YSaC, Vol. 623: The first frige is free… then they’ll cost you.
2010 April 1
20 nice friges – $199
wirlpool frige frezzer on top $299, 1 has frezzer on bottom $4991 kenmore sideby side ,$495 1 new ge frige , $399. 1 westiong house $269. 1 real nice matag frezer on top $469. call ### ### ####
Oh boy! Speeling prolbems AND cat math! The title says 20 friges. The description lists six friges. I count at least 23 actual friges in the pictures, plus a whole mess of washurs and drirs. K, who submitted this, points out that this is clearly not a casual user’s quantity of friges. No, this is someone who goes well beyond “possession” into “intent to distribute.” Which means you’d REALLY hope they’d actually know how to spell the product they’re selling. But you’d be wrong.
Well…Z’s are worth more then E’s in scrabble.
Too bad this guy would lose most of his turns to dictionary challenges.
Scrabble humor; really? Is that what we’ve come to?
It boggles the mind.
No, Boggle is a different game than Scrabble. Boggle incorporates the use of 16 dice…blah blah blah.
No triple word score for you!
Given TM’s love of RPGs, his mind might actually be 16 dice. (Or at least seven.)
his mind is more like Andrew Dice….
Lets not Scrabble amongst ourselves here, we are all on the same snide!
That one priced at $4991 had better come with a frezzer full of teeebones and Pourter houses.
It’s made of gold*.
*Gold being a spraypaint color.
Can it be wrong if it is listed in the Urban Dictionary? In this case – yes it can….
So wait, you’re saying that what I’ve been storing my meets and veggibels in all this time has, in fact, been a driur?
Woe is me, I should have known when my Sal’s Berry Stakes turned green!
After a quick tour of the Eyebrow residence, I found that all appliances had the brand name PROMINENTLY displayed. Sparky here not only needs a cat abacus and catulator (with fresh batteries) but new eyeglasses.
Or…he fancies himself an efficiency expert and feels all those extra letters are just so extraneous. In that case, I detest the braggart. Harrruuumph!
Even the crappy off-brands will put their name on there somewhere. Maybe these are “hot” friges and frezzers (or frezer, it’s not real clear) and the nameplates have been striped off and sold on the black market.
Damnit SJ, you type faster than I do and suck my brain dry of information!
That’s it… time to make myself another foil deflector beanie! I’ll defeat your mind rays yet!
That’s because SJ’s computer is closer to the YSaC server than your computer is TM. Move yours over to the left about 5 feet.
Better?
Please do, I’m running out of brain bleach.
They are clearly designer knock-offs. Kind of like Rowl-X, Card-e-Yay!, Goochy, etc.
Werlpul, Kenmoor, Westin’ Hause, Frigedare…
I think you’ve sussed it, sarajean. I’d be readily willing to bet these fell off of a truck somewhere, like Newark, or possibly an unmarked warehouse out by JFK airport.
I just have this mental image of a robber in mask sneaking out of a house lugging a fridge in a giant sack. I find it more amusing than retail shrinkage.
Or slipped it into his back pocket and walked out whistling. While wearing a black and white striped shirt.
and the nameplates have been striped off and sold on the black market.
[appliance-installing corey]
The info is repeated on a metal or vinyl plate on the back of the appliance, which includes the important, not-burning-the-house-down data like voltage and amperage and AC cycle data.
Still and all, it’s sad that Sparky has a warehouse of appliances dirt cheap (suggestive of deeds done similarly).
[/appliance-installing corey]
To be fair, this guy’s “supplier” probably removed the brand name and serial number from all these friges.
I’ve read the comments several times today, and am still snorting over “the Eyebrow residence,” Archie. I imagine it inhabited by variously arched and groomed brows (yours are immaculate, of course).
Ah. Anne of the Seven “Arched Gables” , perhaps?
@ Lola: Indeed! And they are in various states of furrowed, raised or wiggled at any given time depending on the circumstances (usually dependent on the antics of Mr. Eyebrows, whose brows are (ironically) virtually non-existent). I couldn’t help but imagine what Silva would do with the resultant picture! *
*Not a bid for a drawing, SN. 🙂 It just seems my imagination immediately goes to how you would interpret, in one of your magical drawings, various comments that are made here. I do love your work!
Also, judging by the second picture, these appear to be taken in an antique store, which I’m guessing Sparky does not own, manage, or even work at.
I noticed that, too. But I can’t see a single avocado green or harvest gold one anywhere.
No, but there are a few items of the color that I think of as “old computer beige.” Maybe they’re the antiques.
That might just be a protective layer of grease vapors and dust. In three weeks the cocoon will split open and a beautiful Sub-Zero will emerge.
And then promptly break down.
FINISH HIM!
Forward, Down, Forward, Y
FATALITY!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that.
Clearly it’s time for an intervention.
Friggin friges. What am I doing with my life, man? Ok, I’ve got this under control, just one more. One more. *SNUFF* Ahh, man, dude. Freon is da shizt! Wooooooo!
Who wants to go for a dryer ride with me!
What’s the street value for a westiong house? Just curious.
Depends on the purity. Clear cut westiong house is $12 for a soccer ball last I checked. If you pay any less than that it’s usually cut with a Kenmoor to lower the price.
Back when I was living in an RV park, someone pried off the outside access panel for my refrigerator and poked holes in the coils. It happened to several people in the park, apparently people drain out whatever it is that’s in there (ammonia or something similar,judging by the smell) to make meth.
It’s a coolant of some kind. (Yeah, I know that’s not helpful.)
Years ago I was helping people clean out some old buildings and one of the guys pulled the freon hose on one of the fridges and we made the mistake of accidentally breathing it. OW.
It’s freon…kids huff it and can die…not at all funny…
end corey
TM: have you by any chance read Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash? There is a character in the book who claims to be the world’s first freon junkie.
I’ll take them all. Something’s got to be done about global warming.
The stackable washer and dryer will come in handy for cleaning sea birds and polar bears should an oil spill occur. I hear they just love the spin cycle.
Who doesn’t love a good air fluff?
Your avatar looks different. Are you playing Soviet Russian spy today?
🙂
In Soviet Russia, avatar spies you!
I misspelled my email, but I fixed it.
“Who doesn’t love a good air fluff?”
Please excuse my snickering… when my son was little, “fluff” seemed like a less embarrassing word-choice than “fart.” Since toddlers the world over love to announce their bodily happenings at top volume in the middle of grocery stores, movies, funerals, etc, that was our family word for that particular function. (Led to an amusing incident when he was cradling a puppy and I said, “He sure is fluffy, isn’t he?” and the poor puppy nearly got flung across the room because my toddler son didn’t want to be dog-farted on.)
Anyway, with that backstory from my brain, I have to agree that yes, a good air fluff certainly beats a solid or, god forbid, a liquid fluff any day of the week.
When my nephew was very little, my sister uses “doodle” when referring to a certain bodily function. I did not know this, so every time I asked asked him if he wanted to doodle with me I would get the oddest look and a ” I don’ haffta.” in reply.
Did you say polar bear?
HAHAHA!!! And I thought I was being over-the-top with my analogy.
No such thing.
There’s probably a rule about that, like a G-rated Rule 34.
(Would that be Rule 43?)
Woe is me. I just spent all the time I could spare trying to find that beautiful song about the Refrigerator that is on the only Dr. Dememto CD we have here at Windrose Aviaries, but I can’t remember the artist and can’t find it on any of Dr. D’s sites. But it would be so perfect for today’s post!
Funny, googling this I come up with a bunch of “usual suspects”. I kind of like the Weird Al Yankovic version (a tip of the hat to HHNF). Can we use it as a spacer until you find your song Windrose?
Livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop (dysentery) the mold from growin’ (dysentery)
Livin’ in the fridge
Can’t tell what (dysentery) it is at all (dysentery)
Livin’ in the fridge
Refrigerator.
Dear god I loved this song. The perfect mix of Aerosmith and Weird Al.
I thought “Windrose” is you.
Windrose woe = zygotes? Caviar occulte; oculusi mea! oculusi mea!
Windrose: is it “I’ve Got My Face in the Fridge Over You” by Barbie and the Big Cheese Band?
No, jg, it’s not. It’s sung by the fridge, in a very loving way. Sigh. Just not my day for the perfect quote.
I can haz ottom freezer?
Query: I have never bought appliances (all apts furnished) and I send my laundry out to be done so I may be wrong about this but isn’t Maytag a maker of laundry appliances, not kitchen durable goods? The listing for “1 real nice matag [sic] frezer [sic] on top” has me puzzled. Is this actually a stacked washer-dryer set that the OP thinks is a separate fridge-freezer combo? Because he’s going to be disappointed when he puts his Hungry-Man dinners in to what he thinks is the freezer and they get tumble-dried with a light coating of static remover.
They make freezers, washing machines, all sorts of appliances. I’ve even seen ads in old Sear’s Catalogues for Maytag sewing machines, but I don’t think they make those anymore.
Point taken. Thanks!
I just love the fact that my landlords have never sprung for name-brand appliances, now that I think about it.
So you might have had a Matag but not a Maytag?
Exactly. Or maybe even just a Mata, which was partly rebuilt from old Miata parts.
Would explain having to press the clutch before turning it on.
Well, the [corey] on the appliance biz is that most of the machinery is made in only a few plants, and then is “name plated” for sale. “Kenmore” appliances have been White Westinghouse, GE, Frigidaire, and LG, just from the top of my head.
Jenn-Air used to just be a line of downdraft cooktops, but now has updraft models, ranges and ovens, m/w, d/w and “refrigeration” products. Sub-Zero is now partnered with Wolf, so that they can sell almost everything in a kitchen.
ugh, the detritus one collects after a decade in the semi-custom cabinet biz [/corey]
Looking at the missing/extra letters, I wondered if perhaps there was a code, so I tried to figure it out.
All I can come up with is the typist complaining that his coworker, Zedediah, is sleeping on the job (hey, Zed dozed), or a Canadian making a heavily veiled reference to American blues rock (Zed Zed Heyod could, I suppose, = ZZ Top). Perhaps a nod to the fact that the frezzers would be a great place to store your “TV Dinners“?
…Yeah, I got nuthin’.
*snicker*
Reading about the “coworker, Zebediah” who was sleeping on the job, I immediately wanted to help and put in my $.02.
Perhaps Cow Sense: Herd Management Software might actually come in handy as some bulls in the herd [namely, Zebediah] appear to be in need of some managing.
And we think those pop-up ads won’t prove to be invaluable *silly*….happy to help!
Uh, you guys, this is a little OT but I have to vent and I know you all will understand. We were looking to buy a full mattress and box spring from CL and I found one in the next town over. The ad said something to the effect “Like new. Very clean.” Sent hubby on Saturday, as I was busy with other errands and he knows how to wrangle this stuff onto the top of a car, and he comes back with a full mattress and box spring that smells like someone smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day on it for a year. Should have known something was up when I spoke to the woman on the phone and she sounded like my Grandma (who smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day). If I had been there I probably would have taken the mattress but talked her price way down. Hubby feels horrible but he’s the non-confrontational type. It’s ok. We’re going to put it all out on the sunny deck this weekend and I’m sure all will be well. But I really should have known better. Believe a CL ad and take it for its word??? (hangs head in shame)
“Very clean” clearly means “no stains visible to the naked eye” in this instance. Odor? Well, if you smoke three packs a day your sense of smell is probably shot, so of course she wouldn’t smell anything unusual!
That sucks. I hope that airing it for a few days and maybe some kind of odor-neutralizer spray does the trick for you.
Call SERVPRO….
When fire and water and 3 packs of cigarettes a day take control of your life, we help you take it back – Like it never even happened.
If it’s not damp or rainy where you are, try this. Liberally sprinkle baking soda on the mattress and boxspring, let it sit for at least a day, and then vacuum it up.(If it’s really bad you might have to do it a couple of times.) If it’s outside you might want to cover it with a sheet at night to keep the dew from turning it into a paste.
You can also spray it with vinegar instead, it will remove the smoke-smell but then you’ll have a mattress that smells like vinegar.
I’ve heard tomato juice works well for smells. Oh, wait….perhaps not a good choice unless you want the detectives to show up at your door.
Then you just rub a little vodka on it, and tell them you spilled your Bloody Mary.
Vodka fixes everything!
Actually, didn’t the Mythbusters clean cigarette odor off a shirt by spraying the shirt with vodka? Maybe vodka really is the answer.
Thanks all for the tips! I’ll start with the baking soda and go from there. Well, for me it’s always a short trip from baking soda to vodka, but that’s a whole other story.
I forgot to mention the ripped lining underneath the box spring where her cats made a hideaway. But I think my new cats will make that work to their advantage.
It is actually supposed to be sunny and in the 70s here this weekend in the Boston area!! Fine mattress-airing weather indeed.
I’d ask someone who knows things before I tried this, but my first intuition is to try to get it clean with a Rug Doctor. Anyone think that’s a dumb idea?
No, it makes sense, it’s basically cloth-covered foam on top of springs. If you could balance the cleaner without it tipping over on you, it might work. I’ve never done it, though. I don’t know if the pump on it would be able to draw all the moisture out of the foam, since it’s designed for thinner and less absorbent carpet and carpet padding.
No offense, Isaac, but I think it’s a dumb idea. Rug cleaning machines work because the subflooring beneath the rug holds most of the liquid in place long enough for the machine to suck most of it back out, bringing the dirt with it and leaving the carpet damp rather than soaking wet. If it’s just damp, the carpet will dry quickly enough that mold and mildew won’t grow. With a mattress, unless it had some kind of impermeable barrier under the top pad, which I don’t think they do, the fluid is going to soak too far down through the mattress to be sucked back up by the action of the machine. There will be lot of liquid that won’t be removed and which will probably dry out very slowly, if at all, causing bad things to happen.
I like the way you think, though. Personally, I would try “forced ventilation” of the mattress with my gas-powered leaf blower, possibly augmenting the air stream by spraying lysol disinfectant into the blower air intake.
@ jg: If we hadn’t already established that you were male, there would be no mistaking it after that comment. 🙂 If there is any chore around the ranch that needs to be done, Mr. Eyebrows will try to figure out how to do it with one (or more) of his tools that makes A LOT OF NOISE! And your idea sounds like a winner. *makes note to self to remember new use for blower.*
I agree AE, not only was it a very “manly” comment, but I think it deserved a corey credit too.
Thanks Archie and Dev! Man creds and corey creds all in one!
Any guy who wants to clean something and I don’t have to? I’ll get my earplugs, and we’ll both be happy. Man creds to you! I’ll even put a beer (or six) in to chill while you’re working.
I know its late, and you may have already begun, but I would recommend three things:
First you need to kill what ever is already living in that mattress — the dust mites and fungus need to die — and the best way to kill vermin is steam followed by hydrogen peroxide, then bleach. Choose your weapon of mass destruction carefully, and only use one. Mixing bleach with other cleaners may kill you. Hydrogen peroxide destroys things, test before use. Go with the rental steam cleaner, as long as it really makes steam.
Second, you need to deodorize, and baking soda or fabreeze may do the job (so will H2O2).
Finally, you need to constrain, cordon off or otherwise gulag the odors and critter that survive your attempts at obliteration by encasing them in a hypoallergenic sleeve — pores too small for dust mites to penetrate yet allows oxygen through. These are cheap and get the job done.
And yes, I like the idea of using power tools to speed the drying process. You don’t want to be putting wet things into a cool dark space. Mold is bad, very bad.
Gotta throw this in for the heck of it. I know you are going to put the mattress outside, so it’s probably okay, but do not every use Fabreeze around birds in an enclosed area. Because of the strange lungs and air sacs set up birds have, this can be lethal. Scented candles, teflon, and ciggies also go on the list.
Thanks for read. 8)
Also, marijuana, at least according to a friend of mine. He went to a party in high school where there was both pot and an African grey parrot. The parrot died from the smoke.
Not that I think Colleen is planning to do this, but if you’re making a list of things not to do around birds, add that one.
I was reminded of this earlier this evening because it is nice enough to have the windows open and, as happened last year as well, someone’s (still haven’t learned who) smoke drifted in, making the place smell incredibly skunky and giving the cat and I munchies. I don’t much care what people do, within reason, in their own apts, but when it affects mine (I don’t get high, I get nauseated), I care.
/rant
These are great suggestions. We’re airing it out now but attacking it full-force this weekend. And by full-force, I mean I’m bringing it by your house, BigUncleJohn. Seriously – throw an ad up on CL offering used mattress cleaning services.
On second thought, that might get gross. Never mind.
on top, on bottom, side by side? Various prices? Sounds like a mine hors ad for appliances looking for hawt sects.
I CAN HAZ FREZZER?
Am I the only one struggling with the cat math?
After all, the title promises 20 nice friges for just $199, which sounds quite a bargain doesn’t it? All 20 for a total of $199 sounds like a steal actually, but then it seems every one of these friges is individually more then $199. In fact he never mentions that amount in the ad at all.
So I think I’ll give him a call and take up the offer of all 20 in one go, sounds the better deal to me.
What would you do with twenty friges, though?
Build a new fence?
Play the world’s deadliest game of hide and seek?
Build unique bookcases to keep your reading material in a climate-controlled enviroment?
Finally make the house cold enough in the summertime?
Turn one into a bong?
those all sounds like perfectly reasonable ideas to me………….given that though maybe I need more coffee.
Or perhaps discuss dosing options with your doctor. Or that nice young man on the corner, Al Kutya.
What would you do with twenty friges, though?
Make many kegerators?
Having slogged through many too many convoluted familial meal situations, the architortural portion of my cranial mush has envisioned a place, and elegant, if simple space. With tasteful sheet-goods flooring and simple painted surfaces (not one iota expended to knick-knackery, rickety antiquery, or other similar No!No! bric-brackerie).
Along one wall would be a line of refrigerators and pantries. Another wall would have naught but sinks & d/w. There’d then be two or three islands of cooktops & ovens.
The remainder would be for tables which could then be configured in various ans sundry fashions as whichever present family dynamic requires.
Ah, the things one dreams while having to labour in the opposite of the above.
I wish you hadn’t mentioned the bookcase idea. I am just sleep-deprived enough for that to sound TOTALLY BRILLIANT.
I shall blame you if my weekend involves driving around picking up used fri(d)ges and painting labels on them: “Historical Fiction,” “Sci-Fi,” “Pratchett,” “Pratchett (cont’d),” “Psychological Self-help/Reference,” etc.
Don’t forget “Pratchett (cont’d pt. II).”
Someone sent me an ad for a broken fridge that the person recommends using as a bookcase … I have that ad somewhere, I know …
“If thou struggleth in the way of the Arithmetiks moste Feline, thou shalt obtain ye a Holie Catulator of Antioch, and ye shall use it to calculate difficulties of the Arithmetiks moste Feline.” – Book of CatMaths, 9:1
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. “I’ll take the twenty.” Then, I can turn a slight profit on each of them in resale… can’t be hard – they were $9.95 each. If I can sell ’em for even $30 each that’s $401 profit, and who wouldn’t buy a $30 fridge? And with that money, I could buy a new, actually-has-a-serial-number fridge! With a real brand-name!
Step 1) 20 nice friges – $199
Step 2) ???
Step 3) Profit!
Step 4) Non-sketchy refrigerator.
Punchity! Hey! And on my own this time!
I’m still tender from the black eyes … could you go for the forehead this time, or, if you have to, the nose, Windrose? Thanks.
*braces self*
Speaking of punches…
Oh, Lola! Too bad I didn’t read this before the punch. I — I think your nose will be okay in the morning. Maybe not the eye. Sheesh. Guess I don’t know my own strength.
No prob, now I have a medical reason for a nose job!* Thanks!
*Don’t need one, medically or not, but know someone who got a free rhinoplasty when she had remodelizing surgery on her palate.
Frige Frezzer
live at 40WatT 2NiTe!
One Nite Only Cannt Fud Drive!!
The answer is no: food can not drive. It doesn’t have a license.
No license? Thens y’ain gettin inna club, bub!
Usage there being familial; preserved foods were referred to as “cant” partially as one of the more prolific canning family members was Pennsy Dutch and spoke in “kant.” For some of the relatives, who would eschew labels on jars, the gifted food items were then called Immanuel’s.
A new in-law wanted to know why the term was not “jart”–and was told because none of the pacific coast relations had cellars.
Yes, I was raised by wits; halves, nims, etc.; we even had all three donkeys, too’ Dumb, Smart, and Jack.
Received in the post today a canned good–Scotch Broth, just to compound the aptness.
This being April fools day, I thought for sure the post would be a correctly spelled, well thought out, clear and concise ad, with the proper mathematical figures. Haha.
Somewhat off-topic: on Deviantart (where I keep my gallery) they have an option to give away llama badges today. LLAMA BADGES !
*gives away honorary llama badges to everyone here*
Do you know how long it would take to find an ad like that?
Is there even such a thing?
‘Tis a tale from myth and legend, as it is written in the Holy Tome of the Llama-nun.
And lo, a day shall cometh that one shall be found that doth not sucketh. Such a sight shall herald the beginning of the end, when elbenty zombie unicorns shall burst forth from the internets, to smite the wicked illiterate and ill-bred, and also those who doth speak on thy cell phones in yon cinema during the feature presentation.
See? It’s right there
We really did think about doing that, SilvaNoir!
Well, as an April Fool, it needn’t be real.
Wait a minute…. I just remembered what day it is today. You guys really dropped the ball on this one. You should have posted a sane, articulate, clear, sensible, and reasonable Craigslist ad and watched us go crazy trying to figure what’s wrong with it. Oh wait, there is no such thing! April Fools!
EDIT – I see Silva beat me to it. Great minds think alike, and so do ours. 😉
We thought about it!
Perhaps, tomorrow, it will be posted that this was not real?
Sadly, this is very real.
Wander’d lonely as a cloud
My woes ne’er quite aloud
But laments linger in refrain
To monopolize my thoughts
Tabulation I’m loathe to declaim
Rife, yet no more than naughts
To busy, hurrying crowd
An to no more will I avow
O carry me to my rest
Erato’s surety wrest
From me in usurious grasp
Stop me ere I rhyme again
Hey buddy,
You’ve dropped your ayches, dees, ees and wise. I see though, that you’ve found some extra ohs and scattered all your spaces. How did you find room for 20 friges? They don’t come with a body hidden in it, do they?
Lola, please report to the office. I await your apology, young lady!
*sneef*
Sorry, Windrose!
*gulp*
8)
Apology Accepted. Punchity-punch-punch! 8)
Woo-hoo! Found it! Lyrics here:
http://www.efn.org/~bch/songs/hotpointwarmheartlyr.html
And Video Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRkvYkfZyzQ
Now I can relax.
so were these friges originally stolen or sumpthin?? why you gots all them friges?
i guess not bad for a 8th grade dropout….