YSaC, Vol. 612: I usually obey the French clarinet.
late model speed boat ckmate deolpemate – $4495
19.6 ckmate remake deolplemate reborn 488 power speed of about the load fuel levl and power to drive at 72 mph avarave pwere about 52 mph 30gl hafe day 4 hour run time rebuile 488 alphs one lond shaft steanless steeel 21 pick wake bord hill gria tshort lin e tube mursruser enthing almos t new. see phote more to add call xxx.xxx.xxxx nice low pro trailer nice tred but there 20 years old . regration for boat tille for trailer .trade for rv driveable bus van motor home wante nice speeed ventage boat nice R/V/R/c toy wanted must be whole collecions 10. $ trade value 4500 dallars buys it need more house cnotrantor add to apply you built the she shaye boats your .better the 20 X30 side add on and one truck garade added to my paid for lake front homee test in the spring fron t yord .winertized wel sell and set up.spring 2010
This may make sense to someone. Undoubtedly someone will come in and Corey all over this, saying, “Well, clearly he’s offering a rebuilt 488 blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah trailer blah blah blah watermelon blah blah blah weasel. Anyone can tell that.”
And to that person, I preemptively call bullshit. There’s NO WAY you can understand what this is saying. Just when you think he’s almost making sense, and almost getting words in a row that make sense together (shaft steanless steeel? if you forgive the random misspellings and surplus of es, that maybe could possibly make sense), he veers off into random collections of letters that vaguely remind one of words, but not quite. “Avarave?” “Mursruser?”
And don’t even get me started on “It need more house cnotrantor add to apply you built the she shaye boats your .” I mean, obviously it anagrams to poet pachydermatously undershot youth undershorts obey italianate oboe, but other than that? What the hell?
No. No, this doesn’t make any sense at all. Go ahead and Corey it up, folks … I’ll be sitting in the corner crying.
Thanks for the submission, Scott!
I think we might need a “possibly awesome” tag for this, because clearly we’ll never know for sure what’s being offered.
What’s being offered? My guess is a contact high from all the meth that person has ingested. The ad starts somewhat comprehensibly then degenerates as the drug’s effect strengthens. If you read it over and over while pretending you’re reading Faulkner it has this confounding effect and your mind simply rolls over and plays dead.
I wouldn’t recommend pretending this is Faulkner. The things you learn about your family in the process will scar you for life.
My favorite part is “my paid for lake front homee test in the spring” . I already took this test last spring, and I am definately a lake front homee now.
Oh and they have 488 alphs? As in Alf? Whoa, they must have discovered Melmac.
My favorite part is “winertized.” It sounds like something a superhero would say, or maybe a drunk frat boy.
“Don’t look now, but you’ve just been Winertized…heh heh.”
Actually, it IS very clear what he is offering – however, you just need to be in the proper state of mind to understand the cryptic message. If you apply the rules of Catmath logic in solving algebraic polynomial sequences involving unblublers, you’ll see what I mean.
To begin: Do NOT attempt to use a catulator unless it has a 488 steanless steel shaft – using any other catulator will result in becoming a stripper-renting accountant.
Using the following variables, you can solve the problem: x=pi/square root of kumquats. y= 20×30 side add on. z= roomba lessons.
Combine all ingredients in a small bowl, mixing briskly, then pour over a well-chilled Not.A.Lionel. bust. Serve with Bud Light.
My work here is done….
Is “catulator” new, or did I miss its introduction? It’s a fine term.
My theory is that the poster is trying to sell an outboard motor for a boat. I’m not sure where I got that, and I’m afraid to look at the post again.
Still, this makes me have all kind of appreciation for the prose my undergraduates write.
I must admit, ‘catulator’ is new. I felt that since we were entering a higher level of catmath a tool to facilitate computations would be in order.
I do hope that we don’t need to advance to a level requiring a ‘catputer’ – it takes dog-daze to program them properly.
*slinks from room with tail between his legs, whimpering.
I nominate Dog-Daze Catulator as the band name of the day.
I agree, Isaac… I’m fairly certain (haha, at first I typed “faily”) certain it’s some type of boat, but my brain hurts trying to figure out anything beyond that. I tried translating… I really did…
I think “Catulator” should be our new word. It is awesome squared.
It would take very high doses of very strong and possibly illegal medication for me to reach the particular “state of mind” needed to make sense of this…this…whatever it is.
Catulator is a doubleplus good term! What with all the Catmath we have to do these days, it would definitely be more convenient to have a catulator than having to write everything out by hand.
Yay for the 1984 reference- perfect for our own little five minutes of hate.
Strunk, White, Merriam, and Webster are all spinning in their graves.
I’m going to go away from this now before my brain implodes.
S@#T! A 19.6 ckmate remake deolplemate!!! Very rare…….
I wonder if that’s a deolplemate as in a deolplefriend or a deolplesexualpartner. You need to make these things very clear on CL.
I’m pretty sure Avarave is the mid 90s techno-club remix of “Ava Maria.”
Or perhaps it’s a one word decription of the experience of watching “Avatar” in 3D while on acid.
I think it’s an unblubler of the word “average.”
That was my take too, but it’s not nearly as amusing.
The ads at the top of the page seem to think they know what this is all about. I have one ad for a cargo trailer. But is it nice? I think the OP is nice. Nice is one of his/her favorite words. Isn’t that nice?
“Check out the hottest singles: Flirt Now!”
???
I’m getting auto insurance. Maybe Google really does know everything.
“Dealing with a New DUI? Get a free consultation now!”
Google indeed knows all.
I’m not getting any ads. lol
But clearly, this item being offered is something I need. Does anyone know the exchange rate for dollars to dallars?
Possibly because of your comment, sarajean, I’m getting ads for holidays in Nice, accompanied by boat trailer hire in Auckland (only a convenient 10 hour drive away!) and ‘fitness singles, where surfers meet’. So, I’m supposed to meet a hot surfer (ok), drive to Auckland (not awesome, but carry on) and use my trailer to take my boat to the ocean, and thence to Nice! Well, if Google thinks it’s a good idea…
My ads are all about boat loans and boats for sale so, what? this is a boat ad? Cargo trailers and boats? Does this make sense now? No. It still makes my brain hurt.
Damn, that was painful.
You can kinda-sorta get some glimmer of something, then Sparky veers off on a new tangent. I’m guessing it’s a meth-head trying to raise funds for his “medication” but can’t decide what to sell. It’s either a boat, a car, or some sort of RV. Could be a random pile of junk he stole from a junkyard. Or a R/V/R/c toy camper. Or some strange hybrid that only exists in his overcooked brain.(That would be kind of awesome. A car boat that’s also an RV. You’d never have to buy another vehicle again!)
Yeah…I got nothin’. I think my snark broke.
No, sarajean, not broke, just hiding in the corner with drmk and a few other snarks, including mine, whimpering and hoping the nice man goes away.
*passes flask to group in corner*
I topped it off again after I had some, let me know if you need more. I did.
I fed this through UnblubleFish and got this translation:
I have a 19.6′ Checkmate speedboat, refitted with a double mate’s seat. Rebored 488-horsepower engine. The speed will depend on your load and fuel level, but you’ll have the power to drive at 72 MPH. Average speed is 52 MPH. The 30-gallon gas tank allows for a half-day (four-hour) run time.
Rebuilt 488-HP Alpha One sterndrive engine with long-shaft stainless-steel propeller.
If you’re 21, you may pick a wakeboard from my collection, which I keep on a hill.
Great short-line tube MerCruiser engine. Everything is almost new.
See the photo. I have more to add! Call xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Nice pro low trailer, nice tread on the tires, though they’re 20 years old.
Registration for boat.
Tiller for trailer.
I’ll trade for an RV; a drivable bus, van, or motorhome.
Want a nice vintage speedboat?
By the way, I’m looking for whole collections of nice remote control RV toys. I’ll pay $10 for these.
Anyway, this is a fair price given the trade value, so $4500 buys it.
Need more house? (Contractor ad, too.) Happily you bought the ski chase boat: you’d better get something like the 20 x 30 side add-on or one-truck garage I added to my paid-for lakefront home. These are best built in the spring, in your front yard. They’re winterized. I will sell and set these up in Spring 2010.
How? Did? You? Do? That?
Probably, frighteningly, the same way I did, a mix of motor-speak; boat experience; and being around variously-sober gearheads.
What scares me most is that this has a suspicious look of voice-to-text in unedited form. Some VTT is quite good, even adaptive to regional dialect and the like. Enough that some users stop bothering to check and edit the output.
Which makes me sad, if this is someone who is now vision-impaired.
Or, I should be sad for this being evidence that, as marbles go, I’ve only ball bearings, and have wandered past one too many magnets. OOh, Nascar! Shiney!
Wow. That’s way more thinking than I have the patience for at this hour of a Sunday. Impressive, though.
…
…
…
I got nothin’.
What Windrose said. With more expletives.
I am in AWE.
Wow. That’s actually plausible.
Well, some of it, maybe.
“Happily you bought the ski chase boat” is pretty lame, though. Alternate ideas, anybody?
Maybe “hopefully you bought the ski chase boat”?
My favorite part is “If you’re 21, you may pick a wakeboard from my collection, which I keep on a hill.”
Jiminy Christmas!
I nominate MrWhite for Corey Award of the Century, ’cause…damn.
Dude, for that effort I say forget Corey and start giving out Mr. White awards!
I could totally second that sentiment. I was getting ready to throw in the towel, pronounce the OP a total whackjob (which may or may not still be accurate), and then Mr. White comes along and waves a figurative wand, and POOF, we have English!
Should be “title for trailer,” otherwise awesome Coreyfication, there. 🙂
Good call.
Sorry, no – tiller is certainly correct. You would use the tiller to prepare the garden so you could plant the trailer. Then you could grow fresh, new, little trailers – minty trailers.
Mmmm, fresh, new, minty trailers – my mouth is watering!
Well, I have heard of truck gardens before…
Impressive!
UnblubleFish…
fantastic.
Hat tip to Isaac’s post above for that inspiration.
“UnblubleFish” FTW. Somewhere, I think Douglas Adams is smiling, or perhaps even laughing.
And you’re still writing coherently, MrWhite! I am impressed.
*leaves before querying state of sanity*
Bravo, sir, and well done! Hopefully, any nervous tics you developed during translation process have subsided. Only one small corey comment: I think he has a low profile boat trailer, which means the boat sits lower on the trailer…between the tires rather than above them. Low pro (or low bed) trailers are also used for heavy equipment. Their purpose is to reduce top-heavy loads. /corey
[more corey]Low profile (aka “low-pros”) boat trailers are also handy on shallow-angle boat ramps, as you do not have to back the tow vehicle quite so far out into the water.
Said ramps being more common on bodies of water intended for water-skiing, too.
Possessing the boat registration and trailer title making for a neater sale, so these are common things to inquire after in watercraft transactions. It is, however, much more common to state how recent such things are, though. Buying a boat trailer with a title needing renewing is a pain, but better than one long expired.
My nitpick on watercraft trailers is on how recently the axles were greased. But, seeing as how this trailer is on 20 y/o tires, proper greasing seems as likely as coherent speeling by our author.
[/corey]
Oh yeah, Capn. You know we love it when you talk nautical to us..
Avast there, me hearty, or cat’ll be out t’bag, and none t’watch will answer to splice the main brace.
Careen’in’ about the littoral being the best skills of me WesPac maties from SD to King Co seeming to muster to. Barring circumlocutions on their circumnavigations in grogshop or chandlery.
*bows out of great respect*
Dammit. You beat me to it. I have quite a bit of experience with hillbilly mumblespeak, so I could parse some of this too.
Oh, shatner. Seems we have an Idiot translator here. Your skills are invaluable to us. We will pay you elebenty hunnert bajillion internets if you stay on with us to decipher submissions.
I’ve got an ad for Spellzone! “A tried and tested on-line spelling course written especially for teenagers and adults.”
I’m excited that such a thing exists but they should really be advertising on craigslist, not here, don’t ya think? They must thing YOU wrote that ad, drmk.
@drmk:
I agree with you that no one could possibly understand what it means, BUT… I can tell that it means something. It isn’t just a random pile of letters and punctuation marks, because the 15% or so of it that I can almost read seems to be talking about the same thing.
I can see an intermediate between English-speakers and this ad on the profiles of some of my Facebook friends. A little farther on the non-communicative side is the guy who was asking me for money outside my apartment yesterday. It took about 15 minutes to get to what he wanted (his boss was out of town and he needed money for his medicine, so if I gave it to him, his boss said he’d pay me back). This ad seems like the natural next step.
It’s kind of sad that this most likely wasn’t generated by a spambot.
Well, shat. I posted this before reading MrWhite’s labor of love up there.
Okay, so you CAN understand it, but why would you WANT to?
Who/what is Corey? I must have missed that meme…
It goes along with DA Minty Shell. Let me see, that would be. . . Vol 545 —
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=3819
I’ve added the brand new “Corey” tag to that post to help folks who are looking for an explanation.
[off topic]Hey, could we amend the style sheet so that “” renders legible? Would be even cooler if it appended the link.
My forehead would appreciate this for when I forget to use square vice angle brackets, and have to race to edit for readability.
[on topic]
If I knew what “” was, sure. 😉
Looks like Boomhauer managed to post on CL.
“Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol’ Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An’ lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It’s real easy, man.”
What we have here folks, is a clear case of dyslexia.
Raerrange teh lteters in eevry wrod and you wlil sitll be albe to raed it!
Sorry, but that’s something I have to debunk. There was a string of text going around a few years ago like that, but linguists demonstrated that that is NOT true. The text in question was carefully constructed — first and last letters of the words remained the same, and there were enough small words (be, my) that remained the same that helped provide context.
I can’t find the link right now to the thorough linguistic debunking, because I’m off to a meeting, but that particular urban legend is just not true.
Plus, this isn’t dyslexia.
No, the poster had someone – most likely his cat walking across the keyboard – write this ad. I’m gonna file a letter with the ethics board about it, soon as I can get someone to write it for me.
I’m thinking it looks more like post-stroke aphasia, but cat-like typing could be plausible too.
I’m going to have to agree with you there. Some dyslexics are really good about learning and getting over their issues, but my best friend never did like school. She writes a lot like this. She even gets words mixed up. Like when she was telling me she was at the rodeo over the phone. It took her repeating it a few times before I realized she mean the round-about.
I think people forget that that dyslixia can have deeper affects on a person’s ability to write. It’s not JUST messing up letters if you’ve been dyslexic your whole life – ESPECIALLY if the dyslexia made reading and writing THE WORST THING EVER and made learning a torturous chore.
So yes, I think it’s dyslexia, and on behalf of my friend, I’m actually a tiny bit hurt at all the “it’s clearly a meth-head’ jokes. If you dont’ think it’s dyslixia, you must not know anyone with a really bad case of it.
As you point out, dyslexia isn’t just messing up letters; there’s much, much more to it than that. That’s just the cheap, “Oh, I spelled it ‘teh’, I must be dyslexic” joke.
As an academic, I know plenty of people with various types of dyslexia, and deal with their writing on a regular basis. This isn’t dyslexia.
Anyway, the primary thing I was ranting about was that “you can sitll raed tihs” nonsense.
Way to Corey a non-serious comment on dyslexics. -sigh- I’m going back under my Flinstones rock with my flannels on.
Uh…
WTF is this Craigslist Ad for???
I wonder if they are smokin some serious stuff…
I just have to point out that when I was trying to determine what a ‘deolpemate ‘ was I ran across the post in a speedboat forum. Even diehard boaters couldn’t figure out what it meant.
http://forums.screamandfly.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1905558
Dear poster,
You had me at 19.6 ckmate remake deolplemate…
When depeoplemate, we call it pron.
Double Punch Night! Maire and Snickers! well done!
This Checkmate Diplomat has a 21″ pitch stainless steel propeller and a wakeboard hull.
I think the ad means to say the BOAT has been well winterized and will be set up for testing in the front yard this spring.
Reality is so much less interesting than the imagination.
“Reality is so much less interesting than the imagination.”
amen sista!
Did you change your name, Corey, old boy?
Guys? Guys! I used the google translator to translate it into Chinese and then back into English. And it makes much more sense than before!
After changing and correcting some things here an there, the following text came out.
Please note that some words were too mursruser-ish to correct (I mean, seriously, WHAT THE HELL).
But now, please lean back and enjoy the outcome of this.
The latest model boats will be dead diplomat – 4495 U.S. dollars
19.6 rebirth of a dying diplomat to remake the speed of 488 pairs of power, load-wave edge of fuel and power to drive 72 mph at about 52 mph 30gl a half-day 4-hour running time to rebuild a long-axis 488 alphs Stainless Steel 21 suffix Lin Bo Itayama gria tshort average, the power management mursruser almost any new. See photos more to add appeal to low-pro-trailer xxx.xxx.xxxx good deal but there are 20 years old. regration boat trailer tie. Trade in car drivers to bus speed of cars, good wine, improves vessel / Article V / r / dirty toys, must be the entire set of 10. $ Trading value of 4,500 U.S. dollars to buy a house it needs more cnotrantor you build your application to join her Shaye boat. 20 X30 good side and a truck garage attached to the front yard of my house in spring lake test payment. Good sales of cold and settings. 2010 Spring
Yes. Even google is confused by this. ‘Itayama’ isn’t even Chinese.
Sounds like a bad deal if you’re a diplomat, but it definitely makes more sense than the original; funnier too. My favorite line is “Trade in car drivers to bus speed of cars, good wine, improves vessel / Article V / r / dirty toys, must be the entire set of 10.” WTH indeed.
my brain hurts!
Would someone please explain to me why I just spent the better part of 10 minutes trying to figure out what the hell Sparky’s selling here?
Thanks.
And, I might add, I own a boat….sigh…
It’s so sad that Ozzy Osbourne has to resort to selling his things on Craigslist.
You get points for the Far Side reference in the post…. it made me laugh.
Yeah… hadn’t seen that one in a while. Took me back into my youth. 😀
Did Jeff Boomhauer post that?
I miss Corey.
Kudos to all Coreys out there and for the translation.
I’m positive that Almos T New (my capitalisation) was the lead singer with the Four Tops. Perhaps he’s got a new career in boat trading?
I’m guessing he’s got a boat for sale, which has a redone engine, so it’s got lots of “pwere”, as it goes 52mph, which is quite fast for a boat. I think. I’m not as much of a boatman as he is, obviously. Also, he seems to have an old boattrailer, which might need some new tires or something.
What really worries me though, is the fact that he thinks about bartering the boat for a van or motorhome. And him on the road, with a bad mixture of all drugs known and unknown to men in his blood, REA-HEAL-LY majorly freaks me out. Big Time.
Boomhauer’s cousin is posting on Craig’s List now?