YSaC, Vol. 638: I hope the girl see this!
We’ve previously seen the scattershot approach to missed connections here on YSaC, and it’s not pretty.
It’s about to get even un-prettier.
Lindsay sent in 25 ads.
All apparently from the same person.
All since the beginning of April.
All in Missed Connections.
All on or around the same street, she says.
Jeans, Boots, Scarf, Gray Top – m4w (Robson)
You were walking along Robson Street around 8:15pm with two friends on Saturday.
Shoulder length; you are charming. Care to revert back?White Coat, Red Bag, taking pics – m4w (Robson)
Wearing Jeans and White Coat, in runners around 4pm Sunday.
Have I described you well; please revert. ThanksMazda 626; 575 JHC – m4w (Park Royal)
We were alongside around 5:25pm by the Traffic lights. our eyes met briefly.
Find you charming and cute; if you’re unattached and reading this post, please revert back. Love to have Coffee.
Yes, that’s a license plate number. That’s not the only time that particular quirk pops up:
GOLD HONDA CAW 678 – m4w (Park Royal)
You were driving up the Ramp Saturday afternoon; charming girl. Would you join me for a drink?
WHITE MAZDA 323, 199 HTX – m4w (Granville)
You were driving along Granville Sunday around 4pm. Wearing a Blue sleeveless Top, our eyes met couple of times.
I was driving a Subaru, couldn’t draw your attention any further. Classy, Cute and Gorgeous; would you care for Coffee or Lunch?
He also seems to have a fetish for identifying handbags and/or shopping bags. Seriously, I’m a girl and I probably couldn’t identify a Louis Vuitton handbag.
Loius Vuitton handbag, Bebe Shopping bag – m4w (Downtown)
White Pants, Black Uggs walking along Robson Street over the weekend.
Black Gucci bag with Red & Green stripes – m4w (Crossing Richards/Georgia)
Around 5pm Wednesday March 29th, you caught my eye.
You look gorgeous and charming; please get back to me perhaps for Coffee?
Yep. Stalker.
Flower print skirt, tights, beige bag. – m4w (Downtown)
You are a very charming, gorgeous girl, elegantly walking near “BEBE” on Robson.
It’s Sunday 2:30pm and I’m admiring you from a distance. Care to get in touch?Black Coat, Denims, Brown Bag, heels. – m4w (Dynamite on Robson)
You are a “dynamite”. Asian, hair with middle parting, ring on middle finger, wearing heels.
Caught my attention enough to describe you, around 2:15pm Sunday!
Love to hear from you; how about Coffee first? Thanks
Need I point out that it appears as though EVERY female on this street seems to catch his attention enough to describe them? Also — how can he tell someone is charming just by how they look?
Amazingly — or perhaps NOT amazingly — there’s more.
White Coat, Jeans, Medium hair – m4w (Starbucks Granville/Georgia)
6:35pm Sunday evening you elegantly walked past Starbucks Granville/Georgia
Cute and Gorgeous; love to meet you. Please revert; Thanks.Beige/brown Sweater, Umbrella in hand – m4w (Starbucks Granville)
Young cute Asian walking casually with an Umbrella around 6:35pm Sunday.
Please hit me up. Thanks.Tight pants/jeans, Boots, Pony tail – m4w (Pacific Centre)
You came down to the Parking lot around 7pm Sunday with two Shopping Bags from the Bay.
An Elegant, gorgeous Asian Lady, you drove off in a Silver Car.
Couldn’t draw your attention in time. If you’re reading this post, please get back to me perhaps Coffee?
At least he waited a whole 25 minutes for the first Asian to respond. Apparently “couldn’t draw your attention” means “couldn’t get your license plate number”, and “couldn’t identify what store you’d been shopping at or what designer brand your purse was”. Also very possibly, “couldn’t quite figure out what type of lampshade I’d like to make out of your skin.”
Seriously, folks. Twenty-five ads full of this, one after another. The only thing he ever says about himself is that he was in a black BMW.
“please revert back”
If you remove the “lease” and reverse the “re” the add would be more accurate!
“I’m bringin’ pervert back! I’m bringin’ pervert back!”
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
If you left the “re” alone;
“I think you’re some kind of deviated prevert. I think general Ripper found out about your prevertion, and you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts.”
Prevert sounded familiar to me but I couldn’t place it. Where’s that quote from sj?
Dr Strangelove; Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, one of the best movies ever.
*Highfives Sarajean*
Revert back to what, I wonder? Were all of these women like Pygmalion’s statue, or Kim Catrall in Mannequin, previously inanimate—and Sparky wants to get them back into the display window?
Or maybe right after he saw them, they transformed into were-wombats, and he wants the charming cuties back?
I think he got them wet and fed them after midnight*.
*that didn’t sound right
maybe not, but it made me laugh
Isaac, I am trying to imagine your monkish avatar watching “Mannequin” long enough to remember that it involves Kim Cattrall. Maybe I need coffee, but it’s not working … You might lose Ike cred if you keep admitting to things like this …
In defense of Isaac, it’s probably because he knows that Crow T. Robot had a massive crush on Kim Cattrall. And who can disagree with anyone from MST3K?
Or perhaps he’s a Porky’s fan. *lulz*
Ah, MST3K – all is clear! Unlike some of the plotlines and cinematography they viewed.
Ike cred: +10
Crow T. Robot: I, Crow T. Robot, have penned a little ditty in honor of the star of today’s experiment, Kim Cattrall.
It’s call “Oh, Kim Cattrall” by Crow T. Robot, sung by Crow T. Robot. It’s marked allegro con brio, Köchel listing 643.
[singing]
Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Kim Kim Kim Kim Cattrall.
You were in “Mannequin”, and that was a really good movie Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Caaaattraaaaa-halll!
Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Cattrall, Kim Kim Kim Cattrall.
You’ve never made a bad film.
Oh, What the hell, ring my bell.
Let’s go to The Dells. Our relationship will gel.
I like your smell, you’re really swell.
[as Charlton Heston]
I’m Charlton Heston for Con-Tel. I love you, Kiiiiiiiim…
[slyly]
I liked your dress at the Ace awards- Caaaattraaaaaaaall
K. 643 – Mozart cataloguing geek reference FTW. Well, all of MST3K is FTW, really.
…. all is right with the world now.*
*this is not necessarily true
All I really have to say in my own defense is that even a pedant has to have been a teenager once.
Had to [corey] this; revert is an English word meaning “to go back to”; or reverse a change; urban dictionary, though suggests this is “indian english” for “get back to me.”
So, perhaps our possibly southern asian male would like these women to cast off their status as un-stalked, and revert back to noticing and avoiding the creeper (using the youth definition) among them.
Or, perhaps, it is better that Sparky is putting all of his energies for “doing well with the ladies” by using up CL bandwidth rather than creating any more xeno or andro phobia in the distaff
My bet is that he has no idea what Re: is short for.
Too much coffee. Too much free time. Too much.
No such thing as too much coffee. I mean look at me.
I just defeated my own argument didn’t I?
I agree with you, Taco! I mean, seriously, I can never have toomuchcoffeeandthereisnothingwrongWITHMEATALL!!!!
Err…I didn’t help you out there, did I?
Just remember; if you have trouble blinking, cut back a little.
Hehe, you said meat all.
How effective would a meat awl be anyway?
To this guy? I would suppose that a meat awl would be his murder weapon of choice.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
“Hey baby, want me to ‘murder’ you with my ‘meat awl.'”
Aww kids these days.
These young whippersnappers and their newfangled fancy talk!
*Grumbles to self while toddling off to watch Matlock*
This guy obviously drinks too much coffee (Taco?) and his colloquialisms know no bounds. Please revert back and hit me up before calling the police. THNXS
Yet another lazy-ass stalker who can’t be bothered to get up from his computer and his frappachino and stalk girls the old fashioned way. Where’s the excitement, the romantic rustle of the bushes, the thrill of the midnight 911 calls, the lovingly drafted restraining orders? It was good enough for his father and it should be good enough for him.
I’d bet a grande mocha with a double shot of espresso that he never leaves the front window of Starbuck’s. They have wi-fi and, most importantly, coffee.
Hey now, that was uncalled for!
Oh… that wasn’t a direct comparison of me was it? Carry on.
It’s merely a warning taco….merely a warning to the dangers of too many Espresso Macchiatos.
😉
taco = Taco
[Edit feature told me I didn’t have permission to edit. WTF?]
Mooooooom, Mudsy is stalking me again! And it’s not her turn!
I fired a warning taco over his head, but he didn’t run. We’ll have to call in the heavy ammunition. Bring the whole taco box!
Stalking? Yeah, meet me in Vancouver by the bebe store and wear some Ugg boots and be gorgeous and charming. I’ll know you by the ring on your middle finger and tattoo of a serpent you’ve got on your inside upper lip. I’ve got a “dynamite” surprise for you.
..oh, and don’t even think about telling mom..!
Is a warning taco some type of disciplinary action given to Taco Bell employees who break the rules? First they get a counseling burrito, then a warning taco, and if they don’t straighten up and fly right they get the termination gordita.
I was served subpoena chalupa one. Ahh, the fresh taste of justice.
The cease-and-desist nachos are the best!
sarajean: are those anything like a South of the Border Restraining Order?
Not as much guacamole.
Subpoena Chalupa is a fine, fine band name.
I think their hit singles should include:
“3 Layers of Rock ‘n Roll”
“Spice of my Life”
“Bathroom Blues”
Wow, I had the termination gordita once – took three days and antibiotics to clear it up. Never thought I’d get out of the “reading room”…
Maybe not a direct comparison …
“Bathroom Telescope Blues”
“I Got a Taco Packet in My Pocket”
“You Don’t Know Beans About Love”
“I Wanted a Mustang But All I Got Was a Pinto”
Poetic, sarajean, simply poetic. I can feel your angst, your passion, your…dare I say, dissillusionment?
I share your disappointment. Stalkers just aren’t what they used to be.
Sigh…….I miss those good ol’ days.
but sarajean, if he leaves Starbucks how will he be able to spot his next 10 “victims”? Surely you don’t expect him to stand around on some draughty street corner?
No, but he could lurk menacingly around the ladies’ dressing rooms at a department store and tweet about it. That’s sure to get the girls to come a-runnin’.*
*The running part’s true.
And Taco Presents: Nightmare fuel.
You’re at a coffee shop enjoying a coffee with a friend, but there is this guy who’s been staring at you over the top of his computer for the last half hour. He’d be good looking were it not for his raggy, coffee stained clothes, giant unkempt beard (complete with bits of pastry), and lack of any attractive features. Every time you look over at him, he quickly looks back at what he’s pretending to do.
Thinking he’s probably just a harmless introvert noticing a pretty lady, you leisurely finish your coffee with your friend and pay him no mind. When you’re finished, you stand up and excuse yourself to the bathroom. You pick an empty stall, head inside and go about your business. Suddenly you realize that there is somebody standing outside your stall. Looking down, you notice that the shoes are male dress shoes.
Before you can say anything, you hear the person on the other side of the door take a long, shuddering breath and say, “Mmmm you smell nice. You know, I really like a woman with charm.”
Enjoy sleeping tonight.
excuse me while I go shower, repeatedly, with bleach!
Don’t you hate it when writers don’t finish a scene completely so your mind starts to fill in the horrible, horrible ending?
Yeah, I hate it too.
yes I do. You are quite, quite evil, you know this right?
Sexy Digits: was it wide-stance senator Larry Craig?
Nightmare fuel, part deux
You know you have her cornered, there in that modern prison of stainless steel and porcelain. Your breath quickens and colors seem sharper, brighter. The scent of her perfume mingles with coffee and fear, tainted by some harsh chemical overtone. Drano? Ty-D-Bol? The scent is elusive and tugs at your memory.
You can see her shoes, so sensible, so delectable, and you know time in near. The door rattles, the lock is turning. You catch your breath, trembling like a cliff diver on the edge of a precipice, and reach towards it.
Then you hear it, that unmistakable sound. The hammer of a gun being pulled into place with an oiled click. Your body clenches like a miser’s fist around his last penny and you are frozen as the door swings slowly open. The blade in your hand falls to the floor, chipping the cheerful yellow tiles. The world around you shrinks until all you can see is the perfectly round opening into that tunnel of night. Dimly you hear her dulcet tones.
“You know, there’s a reason women carry large purses.”
(Pleasant dreams, peaches.)
Sexy Digits: is this how she makes a very evil man angry and he starts chasing her?
For some reason, Taco’s narrative style just suggests to me text-based adventure.
>look purse
You see a compact, a lipstick tube, and some mace.
>get mace
You fish out the mace, being careful not to attract attention.
>spray mace
You thrust your hand in the direction of the stalker and press the trigger.
Your eyes begin to sting. Perhaps you should check the direction that the mace is pointed next time?
Your attacker subdues you.
You have been turned into a lampshade.
It may be a residual narrative style that stuck with me after years of “Choose Your Wwn Adventure” books in gradeschool and MUDing in highschool/college.
… hey, leave my name out of this!
You have been turned into a lampshade.
Before or after becoming enchiladas tarantinos?
I don’t see black BMW mentioned? I do see he was in a Subaru though. Close, I suppose, they both have 4 wheels, usually.
“Subaru” is code name for his barcalounger which is sitting right next to the telescope and Kleenex by his living room window.
Okay, slick, I’m trying…desperately…not to toss my breakfast, thankyouverymuch…
Note to self: CAREFULLY read YSaC headers before clicking on comments in future.
You mean you didn’t already know this?
We need bigger warning notices drmk. Something in bright orange maybe, saying “Eat & Drink at your own risk”
In flashing comic sans seperated into its own frame!
And make it all blinky! And shiny!
Wanted this to appear with all the band names. It’s Salsa Night at the 40 Watt!
I keep my telescope in the bathroom.
lowercase taco: I don’t even wanna know….well, sorta. I suppose you keep your yellow rubber ducky in the freezer?
I bet you tell that to all the girls.
Only the ones who’s license plate numbers I write down.
You’re very passive-aggressive with your who’s and whose, aren’t you?
Kekeke.
Just fishing for
IssacsIsaacsOh, and Passive Agressive Tacos should totally open for Subpoena Chalupa.
Ahh, Taco, I like how you think. Functional and less mess! How very thoughtful you are. I’m sure Mrs. Taco appreciates.
Tonight at the Medianoche Lounge: Passive Aggressive Tacos, with special guest, Subpoena Chalupa! Bring your chihuaua [sic] and get $2 off cover and a free Taco Time coupon.
Interesting. In a different ad he mentions that he was driving a black BMW!
I smell shenanigans.
“black BMW” …. that’s code name for his couch which is sitting next to….
Maybe he really meant BMX.
TOLD ya he works at the parking garage (mentioned below)!! Bet he’s a valet parking attendant!!!
Ohh, creepier creeper nightmares of scraggly dude shuffling about the darker, more remote, bits of the parking structure with highly unsettling expression to go with a similar sort of incomplete facial hair. The sort of encounter one has when one has failed to maintain their spatial awareness. Which then makes the darks darker; the isolation ever more remote; the very silence muting the scream welling up deep inside against the contrasting, but no less urgent, urge to be quiet, small, invisible.
From such things androphobia can be well-earned.
Please revert back. Revert to what? I want to revert back to the person I was a few moments ago, the carefree innocent person who wouldn’t feel the need to hurry past Starbucks hiding her red leather handbag.
Is “shoulder length” a term of endearment that I’m simply unfamiliar with?
At least he spelled umbrella right.
I almost wish he’d have spelled it unblubler .
I have a bad feeling that unblubler is something that he plans to do to the unfortunate that answers his ad.
“Hey baby, want a Clevland unblubler?”
I can totally see this guy’s “the world hates me” complex in his advertisements. I’d bet it’s only a matter of time before we see something like:
You are mine! – M4W (Your Driveway)
I’ve tried to get you ladies to rightfully acknowledge my affections, but your blatant disregaurd for my feelings has lead me to take further action. Elegant lady with the pomeranian, white blouse, leather skirt, Prada purse, and you were charming. If you ever want to see your pomeranian again, meet me for coffee. Hit me back. If you fail to hit me back I’ll assume you’re perfectly fine with me shaving it and painting it untoward colors.
Too late.
Both scary and a little awesome.
Mostly scary. The fact that someone has that kind of time on their hands and access to cutting implements terrifies me.
The woman does look a little like Splinter, though.
I have to admit, I loled at the poodle-bison. But the rest just made me sad for those poor dogs…
Edit: Erp? Why did it stick me all the way up here?
HOly Hell.
Oh, it gets worse. It’s called “art grooming”.
She must be a cat lady. Or her dog ate the really expensive shoes last week.
Oh Christ on a matzo cracker! I’d like to see them try to do that to a pit bull.
Poodle strudel kanoodling noodles….
Grugle Turtle Puddle Muddle Mottled Noodle Poodle Spoodle Oodle Strudle Doodle…
It doesn’t end! Arrrrgggggdddddbbbbbllllleeee.
*whacks Sexy Digits on the head*
Damn thing’s always getting stuck. Where the hell’s the “RESET” button?
*Shakes
well he’s gone quiet sarajean, maybe that was the right spot?
His ear fell off, though. Should I glue it back on or leave it off?
Personally I think it gives him a bit of an artistic look.
that depends, do you have any good glue? Are you the messy type? We don’t want glue everywhere, I’m still cleaning up the coffee stains.
Oh look,I found my staple gun! Just hold him still a second…
*ch-thunk*
Thanks girls I needed tha-
Boggle ogle oogle poodle puddle paddle cattle cuddle muddle mottle bottle…
Figures. And right after the warranty expired, too. Looks like we’re going to need another
TimmyTaco.don’t we have any spares left in the taco-box?
Can’t we just revert him back to the old Taco?
A problem has been detected and Taco has been shut down to prevent damage to your comments section.
If this is the first time you’ve seen this Stop error screen, restart your Taco.
If this screen appears again, follow thease steps:
Check for corey tendencies in your Taco. Remove any newly installed ingredients and snark poetry. Check your snark to make sure it is properly configured and humorous. Run Tacowipe/napkin to check for condiment overflow errors, and then restart your Taco manually.
Technical information: STOP: 0xYummyTortillaCL27
I know I’m going to regret this………………
but how does one “start a Taco manually”?
I think we have to locate the power button and do a cold boot. We could try jiggling the power cord…
I call “NOT IT”!
You could be right there. I imagine a cold boot inserted somewhere might get him started, but I aint doin it!
Oh, how about we just go get a new machine? I hear it comes with Taco 7, and extra cheese pre-installed.
I think the reboot process requires inserting the original disk – don’t know if it has to be the floppy one or the hard one – might depend on how old your interface is.
TacoXP – have you had all the appropriate service packs installed on the TacoBox?
oh I dunna Grampdaddy, I think we should give up on TacoXP and go with Atrognash’s idea. The extra cheese swings it for me.
Service… packs?
That some kind of sauce packet?
Maybe, maybe not.
Tell us what you did with the pics of the YSaC family vacation to Youtube when you crashed, and we’ll let you know.
Perhaps, Develish1, but it depends on the age and equipment of the original Tacobox. Some old Tacoboxes can’t handle Taco7 without additional support.
Suppose we could try: Taco – you want your box upgraded?
Age and equipment of the original equipment? What’s that supposed to mean?
he seems to have gone rather quiet on the subject Grampdaddy, perhaps he prefers his box to be left as it is?
Oh and just call me dev, everyone else does plus it’s far easier to type.
Astro-
“Age and equipment of the original equipment” – sorry, a momentary lapse into CL speak, subsequently recognized and corrected in the edit.
Consider it the catmath of computer-speak…
*slinks from room, dragging tail in abject embarrassment – until distracted by shiny, spinning things….*
hang on! you have spinning shiny things? I only have dangling ones, that’s SO unfair!
Ooo, Spinning and dangling shinys?
Drat. Spinny, dangly, and shiny!? My ADHD is…
**is totally distracted by the shinys as they glitter in the light of the computer monitor**
ah, I see another “victim” in need of exposure to my massive link
http://www.smellyourmum.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=908&osCsid=29512943ea544f0cff0bb365acc0c63f
Awww… there was no black on black option…
well they do have one that say’s “I Wear Black Because I’m Storing Solar Energy” will that do?
Nor quite the same thing I know, but still……….
Oh well. I’m a geek, because I buy plain white tee-shirts, and then write my own witty sayings (and those I see on much more expensive shirts) on them.
Is there some sort of lingo where “revert” makes sense? I keep picturing these “women” as trannys…
[cory]The second definition of revert is “to return to”. So he TECHNICALLY was using it correctly.[/corey]
However, since nobody in their right mind would use revert like that, it’s a moot point really.
Spelled corey incorrectly. More coffee, more I say, MORE!
I like the way you smell – M4C (Café)
Very dark, elegant, and charming you caught my eyes and then my nose almost immediately. You drove off with a man in a dark turtle neck in his Mazda convertible, but I know he can’t possibly love you as much as I do. You were wearing mostly white, with a brown skirt. Please revert to me and maybe we could go out for a drink.
Looking for me?
Oh Gods, she actually responded!
What do I do now, WHAT DO I DO NOW!
Wait, keep cool, don’t panic. I’m sure there’s an instruction manual around here somewhere. Ahh, here it is!
*Picks up and starts reading “How to pick up Coffee: 100 chat up lines and ideas for the first date.”*
I do a lot of work with groups in former British colonies, and they tend to use ‘revert’ frequently. “Please revert soon.” *shrug* Must be the Brits again. They still owe Americans for the colour/color switch up.
Well I’m a Brit and I’ve never heard it used in that way before
The only person I’ve heard use “revert” in this manner before happens to be Czech. The mystery as to why he uses it in every e-mail appears no closer to being solved…
Many moons ago, I was visiting in San Fransisco with a another girl and a guy. We were about 18 or 19 . We were walking down a semi-residential street when we came upon a payphone that started ringing. I decided to answer. A very effeminate voice on the other end informed me that “I only talk to guys” and slammed down the phone. The other girl and I both found it amusing. The guy with us scanned the buildings trying to figure out where the caller was perched and practically ran down the street and around the corner so the caller could not watch him. He was totally freaked out. I don’t know if he ever visited San Francisco again.
Hi, I’m coffee. Stop calling me.
Hey, I only watch you for your own protection. You never know what kind of creepy guys are out there.
I’ve heard that one before. In the end I just end up feeling so…empty. Used.
Used? Down to the last drop?
I would think that the morning after being used like that, the best part would not be wakin’ up…
I’m pretty perky in the morning.
This is shaping up to be one hell of an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I can’t wait till they figure out that the stalker works at the parking garage across the street from the BeBe store. And good choice getting Parker Posey to be the transvestite stalker so conflicted by her identity, that she wants all to “revert back” to their original forms. Such a great season finale!
I love Parker Posey. Plus – anything with Christopher Meloni makes my TV remote stop on that channel, even if I’ve seen it before.
Let’s write that script, Meredith!
Yeah, I don’t usually go all swoony over actors, or at least I don’t show it. But he really makes me giddy. Or did.
Care to have me ruin it for you, Lola? Guess what other movie he was in? Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Don’t remember him?
Here ya go:
http://www.promisekept.net/chris%20meloni%20harold%20&%20kumar.jpg
When I realized who I was looking at, I just about cried.
I’m waiting to get stoned* to see Harold & Kumar, so I was unaware of this … er … thanks, Meredith … I don’t need yesterday’s scary clown, THAT will haunt my dreams now.
*Probably never
Way to kill a crush.
Just shows you what a diverse, adaptable actor he is!
Same thing happened to me when my sister insisted I see this Hallmark Channel movie a few years back. Why, you ask? Because her entire motive was to see me have a breakdown at Mark Hamill playing a toothless redneck tow truck driver. Bitter? Nah, now much….grrrr.
Maybe I’m just jaded from unsuccessfully attempting to date both on- and offline, but I suspect that you’d get a higher response rate from guys if a woman tried this.
Y/N? Discuss.
Probably.
But to be fair, us guys are social dimwits.
Let’s see…
Flower print skirt, tights, beige bag. – w4m (Downtown)
You are a very charming, gorgeous guy, elegantly walking near “BEBE” on Robson.
It’s Sunday 2:30pm and I’m admiring you from a distance. Care to get in touch?
You bet I’d revert.
How do you know it was you though? I bet there were a lot of guys wearing tights and a flower print skirt on that street.
and there goes my coffee, all over the desk again……
True, but, honestly. Those other guys can’t match my charming, elegant walk.
You’ve mastered the “heel-toe” walk of stilettos beautifully!
What kind of message does he even hope for in return?
“Hi, being a successful and attractive woman i obviously spend a lot of time looking through the missed connections section of my local craigslist, looking for men who i took no notice of the first time, i’m the girl with the purse!
I couldn’t help notice your rather nice pair of binoculars peeking out of your windowless van. I’m a real sucker for a guy with receding hairlines and scraggly thin mustaches
How about that coffee? :)”
I have a theory that every man, no matter how troll-under-the-bridge-ugly he is, truly believes deep, deep down in his heart of hearts at some point in his life that he could have any woman he wanted, if only he could make her aware of the fact.
You know what? I believe that 99.9% of them truly COULD get the woman of their dreams, no matter how ugly, if they’d pursue it in the right way.
CL Missed Connections ad? WRONG way.
Once again you are completely right. The sad thing is most approach it with little or no finesse and stumble around blindly hoping something works out.
Random groping on public transit? Also wrong way.
Saying the words “We’ve got a few minutes before the movie, how ’bout a BJ?” on your first date, so far the wrong way you need GPS to get back to terrible.
Not sure what so wrong about BJ on de first date. On de first date with topper we played BJ for about two hours. She taught Bacontini how to count de cards, actually.
Yes, dat was de best first date BJ Bacontini ever have.
99.9% Meredith? Is that CatMath?
Perhaps the key is “lowered expectations” and a shower once in a while.
Um, honey? Could you come here for a second?
*(Whispers explanation to Bacontini)*
Bacontini still no get. People eat his meat all de time, is tasty and Bacontini always use extra lean.
Oh. OHHHH. ohh.
Why people want to do dat on de first date? Does not sound as sanitary as cards and pork drinks.
How about PB&J on the first date? Much better than BJ only, especially if the PB is crunchy. I especially like JIF extra crunchy and raspberry J.
Mmmmm, so good going down.
25 ads isn’t so bad. Hey, you might have to cast your line a hundred times before you get even one nibble.
It’s getting to where a guy can’t even do a little harmless fishing in peace.
And people wonder why folks in cities avoid eye contact with strangers. Sheesh.
No shit.
Signed,
Ogled and Groped Public Transit User
True story: I was a big Star Trek geek. One day I was riding the subway and on the jacket I have one of them “Star Fleet Headquarters / Security” division pins, with that wording. Some random guy saw that pin, asked me if I did security, and I replied, “Yeah, military security.” He stayed far away from me at that point – as did everyone else in that car.
Yeah cutie, I’m the one on the corner with my tin cup and cardboard sign. You look so fine, but for a ten-spot, you’d look hawt. How about a fiver, a washington? Can you buy the cup of coffee then? Revert me.
Does shoulder-length mean the height of the person the poster is looking for? [Hartster calls up TLC: “Hey, I got a new show for ya! Little People Suck at Craigslist!”]
And in my country, the post would look like this:
Jeans, Boots, Scarf, Gray Top – m4w (Robson)
You were walking along Robson Street around 8:15pm with two friends on Saturday.
Shoulder length; you are charming in your discussion of how bad the government is. As you know, that is a forbidden topic. Care to revert back before we make you, your friends, and your whole family take a government-sponsored vacation? (Bring lots of warm-weather clothes.)
Hey, even the secret police use social media.
drmk, re your comment “I’m a girl and I probably couldn’t identify a Louis Vuitton handbag” if he’s as big an ass-hat as he appears it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that he can identity one.
Considering what those things cost (between $600 and $3,500 US I believe) I imagine he goes out of his way to find women with Louis Vuitton and other designer brands, since it’s likely they have cash he can “acquire”.
oh dear, was that a small corey?
A micro-corey. (It’s probably a knockoff any way, those things spread like chicken pox.)
It’s probably like the Chinese made cory I ended up with earlier.
Creepy…this wacko lives in my city, I know all those streets, I work one block off of Robson and usually walk along that street on my lunch breaks….if I see a guy in a black BMW madly scribbling notes I’m going to dive straight into the nearest hedge before he has a chance to figure out what kind of purse I’m carrying….
Actually, you weren’t carying a purse today.
I’m moving into a homemade underground bomb shelter now, knowing that there are guys that watch women as closely as the government.
If you care to join me, you must bring your own toilet paper and food.
ooh…you finally decided to show up today, eh?
hehe…
Deal. It’s probably the best place to be anyway, what with the eventual international zombie apocalypse and all.
Oooh, Bacontini love slumber party shut ins. Bacontini bring TP, food, Bacontini, and extra vodka.
Mostly ladies right?
maybe a shotgun too? along with the other supplies I mean?
And a chocolate cake! Oh, and some extra shells, too. You can never have too much ammo.
I’d pack a few memes to keep you entertained, too. I’d go, but this girl I know who is a total ditz is about to start driving, so I’ll be watching through binoculars. From a helicopter. In a different bunker from yours. On the moon.
I can bring tunes! I’ve got some Micheal Unblublér, Justin Bleibler*, and many others, too many to list.
*May not actually be true. Actually, isn’t true, but his name is funny and I’ve heard he looks like a girl.
He looks like a very young Mary Stuart Masterson.
Wait… Justin Beiber’s a he?
**Astrognash is kidding, knowing that Justin Beiber claims “his” gender to be male.**
There is a site called ‘lesbians that look like Justin Beiber’
For the love of Llamanun, don’t google it
Stop acting like you hate it, HH. I saw the way you were strutting your stuff down Green Street the other day. That homemade gerbil outfit is uber hawt, by the way. I especially like the glitter fairy wings you added. And the blue lady bug purse. And the heels. I’ve dreamed of you every night since.
:::siiiigh:::
No, I don’t know where that came from. Getting a little punchy.
HHFN, does this mean you’re done borrowing my squirrel costume?
I think you’re just suffering from Friday-itis, dear. The gerbil outfit is adorable, though.
Friday-itis? Is that anything like Monday-osis?*
*Symptoms include inability to speak in anything other than groans, inability to open your eyes, and insurmountable urge to walk with your head drooping forward.
The symptoms are the same but the treatment differs. While Friday-itis can be cured with an application of Weekend-onium, Monday-osis has no known cure. It must simply be endured.
although copious amounts of coffee can, in some cases, alleviate the symptoms to a degree
I’m a Green Street Hooligan Gerbil.
You could always move to my neighborhood. It’s very quiet. The only beedy eyes you’ll get staring at you are the turkeys… the many, many wild turkeys.
http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/011/b/a/WILD_TURKEY_INVASION_by_silvanoir.jpg
That is a lot of turkeys, Silva. I’ve seen a few around my house, but never that many all at once.
As one of my friends from English class might say with a… worrying grin on his face, “This guy’s a creeper.”
To which our wonderful teacher would respond, “Jeffrey, that smile on your face is scaring me.”
But I digress. Let’s get down to business: Sammiches.
Sammiches? oh yes, what kind did you bring?
Rooster With a Typewriter Salad, Peanut Unblubler and Jelly, and Ham and Cheese (Not.A.Lionel Brand, of course!)
Astro has a case of the YSaC Tourettes. 10 cc’s of chocolate fountain, STAT, and a wrap made of bees and auntie stains!!! That should fix it!
On a side note, I may have found the source of some of our “{Sparky|Dumbo|Rubber Chicken}”s.
Granted, I can’t be sure, as I didn’t actually click the link.
Ahahaha, I posted about that one yesterday, cracked me up :-p It was really hard to type “Cralgslist”…. and really hard to type it again :-p
Saw the ad again, followed the link. It has “Enhanced Ad body/Title Randomizer – using exclusive variable token system”.
Sounds {familiar|like something we’ve seen before|random duck}.
This made me ill because it reminds me so much of my ex. So very much. I do not know what would be worse–the thought that he moved and got a new car and is now posting this stuff on CL, or the thought that there is more than one of him in the universe.
Wait, definitely the latter. The latter’s the worst.
This is the first time anything on my beloved blogs has creeped me out!
This is the first time you’ve been creeped out here? Did you not read April 5th’s ad? It still makes me go all shuddery.
Apparently she just skims over my posts.
There’s a song that comes to mind, which talks about standing on the corner, watching all the girls go by. Actually, I think that’s the title, “Standing On The Corner Watching All The Girls Go By.”
Wait… that song is about just watching them. This guy’s intentions go beyond that, methinks.
“Hey, are you going to be walking to your car alone later tonight? No reason, just askin’.”
Ah, but the poster is from the south, therefore, it wouldn’t be “askin'”, but “axin'”.
Shame on y’all for not knowing your southern grammar!
Astro, completely off topic, but where’d you find the pic of Worm Camping?
Is much awesome.
I drew it. I posted it on an earlier post… lemme see if I can find the link…
Thar She Blows!*
*Going further off topic, a joke: A woman walked into a bar, and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave it to her.
Taco, he drew it and had a linky on here a while back. Do you need more coffee? Or one of those kegger-sized Red Bulls?
It’s been a rough week at work. Could you just inject Surge Cola directly into my ascending aorta?
Sign me up for that one… Dr Pepper can only do so much.
We could, but it might be more effective to do a mix of Surge Cola, Red Bull, and Monster Energy drink. I think a… should we use metric? Probably. 2 liters should probably set you right.
If we were to combine it with an automated delivery system strapped to the inside of the chest cavity…
… Your heart AND brain might both explode. Sure you are up for this?
You could just get it in powder form and snort it like cocaine.
http://www.caffeinepowder.net/
I quote : “One package of this product (100 grams) contains more Caffiene than
1000 Cups of Coffee
1800 Cans of Mountain Dew
1200 Red Bull Energy Drinks
4000 Cans of Coca Cola Classic ”
You would be dead by the time you had that much, but you’d be a very alert dead.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Yes, ingest powdered products, as interposing a fistula in the aorta will likely fail even the most adept phebotomists attemps to add to your fluid volume.
Now, a 16 french fistula might be just the thing to equip these young ladies, though. Which could be fitted to a synthetic daisy or the like (if an over-sanguinated way of increase both coulrophobia* and hemaphobia while equally reducing androphobia).
*Cross Canadian’s “Carney Man” for an earworm here
Bacontini, I found your ideal woman! (Note: May not be safe for work? Doesn’t show more than the average bikini)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/briankusler/2337430825/
Personally, I feel sorry for the model, that seems like it’d be squishy and gross….
That, for some reason, is creepier (to me) than the guy who posted the ad.
Then again, I’m a guy. He’s after women, so I’m not as creeped out as some of you.
I could see where the sight of a half naked stranger wearing undergarments made of cured pork products would cause a little gastric upset. The poor girl probably had stray dogs following her home for weeks.
or just stray men.
Many men I know would follow the smell of bacon anywhere, sad though that may be
Well, it’s bacon! We’ve got machines in public restrooms that deliver it at button-press!
RE: Jeans, Boots, Scarf, Gray Top – m4w (Robson)
I was walking along Robson Street around 8:15pm on Saturday.
I am one of the two friends.
F#çk you.
just creepy. i miss u all …but work has this blocked, so by the time i get home, all the good stuff’s been said. but this person is creepin me out….
I wouldn’t worry queensbee, I often get here late, but I don’t let it stop me.
Okay, off-topic here, but is anyone else getting ads that are basically advertising Mormonism?
Cougar Life
you know how those Mormon girls are
I’m getting “Carhartt for spring” in the big picture ad and the little ones are various clothing sites.
And now I keep getting this ad for “Keen” footwear.
I don’t think anyone has said “keen” since the… 50’s?
Met my first concubine that way.
True story. And very romantic.
Denny, look at the box! It’s you, Denny DelVecchio! You don’t suck! Punchity punch punch!
I know at least one person who I can imagine doing this. Coludn’t help be see his face as I read each creepy one of these.
Funny…. how often do you know with these posts where they are from…. These posts… all of them are from Vancouver, BC…. first time that I have read posts from the home town. Common?
A general clarification – ‘revert’ is a very common term in South Asian English (India, Pakistan, etc). It’s used in place of ‘reply’. So, while Sparky is creepy and weird, the use of ‘revert’ can simply be attributed to this dialect of sorts.
I wonder if it is the same girl.
black bmw? all I saw was a mention of him being in a Subaru. this guy is clearly fantasizing about EVERYTHING. if he ever comes across this website and recognizes his own ads he’s gonna have a new ad: “lady at YSaC, you caught my eye and you clearly are in love with me…..”