YSaC, Vol. 600: We’re keeping the dog.
!!!!! CHECKERS !!!!
Works no longer need
PLEASE EMAIL ME A DAY AND TIME you would like to pick up.
How do you KNOW those checkers really work? Have they been thoroughly tested? What if I get these checkers, and then find myself the Republican nominee for the vice-presidency? If I should subsequently find myself embroiled in a fundraising scandal, are you absolutely sure that giving an emotional, heartfelt speech about these will rescue my political career, leaving me free to become president, attempt to wiretap my opponent during my reelection bid, and then resign in disgrace to prevent impeachment over the subsequent cover-up? Because I think that’s absolutely essential.
Assuming you CAN assure me of this, how’s next Tuesday at 3?
Thanks for the link, Jooley!
The checkers are free. The board costs $50.
$50: Piece of cardboard with red and black square pattern on it.
But where are the instructions? How do I become king? By exploiting the masses?
If we look to the metaphorical aspect of the game, you become king by crossing the battlefield of your enemy and penetrating their rear defenses. Then you strike at the enemy from behind, plowing deep into their backside, letting none escape your might.
That may only work if you’re Alexander the great, though.
Isn’t that Chubby Checkers?
There goes Taco again, talking about penetrating my rear defenses. I thought you only got to do that on your birthday?
Get a room.
Birthday? I thought that was supposed to be an anniversary “present.”
*looks around*
I’ll get me coat.
I’ll get the baconlube.
You know, bacon is supposed to make everything better, but I’m not sure about baconlube, in this case. Lots of Bacontinis would probably be just as preparatorily effective.
*looks for way out of room*
uhhhh, yeeeeah, I’m pretty much up for anything at least once, and I wholeheartedly draw the line at baconlube. The link was sent to me by a hopeful suitor, too. Oh HELL NO!
but I’m not sure about baconlube
Well, it does have a touch of the reduntant to it.
Rather like greaseoil.
And, really, go to the bodega, and they have it, it’s in a green and white carton labeled “manteca” (and is the thing one must have for making frijoles refritos, and is ever-so traditional for tortillas harina).
CapnMac, I’ve only ever seen the link, but trust me, I know from manteca and it is most decidedly not the same as baconlube.
Ugh, baconlube. Not water soluble.
How do I become king? By exploiting the masses?
Well, you need to comport with aquatic bints inclined to offering up spare bits of cutlery to start.
Then you need the ability to perambulate about with less excrement on you.
Building wooden rarebit in Cymru is optional (and with potential danger to include loss of life, limb, or luggage in proximity to the minions of Guy de Lombard).
Those are the least appealing hamburgers I’ve ever seen.
It looks as though they mixed the burnt ones with those waiting to be cooked. How careless.
They’re not even on buns. They’re missing even the most basic of fixins.
Dang, from the headline I thought they were selling methed-up supermarket workers. I need a few of those, because I swear everyone who rings me up moves like they are underwater. I once had a guy wait on me who I was convinced had had a “funny cigarette” during his smoke break. I had that job, and I rang things up like they were on fire, AND we didn’t have a scanner, I actually had to learn the keypad (still know it in my sleep, too). So I seriously can’t figure out what makes them slow.
Anyranthow, I’m glad they put the picture in. These checkers don’t even have opposable thumbs so that they can wait on you at all.
Lola, you forgot part of your rant.
“I had that job, and I rang things up like they were on fire, AND we didn’t have a scanner, I actually had to learn the keypad.”
“And that’s the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it”
Nice try, Bianchi, but that job is the reason I refuse to take one now that requires dealing with the public in any capacity beyond marginal. And I wanted a scanner! Also, we couldn’t even take credit cards!
On the plus side, name-brand cigarettes were less than two dollars a pack. I didn’t smoke, but slow suicide was cheaper then. Ah, the good old days.
I know about that kind of memory. Bananas are 4011 and 4064 is green bell peppers. I believe the store brand dog food was 605388720764. Oh, the good old days.
Ha, the good old days when lung cancer was more accessible to the masses….yeah.
Oh, and going by that price, I have to guess I was like, what….6?
Those prices were in place in my area when I was about 18. You could get a carton of cigarettes for about $20! (“Smoke up, Johnny!”) I remember we had one dude who came in periodically to get cartons of unfiltered Lucky Strikes. Then I didn’t see him for a while. When he finally came back I could tell from the conversations people were having with him that he’d had a heart attack.
Never bought even a pack of Luckies or any other kind again.
In my neck of the woods they are still in the $3-$4 per pack range, they only recently got that expensive. North Carolina’s a big tobacco state, though. In fact, there’s a gas station on my way home that advertises two cigars for a dollar. (I’m sure they are high quality.) On my first trip to Vegas I was surprised to find cigarette vending machines (illegal in NC) with packs for $6-$7 a pop.
There’s no price, so I have to do it:
“I have a red checker, take it for free!!!”
*smells like meme spirit – I love the smell of YS@C meme in the morning*
Are red and black the only colors these come in? They soooooo clash with the nacho fountain, not.a.lion. rug, chaise lounge (only one, sigh…), and much more too many to list items in my home.
I’m so glad the checkers still work, because I wouldn’t know where to buy batteries for them. Whew!
And was the picture taken on top of a washing machine?
Checkers? Are you sure? Looks more like English draughts to me……..
Would those be chequers?
Mmmmmm – chequers…….
I am curious for what situation in life a checkers board only is required. If the checkers work but are no longer needed, I have to assume the board is being put to other uses such as:
-a backdrop for photos of items being sold on Craigslist,
-some sort of strange device for calculating cat math problems,
-a replacement poker table topper,
-playing with the matching chess set pieces (the board for said chess set is being sold separately. Take it for free)
The possibilities are endless
Cat math abacus.
They have those?! 😀
Yup. Fish on a stick.
Yeah, haven’t you seen them? They use M & M’s.
It all makes sense now! Thanks guys. Apparently I don’t get out enough
You forgot one: replacing a floor tile in a diner, or a barbershop.
Thank you, Hartster! So many memes, so little time.. 😀
They all work–there’s 11 red and 9 black*. King me!
*I’m taking a stab at YSaC cat-math and just assuming that there are an incorrect number of pieces in the sammich bag.
The other two black ones are being used to hold up the magical sofa that’s missing a leg.
Ooh….some people have memories like a steel trap! That was like a gazillion volumes ago, wasn’t it? Perhaps they’re merely using them to prop up the accordion with it.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=3399
Yep, that’s me…mind like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 47 states…
Does anyone ever really NEED a checker set? I mean, I have a checker set and it works just fine (actually makes a wicked-good vodka tonic). I don’t NEED it, though. The vodka tonic, I NEED.
Well, they make swell beer coasters for little people….
or Frisbees.
Happy 600th volume ySac. Seriously, you only look 475.
Oh hey, look at that! Six hundred posts! *confetti*
I realized a little while ago that I’ve been reading this for about a year now, though I haven’t been commenting that long. Something reminded me of going to my aunt’s for Easter last year and telling one of my cousins that my new favorite site/blog was YSAC.
It may not be new, but it still is my favorite. Truth. 🙂
Thanks, Lola! We still have fun writing it, and we love our regular commenters. (And our irregular commenters!)
As an irregular commenter, I must say having this place to quell my daily need of snark has been awesome.
Here’s hoping for even more snarky goodness on the way to 1,000!
*hands Tacowagic an apple and some grapes*
Thanks for being awesome, llamanun. I have forwarded posts to so many people it’s just crazy. My family and friends can often be heard making YSaC references in front of innocent bystanders. Go forth and do Cat Math. Bees be upon you.
And also upon you.
Congratulations! I remember when the posts were still numbered with Roman numerals.
And even though I haven’t posted in as long, I remember beating up my 28.8K external modem to read YSaC posts, because the transmission times were sooooo slow. Must also been because said modem was hooked up to rectangular pieces of stone (the first “tablet” computer….)
Hartster, that may have also been because my first hosting provider got slower and slower and slower; I finally had to change hosts because it was terrible!
jackie: ugh, so do I. Whose awful idea was that? (Oh, right … mine.) Oh well, I got better.
Hooray! I beam with joy when the guys at the station make fun of my llamanun/YSAC prayer mug.
I want a picture of the mug against the backdrop of your station. Possible?
Wearing my Not.A.Lion tee today, I’ve gotten quite a few “oh, how cute is that!” comments and I can see, lurking just behind those twitchy lips, they’re wondering WTF??
Congrats, YSaC, and thank you for making my world safe for others. 😉
Consider it done. Go forth and spread the good news of YSaC and whatnot. Mail them to the submissions email address?
:::Blows Party Horn::: BLLLAAAAARRRRT!!!
WOOOHOOOO….I KNEW I was celebrating for SOMETHING! Just wasn’t sure what until now.
WOOOOOOO…600 and goin STRONG baby!!! Break out the Not.A.Lionel and the cheese dip!!!
And my co-workers are just a tad sick of seeing my Rooster with a Typewriter mug. It’s only rotated with my mug covered in nothing but insults from Shakespear.
Meredith, I read that as 600 and GROIN strong…which makes sense somehow…
Congrats on 600 and thank you for the daily edumacation YSaC!
Wow, 600 is a great number! The six looks like a cat with its tail in the air, and the zeros and mousie holes that tempt the cat. What was in that cheese dip, Meredith?
I wonder if I have to take all of them? I’ve got three checkers in my set that don’t work and these apparently do work, but I don’t want all those extra checkers confusing me.
Um, where’s the adapter so I can plug these things in?
Or is this the new slang for hooking up? “PLEASE EMAIL ME A DAY AND TIME you would like to pick up” checkers, nudge nudge wink wink. Gives a new meaning to the phrase “king me” (although my mom, when capturing a checker, would refer to it as “There! I ate your piece!”)
“There! I ate your piece” following “nudge nudge wink wink” is the dirtiest thing I’ve read today!
Or maybe it’s just me.
*simmers brain in bleach*
That’s what she said.
royalties, kthx.
Well, it’s all relative….
The Finns I’ve played chess with also referred to taking a piece as “eating” it. I wonder if it’s a Finnish linguistic thing, or maybe both Finns and Hartster’s mom are a little bit insane (in a good way).
It’s probably a Hartster’s mom country thing. You see, they were existing peacefully, then got taken over by the Spanish, Japanese and the Americans before they declared their independence. So there may be some insanity there. Particularly since in the outer provinces they practiced cannabalism. Maybe they still do.
Oh, I guess I’m not thinking too dirty today. I just pictured Pac-Man checkers. Which sound way awesome btw.
(why is that the ONLY thing I’ll abbreviate??)
(why is that the ONLY thing I’ll abbreviate??)
Perhaps some German language exposure? “usw” (und so wieder; and thus again) is one that ‘stuck’ to me for the longest time.
WHAT, what, what, what did Spiro Agnew have to do with Checkers? Alas, 20th century American history is just not my forte but…
Thank Zeus for Google I’ll be able to sleep tonight!
http://www.answers.com/topic/what-was-richard-nixon-s-checkers-speech
My head is all wrinkly now. No thanks to the llamastrich crew for that obtuse commentary…
Don’t feel bad! I knew nothing of Spiro Agnew before looking him up to understand some jokes on Futurama…..in my defense I am also under-30 and Canadian, and American vice-presidents don’t feature too prominently in our curriculum. Neither does checkers, come to think of it….Hmm…how much for those checkers?
But thanks to YSaC, I can do a swell Kevin-six-degrees-of-separation-Bacon correlation between longnecks, bbq, football, David Allan Coe and Charles Whitman!
King me!
I don’t need some turkey tellin’ me I ain’t country.
correlation between longnecks, bbq, football, David Allan Coe and Charles Whitman!
Hmm, I’d likely substitute Kinky Friedmann for DAC. After all, one of the Kinkster’s political planks is “pro football.” He’s a fan of longneck on stage, too. And has penned songs on (bbq) waitrixes [sic] and on Charles Whitman in specific.
Also, unlike DAC, Kinky is not.a.jerk
Spiro Agnew was Nixon’s vice president and definitely an interesting character, but he had nothing to do with Checkers. The Checkers speech occurred back in the 1950s while Nixon himself was vice president. In addition to references to a little cocker spaniel, Checkers, that his daughters had become fond of, I recollect that he referred to his wife Pat’s respectable cloth coat (not a fur). Well, I don’t actually recollect it because I wasn’t born yet, but I read a lot.
It was the vice-presidential nominee part that got me thinking of Spiro but Google brought me to Nixon and the link I posted. Thanks for clearing that up Camille because my post gave the impression that Spiro was still part of the picture when it was wrong vice-pres nominee I was thinking of.
See, I told you 20th century American history slams my head into a brick wall.
I love saying that to people, especially on just this side of 30.
“Sorry, I’m not so familiar with that…I wasn’t BORN yet.”
*shakes cane at Meredith*
Durned kid!
“Impudent urchins” is my preferrred imprecation. Especially since the band of that name broke up . . .
Lola, what’s really funny is that I’m told that I have an “old soul” all the time, while alternately that I look “so young”.
I didn’t really start watching movies made after 1963 til I was in my mid twenties. I remember watching something with a friend, and couldn’t figure out what she was talking about with the “weird color”….it was black and white! I’ll still take a lower budge 1930’s mystery over pretty much any movie made today. Anything but Star Wars, that is.
Speaking of which….where’s my partner is Luke-love been?
Meredith, I love old movies. Before cable, the local stations showed old b/w films on Saturday afternoons when there wasn’t sports on or it was on the other channels. Some of my earliest memories are my dad watching Bogart movies. Even if the film was clearly made on a back lot and you can tell he thinks the dialogue is cheeseball, I’ll watch him before just about any of today’s box-office stars. Just watched The Big Sleep again and loved it just as much as ever.
It’s odd to grow up knowing that all but two of your celebrity crushes is dead. No wonder I was called an “odd young woman”.
Hey! Here I am!
Not.a.Luke. Get out. Now.
( 😀 )
I never got to watch holograms with my dad. We was away a lot “on business.”
sadly, I DO remember it … lol
Ooooooh! NOW I get it. Thanks, Mudslicker! I was confused but didn’t know what to google. This is such an educational blog!
But what do they check? My house for ninjas? My teeth for really embarrassing stuff? I must know!
Rogue taxi cabs.
Death cabs for cutie?
No..those are rouge taxi cabs…
London black cabs?
…and no fair HHNF for making up a band name by using the band name of an already established band name (i need a writer to writer to write…)!
Mud, I wasn’t making it up, I was giving them credit due. They’re one of my fave local bands. Seeing as Benjamin Gibbard grew up about five houses up from where I have spent the past 10 years.
Ok. Forgiven.
*making nicey-nice*
Hehe…
And it’s true that the clouds just hung around
Like black Cadillacs outside a funeral…
Oh crap, that’s Modest Mouse. Oh well, I tried.
I’m assuming you’re expecting to have somebody come along and say that “Rogue Taxi Cabs” would be an awesome band name, aren’t you, Mudslicker.
Well I’m not gonna, so there!
Rouge Taxi Cabs!
And we’ll just wait for Bianchi to come along and plagiarize your idea then if you’re not gonna do it.
🙂
Fale.
Rouge Taxi Cabs!
And we’ll just wait for Bianchi to come along and plagiarize your idea then if you’re not gonna do it.
Hey! I see what you just did there.
Psst, HHNF, you have a ninja stuck in your teeth…
This is why I hate going out for Chinese with Jackie Chan.
Um, Japanese with George Takei, perhaps…
Egads! Given that Takei used his own name in a “movie” (quote marks required to lessen the impact on the term entire) “Ninja Cheerleaders” let alone the range of multiple entedenre of ninja, in teeth, after, und so wieder . . .
Checkmate!
Oh, uh..
Shit.
[corey]
Checkmate comes from the Persian for “shah mat,” or “the king is defeated” (not dead, as I first put).
Also, in certain countries where subordination of women is more acceptable, the Queen piece is not a Queen – too much power for a woman. It’s a Grand Vizier. I still haven’t quite gotten over the stupidity of that.
[/corey]
So does it have a moustache? You can’t have a Grand Vizier without a moustache. That and shifty eyes…
I kinda really want to see that chess piece.
I think Prachett says something in Interesting Times about needing a special kind of hat to complete the Grand Vizier getup, as well. That’d be a great piece, but I think they all look about like you’d expect these days.
Also a smart-ass parrot. Named after a Shakespeare character.
Lola, I liked you from reading your posts BEFORE your Pratchett reference … now I think I love you … LOL
okay, but wait. Maybe the checkers *don’t* work. Cuz, see, it could be “works no longer. Need PLEASE EMAIL WITH DATE AND TIME YOU CAN PICK UP…”
So the person doesn’t need the broken checkers, he needs to be picked up…
Hmm, I’m wondering if this is non-Dom side of some sort of BD pair, after all the ask for “AN EMAIL A Day” which sounds like spam to me.
But, that’s ok, too, not that there’s anything wrong with that
(other than needing help with Spam, eggs, beans and Spam . . .)
[Sexual joke]! Hahahah!
Sorry, I’ve been too busy to post and felt left out.
That’s what he said.
*crickets*
Lola, is my coat with yours?
Don’t worry, Graham, you’re always in our hearts. And the back of our minds, right there with thoughts of that baconlube.
Wait, I didn’t mean….I mean…..uhhhh….
I left my coat out in the car, so I’ll just take my leave.
At this time, it’s only logical that kelli come forward and have her card punched. Congratulations on gracing the Don’t Suck box on the magical, mystical, 600-ical post!
::Trumpet blasts:: BA BA BA BAAAAAAAAA
::Banners flying::
::peasants throwing flowers off balconies::
:::streamers…uh…streaming::
::Also, stuff like at the end of the first Star Wars movie, with all those soldiers lined up all cool::
To Kelli, who, with this punch, it is acknowledged that she carries on the heritage of a long and noble line of Don’t Suck-ers. May she uphold the, uh, dignity and ::snicker:: high standards, that we at YSaC have come to expect in that green box—->over there somewhere.
I have nothing funny to say. Just wanted to let you all know that you are my go-to place for laughing so hard that I cry when the toddlers get me down. They get some Blue’s’ Clues & I get some snark. It’s lovely — like getting to talk with actual grown-ups.
Ky, you need to get some fresh air, too! I haven’t seen a grown-up on here in ages! Oh,wait, you mean chronologically, not mentally. 8) Welcome and please post more often. Talking can be a two-way conversation. Happy Toddling!
Hi! I love it when people de-lurk to let us know they enjoy our insanity. Please join in if you’re ever inclined – you are probably funnier than you give yourself credit for. Glad as always to know this site makes others’ days as much as it does mine.
I agree, this site (and the brilliant comments) really brightens up my otherwise really dull workday! And just today I learned who Spiro Agnew was, where the phrase “check mate” comes from, and that there’s something known as baconlube(?)! Time on the internet well spent!
This is a definition of “well-spent” of which I was previously unaware.
Thanks for joining us! I’m thrilled that you like the site — thanks for reading and commenting!
Finally! I’m so sick of my current set of good-for-nothin lazy-butt checkers. I’ve been looking for some that work! Mine just sit around the house all day watching the shopping channel and eating cheese puffs.
If you bought these, then subsequently became a politician, I’m pretty certain scandals would arise involving your checkered past.
the most memorable movie quote that i could think of is the one on Forest Gump ~.’