Cock Machine- Unique
It cool! great for fathers day!
check it out
Looks great in your vacation home, garage or anywhere you like.
call xxx-xxx-xxxx
I’m just going to let you think about that one for a while. Where would you like your cock machine?
It cool, indeed. In fact, I’d like to buy the world a … er, no. Things go better with … oh, um, no. Have a cock and a … oh, never mind.
Thanks, Wendy!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
| WordPress Hates Me – A Novel Approach on YSaC, Vol. 573: The nacho cheese fountain finally has some competition. […] we come to the part that WordPress hates. My long-time attachment to a humor blog called You Suck at… | |
| 2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all! […] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […] | |
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| Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1243: A little hard of herring. I thought this joke smelt, but this guy really knew how to drop the bass. And it flopped around everywhere… |
Sigh…so much inappropriate snark rattlin’ around in my head…wonder if there’s any brain bleach leftover from yesterday.
I think there is a bottle left over from that Rule 34 photoshoot if you want it.
I hope it’s the “Real Thing.”
I’m not sure what is supposed to be so great about a low temperature machine that dispenses male chickens. I mean I like chickens and all but I don’t see much use for it. Maybe I’m not understanding this correctly.
*Checks Urban Dictionary*
Oh! They mean cool as in hip! Well I do try to be current but I just can’t connect with today’s youth. Maybe what I’m missing is a cock machine! Yes that’s it! I’ll finally be hip and trendy with this cock machine because it’s so cool! I say bring on the cocks!
Just be careful, or you’ll need refiferation.
And given your youth–from my perspective of two more decades–that bodes not well for my understanding what is alleged to be youth culture these days.
Luckily, the mavens of that culture are mostly crusty old farts in h’wood and nyc media complexes, and are only about a decade older than I am.
**eye twitches**
**attempts to make snarky comment**
**hangs head in defeat**
This defies every attempt to understand just how you get that word from Coke. Unless you happen to be on a rather different sort of Coke. I could maybe understand Cok, but not this. I think Sparky posted this this way on purpose. Just a vibe I’m getting from it.
This just boggles my mind for some reason.
Hey give Sparky his dues he cannot splle / psell/ spele / spell simple words but got ‘unique’ correct and of course the machine itself has squiggles on it that say Coca-Cola so no mention of Coke at all. I’m guessing here he got his inspiration from his best friend. *pass the brain bleach please*
Ahh yes, Bacontini now remember his cock. He miss dat cock so much now dat it’s gone. He used to play wit his cock all de time, it would sing to Bacontini in de morning to wake him up, and every day before bed Bacontini would kiss it goodnight.
So sad now dat Bacontini have no cock.
What? Why everyone laugh at Bacontini?
“Ahem. Excuse me bartender, but I seem to have a cock in my martini. It’s missing pimiento.”
Muddy- Of course you do, it’s called a “cocktail” for a reason.
Ooooooh! I suppose I shouldn’t complain about the scrotii in my meatballs either then. Good to know.
That’s not the Father’s Day gift I plan on giving my dad.
We’re not THAT close.
You must not be from Georgia.
Or West Virgina.
Are you?
Cause I’d be careful opening any gifts.
Taco: *revoking your NAMBLA membership*
(you forgot to bring refreshments at the last meeting)
*Drops to his knees*
Nooooooooooooooo!
Err I mean.
Kaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhnnnnn!
Taco – be careful using the phrase “Drops to his knees” today – may lead to worse results than ‘minge’.
Taco on his knees… how often does that happen?
Er..I mean… is there a line?
Don’t be pulling-a-shatner on me. It was only hotdogs and Stay Pufts. It wasn’t like you were supposed to bring the quadrotriticale.
Pulling-a-Shatner
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Doesn’t matter if there’s a line, what I want to know is whether there’s a fee.
*ahem*
Purely for scientific reasons, of course.
And if personal checks and credit cards are acceptable.
Just out of curiosity.
I think that’s what William Shatner is calling it these days.
Mudslicker! You spelled quadrotriticale right! I bow to your superior Trek-ness!
Anyone know where I left my tribbles, btw?
Why thank you CJ!
Your tribbles are wherever you want them to be and many more places you don’t want them to be. However, I hear they prefer hanging out in the vegetable crisper in the fridge.
My X-girlfriend gave me one of these things for Christmas one year. Imagine my surprise when I opened it Christmas morning – in front of my parents.
Oh, coke machine! Never mind……..
And you broke up with her???!!!
She did have a sense of humor didn’t she. Mom, not so much. Just a tip to all – penal enlargement pumps don’t work all that well……..
Dear God, I hope you meant ‘penile’!
Leave God out of this Grampdaddy.
Hey. God wants a bigger coke too. I don’t think we should be leaving him out of this action.
God wants a bigger everything! Who does he think he is? God?
Last time I threw a party God was the first to pass out and Vishnu drew all over him with a sharpie.
Boy was God pissed, caused a flood and everything.
God never could hold his liquor, could he? (it’s all about the wine, isn’t it?)
And Vishnu I hear has been hanging out with Loki for so many millennia that he’s picked up a multitude of bad habits (too many to list).
I hope you kept both their car keys.
The Mini-Mart down the street has 2-liter cocks on sale for 79 cents – think we should let god know?
Penal – Penile: S@#T…..I’m doing it wrong aren’t I?
Only if it hurts…..
…and remember; don’t drop the soap.
I…It…Coc…great for father’s day?!? Wha… Gah…
*red warning lights begin to strobe as a klaxon splits the air*
*DANGER DANGER SNARK OVERLOAD SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER*
BOOM!!!
*a mushroom cloud rises into the sky*
SJ, that really lacks the quiet dignity of a Tacosplode.
Sorry, my brain kept wanting to read the front of the thing as “Cocka Cola”, and well…
I’m gonna need a bigger brick for this one.
I want the matching “Dr. Pecker” vending machine.
*Goes away singing, “I’m a Pecker, he’s a Pecker, don’t you want to be a Pecker, too.”*
Oooh, and you could get ‘7-Up’ (more or less), also.
Up what?
The “Sound of Music”.
Playing a flute.
As a grade schooler, if there was time at the end of class, the teacher would often have the class play a game of 7-UP. We, kids, would put our heads down on our desk with a thumb sticking up. Seven classmates were chosen to be it. If your thumb was pushed down, you had to stand up and guess who touched it.
I now understand.
A childhood memory totally warped and humiliated. Thanks Grampdaddy.
You’re welcome, LimeLolly – glad to be able to do my part in imparting reality.
LL – you can, of course, still play 7-Up. The rules are probably a little different now than you remember…
Er..okay Gramps.
Not really sure about that… adult version may be a little too boisterous and ‘swingy’ for me. And I don’t want to get arrested for playing it with the kids.
I’m just going to relegate this to the ‘In theory, this is fun’ category.
Dear Limelolly-
I meant, of course, that you can’t peek to see who pushed your thumb down, and that you only got one guess each turn. Whatever did you think I meant?
Also, “I spy, with my little eye” has nothing to do with bushes or partially closed venetian blinds.
*shaking head, mutters,”What is the matter with these young folks today?”*
Uh, uh , uh
Don’t you play like you’re Mr. Innocent. Not while you’re sitting there having your ‘happy dreams’ (thanks to Meredith). No take backs allowed. 🙂
I had a Tacosplode the other day. The gal at TacoBell was very careless. My car interior didn’t appreciate it.
It also lacks the complete inanity of an assplode.
You won’t think it’s so insane once you have a baby.
I’d like to see that, ’cause I’m almost 99% sure Astro’s a he.
Babby’s can assplode… diapers DO NOT hold as much as they advertise.
Hubby refused to change dirty diapers and one time when he did, I had a screaming, stinky kiddo and an upchucking hubby. I didn’t know who to clean up first!
Being male does not preclude having to deal with an assploded baby should there be one in the vicinity with said male’s genetic material.
Bravo Taco – well said! I figured (Mrs. Grampdaddy insisted) that since I was responsible for the creation of said infant, I should also be responsible for clean-up of said infant. Someday I should tell you about a fishing trip with two toddlers and a new van….
It’s even more fun if you’re babby-sitting and your sister failed to mention that;
A) the babby in question is suffering from gastric upset,
B) said sister scrimped and bought the really cheap diapers that couldn’t hold in a sneeze,
C) and that the babby consumed most of a box of crayons several hours before you showed up.
*shudders*
So. Many. Colors. Everywhere.
I used to work as a veterinarian technician. Part of that job required that I clean out the animal kennels in the morning.
Trust me when I say that a baby is NOTHING compared to what a Dog can do given 10 hours, 8 sheets of newspaper, a blanket, and full bowls of dog food and water.
We used to call it poopermache. And it’s amazing how well that stuff sticks to the smooth stainless-steel surface of a boarding kennel.
I have to say, though, what I really don’t understand is how you can have a babby with poop coming out of the armholes of clothing, all the way to the top of their head, etc., and when you change the diaper there is nothing in it – virtually nothing!
I know that those of you who have not been responsible for infant clean-up will say “impossible” – but those of us who have will all be shaking our heads in wonder and agreement.
Oh, and TM, you’ll appreciate this based on your veterinary experience. Picture the results of a German Shepherd dog that has eaten a dozen whole wheat bagels and most of a jar of vaseline AND most of a jar of diaper-rash ointment. And an off-white carpet….
How about the quiet baby, in his room alone…playing with the results of said gastro-intestinal eminations?
All over the furniture, walls, him, carpet…
So glad I wasn’t home at the time and baby daddy had clean-up duties.
Taco, dogs are nothin’ compared to Guinea Pigs.
We cleaned out there cage yesterday.
Within two or three hours, there was already too many… erm, “presents” to count just scattered about the cage.
I had a toddler who adored Kalamata Olives and went through a stage of eating about 30 of those, and not much else, for dinner. You should see that in the nappy the next morning.
Astro: I’ve taken care of guinea pigs. Their cages might be more of a pain to clean, but they are way, WAY less gross than a dog who’s covered an entire kennel, themselves, and a 6×4 blanket in poo that has been laboriously ground into every surface with 130 pounds of dog.
Apologies for keeping the poop thread alive, but I want Astro to know just how much worse dogs can be than rodents. One fine Saturday morning my lab mix caught and partially devoured a squirrel. My husband took care of the carnage, we threw the dogs in their kennels and went out to run errands. We came home to the most foul odor on the planet. She had thrown up and crapped so violently that she hit the other two dogs (who were in separate kennels about a foot apart), the wall and the hard wood floors. Yeah, squirrel innards, a whole claw, rawhide and other horrors, too many to list were among the wreckage. The wall was ruined and the floors required a slew of chemicals to get the smell out.
Needless to say, I now carefully monitor all of the dog’s outside activities.
Wow, and I was afraid that the cat would have a mouse “present” waiting for me when I came home today (he’s still in stalk mode, so he hasn’t gotten it yet). That would be welcome compared to baby diapers/dog messes.
The dogs I had growing up ate a few weird things once in a while (the schipperke was put to sleep because of peritonitis, and the following necropsy discovered an unrelated piece of wood in his stomach), but nothing like that. I once worked with a lady whose half-grown lab got into the espresso chocoates at Christmas. The dog survived the chocolate ingestion (including wrappers), the resultant case of exploding ass, and being locked in the back yard all night – the owners didn’t dare keep it in the house or take it to the vet and the yard would result in the least cleaning.
My son was dog sitting — after two kids, I have never seen such a mess.
My soon-to-be-7-year-old loves animals and asks when she can have a different one as a pet just about daily. I think I successfully talked her out of additional pets this morning by suggesting she practice pet care by cleaning the cat’s litter box. Suddenly she’s very happy with her sea monkeys.
I have a friend who would feed her toddler strained beets and other brightly-colored foods just before dropping said child off with her mother for the day. She found it funny that her mom invariably would panic over the resulting colored poo.
I could never do that to my mom. My mom never panicked over *anything* that happened to a child… “What, you lopped off your foot? They can reattach that in a jiffy. Stick it in ice and lets go. No, I’m not carrying you; you’re too old to act like a baby.”
I had a cock machine once. It was great. It kept my hens laying eggs and never needed to be fed. A few drops of WD40 every few weeks made it happy.
ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER!!!
You know.. is it really
sucksuch a good idea to do a cock machine post on a site called You suck at craigslist…*Snark overload in progress*
TM – you need more coffee.
This is the most appropriate place.
I mean, this is where I hang out… so it’s appropriate.
That explains the strange looks I got at the bar the other night. All I did was order “A rum and cock – make it a double”. The nice young man at the other end of the bar said it was on him. Wonder what that meant?
You know something like that happened to me once. I mentioned at a bar that I really needed to have my pipes cleaned and a nice man offered to come home with me and take care if it.
He did a good job too, got all kinds of gunk out of my septic system.
The spontaneous sex afterwards was kind of awkward though.
TM – not sure we really want to know about cleaning out YOUR septic system.
Dear sweet Clothespin Jeebus…
I think I just inhaled my coffee mug.
After that last statement, I totally refuse to feel guilty about my NAMBLA remark from earlier.
*sputter & die*
*amends Mudsy’s comment*
“splatter and die”
*Googles NAMBLA*
*Eyes tear up*
Waaaaaaaahh!
*Runs from the room*
I’d like to buy the world a cock because things go better with cock and no one knows that better than the people of Bangkok.
{cockcorey} I once worked at a courier service, answering phones and taking orders. This was in the days before e-mail and other electronic communications. Our days were most often so busy there was barely time to go the bathroom. Stress levels were high, and to top it off the other two girls and I all shared space in one big room so we could hear each other and the dispatcher on the other side of the wall from us. Our drivers were 100% male, and would drift in and out of the office during the day. One day, the three of us were taking orders, the dispatcher was barking over the radio at a lost driver, and we had four other drivers inside our office doing various tasks. As one girl, Cissy, got off the phone from a particularly stressful call from an angry customer looking for their overdue delivery, she loudl announced, “I could sure use a STIFF ONE right about now.” All talk ceased as what she said sunk in, and it was followed by loud guffaws of laughter. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Cissy, embarrassed and incensed said, “I meant a drink.” It didn’t help, we still couldn’t stop laughing. Good times…{endcockcorey}
I just love a good Aesop’s Fable (did the fox ever get to nibble the grapes?).
Thanks for sharing CJ!
🙂
Why thank you, mudslicker! I have more stories involving that particular place of employment…someday, I should write a book…
At least you didn’t start it; then decide to write:
I know sounds weird, would take too long to explain.
… right as you got to the good part.
If only Cissy had said, ” I meant a cock!
I was wishing that too.
Glad to know I’m not the only perverse one here today.*
*And I mean that in a good way
As long as we’re sharing [cockcorey] stories…
[cockcorey] So, at a party back in college, my friends and I were playing a normal game of Pictionary. We got bored with the cleanliness of the game, so we decided to see how many of the perfectly innocent clues could be expressed with dirty pictures. This caused us to yell out some rather interesting guesses on the way to the right answer, such as, “penis+potato…penis+potato…okay, different words, um, cock+tater…cock+tater…oh! Dictator!” [/cockcorey]
magician + penis + spud =
wait for it…
wait for it…
wait for it…
Tricky Dick Tater!
What? Too soon?
My friend’s dad came out after her mother passed away.* I think I’ve just found the perfect Father’s Day gift for her to give him. He can be so challenging to shop for. Thanks, CL poster, for your brilliant recommendation!**
*Actually true.
**Gratitude expressed may not be actually sincere.
*looks around*
Wow, I’ve got a lot of company down here in the gutter today! I should get some refreshments.
*goes to cock machine*
Anybody want some lemonade?
SJ, you shouldn’t have to take care of all the refreshments – I’d be glad to help out. Would a big bag of nuts help out?
Oh I can bring a cake log!
Damn, coffee is starting to kick in.
Um… eww.
You might need to see a doctor about that.
I don’t think there’s going to be a shortage of nuts around here today…
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.
I think the Llama-nun and Ostrimu probably planned their vacation around this post. They HAD to know how dirty is was going to get in here.
They did say they were going to be traveling for two weeks – think we are going to have two weeks of pron – inducing postings?
Windrose may have to change from brass knuckles to spikey boots, a bustier, and riding crop or whip for showing up in the box.
Windrose, stay outta my closet!!!
Oh Meredith, I think I’m in love!
Oh yes, and so am I. I’m a ginger-lover*/aging hippie musician groupie**. Either way, we’d make a great pair.
*True
**May not be true…yet
***I actually have owned the above mentioned items at one time or another. I live up to the whole “Church Girl” porn fantasy. 🙂
Great, now all of a sudden all I can think of is Meredith as the “nughty nun”.
If you all need me I’ll be taking a cold shower in liquid oxygen.
*I’m just going to sit quietly over here and enjoy my “happy thoughts”.
Now you’ve done it, Meredith – they’ll be useless for the rest of the day.
Thanks SJ – that’s about the nicest thing anyone has said about me in quite a while. Big hug for being so sweet. :<)
I just thought about Silva Noir drawing this image. 8) Very Funny!
That’s what Gerberts jars are for. The comments will be fresh, preserved and still stinking when they come back in two weeks.
Hey SJ, while you’re at the cock machine, check around the corner. I hear that’s where the fudge is made.
*groan*
*checks around corner*
Hey, it’s got nuts in it! And what I will be
assmuingassuming is candy corn.Hey, where’s the cream filling*?!
Bloody brilliant.
Dammit.
GT….o000h!
*waving*
Kanye has finally been outed as DP. Awesome. (I always knew it was a regular, just not sure which one.)
Also: I love that GrahamT has not been around for a while, but shows up on a day where the comments are pr0n-prone. Great timing!
Yo Kanye, I’m really happy for you and imma let you finish… but Deadpool is the best avatar of all time! OF ALL TIME!
I would offer to bring some milk, but I’m currently all out.
Edit: well that really failed to nest where I intended it!
My friend Han told me “Don’t get cocky!” once.
Good times…
As long as he didn’t tell you to ‘keep cool’.
Luke, you can get cocky with me anytime….ANY. TIME.
Luke: If you think that blaster is big, you should check out my lightsaber!
Leah: Wow it’s so big! I hope something ironic doesn’t come along and ruin the sexual tension between us, Luke.
Luke: Are you kidding? What could possibly go wrong?
*Meanwhile*
Lucas: We need a plot twist here people! I know I’ve been telling everyone that I’ve had this all planned out from the beginning, but I need something fresh!
Isn’t it spelled Leia?
Probably. I was gonna check it but my apathy overcame my desire to spell it right.
That’s what Luke wanted to be – a Princess Laya.
Rapper Luke wanted to be a Princess Playa’…
I’d like to teach the world to snark, and keep their shells minty.
I’d like to buy the world a cock to keep them company.
*here’s a cock and a 🙂 for y’all!
I wouldn’t touch this one with a 10-foot pole.
I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot Coke.
I wouldn’t touch it with Archie’s pole, either.
Or with Taco’s Rod
or Grampdaddy’s Shield..
I’m just going to go sit over — here.
Yeah, you’d have to have a lotta bottle* to do that!
*Brit-based slang.**
**I’m liking the asterisks/footnotes today.***
***No idea why, really.
****’cuz it’s Asterisk Wednesday?
Try daggers.†
† Note: Daggers are fun and pointy. ‡
‡ Shoot. Don’t take that and make it perverted, even though it’s now too late.
So, Astro, how do you make your dagger …
I mean, what are the keyboard steps?
Well, since I don’t think code tags will work on this board and keep it from displaying, I’ll point you to this link:
http://www.yourhtmlsource.com/text/specialcharacters.html
I love Asterisk the Gaul!
♠ ♣ ♥ ♦
Sweet! Thanks, Astro!
I wouldn’t touch it with a…
never mind. I really don’t want to go there right now. Too perverse.
Wait, I have a cock machine, but it doesn’t look anything like that. It’s right on my bedside…uhhhhnevermind.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. 8)
You keep it in plain sight? Mine’s in the bottom drawer of……never mind…….
It’s usually away. I was just…nevermindagainforgetIsaidanything
Windrose…hot pink. w glitter. All I’m sayin.
…I’m kinda jealous. I always had to just use a hairbrush.* When my parents weren’t home.**
*is true
**is not true
My kids are very short so mines on top of a tall dresser.
Mine’s in…
Actually, I don’t have one.
So… you’re saying.. you’re married? 8)
I so admire Mrs. TM.
She rolls her eyes at me a lot.
Sometimes I think she considers slipping Ritalin into my iced tea.
And she controls the machines too.
But who is in charge of the remote?
That’s silly, Taco – she’s probably putting it in your coffee.
*Takes a gulp of coffee*
Maybe that’s what the weird flavor is.
*Takes another Gulp*
I can see the music!
He doesn’t act like he’s gotten anything slipped to him lately (since he had his pipes cleaned).
*wait, that didn’t sound right*
I was referring to the zomb…..
I don’t think it’s Ritalin…
HOW much are you worth again, Taco?
I think I was found on the discount shelf. If I were buying me I wouldn’t pay more than $10.
I don’t know Taco — I might pay $15 (if you cooked every weekend).
[vending machine corey]
Had a buddy who got bitten by the vending machine bug, and started collecting them.
Fit in well with the pinball and video game decor.
It’s a market with the best and worst sorts of flakes and nuts, too.
Like people who do not have a refrigerator, but do have a stand-up vending case that needs the dispensing ‘worms’ replaced in lieu of the fridge.
So, it seems apt that there’s a Sparky out there on CL with one seriously misspelled.
By my eyeball, this is not a vending cooler, so it has less of a cachet, the unbroken glass top would be a plus, and a down-tick for the cokebottle handle.
Why should Sparky (or any of us) care?
Well, here is “example” an of how the market is.
Sparky could have $400 of cooler there, if it runs, and were he bright enough to do some research on how to get an item out in front of the collectors.
This makes me sad. And the rain has a pleasant sound, but the weather change (since 0400) is not being nice to my old old bones and joints, and my errands will not wait.
[/corey]
What if Sparky only had $342.00 of cooler??
What then?
He’d probably make change with a couple of Igloos.
I’d rather have Klondike Bars.
And what would you do for a Klondike Bar?
(Given the swiftly declining, rocket-powered-roller-coaster-to-hell direction today’s comments have taken, I probably don’t want to get an answer to that.)
I would do anything for love*, but I won’t do THAT.
* or klondike bar
So Windrose, in the absence of the dynamic blog duo, are you in charge of the YDSaC box?
Cause if so, they should totally put you on the payroll. Think of all the vintage cereal and misjay you could be earning right now!
Taco, that’s a great idea! I want to retire from my day job anyway! *flutters eyelashes becomingly at drmk and Dan* I would settle for health coverage, actually. The COBRA will be so expensive, I can’t afford to retire yet.
Oooh ooh!! I know where you can get a COBRA! At least, I think it was a COBRA. I’d check for you, but it’s stuck in this couch…
I’m pretty sure there’s a cobra in the Porta-Potty over there too.
I’d vote for you.
You guys make me laugh and cry at the same time! Thanks.
So sad to see Lorena Bobbitt reduced to having to sell stuff on Craigslist.
Didn’t Lorena throw that out the window? This may be one of her admirers.
So, not just because he suggested I get paid for being a wise @$$ here, but based on 20 popular votes, Today’s Don’t Suck Award goes to TacoMagic for the craft idea. Punchity Punch Punch, TM!
G’Night, Meredith’s Closet!
Wohoo, buttering up Windrose totally worked…
*Ahem*
I mean you do me honor fair lady of the north*.
*Everywhere is North of something… except the south pole I guess.
speeling do count. oh well. moran.
No, no…we can make this work.
We WILL make this work.