YSaC, Vol. 722: Nice grill, dawg.
Human to dog dental transplant
WANTED: person skilled in dentistry willing to perform experimental procedures. I recently purchased a very expensive show dog, however the shows I plan on attending are slightly “odd.” The judges are very impressed by dogs with larger teeth, so I have decided to forgo my teeth in order to hopefully implant them into my dog, Daisy. I have contacted many dentists, however have yet to find a doctor who will accommodate. If you are somewhat knowledgeable in the art of dentistry please contact me as soon as possible. If you feel more comfortable I am more than willing to schedule a meeting prior to the procedure. I am willing to pay top dollar. Please contact me ONLY VIA TEXT MESSAGE, my phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Thank you very much. Hope to hear for you soon.
I’m trying to imagine which doctors would be listed in the yellow pages under “willing to do human to dog dental transplants”. So far I’ve come up with Dr. Moreau, Dr. Frankenstein, Dr. Lao, Dr. Phibes, and Dr. Caligari. And possibly Dr. Orin Scrivello, DDS.
And if you need me, I’ll be over here in the corner whimpering.
Thanks, Heather!
The fact that this guy is communicating “ONLY VIA TEXT MESSAGE” is rather suggestive that he may have already undertaken phase 1 of the plan.
Why can’t this guy just do what normal folks do and buy their dog a pair of dentures and bolt them in.
What?
in what way, windrose, (or taco, or whose avatar is that anyway?) is that what “normal folks” do???
It’s normal for
WindroseTaco. I bet he’s had all sorts of animal parts in him at one time or another.What?
[Windrose corey]
Windy had to leave before this one was posted. She wanted somebody to snark in her name. I’m just an obliging kinda fellow.
[/corey]
Seeing as I’m going to be gone for the week and I know everyone here will miss me terribly, I’ll extend the same offer. I am willing to pay one dollar and let you go for a ride on the bicycle I think I have. Position starts tomorrow, little to no experience needed.
Do I get to wear the tutu?
Absolutely. Tutu’s yours.
Slow down there, MandaB. I thought you were MY stunt double…
Don’t worry Bianchi, I’ve got you covered. Being 3 people at once shouldn’t be an issue. I’m a mom.
Picture a rare green cermaic monkey in goddess robes and a tutu. It will be great!!!
Paging SilvaNoir, you have an art project waiting for you.
Hey, me too, LH! I will terribly miss YSaC, much more than my other ‘net hangouts… Those are just drive-bys, anyways :-p If internet wasn’t $.75 a minute after a $5 service fee (for crappy satellite internet, shared between hundreds of people… ugh), I would consider popping in. We’ll see if I manage to get cell service now and then 🙂
I have enough unfinished art projects I need to get to first ^_^;
Yesterday I tried to sketch up a minty Corey car… until I remembered I can’t draw cars well no matter how hard I try.
I could try my hand at it after vacation. I’m not as good as Silva, but, hey, a tutu-wearing monkey-goddess is a tutu-wearing monkey-goddess, right?
I’d volunteer for it, but I’m trying to stop procrastinating and get a third chapter written on my Batman fanfic. After which, of course, I’ll need to improve the first chapter, and then begin work on expanding my story of the YSaC Battle versus the Cheezburgers into an epic of mini-Homeric proportions, including such Gods as Ostrimus, Pedanticles, and a bunch more, too many to list. This epic is one I’m planning to illustrate.
Manda, you doe realize that, while wearing the tutu you are
allowed to wave a oboe at small children and exclaim
“Ex-term-inate! Ex-term-inate!” to your heart’s content?
Of course, Capn! Aside from the tutu, how is it different from every other day?
Oh, wait…nevermind. There’s an oboe too. Got it!
EX-TERM-INATE! EX-TERM-INATE!
Ahhh, that never gets old 🙂
I just sold something on craigslist for $25 obos, but it ended up being $20 obos. Good thing I didn’t specify that I wanted firm obos :-p
As I read, I initially thought he only* wanted someone to put caps on the poor dog’s teeth. Until I finished reading.
*I never thought I’d see the day when “only” wanting to put caps on a dog’s teeth was preferable.
The furry scene gets weirder and weirder every day.
Does that mean you don’t want to borrow the squirrel costume any more?
Don’t need to …
… not since the pelt-to-human epidermis transplant took.
TM, it’s not working. We all know you’re not Windrose (or even WindRose). If you want to get her attention and get punched … just ask. I’m sure she’s happy to accommodate! 8)
How about now?
Oh good, you finally found someone somewhat knowledgable in the art of cosmetic surgery! Was it that guy behind the dumpster at Burger King or the twitchy fella on the corner who talks to himself?
I obviously need more coffee, cause it’s taken me twenty minutes of trying to puzzle out what you all were talking about.
I already knew it was TM just by the verbage in the post. No one else is able to match his :insert adjective: way of writing.
I think the adjective you’re looking for is splungey.
*Looks at dictionotomy*
Good, I spelled it right.
Oh, wait – I see your explanation now. Never mind. Carry on, TacoWind.
Umm… I wouldn’t have gone with that particular portmanteau, Lola.
Too splody-suggesting?
Yeeeeeaaaah.
Gives a whole new meaning to
windrosesplodeTacosplode.Unfortunately, Tacosplode may be one of those words that doesn’t really need a whole new meaning.
Excuse me while I go barf.
Taco del Viento, I call shenanigans on your passcard!
**Gets in a cab** Follow that birdtaco!
oh, goody….. shenanigans haven’t been called in a long time! Can I be the referee?
Yeah, “taco wind” reminds one of being behind one too many poorly-tuned taco trucks (and no, I am denying and abjuring any other construction-site sense of the portmanteau).
Though, bonus points in buckets ought be awarded for “dictionotomy.”
The mad scientist/vivisectionist theme today is apt for the scalpels and clamps and retractors used to evil intent upon an OED or the like . . .
I…
Ummm….
Holy clothespin jeebus. I don’t even know where to begin.
I second that emotion, Manda…
Yeah, this one’s kinda making my brain itch. In the bad way.
*hands brain ointment*
Ahhh…
Oooh, it tingles!
The tingle means it’s working!
Good, I kinda got worried when my fingertips went numb and everything started smelling purple.
You only need to worry if things start smelling puce.
Add me to the list of “so very, very disturbed” people. So…very…disturbed.
About this or in general?
I’d go with “general, but symptoms exacerbated by this Craigslist posting.”
Walkees! Come on Fifi, through the hoop! Good, now sit! Aaaaand SMILE!
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OYbIw2f8fIg/SYcW595yYjI/AAAAAAAAAs8/q6JsCyc4NTc/s400/dog%2Bsmile.jpg
(There. Now you’ll have that image stuck in your head, too. You’re welcome.)
My my, that’s one massive link you’ve got there MF. What are you doing this weekend?
Watch it, TacoRrose, you’re going to scare them all away.
I think he has link envy.
Why, I’m taking it in to have another one transplanted in its place. A retooling, if you will.
OK, something physical just happened when I saw that, and now again when I’m thinking about it… It was something between a gag and a cringe and a startle and a blagaragh.
When it gets to ‘spew’, you may need to go lie down in a cool dark room.
A gagstarcringlearg?
Gesundheit.
Yes, something like that, Manda :-p
That’s a new spin on biting yourself in the butt!
I’ve picked out two more phrases that raise the hair on my
hacklesneck.If you are somewhat knowledgeable in the art of dentistry.
Translation: Well, I’ve tried all the people who are skilled at dentistry and they said no. Might as well see if there’s anyone who’s seen teeth a few times who would be willing to do the proceedure.
I am willing to pay top dollar.
Translation: $1, held high. There is no possible way that somebody who proposes this proceedure could afford any more than that. Please? Please cosmos, let it not be so.
I need coffee before this takes root in my brain and I start seeing it in my dreams.
I pulled out one of my own teeth once, does that mean I qualify? I have my own pliers and a high tolerance for others’ pain.
(Not in a The Hangover-style bet way, it was loose and I just wiggled it until it fell out.)
I did that too. Quite a few times actually. I was little, though, and don’t really remember how.
I’ve learned a lot from the students I see at the dental school. They like to explain what’s going on. I think I qualify. Can I have that dollar?
*reaches up and snatches it from
TacoWindrose*Sorry. I’m kinda tall, it’s hard to play keep away with me.
I drive past a dentist’s office on the way to work, does that count?
:jumps to get dollar and misses:
Sometimes it’s no fun being short.
I prefer ‘vertically inept.’
Ok, the first name that crops up in my mind is
John Henry “Doc” Holiday.
Which is clearly a
signsymptom of how my brain works.Leo Spaceman is also a pretty good dentist.
I have this company I’m thinking of starting that hires out trained assassins to kill idiots. Of course, the idiots have to be confirmed with proof of stupidity. I’ve got my proof here, if anyone would like to buy the assassin. Please pay me ONLY IN VINTAGE CEREAL.
P.S. The deal comes with FREE chocolate chip cookies.
I like cookies!
You throw in a sammich and I’m there!
Done. It’s a reuben, extra reu.
If you throw food, you have to clean up afterwards!
Awww, Capn, you had to bring the party down…
Yeah, well, tough enough to raise the gumption to clean my own place; you whippersnappers start making messes elsewhere, and I have to go to “crotchety old fart waving a Walker (dragoon) around” . . .
Bah-humbuhg and Harumph! You, you, off my lawn!
I’m in.
Are the cookies homemade or storebought?
Homemade by mon père. He is a fantastic baker.
Then I’m in. Your father doesn’t poison the cookies, does he?
That depends on your definition of poison. If you eat enough, yes, you’ll probably die. On the other hand, I’ll be one delicious death.
You’ll look quite fetching in that black robe Death wears, I’m sure.
snerk
I blame a
bad typistfaulty keyboard. But you’re right, the black robe would go well with my tutu.P.S. I even capitilized it. Huh. Maybe I have a suicidal subconcious.
“Suicidal Subconscious” – emo band name o’ the day.
With the hit song, Poison in my Cookies.
Well, to be pedantic about it, if one is Death (whether delicious or not), one is homicidal, not suicidal.
But, that suggests two equally cool band names:
Subconsciously Homicidal
and
Deliciously Homicidal
The latter has a slightly cannibalistic vibe to it.
Yeah, but just think of the cool bass drum riff you could get in behind a bunch of songs . . . {G}
As to the company, will these assassins be monkey robot pirate ninjas? If not, count me out.
Monkey robot pirate ninja aliens. Is that OK?
Ooh! That’s even better!
Oh, I’m sorry Astro, I thought it was implied that the assassins were Monkey robot pirate ninja aliens. I’ll be clearer when I submit the ad to the Star Shopper. Or maybe even Craigslist.
So how much vintage cereal or crisco do these assassins charge? I could really use one right now. He/She/It could take care of #1 on my hit list. (No it’s not Poison in my Cookies. .)
Since they will be clones, would they all be Bononbo Fet?
(Thus Flying Monkey Robot Ninja Bounty-hunting Pirates.)
I thought you usually had to take care of your own #1? Unless you’re a baby, and then someone else has to change your diaper. And I suppose it Depends on how well you age, if you get to return to that stage of life.
Is ‘depends’ capitilized for any particular reason? Hmm…I smell puns.
I’ve got a random geeky cookie thing to share!
http://www.thatwasfunny.com/engineers-are-cooking/1216
I notice Sparky doesn’t mention the breed of the “very expensive show dog”. What if it’s one of those little yappy dogs that shakes all the time?
Then it’s new teeth will chatter a lot.
What?
And the teeth would be more difficult to bolt in.
Can you imagine a Chinese Crested with two human front teeth? shudder
Those are already ugly dogs, why torture them even more?
Maybe I do need to boil up my own batch of Taco! Brand Brain Bleach©.
I’m thinking teacup poodle.
Chihuahua?
“Yo quiero Taco bleach”???
Ok, so here are some problems with this ad:
1. Sparky has bought an expensive show dog, but it doesn’t have the specific attributes he/she is looking for in order to (presumably) win shows. Why did he/she do that?
2. Why do we need to know the name of Sparky’s potential prize-winning pooch?
3. Why does Sparky only require someone “somewhat knowledgeble” in the art of dentistry (surely a science in any case)? For something as difficult as human to dog transplants, you must need an expert.
4. “If you feel more comfortable….” There is no way any non-insane, even Steve Martin-like, dentist is just going to rock up and perform this procedure without having assessed the situation / state of mind of person and dog / determined what might be required.
Conclusion – the text message number MUST be a friend’s/enemy’s/teacher’s/co-worker’s.
About number 3: I’m not sure, but I can imagine it’s pretty difficult to find an expert in human-to-dog dental transplants.
“For something as difficult as human to dog transplants, you must need an expert.”
Er, are there any? For that? Dear babby clothespin Jeebus, I hope not.
Crap, Laurel beat me to it.
… Anyway …
But you put fancy bold font on yours.
Lola and Laurel – There is this doctor on an island who may be the expert for whom you are looking.
No, these are not the Freuds you are looking for . . .
Let them go, these are not the Freuds we are looking for.
Anom – I was thinking the same thing. There is no way that this could be real. Please, Bob, for the sake of my sanity, let this be a hoax.
Poor Daisy. I want to make fun of this idiot, but all I can think of is this poor dog that got stuck with this asshat for an owner. I hope someone was kind enough to provide this ad to their local anti-cruelty society and this dog eventually made it to a good home.
I suspect if Daisy could talk she would say, “Please have your asshats spayed or neutered. Or sprinkled.”
Ok – sorry – back to the funny!
I’m with you, MandaB, it’s tough to snark when you think about the possibility that this is not a joke..
I’ll be back later after I’ve had a chance to scrub on my three mutts, who all have perfectly acceptable gross dog teeth 🙂 That should fix my snark.
I agree. I’m not really a dog person, but that doesn’t mean I approve of cruelty towards them. Give your dogs some extra scrubs for me. Meanwhile, I’ll sit here and hug the cat.
I’m an equal opportunity animal lover*, but unfortunately my dogs love the kitties in a different way**
*that didn’t come out right
**neither did that
Kind of like Taco and those barn aminals?*
*Intentional Spelling Error
I’m still trying to get the sound of Hal singing “Daisy” out of my head . . .
Mind you, hypoxia and weightlessness could explain this Sparky
Humanity may not be doomed … just yet.
Octomom tells a different story of what doctors are willing to do:
Create another large batch of children with debilitating disorders!? I’m totally there!
I think this guy just didn’t search hard enough.
I can just picture Sparky McSparkcase’s train of thought.
“Jeepers, I contacted a number of highly trained, board certified medical professionals and none of them are willing to yank out my teeth and shove them into my dog’s jaw! I know, I’ll try CraigsList!”
Bravo, SJ! Brilliant use of Sparkcase! *grins widely!*
Maybe he should try shopping at ID10ts R US.
That store is in my town!
Except, it starts with a ‘W’ and ends with mart.
And you know, you can find anything, there.
Sounds like the same place.
Ewwww.
That is all.
“Hope to hear for you soon.”
Sweet sonofaseagoingserpent!!
*goes off to check mirror, make sure ears haven’t been removed whilst she slept*
check the dog.
Sparky must be trying to make his own Manimal. Or woul it be a Maog?
Barf the Mawg II?
The good thing about being a mawg is that you’re your own best friend.
I see your Swartz is as big as mine…
This ad has to be fake. Who would be willing to give up their teeth permanently* in order for their dog to win a prize? Plus, I’m pretty sure the dog show judges can tell the difference between human teeth and dog teeth.
* Or maybe they think that they can have the teeth back afterward? Try finding a doctor who’ll do that!
I really, really hope this ad is fake.
That’s a real ‘loving’ owner in that ad. After all, look at all the animals willing to share their body parts with us. The least we can do is give back to “man’s best friend”.
Wouldn’t cosmetic veneers just be easier on everyone? You might even find some vet unscrupulous enough to do that. Particularly if you are willing to pay “top dollar” (that’s the $500 from Monopoly, right?).
Nooo… I think he’s thinking about some kind of special dog show, where they l0ok for really really odd dogs. I can’t possibly imagine (please no please no please no) that there’s a dog show that specializes in dogs with human parts.
I’ve seen portions of the World’s Ugliest Dog competition, but lack of teeth is usually considered more desirable.
Ok…. I may be able to lift this creepy burden from your brains. A brain bleach, sorta’.
I have been involved with showing dogs for something over 20 years now, and at this very moment have (counts) 6 showdogs sleeping near my feet snoring like psychotic badgers. Judges do check teeth but I have yet to know of any of the ~170+ breeds (depending on which registry in the world you prefer) that give a rip about the SIZE of any of the teeth. Or that wouldn’t run screaming to the nearest law enforcement officer upon seeing transplanted human teeth. Depending on the breed there are requirements for proper alignment, number of teeth is important in some breeds, jaw alignment in others…. etc. Not to mention that breeds one might guess would have a “size of teeth” requirement (if such exists and I am unaware of it) already have teeth much larger than human teeth are anyway! I think Sparky O’SnaggleTeeth is a lying liar who had nothing better to do but post a WTF CL. Or has something to do with Furries which I find nearly more disturbing than back alley dental transplants…..
Plus, any cosmetic surgical alteration disqualifies a dog from conformation showing. Regardless of the motive of this post, I would like to have a few moments in a room alone with Sparky and a baseball bat and I’ll do some minor dental alterations for him. I’ll only charge travel expenses.
Daisy, Daisy,
I’ll give you some teeth to chew.
I’m half (*) crazy, but my dentist will come through
You’ll be such a stylish show dog
I want to go the whole hog
And you’ll look sweet
Your gums all neat,
With a mouthful of teeth for you.
(*) more than
I was working on a version of this but got stuck. Cudos on making it work =).
Thank you TacoRrose
And that was the earworm I was having as well. I was studiously ignoring it.
Ditto, see above.
I read that as “Cujos”.
Fabulous! However, I will now have this stuck in my head all day long. *wanders off humming*
My mother used to sing Daisy to me when I was a little girl and now I will never be able to hear it again without thinking of this version. Yet another childhood memory molested by the internet.
I have the antidote, kelli: the second verse* to the original song.
Harry, Harry, here is my answer true
I’m not crazy over the likes of you
If it won’t be a stylish marriage
And you can’t afford a carriage
Then I’ll be damned if I’ll be crammed
On a bicycle built for two.
*as sung by Boy Scouts, anyway
Do you want me to tell you about the other version of “Birds Among the Trees?”
That’s what the internet is here for, Kelli.
No, the internet is for porn.
Anyone else hearing it in the HAL voice?
But the internet is really, really great, Kelli!
I’ve never been able to hear it any other way since my dad made me watch 2001.
And thanks/many doors spread around to many YSaC-ers for making me laugh so hard I not only cried but my nose ran. Really, you’re the
wind beneath my wingsonly reason I’m not sitting on my porch whimpering while I wait for my new laptop to arrive. Laughter may be the best medicine, but snorting guffaws arethe new blackmake the world go ’round.That’s all I heard! Still my favorite flick of all time! Where’s Kanye?
I see Sacha Baron Cohen’s working on his Next Big Thing already…
Anyone else glad to see that Michael Vick has turned over this new leaf? Nope? Just me?
Okaaaaaaay, then.
This must be a new type of dog show held in Transylvania especially for Frankendogs…
They already made that movie: Frankenweenie
The dog’s name was even Sparky!
Gosh, when is Windrose getting back, these feathers itch and the brass knuckles make my fingers sore. And there’s nobody to punch yet.
I’m guessing the bra chaffs and the panties are binding?
Actually they’re silk and feel quite nice; way better quality than the ones I normally…
Errm.
Yes, they chafe something awful.
And do you wear these while you peruse the Hannah Montana forums?
I can’t believe you’re talking about Windrose’s unmentionables that way!
Actually, I can’t believe that she left them for you, so…. ‘fess up, who do they really belong to.
On second thought… no, don’t tell me. Please, please, don’t say anything more.
*Insert tampon joke here*
(Possibly “insert” wasn’t the best verb to use here…)
Congratulations, HamCan. I simultaneously laughed and threw up in my mouth a little. Don’t think I’ve ever done that before …
And I think I snerked/snorted… but this time out loud. I ope my coworkers don’t think I’m tooo odd… Then again, we’ve been coworkers for a while, so I don’t think my reputation will change.
*snort* Blue, I read your entire post in a Cockney accent.
I wish I could read my post in a Cockney accent! Was it the “ope”? Dang wireless keyboard and caffeine-fueled fingers…
My wireless at home usually ignores the space bar so I end up with this dense little clot of nonsense.
sj, you have just described most of the posts on Craigslist.
A few things I’m trying to figure out…
“…however the shows I plan on attending are slightly ‘odd.’ The judges are very impressed by dogs with larger teeth…”
What kind of “odd” dog show are you entering this poor pup in?
“…so I have decided to forgo my teeth in order to hopefully implant them into my dog, Daisy.”
Am I the only one who reads this as, “I have already ‘forgone’ my teeth by way of a handle of cheap tequila and pliers, and now I’m looking for something that will at least make a kickass story to…you know…impress the ladies or something.”
[errrg corey] The entire concept instills images of utter panic. Having recently undergone a non-cosmetic procedure that was particularly violent, the mere suggestion makes me cringe. That poor dog is welcome to join our herd. (With show-life happily over, two of our three were show dogs in a prior incarnation. Very well-treated show dogs mind you, but show animals none-the-less. They enjoy their leisurely existence far more now.)[/errrg corey]
I only pray it’s a sick joke.
We had a racing greyhound from the greyhound rescue. The whole first year we had him he didn’t do much. Just slept on the couch. After that he suddenly became a really fun, playful dog. We figured he was taking that first year off.
Racing life must have been fairly hard, too. My father had to remove 8 of the dog’s toes because the bone had started to necrotize and gangrene was setting in. Luckily the dog didn’t seem to miss them too much.
Modern medicine (animal, yes, and even human); gotta love it.
…and that’s the story of the first dog/human transplant. Taco, your dog toe teeth look great! I can hardly tell that your mouth isn’t a dog’s foot!
Gives a whole new meaning to having one’s foot in one’s mouth.
Just don’t bite the foot that feeds you.
[corey durr] I actually own, show and breed “show dogs” and they are totally spoiled. I think the judges might* notice people toofers in a dog [/corey durr]
*Would probably have a heart attack on the spot
I just saw the pictures on your blog. That little mostly-white puppy is adorable!
Adorable?
*clicks*
*unsuccessfully-squelched squeeing ensues*
Agree.
First thing that came to mind when I read “…however the shows I plan on attending are slightly ‘odd.’ The judges are very impressed by dogs with larger teeth…” was “vampire dog show”.
Those Twi-tards have gone too far.
I’m surprising myself today. Of all the brain bleachy things on this site, today is the first day where I am having physical reactions to the posts…. Stupid twi-tards.
Have you seen the McDonalds ad where they have Twilight fangirls try to convince male customers to side with them? a group of girls ask an old man”Would you rather your daughter date a vampire or a werewolf?” and he replies “NEITHER”
I second his thought times a million.
At least if your daughter brought one of those home nobody would blame you when you killed him.
** although I don’t actually have a daughter. But really, theoretical hypothetical daughter is still banned from going out with anything that would maim/kill/devour a person.
There’s a McDonalds ad like that? Ugh… Some people… the whole Twilight thing makes me weep for humanity sometimes. Idiocracy seems more and more realistic this past few years, which I think is why I choose to interact with intelligent, grammatically correct snarkers 🙂
EB – I laughed so hard when I read that werewolf letter, I thought I was going to have an unfortunate and very juvenile accident.
I’ve seen those ads too, most of the men are in the Old Man – Ancient Man age group and appear to have no idea what the girls are talking about.
Hmm, that letter might be some more proof of stupidity–I’ll get my monkey robot pirate ninja aliens.
EB – Could it be that Wells wasn’t too far off with his Eloi and Morlocks? Except, of course, instead of class-oriented division leading to separate evolutionary paths, we have intelligence vs. non-intelligence.
A cogent and reasoned question.
Wells’ split of “beautiful people” and troglodytes may not pan out.
What is troubling to consider is a split between that small percentage who do not require income, and the rest of the wage-earning, wage-requiring folk.
Against that are the “a country boy can survive” values of many in “fly over country”for who and whom $600 would be a nice week’s wages, instead of barely covering the lunch tab last week.
Toughest part of such scenario would be that each case of a Sparky experiencing “Darwin in Action” (to borrow the Larry Niven quote) would be at a loss to some one, even a caring, intelligent someone who had carefully explained that you do not distill things using automobile radiators because lead solder melts.
But, maybe we ran that 2-3km asteroid impact study one too many times.
Oh, in case of boredom/curiosity this can be interesting
http://impact.ese.ic.ac.uk/ImpactEffects/
(read the Impact Examples note first, remember that orbital velocities are quite large; oh, and a Texas-sized asteroid would be 600 x 800 miles and would probably break up due to tidal forces just crossing into the Earth-Moon gravity well–reality spoils h’wood every time.)
What’s even more frightening is that this person actually appears to be literate, which may indicate a certain degree of intelligence!
An idiot savant idiot?
Savant idiot savant?
I win! A pair of idiots beat a pair of savants anytime…
Showing a degree of intelligence is what gives me the biggest hope that this is a joke. The absurdity of believing that you could successfully perform a cross-species transplant like this, performed by someone who is “somewhat knowledgeable” and not have the judges eliminate the pooch immediately is beyond the pale. Someone intelligent enough to write that well would certainly realize this.
And the text-only responses just make it more certain to be a joke.
Judge #1 – “Say, that Pomeranian has remarkably big bicuspids!”
Judge #2 – “He does have suspiciously massive dentition to the point of no longer being able to close his mouth, and his owner is as toothless as a stereotypical hillbilly, but I’m so impressed by the big teeth, I don’t care! Best in show!”
I pray to all the gods of Craigslist that this post is some sort of dare.
I’m guessing some sort of mind-altering substance was involved at some point.
Like chocolate?
Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Brilliant. Intelligent. Cunning. Psychotic. Freakshow.
But the question is…has Sparky been able to find a dentist willing to put the dog’s teeth into HIS mouth?
Maybe that’s what the REAL aim of this posting is….
Yeah, that’s kinda what I was thinking, too. The scary thing is, it’d probably be easier to find a dentist to put dog teeth into a human mouth than the other way around.
Congratulations on getting the box CJ! Punchity, Punch, Punch!
Oi! Commenting on Windrose’s behalf ain’t a mandate to be the Puncher.
… Besides, I wouldn’t call that a punch. Too splody.
You can consider it like that third party, generic Mac’N’Cheese that’s all watery and doesn’t taste right… only in punch form.
I’m sure Windrose will be able to supply the real thing when she gets in.
Oh!
TacoWindroseTaco, when you’re done being Windrose I have another job for you. All you have to do is tell me you’re a third-party problem whenever you think of it. It has to do with this mnemonic device the contracts lecturer gave us. I have the rest down, but for some reason I keep forgetting what the “Taco” part is supposed to stand for.Speaking of contracts…I’d better go study.
Using YSaC to study…. Non-sarcastic awesome. Do you guys want to do my work, too?
There’s a TacoRose at YSaC
WindRose he’s trying to be
No other one but WindRose
Can give a good punchity
She cried so when Taco stole her handle
It like to broke her heart
And if she ever she ever catches him
To a Not.A.Lion she’ll feed his private parts.
A door for you Ham.
I’m pretty sure Dr. Mengele has full documentation describing this EXACT procedure.
Fail. Serious, larger-than-acceptable really bad fail. Even the delete failed. Boohoo.
*turns, hanging head, slips away quietly*
The Dentastix website has a feature whereby you can see what your very-own pooch looks like with human teeth! What?
My dog is fine with dog teeth.
EDIT: Uh… this was meant as a reply to abwh’s comment on the dentastix website, but I guess it works on its own too. It’s too hot to think. *melts*
You need a bigger unbubler, preferably stuck in a tall frosty beverage.
That sounds oh, so, awfully good. I may do that shortly. I am scheduled to go catch up with an old classmate today and tall frosties may need to be involved.
My class reunion is tonight, and I’m not there because there isn’t a big enough flask/tall enough frosty/big enough unbubler to put up with some of those people, even after *mumble* years. Still … having something tall and cold sounds very attractive right now …
I’ll be right back…
*standing in freezer*
Tap, tap, tap, can I come out now? I’m pretty cold and not getting any taller…btw the light does go out when you shut the door…Oooooooo!!! Popsicles!!! NomNomNom
Sounds like my graduating class. I didn’t even get an invite to the first one. The best part about that was that one of the organizers worked with my father and told him after the fact that they didn’t invite me because they had no address to send the invite to. My dad’s sarcatic reply (which basically called her a dumbass for not simply asking him) went right over her head.
My dog is horrified at this post
Or she would be, if she wasn’t busy napping in front of the air conditioner.
Not that I’d do silly humanizing things with my dog. Nope. (at least, all were very temporary and caused no harm)
It’s giving me a 403 error when I click your link.
Me too and no one is restricting my internet access. Right Astro? Astro? Do you have the ability to restrict access for the
holewhole town? How’d you do that?[quote]We are sorry but access to this resource is currently forbidden. If you are trying to access what you believe is a valid page or file on this site, please contact the administrators for further assistance.[/quote]
No one wants me to see their pretty pictures today. I couldn’t see the My Little Pony Zomb…
Oh no, Silva must have draw a picture of dividing by zer-
Slightly off topic but was I the only one (over the age of 10) who dressed like a cow today?
let me look around ……
I just realised how incredibly insane that will sound to people not familiar with Chick-fil-a. Really, I’m not crazy, I’m just willing to humiliate myself for free food*.
*that didn’t come out right
What would you do for a Klondike Bar? 🙂
I was young, my blood sugar was low, and I had no idea that they were filming it. I’m sure that the Druids will forgive me one day.
I would probably make some cow ears or something if I wasn’t headed straight from work to the airport in, oh, 10 minutes. I love free food.
EB
“Don’t let a little thing like total public humiliation stop you from having a good time.”
I was going to, but then my dad came home with pizzas for dinner.
I dressed like a Texan today, and several folks said “Well, Howdy, Cowboy!”
Does that count?
So…if you swap teeth with another species does that make you
-Transdentured?
-Bi-cuspidal?
-Im-molar?
In need of Haldol.
Ooh, Haldol good (careful if patient is a Paxil user, though)
Ad today:
Help those most in need
Eradicate extreme hunger & poverty worldwide Support Concern Today
Uhm? Yes. Our Sparky is much in need of help, but it’s not hunger related. Unless he’s already missing his canines, and can’t bite food.
wow. but finally a craig’s item that you can take a bite out of, i mean, oh never mind. this guy is a sick f**k. report him to, eh, peta anyway, and the american dental assoc. shudder.
And, “Lemming, Lemming; Lemming of the BDA, the B-D-A, the B, D; B, D. the B! D! eh-eh-eh-AY!” ?
Naughty dentists always lose in the end (spit).
Man, when’s Windy gonna get in? These feathers are poking me in inappropriate, yet hilarious places.
Somebody else wanna be WindrRose for a while?
EDIT: Huh, this went to a radom spot. I think the website needs less beer.
Let’s see here. If this does not end up as a reply to
TacoWindrRose’s comment, then the website has an issue with the inline replies. It happened the other day on DateWrecks.Edit: Well, it’s in the right place. But going by all the comments at the bottom that look like they were intended to be replies to other comments, I think there WAS a problem. The website must have sobered up after all that beer.
Just wait until molting season.
Hey, Taco! Report to the office RIGHT BLOODY NOW!
*slams virtual door*
Guess that means I have to give the parrot suit back.
You may want him to clean that before you take it back. He had a little problem with Tacowind earlier.
On second thought, you might just want to burn it.
Also, before I head to bed, I wanted to apologize in the case that I did actually offend.
It was not my intent, nor my purpose to mock you, Windrose, but rather honor you with a purposeful misinterpretation of your request that somebody snark ‘in your name’ (something I did to a literal sense most of the day). If this caused offense, I apologize, I was trying to be cute and/or silly; not insulting.
In any case, CJ needs a real punch before she finds out that the one I gave her is actually made out of meat gerberts.
I also apologize to Isaac, as I’m sure my continually atrocious spelling and grammar has given him more than a few gray hairs.
Wow, a Tacopology…
Taco, I have no regrets, and actually had more fun reading the comments today than I have in a long time. Like, since yesterday. No, really, I was laughing too hard to type coherently.
My only real regret is that the undies looked better on you. Sigh.
8)
Okay, CJ! Bona fide punching coming your way. Got the helmet on snugly? Punchity Punch Punch!
Ah, feels good to be back.
G’Night, Westminster!
Oohh..ouch…dammit…got a hole in the helmet!! Thanks anyway, Windy!
I think you should alert the proper authorities to this fellow. I think if he wants to do painful experimental surgery on his dog, then there are probably a whole bunch of awful things he is doing to his dog. I just think this guy’s house needs to be checked for dead bodies and god knows what else. FREAK!