YSaC, Vol. 677: Wasn’t he mayor of Chicago?
2010 May 25
Wanted a giant cermaic or concrete head for my yard – $1
Want someone to make me a giant 4′ ceramic or concrete human head to lay in my front yard.
Would you settle for a terracotta Lionel Richie sculpture with cheese for hair? No? That’s a shame, because I’ve got one lying around that I made for someone else.
I can’t help but think that the Homeowner’s Association is going to have a problem with this fellow’s attempt to recreate Easter Island in his front yard. My mother got in trouble with her HA for planting flowers too close to the sidewalk; I can’t imagine that they’d take too kindly to a giant head.
Thanks, Amy!
This has to be a male Sparky. Always trying to get head. *waits for rim shot* And in the front yard! I’m pretty sure I saw a low-budget prawn movie like this. I mean, heard about. Yeah, that’s it. I’ll get my coat.
Are you waiting for a rim shot or a rim job?
I shouldn’t be drunk this early.
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” – Ford Prefect in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Happy International Towel Day, by the way.
I happen to be an avid towel-user!
I knew my day would come!
I brought my towel to school today. It came in useful as a cushion, a napkin, something to whack my friends with, and as a conversation piece. The best part? The “cool teacher” in the school, Mr. Cheney (he teaches World History, and showed his class the 300 and Forrest Gump, as well as having them reenact trench warfare using desks and dodgeballs. And they had a toga day. I wish I had him) had a towel too. It was pretty awesome.
Oh, damn, it was International Towel Day? Of all the days to forget my towel…
towels good
That’s what Tuesdays are made for!
Dear “Craigslist”,
I want a “Cement Head,” if you know what I mean. It should be “4” feet in height, get it? I want to “lay it” on my “lawn”, wink, wink. If you could “make” me one, I would be “grateful”. I might “even” pay “you” for it. How does “$1” sound “to” you?
“Thanks for your consideration”,
-Idiot
Taco, have you ever pushed ADHD meds (with prices at an all-time “high”) on Craigslist, by any chance?
TM
That should be signed as: Horny and Desperate
Wanted a giant cermaic or concrete asshat for the giant cermaic head in my yard – $1
Goes together like peanut butter and jelly. I guess you get what you’re willing to pay for. $1? Really?
Ah, so an asshat is a hat shaped like an ass meant for the head, rather than a hat meant to be worn on one’s ass.
Another one of life’s mysteries solved!
(Though the mental image of the less-than-brilliant wearing party hats on their bums still amused me)
I’ve always imagined it as a flesh-colored motorcycle helmet with a cleft top and black* chin strap.
* From the ‘oddly-specific’ file
I always imagined it to be like the prosethics (did I spell that correctly?) that they used for the “Butthead” family on “In Living Color.”
Speaking of ceramic (or cement) asses… I had a 60 lb 2 foot tall cement donkey sculpture in my yard. It was my neighbor’s originally, he had in in his front yard since the 60’s, but it was one of the things that was left to me after he died (the other was a nice painting). I had it in my yard for less than a year before someone came along and stole it (along with several other lawn ornaments on the streets around me).
Is there really a black market for lawn ornaments?
I had someone steal a cement skull I was fond of, but it was hanging on my bedroom wall and not in the front yard. (Happened during a party so I’m not sure who took it.)
We had a pair of tiki statues stolen from our front porch. We keep hoping we’d find some pictures from their trip around the world in our mailbox.
The sad truth is probably that some kids took them to burn/blow up with fireworks.
My friends and I once borrowed stole an acquaintance’s doormat. We named it Mat and took it camping with us…and, of course, took pictures of Mat going swimming, having a beer, etc. Then at the end of the weekend, we returned Mat and gave him the pictures.
Oops, my strikethrough didn’t work…must investigate…
Silva:
Someone died and left you a 60 lb 2 foot tall cement donkey sculpture?
That’s really, really awesome!!!!!
I’ve always envisioned it like one of those big cheese wedge hats people in Wisconsin seem to like to sport. But I believe it could go either way—there seems to be zero protocol in the asshat/chapeau community.
Regarding the black market in lawn ornamental sculpture:
1. Particularly if you live in/near a college town.
2. Dwarves, lawn gnomes and Nativity scenes appear to be in high demand.
3. Tops Big Boy has been known to go missing for decades.
4. Large asses would be mouth watering.
*carry on*
I tend to think an asshat is slighly more dignified than a cheesehead. I should know, I live in the state that thinks it’s witty to wear cheese on your head.
Now you’re picking fly p00p out of pepper Taco. If Sparky is wearing it, how dignified can it be?
Besides, I thought Lola solved that problem by introducing the ‘chapeau’ into the mix of cutting edge snark snobbery.
Sorry about your location. I always picture you in Washington state.
Well, I did live in the WA for 18 years. Believe me when I say I wish I was still there.
*sympathy hugs*
I am still there. muahahaha! I’m taking in all your sceneries!
He and I in Washington together, with our power of strangeness combined, would be a terrible thing. Too many nukes around.
And too many Salmon.
HHNF: The two of you in Washington would cause a nuklear asplosion—heard clearly all the way from the Puget Sound to Bianchi Sound!
Hey MS, I resemble that remark.
Ohh…I miss Pacific salmon (any of them). And Oregon strawberries and blackberries…ooh, and the Burgerville milkshakes made with those berries. And Tillamook. And Oregon/Washington wines with local prices. *mouth waters*
I grew up in Portland, by the way.
Washington wines, Henry Weinhard’s, Seattle’s Best Coffee’s Taza d’Oro blend, Washington apples, salmon, geoduck (if only for the name), fish and chips from Ivar’s, attending Gary Larson’s alma mater, Cougar Gold cheese, lentils! lentils! lentils! and wheat! wheat! wheat!, Seattle music from the Sonics thru the Fastbacks thru the YFF and a few others you may have heard of, hidden huckleberry patches, no state income tax …
… dammit, why do I live in the Bronx, again?
… Ted Bundy, Green River Killer, that dude in Spokane who serial-killed prosties and buried one of them in his flower bed, Kevin Coe …
… because I don’t feel dramatically less safe here, that’s one reason … 8)
Crap Lola, you had to bring up all that stuff didn’t you. Now I’ve got a big ol’ Washington craving. So depressed that I’m not getting back there for this years HS reunion now. I could have had a Weinhard’s root beer! * Mourns*
Taco — Not to make you even more depressed, but I heard from my best friend that Anheuser-Busch is completely buying out Widmer Brothers (beyond the distribution contract they’ve had for a while) and supposedly the only thing they’re keeping is the Hefeweizen. So there may not be root beer the next time you make it back. =(
They are??!! Oh no! We make the trip up to Portland at least once if not twice a year (one pair of parental units reside there plus other family). Family traditions are sacred, and the second* one on the Portland venue is go to the Widmer brewery on the Max. I am not.a.beer fan, but I absolutely love their cherry beer that they make only during the holidays. Yummy. Good thing I enjoyed two glasses last time. *sad face*
*First is Wink’s.
SN, there is also the lesser known “condom hat” used in instances where containment of douchery is the goal.
Or would that be “preservatif chapeau” in Lola-speak?
chapeau de prophylactique? (oui, I did just make that up)
Wait, isn’t the Pacific Northwest “America’s Serial Killer Playground”? Considering, I think your paired up form of light hearted oddity would be welcome, guys. At least until they find those body parts in your cheese dip.
The PNW might be the Serial Killer Playground, but Wisconsin is the Serial Killer Day Care. More Serial killers have been born and bred in Wisconsin than any other state.
And they’re damn proud of that over here. I mention Seattle and they turn their noses up with, “Isn’t that the suicide capital of the US? At least our psychos have the good taste to kill other people.”
Let’s all get this straight right here right now, if whiny emo kids want to slit their wrists in Seattle that’s fine with me. We could use less of them anyway.
The cold does things to people up in Wisconsin, though. You could end up strung up like a deer while some recluse makes a cereal bowl out of your skull.
Don’t worry, we’ll have an intervention when he starts up with the “Hey dere!” greetings.
You know it isn’t da heat so much as it is da humidity, eh? Dere isn’t a ting you can do when it’s gettin’ ta be like 40 below, doncha know.
I need to go shower now.
That’s the same band that does ‘dashing through the snow in a rusty chevrolet’, right?
Is it really the PNW? I always thought it was Florida…
And I thought we had strange people who started a sentence with “Hey ya’ll watch this”. They probably live in the “trailer park” or as we refer to it down here as a “Manufactured Home Community”. Ya gotta luv the south…….
I think that sparky here is looking for a large statue of a “Sir Mike”, although the speeling is a bit off.
My favorite Sir Mike is of course Sir Michael Jackson (not that one – the British Army General).
Nature Sparky1: “Here we see the giant cermaic in its natural habitat: yardus suburban. Note the positioning. The cermaic is known to lay in the yard indefinitely, unless moved by someone or something else.”
Nature Sparky2: “Wow, look at the size of that cermaic! That must be at least 4′ tall. Let’s use the inflatable not.a.lion to gauge. Yes, nearly 4′ tall, but the not.a.ceramic does not light up. That is the best way to distinguish between the two.”
Nature Sparky1: “Fascinating. I did not know that.”
“Hi there, I’m here to make a giant head for your lawn! I need you to come out for a minute so I can make a mold of your head.”
*Points to large bucket of fast-setting concrete*
“Just stick your head in this bucket and wait a few minutes. I’m going to go inside and … use the bathroom. Just ignore anything that sounds like me absconding with your valuables, it’s just a trick of the wind. Here’s a bendy straw so you can breathe.”
Ok now I’m just seeing:
Wanted a(n) [adjective] [adjective] or [adjective] head for my [noun] – $[number]
———————————————————————-
Want [noun] to [verb] me a(n) [adjective] 4′ [adjective] or [adjective] human head to [verb] in my front [noun].
My version
Want a froopy gelatinous or explosive head for my baboon – $pi
———————————————————————-
Want Orson Wells to spank me a superfluous 4′ unctuous or aggressive human head to nucleate in my front Autotopia.
Nix on version #1.
They have “specifically specified” the need for one gigantic HUMAN head. Baboons only count if they’re my ex boyfriend and they answer to the name Jeff.
It’s like wack-ass Mad Libs! I’m just going to flip through this innocent dictionary I have on my desk…
“Want an armadillo to crush me a glistening, 4′ stretchy or protruding human head to emasculate in my front rodeo.”
Dude. I have a new favorite game!
Let’s see if the Holy Rain spell can come up with something nice:
Want an integer to secede me a loathsome 4′ smart or guilty human head to enchant in my front edict.
FUN FACT: Both Llama and Emu appeared on pages selected by the dice rolls. However neither were used because at the time I was looking for adjectives. Sorry blogmasters. But, let’s create a YSaC meme version:
Want a Llama-nun to misjay me a FEMALETRAITS2 4′ mine hors or bleach boiling human head to get-a-room in my front Ostrimu.
If I was his neighbor I’d be tempted to commission a bunch of oversized random body parts to put in my front yard. “Nice head, Sparky. Did you see the ankle I just had done? Yep, that’s a beauty. Next week they’re delivering the belly button. I’m going to have that piece placed at an angle I think right….about…here. What do you think? They’re working on a really special piece for me as well – I’m getting a fence made out of 4500 disembodied ceramic arms.”
Beating
IssacIsaac to a thumbs up on an omphalos stone reference!Regards,
The Oracle of Delphi
*Nice job Manda!
Please don’t beat me, O Oracle of Mudsy. I’ll be good.
I will be gentle and only beat until stiff peaks* appear.
*this is a COOKING term, so everyone get their cermaic heads out of the gutter!
But it’s warm and cozy down here!
Look, there’s the “Free Candy” van! I’d go, but a filthy hippie just gave me a delicious brownie. Also, those pink lollipops taste terrible.
What hippie? I thought it was a Walrus.
Slightly off-topic, but today I saw a PowerPoint presentation that mentioned a corporation called “Fair Isaac.” Well, that’s how the company spells its name. Guess how the PowerPoint spelled “Isaac.” That’s right, it spelled it the TacoMagic way.
Taco, are you by any chance creating PowerPoint slides for hire these days?
Oh no, she’s on to me!
NINJA VANISH!
*Throws Smokebomb*
Hack, cough, choke, cough…
What a cheapskate. Most examples (or so I hear) of big head that you can lay on your lawn (or elsewhere) are going to cost more than just a dollar …
“Dear Sparky,
No cement head here, but [music] got a machine head. Green to red. Machine head. [/music]
No charge if you pick up. My wife wants room for something more current and/or relevant, like her Japanese-y doll stuff.
Gavin”
All:
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts and I want to thank you for the laughs. Unfortunately, I’m moving on to a place from which it will be difficult to play along (Not. Incarceration.). I hope to be able to post from time to time – or at the very least, lurk a bit.
I wish you all the very best.
Cheers,
Steve
Say it ain’t so! I’ll miss your avatar. Say hi to Beijing for us all (unless you’re joining Graham in some gigantic sandbox somewhere). Be sure and pop in once in a while.
Missing you already megaphone head,
mudsy
I’m going to miss the puppy-lion! Hope you can check in from time to time.
Oh no! A. Lion, we’re going to miss you! Please do come back and visit/post as often as you can!
Awww! I will miss your comments and your
cone of shamemaned avatar, but most of all, the fact that your posting name is site-inspired. Come by as often asyou’re able to bribe the jailerscircumstances permit.I’ll miss you we were so close with tigprincess and Not.A.Lion. Please remember to snark once a day in honour of us and do drop in when technology permits. Missing you already! xx
“I’m moving on to a place from which it will be difficult to play along”
You’re going to the place that all of my childhood pets went to? That’s awesome. It’s supposed to be nice there.
Dear not.a.tiger,
I can only hope that it is to a far, far better place you go. Please send directions so that all of us can get there too, someday. Do remember us when you come into your kingdom, and may the snark be with you. Or, as Yoda would say, “Do snark, or do not do snark – there is no trying.”
There’s no crying in baseball, either – Tom Hanks said that. So, take your little conehead and go wherever A.Lions and Dogs with megaphones go….
Will miss you!
Bye A.Lion! You will miss us, and we you. 🙁
Happy trails! Hope that your journey brings you back whenever possible.
Nooooo!
Not A. Lion!
Not you!
We’ll miss your cute head-tilt and satellite wisdom.
You’ll be missed with
cone of shameregal mane and delicious snark.I’m touched.*
* In the head.**
** No, really, I’m touched.
I will definitely pop my non-cermaic head in every chance I get.
I’m at home now – I usually post from the office (a.k.a. Snark Base Alpha) – and I gotta say it’s mighty sweet to be done with work for a few weeks. Not even 2:30 and I’m half lit. Woohoo!
He said like it was a bad thing
Will you stay if we all agree it’s a mane?
You will be
missedmisjayed.Have to jump in and say I’ll miss you too!
I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
No, I forbid it. Unpack your backs, sit back down at that computer. Stay! Good A.Lion. (at least check back in July to see if you win the second quarter Don’t Suck-Off) ((HUGS)) and Milk Bones.
The moai you know … that’s a tuff one.
I’d buy that for a dollar.
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2007/CamouflageFace.jpg
http://english.chinatibetnews.com/Gallery/attachement/jpg/site2/20090713/00248183e0130bc4e51631.jpg
This is all, until I can get myself to wake up. Been at work for four hours already, still asleep somehow.
Have you been into my special medication?
Hehehehe, no, of course not Colonel Sanders, what makes you asparagus that??? Hot dog farts…
It’s the happy vicodin hour! Everyone pop your pills!
I don’t know why, but that first one is going to give me nightmares.
Disembodied Ceramic Arms is my nomination for band name of the day. First song dedicated to Not.A.Lion is “I Ain’t Missing You At All”
Not ‘Worlds Apart’?
*Epic sad guitar solo in head*
What about “Every Time You Go Away,” for the second song?
or is it everytime? I will not google it, I will not google it.
Call me crazy (and you would be right) but I kind of like the idea of a stone head for my front yard. Though I’d be more inclined to work it and several other sculptures into the landscape, like my very own sculpture garden. It would be a sight better than my neighbors broken lawn furniture garden.
Both of those options are better than the people who now inhabit the house directly across from my parents, whose (the neighbors, not parents) yard features the eye- and nose-watering “mostly dead patches and dog poo the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro” motif. No wonder my parents got new curtains.
sure keeps them gol-durned whippersnappers ouffa mah property.
Eventually, it will keep the mailperson and the paper kid (maybe not, I don’t know if they can read) away, too …
These people moved into town from out in the county, and my parents (not without reason) suspect their prior residence was the sort where the house’s yard/field border is somewhat vague and decorated by automotive hulks in varying degrees of ferric decay. Frightening as it is with the patchy-poo look, they remain grateful that no vehicles on blocks are yet featured. *waves cane at lazy young whippersnappers* That was a nice neighborhood when I was growing up!
It’s like a mine-field! Ewwww.
Ooh, Ferric Decay for band name of the day!
With minty-fresh opening act, Patchy-Poo!
(I’m picturing a steampunk-themed emo band and a ska band consisting of bunch of guys in patchwork poodle outfits, respectfully.)
There is a house on the way to my sister’s that has that exact decorating motif (both ferric decay and patchy-poo); they have about half a dozen cars in various stages of dismantlement, a number of sheds stuffed to overflowing with all manner of junk and a front porch featuring several CL-reject couches hemmed in by more stuff, and a number of yardbirds running about adding to the general “patchy-poo” ambiance. (Yardbirds are chickens, BTW. They will roost in any high place they can reach and leave “accent marks” all over the place. I think their house is mostly held together that way.) There is a permanent “Yard sale” sign in the front yard , occasionally joined by a “free kittens” or “free puppies” sign. I can hear banjos in my head whenever I drive past.
Do you also roll the window up when you go by? ‘Cause I was getting a mental picture that included odor while reading your description – or I could just be associating it with the gag-inducing experience of being downwind from my parents’ neighbors on hot days.
I tend to drive a little faster past it when it’s warm out. All of that is about twenty feet from a semi-busy state road, so I’m sure the odd passing semi helps clear the air a bit.
The last time (’bout two weeks ago) I drove past there were three small dome tents pitched in the front yard amid the car parts and animal waste. Either the chickens demanded better housing, those are the “guest houses”, or they went on “vacation”, too.
hey, no hatin’ on the banjo!
I’m not hatin’, my brother in law plays the banjo (as well as the mandolin and guitar), it’s just what I hear when I drive past. It’s a cultural-stereotype thing.
Watch out for the shot gun!!!!
You’re all off-track here, as I am sure CapnMac will tell you, a head is a ship’s toilet. Sparky is looking for a concrete shit-house……..
In that case, I may not be using the term “Head and Shoulders” correctly.
I think there may be a girl with one that she wants removed from her yard, but in it resides a Basilisk.
I would think that sort of girl would want a pet that could get her stoned.
*Re-reads Wikipedia article)*
Oh, it turns you into stone. Never mind then.
Wait, so if you sit on the toilet, does it turn your arse into stone? Cause that would be one awkward way to end up…mid…well, you get the idea.
Yes, that gives “impacted bowel” a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?
Of course, if you were taking it it the end at work all day, you might welcome a concrete hinie.
As for offending the Homeowners Association: I’m pretty sure that trailer parks don’t have them. Sparky should be fine.
A giant “cermaic” head? Damn…all I’ve got is a giant paleozoic head…sigh….it’s always something, ain’t it? I am never going to make enough money to buy my smelly house of death for dolly.
“Death for Dolly” – Death Cab for Cutie cover band?
I’m picturing a folksy-hipster band. The logo is a zombie Dolly Parton.
More I think of it, the more awesome it becomes.
I’m just surprised that anyone is speaking cermaic these days. I thought it was a dead language.
Kindee liek grammactickillee keerect Inglish, huh?
Passion of the Christ Aramaic is a dead language? Somebody better tell Mel Gibson.
Anton Cermak? Assassinated in office? Guess he did a lot in just two years to piss people off. Jane Byrne would have seemed to be a more likely candidate.
Cabrini-Green is people!
I barely remember Jane Byrne. I think I was a kid when she was in office. Wasn’t there a brouhaha involving snow removal during her term?* The mayoral brouhaha I remember most was the one after Harold Washington had died and an art student did a painting of him in lingerie. The alderman went balistic.
*Yes, I know I could google it, but I’m trying to cut back to googling only once a day.
I don’t remember either. I only remember she “lived” in cabrini-green housing project to make some political points and it backfired on her. I think there’s an urban legend running around that when she left, she took half of the copper pipes*.
*key term here is ‘urban legend’
I haven’t been there in about 25 years, but my main memory of Chicago politics is that there used to be a Daley, and now there’s another Daley. I’m thinking that this encapsulates rather a lot of information about local politics, right there.
Moved to chi-town in ’68, just in time for the Convention, and Daley v. Yippies.
“The police are not here to prevent disorder. The police are here to CREATE disroder!”
Something of a strong first impression.
Only slightly offset by public sculpture and MS&T and the like.
And, now to my errards away.
Once again, I’m thinking I was looking at this incorrectly earlier. This person wants a 4′ concrete head to lay in his yard. Perhaps we should be thinking of “lay” in the same manner that a chicken lays an egg. In which case I say “Go, Sparky go! You lay that 4′ concrete head in your yard. I’m sure the screaming won’t disturb the neighbors at all.”
If you need some … assistance, Sparky, there’s always vintage Crisco.
Easter (egg???) Island takes on a whole new dimension, doesn’t it?
My first thought was, “How much concrete would you have to eat to make a 4′ head in your yard?” Then I did the math!
It takes 54 60lb bags to make one cubic yard, so…
*(rubs catulator vigorously with catnip)*
Add the square of the hyperbole, divide by the reminder of the shiny, add that back to the division of the Balkans, discount the String Cheese Theory, and…
“72.”
Wait, that can’t be right. Oh, I see what’s wrong…
(Turns catulator right side up.)
“Elebenty-nine atomic mouse grenades.” Thats more like it!
Well, what Sparky wanted (or still wants) would be “Fraziers” in lovely Hempstead, TX
But, I’m pretty sure the only dollar item over there would be a drink from the counter.
Three-foot tall unpainted goose is about $60, if memory serves. Would not want to guess how much the 10′ tall pig out front would go for.
We do have our share disembodied concrete body parts here in TX, don’t we?
My favorite giant head sculpture is in Paris (France, not TX) but it’s bigger than four feet. It’s called “L’ecoute” and I would link to a photo but that takes forever on a phone.
Ta-daa!
http://craigpeschka.com/Travel/Paris/Paris%20Large/l%27Ecoute.jpg
Is that the one?
Is it me, or does that sculpture look like it could be bits o’ Buddha stolen as they retreated from Vietnam (“French Indochina”)?
That’s it. If I remember correctly, that is the only info on the internet about the scupture or artist.
Here’s another one. Thankfully, no head attached.
http://cache.virtualtourist.com/3704880-Hand_sculpture_Santa_Rosa_Plaza-Santa_Rosa.jpg
Oh! I MUST take my picture with that when I go to Paris in August!
I have to go to Waller on Thursday, I may stop by Frazier’s and see if they have any Moai, they have one of about everything else.
Christina just caused to be recollect that the Moore in front of Dallas City Hall is “Reclining Woman” unless my memory is wobbly. (And with a nod to Avatar, v.s., Dallas has an on-going issue with the Moore sculpture being used as an outhouse … )
Yep, memory wobbly. The Henry Moore is “The Dallas Piece” not reclining woman.
May need more añejo memory enhancer.
Bah, it’s about all HM’s good for*.
*I may be slightly bitter as they replaced a tree I helped plant as a toddler with a Moore monstrosity. Linkety link. Not.a.Modernist.
“I want someone to make me a 4′ cermaic or concrete head…”
Ok *poof * you’re a 4′ cermaic head! Go lay in the yard!
That reminds me of my favorite bar graffiti ever, reportedly from the Lion’s Head in Manhattan:
“My mother made me a homosexual.”
“If I give her yarn, will she make me one, too?”
That’s in a Stephen King story! I remember it. I think he replaced “homosexual” with “whore”, though.
Interesting … maybe it’s a bathroom graffiti meme?
Or is “bathroom graffiti meme” just a band name for Ferric Decay’s special guest?
Stephen King FTW!
+elebenty for Stephen King! My favorite tome is Insomnia.
Mine’s the short story “Battleground” which has an awesome blend of creepy suspense and poetic justice(I never looked at toys the same way again), TNT did an adaptation a few years ago that was utterly perfect. (There was also not a single word of spoken dialogue in the whole thing, which was really cool.) I bought the series (Nightmares & Dreamscapes) just for that.
I’m not a huge King fan, but the one that I’ve always loved was the story from Four Seasons about the doctor – the only one from that book that hasn’t been made into a movie. (I rather hope they don’t; I’m not sure they could match the tension of the increasing creepiness as I perceived it.)
So true, Lola. It is my belief that there is no way to take his amazing wordsmithing and replicate it for the big screen in a manner that rings with the same intensity. I am the proud owner of everything single thing he has written, including his Richard Bachman series. They are wonderful old friends to revisit from time to time, especially on a rainy, creepy night when Mr. Eyebrows is at work.
I don’t remember that one and I’ve got that book. My all time favorites will always be The Shining and The Stand and then about another 3 or 4 that I will remember later (Misery, It, The Dead Zone).
I’m actually not a huge King fan anymore either. He’s just so ripe for snark-bouncing in this blog.
Hmmm…pondering a 4′ concrete/cermaic replica of Stephen King’s head as a lawn ornament. Ups the creepy element a smidge.
Have you seen the coke-bottle-bottoms he wears? Size those up to a 4′ head and you’d have a lawn fire just waiting for a sunny day.
If it were located on the lawn in front of Lola’s parents and angled just so, that would take care of the problem with their neighbors. Has a bizarre kinda King-esque feel to it, yes? Inanimate object starts fire that vaporizes unsuspecting yet deserving character.
Is anyone actually giggling like me at the actual idea of a 4 foot Not-a-Lionel head in somebody’s yard?
I’m seeing (aka: hoping/hinting) a GoogleEarth shot of a ceramic Lionel staring at you as you scan past. THAT is how you photobomb, people!
I can picture a bunch of aliens arguing over whether said Not.A.Lionel is evidence of a higher civilization or just a trick of light and shadow.
Concrete Cermaic?!? OOOH!
A mosaic made of concrete that is glazed and fired? In the shape of a human head? 4ft tall? Woah, Sparky may be on to something here.
From up close, it looks like lumps of concrete mashed together with some mortar all polished.
From the road it looks like polished head. Or is that Polished head? Would that be a kielbasa head? Getting a polished sausage head would cost Sparky a lot more than a dollar.
Here’s a mental image: The klin you’d need to fire a 4′ tall ceramic head.
Not exactly a hobby sort of item.
Take more than a dollar just to light the pilot on the gas burners.
I see an appetizer catering service idea blossoming for someone among us with an entreprenurial streak. Cocktail sausages served on a Polished cermaic head platter next to the nacho cheese fountain, ground meatball gerberts with mine hors sauce and, for dessert, minie chocolate pie balls. All this served on a red table. Take-home gift bags have empty babby jars suitable for leftovers.
Can’t. Breathe. Laughing. Too. Hard.
Perfect! However, what about making them cock tale snausages? They don’t have to be refrigerated, so the caterer could store them in his or her garage!
The XXXtra speshul version for bachloreet partys would have to cost an extra dollar, though.
Done. Settled. Decided. 31st birthday WILL be a YSaC themed party.
Don’t tell me it’s not a theme. It’s a THEME, goshdarnit. And I wanit!
We will need pictures.
And invitations.
What is this “homeowner’s association” of which you speak?
Nazis.
Here we call them “anal-retentive assholes” or “Yankees”.
You must live in my neighborhood.
*lolocaust*
A reflexive group of oligio-phillic control freaks with insufficient self-image to find more-usefull outlets for their perversions and pecadillos. Who then take up economic arms and create byzantine rules and bylaws the better to hector their neighbors into drab homogenous conformity no matter the cost to the life and soul of their neighborhood and neighbors.
HOAs then become a bar to sensible development in an area. They tend to attract those willing to practice open discrimination; who wind up vexed as cities will ignore the sorts of stamped-feet, breath-holding, eyes-closed you-better-behave-or-else demands of the petty and small and be diverse despite.
The ninnyhammers have lawyers who have worked out a particularly evil method to enforce their oligarchies. This involves deeding 1-2% of every lot in a subdivision to the HOA, who ten retains that ownership. Meaning you can never ever fully own your own house, and can be evicted for any “sins” committed.
I’m not a fan. Can you tell?
Ummmm… can I tell what? Maybe? I just love reading what you write about 5 times and suck out what marrow* of it I can. Carpe Diem Maccy!
*Dead Poets Society reference
No, really? You hide it so well.
Yes, I can tell. I’m the former secretary then president of my HOA (did I mention I’m moving? Yaay!).* See, I somehow thought in my dreamy headed silliness that I could CHANGE things. Make them better. Less Draconian. Well, I stopped the discrimination against some homeowners** and the frivolous legal action,*** but had zero other impact: Now the people who usurped my presidential powers are using them for evil (not as evil as the previous board before my time, but still…) and tossing away the reserves on things like excess flowers and fountains instead of oh, say, the repairs that need to be made and saving money for the roofs for 19 units!
*To Brooklyn. From LA. Yep, all the way across the country.
**Seemed to me to be blatant racism.
***For overly large plant life on patios and DTV satellites.
Welcome to NYC!
New York City?!
I’m not even gonna say it.
Okay, okay….get a rope…
We don’t have HOAs in NYC, but we do have the dreaded co-op boards.
For some reason, a lot of the apartments in Boston are actually condos — someone buys the unit and then decides to rent it out. My owner/landlord is awesome. The condo association is not. They got annoyed with me for not having a license plate on my broken car* while I was waiting to decide whether to go the “fix and sell” route, donate it, or scrap it. It didn’t matter to them that it’s LEGAL in Mass to have a car without a plate as long as it’s not going anywhere, they just didn’t like how it looked. So I had to put my old Oregon plate on it until I had it towed away just to shut them up.
*The car was a ’94 Altima — neither ugly nor on blocks. It just wasn’t running anymore.
From Chicago there comes a Sparky McRose.
Who wanted a concrete head he could pose.
For only a buck.
He’d have no such luck.
All he could get was a hair for the nose.
Why does Cermaic make me think of the Fertile Crescent?
Joseph of Cermaithia?
I thought most high school boys were interested in the other Fertile Crescent?
Nice to know someone’s paying attention in History class.
Well, my World History Class’s theme song is Fat Bottomed Girls it seems, so, yeah.
I’m going to prove my faith in humanity*
and hope that it is a kid who has been studying Percy Bysshe Shelley who then became overly enthusiastic about his school project.
* I don’t actually have any.
“Ode to a Giant Cermaic or Concrete Head” is my favorite Shelley poem.
Would “Cermaic” be a Welsh dialect of Arimatheic?
Geek, ok, human head is about 6″ wide, 9″ for and aft, and about 9″ tall.
Bump to 48″ is 5.3x, or about 32″ wide, about 48″ front to back and 48″ tall. Which my calculator ciphers to 73728 cubic inches, or 42.6 cubic feet, which is a bit more than 1.58 cubic yards.
Concrete is 3915#/yard, about 6200# for our putative concrete head.
Ah, a nice slight 387 #/sf which outh to sink nicely into most yards.
Even going with lightweight gunnite shot onto a wire and mesh armature, it’d stil lbe about 1200# which would drop to a simpler 75#/sf
I (being in the trade) could probably get a yard and a half of redi-mix delivered for $1100. Getting it placed and finished . . .
Gunnite would probably run $400 ($670 for LWT) for materials, but, it’s about $1200 to bring the truck out and get it set up.
Sorry, Sparky, you are ceramaic outta luck for a dollar.
Ooh, here you go: “A 48″ Moai” .
Or “DIY to make your own Moai”
CapnMac, you salty dog, here’s your special Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Washington!
Do I get a honorary punch for being the inspiration?
What about a poke in the ribs?
A little slap and tickle?
…
Why is everyone laughing at me?
A Punch. a punch, a most palpable punch.
Bellevue to you, too (and if the esspresso-heads in Redmond don’t like it, well Juan de Fuca them and give them vintage fruit loops)
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://eggheads.ucdavis.edu/tour/images/yin_yang.jpg&imgrefurl=http://eggheads.ucdavis.edu/tour/tour.html&usg=__u39Dbwc1qXUFF8mSHg4s_0xlrjw=&h=300&w=450&sz=41&hl=en&start=2&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=vBpQnjB0mZpEaM:&tbnh=85&tbnw=127&prev=/images%3Fq%3Duc%2Bdavis%2Bhead%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3DUVP%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26tbs%3Disch:1
UC Davis? Anybody?