YSaC, Vol. 744: Cat math on wheels!
2010 July 31
10-speed bicycles – $20
Two 10-speed bikes for sale. 1 lady 10-speed and 1 girl 10-speed. I want $20 a piece or $50 for both. Need new tires. Please contact me at ###-###-#### if interested. Buyer assumes responsibility of picking up item(s).
Wow, two ten-speed bikes! That’s like, what? Twenty-eight speeds put together! Now if I buy just one of those for twenty dollars, that’s almost 3 dollars per speed, but if I buy both, I can get thirteen speeds for every seventeen dollars I spend! And if I do the transaction in rubles, and put the whole thing in escrow for eleventy fortnights, I bet I can end up with ERROR:OUT OF CHEESE!
Thanks for the headache, Caeckert!
Oh, Lady 10 Speed! I love her new album.
Is it the one with the song that’s all like
Ra²×Ah(4)^OohLa=Bad Romance?
Ra²×Ah³(Roma+Romama)ga(2)^ohlala=Bad Romance
But the only 15-year-old boys who should be able to get that right are the ones who prefer massive links to shoulder knees.
I got on FB today and saw that one of my friends likes my link. I giggled.
Very good, Bridgete. However, if you change the formula slightly, you get this:
Ra²×Ah³(Roma+Romama)ga(2)^AhhhLola=Good Romance
Confession: I wanted to like Lady Gaga. I had only seen pictures and those I saw were the odd, yet chaste costumes. I thought if that was the only controvery around her then she’s a far cry better than most pop tartlets. Then I heard that very sound bite Astro referenced. I just couldn’t, I tried but it was just.so.bad!
Then I found out she was bat sh*t crazy and didn’t feel so bad.
I found her amusing for a while. She’s obviously being weird to be weird, shocking to be shocking, fully aware of what she’s doing. In a way, she’s famous while making fun of being famous. I don’t think she’s actually crazy, I think its just a stage persona. Madonna’s too old to be playing that role, so she is.
Her music isn’t that interesting or different from most pop songs, it’s all the costumes and wacky videos.
But that Alejando video… arggghhh… I want to scrub the image of guys with Moe-from-the-3-Stooges haircuts writhing about from my mind. Yet can’t.
I wanted to like her too. And the music serves its purpose…that purpose being that it’s good to dance to. Or clean to, which is what I use dance music for. 😉
I thought Lady 10 Speed was a deodorant. But then again,
I thought Lady Gaga was a guy.
And for our Espanol enhanced listeners she is
“La Guano Loca.”
Bat-[poo] Crazy?
Yes! You got it in one. Grab a handful from petty
cash and get yourself something nice.
And what about Lady Antebellum? (Mrs Stool tole me about them…..yes, apparently they’re a band. Comprised of guys)
Lady A has a female lead singer as well.
Um, [/shortcorey]?
Never heard of them, but then again I’m an aging goth/hippie/art rock/glam queen so unless they appear on the cover of a tabloid that I happen to spy while waiting in line at the grocery store, I have no idea who most bands today are.
Let’s check the math here.
(2(10^Speed)-Tires)÷(Lady^Girl)⋅(20n√50)
(2(elebenty)-Tires)÷(Luxury Women)⋅(Happy 30th, Harry Potter!)
(22enty-Tires)÷(30 Year Old Luxury Potter)
(15 Used Whitewalls)÷(30 Year Old Luxury Potter)
15 Used Luxury Potters on their 30th Birthday
Ew.
You must have a quality catulator there. Mine keeps telling me it comes out to 90 sardines and one can of tuna.
Your catulator may need re-kibbling.
My catulator just keeps getting up and moving to a new spot with a “why are you bothering my nap?” sort of expression.
Obviously yours is solar-powered and you haven’t let it charge for long enough.
It’s forecast to head to 101º today, the catulator has been in the shade of tables and the like all day. More sun does not seem to be the desired thing.
I tried to borrow my sister’s catulator, but then it tried to jump onto my lap, which failed, so it scratched my leg. Now we’re not friends anymore.
Cat Math? Cat Math at 9 am on a Saturday morning?
Why does the Ostrimu hate me so?
Actually, I was just waiting for today’s post, and I’m off for a day of family. I will be back late tonight to enjoy all your snark. *waves*
Oh, yeah. You can play with the poncho all day; I’m pretty sure my mom is not having any of that in her house. *takes off poncho and carefully drapes it over the otterman*
**lets out a grunt of disapproval as Poncho is draped over him.**
Hey! Watch where you put that! Now I’m gonna need another flea bath!
Here ya go, Astro
OH!
This is far better then the “box of shame” I proposed in the forums.
Pwetty Pweese Llamanun?*
*May bees adorn her halo
Oh, very nice! LOL But it would clash with my feathers.
**Passes out the slices of coffee**
I know LRC left, but these will help the rest of us handle this cat math.
*passes arround a plate of home made blondies with chocolate chips* Here’s some sugar and butter to get the brain cells excited.
Make mine a double. On second thought, maybe putting coffee slices in my catulator would be a bad thing. Let’s see then: adds coffee, tries equation posted above OHHIHUMANWHATAREYOUEATING?OMGNOISEINTHEBEDROOMMUSTCHECKITOUTWHATSUNDERTHESINK?GOTTAGOLOOKOUTTHEWINDOWHEYISTHATCATNIP?SHINYTINFOILBALL!MUSTGETSHINYTINFOILBALL!HEYHUMANIAMISREADINGABOOKITHINKIWILLLAYONIT!OHLOOKAFINGER!MUSTBITEFINGER!
Umm…
I think coffee is supposed to supply power to Tacolators only.
My cat(ulator) loves coffee. BLACK coffee. He really likes espresso, so if I fire up the espresso machine as opposed to just making some drip coffee, he comes running, hoping a few drops will fall to the floor.
I discovered his love for coffee when he was a kitten. I’d been grinding some beans and that grinder was a bit temperamental so sometimes the grounds would explode out when you open it. Well, some debris from the explosion landed on the floor. I went to get the broom, I came back, and there was Severus, licking up the grounds from the floor. Now, most kittens are hyper, and Severus was even more so (he’s 4 now and has only just recently calmed down to “normal kitten”), so a minute later, he was flying back and forth through the house at what I could swear was approximately the speed of light, barely managing to stop before he hit a wall whenever he got to each end. Ever since then, I have to be really careful where I put my coffee, since I doubt caffeine is good for cats. Or catulators.
Firefly will drink it if she can find an unguarded cup, but she’s also fond of soda and tea. Pretty much any drink left unattended is fair game to her. She’s also pretty hyper without “enhancement” so you can tell when she’s gotten into where she shouldn’t because she just about breaks the sound barrier running through the house.
I keep my old coffee grounds to use as fertalizer, but I discovered that my dogs will eat them, and coffee does bad things to Penny, pictured above. I’m talking bagles and margerine bad.
Aww, how sweet. Mother and daughter decided to quit exercising at the same time.
That’s family solidarity, right there.
For lack of snark about catmath bicycles… I give you this. Until yesterday I had no idea there were Cama (camel/llamas) and Leopons. There’s also a generous amount of lion/tigers (but those we all knew about).
http://www.hemmy.net/2006/06/19/top-10-hybrid-animals/
P.S. I want a zony.
Yes, but we’ll be really impressed if you can find a real live Ostrimu.
True story: While at the zoo with the kids Friday morning, my son (age 3) pointed to the ostrich and asked, “What bird is that?”
Without hesitation I told him, “An ostrimu.”
I think YSaC ate my brain.
No… it just means that the brainwashing has been successful, and we can move onto the next
victimperson.Did you hear that (insert name of zoo here) just had a new baby zedonk? Looks like a donkey with stripety legs. Must be different than your zonkey. [corey] possibly because the mother and father species were reversed? [corey/]
…um… I’m not entirely sure what to make of that… It just seems kinda weird–OMG LOOK AT THE ZONY SO CUUUUUUUUTE!
That liger reminds me of Jocelyn Wildenstein.
http://www.google.com/images?q=jocelyn%20wildenstein%20wiki&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=653&bih=353
Hey
pseudonymsue do nim, nice link 😉I giggled again.
it is, indeed, quite a massive link
I don’t care if there are two bicycles – I am NOT going back to the comment about peddling my donkey all over town. Will not do it, so don’t ask.
No.
No.
I don’t care what Mom said, the answer is “No!”
No (no) ?
What about a zonkey? (see my link above)
ssfs
I imagine that somewhere out there, probably on a shelf at Walmart, there is an idiot’s guide/Dummies book about clever sales
technictechniques that has a chapter on adding value by offering a volume discount. I’m guessing there was a typo that made it look as if it’s better to increase the price of the items when sold together.Am I thinking too hard about this?
No, but you may be giving our sparkies and sparkiettes too much credit.
I would be surprised if they actually knew how to read–I generally assume that all Craigslist ads are dictated to the OP’s pet crocodile, who types the ad with it’s tail.
I thought it was their pet roosters?
The rooster uses a typewriter to write the original ad, which Sparky then reads to the alligator to post on CraigsList.
The ‘gator probably eats the rooster afterwards.
…and thus is the circle of Craigslife completed.
I feel a catchy Disney-esque song coming on.
:pause:
No, my mistake – it was a hiccup.
But is Sparky sure he has any bikes? Cause if I pay fitty dollars for two bikes and get no bikes, I’ll be out of fitty dollars.
I think I figured it out! It’s $20 for a lady with 10 speeds or $20 for a girl with 10 speeds, it’s $50 for both because they don’t like each other so they have to be blindfolded. That’s what the extra $10 is for, blindfolds. See, it makes perfect sense.*
*This may not be true
Okay, I’m off to shower and get ready for day 2 of TuCon. I’d tell y’all to play nice, but that’s not as much fun.
So, you’re saying that this is actually an ad for hookers disguised as an ad for bikes? And one of those hookers is also underage?
What’s wrong with hookers? Sure crocheters and knitters are the more popular ones, but latch hook is making a comeback. Oh wait, you mean…. (stern mother voice) Go to your room young man and think about what you did!
No! Not to his room! Go outside and mow the lawn! Take a cold shower! 25 earth pushes!
Meh.
[tangent]
I think Rule 34 may be wrong. Because, at this time I
really desperately hopebelieve that it doesn’t apply to YSaC.[/tangent]That is … icky.
I don’t wanna think about that.
Ever.
:goes back to looking at ligers and zonkeys:
Kelli, have you seen/heard of Knifty Knitters? My best friend and I have some. On the webpage that link goes to, you’ll see a tool they call the “ergonomic loom hook tool”. BFF and I decided to call it a hooker, mostly because it was funny to complain about losing our hookers again. So when I first started reading your comment, I wondered how on earth you were in on that joke.
Off topic Saturday morning discussion: I was up way too late last night and ended up re-reading a lot of the old posts. G’damn there were a lot of Coreys and Matts back then (shamefully, myself included). I’m very grateful for you, the current snark team that keeps me coming back, even when my snark is broken.
Christina, we all go through those stages. 8) My thoughts on broken snark is that the snark has a natural Biorhythm that pulses strongly sometimes, then pauses to recharge. So always wait for the next pulse with a smile on your face!
Sometimes the Coreys/Matts are warranted. There’s a few old posts where I blatantly didn’t know what something was referring to — I don’t always get drug references, for example — and sometimes it was completely warranted for someone to go, “Um, they’re looking for weed.”
Other times my snark was a bit too obtuse. I’m thinking specifically of the ad that was trying to sell something like 80 pairs of scissors. My commentary was supposed to be making fun of the almost-OCD-but-not-quite way in which they were arranged in the photo, but the comments ended up degenerating into a discussion of why someone might be selling 80 pairs of scissors. (For the record, I still don’t think a retiring teacher would sell off their school supplies — they’d donate it to the school. But now I’m Coreying a Corey, or Matting a Corey, or something, and I’ll be quiet.)
My snark is never obtuse…*
What?
*Sometimes I don’t even know what I meant
Oh I forgot about the scissors! I really wanted them too. I was thinking about “The starch keeps you up” one with all the coreys saying, “It’s an ironing board.” and all of the sighing you had to do.
Oh, the starch ironing board one! Haha!
I read through the comments there. My favorite thing is the first guy to think Drmk was a camel. It’s funniest when you take our Llama-Nun’s gravatar’s expression into account while reading.
Hmm, I read that one the day it got posted, it was shortly after I started reading the blog. I don’t remember coreys and matts though…
**investigates**
**returns about 15 minutes later**
Oh. My. God. (in my best Janice impression)
There was some snark here and there, but for the most part, just coreys and matts. My “favorite” was the matt-esque person who was just SO MAD that drmk didn’t GET that it was (supposedly) a joke.
That one was a special case — the blog got picked up by Reddit that day, and so there were a whole bunch of people who had never seen the blog before and probably hadn’t even looked at the URL of the link they were following.
I tried to toe the line between being nice and being frustrated in that one. I didn’t always make it.
Meh. If they could not be bothered to read the commentary or were dim enough not to pick up on the sarcasm, they deserve a little llama-frustration. Pity they didn’t get the cameloid spray that usually accompanies this in real life. 😀
Okay, I’ve made it a personal motto to not read the archives, but you made me curious enough to find this post (and the scissors one)…I must say, I like the zany, humorous, snarky tone of the comments now as compared to earlier posts.
I shall leave the archives where they are… with a proper epitaph.. PPPBBBTTT.
And in this episode of Lady 10-speed and 1 Girl…
1 Girl:”Lady 10-speed! We just go a call for the Just Us league Sparky is trying to use cat math against us again.”
Lady 10-speed:”Quickly now one girl, prepare the Cray Super Catulator.”
1 Girl: “But Lady 10-speed, you aren’t planning what I think you are?”
Lady 10-speed:”Yes, yes I am.”
1 Girl:”But we haven’t had our slice of coffee yet this morning.”
Lady 10-speed:”No time 1 Girl, cat math waits for no man…errr girl…nevermind! Go now!”
*We see 1 Girl throwing leavers and pushing buttons, then when nothing happens, sheepishly plugging in the power cord*
1 Girl:”The catulator is charged and ready for input”
Lady 10-speed:”1 Girl, please input 7 cans of sardines, three balls of yarn and one scratching post”
*We see 1 Girl jamming items into the catulator’s hopper, which starts emitting loud purrrrring noises*
Lady 10-speed:”Quickly now 1 girl, enter this formula…20Sparkybucks x 20Sparkybucks”
1 Girl:”The answer is 50Sarkybucks”
Lady 10-speed:”Just as I thought, now divide by zer.”
*Blackness, every so often an empty sardine tin floats by*
[Bridgete&Isaac] Sparkybucks → Sarkybucks? Oh! Have we been confusing currency exchange with cat math this whole time?
Also, leavers…is that the function that causes the catulator to leave in order to hide under the bed? [/Bridgete&Isaac]
Sarkybucks=broken edit button still 🙁
Leavers=British for levers
This is after all a British comedy show…or am I in the wrong place again?
No, I think they parked the Flying Circus out back.
So I bought the lady 10-speed and put it out in the pasture with my boy 10-speed.
I was hoping for some 3-speeds or maybe a tricycle or two, but all I got was a bunch of wire coat hangers and some paper clips.
You need a man 10 speed to pasture with the lady 10 speed…. everyone knows that.
But a man 12 speed works even better.
I don’t know… those last two gears never made any difference that I could tell. I always thought they were just for show.
It ain’t the number of gears, it’s how you shift.
Oh. My. Did I just type that? I’ll send myself to the corner.
Ah, old school cat math! Let’s see. Two bicycles. One lady bicycle, one girl bicycle. Two of the bicycles are all pink. One is mostly pink with white flowers and a basket. All 3 have bells and 2 of the pink ones are purple. One is named Dora and you cannot change the name to Jaws but you could change Jaws to Dora. Rehoming fee is $20 for one or $50 for all bikes listed, which means there are 6 bikes being advertised.
My work here is done.
Ah… but mostly pink is not ‘all pink’, so there is still a chance. If it was all pink there is only one thing you can do…. rifle through the basket for loose change.
“Think it’ll work?”
“Not a chance.”
Well, I bought me bike but she ain’t ready for ridin’
Ol’ warn out tires, she’s missin’ a chain
Compressors are pumpin’
That peddle gears thumpin’
Lady 10-speeds now rollin’ on past just the same
Old spoke wheels, keep on rollin’
Missy little Schwinn, won’t you keep on ridin’ on me
Old spoke wheels, keep on rollin’
Missy little Schwinn, won’t you keep on ridin’ on me
Old spoke wheels, keep on rollin’
Missy little Schwinn, won’t you keep on ridin’ on me
Yeah, keep on shinin’ your head light
Gonna make everything, pretty chrome
Gonna make everything real bright
And she ain’t got no tassels
But that ain’t no hassle at all
Last night Dad was flipping through the channels and landed on Jay Leno as he was discussing weird Craigslist ads. He read one of the missed connections ads, which I immediately recognized and said “I know that guy”. Big mistake as I then tried to explain to my dad that I didn’t actually know the person, but that he was quite well known on Craigslist. I think I confused him further.
There were a few more ads that I recognized.
Fess up. Who here is really Jay Leno?
Jay Leno also stole half of his “headlines” one night from ““There, I fixed it”.
I’ve also caught part of one where he made fun of craiglist ads :/
I wonder why his ratings keep going down. When you can go on the internet, find the same things, and without Jay Leno having to read it to you (and repeat the punchline over and over until it’s not funny anymore)
Wow really? Hey Bridgete, is there a case here? Seriously uncool if Leno isn’t at least name dropping where he gets the material.
Hmm, maybe we can get Conan O’Brien to be the official celebrity spokesperson for YSaC.
Umm…probably?
*sigh* I knew I should have taken intellectual property.
I remember the other ad I recognized. It was the Lionel Ritchie cheesehead.
That one did make Best Of Craigslist eventually, I think.
I’m still waiting for a call from Leno, though. Or Conan O’Brien. Preferably Conan — I was Team Conan through the whole mess. I’m a good interview, AND I’m a redhead. It’s a win-win all around.
And yet the phone won’t ring.
Their loss.
Ok, re-read the ad again just now.
Sprky is a sharp operator.
The bikes are “want $20 a piece or $50 for both” see a bicycle chop shopper.
Not “apiece” but, per-piece–there’s 15-20 pieces per bike, so $50 is pretty reasonable intacked.
What?
Intacked… that’s a sailing term, right?
Cause I had a vision of a bicycle secured against the mainsail just underneath the crows nest. Not sure what it would be used for, but obviously very useful in scouting expeditions.
It would be used as a delightful conversation piece during parlay with attacking pirates.
Anyone else getting this ad?
I also find it funny that Tinypic’s captcha to upload that image was “any bicycle”.
I would so buy that if I could take it on the train (if I commuted by train these days). I think the other bike commuters would shoot me, though.
I’m just glad to see another Pratchett/Cragislist crossover fan post 🙂
And today on HamCan’s poetry corner. (I’m rather pleased with this one)
Ode on a Girly Bike
THOU still untread’d tire of baldness,
Thou 10-speed of conveyance and low miles,
Schwinn historian, who canst thus express
A Tour de tale more sweaty than last:
What spandex-clad legend haunts about thy race
Of deities or mortals, or Lance,
In Tempe or the dales of France?
What spam or ads are these? What? Girl bikes both?
What mad cat math? What struggle to sum?
What obos and Matts? What wild Corey?
Doors and elebenty bazillion doors (can you find the key?) as you descend down the rabbit hole of prose/poetry.
HA! I’m the hundredth comment.
Is that anything like Halley’s Comment?
That’s one achievement off your “bucket list”. 🙂
Enter Sparkie
Sparkie: Agin’ my will I am sent to bid you Finish selling the Bikes!
Sparky: Fair Sparkie, I thank you for your pains.
Sparkie: I took no more pains for those thanks than you take in math to sell
yon bikes: if it had been painful, I would not have come.
Sparky: You take pleasure then in the message?
Sparkie: Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife’s point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signior: fare you well.
exeunt Sparkie
Sparky:
Ha! ‘Agin my will I am sent to bid you sell bikes to dinner;’
there’s a double meaning in that ‘I took no more pains for those thanks than
you took pains to catulate.’ that’s as much as to say, Any pains
that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do not take pity of her,
I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.
[pounds Enter key, forgetting to add photos; head hurting from wondering about all the signs reading “vidi nothos vendare hic”; departs to sup on vintage cereals in the winter bagel]
Oops, sorry for the above, just somehow much ado about nothing at all seemed apt.
T’was that play (specifically the one with Lea Thompson and the very talented fellow that I will always think of as “chicken lips”) that made me realize just how much easier it was to understand Shakespeare performed as opposed to read.
Which is odd considering that I’d both seen and read “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, “Romeo and Juliet” and “The Taming of the Shrew” previously.
The man knew his snark.
One hopes you do not mean Denzel, nor the possibly to-well cast as nothus, Keanu.
Brian Blessed and Richard Briers gave nicely nuanced performances.
But, I’ll wager you mean the Director and Screenwriter, Ken Branagh.
WooHoo, IMDB offeres up a fun bit of trivia, this was Kate Beckinsale’s first movie, shot over her summer break from New College, Oxford (Russian; French).
Lo, how clever the old coot be ere the internet be hard aby?
Hark wherefor art our dear Windrose, ere the moon climbs its Zenith?
Hath she been bewitched by taco’s 23# chinook?
Ere we dare the day ending; or the death of night in the Dawn,
Let us close-ed be, whether to bed and sleep, or some gainful employ.
Be still, O Wise Dogberry, for you are too clever with your tales of bikes in pairs or piecemeal, your logic too astute for us to comprehend.
And thus, bid you all, faire and adieu, dear Medina, good night!
Wow, Capn. I wish you lived closer, you would have been a hit at the dominoes party tonight! Sorry I missed the last curtain call!
MandaB, better late than never! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Koshien Hanshin Park!