YSaC, Vol. 669: Have we got some doorstops for you!
You know the big problem with buying things on Craigslist? Every now and then, the process breaks down, and you inadvertently get something that’s just a little less than you expected. These posters want to make sure your expectations are accurate going into the transaction.
locking large upright freezer – $40
Large up-right cream color, locking, freezer.
Works – last used a couple years ago, we noticed the items were not solidly frozen.
very nice, locking door – could make a great locking file cabinet – no rust or scratches! NICE !
This is obviously some new definition of the word “works” with which I was previously unfamiliar. I was under the impression that the point of freezers was, in fact, to keep things solidly frozen. But who cares? After all, it’s NICE !
Let’s see what else we can find…
Whirlpool Dishwasher that doesn’t work
Whirlpool dishwasher. About 4-5 years old. Does not work but looks very pretty. Maybe someone who likes hand washing dishes would like it? For pick up only.
Now see, this is much less disingenuous. (I can’t believe I successfully spelled that right on the first try.) They’re not trying to market this as a file cabinet, or portable wine cellar, or miniature TARDIS or whatever. Nope. What you see is what you get, bub. It’s a broken dishwasher. You want a broken dishwasher, we got a broken dishwasher. Sure is pretty, ain’t it?
What I really appreciate about this ad is the question mark. The average sucky Craigslister would just ASSUME that there’s someone out there who hates washing dishes that wants to go to the effort of purchasing and installing a broken dishwasher. “Perfect for someone who likes handwashing dishes!” they would say. But not this poster. There’s a certain element of pathos in that uncertain, pleading question: “Maybe someone who likes hand washing dishes would like it?” I imagine this said in the same tone of voice as Oliver Twist asking for more gruel.
Here’s one that’s either even more clear, or possibly less:
Torch, works great, just dont use it – $500
Works great, just dont use it. call me at ###-###-#### for details.
Is that the reason you’re selling it, or a dire warning? I’m not sure I’d risk finding out.
Thanks for the submissions, Lupine, Michelle, and Doug!
I’m guessing the third posting was written by somebody in congress. It reads in a very similar way to the patriot act.
The first rule of the patriot act is don’t read the patriot act. It’s a great act, just don’t read it.
Taco, I think you just broke the first rule of Patriot Act Fight Club.
And the second.
Welcome to Planet Craigslist. Everything you need is available to you, but every thing comes with conditions. Freezer works great if you like soft serve ice cream and hamburger. Dishwasher looks great but can’t wash a dish. The torch? You want to know about the torch? Just don’t use it.
What’s the point of buying a broken dishwasher if you’re someone who likes to wash dishes by hand (ha! no one LIKES washing dishes) ? That’s what the sink is for.
It’s the sandbox-boat all over again.
Freakishly, I have a friend who likes washing dishes. She lives alone, so it’s just her and the cat’s dishes. That’s not a lot, but I live alone, and since moving out of my undergraduate apartment have only had one year at a residence with a dishwasher and I LOVED it. If I could emphasize this any more I would (what’s the html for “Underline”?). She has a mobile dishwasher that someone gave her and she uses it as an island counter in her kitchen. Well, whatever. She’s otherwise sane, so I haven’t questioned it. So, it’s not impossible that someone would like to wash dishes, but I doubt they’d pick this up, no matter HOW pretty it is. To me, clean dishes are even prettier.
Lo, I think you just use u like you’d use b for bold or i for italics.
(I hope you can imagine how tricky it was to type that.)
Edited to add: apparently I was wrong about that HTML tag…
… at least for this particular webpage style. Using u works fine on my blog.
I can’t say that I love washing dishes, but I do prefer hand washing to the dishwasher. Of course this is the very reason that we did not install a dishwasher when we renovated. Though we did add the connections in the event that we sell the house to normal folks in the future.
Isaac, perhaps you’ll find something that works at the following location.
Huh. According to that site, the u tag is dead. I suspect a connection to the fact that MLA now says book titles must be italicized as opposed to underlined.
Thanks for the heads-up, Astro. I guess the MLA is trying to save me (and everyone else)from being redundant, even at the cost of emphasis.
*grumble*
When in doubt, blame MLA.
“Man this recession is horrible!”
“Yeah, the MLA sure screwed us this time!”
“Yeah!… wait, what?”
I’m sure that you could convince some anti-higher-ed troglodyte that the MLA really is the source of our problems. Buy them enough tinfoil to make hats for the family, the dogs, and the cats, and they’ll listen to anything!
Been hanging with my uncle’s family, have you?
Y’know, in my profession, the MLA actually is the source of problems… and nuisances … and hassles … But don’t tell them I said that. (And here I commence wearing my tinfoil beanie again.)
Ok, is it me – or is the funniest thing about this string of comments is that Lola had to explain that her friend – who has a cat – lives alone. Of COURSE she lives alone – with her cat. Woman + cat = living alone. Perhaps I’m just sensitive to the “one cat away from the crazy cat lady” phenomenom – but I thought that was a nice, subtle bit of funniness.
When my wife and I were appartment shopping back at the end of our college days we were treated to the best/worst slimey sales woman ever.
The appartments were listed as having in-unit washer/dryer and a dishwasher. Forgiving the fact that the place was a bit of a dive, we noticed that the appartment had none of the ammenities listed. After mentioning it:
“Oh yes, we’re sorry about the dishwaser. It’s a typo on our advertisement.”
Me: “‘In unit dishwasher’ is a typo? (I have the advert with me and am reading from it)”
“Yes. It was supposed to say ‘No in unit dishwasher’.”
Me: “Under ammenities?”
“Yes. Don’t worry though, once you get used to doing them by hand it isn’t so bad.”
Me: “Ok then. Where are the in unit washer and dryer?”
“They’re under the staircase in the basement.”
Me: “So they aren’t in unit then?”
“Yes they are, they’re in the building!”
Me: “Yeah, we’re done here.”
It actually makes a great drying rack. I’ve been places with dishwashers that I never use, except as drying racks…
That’s what I use my dishwasher for! It broke about a week after we moved in, and the maintenance guy STILL hasn’t shown up about it a year later – so I call it my built in dish strainer, haha. Great for clearing up counter space, and storing cups, I guess.
My sister uses hers as dish storage. With three kids it’s just easier to keep them in there.
In Soviet Russia, torch uses you!
Hmmm…how the heck did this get here?!?! It was supposed to be a reply under Taco’s initial Patriot act comment. Weird…
The Patriot Act says that you can’t post replys to posts about the Patriot Act.
I think it is really sad that poster #3 won’t let me use that torch. I know of a doll and a Sheep throne I’d like to kill with fire. Guess i’ll have to do it the old fashioned way…
*gets out magnifying glass and waits for the sun to come out*
All you can carry TacoMagic – 14 BOVC*.
I have a TacoMagic that used to run great; however, after an unfortunate ‘splosion it doesn’t work nearly as well. Would work great as a conversation piece if put on your table, or you could even use it to fertilize the lawn! It’s pretty if you like that kinda thing. Bring your own bucket and shovel when picking it up.
*Boxes of Vintage Cereal.
Taco, we actually missed you over the weekend. 8)
I apologize for always taking the weekends off. It’s my job on the weekends to wrangle the TicoTaco. Add 4 hours of gardening and yard work to that and you get a Taco too tired to snark. (Ooooh alliteration!)
A too tired Taco? Touche!
Yes, I am stupid today, if you must know. Stupid tired. I lost two whole hours of sleep this week, and my body is shutting down on me. Stupid parents making me go to bed at 9:30 until I was 20 years old. Stupid body for getting used to all that sleep.
Does this come with original taco box?
“however, after an unfortunate ’splosion it doesn’t work nearly as well.”
WELL, YOUR HEAD A SPLODE?
Ooh! TacoBox! Unlike a (Capn)Mac, people actually make programs and stuff for it!
There you go, alienate some of the most artistic and vehement computer users (and their O/S is definitely Not.A.Lion).
PS. [ins] does not underline here.
How was it alienation? I merely repeated the most common argument for a PC over a Mac: People make more stuff compatible with PCs than with Macs. Baa.
Well, let me then invoke the Eastern European Car arguement against the “superiority” of MS.
Premise is this: “Everyone uses MS, so it has to be the best?”*
Response is that “Until ’90, everyone in East Germany drove a Trabant; that did not make it the best German car.
________
*Observed: Almost all (non-MS Marketing) people attempting to defend MS’s superiority, end such statements as interrogatives, rather than imperitives.
I’ve thought about opening an inconvenience store. It would be out of your way, and have nothing you want.
I once ran a hostility house. We wouldn’t serve you any food, and if you asked for some you were given a taunting you wouldn’t soon forget.
No soup for you!
Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Time to joke completion:
6 hours 3 minutes
Thanks Bridgete, I was afraid nobody was going to do it.
Glad I could help. I would have completed it sooner but I was studying. =)
Coincidentally, I just “bought” that movie with my Westlaw points. I was shocked to discover I didn’t already have it. I’ve seen it so many times I can’t quite believe I was always watching someone else’s copy. I guess a few times I might have caught it on TV…but still.
Taco: Not a Hostel, a Hostile.
I’ve known people who felt hostile about their hostel stays.
That is so awesome, Silva. Would you carry unblublers?
Yes, but only in nice weather 😉
Ah, visble to customers, but locked up, with a placard indicated the sale is forbidden by Blue (Sky) Laws, naturally.
I bet she would, but they’d be full of holes.
Hol(e)y Unblubler!
You know… I think I’ve been to a few inconvenience stores. I was dragged to them a lot as a kid. Only, my parents used to call them antique stores. Potato, potato.
Dan Quayle: “Why Pat, can I buy a vowel for $250? I’ll buy two “e”s. I like my spuds with a heavy helping of typo.”
You have ONE little speeling problem…
Really? Yours called them antique stores? Mine call them clothing stores.
It’s not so bad until we get to the pants. They make me try on every pair, regardless of the fact that I tried on already, it fit just fine, and the others are all the same brand and size.
It seems like insanity until you get that pair of pants that is 2 sizes smaller than what you can uncomfortably fit into and it’s labeled the same as the rest.
I now have a string that’s sized to my waist which I use to measure my pants before purchase. It saves time actually trying the pants on and it makes sure I don’t end up with eye bulgingly tight pants.
Maybe it’s because women tend to carry handbags, but keeping track of a specific piece of string seems potentially onerous to me and I would rather just carry a small tape measure for the same purpose.
They are still called that. My Mom has a list.
Lola – She has a tape measure, too.
Taco, do you also have a string the size of your massive link? That would be an important measurement as well, I would think. *looks innocently at crowd*
Forget store, I think we could fill a warehouse with just CL stuff…and I’ll bet there’s people out there that would gladly trade their vintage cereals and bags of chips for the things you’d have.
“I think we could fill a warehouse with just CL stuff”
These places exist. They’re called “Antique Malls.”
That’s a weird thing to call a dorm room.
I have learned (the hard way, naturally) that the difference between CL/garbage sales and any place with “antique” in the title, is that the latter does not get “For Sale Free” at all.
Especially when the items still requiire cleaning (the clay form Aunt Clem’s place is not “patina” )
Silva, I believe I have shopped (attempted to shop) there whilst traveling when there were no other options. Terrible, stale, inedible, unidentifiable food and beverages, “help” who make Dante from “Clerks” look like McDonald’s employee of the month and who looked like that creepy inbred family from that “X-Files” episode, LOCKED BATHROOMS, high-priced gas, glass in the parking lot that I was sure was there on purpose so they could sell you a high-priced replacement tire that would go flat on schedule, etc.
Or how about the places where the bathrooms are locked, and the key is inside, behind the counter, the clerk speaks little English and once you FINALLY convey you really, really, really need that key it’s attached to a 2X4 or a tire or something as unwieldy – as if you’d want to take off with the bathroom key??!! – then you enter this most-guarded of places, and find there’s not a single surface in the entire room that’s not a)sticky and/or b)covered in some kind of unidentifiable black-ish goo.
Yeah, good times…good times indeed.
Yeah, I’ve been in those bathrooms. The only reason they don’t have hookers and drug dealers in them is that even they have standards, and those toilets do not meet them.
Freezing cold water, gritty* powdered soap, and unabsorbent paper towels, anyone?
*WHY was that always so painfully scratchy?
Ever been to a thrift store bathroom?
It’s better just to hold it, but if you have to go there is some interesting reading on the door.
Saddest thrift store story, ever: I went to college with a guy whose father’s business dealings included thrift stores. J. said the most depressing thing he’d ever seen were people so impoverished they were buying used underwear from the thrift store because that was all they could afford.
The marching band video I was in one year had a sketch about an inconvenience store. It had an insecurity guard.
…marching band video I was in…
I think you may have just told us more about yourself than you wanted to.
Does explain a few things though.
Oh, and I was never in a marching band. Nope, not ever. *Walks away whistling innocently*
When I wasn’t in marching band, we never didn’t do sketches. And we certainly never didn’t do videos of them.
Single, double, double negative. So there are two triple negatives? Or are there 5 single negatives? What about the band!
Arrrggghhhhh!
*TACOSPLODE!*
We’re not going to not need a mop over here.
Dan, are you saying you were in the Y— Precision Marching Band?
I think I’ll take the 5th on that one.
Wait, I went to college with an ostrimu?
Oh.My.
Dinkles.Shako.Parade Rest. Dan’s a ♭and Geek?DINKLES! I was a marching band nerd too!
I hung out with bandos – can’t play anything with the possible exception of the triangle and the radio to save my life, but they were good friends – and … there are STILL Dinkles?!?
Dinkles are. Dinkles were. Dinkles will be. Dinkles permeate the timestream at every aspect, since John Phillip Sousa spake “Let there be music!”, and until a Disney cookie cutter pop star shall speak the words of Armageddon in the distant endtime.
Nice to know there is some folk-memory consistency in the world, even if peripherally to me. The older I get, the less this is so. *waves cane at youngster in celebratory fashion*
Yay for band geeks! I was one too. You just haven’t lived until you’ve played an instrument while simultaneously trying to hit a mark and not get knocked out by an enthusiatic colorguard member who may or may not catch the flag they just launched over your head. (Bonus points for taking out field judges though.)
Yes!
Yes! I like when parade season begins, we do a mock parade around the school.
And our principal is so awesome. He drives around after school in a golf cart, and we practice in the senior parking lot. There is a football player who likes to ignore the announcements, and leave his car parked in the middle of everything after school. Our principal noticed this, so he drove over, and leaning out of his golf cart, told us in a stage whisper to “Pick it up and move it!“. When the low brass section combined muscles, we succeeded in removing it from the field. The football player, when he came back, then proceeded to flip us off and run over a guard flag. He wasn’t there the next day.
One of the best pieces of writing on marching band and high school and geekiness in general is Sarah Vowell’s “Music Lessons.” It’s in her book “Take the Cannoli” and her reading of it was also on This American Life. “Tico Tico,” indeed.
Does anyone else suspect that Astro’s principal may have also been in band? Just a thought.
I used to love my Dinkles! However, I had the misfortune to lose one while changing on a bus after a contest in Virginia. I suppose whoever took it needed more than I, though I must say I feel a bit foolish having one-and-a-half pairs of marching shoes.
Oh My Dinkles! Those were probably the absolute most comfortable pair of shoes EVER.
Thank you, for reminding me. It’s been 10 years since I last wore my Dinkles, and I remember them (and their freakish orange insoles) like it was yesterday…
I’ve had a similar thought… Chinese restaurant misfortune cookies…
No matter what fortune I actually get from a cookie, I always claim I get the one that says “You like Chinese food.” as that is my favorite BS cookie to end up with.
I told you that story so I could tell you this one:
At my sister’s wedding they handed out custom fortune cookies to all the guests. 75% of all the cookies had fortunes saying things relevant to the wedding (TacoSis & TacoBrolaw 2006, etc) 25% were filled with “You like Chinese food”. Apparently most of the Taco family started filling in for me when I left for college.
I set the strangest trends.
Ditto on the fortune cookies. Got so weird, I started writing them down. Two that pop out:
“You will soon be crossing desert sands for a fun vacation”
“You make people realize that there exist other beauties in the world.”
Wow, have a nice meal and then have to contemplate emulating Lawrence of Arabia. Or, to be told you are a “modern art masterpiece”
My wife got a demotivational fortune cookie once.
“Your attention to detail may inhibit your success.”
Yeah, thanks cookie.
For your enjoyment (and my continuing befuddlement), a triplet:
“Your problem just got bigger. Think, what have done?”
“When the moment comes, take the top one”
“Behind an able man, there are always.”
To my thinking the best ever was the one my parents got at their rehearsal dinner (and which was preserved in their album); it’s like awesome future + poor translation:
“You are doomed to be happy.”
The most puzzling fortune cookie I ever got was “If cookie is broken in 3, the answer is no“. I didn’t know I was supposed to ask the cookie a question first (and it was broken in 2).
Another actual one was “It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it” oh ho ho ho, nice veiled insult there cookie (planning on using that one in a comic strip).
“If cookie is broken in 3, the answer is no“
Finally! A rationalization for using the hammer to open fortune cookies. And they said there couldn’t be a good reason for it.
@CapnMac:
This:
“Behind an able man, there are always.”
is inaccurate. There are many more ways behind a disabled man.
And to continue the discussion… I once got a fortune cookie that said, “Kiss the one who sits next to you.” Probably the most tangible, and most harmful, advice a cookie has EVER given me.
Anyway… my misfortune cookies would be full of things that you suspect, but that no one will tell you. Things like,
“She lied. Again.”
And,
“Today would be a good day to write your will.”
Taco- You never need an excuse to use unreasonable force. That is why the
sledgehammerSarcasm Stick was invented.My friend taught me to put ‘in bed’ at the end of every fortune. Now every time I go to a Chinese restaurant I wind up cackling like a madman and my family can’t figure out why.
I learned it as between the sheets. 8) My daughter loves that, and I even found a card for her that says, When NOT to add “in Bed” to your fortune: You will grow closer to your family. You will achieve career success. You will meet hundreds of people.
Dunno, adding “in bed” to 4 of the five I cited verbatim improved none of those; and could be argued would make the fifth even more derogatory,
@Laurelhach
The best “in bed” fortune I ever got went thusly:
“You have an unusual equipment for success; use it wisely.”
XD
I think they make some of them up for the sole purpose of being easily transmogrified into something perverted.
I cannot stop giggling at the last one…works great, don’t use it…*snicker*…
/corey/ It looks like an oxy/acetylene set up, for welding, and if “don’t use” comes as part of the instructions, you better heed that warning, unless you’re planning your own accidental-jihad in your garage./endcorey/
Theology-corey question: Do jihads count if they are on accident? Or is intent a necessary part of the deal?
No answer to your question, but this reminds me of one of my favorite movies.
The Accidental Jihad
When a burqahed camel trainer crosses paths with a shy Muslim warlord, hijinks and pathos ensue. With Geenah al-Davis.
Only in retrospect, Lola, only in retrospect.
/corey/ I don’t know about theologically speaking, but legally speaking, yes, intent would be a requirement. No intent to commit a crime (such as acts of terrorism) means there was no mens rea (guilty mind), which is a necessary element of a crime. Even manslaughter requires intentional recklessness. /corey/
Lola, if you knew that already because you work at a law firm, I apologize. I know the non-lawyers learn a lot just by being there, but I also know they usually only pick up whatever the firm practices in…or, in the case of biglaw, whatever department they usually deal with the most. =)
Bridgete, I was actually not thinking of the legal aspects (for once) but it’s good to know (and I didn’t know, IP litigation usually doesn’t go there). I’m going to remember to never, ever mean to do anything … it’ll all just happen. That’s OK, right? 😉
Now that I think of it, you may have mentioned that you work in IP litigation. So…glad I could enlighten you. =) As for your “I didn’t mean to” theory…sure, give it a shot.* 😉
*Not to be construed in any way as “legal advice”.
Given that most religions have a certain amount of pre-determinism built in, couldn’t it be argued that, regardless of the subjective intention of the meat puppet (or “believer” as they prefer to be called), if it is the will of the relevant deity that Sparky create an ironically Darwinian human fireworks display, there’s no possibility of mens rea, as the actus reus presupposes a certain assumption of inevitability on Sparky’s part?
OR, I’ve been up too late reading Sparky’s Antipodean cousins’ affidavits.
@Bridgete
Not quite. Mens rea is required for any crime, but there are several different types of mens rea, including situations where, although no actual criminal activity was intended, your actions reflect such a blatant disregard for the safety of others that your careless act is deemed criminally negligent.
/corey>
(NZ corey) Not sure if it’s the same where y’all are, but here in Kiwiland we have some crimes where MR is irrelevant, like parking infringements. ‘They’ don’t care if you didn’t _intend_ to stay longer than 2 hours, and you can bet your life (or wallet contents) ‘they’ will be sitting there, waiting, watching, practically salivating as the clock ticks to 2:00:01! (/NZ corey, parking witch rant)
Try using [these], used due to their alternate use on certain forums for BB (or Bulletin Board) Code
Sorted, cheers Astro. 🙂 I’m’a go ahead and blame my density on the fact it still feels like a Monday, despite being Tuesday. Sigh, oh pseudo-Mondays, how I detest thee…
OK, now I know that Lola and I not only work in the same neighborhood but in the same practice area…
Innnnneresting …
@D/DM – I know. I leave out the minutiae when explaining legal things to non-lawyers. It helps me relate to other people if I don’t ramble on in legalese until their eyes glaze over.
@Jen – Staying too long at a parking meter is a violation, not a crime. Violations often don’t have a mens rea requirement.
Yeah, the [corey] in me is pretty sure Sparky #3 has switched over to electrical-resistance welding, and no longer uses a gas torch.
More fool Sparky, then–that Lincoln welder is handy, but does not cut so very well.
/theology-corey/ Jihad means a struggle in the way of God. So, it only counts if, during your demise, you thought “Oh God!” or “God |) / |/| || it!” (pseuod-Censored not so much for unwillingness to type a dirty word, but more because it looks cooler.)/theology-corey/
How this got below Capn instead of Lola’s reply tree, I’ll never know. But pretend it’s up there.
See, I knew someone, somewhere, would come along and ‘splain it. Thank you Astro.
Aw, my pseudo-censor looked cooler when I typed it, but apparently, in addition to underlining, we’re not allowed back-slashes either.
I blame the MLA.
(We’re talking about the Manuscript Liberation Army, right? I mean, why else would they care so much about things like underlining v. italicization?)
Shouldn’t that be the PMLA, the Pendant MLA?
Shouldn’t it? (Don’t leave me hangin’ . . . )
Alright, but that was a poor choice of words. **pushes Capn off the cliff.**
And…this is the point that I sheepishly admit that we just use our dishwasher for storage. I’d like to redeem myself by saying that it came with the apartment and that enough storage did NOT come with the apartment…or that we own too many things like potato ricers, tortilla presses, and cake pans shaped like Oreo cookies.
When a friend of mine built his dream house he had 2 dishwashers put in the kitchen. One holds the clean dishes while the other is being loaded.
I can’t decide if he’s lazy, insane, or brilliant. Probably all three.
My parents use their dishwasher for storing pastries, cookies, etc. After a large family meal, my mom and willing volunteers dive in for a frantic dish-washing marathon before settling down to visit with guests.
Ok, kitchen-design [corey]. When Fisher & Paykel first marketed their DishDrawer dishwasher, one of the sleeing points they used was that you could use a pair of the single drawer units as storage for compact kitchens. Idea was that you filled the empty from the full, then ran the the full one so that it was the “clean” one.
Great idea, pretty spiffy product; only hiccup was that the single drawer unit was about 1.75x an upper-end ‘standard’ dishwasher. The stacked double drawer unit looked more like a standard unit, performed much the same way, and cost 2, 2.5x what a middle-market DW did.
Kennmore rebranded the discount double-drawer F&P, which had half the features; yet was still more expensive than an upper-end DW that did more. Go figure.
[/corey]
“…And…this is the point that I sheepishly admit….”
Hey Kae! I know this chair, okay, it’s more like a throne that would be perfect for you……
Hey Kae! Nothin’…I just like saying “hey kae”….*giggle*
*looks at med bottle* How many of these did I take? *there’s 1, 2, 3…forgets counting* Aw, to hell with it..what’s one more pain pill?
*trips off after something shiny…or it could be unblublereeyy*
I would take it, but I think it would clash with my goat couch.
I just found a second listing from the pretty but broken dishwasher folks.
“Dirty Dishes – All You Can Wash” We have a great opportunity for you! We know some people like washing dishes? So we have all the dirty dishes you can imagine. All you have to do is wash, dry, and put them away. We will continue to provide as many dishes as you want/need. Hurry! Don’t miss out!
I have something for you!
“Bread Basket: Beautiful white bread basket. Upright design holds two slices of bread at a time. Sleek white face, cute decorative buttons. Lever slides bread up and down-push down to store bread, pop up when ready to make a sandwich! A great addition to any kitchen!!!”
Can I use it to store my mail in? I mean one slot can be for incoming mail and the other for outgoing mail.
Honestly…that’s not a bad idea.
Heyyyyyyyyyyy….I have one of those! Only mine’s chrome…shiny chrome…ooh, look, shiny.chrome.shiny.chrome.shiny.chrome.
Next time on a very special “One Bacontini to Drink”:
Lola: Dishwasher, you haven’t worked all summer. If you don’t get a job soon I’m dumping you.
Dishwasher: I can change baby, just give me a chance. I’ve hit a spot of bad luck, but soon my acting career will take off. I’m too pretty not to be an actor.
Lola: You can’t act Dishy, and nobody wants you in their movie! Now you better get a real job or I’m out of here!
* * * Scene Change * * *
Freezer: I know I’m not as cool as I used to be. Maybe I should just give up this racket and start my own business. I know a little about filing, so I could probably do organization, right?”
CJ: Don’t quit Freezer, even if your work isn’t as solid as it used to be, the people still love you. Maybe you just need a new slogan. “It’s cool to be hot” springs to mind.
* * * Scene Change * * *
SilvaNoir: Torch, I don’t think this relationship is going anywhere. You’re a nice kid, but I just don’t think we’re made for each other.
Torch: You used me Silva! You used me! You got all that metal cutting done and now you’re leaving? What about me, what about my needs?!
SilvaNoir: Hey, you knew what this was. Don’t try to lay your hangups on me. You WANTED to be used, otherwise you’d never have lit for me!
I think I just peed my pants reading this. It’s not helping that it’s raining outside.
So, to update the list, you should not do any of the following when reading YSaC comments:
Drink anything
Eat anything
Be in a place that requires silence
Hold your full bladder
From Mudsy’s comment, I’m also going to suggest that the site be read by those with weak bladders only during clement weather (or not while one of those “soothing sounds” CDs is playing).
So I shouldn’t bring my laptop to church? Thanks for the warning!
Interesting fact:
The church that my inlaws go to has 37 hanging lamps and 14 inset lamps in the main room. I’ve counted them many times.
Also, apparently that little fold down bar isn’t a foot rest.
Here’s another little tidbit that you should remember: That birdbath you pass when you enter the doors, well, don’t throw your pennies in it and make a wish.
It’s apparently also not “good form” to offer the priest a rebuttal. Who knew.
Or your academic vestments, either
Apparently, it’s very bad form to loudly proclaim (during the Mass) that you cannot understand a single f***ing word the priest is saying, adding after your companion whispers something to you, “Latin? Who the hell speaks Latin nowadays?”*
*this may or may not have been overheard by me in church one day, after which not wetting my pants may or may not have been impossible*
After my last choir concert, I learned from an audience member that a couple drunk people showed up and were in the back, throwing holy water on each other and yelling something about being vampires. I WISH I could have seen that.
PS – No, I’m not in a church choir, we just have an arrangement with the church to hold our performances there. Best place to find good acoustics, since we can’t exactly afford to reserve Symphony Hall.
But your Rose knows a certain vicar who can act dishy…
Sadly, I found that missing comma, after my time had expired.,,
Overcompensation is the key.
“Overcompensation is the key.”
This explains rather a lot of male behaviour, now that you actually state it …
Well, what did you think drove us? Lace doilies? Maybe something else made of lace could be a reasonable answer, but still.
And when we say “items” we mean the neighbor kid was only partially frozen when we found him. Lock works real good!
I like how the freezer can only be used as a file cabinet, because that’s the only lockable storage anyone needs! Let’s see, I’ll keep the cash account here in the meat drawer; the rest of my assets in the vegetable bin. Cold cash and frozen assets, just what everyone needs.
When I was a kid, my parents actually would keep their money in the freezer, right underneath the bag of candy bars. (One hopes any potential thief didn’t have a sweet tooth)
Woah. It’s a Not.A.Santa. in your avatar.
It’s my not.a.lion in a not.an. Ohio.State Santa hat!
Dear Sir,
Is your semi-working freezer big enough to hold a porcelain doll? She is about 16″ tall. You said the door locks. Does that means it locks locks? Like with a key? I needs to make sure it really locks. Also, do you think it’s sound-proof? Like if something made a screaming sound inside it, would you still hear it? One more thing, have you ever noticed whether or not it seems to block psychic energy? That one’s not a deal-breaker. Just thought I’d ask.
I always wondered, how many millimeters of lead do you need to block a poltergeist?
I’ve got a linear accelerator room at work here and I’ve always wondered if it was ghost proof. I mean it’ll block 15MEV neutrons, so it’s gotta stop a ghost cold, right? Ghosts have a hard enough time producing more than statistically insignificant background EMF signals, so there’s no way they could penetrate that. Right?
I wonder what the Ghost Busters use to line their ghost tank?
Cantimgaginium 339?
Academicium 134?
perhaps
Bureaucratiom -15!
HIKE!
I see I’m not the only person to burst out in explosive laughter when I first heard of the rare material: “Unobtanium.” I mean seriously, you spend 80 gazillion dollars on a movie and that’s the best name you could come up with? A cat and a keyboard would have produced something better.*
*For those who doubt that. Take 1 cat and place on keyboard. With a little parsing, you can get good stuff out of the resulting mash of letters.
I have a D&D character I named this way: The Goblin “Gakaparth” the sweaty.
If you don’t have a cat, I find that a baby will work almost as well.
How about a Guinea Pig?
Avatar has nice visuals (from the preview I’ve seen) but the overly simplistic plot and things like that keep me away.
It’s almost as bad as a Captain Planet episode “Haha, I’m polluting for the fun of it!”
You scare me sometimes, TM.
Sometimes?! Sometimes?!
Remember that this is the man who attempted to type with coffee mugs.
*Points up at CJ*
What she said.
(Look, I got it right!)
Eeka lead, probably
[corey] The name “unobtanium” was apparently not invented for the movie. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unobtainium [/corey]
Dear Dan,
thank you for the fact that you wrote someone might consider marketing a broken dishwasher as a miniature TARDIS. Your existence certainly makes the world a little better.
So tell me, would a miniature TARDIS be only slightly bigger on the inside? It could be smaller, but considering it’s a dishwasher I think that would be mildly impractical. Why a dishwasher, anyways? You think the Chameleon Circuit would choose something a little less likely to get filled with soap–you can never get all the suds out of the console. Makes it shiny, though.
I concur … he certainly makes my world a LOT better!
Really hilarious comment, will make you snort, just don’t read it.
Schroedinger’s comment.
Graham!!! Come by more often.
Class, here are your papers returned with grades. CapnMac got an A. Everyone else, good thing you got that extra credit, if you did. 8)
MandaB, I have some Facebook farming to do, then I’ll be back to punch you. You know the drill by now.
Woohoo! Thank you thank you thank you!
It’s 1AM and I am not sleeping thanks to the babay. Perhaps a punch will help me snooze after she settles back down.
*holds out punch card, NOT in front of face*
Sock it to me, Windrose!
OOps. Fell asleep. Delayed punchity-punch punch, MandaB!
G’Night, MLA!
heh, TARDIS.