YSaC, Vol. 735: Warch it!
craftsman oil fider warch – $5
in very god sape asking 5.00 call xxx-xxx-xxxx
When you ask Uncle Google what he thinks “Craftsman oil fider warch” is, he comes back with “Showing results for Craftsman oil finder watch”. Except that there are no results for Craftsman oil finder watch either (which makes you wonder why Uncle Google bothered to search for it).
Anyway, when you search for “Craftsman oil finder watch”, the first hit is “Craftsman oil filter wrench”, so I thought to myself, “Self, that is very likely what this blurry blue thing is.” So I looked … and no, that’s not what the blurry blue thing is.
Whatever it is, it’s clearly part of an instrument from Borneo that is a deeply meaningful religious artifact of some kind. Huh. And here I just though Craftsman made secular warches.
Thanks, Charles!
[Edited to add: Okay, maybe it IS what the blurry blue thing is … but the pictures I found looked like this and this, and you can see where I would think that those two things are not what the blurry blue thing is.]
I think I’ve taken this test before.
* squints at pictures*
I see a herd of beautiful ponies roaming free across the plains.
And an elephant on a tricycle.
That leads me to diagnose you as suffering from Multiple Cat Disorder and Delusions of Felinity.
Hey, “felinity” is my word!
That’s 25¢ and right now!
Only if you can prove it!
Invoices don’t lie {G}
Says you.
Hey, first invoice usually “wins” {g}
I see a sailboat.
Dammit, why can’t I ever see the sailboat?!?
Could be worse… you could see dead people.
I see stoopid people…does that count?
I see dead people! But I think they’re zomb-
Well, I’ve got a neural-vision “thing” which means my dominant eye changes bases on what things wander into my peripheral vision, so there could be pr0n in the “magic eye” pictures, and I’d never see it.
Clearly, it’s a work of surrealist art, and the white things represents the ocean, and the fan blade-looking things are BP. Of course, Sparky was so impressed that he things it is possibly either Sapient or God.
But what represents man’s inhumanity to man? Something always represents man’s inhumanity to man.
I’m guessing it’s the spelling in the post. That’s pretty inhumane.
Man’s inhumanity to man in this work is represented by the repetitious nature of the piece. The first image, as Astro proposed, represents the destruction of our oceans by the oil drillers. The second image represents man’s destruction of natural resources the world over. The third image represents man’s inhumanity to man because the artist is abusing the viewer by pounding the point home.
Or it’s just a glitch.
I thought the third one represented man’s inhumanity to chicken.
It’s man’s inhumanity to things that taste like chicken.
$5 is a pretty good price for something “in very god sape” – it’s clearly divine!
In God we sape.
All others must pay in catnip. Or sape
Bwahahaha, in very goo shape shape comes out as ruikei yohodo hedoro in nihongo, which is probably better than yohado kami-waza
I’m very sorry to hear that that happened to your cat, Cap’n.
Gomen nasai, yukai neko-kami wagu des.
Pas, ma chat-déité est très bien.
Entschulegen Sie, mein Katzegotte sehr gut sein.
Now, if one’s goo-kami is happy (or happi) it makes for some wicked, if obscure Japanese puns. Even better for a sape being a lute from Borneo.
Also, I feel like this is one of those “spot the differences between the pictures” puzzles.
You can see from the pictures that the warch is slowly dragging itself to the right. By the third picture it’s almost dragged itself halfway out of the shot.
Go little guy, GO! Run free in the wild!
I’m not sure we want that reaching the wild, the blurriness might infect the rest of the world. Can you imagine?
It’s like some kind of blurriness zomb-
OH, I SEE IT!
It’s a lion, right?
Ooh – Sesame Street! “One of these things is not like the others”.
[Oscar/Matt/Grampdaddy] “Get away from my trash can you rotten kids!” (shakes cane) [End Oscar/Matt/Grampdaddy]
One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things just isn’t god sape.
“All of these things are exactly like the others. None of these things is an oil fider warch”
I don’t know why the rest of you can’t see this, but it’s obviously a close up of the mask for a black Spider-Man with a small, blue cheese knife/cleaver stuck to the left eye.
*shakes head at the obtusity of some people*
*stares closely at the pictures* Venom? Is that you?
$5 for that? You must be mad! Why, I’d be stealing food from the mouths of my own babies if I sold that for $5. $4.50, and that’s my final offer!
Ahh this brings me back to Genesis 1:26-1:28
Then God said, “Let us make the oil fider warch in our image, in our likeness, and let it rule over the tool isle of Sears and the tools section of Craigslist, let pictures of it not be taken lest they turn blurry.
And so God created the oil fider warch in his own image. In the image of God he created it; a thing to fider his warch if he created it.
Then God blessed it and said, “What on Earth are you even good for? Man, I must have been smoking something really good to decide that making this was a good idea. Jeez, what else did I do last night?” And thus God found the orange traffic cone he had created and then stolen the night before, and knew his night was fruitful.
Amen, bees be upon you.
And Lo, the fallen Angel Snap-on did see the oil fider warch, and did laugh at the folly of God on (a) high. “I shall cause there to be trucks full of very expensive warches, but not of the same durability, and Man shall be tempted by the logo and the service. Yea, my name shall replace Thy logo at Sears, and in many nations. Pass that roach, will you, boss?”
Taco – it’s closer to 9:45 am here – did you really send that at 1:28?
I’m on a boat in the Western portion of the Pacific Ocean! Do you wanna fight about it?!
*Reaches for his god sape*
oooooh, this should be good. Anyone want odds on this?
:::grabs popcorn and pulls up an empty box:::
My money’s on Gramps, old people fight dirty.
Taco’s on a boat!?
I hope he remembered his flippy floppies!
My money’s on Gramps — he’s got the cane and can deal with that young whippersnapper Taco.
I’m betting on Gramps too, unless Taco cheats and pulls out his massive link to distract the poor old fellow.
You guys are betting against the guy that can ASSPLODE at any moment??
You fools!
Don’t forget the TacoThong. I believe it’s considered a WMD – a Weapon with Massive Distortion.
I’d put my money on Grampdaddy, and not just because I have to or he’ll disown me. He’s a threat with that cane. And just because he doesn’t advertise it doesn’t mean he doesn’t grampsplode. Watch out, he may have had shredded wheat and prunes for breakfast.
I saw the best shirt the other day. It was a tank top that a woman was wearing, and across the front it read “Weapons of Mass Distraction”
The t-shirt reads:
“There is no combination of youth, agility, and speed that cannot be overcome by age, experience, and deceit.”
We’ll do this the old Navy way. The first one to die, loses.
Oh, and age and treachery always overcome youth and skill.
Hmm, TM – Your threat of violence seems to be an over-reaction – You feeling a little testes today? Just let go and relax, it’ll be OK.
To paraphrase Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along, or do I need to get out my scissors and trim your thong.”
Or maybe, Gary Cooper in “High Noon” – “Taco, this massive link ain’t big enough for the both of us. There’s a sailboat leavin’ at noon, and you and your link had better be on it.”
Or, “La Cage aux Folles” — Uh, never mind….
many, many doors, too many to list, for all above, but especially TM
bees be upon you TM
Oh for god sape!
I think it’s actually worth the $5 to just buy the stupid thing and find out what the hell it is. Then I can buy 2 more for and sell them for $5 each, or all 3 for $20. Any takers?
I’m still waiting for those stools you owe me. And remember, I get them for $100 and not a penny less!
They’re on their way. I can’t sell you those accounting books, however. Apparently I need to repeat some courses for some strange reason.
And just to get this out of the way before a REAL corey shows up:
[tool corey][matt]That is indeed an oil filter wrench, I can’t believe any of you didn’t recognize it. Haven’t any of you ever worked on a car before? Jeez! How insensitive of you all to make fun of this poor guy. And in New Mexico “Oil Fider Warch” is slang and there is a proclivity of religious artifacts being used in mechanics’ shops. I’m so disappointed in all of you.[/matt][/corey]
*goes off to hide in shame in an air conditioned office under a desk*
I used to feel shame. Then it got a restraining order and now I can only look at shame from 200 feet away.
Thank you Kelli
*goes to find cloth to wipe keyboard*
now I just need another coffee to replace that one.
Perhaps you should switch to a sippy cup dev.
might help, after all today I’d even remember to put my drink down before reading. The problem occurred when I laughed so much I dropped the biscuit I was holding into the coffee.
“Biscuit” as in cookie and not the other kind, right?
correct, a rather nice chocolate one that resulted in a soggy mess before I could retrieve it.
needless to say I was heartbroken
Dev has chocolate biscuits?! But I want chocolate biscuits! Next you’ll be telling me she has Jammy Dodgers!
For some reason I can’t stop shouting! Halp!
you only had to ask TM.
*hands over a half pack of chocolate hobnobs^
now pass them around, ok?
[Canada corey]
We plan trips into Canada so that we can get our hands on loads of European (British primarily) foods not otherwise available for reasonable prices in the states. Sight seeing is on the agenda too, but we always plan at least 2 hours at the Big Green Store.
I have an unhealthy obsession with Kinder Eggs, and my wife has the same obsession with Kinder Bueno.
[/corey]
oooh, I love Bueno. Damn you TM, I’m going to have to go shopping tomorrow now.
Kinder Bueno… is that some strange combo project from both Germany and [Insert Spanish-speaking Nation here] made of Babbys and served in Babby Food Jars?
Again I feel shame.
Me too, but only for two minutes.
Love,
Ogie Ogelthorpe
continuing tangent: the Prince Charming guy I dated got an orange kitten very much like the one in your pic. I told him to name it Ogelthorpe. He stopped right in his tracks, looks at me, and says, “You are the most amazing woman EVER.”
I am the MASTER of making guys fall in love with me. Now if I can just remember not to turn on the crazy after that, I might stop scaring them away.
Like whimsical “mad scientist” crazy or more of a “The Fan” crazy?
Like “Hulk SMASH” rage crazy.
Eep!
*Ducks*
Ducks! Where???
Yep, it’s not pretty. And it is about as close as you can picture to a “modestly hot girl” morphing into a thing of true terror. And yet I’m somehow usually able to argue my side effectively. Or maybe the guy folks have just been REALLY patient with me (ps. they have been)
Thought I hate it when people give themselves their own labels (ie: “I’m badass” “I’m different than other girls”) I do have to say…complex doesn’t begin to cover it.
Sounds like a textbook case of The Sneaky Hate Spiral.
And yes – labels for me automatically induce a -3 CHA, -2 WIS penalty when evaluating a potential party member.
[tag corey]Isn’t “hey that’s a commonly used expression” a [witt.nestor] tag?
I was thinking a [matt] tag is “Hey, witt is right, you insensitive snarkers! Bow and ask forgiveness”
But, I could be wrong.
[/corey]
I always assumed the [matt] tag was more a “rawr rawr, you all suck you insensitive jerks!. You should all be ashamed! rawr rawr”
Ok, sounds a ‘rule’ we can misapply at will, then {G}
[Matt] I’m sorry, but I just have to vent my frustration with some people who think they know what they are talking about when they really have no idea at all! [end Matt] (Wow, that was really freeing! where were we now?)
Oh, yeah – LRC – I believe you may be mistaken about the “spider-man mask” – it is a completely understandable confusion, based on the clarity and detail of the images. However, what this really is, is one of those things. You know, one of those things that you use when you want to put things together or take them apart or hold them up on the wall – that type of thing. You can climb on them, too. Or maybe you want to break something else into little pieces – Yeah, it’s one of those, probably. Or maybe not….
You can trust me on this – I was a mechanic for a long time…. I know all about this stuff. Or maybe not…
Oh, and Taco’s rage is completely misplaced – especially since he posted it while I was typing.
Ooooohhhhh, one of THOSE things!
YES! Would you like to see it up close?
They’re never as good as the spokespeople claim. And they should really put “actual size” on those 4 inch pictures.
[matt?]I’m disappointed in your disappointment in me.[/matt?]
Me, too. I’m disappointed that I’m disappointed that you’re disappointed in my disappointment in the obvious level of disappointment that we all share within our disappointment. It is clearly an existentialist metaphor for (phor?) the expression “When the chicken gets tough, the tough fider warch”.
Where the heck is Capn when we really need him!?
I think you did an admirable job obfuscating the issue, Gramps. Cap’n will be proud.
One of those things? You mean a watch-amacallit?
No, no, no – not a watch-amacallit* More of a do-hickey with benefits.
*I noticed you used the archaic spelling of this – you get extra points! The preferred spelling now, however, is warch-afideritcall.
Wow! Benefits and extra points? It’s clearly my lucky day!
When I was single, I would do hickeys. Now, it’s just too much work.
What?
Gramp, can you slice with it? Dice with it? I need one of those things…do you understand me? I NEED one of those things.
It will also puree and blend. You need to warch it when you make margaritas, though.
I heard it gets stains out on the first wash! And you can use it to regrout your tub!
I used mine to plug a hole in the dike. It saved the Netherlands!
I didn’t they were into that kind of thing, TM.
*snort*
dike=dyke
Or did you do that on purpose my little masa ball? I honestly have no idea anymore. Well, today I am having a problem deciphering.
Thank you, Meredith!
We are talking about a thread started by Gramps.
Any dirty pun I can make in a storm…
*sigh*
The lines get crossed earlier and earlier I see…..pretty soon I’ll have to replace my coffee with bourbon.
Carry on….
you mean you haven’t already mudsy?
I’m thinking of switching to brandy myself though, not a great bourbon fan
I think “someone” switched out my bourbon for this Everclear stuff. I think it’s some sort of Kool-Aid.
But will it make thousands of julienne fries and then fold and fit under a bed?
We’ve secretly replaced Mudsy’s coffee with Everclear. Let’s see if *she notices! And if not, someone schedule an intervention.
*It IS “she” right?
It is, yes.
The meatball says ‘no’.
Hey, that’s a magic meatball for you.
Magic meatball is from a kid’s meal. Don’t look at me like that.. I just advised what it said.
Pope! Neever notriced hat awl. I need more half ‘n half.
Robert De Niro’s waiting, speaking Italian (or something).
Hey, you’re back. Where ya’ been?
Shouldn’t it be “your back”?
Hey there! Just didn’t have any comments to share on the last few posts. Gotta wait till the spirit (or goddess) moves me.
And what’s wrong with my back?
Good to ‘see’ you, Innana. And there is nothing wrong with your back, I’m sure.
Nothing? Nothing? Not even a teensy-weensy bit of snark on that pork bbq post 2 days ago?
*aghast*
I think when you have Innana’s *ahem* shoulder knees, you want to avoid the word “Pork” as much as possible.
You do know you’re drooling over David’s knees on that avatar don’t you TM?
I’m going to have to have a talk with Gramps and implore him to tell you a bedtime story tonight—from his top (bunk).
The pork thing is somehow pitchforked into my brain and is not moving, but I was too busy calming my churning stomach to comment.
Gramps! Are you gonna tell me the story about rabbits again?!
You don’t wanna know about the rabbits, TM.
I’m going to have to have a talk with Gramps and implore him to tell you a bedtime story tonight—from his top (bunk).
Mudsy – can I tell him the story about the big princess who could (and did, and did, and did)?
Taco – no story about rabbits tonight, that’s Mudsy’s story and I just wouldn’t feel right telling her story. I’d hate to incur her wrath.
“Dad? DAD? GOD?!”
“Yes, Jeebus, what is it?”
“I’ve been calling you and calling you, why didn’t you answer me?”
“Sorry, son, I was on the phone with your mother. She wants to invite the in-laws over on Sunday. I told her I was rather busy on Sundays, but you know your mother…”
“Yeah, whatever Dad, I need to fashion a new chalice. Apparently, I left mine on the table during the last supper and that Judas took it…d*mned traitor…Anyway, I need my oil fider warch, have you seen it”
:God looks down and shuffles His feet:
“Oh..heh..heh…about that…”
“What? Where is it? Tell me you didn’t loan it out to someone, again, did you?”
“Yes, son, I did..and I’m very sorry.”
“Who has it Dad?”
“Beelzebub. He said he needed it…something about an eternal sea of oil or something, you know how cryptic he can be…”
“Oh my You! He never returns things…first it was the souls, and now my tools…great Dad! Thanks a lot!”
:Jeebus storms off in disgust:
Yep, I’m going to hell for sure now…..
I seriously doubt THAT would be the final straw, CJ. Especially since I’ve heard jokes just as “bad” in church. Or maybe those pastors are going down, too. Hmmmmm….something to think about.
…” maybe those pastors are going down…”
What church are you going to and where can I sign up?
Only if their spouses are lucky.
*That may have crossed a line
My mind went there too.
bwahahhahahaaaaaa
Not if they agreed with one of my old professors, they aren’t. He was kind of a nut.
(cue more snark)
you may have Kelli, but only because you got there before me.
Ya know, I think it may be necessary to stalk you Kelli – I love your mind!
And people wonder what purpose The Crusades served….
Hey, where’s Lola? I haven’t had my daily dose of lovely, classily displayed ladybits today. I was in a real hurry this morning and couldn’t stare in the mirror for the full 30 minutes like I usually do.
(too far?)
Just far enough. ; )
Lola and Innana are comparing… umm… reflections. I think they may be over in the women’s lounge adjoining the snark cafe.
I’ve got my camera!
Yes, Lola is lending me her lipstick, and she’s trying on my wings for size.
Oh the French Prodincol Vanity!
[devil’s advocate corey] Actually, if you look closely, I think you can see that black loop to the right of the silver *thingy* so it probably is an oil fider warch. [/devil’s advocate corey]
I just think Sparky got the brand name wrong (how he spelled Craftsman correctly I have no idea–but this seems to happen a lot in Sparkyville).
This looks more like a Seers Crapsman—big difference!
I concorey with that assessment. The loop part of it slips around the oil fider, and when you turn the warch, it grips the oil fider and hopefully helps you loosen it. Then you get hot oil all over your beer box cowboy hat unless you were careful enough to place an old newspaper (make an offer!) over your head.
Somebody’s been doing their homework.
*Whacks D with a door*
*throws in another door*
The make-an-offer-old-newspaper meme!
Awesome…!
Oh so many doors!
(Maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention as a child, but when Grampdaddy used to change the oil I would swear it also involved removing the skin from several knuckles and then an ensuing
torrent of profanityvocabulary lesson.)Yeah, but I never found those words when I went to look them up. Still don’t know what some of them mean.
I learned just about every Bad Word I know from my Mom, most during the incident when the ladder slipped and she almost fell out of the attic access panel in our old house.
Shortly after that I learned that if you teach the Bad Words you just learned to someone in your kindergarten class, you get a very long time-out and your parents get a note from the teacher, resulting in you learning more Bad Words.
I learned that if you smash your middle finger in the window at school and are sucking on it to make it feel better, own up to the accident.
Otherwise, when the resident tattle tale tells the teacher you had your middle finger up and the teacher asks you why; being embarrassed and saying “I don’t know” only results in a smashed finger and a week without recess with no explanation of what you did wrong, rather than a smashed finger and a trip to the nurses office. It’ll be another 2 years before you figure out why you got in trouble.
Similarly, pointing at things with your middle finger results in a similar situation, only without the smashed finger.
I learned that one differently, thanks to a set of nail decals and my eagerness to show one particular image to a classmate. It was a cupcake and I can still remember being puzzled that I would get in trouble for showing someone a picture of a cupcake.
I also learned that if an adult mimics a child he’s being childish and immature, possibly funny or cute; but if a child mimics an adult he’s got a social disability and needs to be held back a year. AND if a child doesn’t like coloring, he’s obviously stupid, as opposed to inartistic.
*Grumbles to himself*
I learned all about “tall man*” on the bus in first grade from a fifth grader.
I learned my first bad word while watching Planet of the Apes (with Charlton Heston) at age 6, and proceeded to immediately get into trouble for repeating a certain famous quote while playing with my Legos.
*Tall Man=Middle Finger
As a kid, I liked to make a dinosaur with my hand, middle finger being the neck and head…until someone tattled on me. I wasn’t really in trouble, since my immediate response was, “But it’s a dinosaur!” but I stopped after that anyway.
I was precocious. When 4 years old, I and told I woke my parents one day with a cheery, “Good morning, f*kers.” And my dad said, “Well, yes, but let me explain what it actually means and also why you shouldn’t use it.”
My husband grew up using his middle finger to point at things since that gesture was not considered rude in his youth where he grew up. I’m sorta trying to break him of the habit simply so he doesn’t inadvertently get himself into trouble with someone looking for a fight.
*Points at Moira’s first sentence*
Uh-oh, Imma tell Bridgete on you!
*scolding tone* Moira…you know that’s Taco’s territory.
I didn’t do it, I swear!
Manda – I did my best to teach you everything you know – not my fault if you didn’t take notes.
So long, and thanks for all the doors!
*stumbles in* Got up at 9:30 today. I’m trying to readjust so I can fall asleep before 2 the night before the exam. Hold on, before I can snark, I need to make some coff……….NOOOOOOOOO!
*runs off, grabbing car keys and money on the way*
God
SapeSpeed!**5 mph over the speed limit.
I think it might have been 10 over at times. Meh, it’s Boston.
In the Midwest it’s either 15 over or 7 under. There exists no speed between those (apparently).
Boston seems to be “whatever you feel like”. It ranges from about 5 under to 20 over. I think any slower than 5 under and you risk injury. Or at least a severe tongue lashing.
I’ve found the same thing, Taco. And I think the cosmos knows when you’re late for a [insert thing], and invokes the “7 under” rule.
The only time “15 over” happens is when you’re trying not to be on time to a date you want to go poorly.
[driving way-too-fast for neurons to actually work corey] Atlanta has it’s very own Autobahn; it’s called “the perimeter” and is kinda like “the Beltway” around D.C. only everyone, and I mean everyone drives no less than just under sub-light speed. The local LEO’s (law enforcement officers, not the Not.A.Lion.’s) ticket people if they are only driving ,say, sound speed. “Nope. You’re doing it wrong. Heres a citation carrying a hefty fine for obstructing traffic. Now, speed it up, buddy!”[/driving way-too-fast for neurons to actually work corey].
LEO = I.Smell.Bacon
Mmmm… lion bacon…
If it’s striped does that mean it’s Not. A. Lion. bacon?
We secretly replaced Bridgete’s coffee with…nothing! Let’s see if she notices.
It’s the infamous NeverCoffee!
I can smell the rich, empty goodness now.
It goes perfectly with wind sauce and air pudding!
Don’t forget to add the voidcream.
….and vacuum-packed sugar.
*Highfives Mudsy*
I actually had “vacuum sugar” typed into my previous post but deleted it because it didn’t seem quite right.
Don’t you mean “didn’t seem quit right”..?
What you did. It’s there, and I see it.
Oh my friend…it was never, never, never meant to be obtuse!
Mwaaaahaaaaaa
Can I borrow some dehydrated water from someone? I’m all out and I want to make another pot of NeverCoffee.
Talk to Gramps. I’m sure he has some atoms to spare after he’s made his morning water.
Dehydrated water? What do you do…just add water?
…“made his morning water“…
Err…That has another meaning, and… No. Just no.
Mudsy – I’m not sure, I bought mine on eBay but when I opened the package the container was empty. Must have had a hole in it somewhere.
Okay Sybil….just hold that water thought….
I pre-fill all the cups in my house with dehydrated water. That way when I want a drink I just have to add water.
Do you put freeze-dried ice in them as well?
Used to work with some real, well, wits (due apologies to all wits out there).
One morning, they distracted me after I had gotten my cup of coffee. They swapped my full cup for a matching cup, and the empty pot for the full one in the maker. Did not faze my morning-hazed brain, just made another pot of coffee and waited on it to brew.
Which confused the conspirators, since there was a near-full pot of coffee in the cupboard, which was found by one of the sugar users in the office.
I was ok, by that point I had two cups of coffee. Huzzah!
/Tangent/: Anyone use the message boards anymore? I have an ideaR (that of course came to me while I was dozing off last night, as usual) and wasn’t sure anyone would see it there./tangent/
Dere r message boreds??
Yepper doodle! Up there where it says “forums”.
Llama Nun added them after we went on a particularly long tangent series one day. I was getting on every day for a while, but so many people are Facebook friends now, I wasn’t sure anyone still visited. I admit I haven’t in a few months.
I look in sometimes. I commented on threads then no one commented after me and I was afraid I had committed thread-icide. But then I left them alone for a bit and they seem to be recovering slowly.
I still peek into the Forums regularly.
As do I.
I check them once a day, but they’re pretty quite.
Quite what?
Blast!
You win this round Bridgete, but soon I shall rool the wurld!
Do you mean quiet, Taco?
I did, yes.
[tangent] There were several signs on the second floor study area in the law school that asked people to keep it “quite”. I may have edited a few of them. [/tangent]
I keep thinking I should do as Lynne Truss suggests and bring a sharpie, white out, and some paper and tape everywhere with me to correct signage. But then I wonder how the hell I’m going to get up on buildings to correct “Supercut’s” and decide that if I can’t get that one, I should just let all the others go… sorta like fish.
Moira, Supercut is Superman’s distant cousin who does indeed own a chain of salons.
I work in the salon industry, trust me, I’ve many grammar gaffs. And a lot of s/z and c/k replacements, it’s x-treem.
In college when I was experimenting I dated Supercut’s younger brother Cutman.
Moira, Supercut is Superman’s distant cousin who does indeed own a chain of salons.
Gee, you learn something new every day. I thought Supercuts was Superman’s Jewish cousin, and ran a string of Bris Salons. Love their motto – “Just a little off the top”.
No, no no!
Supercuts are what you do to crack blocks before you sell them.
Ditto, except I’d like to replace “quite” with “quiet.” We can’t all be cute enough to get away with the typos with which Taco gets away.
When I got my degree in engineering I received a certification for typos that gives me leeway. I even got a card, see:
*Flashes his ‘Jam of the Month Club’ card.*
Taco has typos. Does that mean I have grammer’os?
I’ve heard their not as good as typos, but store brand never is.
Whoa, it’s too early in the day for flashing. Wait ’til everyone’s had a few drinks first.
And what’s to say we haven’t already? It IS eleven am here, after all.
Meredith –
True, but so far I’ve only seen mention of coffee. Once Lola brings out her flask, though, we’re ready to party.
[grammar tangent] I’ve taken pen to signs at work. I’ve corrected employee’s to employees, raffel to raffle, you’re to your, and many more, too many to list. [/grammar tangent]
I’ve had to correct “your” to “you’re.” And one time did it wrong.
But I noticed my mistake right away and fixed it correctly.
Coffee, yes, coffee. That’s all it is….delicious coffee. No mention of what’s IN the coffee, though. It’s all about proper omission, that’s all.
There are several people who work at my company, in management positions, who do not know the correct forms of your vs you’re and there vs their. It makes me cringe. Every. Single. Fraking. Time.
I’ve spent too much time in the internets to know what’s real and what isn’t anymore. Also, what is proper grammar and what isn’t. And I want to be a writer, for goodness sakes!
You guys all missed Astro’s speeling blunder on the four-oh-oh+ comment day. It was huge (sorta related to the stool topic). He said something about t-shirts but left out the letter “r”. I thought he was a goner. *ahem* Never mind what I just said. “No! NO! Astro! Not the zer
I’ve been known to wear T-shits when it gets warm out.
I wea T-shits when it gets wam out.
*This is official Missing “R” Thusday
Ast
ro’s just ahead of the curve today*double-checks Astro’s comment*
[meme corey] Since he referred to shirts twice (“shirts, t-shits, mugs, etc.”) I assumed he was intentionally referring to when Taco actually DID accidentally write t-shit, which is here: http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=4807#comment-47390 [/corey]
I thought it was one of those grammar things, i.e;
I have a shirt.
We all have shits.
It’s sad that I keep creating meme’s with my poor proofreading skills.
Memes… like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memes
Of the way Taco
werewas..I blame Mer for the missing Rs… after all, she made off with one and pasted it on idea above.
Heard a wittier CEO mutter the other day that he remembered when “proper grammar meant she’d always been married to gramper.”
Bridgete: You are correct. What I dropped was not an “r” but a “[sic]”.
I’ve poked my head in once in a while. I replied to some things when I first ventured in there, but other than that, they are rather
quitequiet.Quiet what?
Well, I’ve started a forum topic devoted to keeping up the inane banter. Everyone should check in there when they have nothing better to do.
And Meredith, go ahead and post
you’reyour idea. I’ll see it, and it sounds like others will as well.Can we also keep up Innana banter? I’d like that, yes I would.
Innanna of what?
Oh, that would be a better place to hang out on the mornings we get here, AR, and have only ourselves to chat with! 8)
This is obviously the updated version of the Rorschach Ink Blot test. I’m collecting everyone’s comments so that I can turn this into my PhD (Pile it Higher and Deeper) dissertation. The title of it will be “The Online Interactive YSaC ID10T Test Results”. (I think I need a snappier title. You know an attention grabber.) I’ll be sure to mention your name in the
opening creditsreferences.How about:
Look Out! ZOMBI
I think I may have been reading CL ads for too long. I saw “oil fider warch” and immediately translated it to “oil filter wrench.” I am somehow picking up Sparkese?
Go see a doctor immediately! That stuff is contagious and if it hits your appendages… well, there is just no hope. Hurry, run don’t walk.
ewww
Ahh, what a happy happy avatar
Can I interest anyone in [ERROR: MALE ENHANCEMENT PRODUCT NOT FOUND] for 50% off?
Today only!
Is that the one the famous celebrity is endorsing? You know the one, his name is [ERROR: CELEBRITY STATUS VOID AT CHOICE TO ENDORSE MALE ENHANCEMENT PRODUCT. CELEBRITY STATUS NOT FOUND]???
No, no, I think it’s [ERROR: LIST “CELEBIRTY” INVALID]. He was in [MOVIE:{JAWS|TITANIC|CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THE MOVIE|H2G2}] with Celebrity Woman.
Oh — is it all about Tweety ….. oh
100 comments in an hour and a half. Busy day today.
We get more comments by 8am PST than most Cheezeburgers do all day.
What?
I’m very proud of the ball rolling I help with.
:::wipes away single tear:::
I just….it’s just feels so good to make a difference, you know????
And the award for most drama in a comment goes to…
Meredith! Well done, we’re all so proud of you.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
::::Beauty Queen face wave::::
I’m SO honored!!! There are SO many other commentors that deserve this award, and I am SO honored to even be nominated. I NEVER thought I’d win!
This is for all the dramatic weirdos who never thought they would be honored for their comments on an internet comedy blog! THANK YOU!!!
Meredith has the best drama of all time! Of all time!!
You forgot to thank all of your loyal fans. What? She wouldn’t call us weird…..
I’m still waiting to be paid for my vote.
I hope this isn’t another scam.
Limey, just leave me a note with your checking account number on it. Or you can leave me your credit card information, and I will make sure to make a payment for you next month.
what? sounds legit to me.
Meredith, I would be glad to leave that information with you…. but somehow I’ve misplaced my deposit slip.
I put an ad in the Lost and Found a week ago, but so far the only people responding are wanting to sell me ID and credit protection services. I can’t imagine why they think I need that??
No joke, when I posted my comment earlier there were five comments, then 45 minutes later there’s 130. How am I supposed to keep up when the boss thinks I need to do actual work while I’m here?
Now there’s 204….
Go figure…
I know, I looked away for a few minutes to read something
slightly smuttyreally interesting over at Teaspoon and when I got back it was over 230!Adores are operating on CatMath today.
isn’t that usually the case? I thought that was the only math allowed in here?
Welcome to my world, where I usually am totally unable to access the site from work, so I get home and have to read the 396 new comments since I left at zero-dark-thirty in the morning. Sheesh.
But… it is an oil filter wrench. May not be a Craftsman, but that’s what it is.
There’s our corey. I even tried to prevent it too. Curses!
Note the confused tone at the massive snark filling the comments.
Massive snark? Is that like a massive link?
I think Massive Snark is a type of fish in the North Pacific.
Hey, it IS an oil filter wrench… just not a Craftsman.
Evan is minty-shell-corey-correct!*
*because I said so
[Freud corey] Image interpretation results (being subjective) offer clues as to the test subject’s occupation, environment, residence, mental capacity, recreational substance use (or abuse) and so forth. If Mr. Sparketh believes he sees a “craftsman oil fider warch”, it may very well be a set of three white bar stools for the low, low price of one hundred dollars. [/Freud corey]
Aren’t there 5 lights?
We know, Evan. But Sparky up there seems to think it is something else entirely.
Is god sape the kind you serve heated or chilled?
It’s served sauteed in butter with a dry white wine sauce and your choice of steamed vegetables.
I vote green beans
Italian green beans. They’re fancier.
Especially char-grilled then drizzled with some olive oil* and sesame seeds.
_______________
*A person may use “EVOO” is their inner (or outer) Ray requires it of them.
Evan, good on you! You may have gone all corey on us, but you did it with a shy start, and trace of insecurity. Very nice!
I kept reading snape and thought it was the wand of He Who Cannot Be Named – VullofMerde
**A loud pop is heard as the Dark Lord apparates into the Snark Lounge**
Avada Kedavra!
**The room flashes green, and the Dark Lord laughs.**
Muhahahahahahaha!
**A loud pop is heard as the Dark Lord disapparates**
I don’t remember Palpatine ever being able to materialize and dematerialize at will. And if he was able to, he sure picked a bad time to forget how to do it when his apprentice was tossing him into the Deathstar’s core.
We don’t have a loud pop, only a loud grampop, here on YSAC.
WHAT?? SPEAK UP!! YOU KNOW IT DRIVES ME CRAZY WHEN YOU WHISPER.
*stomps off muttering, “Why don’t they make these avatars bigger so I can see her wing attachment?”
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT TACO FELLA MAKES A LOUD POP ON OCCASION…
One thing to learn from Vullofmerde:
If you’ve got near limitless dark magic potential, attune yourself with people referencing you rather than your specific name. It makes it way more difficult for people escape your all encompassing vision if you don’t restrict yourself with silly conditionals.
Evil Taco:
“Hehe, they’re calling me He-Who-Cannot-be-Named again. It’s cute that they think I don’t know that they’re referring to me.” *Fireballs rain down*
If I had near-omnipotent evil powers, I would change my name to something simple and anonymous like “Steve” or “Bob”. None of this “I am the Great Lord Y’Quet-Zalli, Master of Time, Space, and Dryer Lint!” business.
You very rarely hear of people fleeing in terror from Bob, and no one runs down the street screaming “For god sape, it’s Steve! He(or She) is gonna destroy us all!”
The other thing we learn (Something that I’ve advocated since the days when I was addicted to James Bond):
If you absolutely must hold your arch-nemesis prisoner, he should be kept nude. And even then only after a thorough cavity search. Even if the things he has on him look innocent they should STILL be taken away.
And if the friends of your arch-nemesis aren’t important, don’t imprison them with him; instead kill them immediately. Or at least imprison them in cells on the opposite end of your complex. They should also be kept nude after a cavity search.
I mean jeez, what kind of a cut rate evil villain can’t spend a little extra effort making sure these things are done correctly.
Also, in my jail the only food given to prisoners would be things you don’t need silverware to eat. Hamburgers, pizza, hot pockets, pop tarts, etc. This has the added bonus of making the prisoners obese and less likely to escape and foil my plans.
Taco: You’ll want this.
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
I’ve read those :).
Good stuff. There is a similar one that’s about the things we learn from movies. I’ll see if I can find it again.
EDIT
Found one that’s similar:
http://www.area51newmexico.com/page5.php
Isn’t the warch a rare type of bird?
It migrates over the Gulf of Mexico, so that makes it a true Oil Fider Warch. Not to be confused with the Solar Powed Warch or the Gas Fider Warch, as those have currently been removed from the government endangered species list.
How wonderful that this CL poster was able to get a picture of this rare and amazing bird.
I thought of a variant of the Python tree. Perhaps a westernized chromosomal difference.
Hwær cwom craftsman? Hwær cwom sape? Hwær cwom yuprobalti?
Hwær cwom crack blocksw? Hwær sindon Hibernia bankes?
Eala tabels hrote! Eala lacawates!
Eala aouta leagueeee! Hu seo autominnen,
genap under nihthelm, swa oil fider warch.
That hwaes god sape!
Holy Klingon!
We have one vote for Klingon! Any other guesses?
(some of the words are Craigslist sparky; don’t count them)
Gaelic or some sort of early English?
It’s “The Wanderer”, right? Anglo-Saxon.
Oh…was I guessing?
I’m going to go with Speaking in Tongues by Random Televangelist.
Am Mostly Lurking Now! So proud of you! Not only the language but the actual source. (with an added phrase as a clue)
This is why I love this website.
Yup, I’ll go with Anglo-Saxon. Seems very Beowulfian.
I’m gonna go with Welsh.
Sweet Clothespin Jeebus! Have you seen this?
http://www.anglo-saxons.net/hwaet/
*Early English History geeking*
Mudsy, have you been sharing your
Everclearcoffee with Innana?Share? Oh..I don’t believe we share here at YSaC. Besides, I don’t know what this Evercloffee is of which you speak.
Koona t’chuta, Solo?
Yes, Taco. I was just going to see your boss. Tell Innanna I’ve got her warch.
Warch ya doing with it?
Just seeing if I can find a Jabba two to use it for.
My warch innana your business — I’d like it back, please.
Huh…related to yesterday’s Facebook friending discussion…if 3 people friend me today, I’ll have an even 300 friends.* Who wants to be 298, 299, and 300? Friend 300 will win a prize!**
*That is rather insane. How do I know that many people? Nearly all of them are people I know in real life, aside from the handful of YSaCers.
**This may not be true.
You know what, I can’t read numbers. I’ll have an even 260 friends. Well, still, that’s a lot of people.
Sounds like your catulator needs fresh kibble.
I think so. *feeds catulator*
Apparently, I friended Taco and yet I still get that “..taco only shares, blah, blah…” when I click on his name.
Only Taco could have figured out how to work the friends-but-not-really app on FB.
Send me a message. It’s possible I don’t have you friended on my end. I’m still catching up after ignoring a bunch of people I thought I didn’t know.
I tried, but my wireless keyboard was acting weird and wouldn’t let me type a message into the friend request, so I didn’t send it since you probably wouldn’t have known who I was.
Oh, go ahead and try it. Even without a message, I won’t reject you without a little investigation.
Would this investigation include determining the ownership of the plane in my profile picture, because that’s really unnecessary, you know. You can totally just take my word for it. Next week, I’m thinking about changing my picture to me and my truck full of bees. Would that impress you?
Depends – are you seated in the driver’s seat and hauling a camper that has been through an apocalyptic battle with the undead?
Bridgete: I think you should just refer to them as “Potential Clients”
Astro! Run!
Was that a “To Catch a Predator” reference?
*offering TM some sweet tea at the kitchen island*
lemme know if I’m #300! Prize>Lou Stool!
Nope, and you weren’t 260 (the actual number I was approaching, as I apparently can’t read numbers) either. No
soupprize for you!Edited to add: 259…so close!
*Fider on the roof*
If I were a warch man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I’d get punchity punched on my arm.
If I were a warchy man.
I wouldn’t have to snark hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum
If I were a little biddy warch,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle snark.
have a door HamCan
HamCan’s the man of whom I am a fan!
Yes, take two..they’re small.
Ummm … What’s a “fider” and why is it on the roof?
It’s like the voilá in a sring[sic] quartet only smaller.
Ah. Well, that clears that up completely.
Ham, I could only love you more if I could tolerate pork. Please take this door.
But, I’m only pork on the inside…
That’s why I can only love your outside. It’s a shallow love.
Works for me…
🙂
Oh I love that musical! I’m partial to one of the other songs though.
Warchmaker, warchmaker make me a warch,
Fide me a fider,
Stachue me a stach.
And then number 1: The Larch; the Larch.
And now number 3: The Larch; the Larch.
Number 12, the Horse-chestnut [applause]
Do you know how confusing it is to read the comments when they’re put in chronological order instead of being nested? Darned iPod
I hate that about the mobile site. I wish there was a way to get them to nest like on the main site.
I do too.
I just find myself carrying on the silliness from yesterday.
wich whicker warch
wich whicker warch
wich whicker warch
or was that
which wicker warch
which wicker warch
which wicker warch
I hope I fider it out.
Wait…I think I fidered this out, Isn’t a warch what a New Yorker wears on his wrist?
A which wicker wrist warch?
(I clearly have not had nearly enough sleep the last several nights, as saying the above phrase out loud has resulted in fits of hysterical laughter to the point of tears. There are side effects of having children that no one warns you about. )
Having children was the side effect that no one warned me about.
I am the side effect that no one warned my mom about.
My sister’s the one she thought she was prepared for, but in fact nobody was.
In case you’re dieing of curiosity it’s a “Craftsman Oil Filter Wrench”. I remember them from high school mechanics class. But man, is that ever mangled.
[/Corey]
Whew! Just in time, all the Corey almost leaked out!
I think the word ‘dieing’ makes it snarky. Aren’t alot of tools made by die-casting not dye-casting?
Dying, dieing, dai-ing, dingalingalinga ding dong.
Man, a somewhat visible oil filter wrench and a claim to not know what it is sure brings the coreys out of the woodwork.
[comedy corey]
FYI, our resident blogmasters are also masters of satire, irony, and sarcasm. You can’t assume they’re being obtuse out of actual ignorance rather than for comedic reasons. Unless, of course, it has to deal with street slang for drugs and/or prostitution.
[/corey]
Beef is worse than oil.
Unless it’s grilled, in which case, the inverse is true.
New visitors, yay.
I think we need to start having Taco’s disclaimer somewhere around about the post for the folks who don’t read the comments enough to recognize the freestyle snark in which we engage.
Maybe add it to the FAQ?
Jacta alea est.
Are we rolling for initiative now?
*Rolls his Dkitty*
Ok, I got ear scratchies. Adding that to my initiative bonus of clean litter box… I go on Fresh Tamale Cart.
Oh, we have 8 sided catdice?
**Rolls his die, it comes up 110.**
Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 Vintage Cereals.
Darnit.
I’m gonna have to take a twenty, all my catdice are currently trying to dig through the
invisible forcefieldwindow to get the Intruder Cat on the porch.Dear warch seller,
Am highly interested to take a immediate purchase of the warch you placed on craigslist, I will offering you $500USD including shipping via Canadian Parcel Air Mail to my daughter who is on a vacation to her granddad in Nigeria…Payment will be processed via palpal(with benefits) as am also a verified confirmed palpal(with benefits) user so kindly get back to me with your full palpal(with benefits) registered ID including your full name and address..
Will be waiting hear from you,
Mrs. Colton Harris Moore.
[auto repair corey] I always prefered the “cap style” oil filter wrenches, as there never seemed to be room to get the strap-style wrenches on the filters while underneath the vehicle and having the catch pan there and jack stands or ramps and the like.
Then, they stopped taking in DIY waste oil, so it was much simpler to just go get professionals to do the work (and it was on their insurance if the drain plug was cross-threaded–made that trip too many times driving a buddy to the autoparts store 200 seconds before the store closes on Sunday to get the repair plug).
[/corey]
Whew, almost leaked all over the bottom of the page there Capn.
And yes, the cap style was my preference as well. There is still a few places over here who will take waste oil… but any more you can have an oil change done for about $20, so I don’t bother doing it myself anymore.
Jinx!
Edit: On the [/corey] that is.
Well at least we’ll catch any others we missed.
Wow, it’s a good thing he wasn’t chewing us out or we could have had a not haz [/Matt] leak!
[/corey]
Don’t leave your tag hanging out there, Capn!
Now, on to my response. A friend once insisted he was going to show me how to change my own oil, until I finally said, “Fine, you can show me. I’m never going to do it though. I’m not interested in lying on the ground, getting my hands dirty, and probably breaking several nails.” He left me alone after that.
Hear hear!
Yeah, there are probably some things I could do myself for lower monetary cost, but the time-and-effort-and-broken-nail cost would be way higher.
I always prefered the “cap style” oil filter wrenches, as there never seemed to be room to get the strap-style wrenches
Yeah, strap-ons ore just not quite good enough…
Ok, that has to count as the slithering on the mechanic’s creeper well-lubricated line crossing . . .
:waves:
Wow, it took forever to get down here. This might be a day late, but I did a sketch of a fortune cookie that might be appropriate for Astro’s fortune. I was doodling them all day and finally sat down with a brush and some ink after supper. Hope y’all like it.
http://sarajean80.deviantart.com/art/fortune-cookie-172348974
Oooh, pretty!
I foresee a whole line of Fortune Cookie merchandise.
http://i25.tinypic.com/2a4pkyb.jpg
Vióla! [sic]
That’s a big image, there, Astro.
Well, it was a big image when Sarajean made it.
Wow, now that’s how you do an eastern looking fortune cookie. Nice job SJ 🙂
Thanks guys {♥}
Can you make the words smaller, Astro? I don’t know how to do stuff like that.
craftsman oil fider warch
Hmmm, anagram fun…
A Farcical Third Few Morns
A Fractals Confirmed Whir
A Cardiac Elf Frowns Mirth (hehehehe)
A Characters Find Fowl Rim (ewwwwwwwww)
You know it’s a good day when you start yelling at the mice behind the bookcase to be quiet and go away. ::sigh::
I even had a friend bring over his cat to hunt them down, but they stayed behind the bookcase and she just hunkered down on the other side but couldn’t reach them.
And now I have a tiny little mouse caught in a sticky trap. I hate those things, but the maintenance guy left it. I don’t know what to do with the poor mouse, and the others are still making noises behind the bookcase.
Also, what is it about this time of night (or day, depending, I guess) that it gets so quiet? I’m about to go get ready for bed (I know, I know, but I have to get up early), and no one’s around for a last bit of snarking.
Well, I am about, if for a bit, here at 2106 CDT.
I prefer mouse traps… better the loud snap than listening to them squeaking while they attempt to get themselves loose. And easier to pick up with the very long barbecue tongs for quick disposal.
Yeah, listening to it try to shake itself loose is worse than the ones scratching away behind the bookcase.
On that lovely note, it’s time for bed. Good night, sleep tight, and don’t get invaded by mice.
I prefer the Mouse Traps, because it’s over quicker for them. Ever since I read Redwall, I’ve come to at least not want the mice to die a slow death on a sticky trap in the middle of the night.
I’m usually around still, but I’ve run out of things to say. Unless you want to hear about family law. Actually, I have a couple fun quotes from the lecture that I just had to jot down for posterity…here, let’s see…
“Prostitution is illegal. Just because you structure it as a requirements contract doesn’t change the rule.”
“You don’t need to write these down. You’ll know what to write if you walk into the exam and the question reads, ‘John married his mother. Discuss.'”
“It’s not a material lie if you say you’re a natural blonde, and on your wedding night, your fiancé finds out the truth.”
“Even if you’re used to another term, try to write ‘nonmarital child’ on the exam. Don’t write, ‘I will now address the rights of the little bastard.'”
That last is priceless. But, a person educated in latin might wonder why not just use “minor nothus” instead. Unless we are being very old fashioned and preserving inherited rights and the like.
“Non-marital child” sounds like some sort of foundling, which would seem to require some other declaration of declare en loco parentitus, since mater semper certa est is not indicated (to my laic eye, at least).
I thought they used Gerbils…*
*Not to be confused with Gerberts.
Capn: Apparently illegitimate has fallen out of favor now. I tend to agree with you about this “nonmarital child” idea, I’m really not sure it’s any better. Certainly does sound like a foundling.
Two times it matters: intestacy and child support. Oh, and in Mass, if it looks like you “forgot” a child in your will (they still get something without a clear intent to disinherit here). All this fuss about terminology seems unnecessary…well, at least, now that we’re not calling them bastards.
Fascinating conceptual fabric there, really.
If we consider that “child” is imprecise due the staggered ages of majority and consent, and that vivende bene is a legitimate expectation, then and illegitimate child could be construed to be one with no expectation of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Which sounds tough sledding for a detached person not having achieved majority.
Ooh, perhaps in seven days we can take up the intellectual shoals of via legis versus ad rex ergo.
Or not {G}
LOL The top ad on the page for me is a very nice, leather-strapped, uh, warch. 8) Uncle Google at the ready.
Kae! Come on down! Here’s your shiny new card, and your first (I think) Punchity punch punch!
G’Night, Borneo!
*sniffle*
And well-deserved, too.
This ad could have possibly been written by the woman who is famous for her role (made much more popular on Mystery Science Theater 3000) on “Werewolf”. I will never forget her odd accent and pronunciation of “warrwilf”. Seems only logical to me that if you’re going to cast someone for a movie about werewolves, you would want someone who could actually pronounce the word. 3 cheers for MST3K, tv’s version of YSaC.
Oh, for god sape!
Looks more like a strap wrench, the funny thing is that the blue one on the Sears website is $4.99
I think I can see it. It’s like the first pic you linked, only facing the other direction. It doesn’t come out well on the black background. But why 3 pictures, from the same angle, progressively blurrier?