YSaC, Vol. 718: Stop! Blurry washer time!
Items For Sale
Hello, We have some great items for sale at great prices, second hand items, a variety to choose from all in good condition, must inquire within, please email- ###@#####.com or you can call (###) ###-####
How are we supposed to “inquire within” if it’s on the internet? I tried taking the back off of my router, but all that was in there was cat hair.
Secondly, which of these poorly focused blobs is actually for sale? The yellowish blender-y looking object? The wicker basketesque blob? The blue thing in the first picture? What IS that blue thing?
A final thing to love about this is that Salvador Dali was apparently hired to stage the first picture. How else to explain the flying hammer? Now all we need is a bucket of water and a few cats.
Thanks for the items, David!
That blue thing could be a bicycle pump?
Seriously, though, these all look like great items at great prices, so I’m going to go inquire within.
Maybe Sparky means the more spiritual “Inquire within yourself and ask, “Can I live without these material possessions that may or may not be what I think they are?””
I think the blue thing is a bike. Here is my $1.
No, no, they’re not blurry. He smeared Vaseline on the lens to give his photos that soft, romantic look. And so his reflectoporn shots* would look that much sexier.
*Mercifully not pictured.
Sparky is really selling a special camera. It is the “Expressionist VI LD (low density),manufactured by FTW Corporation. It has a huge market for CL posters.
Of course! To take pictures for all listings that will later be tagged as “unclear on concept” by the Llamanun and the Ostrimu!
It’s all clear as mud now!
Your Dalí image link seems to be broken, Dan. Maybe try this one instead?
Fixed, thanks!
What’s that blue thing… DOING here….?
Inquire within could be from Weird Al’s newish song, Craigslist(you all must download right now)-he goes on and on about asking yourself if you want his styrofoam peanuts. Inquire within yourself to see whether you want to buy some random, unidentifiable crap.
Please, blurry blue thing, don’t hurt ’em.
What bad luck! Every time Sparky clicked the camera, there was an earthquake.
Today’s special YSaC game, what do YOU think the blurry blue thing is? To me, it looks like one of those level things, or a T-square, something tool-like. I bet they bought it off of CL for $1.
I think the blurry blue thing is drapery hardware, still in the package– the white bits going down are the curtain rods, the uppermost rectangular blue thing is the label and the lower one the instructions.
Mind you, I do have to hang 7 replacement mini-blinds today, so it’s possible I’m projecting. It’s like the home improvement version of Rorschach testing!
It’s a giant blue nail, hence the hammer!
I think that drapery entry is a very real possibility. I am voting for door weather stripping still in its wrapping.
Pretty sure it’s a T-square with a level, but that’s not a fun answer…let’s see…a not.a.lion tamer’s whip? How about a do-it-yourself home exorcism kit? Could it possibly be the elusive Lacawates Valtrus Suka (or however it was spelled)?
For not.a.fun.answer, it looks a little like a scraper for paint or something to me.
For fun…I dunno…um…
*drinks coffee*
I think perhaps we have finally discovered what a misjay is.
I looked at this, blinked twice, went and had some coffee…and it was still blurry. I thought I had way to much of Lola’s Appletini mixture last night.*whew*
P.S.
The BBT’s = band name! (The Blurry Blue Things)
P.P.S.
BOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGY
I’ll take my flask back now, HamCan. You’re welcome. 8)
Here ya go, thanks!… all refilled refilled with Le Voyage de Delamain.
Enjoy!
I usually save cognac for winter, but … this is too good to keep around long. Merci!
Vous êtes la dame bienvenue, belle
Yeah, and “The B-B-T’s” just alone “works” for a band name, too–especially the whole “only TruFans really know what it stands for” snob thing, too.
Maybe by “second hand” he means stolen, and the blurriness is an attempt to hide the true identity of the objects. I wanted to inquire within, but I can’t fit through the crack at the edge of my laptop. I’m not sure I want to go “within” Craigslist, anyway… it seems like a scary, blurry place.
I tried to find some way into the modem so I could inquire within, but alas, those internal wireless modems are just too small.
Of couse you can’t just walk into Craigslist today, they’re closed for the holiday. They’ll be open again tomorrow at 8am SST (sparky standard time).
I’ve had all day (and until 8 tomorrow) to muster up the courage to enter the within of Craigslist. My neighbor said I could borrow her misjay to ride to within, and I’ve gathered up enough vintage cereal that I think I can make a decent offer for the flying hammer. I think it’s a two-seater misjay, so if anyone wants a ride, let me know…
does it come with bees though? I’m not sure I’m interested if there’s no bees.
The third picture looks like the mixer my mom hand and loved (missing most of the parts).
I cleaned my glasses twice. I still can’t quite tell….
Is this the inventory for the ‘I think’ Sparky?
So that’s where my blender went. No, wait, that’s not mine … mine has the top and lid, and is therefore useful.
Excellent! I think we broke all the other blenders this weekend. Can we continue the party at your place, Lola?
Sure … I’ll just put the earplugs back in so that the molecules of air crashing together are not so loud. I’m, surprisingly, not actually hung over, just really, really tired. Stayed up ’til the sun came up …
This is why I drink champagne. No appliances are maimed or killed during the imbibing process. And the cork pop is like Fourth of July EVERY day!
Agreed – but it doesn’t travel well if you have to go the flask route. Other than that … pour away!
Nor does it travel in an ice chest. This has come to be known in the Eyebrow household as a “Mom Incident.”
Well, at my house, it’s the shaker of salt that gets lost, not the blender
(“Save the Blender, Save the Universe!)
Have a door, Capn! Any comment that can seamlessly blend Buffett and Heroes deserves at least elebenty!!+1!
Well, with all due apologies to Moe Bandy, it has been a case of “Jimmy Buffett, You Wrote My Life.”
In a Pirate Road Goes on Forever sort of Wave on Wave in the Barlight, Bar Bright, been run over by the Wagon Wheel sort of way.
Don’t worry Lola, I’ll go get some plywood and ducktape. We’ll have that blender up and running in no time.
Hey, I grew up with that blender!
Oh weird, joining the forums put my whole name in here. Lemme fix that…
[Fixed – The Management]
By joining I meant logging in…
Need coffee…
Yes, I realize it’s almost 1 pm. I was up late.
*hands Bridgete a slice of the good stuff*
Oh, thank you so much.
I understand your pain Bridgete–I was up late celebrating, then I couldn’t sleep because I was jacked up on an energy drink, then I woke up in the middle of the night with leg pains, and when I finally got up, the first thing I did was go to the gym with the rest of the family. I’m seriously contemplating going back to bed.
I was up late, too. Left the casa circa 2300 and got back at a middling-reasonable 0810. To crash a bit after feeding the starving cat. About normal for my Sumdays of late.
Thanks Management!
oh I’ve got to have a “blue thing”! it will go so well with that “red thing” I’ve got over in the corner.
OT: I took some pictures of the Boston fireworks. Thought I’d share.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bridgetem/sets/72157624238854095/
There are some fireworks from prior years in the same album. All the ones from yesterday are entitled with yesterday’s date (creative, I know).
Wow Bridget! Excellent photography skills, and might I commend you for not employing the blurry lens effect which seems to be the newest trend. Way to take the road less traveled!
Thanks Archie! (PS: Don’t forget the E at the end of my name. :))
*runs into YSaC room*
*slaps an “e” on Bridgete*
*laughs hysterically*
*skips out of room*
I have 25 more letters in my pocket. Who wants a personal delivery? Bwuahahaha!
I should probably have some more coffee before I make any deliveries. Wouldn’t do to get the letters mixed up. It might look like something you would find on Craigslist.
I will take all the Pt’s and Au’s you can dig up.
I’m not sure you need more coffee…you seem pretty energized to me.
I deliver only single letters at a time. If I carried more than that, I’d have to put down my champagne bottle. Plus, I’d be keeping those two combinations ’cause they are nice and shiny and make beautiful jewelry!
Would you take an abundance of “e” in trade for an “a”? There was an HR error at work that dredged up a ten year old paper work mistake so I am known as Christine. It drives me nuts, I’m very protective of my third syllable.
Can I buy a vowel?
You are in luck, christina, the “a” has not been requested yet and it is all yours!
*whips out industrial-sized eraser, removes offensive “e” and
uses a minty piece of chewing gum to affix “a” in the proper place*
HamCan, I have three vowels left, and you may take one for free. Which one would you prefer:
Ham-i-Can
Ham-o-Can*
Ham-u-Can
*my favorite due to my Irish roots, so it would be Ham O’Can.
no Y?
Hamy Can 😀
That goes without saying. 🙂
Quite stunning! I especially enjoyed the red-colliding-dual-galaxies-that-are-semi-off-axis-and-merely-hint-at-a-possible-future-for-our-own-Milky-Way-in-the-not-too-distant-future shot. Ahem… gotta ease down on the caffeine consumption. I’ll wait quietly out-of-frame.
perhaps a short lie down?
I’ll fetch you a pillow
A looooooooooooooong one.
Haha…I THINK I know which one you’re talking about. If I’m right…I like that one too.
WOW! Those shots are ah-mazing, Bridgete! I took 200 pictures last night and only about four turned out well. 🙁 I’m so jealous of your skillz.
OOooooh very nice! Much better than the pictures I try to take. I watched a little bit of it on TV
The green and pink ones at the bottom reminds me a bit of sea anemone
I finally got a chance to look at the fire works and WOW! Fantastic pictures, Bridgete(with the unforgettable E)!
“Hello, We have some great items for sale at great prices, second hand items at second hand prices, a variety to choose from all at a variety of prices, inquire within – within my eyes, look deep into my eyes and you will want them. You are entranced while looking within – come closer and let me bite your nec….”
OMG! Vampires! Where’s my garlic!? Where’s my stake? What do you mean we ate the steak? – not that kind of steak, stupid…. Aarrrgh – Vamp…
I think this guy might not want you to kill the vamp…
Some woman in Colorado blamed her 27 June car crash on a vampire.
No way, Grampdaddy, I’ve seen this trick before, I’m not going to do it, you can’t hyp…
ALL HAIL HYPNO GRAMPDADDY!!!
Fennic fox revisted: http://dailysquee.com/2010/07/05/cute-baby-animals-video-fennec-fox-squees-for-a-cheeto/
Cannot believe how cute this is.
Noooooooooo! I opened the video at the precise moment that a “Pet Cremation With Dignity” ad plastered itself at the bottom of the screen. Instantly neutralized all level of cuteness.
I really want the flying hammer. It will go well with my swimming monkey wrench, my singing saw, my walking file and my sonic screwdriver.
So that’s where it went! I’ve been looking everywhere for that.
You left it during
the torridthe totally innocent weekend we spent togetherin my bedroomat the very innocent place. Anyway, it’s mine now.Ha! I would never have left it behind, but then I wouldn’t be chasing around the universe after anything in a skirt, or out of one.
She’s blonde isn’t she? *sigh* It’s always the blondes.
Yes, I am blonde, but he was the one in and out of the skirt*.
*Don’t judge me, he’s got really nice legs.
I think you’re supposed to enquire within so that Sparky can get you into his abode, strike you on the noggin with the blurry hammer, slice off your head with the blurry t-square for display in the blurry basket, put your liver in the blurry blender (whose pitcher is currently being washed from the spleen smoothie he made having lured others in by promises of no-touch sex,) and stuff the rest of your body into the blurry washing machine.
But that’s just MY theory. I’m sure he’s actually a very nice man who’s just trying to sell this stuff so he can afford his Parkinson’s medication so he can hold the camera steady for his career as a fashion photographer.
Is this theory yours? One which, you came up with, yourself, Which is to say it is yours?
Can we call you “Ms. Elk”? As “Kae Elk, brackets ‘Miss’ brackets” is a mouthful, and not one which is very narrow at one end, then gets much bigger, to be very narrow at the other end, and all.
I think my head may have just caved in from reading that.
The Cap’n often has that effect on people.
I can picture the scene in my mind, although it is a little out of focus.
“Welcome to Sparky’s Blurry Crap Emporium! How can I help you?”
“Um hi, I wanted to inquire about the things. And the stuff. I’ve been looking all over for a variety of second hand things at great prices and I was told you were the best place in [location] to go.”
“Yes we are! Come on in! Would you like a hammer? How about a secondhand Blur-pool washer? Maybe a set of coffee mugs? You could brong them home in this wicker basket!”
Blur-pool is the funniest thing I’ve read all day!
Sparky’s Blurry Crap Emporium
WIN!
Looked again, that is a drywall square still in the packaging next to the hammer.
[tool corey] Not very sharp, stout edges since a utility knife is to be hacked against them. “Square” part up top is not very big, either, you need a good eye (even with sweat dripping in) to be sure of the squareness.[/corey]
Under the basket, is that the mike cord to a CB radio?
Could those cermaics[sic] be lost shakers of salt?
Hey, the ads are back! I had one for a storage otterman. 8)
From an English perspective, the blurriness adds so much character to these objects. It’s all in the focus, don’t you see? Try squinting at these things and enrich your existences!
And why do you people want to know so much about what something looks like, or even what it actually is (in this sphere of existence anyway) before you buy it?
Purchase and enjoy, my children! It keeps the free market economy sane and healthy!
Hi, Graham! Glad you came back, per my invitation. Do it as often as you like.
So, in your food shop, does this mean you have blurred representations of the pastries and rolls and so forth? I mean, regardless of what it looks like, your punters are just going to complain anyway, from what you’ve mentioned. Maybe that’s Sparky’s philosophy, here.
I had to come back didn’t I, Lola? Because I did. We don’t have pictures in the shop, it’s the real stuff that’s blurry.
mmm, blurry buns.
no, one second thought, that came out wrong…
You’ll need to check with Taco about this tomorrow – I believe he is the only one licensed to deal with blurry buns as a result of Tacosplodes. Or perhaps he’ll be willing to turn the other cheek – it’s his “good side”.
ooohhhhh. its a half a blender. shoot. i already have that half. what about that washer-dryer whatever, is that for sale?
i think i see jeebus in the piece of wood. it IS a piece of wood….
Think you’re right about jeebus – got nailed. Explains the hammer.
The washer is so you have something to do with your clothespins when you aren’t making clothespin jeebuses.
Gee, I hope I wasn’t supposed to update the Don’t Suck box today. Guess I’ll just give Lola another Puchity punch punch!
G’night, Boston!
Ow! I mean, thanks! And as regards this honor, I’ll thank the SNL staff for reminding me not to taunt happy fun seemingly-inanimate objects, or anything made by Wham-O, really.
Ack, did I forget? D’oh. I’m in the middle of writing two articles and a book proposal. Sorry.
Hey, I can take one* for the team, or the Llama-Nun, if necessary.
*Extra Windrose punch, only.
Maybe choose two for today, if you haven’t already, to make up?
I think I’m gonna call the Oxford English Dictionary people and ask them to print this picture instead of any text as the definition of lazyness in the next edition.
To answer dan’s question, I think the blue thing is a metal ruler *weird Terminator-Hitler-mashup pops up in front my mind* in original package, mint condition = high collector value
Sorry, meant to say “print this ad” not “print this picture” in the 1st sentence. Also, the “front” in the 2nd sentence is to be thought of as nonexistant.