YSaC, Vol. 645: Wait … how many sides does a vampire have?
OCTAGON END TABLE – $15
OCTAGON END TABLE. ACTUALLY HAVE 2. 1 SHOWN IS GREAT CONDITION, THE OTHER IS GOOD CONDITION. ASKING 15 EACH. BOTH ARE MADE WITH DOORS ON THE UNDERNEATH FOR STORAGE. IF INTERESTED PLEASE CALL xxx xxx xxxx. THANK YOU
Ah, yes. The hypothesized octagon end table — the logical counterpart to the hexagonal poker table topper. Apparently the principle of the conservation of drawers also applies to table sides.
Whatever shall we put on our octagon end table, or in the storage underneath?
Fictional Books for sale!!! – $20
Marked, Wicked, Uninvited, Eragon, and Vampire Kisses 1&2, i read them and don’t want them anymore but they were awesome reads
going for $20 all together or $1.50
If you’re tired of reading all of those books that actually exist, why not try reading fictional books? Fictional books — possibly guaranteed to not actually exist!
Unfortunately for the state of literature today, I’m pretty sure that these aren’t fictional books.
What is fictional is the grasp of math: I’m relatively certain that 6 * $1.50 does not equal $20. Unless vampire currency has been devalued recently, and she’s allowing for the current exchange rate.
Yes, our octagon table is shaping up nicely, what with the eight sides and fictional books to place on top. But we’ll need an appropriate lamp to not read by — one that isn’t too bright, so as not to scare the vampires away!
ELEPHANT LAMP
It looks like a depressed hemophiliac child finger-painted all over it.
That should keep the fictional vampires happy!
Thanks to Jocelyn, Mel, and Tanshin for the ads!
I’m wondering where they found a depressed hemophiliac child in order to recognize fingerpaintings by said child. Perhaps they put an ad on CL?
Happy Friday, people!
I think that posting is ENTIRELY off base.
It’s obviously painted by a bipolar hydrocephalic child and not a depressed hemophiliac.
It’s just as easy to get these things right.
I think the poster just means the lamp is besmeared with the blood of the innocent.
I would be tempted to purchase the revolting lamp purely because of the seller’s refreshing honesty, but then I would be dooming myself to a lifetime of nightmares. And possibly a haunting of some sort, if that really is some poor child’s blood.
I’m thinking the OP was neither the purchaser nor proud owner of the lamp (breakup, anyone?) and so they just wanted to get rid of it; instead of pretending it’s good when it isn’t, they just went for the camp/hipster selling angle. If they do that right = bidding war!
Don’t worry, the marks on it are red. Dried blood on paper or cloth isn’t red, it’s brown.
I’ve injured myself enough times to know this ^_^;
You know, I’d always wondered what happened to The Doors after they broke up. Apparently they make a nice octohexagon when varnished properly.
Taco, you should add conservation of drawers to your Seussian YSaC pursuits. 🙂
Well hello dere Octagon table. You know Bacontini, he like de women wit de obtuse angles. Dey give Bacontini more to love. Yes, de more obtuse your angles, de more Bacontini love you.
Yes, Bacontini in love wit de obtuse angel he see here.
Bacontini, Topper better not hear you said that! 8)
My parents have that end table, and they are getting rid of things in order to move. They know how to count, otherwise I’d suspect that camera angle was definitely my mother at work, even so … MOM! Step AWAY from the CRAIGSLIST!
… ahem. Sorry for shouting, as you were, then.
Yeah, the last one gets a “possibly awesome” tag for the description. What really makes it even more possibly awesome is how nicely it will go with the not.a.lion rug, paintings, medallions, etc.
As for the fictional books … it makes me sad that they actually exist.
Don’t worry, dear – he’s all talk. Bacontini knows if he ever tried anything, I’d have his teabags for poker chips.
Well, you do have more of de obtuse angles den she does. Bacontini learning to appreciate what he have.
Of course, wit both of you Bacontini’d have 14 obtuse angles.
Bacontini only saying.
Well, your birthday is coming up…
I’ll think about it. But no pictures this time.
Lo, it is the state of the world today, I fear share similar worries that that are too many “decorator” books out there, only they have words in them and get listed on the NTYBSL and are made into equally vapid high-grossing [entendre sig.] h’wood movies.
O that we could invest soi disant H’wood
As a modern-day harfleur
Storm-ed in righteous justice raised a Breech
And to the Breech, ag’in or wall it up wi’ our “English (lit)” dead.
In time of Peace naught so beguiles as quiet modesty
But, with the antics of Paris et all, let the blood rise
as stiffen the contenance into that of the Not.A.Lion!
Loose! Loose Mars’ hounds and let them slake their lusts
And our Ire in the wretched decadent preening coxcombs!
My parents had that exact same end table, except that the accordion was on the left.
I was going to point out to Ta… er, I mean Bacontini, that the the angles/angels are acute and not obtuse but then I realized that this was probably part of the joke, and I didn’t want to again be the one whose always pointing out deliberate errors like that……….
Either that’s a subtle joke in itself JG, or we’re going to need a little extra geometry this morning.
It’s a multiply subtle/unsubtle joke including the misuse of the word “whose”, and trying to introduce the concept of the negative corey at the same time.
I had thought as much, but it was a little too dry for my sarcasm detector. I’ll have to go get it calibrated.
Carry on.
Phew….. he bought it.
JG, an Adores for the concept of the “Negative Corey.” And, if I could, another for the puppies in your avatar, because they never cease to encuten* me.
*What? It’s a perfectly cromulent word.
You didn’t feel the need for a corey credit? Are you sure? You haven’t had one for a while you know.
*big doe eyes*
But, Bacontini, you said…you said you like women with curves! Now that Octavia’s come along, it’s all about angles now?
Well uh… dat is to say… um…
Well, de curves have… uh… 360Âş worth of de angles. Yeah, dat’s right! So uh, dey are very obtuse… which de Bacontini like. So, Bacontini love de curves and de angles because dey are all obtuse.
Bacontini as always is here for de curvy and angular ladies.
I’ve heard it all before, Bacontini. Pre-Algebra told me all about you.
He’ll just break your heart, sweetie. Just look at me; I’m a shadow of the gaming accessory I once was.
Shall we *ahem* turn the tables on him?
The first poster sounds like a math problem in my country. “If an octagon table in great condition has six sides, how many sides does an octagon table have if it’s just in good condition?”
It was actually a trick question, because as everybody knows (and the guvmint is always telling us), EVERYTHING IN BORDURIA IS IN EXCELLENT CONDITION, COMRADE!
Subsequently, the following year we had a new math instructor and a revised question: “The poor people of Syldavia, exploited by the government, once had an excellent octagon table with eight sides. Though the father of a family has to work three jobs and 100 hours a week, he cannot afford to replace his beloved table and now it is in great condition, with just six sides. Given the present and expected economic conditions in Syldavia, factoring in a bad wheat crop, how many sides will the octagon table have when it’s just in good condition?”
In Soviet Russia, octagon six you!
In Soviet Russia, octagon deep-sixes you.
Borduria has to the biggest, the boldest and the best. Following a tour of Washington, DC, they decided their military headquarters should have more than five sides, and built a building with nine sides. Everything was fine, until they realized that the English translation of their building was “Nonagon”.
To this date it’s still punishable with 90 days in jail to chortle, laugh, or even smile within six meters of the place. That, and the weather would explain why everyone is so dour.
Hartster, do you still reside in Borduria, risking everything to snark freely on YSAC, or have you sought asylum elsewhere?
A nonagon – the perfect place to keep our collection of not.a.lions, not.a.lionels, and broken catulators!
Were there any Justice, the Nonagon would be on Kuldesac, and the sole, terminal, address thereupon.
Oh, and also at the craggy summit of a great hill as well.
Just my luck. I was looking for a six-sided *square* end table (preferably, 2 X 3) with doors on the underneath.
You are definitely in luck. If you buy both Octy-Hexa-Square tables, you can combine the tops into one Octo and one square table. Adding an extra set of doors from one set of the tables to the other will give you some shelves that you can place your fictional books on, and then you’ll have enough money left over to buy the lamp that you can put inside the table with no doors….I think that works, let me check it with my catulator:
*pounding furiously on catulator paws – 6-sided octagon divided by number of non-pages in fictional book… square the number of doors and multiply by vampires in the closet, then subtract the number of vampires out of the closet. Pour into an ungreased 7×5 square pan and bake at 375 for minus elebenty minutes, or until a Bacontini will float above the crust (you must use a crusty Bacontini or it will asplode). Be sure to upgrade your catulator kibble before attempting these catulations otherwise grievous errors resulting in speeling erorors mai reslut in defective TacoBoxes.*
Yup, no question about it – the catmath is perfect.
very nice try there, but you forgot to carry the tuna sammich. did you forget to put in fresh kibbles? I always do that *sigh*
Darn, and I had it plugged into a fresh litter box – thought I was all set.
Sammiches – Bacontini on rye…
You see, that’s where you went wrong. You can’t do Cat Math without the sammiches. In fact you can’t do most things without sammiches, just ask drmk.
OK – drmk, can you do anything without sammiches?
By the way, putting Bacontini on rye makes it kosher.
Sammiches.
*nods wisely*
How did Eragon end up with all those vampire books? It’s actually a good series…
Literary criticism aside, I suppose the Law of Conservation of Drawers means that somewhere out there there’s an octagonal table in excellent condition with 10 sides.
In cat math, you might have to carry the one (droor).
How did Eragon end up with all those vampire books? It’s actually a good series…
Must… be… nice… to… others…
*Tacosplode!*
This is getting to be a daily occurrence. Taco should move into that studio in the volcano, where his explosions would go unnoticed amidst the eruptions.
That’s what she said.
Eh? Eeeeeh?
Or, perhpas we could recommend changing from crispy fried (minty) shells, to soft tortillas fresh from comal or griddle?
Forsooth what is this that stikes my eyes so?
Is it the East, or Venus, or e’en Julie from next door?
Alas, no, is yet more taco Shell.
Never an octagon nor a pentagon be,
For octagon oft loses both it’s sides and angles,
And pentagons grow the sides lost.
This above all: to thine own shape be true.
(Thought I’d ‘help’ out there CM)
Actually, Taco, that IS what I said, right after I read camille’s comment.
And can we not discuss Taco’s eruptions, please? Although he has been awfully ‘splody lately.
Well, he is TacoMagic, most of the time. All that Mexican food does things to you after a while. Unpleasant things.
Tell me about it. I had 3 chili cheese burritos for dinner last night and…
Wait. I’m thinking SJ wasn’t actually asking me to share an anecdote about Mexican food. Never mind.
I think it’s the change of name Meredith, he’s only been so ‘splody since he added his fingers
That sombrero’s only funny one day out of the week, Sarajean, not 5.
Well, TF, that posy went well–I was sore afraid wooden doors in missing drawers might be invoked, as we passed through adores to another adimensions
Dev – given what he types with sometimes, maybe it should be “TacoForks”?
very good point meej, Taco Forks would fit very well indeed.
Wouldn’t Sporks be more useful?
Make a hip band name, Taco Sporks.
“What light through yonder window breaks,
Is it some yeast? Or just a f*’ing elephant lamp”
or perhaps:
“Alas, poor Yorick – I knew his octo-hex”
*whips out awesome catulator with built in algorithms*
Let’s see, take one octagon-sided hexagon table, add $20 worth of buck-and-a-half books, divide by one elephant lamp….
…carry the nine, add the unblublublerers, subtract tacosplody….
*shakes catulator*
Grr….
*scratches head, shakes catulator again*
Oh, duh!! I forgot to switch from the french prudential mode…
*flicks ear of catulator, avoids sharp-clawed swipe in response*
There…okay the answer is…
…. two lavender lacawates valtrus-sukas
Sigh, I need three…because I have one now and really, what is the point..
ADORE!
Our resident Cath Math God strikes again. +elebinty!!
*waves catulator to adoring fans*
Why thank you, but I couldn’t have done it without the little kitties…and the kibbles, let’s not forget the kibbles…
The eight sides of a vampire named Picasso. Good read, all six books for $20 or $1.50 each.
I had that “octogon” table!!! But I got rid of it on FreeCycle. $15 is too much.
I had two! Left them in the apartment when I moved. FreeCylce was too much.
My Grandma had two of them, once upon a time. I’ve seen them in just about every thrift store I’ve been to, in various conditions.
My parents got rid of theirs only recently. They were almost 30 years old and still had the same smell inside as when they were new.
When we first got them, we kept records in them! Yeah, that was a while ago.
My parents still have two. They keep their yearbooks and phonebooks in there. And VHS tapes.
My parents had 1 and kept albums in it. My mom got it in the divorce (1969) and had it up until she moved out of her house (1995 or 1996). I wonder if it’s in storage or if my brother got it. Darn photo made me want hers.
Oh! My! No, no, no, you have it all wrong! You don’t understand what a breakthrough this is! Don’t you see that these people have accidentally posted from an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE where oct- is the prefix for six-sided things and where all those books don’t actually exist? (Obviously there is also a subculture of people there who, as a hobby, collect fictional things.) The walls of reality are thinning, my friends! Is this an opportunity for learning more about the nature of our universe? Or is it a portent of further chaos to come…?! Only time will tell!
If there is an alternate univere where Eragon does not exist, I want to visit that utopia.
You and me both sister.
One of the few series I’ve read where the only likable characters were the ones we were supposed to hate.
By the end of the first book I found myself rooting for evil.
I didn’t even make it to the end. I found myself thinking fondly of overly emotional teenagers and the sparkly undead.
sparkly vampires? I only have one thing to say……..
http://www.force18.co.uk/sparkly-vampires-youre-kidding-tshirt-p-692.html
How ’bout…
http://fixitordeal.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/the-count-punching-edward-cullen.jpg
I like it sarajean, I like very much…..
Oh, I don’t know. It’s rather fun to make fun of, at least. Just think, the people of that universe must find other outlets for snark! (Not that there is likely to be a shortage of those in any universe…)
I have trans-universal snark myself.
Well, they were written by a 17 yr old nerd with no friends and a 6 yr old’s imagination.
I did not just bring Twilight into this conversation, that was all your own thoughts.
Arrgggghhh I’ve been mobius stripped!
People strip to Moby?
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Agreed! TF, site your source.
*Takes his bacon out of his glass*
“Bacontini see himself in de pouring home…”
*Skims the grease off his surface*
“Bacontini see de light come over now…”
*Wipes the fat off his rim…*
“Bacontini see Bacontini in de pouring rain…”
*Bacontini watches as we point and laugh from inside log cabin with roaring fire and that warm, fuzzy loving feeling, all wearing matching YSaC shirts, drinking hot chocolate out of YSaC mugs*
Not.A.Lion. shirts and Llamanun mugs right? I can’t afford any new ones right now and I already have those.
*sigh*
This is why I can’t have friends over. He has more than one of himself and the garnishes go a-flyin’.
Note: potential corey…
Actually, I think this poster may have a special skill: the ability to perceive 4 or more dimensions. It is quite conceivable that this table is, actually, an octagon in 4 dimensions, but loses a couple of sides when viewed through our limited 3 dimensional perception. /potential corey>
uhhhh….say whaaaa? Head too full of self-pity to comprehend. Please explain in cheese and sammiches, thank you.
The sad thing is, I could probably come up with a coherant explination using cheese and sammiches that would still leave you in your current state.
You’re taking me back to the lecture I attended on 4D spheres. For some reason it grows doughnuts as it passes through our plane.
Mmmm doughnuts…
I thought a 4D sphere passing through a 3D space would be observed as a sphere just as a sphere passing through a 2D space is observed as a circle with both of them appearing as points and then disappearing……. god help me I can’t stop today…..
I was tempted to dive in here and waffle on about the 4th dimension, corey credit be damned, but I’ve totally lost my train of though and now all I can think of is sammiches.
I may be ill.
This is very worrying
Well now all the rest of us can think of is waffles. And David Tennant. With waffles. On him. Sammiched between waffles.
Dangit.
don’t forget the syrup………
Ooh you are develish, aren’t you?
when it comes to him…….Oh Yes!
Too bad he’s not Belgian, then there’d be enough for both of us.
and of course now I’m thinking Belgian chocolate, as in chocolate sauce, as in smothering……..
I’m going to expect you to cover the cost of the new keyboard I”ll be needing after all this drooling you know.
Whatever you do, don’t imagine him bringing you fresh frenchfries and a chocolate shake.
why would I? I have a man sitting in the other room who can do that for me.
I think I’m just really hungry, actually.
Has anyone seen my mouse, I could have sworn it was right here just a moment ago…
I have a sudden craving for Belgian waffles with chocolate syrup.
I have strawberry waffles in the freezer and Dr.Who DVDs in a cabinet. You people are tempting me to get both out.
Lost me at the ‘sparkly vampires’…..
*Oooh look, glittery drawers!*
Silva – sorry but I’m stuck thinking plain waffles + DT + chocolate sauce, although I think strawberry might work too.
Grampdaddy – if we lost you at “sparkly vampires” please do not worry, if you are inexperienced with regards to said abominations, this is something you should be eternally grateful for.
Dev, maybe not so much ‘lost’ as mentally ‘wandered off’ in pursuit of the image of sparkly vampires – you know, glittery things and all that….
Do vampires get Bedazzled??
ah…..I was forgetting you’re a fellow lover of shiny things.
As for bedazzled vampires, I’m not sure I can cope with that thought, not after this much wine.
Omens and portents, sounds and Furies loosed, and then exeunt
Wasted ‘pon idiots, signifying nothing.
At least nae hags are we; if driven, too oft to Portia’s dement
I have this feeling my name was in there somewhere, but I’m very confused.
I read it as furries the first pass.
Still thought of you though, HHNF.
I’ll never live down the squirrel costume, will I? it was my crowning moment.
nope, never.
There was a poor guy outside my building the other day going through the dumpster. I thought, how embarrassing for him. So I bought him a raccoon costume. Surprisingly, he wouldn’t take it.
I think the picture of you netting GrahamT kinda clinched it.
But if you want to switch things up I’ll trade it back for my chipmunk costume. I feel as though I’m in a rut. There are only so many acorns you can store for the winter before you realize that you’re just perpetuating a stereotype.
Sigh…I love it when you speak Billy….
Cj, which “you” and which “Billy” pray tell?
Ozarkian or Bardic or lingua de chevres?
You Capn and Billy aka William S.
Ok, while waiting on coffee there were several bright flashes and dimensional porta;s may (or may not) have appear-ed, adn Wolfie-baby ‘splaind the book-math to me.
The speel-chekr rendered it as $20 all together or $1.50
But, it was $20 tutti giustu $1.50 bibli rubato
Or, in 3D English, if you overlook the stripped covers and questionalbe heritage, you can steal a pile for $9; but if you want a provenance better than Dion Juan Nothos, it’ll cost’ya extry
The poster didn’t say the books were $1.50 EACH. Just $20 or $1.50. I choose $1.50 for the whole lot.
Sounds reasonable.
Wicked, Marked Eragon.
On 2 by 3 square table-shaped octagon.
Opens vampire doors and kisses books.
Both fictional
And Uninvited.
And Eragon doth becomes riled.
Donning finger of hemophiliac child.
Paints depressed lamps and sees elephants.
Both fictional
And uninvited.
why am I suddenly thinking of Dumbo’s drunken elephant hallucinations?
I wasn’t but now I am.
And now I have an image of a pachyderm-sized paxil tab (and the probable required delivery route).
At least i no longer crave a taco plate.
“1 SHOWN IS GREAT CONDITION, THE OTHER IS GOOD CONDITION. ”
Great condition? It’ s missing two f#%king sides. What is the “Good Conditon” one? A square? A triangle? Who wants a triangle end table? No one, that’s who.
*Hides his triangular end table*
Yeah, who’d ever want one of those.
Triangular is out, Taco. Didn’t you know? Chiliagonal’s all the rage!
I like my chiliagon with onionagons and cheddaragons!
I like to play goudaungeons and cheddaragons!
What about Parcheesey? I have the special Gorgonzola edition.
Erm, Bianchi my dear, have you been doing a Taco with the coffee today? Is it time to move to decaf perhaps?
Blasphemy!
*Snort*
I can stop any time I want! Don’t judge me!
Decaf is a myth, anyway. A certain walrus busted it shortly after the myth pictured in the not-so-huge linkety-link.
And why, if they’re notably different conditions (and, presumably number of sides), are they the same d4#m price?
Just thanks to you all for making me snort and smile whilst stuck in hospital its good to have ephemeral mindmates (like soul mates but with wit and snark ..as well as souls and hearts and rinds)
Are we seedless, as well?
Awww, Not.A.Lion.Princess! We’re here, 7 days a week, usually because we’ve alienated everyone we know IRL with our skewed view of the world. Orrrrrrrrrr….because we are avoiding work, not saying I’m avoiding work..nosireebob..not me..huh-uh..
Anywho…all kidding aside, here’s to your good health and its swift return!
I’m avoiding work…
*forehead smack*
*frackin’ honesty gene*
THIS!
Aw tig! I hope everything is nicely sorted and you are home soon.
((virtual hug)) *~*~* (virtual flowers)
Thanks everyone it makes lying back here thinking of England (St George’s Day) to get through the pain OK. Laughing helps and yes I’m post-op so heading up recovery road *pause whilst kittens mop their eyes for me* night night from UK
get well soon
Come back to us soon, tigprincess! Get healthy!
This table is nothing compared to “The Octagon” starring the delightful Charles Norris.
The ’80s really were God’s chosen days.
*psst*
I think He chooses them all
Friday just about took the last ounce of strength I have, and the last ounce of Heather Creme. But before I slid into peaceful slumber, I must get my puncher out of my taco box for Sue D. Nymme. Hey, is that your real name? 8) Punchity Punch Punch!
Windrose, lacking any meaningful context, I can freely observe that your post is objectively saturated in carnal innuendo.
It’s even better if you weren’t trying.