YSaC, Vol. 635: P.Y.T.s, repeat after me …
Wanting to hire pretty young female
Looking to hire a pretty young female for 1 night. I have a boyfriend that has cheated on me in the past and he just proposed- as excited as i am i have found things still that make me question whether he would cheat again. I am looking to pay someone to flirt with him and see his reaction- i am not trying to hire a hooker- lol- i do not want someone to actually have sex or anything with him, just want to see if he flirts back, or suggests hooking up .
Will pay 100$- email me for info.
Pointyjess sends this one in, saying, “If you have to hire someone from Craigslist to determine whether or not your fiancé would cheat on you (again), DON’T MARRY YOUR FIANCÉ.”
Lol, indeed.
This next ad isn’t really directly related, but it came up in my files when I did a search for “fiancé” and I’ve been meaning to post it for a while:
I WANT TO FIND THIS GUY – w4m – 23 (vegas)
hey, i met this guy in vegas, he asked me to marry him, then we got seperated in the casino. Respond back if you know him or how to get a hold of him. there are details that only he would know.
Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that the “details” this guy would know are things like “Do I wear underwear?” and “Did we use protection?” I suspect the answers to both of those questions might be the same, and might be related to why this person is searching for her missing “fiancé”.
Thanks, pointyjess and linmatd!
That picture in the second ad looks strangely familiar. I’m sure I’ve seen it floating around the Internet somewhere, but I can’t quite place it. At least I hope it looks familiar because I’ve seen it around the Internet, and not because it’s someone I know personally. Please tell me it’s from a well-known web site!
Is that the only picture she has of this guy? Surrounded by what appears to be drunken bridesmaids and caught in mid-grope? Was it this or the one of him doing a line of coke off a hooker’s bum?
As part of my thorough and exhaustive research, I did a TinEye image search on it and it came up empty. Doesn’t mean you haven’t seen it before, but it means it’s not a picture that floats around a lot.
Aw crap, now I’m going to drive myself crazy trying to remember where I’ve seen this picture and who the people in it are. It’s very possible I’ve seen it on Facebook.
It has that look of being a PhotoBomb post.
But almost all rehearsal dinner pics look like that, too, which would make them archetypal, too.
Stupid Poster #1 – A pretty, young, female? Or a pretty young female? Female what? I’m betting some of the “borrowed” alpacas might be female, and judging by your fiance’s discerning tastes he might be interested.
Incredibly Stupid Poster #2 – I have no pithy commentary for a woman who actually a)believes her “fiance” is her fiance and b)cares so little for herself that she’d post something like this on the Internet.
Humanity is doomed…totally, utterly, completely…
*crawls back under the covers to hide*
*prepares the special CJ Reassuring Tea*
Don’t forget the secret ingredient!
*holds up bourbon bottle*
*grabs bottle and runs back to room*
Just bring it back in time for dinner, I’m making bourbon chicken. Just leave enough to fill this hypodermic, please.
CJ, come out and share the secret ingredient, now. Come on, open the door. Don’t make me come in there! You won’t like the consequences. I WILL take the hinges off the door….permanently! *
*never mess with my mom
*hands Lime the near-empty bottle*
Hic!
My dad threatened to do that once. I went to my room, got out one of my screwdrivers, took all the hinges off my bedroom door, and gave them to him. He called me a little smartass (I was around 12-13 at the time) and told me to put the door back.
(My sister, when threatened with the same punishment,spent twenty minutes complaining, crying, and finally cursing until he got fed up wth her and went and took them off and also grounded her for a week. I think my way was better.)
Can I have a double?
Gosh, the first ad has to be the plot of a sitcom or TV movie with Valerie Bertinelli. This stuff doesn’t happen in real life, does it? And by now, the guy in the second ad’s photo can invoke the holy rule of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. She will likely never find her baby daddy.
There is actually a show like that on the Fox Reality Channel. (I watched a few minutes while channel-surfing one night. There was not much on.) It’s called “Sex Decoys”, this woman runs a PI business and uses her own daughters as decoys to see if their clients’ husbands are the cheatin’ kind. (I know; classy, right?)
I keep wanting to snark on the stupid investigation #1 is proposing, but I can’t really get my mind past “Don’t marry someone you don’t trust.”
My snark gets riled up by the dumb logic: if you want to find out whether he will cheat on you, you’re going to need to know more than whether he responds flirtily to flirting. This is a badly designed experiment.
But like I said, the relationship stupidity here seems to run too deep for a trivial logic snark. Too much sitcom-watching; not enough life among the humans.
It does have a bit of a “I cannot distinguish fiction from reality” vibe going on.
What scares me is the number of times I find myself asking “Do they think life is more real on tv than in actual reality?
Sadly, I fear the answer is the same as for why striped cats are described as lions.
I wonder if I could found a cocktail-hour lion’s club where we all wore stripes and spotted cat garb . . .
Well, there we go. The “Cougar Life” ads are back.
D’oh! You made me look!
Me, too! No fair, Isaac, I’m not caffeinated yet!
I never get to see the infamous cougar life ads, but today I can have my pick of Russian Women, Hot Brazilian Girls or the ever-intriguing windsurfing personals (“latest model wave board seeks oldstyle longboard for serious relationship…”)
Today I get one clearly generated by yesterday’s vocal-attractiveness discussion: Alan Rickman directs Strindberg’s “Creditors” at BAM.
*lies down on Victorian fainting couch*
Crap, those annoying ads (I’m not going to name them, maybe that’s how they were summoned) are back!
I’m getting the Russians, the Brazilians and… Craig’s Cars for the google ads. (if only they were Corey’s cars).
And funny how, for the picture ad, with all the talk of flirty young women and cheating I get … “Tiger Direct”.
Did somebody ask about me???
Dammitall, all I get are moving companies and computer parts!
Mine is, “Alpaca Farming: Worth it?”
Win.
I wonder if they discuss the merits of borrowed v. “stolin” alpacas during the start-up phase.
Alpaca farming is always worth it.
Alpaca ranching: CL car sales Listing s/w; “Hot Mexican Women”–all under Circuit City, for me, here at 1922 CDT
I’m now getting “Alpaca farmstay”. Presumably that’s for all the alpacas that are tired of the hustle and bustle of city life.
Or, since it’s in wine country, they are trying to be more exotic than the neighbours. If they can’t borrow any alpacas they dress the sheep up instead and only let them into the paddock after the second bottle.
Gee, you guys get all the fun ads. All I get is an ad from Replacements Ltd. which, for an outrageous and enormous fee, will find the missing pieces of my grandmother’s china…which I no longer own!
*having suitably vented, goes back to lurking and giggling*
Damn it!
*goes off to yell at ad server*
They’re supposed to be blocked.
Maybe just one of them snuck through, drmk. I’ve only seen that one all day.
There’s no stopping a cougar in heat!
One just popped up when I refreshed.
I just got MeetVillage . com
“It takes a village to raise some meat.”
Oh… those crazy homonyms…!
🙂
Better than “It takes a Cougar to raise some meat.”
Song: “Crazy ’bout a Mercury”
Hang on. Are these ads showing up in the text ads, or in the big ad up top?
Not.a.Mountain.Lions are in big graphic ad up top.
The first thing that came to my mind with ad #1 was the part in “No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency” when the woman hires Precious to find out if her husband is cheating, and Precious not only finds the guy, but takes a picture of the man and herself kissing. The woman calls her names and refuses to pay! Something tells me that this situation is funny to everyone except the women involved.
#2 – men say a lot of things when they’re drunk, sweetie.
If you are any of the girls in the photo, you appear to be young and rather attractive. I doubt that this is you last shot at matrimonial happiness … and if it is, maybe that’s not a bad thing.
…and forgive me, but the mom in me screams….
“..men say a lot of things when they’re drunk..”
So why, why, WHY, do women keep falling for it??????
Sorry, but this is one of my oh-my-gawd-tell-her-to-shut-up soapbox topics…seriously, get me started and I’ll scare the hell out of everyone.
Okay, rant done..everyone get back to snarking…
Yeah, my rule of thumb would be, “If a man proposes to you, before you seriously consider said proposal, you should already know him well enough to know his full (real) name, his home address, where he works, and other clues that might make him findable. Ideally, he should know the same things about you. People who do not know these things about each other are usually called ‘strangers’ or ‘acquaintances’ or ‘drunken hookups.'”
Let’s be fair… the “details only he would know” could be which Fellini film they both adore; the latest Proust book they’d read; the name of the city where she set up a low-income literacy program; how long he’s been in Doctors without Borders; which finger she wears her purity ring on.
Or, it could be, you know, where she has that tattoo of two boffing Smurfs.
You forgot the picture of her first Holy Communion she keeps on the mantel.
weirdly, when I read two boffing smufs I didn’t include smurfette in my mental image
“Two Boffing Smurfs” – duet band name of the day.
Appearing briefly at the 40Watt Blue-light…..
I think Lola’s #2 is the instigation for young women growing up to be not.a.lions
Missing:
Underwear. Last seen on this guy I’m engaged to from Vegas. I think his name began with an S. If you’ve seen either of them please send them my way.
Also, to S, I’ve got your boxers. If you need them back please meet me at the Elvis Presley memorial chapel to exchange underwear.
SuperTaco?!?!? Is that you????
i am not trying to hire a hooker- lol- …. Will pay 100$
Oh, but I believe you probably will — lol.
For crissakes, buy a therapy session and a piña colada with the $100 lady.
Maybe pay for an online personals add too…
Doesn’t the fact that she’s paying for a total stranger to have close, intimate contact with her fiance essentially mean she is paying for a hooker?
She’d be better off spending the hundred by converting it into singles and heading to the nearest nudie bar on Ladies’ Night than getting all weepy over this asshat and wondering if he will cheat on her again. Because everyone but her knows he will.
You forgot to “LOL” that suggestion.
Apparently I forgot to turn the bold off,too. Stupid edit feature never popped up.
I’ve been having problems with it all day as well. The edit window is being snarky.
It’s always cranky when I’m using my work computer. I don’t think the hampster can run fast enough on his little wheel to keep up with the internets.
My work PC seems to have a guinea pig on the treadmill wheel – slightly better.
Mine has an 800 lb. gorilla and annoyingly, he won’t let me ignore him!
I’m finding that the edit feature loads as a new page now, instead of “hovering” over the existing page. And once I’ve put in my edits, I have to reload YSaC to see what’s there: I can’t go forward to the edited page.
Isaac: likewise. I thought it was a work-related quirk and it turned out to be both work PCs and my home Mac.
Isaac: I’m finding that if I use the back button on my browser it returns me to the right (edited) spot.
Ditto to miss jo.
I have to watch for “Saved” on the button; then Back button takes me right back to last position. Same result if I try opening a new Tab for it.
Is it me, or do I suspect that Sparky #1’s engagement ring is not worth the $100 she proposes to spend verifying the veritas fidelia?
Psst…drmk…
Lose the apostrophe in the title before Isaac notices…
The 4th dimension may rip open if it’s not rectified quickly.
*hehe…rectified*
That only happens when you divide by apostrophe.
Am I really the only one here who cares about the proper formation of plural nouns? I feel so alone.
Does the apostrophe apply or not if there is a period? I am always confused. So I leave the periods and apostrophe out and stick the S on the end and, from what
my antihistamine-fogged brain tells meI understand, that is correct.If you miss a period, blame the drunk guy in Vegas, not the apostrophe. -Keats
I care, Isaac. The apostrophe can signal contraction or possession; it cannot signify pluralization. I hate it when the store down the street advertises “Eggplant’s” for sale. (Though I was sort of amused last month when they advertised “Comic Pears.”)
Isaac-
I really only brought you into it to divert attention if the bosses took offense. (Pretty chicken-shit, I know.) It seems to have worked. You didn’t seem to notice that I care about plural nouns…
Ah, I was just joshin’ ya. You’re all right.
/“Flexo” voice
Well, I for one, care.
Even if I was distracted by finding two sizes of “lazy ikes” and was then overcome all peckish from muenchen musings.
Damn it. I’m falling apart all over the place here.
Thanks for putting up with me and my incompetence the last few days. I’ll try to get better, but with the end of the semester looming large, I can’t offer any guarantees.
*picks up jaw from floor*
drmk! Never forget what you have brought together here! We can put up with any amount of distracted behavior you need to get through the semester. Just don’t ever close the door. 8)
Yeah, what Knuckle the bird said. No one care’s about bad punc-tu-a tion a’round here. Seé??? Its all good, brø!!!!
Thanks. I’ll do what I can to muddle through somehow. I’ve just been making a series of stupid mistakes recently, and that frustrates me.
And Bianchi, call me crazy but I’ve always felt that if I’m going to have a blog that pokes fun at others for their inability to spell/punctuate/communicate, that I should be able to do those things myself. That’s why I get mad at myself when I make stupid mistakes.
The difference is, you care about those things. The people who post the ads couldn’t be bothered to check simple spelling, let alone anything more complicated. 8)
Kinda wonder if it’s possible that the fiance in the first post, is the guy in the picture of the second post. OMG, he’s proposing to women all over the place!
Would you still get the $100 just for emailing the picture?
Even if it’s not him you could fix that through the miracle that is Photoshop.
“What a crazy random happenstance! I have a picture from a distant relative’s wedding that looks just like your fiance, drunkenly pawing at equally drunk bridesmaids. And look, here he is, putting the moves on a unicorn! This one of him and Bigfoot in the broom closet is probably just a prank, though. I know for a fact Bigfoot is in a serious long-term relationship with the Easter Bunny.”
I’m distracted by the lady in the blue dress… wow…
I was distracted by the red alcohol-imbued drink. I think I know where I’m going after work… and it ain’t Vegas.
Strangely, your comment had me envisioning the giant Kool-Aid guy bursting through a bar wall, bricks raining (yet everyone remaining miraculously unhurt) and spiked Kool-Aid, that color, swirling in his, er, head or head-pitcher or whatever it is.
… I rather like my new allergy meds …
Lola, honey – exactly how many of this colorful little pills have you taken today?
Because I think once you start daydreaming about a spiked Kool-Aid Man, it might be time to cut back just a schooch.
Just one, Sarajean, but they’re working rather better than previously. “Better living through chemistry,” indeed.
Pretty Young Female seeks:
A MAAAAaaaahn.
Object: Matrimony.
Must look good in a cardigan.
No facial hair please, I have a delicate velvety pile.
*My comforter you silly*
Must be flirtatious, I need to test my BFFs.
Looking to find handsome, mature, hitma… umm, “persuader.”
My “former” fiance paid some tramp $100.00 to try to seduce me (it worked, but that’s another story) and then got all crabby about it. It wasn’t like I paid the $100.00, and free is free, right? I mean, what kinda guy is gonna turn that down when it’s free?
Also want to find this guy she hooked up with in Vegas – I caught on when she started wearing boxers and the laundry marker name in them looks like it starts with “S”. At first I thought it was for the size, but she said “Not at all.” Maybe that’s a clue? There’s a picture attached – he’s the one that isn’t wearing a dress.
I REALLY love her and want to be sure she isn’t hurt. Dead maybe, but not hurt.
Taco is (deservedly) in the You Don’t Suck Box so often that I think we need to begin calling it the Taco Box.
I think I will start keeping my puncher in my taco box.
“Keep[ing] my puncher in my taco box” sounds incredibly, yet obscurely, filthy to me.
Make it “…keep(ing) my massive punchity puncher in my SexyTaco MagicFingers Box…” and all that obscurity just vanishes. Still dirty as hell, though.
You people are dirty, dirty people.
No wonder I seem to fit in.
Taco, here it comes! Punchity punch punch! On your way to sweeping another quarter.
Poodles, strudels and kanoodles….magic taco’s in the box……again!
I smell a putrid, low-grossing, pratfall-laden romantic comedy starring Ryan Reynolds/Gerard Butler/Hugh Grant and Jennifer Aniston.
Hi back from vacation and picking up on what I’ve missed. My fault really for coming to site and laughing since pain in stomach is real – hospital venue bit of a clue! Mysterious illness, medics puzzled (think House without Hugh Laurie) drugs are good (Lola!). Loving the disguised sheep image. TP
I read through all the comments earlier, but there were (legal) narcotics involved so I don’t remember and am too lazy to go through them again, so forgive me if I’m repeating something already said —
A lot of people seem to think she’s eager to get the wedding plans in motion, but personally I kind of get the feeling that it’s something else… like, I dunno, he wanted to buy her a ring but his bank card was frozen (*totally* the bank’s fault, he’s got easy half a mil in there, and that’s not even counting the offshore accounts), but it would make his dear, sainted mother roll over in her grave if she knew he were to get married without giving the girl a proper engagement ring first, so if he could just borrow $3000 – it’s a beautiful ring, but no no, stay here, he wants her to be surprised and to see the look on her face when she sees how gorgeous it is – and just think, this time tomorrow, all his money (in all the accounts) will be hers too, so she needn’t worry her pretty little head about a thing…
Either that or she’s knocked up. But the way she’s phrased it – “I want to find this guy” and “if you know him or know how to get ahold of him” – I’m just not getting even a tiny HINT of Cinderella waiting on Prince Charming, here. More like someone waiting behind the door with a baseball bat.
If not a baby, then some other sort of unfortunately positive test? It’s definitely possible that it could be read as such.
Yupyup. And she’s hoping someone who knows him will see it and take it as, “Aww, how sweet, she’s going all out for her one chance at love! How romantic! It’s just like one of those made for TV movies. I will be *helpful* and put her in touch with that guy. When Hollywood hears about this, I hope they get Angelina Jolie to play me!” Boom: Instant unwitting accomplice.
attention divorce lawyers: sign up now.
poster #1 – dumbass
poster #2 – even dumber.
i suppose you get what you deserve.
duuuh.
Post/Read Ping.