YSaC, Vol. 644: Noun adjective. Noun adjective.
2010 April 22
FREEZER. GOOD. CONDITIONS – $125
Hello. Every. One.
I have. 4 sale. Freezer.
Are. In. Very. Good. Conditions
14-cu ft capacity
Storage. Basket ajustable. Temp control
Defrost water. Drain interior. Light
Foam. Insulation. And. More
Call. Joe. Cell. xxx-xxx-xxxx
I can’t decide whether I hear this in a Stephen Hawking voice, or in a William Shatner voice. Now that I think about it, it would have to be Shatner’s, as Stephen Hawking’s speech synthesizer sounds more realistic.
Thanks. Elizabeth.
Oh god. Painful pop culture Exhibit A: (warning: may contain Shatner!)
I think. I might. Have gotten. Stuck. In freezer.
Why.It.Is.Hawking.As.Shatner!
Shall…we…play…a…game?
Adore!
I’m sad you beat me to this, but happy that I’m not the only one. 🙂 I’m so beside.myself.right.now, I could have a tea party!
Hey, let’s have it in the freezer! There is plenty of room and an ajustable (where is d?) basket, come on.every.one.
I got fever, and the only prescription…is more periods!
Apparently the original lister is having her period right now.
I don’t know how I can tell, but call it intuition.
Joe/’transgendered name’ can only pretend to have periods. He/she/it is not cranky in real life.
Or, Jo/e is a F to M trans, and is still in the process of transitioning. S/he is selling the freezers to pay for needed surgery. Meanwhile, his/her reproductive cycle continues apace, and s/he’s cranky about it.
Maybe Joe’s wife posted it. Or, he’s having a sympathetic period.
My periods are jerks though, that’s why I hang with the commas,
Good point, Lola.
At least we know they aren’t hermaphroditic. They’d need to keep the freezer if that was the case.
I’m confused. How. many. freezers. are. there? He has 4sale a freezer. But the freezer ARE in good conditions. I don’t want the one made of light foam. I would like the one with insulation please.
I keep reading these periods as “dot” instead of a full stop, as if this were a series of web addresses:
Hello dot every dot one,
Freezer dot good dot conditions;
Joe dot keyboard dot fail,
Yousuck dot craigslist dot doofus.
On the other hand, maybe it’s “that time” for our Joe[lene], and she’s just having trouble with some light “spotting.”
Hey, someone had to go there.
Damn, I need coffee this morning. Apparently when I read this the first time I totally didn’t get it and decided to be less… classy.
It’s like 2 hours of sleep isn’t enough or something.
*wheels in coffee IV*
Which arm, hun?
You mean I have to chose just one limb? But, I have 4.
We have to alternate, since after a while your veins get … a little jumpy after a while. Don’t worry, they’ll all get their turn.
Well, technically there is another appendage on dudes that has a beautiful vein for I.V.s, very close to the main vein, if you get my drift.
*winces*
Once again I am so very, very glad I am not a man.
But Steve, would you really want to stick a needle in it?
eeek
Back to the “why” of wanting a good phlebotomist,
while also expressing the hurdles of becoming a good phlebotomist.
I.Want.The.One.With.The.Light. Please. I can entertain myself for hours checking if it’s on or not, opening and closing the lid or door, as the case may be, but never really sure when it’s closed if the light went out, and now I seem to have run out of periods, somebody stop this crazy thing before I break the internets
Hi Windrose! May I have my punch?
jg, I’m so glad you asked! Here’s a nice extra special Earth Day punchity punch punch for the Bea Arthur reference. 8) Congrats!
[corey.is.required]
Storage.
Well i hope a freezer has storage–unless Joe means this appliance has a spot for refrizzers, mngents, and unblublers
Basket ajustable.
Mind wanders away muttering. Adjusts how? Follows the space-time curvature of the local group? Accomadates Romulan foods? Can be made into a hat, or a broach? What?
Temp control
Tracks time cards for non-permanent employees, too?
Or is this a caution that control settings are only relativistic?
“Mister.Scott.I.Need.Harder.Ice.Cream!”
Defrost water.
Wait, you want me to pay you a buck-and-a-quarter to melt ice?
(or, to defrost this freezer ’cause you’re afraid to the controls are tempermental?)
Drain interior.
hey, wait, back up here Joe? I’m paying you, andI have to drain this thing myself? You Andorian or some such?
Light
Uh Sparky, is that illuminated; under-weighty; or do you need an ignition source? Or did you just get the discount Gorn-to-Hungarian phrase book?
Foam.
Right, heard that before, Cestus 3; fool me once . . .
Insulation. And. More
I’m sure, too much to list, you lazy Altairian.
Call. Joe. Cell.
No, not going to do that, do you not know what they charge to call jails now-a-days? You got your self into Rura Pente; get your own self out–bad enough having a phase-pistol hangover as is.
Adore! (My adoration was sufficient to need the exclamation point)
I think I’m in love…………
Touring Utopia Planetia!This!Week!Only!
Super Group DeFrost Water
with Special Guest: Bones!
Call Joe Cell
to open
only 20 UFP (sorry no Ferengi currency)
Latinum or go home!
Bad spelling and grammar is good for buisness.
Dang, this is a tough room.
And not even the single brickbat hurled for a ‘real’ McCoy reference (sorry, DeForrest, whereever you are).
He’s dead, Captain!
[strike heroic pose in torn tunic and barely-ruffled toupee before emoting]*
*ok, brain went ‘splody, MP “Ant” sketch just kicked in with Michael Ellis trying to lead JTK off to the toupee hall (just past Surgical Appliances to avoid embarassing people, but you can smell’em).
Which then degenerates into bad ant posy, which seems apt now, it having gone to be the Bard’s birthday, and he’s dead, too, y’see …
**Oh, and plus elebenty for best ST (TOS) reference yet.
Freezer.
Not.a.Refrigerator.
Let me take a whack at translating this…
*cracks knuckles and wiggles fingers*
I think it just needs proper punctuation:
Hello everyone I have! 4sale, freezer are in very good. Conditions, 14 cu ft. capacity. Storage – basket adjustable, temp control. Defrost water, drain interior. Light foam, insulation, and more – much more, too many to list. Call JoeCell, xxx-xxx-xxxx
Ahh…there…much better..
*Reaches for his fork*
OK well maybe thisa listing has nohing rto do with fork typing, but the period after every word or phrse thing has qready been done a few times. So here I am typing wwith rtwo plasti forksd while my co-workers stare at me like I;m insane. But I srtanbd by m abiility to type perfecrly well with foeks.
Or at least I till type bttwr than your average text-addicted high school student!
Oh HBurn.
Good job! Now try it with a meat cleaver.
Don’yt have qa cvleaver sat m,y derdslik; hj9oevertr, I’m, typing with two empty cffee muhgs right noe. It’s rsathetr hsard, buiyt doable.
Empty coffee mugs? This is most definitely an impossibility in SexyMagicTaco World.
To be fair, I had to chug the coffee so that my mugs would be in that state.
Of course since I’ve had about 4 hours sleep in the last 72 hours, typing with mugs seems perfectly normal. *Looks around his desk* oh, I should try typing with my french press!
frenbch presas is fun to typoer wwiythj.
I’m guessing you also sampled the sludge at the bottom of the french press.
Maybe you should just save yourself a few steps and eat the raw grounds.
you mean he doesn’t already?
French press sludge is like bong water to Taco.
And when he can’t find water, he’ll snort the dry grounds. 😀
Raw grounds don’t enter the blood stream fast enough. I eat instant coffee powder because it dissolves in water.
Well, my weakness is fresh-ground Indian Malabar,
Which is under-available of late.
Luckily there is dark roast from Sumatra available.
Have you tried the Dun Brothers Costa Rica blend with a turkish grind? Suck on that for a few minutes and you can dodge bullets.
Or, you know, have heart palpitations and hallucinate. Whatever.
Well, my push,er,ah, vendor offered something mumble-Turkish Twist-mumble.
Which confused me, as I was not certain if i was being offered a cheroot; a simitar lesson; or some Anatolian delicasy. I muttered a no-thanks and fled with my Greek* coffee in hand.
*Fellows who run the store are actually from Cypress; but “Cypriot Coffee” scans about the way it vocalizes
“So here I am typing wwith rtwo plasti forksd while my co-workers stare at me like I;m insane.”
You act like any of this is news…..
I thought that too, but decided against pointing it out. You never know how he might react if over-caffeinated.
After all, he’s already asploded several times this week and it’s starting to get messy in here.
*Tacosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss…
get the mop CJ, that one’s definitely your fault.
Wow…look what I’m not cleaning up….
LOL, looks like we cross-posted!
Fine…it was worth it..
*wanders off to find suitable implements for cleaning up taco-splody bits*
well it’s only fair, I’m sure I’ve already done it at least once this week, and poor sarajean, she’s getting “dishpan hands” with all the cleaning
…ssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-*
*Looks around confused*
Huh… must have been a dud.
*Wanders away whistling innocently.*
This is.just crying out.for beatnik-y treatment.
With light percussion.and a subdued.jazz.trio.
Afterward.the black turtlenecked.
And bereted.
Audience will.coolly.
Snap.
Their.
Approval.
Or.
Not.
I was thinking more William Carlos Williams, with extra punctuation:
I.have.defrosted.
the freezer.
that.was.on.
Craigslist.
of which.
you.were.probably.
draining.
the interior.
Forgive me.
it.were.in.very good.condition.
so foamy.
and.so adjustable.
I like. the. freezer.
Poem. because it’s. not. a.
Refrigerator.
For Sale. One. Freezer.
In. Very Good. Conditions.
Shatnerfacation.
We grok so much
we are too cool to clap
know
our
approval
from our disdain
(oh and ’cause our coffee and cigs are both black)
I was hearing it like Mike Myers in “So I Married an Axe Murderer.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdAzx_hYEBo&feature=related
So. Funny.
Conditions… man…
♪ ♪
Light… interior adjustable…
Good basket freezer. Daddy-oh.
♪ ♪
Foam drain…
Outta control Temp…
Freezer I have.
♪ ♪
Hello every water…
Good in very are…
♪ ♪
Defrost capacity….
cubed.
♪ ♪
More storage insulation…
And Joe…
♪
Cooooool.
♪
*ring ring ring*
Joe: Hello?
Caller: Is your freezer running?
Joe: I sure hope so.
Caller: Then why don’t you go catch it! [copious amounts of laughter in background]
Joe: Well, how do I do that?
Caller: [thrown off for a second for the continued conversation] Well…dump a bunch of periods on it. That should stop it, or at least slow it down.
Joe: Good idea! Gee, I’m glad you called. *click*
I was hearing it more in a Christopher Walken voice personally
More
cowbellperiods!More cowbell, period!
Your comment caused me to have an image of
Chris Walken and John Malkovich
as post-modern hipsters
in a most equisite creepy way
(troubling image of Cameron Diaz stuffing Joe, er, John Cusak in the frezzer, using the adaptable foam, ice-melting basket, er basquette)
Wasn’t Christopher Walken in Joe Dirt?
Fat Boy Slim — Weapon of Choice….
Joe is a salon owner.
Stick your client in the freezer (as long as s/he isn’t larger than 14 cu ft). It will condition their hair. If they had a bad coloring job, the water will defrost it. A bit of foam for the poofy look. Room to store the supplies with an adjustable basket. Temp control to keep them comfy. When the session is over, you just drain the interior and turn on the light. The insulation is to help muffle the screams of the client.
Again with the too-early-for-brain-stutters… Though, when I reread the ad with Shatner in my head, it got better. And. Now. I have, Shatner. In my. Head. Is brain-bleach strong enough?
Try tempting him with a discount hotel room. If that doesn’t work, you might have to find someone to mind-meld with you and yank his chubby ass out.
surely a scantily clad young lady would be enough to temp him away?
Only if she’s green.
good point SM, got any green body paint?
I’m sure we can find a volunteer somewhere………………..anyone??
Damn HHNF…never around when we really need her..
I’m rather glad that I wasn’t the only person who first thought “Well, this sounds like a job for HHNF.”
Well, you peel an Orion, you might just cry
(yes, the ST geek in me required that phaser blast, will slink off to the penalty box for two minutes to feel shame)
apparently that makes three of us SM, who are admitting it at least *chuckle*
She will be proud of us….
Doesn’t this require a squirrel costume?
Wear whatever you like, SpaceBug! 8)
And a room?
it’s the thought that counts.
I’m just disappointed that no one used my catch-phrase….
Holy Shatners!
It’s *your* phrase – I guess no one wanted to grab it from you (your name may be a tip off). 😀
Perhaps he is sending in his ad by telegraph.
I hear the movie the Three Amigos.
Need help stop
buy freezer stop
food of mean nasty hateful vile murdering El Guapo stop
Hmm…maybe you should say infamous….
Tell us we will die like dogs!
And define “Plethora” for us!
Because I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Wait – isn’t a plethora just “a bunch more, too many to list?”
Mi heje, they told me it was espcial, plethora-wool, sweater
Three beers, Please.
No beer, we have tequila.
What’s tequila like.
Oh, it’s like beer.
Shatnerifacation! Adore!
Who the hell sets conditions on the sale of a freezer? What would the conditions be?
You. Must. Be Rich. To Purchase. This. Freezer.
Freezer. Must. Go To A. Good. Home.
Freezer. Must Be. In Kitchen. Is. Afraid. Of Dark. And Must Not. Be Placed. in. Basement.
Well, it’s not like Joe’s. Actually. Charging us. For the freezer.
It’s just a. Rehoming. Fee.
Right?.
So is a conditional freezer similar to an occasional chair?
Scary thought: wouldn’t a conditional freezer be a Boston Legal plot?
“Light Foam”
Is that how you get freezer burn?
Step #1. Strike match
Step #2. Then light foam
Must always be aware of the conditions.
Conditions.Good.
Defrost.water. is a go.
Countdown.commencing.10.9.8…
My matress has the following tag on it:
Warning: Shoots flaming balls.
Light foam and get away.
And yes, that’s what she said.
*Unblubler Alert
Technically, isn’t water already defrosted?
end unblubler*
*start.apologies.to.E.Lear.
And dot then dot there dot was dot Joe.
Who dot had a freezer to dot go.
With basket and foam.
fourteen feet to roam.
And to everyone I say hello.
Fair warning, tomorrow, 23 April, is old Bill Shakespeare’s birthday,
so I’m breaking the bard out of the frezzer to be ready,
in case waxing poetic snark in un-shatnerlike verse be require-ed.
I’d say it’s a moral imperative, Capn!
Dammit Cj, I’m a ship driver, not a radio-orthadontist!
I can’t get Kent wired properly until Spock gets off his lazy Vuclan bones and makes a trisistor from stone knives and bearskins!
I love it when you talk Trek…sigh…
More poetic snark? We might as well hold a YSaC poetry slam.
How crazy is this. We’re reading Romeo and Juliet in English class (we’ve got parts that we’re reading, and I get to be Tybalt. >:D) and the drama class is putting on a production of Much Ado About Nothing. I smell Shannon again(s). (Read it aloud if you do don’t get it)
In the Big House, we celebrate the Bard’s Day with appropriate insults —
Thou puking beef-witted miscreant
Thou fawning hag-born harpy
Thou fobbing fat-kidneyed leprous witch
Thou villainous tardy-gaited strumpet
Its all fun and games until punches are thrown, then its hilarious.
[GrammarNazi]Then its hilarious what? I smell either a naked pronoun or improper use of homophones.[/GrammarNazi]
Sorry, but I ran out of apostrophes; had to trade them in to get all the periods!
*Sprays GrammarNazi Repellent*
Methinks you are spending too much time in school, are the illegitimai beginning to carborundum you?
No, but my section leader (he’s a Junior in AP English III) in band class berates us to no end for improper grammar (unless it is done in jest), even worse than my English teacher, because he can make us do push-ups, and she can’t.
(psst, it’s not illigitimai, that’s nothusa; also moloere in the same way–you want Noli nothis permittere te terere, othewise it’s about illegal sillicon carbides, and in a CL-speak form of mixed dative and gerundive cases.)
*stares blankly, twirling my hair around my finger, cracking my gum, before noticing something shiny and running off, giggling, to chase after said something*
*holds up pinwheel for frigglesnitz*
Claris maiorum exemplis; difficile est saturam non scribere. Carborundum est carrosus, Illegitimis est bastardus, fromare Stilwell.
Well, I’m just impressed that there’s cellular life advanced enough to post a Craigslist ad. Then again, as we’ve already seen, either William Shatner or Steven Hawking is clearly behind it. My vote’s for Hawking, because there’s no way Shatner has the brains to interpret the desires of cellular life.
looks like joe got his period (??)
In fairness to this gentleman, the ubiquitous “Hey. Beer. Man.” Coors Light campaign from a decade ago set the “overused period” trend in motion.
Damn you shitty, watered down domestic brew. Damn you.
I have. Need 4 freezer. Please ship. 2 Volcano lair.
Now, several of you have been unkind to Joe; he may only need to have his eyeglass prescription renewed, he could have meant to fill out an application to Mensa’s, instead.
Light foam?