal of having a babysitter living in your house the fact that you could get a babysitter anytime you wanted? What is to keep the parent from just leaving the kid at home with the sitter during the sitter’s “off hours”? If anyone were dumb enough to take this posting, they’d end up watching the kid far more than the hours specified.