YSaC, Vol. 721: Bad title.
Sometimes, the titles are the best parts of the ad, and you don’t really need the rest:
baby eating chair
Kelli sent this one in, pointing out, “I guess this chair is like one of those carnivorous plants. You strap the baby in and it’s slowly absorbed by the chair’s digestive juices.”
Once the baby’s been devoured by the chair, you can then place an ad like this next one on Craigslist, looking for the chair’s next victim occupant:
FULL TIME TODDLER POSTION
I don’t think I’m qualified to be a toddler, at least not full time. Toddlers are required to have so much energy! I see them out and about, doing their toddler thing, and it makes me tired just watching them. I think I’ll stick to toddling as a hobby.
And here we have someone with unrealistic expectations about what technology can and can’t provide them with:
iPad 32g 3G+WIFE
Apple is selling iWives now? I’m still waiting for them to release iMinions. I really need iMinions.
Thanks to Kelli, justlikeaholiday, and technolady!
Want a virtual wife? There’s an app for that.
I’m finding myself wondering what such an app would do. Some possibilities:
– Use voice technology to nag you to clean out the garage.
– Delete your good-for-nothing friends from your contacts and replace their numbers with your in-laws’.
– Block your iPad from accessing any porn sites.
-Ask you about how it looks in various clothing.
-Buy all the gifts for Chrismas and put both your names on them.
-Get rid of your milk crate living room set.
-Divorce you and delete half your bank balance.
[iPhone corey] There’s a housework app that sort of nags you. I think it creates notifications and then you get a little star when you tell it you’ve finished the job. When I was investigating what it does, I was slightly hopeful that it somehow turned my phone into a little cleaning robot.
What? It can already unlock and start your car. Why not clean house too? [/corey]
I want the virtual husband app; I’m tired of complaining about my own cooking and spending my weekends watching NASCAR while I nag myself to go mow the lawn and take the trash out.
I want a real husband, but also a virtual wife. I live on my own and could still used a @#$%^&! housewife a lot of the time.
I’m a wife and I need a wife…what I want to know is if I could get one without the 3 large G’s and the 32 small g’s. I really don’t have room for them since I got rid of all my french prudential furniture and the amores.
Hmmm…just thinking…if they’re small enough I could hang them from the bedazzled hoof-hooks I have…and if they’re large….damn…I’m really beginning to regret getting rid of that swingset….sigh…..
If only there was some sort of service you could hire that would send women (and possibly men) over and they would do all the housework for you.
Nah, that would never work.
You girls need to move to Utah.
“while I nag myself to go mow the lawn and take the trash out”
I KNEW you girls practiced!!
Of course we practice! What, you think that talent comes naturally?
The real difference between husbands and wives:
Somebody opens up the Tupperware cupboard and sees a big stack of Tupperware that have red stains and melt rings from repeated use with spaghetti and other red sauces.
A husband’s reaction:
“Oh good, we have plenty of Tupperware so there should be no problem finding a home for this crock of cheese soup.”
A wife’s reaction:
“Honey, we need to buy some Tupperware!” *Throws the stained stuff away because it’s ruined*
There you go
forksfolks.In my house:
*ACK! SPIDER! COME KILL IT*
LimeLolly: “Ok dear, I got it, you can come back in the room now.”
In our house it’s the occasional spider or black beetle that produces the shrieking that causes me to
wet myselfcome running into the room in a panic.We have a “bug cup” that apparently only I can operate :P.
That’s one of the reasond I have cats. By the time I find any creepy-crawly it has usually been turned into a less-creepy-no-longer-crawly.
My business partner’s wife did a ringtone for him.
Whenever she calls him, her voice says, “your phone is ringing” in a charming tone. As long as he doesn’t answer it, she becomes more and more strident until the end, where she is yelling at him to answer his damn phone.
The things we do for love. Surprises the hell out of me that he hasn’t deleted it yet…
A co-worker of mine has something similar but it’s her daughter saying “Mommy!” over and over, getting more insistent with each repetition.
Big Uncle John! Welcome back! 8)
Aw. You guys have phones where you can record your own ringtones?
Astro – what phone do you have? I’m pretty good at getting around standard barriers to making ringtones, I might be able to help you figure out a way.
From the life-imitates-art department, allow me to introduce you to Cupidtino. Yes, it’s an online dating service for Apple users and enthusiasts.
So yes, Virginia, there is an app for that.
I admit I’m intrigued – I’ve only ever owned Macs – but not so intrigued I’m clicking.
That’s a click too far.
Somewhat in the same vein, this just in from The Onion:
La la la la la la la la la I’m not listening…
Posted from my iPad.
Apple Geek : Looks at Ipad while babbling on and on and on to new friend on “Apple Friend Bar”
Ipad: Why are your lips still moving? I stopped listening an hour ago?
Apple Geek: blah, blah, blah…….
Anyone else think “Apple Friend Bar” sounds like one of those fancy granola bars they sell as health food?
Have friends you don’t actually like, or who you don’t want to hang out with anymore? Are they constantly dragging you into dead-end or uncomfortable conversations? Do you wish there was some way to make those friends leave you alone?
With Apple’s new Apple Friend Bar Maker© you can turn those old unwanted friends into fat burning nutrients!
That jock friend always boring you with updates on his lifting routine? No more! The Bar Maker turns him into an Apple Cinnamon Friend Bar with muscle building supplements!
Your shallow friend keep telling you about her Prada bag? No More! The Bar Maker turns her into an Apple Peach Friend Bar, complete with tote bag so you can hold more bars!
That creepy friend who wants the relationship starting to stalk you? No More! The Bar Maker turns him into Apple Mace Friend Defense Bar. Give it to your next attacker and watch him writhe in pain!
Yes, pick up the the Apple Friend Bar and start culling your unwanted friends, Today!
Product of Soylent Green Co.
O.M.G. Taco, that’s brilliant.
I clicked (I have this natural curiosity). I like how it’s supposedly “exclusive” for people with an Apple device. Considering all the people I see with iPhones on the T every day…yeah…real exclusive.
[Faux Elitism corey]Apple’s elitist image and social outcast collectivism does tend to fall apart under scrutiny. Nothing is more elite, edgy, and hardcore than believing a 45 year old mega-company who tells you their product will make you elite, edgy, and hardcore. Nothing says hardcore like Steve Jobs. Yessir, that’s sticking it to the man there!
It’s like those exclusive clubs that are open to everyone. You get all the illusory frills and feelings of self worth of a real exclusive club, while at the same time allowing you to maintain your position in the greater societal herd. You don’t risk being singled out by being unique, and at the same time you get perks that appear the same as actually being unique! Talk about an effort saver!
Sorta like naming your child Jaiden! Entirely a Win/Win solution to the dilemma of being unique!
[/corey]
*Froths at the mouth and goes in search of coffee*
:pats Taco on the head:
There, there – have some espresso. Coffee will make it all better. Let me pull up the white-noise generator app on my iPod Touch while I’m at it, that should help you to relax.
I missed the perfect opportunity to use the [Matt] tag.
[Matt]
It was totally insensitive of me to forget the [Matt] tag. I am extremely disappointed that I would miss such an opportunity, especially given my extreme Mattist activism. I think I should take a break to think about what I’ve done.
[/Matt]
Hmm, cannot decide if this needs a [matt] or [irony] tag, but,
Observed: Nothing quite so droll as the Conformity of Non-conformists.
And, no greater example of this than seeing the cliques of Japanese non-conformists in identical non-conformity. (Tho- in all fairness, the Japanese conformists tend to be in equal lock-step.)
Or how “Keep Austin Weird” only counts for certain, clearly-identifiable groups.
[/tag]
Is the chair doing the eating, or is Sparky selling a baby that is in the process of eating a chair?
Jinx! 8) GMTA, Anomalous.
indeed 🙂
LOL, I thought that too! Hi!
I thought it was a chair to sit in only while eating babies. I’m so confused!
“Ahh” bellowed Great King Hal. “I’m having the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells for dinner. Bring me my baby-eating throne and the less opulent baby-eating chair for the Bishop.”
You don’t have any children do you, Anomalous?
No?
Then I’ll skip breakfast.
What do you think happens when you put teenagers in it? Astro?? I think it might be a race. It is a “chair eat kid world” out there.
Are you asking me what happens or saying that I am what happens?
Babby goats? Where did the babby goats come from?
Ebrybody knos kids go onna spit, not a char!
If you put them on a spit, don’t they then become charred?
Everyone beat me to this one today.
Imma go
get eaten byeat breakfast.What if the first ad is actually selling videos of their child eating a chair? Nom nom nom burp insane giggling.
Dang Windy, you beat me to that one =P.
I wonder what tastes better…French prudential or French preventional?
If they switch to couches the snakes would add a chicken like flavor…
This could lead to a new food channel program, “Iron chef furnished”
If they add babby seals to the menu, I’d definitely watch this show.
As cooks or as the secret ingredient?
Um…. I pick.. ummm… BOTH.
There might be laws against that.
There are laws against babby seals cooking themselves on TV?
That seems strangely specific.
Only in California, Massachuesetts, and a couple other states.
… leafs through the Kama Sutra.
Thinks: “I’m sure I read about that toddler position in here somewhere.”
*Pictures two people having sex with diapers on.*
*Puts the Brain Bleach© on to boil*
Waaaay too early for that, Taco! And I’ve been up for 4 hours already. *shudders* Please pass the bleach!
I think it’s on page 417.
I mean….I don’t know what you’re talking about.
:tries to look innocent:
Oh, the Toddler Position. That’s for when you’re practicing
TantricTantrumic sex.I’d think that would be pretty Tantraumic.
For a long time (back in my younger, more innocent years), I thought tantric was a form of adult temper tantrum… and I couldn’t figure out how that was supposed to be different from a child’s temper tantrum.
And how was that supposed to work in the bedroom??
Did it mean you kicked the bedframe? Got put in the time-out corner? Anyway, I’m sure I’m not the only one who wondered that.
The only thing I know about tantra is that Sting practices it…and, well, frankly that’s enough for me.
I may have actually meant Tantraumatic.
LimeLolly, your misapprehension reminds me of when I was rather younger and thought a “social disease” was like poverty or the issue of school dropouts.
Mmmmmm Sting… If he wants to kick the bedframe and stand in the time out corner in my room he’s welcome anytime.
I mean…um… Hi! What are you all doing here? Why are you looking at me like that?
Quit staring!!!
I wasn’t staring, I was drooling.
Astro! Run!
I remember a great 80s band with a singer/ bassist named Sting. I wonder how the new lame Sting guy is getting away with using that guy’s name.
Easy, Bianchi, he’s got the law on his side…..
This Sting talk would be a great time for my mom to start commenting. I know she’s out there, reading. *waves to Mom* Love you!
*Waves to Bridgete’s mom*
Hi Bridgete’s mom! We’re not doing anything down here, honest!
*Whispers to the YSaC commenters hiding behind the sofa* “Quick, turn the interocitor off in case she comes down!”
Argack! My hands are still stuck to the magnetic grips in the pressure-conversion tube–and the Mutant is getting to 3rd base with Ruth!!
Yeah, but full time? I mean, with the whole Kama Sutra, I’d expect some variety.
That would be the chapter titled “The Twining Ivy and the Bashful Hedgehog”, pages 768-815.
If You Give A Mouse Some Nookie?
That would be the children’s picture-book version, now banned in fifty-one states. (Alabama banned it twice.)
Lunch today:
Man eating taco.
Didn’t Hall and Oates do a tune about that?
Oh here he comes
Watch out taco, he’ll chew you up
Oh here he comes
He’s a taco eater
Somehow LRC… you’ve managed to make that song sound dirtier than the original verses.
Bravo.
I aim to please, LL! 😉
The term “Man eating taco” suddenly has a very disturbing mental image associated with it.
Don’t think about it too hard or you’ll need the brain bleach.
I’m not sure it’s disturbing, per se.
My first thought when Taco said it was Ron Jeremy, not Hall and Oates…
Oooh! What if the first one is the long-forgotten and previously believed lost Picasso original “Baby Eating Chair”? Score!
Was that before or after his more famous “Carnivorous Tables” period?
Before “Carnivorous Tables” but after “Nibbling Wall Sconces”.
Yes, and I believe “Hanging Carcasses” was somewhere in the middle, wasn’t it?
Before “Carnivorous Tables” but after “Nibbling Wall Sconces”.
Weren’t those written by the brothers Grimm?
[Matt] Those lousy Grimm brothers wrote nothing! They just took all the oral folklore they could scrounge up and put their names to it. Those fame seeking thiefs! [/Matt]
I totally wrote thiefs instead of thieves on purpose. To show my righteous Matt anger or something.
It’s spelled “Theefs”.
ail neber speel az whell az u, tah-co
Yeah – ‘Hanging Carcasses’ took place during his ‘Swing Set’ period. Mr. and Mrs. Picasso both were swingers, and they both had sets that swung.
What??
I think Full-Time Toddler Position is just what yesterday’s Sparky was looking for: ah to be rich, literally spoon-fed, and to have your bum wiped for you. He could toddle down the steps as Mummy & Daddy snap photos of him. Or Jeeves. Or Nanny. Whoever.
HAHA! Nice potato head, K!
Thank you. I had help from professional toddlers.
How much to rent them out?
What?
Why do you want to rent toddlers? I would have paid you to take my girls when they were toddlers.
Dunno, Astro. If you weren’t on the other coast I would let you watch them while I
hang out onlinerun errands. Which would be me paying you, like Kelli said.I think he’s getting rid of the iPad AND his wife. He’s strictly a Blackberry kinda guy.
Or he prefers the new Evo.
I love that video. (If you are referring to the iphone4 vs evo video with the cartoon bears talking in the mac voices, that is)
One of the ads generated at the upper right is:
Not inside for long, if they work as intended …
I’m getting:
What’s so bad about a nail-biting doctor? If they do it on their own time, why should the patients care?
Yes, but I keep getting ads related to nail-biting. It makes no sense! Well, now it kind of does, because of all the times we’ve used nail-biting now, but it didn’t when I first noticed the ad.
Astro, let me look at your fingers.
*Tsk Tsk Tsk*
You haven’t bitten ANY of these lately.
I was getting ads for local gay bars o.O
Oh, good. I thought it was just me.
I was getting those yesterday. Could it be that the program which chooses ads can interpret euphemisms?
I hope not–that just means we’re one step nearer the robot apocalypse.
And we’re back to cylons.
Now it’s asking me “Does your child bite?”
That could actually be a valid question. My parents had to teach my sister that it’s not okay to bite your older brother (me) when he refuses to change the channel to Barney.
Now I’ve got “Stop Children Nail Biting.”
So they want you to wait until the nails mature to adults to bite them?
Thanks to Astro I’m now getting ads for babysitters. Yay!*
*Yes, please come sit on them. They keep jumping on me during my nap time.
I’m getting Stop Biting Nails. I would, but how would I get my rda of iron?
Good for you, Astro, for standing up for moral television in America!
Erm, you know, for some definitions of the word “moral.” I know you’re a teenage boy, soooo…..
Somehow I don’t think Dr. House, Jamie Hyneman, or Howard Wolowitz set the best moral examples. I think Jeff Probst sets a fairly good example, although Russel Hantz did get arrested for assault this past April…
I think Mr. Hyneman is a fine moral example. Anyone who can keep a white shirt spotless in his line of work is worthy of respect.
That, and Adam Savage is something of a morel example at times.
drmk: Is Bad Title a Doctor Who reference?
We can hope so.
Or we can think it’s a JJ Abrams…. “Bad robot!”
I’ll hope that too.
Now we just need some polar bears.
If the iPad has a wife, does that mean it’s capable of reproducing? ‘Cause I think you could make some money raising bouncing baby iPads and selling them on Craigslist. Assuming that’s even legal.
“Baby iPads” sounds like some sort of miniature diaper.
Lina Medina might have needed a baby iPad.
Baby iPads are what a pirate children wear.
I don’t think you be selling babby iPads so much as iPod Nanos. Once you get them to level 36 they’ll evolve.
And then they’ll rebel and have a Plan. Eeep!
Sounds like it’s time to break out the flamethrower.
Not another Plan! Does this one involve god, sex, killing and a whole lot of crying?
No, but it might involve pasta, swingsets, and a whole lot of shaving cream.
Don’t you need a 40 gig flash chip in order to evolve a Nano into an Ipad?
*Pulls out his players’ guide*
Huh, they also need a complete Beastie Boys discology…
Can the plan involve an evil man and a not-too-goth girl who made him VERY ANGRY?
I think somebody is re-reading all the priors today. I wonder who it could be.
Well, I went to take another look at the original Corey post, and then I clicked on the deolpemate unintelligible ad, and then I just started reading, and… yeah. The old ads, and their comments, are still funny months later. Some are even more funny, since I get more of the references.
Terrible job, but someone has to do it. ; )
Astro: I know! If you have time on your hands (and sometimes if you don’t) that’s almost as bad of a trap as tvtropes!
And, then. Lever 37, is Replicators?
Some one call the Asgard!*
_____________
*My U, up the street, has been quietly and steadily building a very impressive Physics department (the kind of one which is “upside down,” 3x grad students to undergrads). Anywho, was chatting about SF around the table at the bar one night, and “are they out there” was broached. To which was opined: “What if we are the ‘Ancients’ ?”
Interesting proposal. I’m assuming you mean Ancients as in Stargate?
Any of the “beforetime” peoples/beings.
Would explain why no one is much answering the “hello?”, if they have not yet built radios or the like.
Or that, maybe, only having two Great Ages of animal life is really rare.
Spooky enough that there is evidence for more than one planetary Tree of Life right here on our planet.
Physics of the singularities closer to galactic centers seems to be more inimical to life, what with gamma and x-ray bursts on a regular basis and all. So, maybe life only takes root out in the ends of of galactic arms/quadrants. Other side of the galaxy in a long, long, long, long, long way away, even at C.
This before dealing with the ordinary physics at the edge of the gravity well of our own system. Hard to tell. Ask after the Apinox in December 2012.
Capn, What does the 42nd lever do?
It would, obviously [g], be the perfect lever of the Life, the Universe, and Everything. Y’know, 5 x 9 and all that.
**presents Cap’n with an award for the most gratuitous use of the word Belgium in a serious screenplay**
Keep it safe from the Krikkiters, Cap’n.
This reminds me of the crucial difference one single comma can make:
Let’s eat Grandma!
vs.
Let’s eat, Grandma!
Or the reverse of Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. Gotta love those mobster pandas.
I love that book! I also have one called Comma Sutra. Both are equally funny…well, funny to a grammar nerd like me.
Ooo. I shall have to look up Comma Sutra. Thanks for the recommendation!
Grammar nerds unite. Oh, wait … at this site, we have.
And that, Lola, is why I feel so at home here.
AHahaha. My husband told that joke to his younger sister, and it took her about half an hour and several people laughing at her before she figured out why it was so funny :-p
We’ll just say that’s Grandpa’s job.
And leave it at that.
p.s. brain bleach is right over there
Naughty, naughty cat.
Reminds me of a joke –
A professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”
Or:
Wo man, without Herman is nothing (to do).
Or the headline:
Tiger Woods Hits Three Fans With His Balls.
Instead of:
Tiger Woods Hits Three Fans, With His Balls.
Wait… what?
He’s hit a hellofalot more then three with them.
🙂
Oh, also, something relevant to yesterday’s Corey discussion: I’ve managed to find, through the twitter link on his original post, his website:
http://www.tacticaltechnique.com/
He doesn’t seem as anally-retentive on his own blog, but he still doesn’t have a sense of humor.
Oh, my. Did you see the “Why your CL ad has been flagged” flow chart?
Way back when during my senior year of high school, my best friend’s brother sounded a lot like Corey. He was 25. He had yet to know a woman in the biblical sense.
I think even Sting throwing a tantrum in the corner could help Corey relax. Just sayin’.
Edited to add a YAY! because my new Gravatar showed up w/no hassles!
Not only is there a distinct lack of humor in that flowchart, there is also a distinct lack of warmth or personal connection. In fact, it appears to have negative humor such that it will nullify any humor you attempt to bring with you.
And I *cringed* at his use of “less” where the proper word would be “fewer.” I could wish that someone of such a serious bent would at least know the proper word to use in “…post _____ ads in rapid succession…”
**My inner grammar nerd LOVES you all.
He’s the black hole of humor and possibly a robot. (Or a cylon, I never watched Battlestar Galactica so I don’t know if there’s a difference.)
There’s almost a difference. If that helps.
I wonder what he would think were he to be notified that he’s become a tag/meme.
Never mind, I bet it’d be boring as heck.
Taco’s right. But you should watch it because it’s good.
EDIT: The new one. I have not watched the old one, but I hear it is….less good.
The old one is full of 70’s cheese and schlock. The cyclons are far less evolved.
But, it did create a number of things (some off the cult-following boards, too) with which Glen Larson laced the current, grittier version.
And, frankly, Caprica takes it a cool step further (and continuing a trend by having Eric Stoltz, and Easi Morales, and made Alessandra Torresani middling famous).
Fr*k the Toasters! {G}
Yes, and I keep meaning to watch the old one, in order to better appreciate the new one, but haven’t got to it, yet.
I hear really good things about Caprica, and I liked the pilot, but, again, haven’t gotten around to watching the show. It’s on the list.
[corey corey]I think I know this guy actually, or at least his clone/doppleganger. There was a guy who lived three doors down from me in the dorm sophomore year. His life was coding. He coded for “fun”, he coded for work, he coded when he was bored, he talked about coding when he wasn’t coding, and if you told him a joke that didn’t involve coding, he didn’t get it. The only thing we could ever get him to do that wasn’t coding, was playing Counter Strike. And even then, he spent most of the round after he died coding AI for new bots and writing code for better game moderation. *Headdesk*
Suffice to say, he liked to code and not much else; his sense of humor was severely atrophied. This just happens to be something I recognize in corey’s blog.
That flowchart alone shows that corey really shouldn’t have wandered over to YSaC, let along the comments section. He was never prepared to think of Craigslist as a source of potential humor let alone attempt to be humorous himself. [/corey]
Surely you mean deolpemate, not doppelganger?
Touché young Padawan.
[corey]Astro, the boat maker Sportscraft named the style line in question as “Diplomat”
There seems to be an appreciable chunk of the owners who pronounce all the vowels “long” to render it as “DEEP Lo Mate” or “DEE PLO mate”, and not, as most of us here would as some form of “deh PLough matt”
We add in CL speeling with ignorant enunciation, and we get YSaC mirth and jocularity.
[/corey]
Holy Christmas trees, that is one dull man.
I am strongly reminded of Dr Sheldon Cooper, but even more so.
He’s kinda like Ben Stein, but without the dry sarcasm.
Damn, now I wanna watch re-runs of “Win Ben Stein’s Money.”
The sarcasm is what makes Ben Stein entertaining. Without it, he’s the science teacher from the “Wonder Years,” except for real.
You mean “without it, he’s corey” I think.
But Sheldon’s funny with his… whatever you’d call it. Corey’s not making me laugh on his website.
That’s true; Sheldon is funny. In my dreams the series finale will have Penny realize that Sheldon is the man for her.
Technically he’s already gotten to second base with her, so it is possible. Not very likely, sad to say, but possible.
[semi-spoiler]
Yes, but there’s that chick from the season finale. Who, I say, he will promptly become fed up with, realizing that he finds himself annoying, sans… I think Seinfeld or something…
[/semi-spoiler]
My blog is nothing but me babbling about my life, with the occasional rant, and I’d still venture to say it’s more interesting than his.
Speaking of your blog… shouldn’t somebody be studying for the Bar,
*Puts hands on hips*
Young Lady?
I think he’s serious, Bridgete – he has the Church Lady dress on.
No, wait – that just means it’s Thursday.
*sigh* Yes, I should. Off I go.
Sorry guys, in the light of day I’m actually Captain Buzzkill.
I now have an idea for a comic book, albeit a bad one: The Adventures of Captain Buzzkill and Pedanticles
Wouldn’t those be TelePedanticles?
“The Adventures of Captain Buzzkill and Pedanticles”
I’m now re-imagining “Bluntman and Chronic” with an academic bent …
[nerd corey]Thursday also means new Futurama!
Woohoo!
(Also semi-new Good Eats)
New Eureka tomorrow, too!
[/corey]
Oh Gods, this guy is TOTALLY the guy I went to school with (let’s call him P.Yogurt).
THIS is his idea of what is funny.
My GOD! It’s like the day that P.Yogurt called the entire floor into his room to show us something “Totally Hilarious.” What was it? Google had a parsing error that made it mistake ASCII code for the actual character. Seriously. He then wrote Google a 2 page complaint about it and provided them with alternate code.
Nobody knew what to say.
Then again, a friend gave me Sagan’s Billions and Billions and the first chapter had me rolling. My friend looked at me funny.
Edited to add: A sagan is (humorously) apparently a unit of measurement equal to at least four billion.
How many cubic knives are in a Saganic cubic knife?
Didn’t Salman Rushdie write something about Saganic knives?
Versus! spoiled again…
Moira got a new avvie! She appears to be winking at me.
Get a room, you two.
Stalkity stalk stalk
Yes, gravatar achieved so I could unlock the “stalker” pet.
From a webcomic that I recently found and fell in love with.
So if it’s a sagan, *dramatic anime music* “IT’S OVER 4 BILLION!!”?
AhA! I thought it was Brat-Halla! Love that strip, just haven’t been reading many lately. Very funny stuff.
I think I’d like the toddler position. It comes with naps doesn’t it? And plenty of finger painting and playdoh? Is snack time included?
Yeah but no coffee or beer
I don’t drink either so I think I could handle it.
So it’s BYOM? Bring your own milk?
BYOJ – Bring Your Own Juice. Although if you leave apple juice in a forgotten sippy cup long enough it will ferment and become an adult beverage.
A semi-drunken toddler is not as funny as you would think.
If you try to smuggle beer in a babby bottle* it makes a big mess…
*Don’t ask
But if said toddler is an extended nurser, would they be able to BYOB (Bring Your Own Boobs)?
(Wow, I’m feeling commenty today…. I think I’m trying to escape my life of a non-starting car and not really knowing how I’m getting home from work…. :-p)
Well, if you bring your own boobs I’ll give you a jump*
*Not like that
Yes. At snacktime you get play-doh.
With a side of paste?
And crayons.
Don’t forget paper.
“At snacktime you get play-doh”
Isn’t that what toddler Homer Simpson said when he found some kitty-rocca in the sand box?
I demand cookies.
I would not mind a free iPad.
However, I just checked, I can only get 4g coverage.
And, it’s just not worth the hassle to try and re-up-cycle a 3gWIFE
And, I have quite enough legacy tech around the house without
adding a spouse (virtual or real) to the combination.
So for you, it’d be like spending $999 for an app that’s just a picture of a gem? Not worth it. 🙂
Can you trade her in for two 1 1/2gWIVES?
Only if they are compatible with either a Win98 laptop or the guts to a Win2000 microtower [G]
What else would they be compatible with?
They do only come on 5 1/4″ floppies though…
I thought it was illegal to have more than one WIFE installed, except in Utah*?
*To any Mormons out there: It’s a joke. Get over it.
Yeah, I suppose…Look at what happened to David Koresh.
No, there’s an ap for that, Divorce 1.o–used by many, often to some great good.
(Larry King busting the curve mightily.)
I hate those toddlers. Sure they scream for me and seem all happy at first. Then they totally forget about me and go play in the Playplace. I don’t even want to tell you where they put my toys.
It’s not the kids putting them there.
It’s us parents trying to hide those obnoxious, noisy things. I about lost my dang mind when the Chippettes were part of the meal. I still hear that squeaky, mechanical giggle. :shudder:
Sorry, Hap, BK’s still the frontrunner what with The Simpson’s talking watch series. Still have a Homer around here somewhere… if only it said “…mmmm, Taco…”
Or perhaps that should read:
[fast-food corey] Sorry, Hap, BK’s still the frontrunner what with The Simpson’s talking watch series. Still have a Homer around here somewhere… if only it said “…mmmm, Taco…”[/fast-food corey]
[avatar corey] This avatar is actually a picture constructed from a BK kids meal [/corey]
EDIT* This was supposed to be under abwh’s BK comment, but I screwed up.
No wonder you’re not happy …
Doh!! My error. Elebenty pardons! It is, after all, right in front of me…Not.A.Happy…
*you dummy! I told you not to go that doctor again!*
I suggest you see Ten. He certainly made me feel great.
Somehow I don’t think ab wants the same kind of treatment
you fantasized aboutyou’re probably talking about.I agree with Kelli 😉
Oh well, Astro, you know beggars can’t be choosers. I guess ab’s just going to have to deal with whatever we give him.
Laurel and Kell may share my slot. I’m too spent for rasslin’… it was physical therapy we’re disscussing, no?
Can’t see out of the one eye, blind in the other and can’t speel worth a hill-o-beans either. Roughish day…
Dang it, I thought we got out of that odd, competing-ugly day thing?
After all, misery needs, nay requires, company–just as shared joy is increased, share misery is decreased. Just coordinating all this comfort and well wishing can be as confusing as Daleks rusting in tidepools.
Sounds like you need a shoulder parrot and a piratin’ hat, the better you can just answer “Arrggh!” to intrusive questions.
Arrrgh! Chagrin has company . My pirate bird; a budgie with a scowl? Avast scurvy afflicted! Ye’ve a shipmate… the bilge needs further souring!
Daleks Rusting in Tidepools… hmmm… in any combination… band name?
I’d say yes, but I need an oil can.
Ab, we clearly need to get you a bottle or twain of Worry-B-Gone and work on your patois navalle.
Once you are better, I have the Vogon Guide to Success by Better Shouting (without much poetry at all)
Although sloth and ennui are abundant, a proper dispensing of glögg (albeit inappropriate weather) and a day at least of The Guide will suit indeed.
Oooh! New page on the website!
THE website? Is that related to THE table?
Yes. Sort of. After all, what other site but good ol’ YSaC is worthy of being called THE website?
The definite article, you might say.
Hooray! Lucy’s in the box! Er, I mean Innana! Back in a jiffy to punch.
Okay, Innana, Punchity Punch Punch for you! Oh, sorry about the helmet!
G’Night, Utah!
Utah says g’night, Windrose!
Hmmm, must be Late Start Friday. Guess I’ll go look at the 8 suckiest ads, and hope the site updates in the next 10 minutes.
I’ve already done that. Whaaaaaa!!! I need new post!!!!!
*Froths at the mouth*
*Chomps at the bit*
*Picks up handbook of cliché colloquialisms and searches for more ways to say he’s impatient and ready to go.*
Waiting…waiting…
Must. Use. Snark. Soon.
*hands out tea and breakfast pastries* Hang on, almost there!
If I don’t make it, will someone snark in my name? I can’t wait much longer. . . sigh.
Hmmm… the first one actually hit me at first as a baby, eating a chair.
I mean, that’s pretty heartless. Eating chairs is kinda weird, sure, but I can’t imagine that being enough to want to sell my baby (and on Craigslist, no less…).
It’s not a chair that eats babies, it’s a chair to sit in whilst you eat babies. Easy to clean and leaves noDNA evidence behind.