YSaC, Vol. 589: Time for home remodeling!
2010 February 26
Wayne’s Coating
We have some Wayne’s coating that we took down from our dining room but dont want to throw it out…all in very good condition! If you want it please email me!! Will be around today during the day and then monday again during the day/night….
I hope there weren’t any killer sheep in the wainscotting!
You know what goes great with Wayne’s Coating?
parkay floor squares
I pulled up a parkay floor where about 1/4 was damaged. However, there are
still hundreds of good squares that may be useful for someone who may need
to fix a 1950’s-1970’s era existing floor.
As long as we’re on a home improvement binge, how about these?
Antique style Panty Doors
On second thought, maybe not.
Thanks for the submissions, Ella and Sarah, Beth, and Skye (RecipeForDisaster)!
Wayne’s Coating! Wayne’s Coating! It’s Party Time! Excellent!
“Whoa. Hey, Wayne, what are you coated with tonight?”
“Well, Garth, my excellent friend, this is a thin layer of margarine. I got it all over myself pulling up a Parkay floor.”
“And what are those, like, little antique doors on your, like, groinal region, Wayne?”
“Err… That’s a private matter, and I’d rather not discuss it. But it makes me feel pretty.”
Issac, you just short circuited any attempt I could have made to be snarky this morning.
I’m going to go back to drinking my coffee. *Adds a little Parkay* Mmmmm butter substitute.
Wayne’s coating! Wayne’s coating! It’s Parkay time! It’s excellent!
Strong right out of the gate this morning Isaac.
You rock, Isaac. Party on!
Parkay on, Wayne.
Parkay on, Snark.
If snark were an Olympic event, you would have just won the gold with that one, Isaac.
*drags out Compendium of Monty Python quotes* It’s —
Great. Now I have “The Liberty Bell March” stuck in my head.
Let me see, that one goes Daaah-eee-aah-eee-aah-eee-aah-eee duh duh duh duh duh-e DUT, right?
I’ve heard of chastity belts, but panty doors?
I guess those have a padlock.
Just watch out for Panty Splinters…
Wayne’s gonna get awfully cold…..
And drafty. Those antique style doors never close right.
Or worse…they stick…
I hate it when you leave your panty doors out in the sun then put them on without thinking…
Re #2, all my brain can say is “Butter.” “Parka-ay …”
Re #3, I’m thinking that panty doors are the backside flaps on old-fashioned union-suit underwear/pajamas that allow the wearer to have bodily functions without having to take off the top part.
Re #1 … *headdesk*
So, when putting in Parkay floor is it necesarry to put in the toasted subfloor first, or can you get away with a small pancake layer?
First you’d need ti install a larger version of this…
http://www.cuisinetechnology.com/antigriddle.html?gclid=CIj8mr-nkKACFRVZ2god6GOElg
…so that your floor doesn’t melt.
I would also invest in a pair of nice, thick slippers. With non-skid soles.
Party on, Garth!
This was intended as a reply to Isaac, but the mobile version of the site doesn’t make that possible–I guess.
In Soviet Russia, mobile version sucks.
Everywhere else too.
In Soviet Everywhere, mobile makes *you* suck at Craigslist!
Party on, Ed!
It’s so obvious that the last two are typos. What they really meant to say are:
–parkway floors [squares]. You’re charged a toll to walk across them and you can’t leave the room until they provide you with an exit. In the meantime, anything you do while on them costs you twice as much.
p.s. Square? You mean like 7 x 5?
–Antique style Party Doors. So you can party like it’s 1899.
I’ll fetch the absinthe!
AND the laudanum! I love to mix my opiates!
Here’s some original COCA-Cola for mixer, ladies!
I now have an image of a so-far-off-Broadway-it’s-in-New Jersey musical in which the main character, wearing an outer garment made from multi-colored beadboard, slides across a margarine coated stage, crashes into fake scenery doors which causes his circa 1950’s tighty-whities to be exposed to cast and audience alike.
Maybe I need more coffee.
But Paterson is the new Broadway doncha’ know…
Never heard of Paterson. But then I live in Central Texas and if it ain’t somehow connected to Willie, bbq or football, it ain’t worth knowing.
Don’t forget longnecks, drive-thru liquor stores and snipers from clock towers!
Those are all connected to Willie, BBQ, or football, Mudsy.
Longnecks —> something to drink when listening to Willie and eating (or cooking) BBQ.
Drive-thru liquor barn —> a place to get longnecks —> something to drink when listening to Willie and eating (or cooking) BBQ.
Clock-Tower Snipers —> took place at UT —> the team was nearly college football champion this year (Hook ‘Em!)
Oh..sure..that was easy Isaac….but, tell me, how is Kevin Bacon related to all those things? Hmmm?
*gauntlet is thrown down*
Did somebody say Bacon?
BWAAH!
Yes. Definitely. I wanted to know how many degrees of separation Charles Whitman is from Kevin Bacontini.
On yer mark…
Get set….
GO….!!!!
Charles Whitman attended The University of Austin Texas.
Renée Zelweger also attended said university
She starred in “My One and Only” with Kevin Bacon.
Kevin Bacon is Kevin Bacontini’s second cousin.
You are truly evil TMmM {changed it AGAIN!!!}!
Did you ever doubt my soul of darkness?
Alternately:
Kevin Bacon was in Loverboy (2005) with Sandra Bullock, who lives in Austin, TX, which is a good place to listen to Willie and eat BBQ during halftime of a college football game.
Furthermore, according to the Oracle of Bacon, Willie himself has a Bacon Number of only 2.
Willie and Bacon have both been in movies with Dash Mihok.
Too bad Gilley’s and The Armadillo aren’t still around. I’d buy Isaac and TMmM a beer (and a bacontini for Bacontini–ewwww, cannibal!).
I wish I’d have know about the Oracle of Bacon… would have saved time on my connection to Whitman.
Cans of Lone Star for everyone! What? You think I’m gonna spring for Shiners? I ain’t made o’money here. Besides, Lone Star is OUR PBR so, you know, it’s hip.
But then I live in Central Texas and if it ain’t somehow connected to Willie, bbq or football, it ain’t worth knowing.
But, David Allen Coe was much mpre succinct in that last verse (even if he is from Dallas, and not Central Texas).
Lessee, KB knows Sandy; I did some work that wound up in Sandy’s house; to celebrate I went downtown and Kinky was playing; Kinky wrote the Ballad of Charles Whitman–is that five or six?
I nominate “Oracle of Bacon” as today’s band name.
mudslicker “Don’t forget … drive-thru liquor stores….”
Would you be referring to the Party Barn? I’m sure you must have mentioned it before, but I didn’t realize you lived in Austin.
jackie: I used to live in Austin. Back when it was cheap, awesome and I was hanging out on the streets and eating pecans on the lot of the old hospital and swimming nekkid in Lake Travis.
Now I’m with Jim Gaffigan; taking jabs at the Waffle House (is there still one on “the drag”?) and trying to avoid driving anywhere in that town because they all drive like crazy people (and that’s saying something because I’m from the east coast).
Kudos to CapnMac for mentioning David Allen Coe!
Don’t mess with Texas, indeed!
Musical? Sounds like some of the performance art that’s at the Whitney Biennial right now.
*makes note to get art grant and test theory*
Clearly Lola is on to a new form of income – performance art based on craigslist postings. Follow up concepts:
– surf training tools
– cat math demos
– bee-truck infestations
– foodpeople
– Not.A.Lion
The art grant is in the bag!
Kireina, are there too many to list?
You Suck at CraigsList – The Musical.
I like it!
I worked for Tim O’Connor who is/was friend/business partner of Willie’s. The building I worked in housed the studio owned by one of Willie’s nephews and I used to chat with the studio manager. My husband did a gig with a guy who gave lessons to one of Willie’s kids. I also have known many people over the years that have known him.
Dang. I have a lot of connections to a man I have never met nor really am a big fan of his music.
I almost got hit by his tour bus once. As a teenager, I did a stint directing parking traffic at a state fair. Well, the traffic was coming the opposite way, so I stepped in front of the bus (moving about 3 miles an hour) to stop it from hitting the cross traffic.
The bus driver slowly rolled the bus forward, little by little as I gestured over and over to “STOP!” As it got to be uncomfortably close, I changed the “STOP” hands to the praying, pleading hands. I think I saw Willie laughing as the bus stopped, windshield to my outstretched hands. Well, he was in the shadows, but there were braids.
Back before housing developments ate up the Southpark Meadows, you could see the fireworks from Willie’s Fourth of July Picnic from my parents’ front porch. That’s my Willie connection.
Well, that and my dad used to hang out with Asleep at the Wheel back in the ’70s, and I’m sure Ray Benson has recorded with Willie at some point. But I bet some friend of mine has had a brush with Willie at some point.
In other words, I have a documentable Willie number of 3, but my Willie number might be as low as 2.
Was a “duet” album of AatW and Willie last year; and an accompanying episode of Austin City Limits.
Wheel owes a lot of its existence to Willie booking them as a regularly-occuring band down in Austin. And, until you see it in person, it’s striking to see how well Ray can join in with Willie’s very unique style of music.
But, Willie also has a proven ability to meld musical forms, from Ray Charles to Julio Iglesias to Wynton Marsalis. (Still think he ought to do a gig with TMBG, though.)
Personally, I’d rather not fix my old floors with margarine, even if it is available in spreadable, sprayable, and squeezable form. Come to think of it, if this the common building material of choice, maybe that’s why my floors need fixing in the first place.
“It’s a flooring choice!”
“It’s a bread spread!”
“Listen, it’s a flooring choice!”
“It’s a bread spread, you cow! ”
Oh, and please to punch my card!
“It’s a bread spread AND a flooring choice!”
*everyone smiles with relief, and nods*
Punchity punch-punch! Congratulations On Your Lack of Suck!
I remember my construction days in Candy Land. They had pretty loose building codes there. You could use gumdrops to set a foundation, icing to seal windows, and Fruit Rollups to shingle a roof.
That was until the great famine of ’98 though, those were dark days, my friend; dark days indeed. The first time you see a dozen hunger crazed gingerbread men tear apart a chocolate bunny then turn on each other, the chocolate still melting on their lips, it changes you.
I appologize to Issac for my punctuation salad above. Feel free to pull out the red pen.
Addandem: Eye futher apologize four speeling Isaac’s naim inkorrektly.
All’s forgiven. Say a few dozen Hail Websters and your soul will be in fine shape.
Aside from the very real and very awesome potential if that becoming the best. horror. movie. ever. I can just see OSHA having a fit, writing up fines and dragging Grandma out of her Peanut Brittle house and eating it, too.
Ok people, this concept has gotten so out of control (and so awsome) in my brain that it has become my project for next year’s NaNoWriMo. I’m thinking of the Genre of Horror Comedy, or maybe Silly Thriller.
So far it will feature:
Candy Land
Zombie Gingerbread Men
Chocolate Rabbits (Soul collectors?)
Evil Peeps
Cadbury Eggs of the damned
The Easter Bunney as the Puppet master.
Gum Drop Fairy (As a “Mad Max” sorta role, perhaps the main protagonist)
I’m thinking of writing it in retrospective first person.
What I need from everyone is a title. I’ve been rolling several permutations of “Candy Land” through my head, but nothing really sounds right.
I think you should call it
Sugared Blood: Diabetic Nightmare*
*not related to Ginger Snaps and Ginger Snaps II
Here are a few of mine:
The Sugared Dead
After Candy Land
Undead by Chocolate
Ginger Rebellion
Darkness Chocolate
None of them seem to capture the idea though…
Maybe combine two ideas: Candy Land: Chocolate Darkness
Sugared Twilight
Sugar-Coated Evil
The Devil’s Fudge Factory
Sweetly Soured – Tales from the Other Side of the Board
Chocolate are the Damned
Much more, too many to list.
Oh, I like Sugar-Coated Evil.
Might be a little too “monthly thriller novel” for a Comedy Horror though. Hmmmm.
Rot Your Teeth
Appetite for Confection
Insulin to Injury
Sugar and Spite
Sweet Release
I might “borrow” this, I haven’t started any notes or outlines for this year’s NaNovel. I am particuarly taken with the idea of zombie gingerbread men.
Or I could get distracted by something shiny and just wing it like I do most years.
My wife is almost done polishing her 2008 project for its first professional edit. She’s hoping to get it published by the end of 2011. If all else fails, Amazon E-book.
If she becomes all famous and stuff, I’m totally using her name to get my worthless word vomit published and into people’s hands. I’ve heard it’s worked before.
How about:
Confections of a Gingerbread Man
“My name is Captain Johnathan Litman, and I’m the last Gingerbread Man in Candy Land.”
Take that Bulwer-Lytton.
I know him, he lives on Drury Lane. Right next to the Muffin Man.
“Confections” is good, because it also means “lies” or “things you made up.”
Am I the only one who thinks gumdrop foundations would be perfect for earthquake-prone areas? They would be like tiny little sugar-coated shock absorbers.
Perfect, yes. But can you imagine the ants and the bees? *and the flowers in the trees and the moon up aboooove*
LOL…I believe that movie is called The Gingers TmM [a la The Crazies]. Directed by Rob “Gummy Bear” Zombie.
When you die in that movie, you end up at the gates of the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
Geez…how do you sleep at night? “Make the dreams go away.”
I hope Tiny TacomMagic doesn’t ask for bedtime stories…
Oh you hit the nail on the head with that one sarajean!
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soles [sic] to keep
Should I die before I wake
It’s’ cuz daddy read me a bedtime story…
Amen.
There IS a reason behind my intermittant insomnia.
I’m sure there are MANY reasons…..
🙂
Can’t sleep, Gingerbread men will eat me.
If they don’t the rabid chocolate bunnies will.
(I’ve always known evil lurked within those blank sugarpaste eyes. They just stare right through you.)
There’s definitely no velveteen in those chocolate devil hares! Especially the hollow ones. That’s where they capture children’s soles [sic] and keep them bottled up forever.
And don’t even get me started on Satan’s spawn—the peeps!
In Soviet Candyland, gingerbread men eat you!
That’s why I eat Cadbury eggs; kill em before they hatch.
“….Thanks Easter bunny…!”
*cluck cluck cluck*
The Easter Bunny is the Queen of the chocolate hive! Kill her and the horrors will end! Who’s with me?!
Ignore him! The Easter Bunny wants to live in peace and harmony with us. Her children wish only to bring the wonders of her message into our homes.
Under her rule there will be no war, no hunger, and no hate. Join us and be forever at peace.
mudslicker – Peeps are best enjoyed slow-roasted over a fire; the evil forms a crunchy, tasty shell around a molten core of gooey corruption. It’s kind of like a little napalm McNugget.
sarajean: too bad the Donner Party didn’t have them then! (I would be sure to pack them on my carry on while traveling with rugby players over the Andes as well!)
They sound DEEeee-licious!
ok, hugely perverse (yet typical for here) synchronicity; was reading about “grossest packaged foods ever” which included “all day breakfast.” This was a British Full breakfast in a can, which included “egg nuggets.” That latter item making even my mind’s eye roll more than the least bit . . .
CapnMac: Just threw up in my mouth a little (or if you prefer a Britastic version, given the source material: did a bit of sick in my mouth), there.
In fact, that’s so horrifying that I may, later this evening, coin the phrase, “Can’t sleep, egg nuggets will eat me.”
You replicate my original response, and, as always, in much more elegant (even bilingual) form.
I’d include the cross reference, but have suitable concern for the sensibilities of the intelligent and erudite here.
I’d like the Wayne’s coating, but I can’t do it today, and, sadly, I never go out during the day/night. Day, yes, night, yes, but I avoid the in-betweens.
Not panty doors, fool—panty-drawrs. And no thanks; if I wanted a pair of panty-drawrs, I’d go with Danish Modern.
I went to go see the “antique style Panty Doors” and noticed that they were sticky, ewwwww. The worst part was that they _did_ smell like tunafish.
I went to go see the Antique Style Panty Doors too. I thought they were good, but I kept slipping on the dance floor. And their singer, Wayne, looked cold.
I nominate “Antique Style Panty Doors” as band name of the day!
Now appearing, at the 40-Watt, Antique Style Panty Doors with their top-40 hit, “Wayne’s Parkay Addiction”.
Sounds like a little Dorset village, doesn’t it? Wainscoting.
We’ve been mentioned on telly!
I got really scared for a moment because pic #1 looks exactly like my parents dining room and they’ve been talking about a massive remodel. Then I remembered that my dad simply calls it “wood” and he would never give away any wood that could be repurposed into one of his woodcraft projects. Though I could see my mom talking about panty doors…
I wear my Wayne’s coating at night, so I can so I caaan
sic killer sheep on ugly British chicks
I pulled up a parkay floor
The squares were damaged one of four
The squares are there again today
Oh, how I wish they’d go away.
One, two, three, four
Spread your parkay on the floor…
OT: And how I WISH I’d had a cool camera phone so I could upload and show you – CAT MATH IN ACTION!!
Just got back from the grocery store, and…oh…I swear I am not making this up…this is what I saw:
“Donuts, $0.49 each or three for $2.00”
I stood there, gape-mouthed, and then it happened…fits of giggles so extreme I frightened one toddler and two elderly ladies.
Humanity is doomed.
Donut anyone?
It depends. Did you go for the deal and buy THREE of them ?
Well, see here’s what I did…
I bought four and set the cat math universe on its ear.
I b’lieve the apolcalypse will begin in 3..2..1..
What exactly is meant by “antique style”? Are they carved of stone, ’cause that would be on the far side of uncomfortable.
And does anyone else wish they had not spelled “antique” correctly? That would have opened so many more avenues of snark.
“Ann Teek style Panty Doors”
Oh, I love Ann Teek’s things! I just brought home brasserie windows and stocking skylights.
So glad they carry her line at Lowe’s Bryant.
Wayne called. He wants his coat(ing) back.
I cant believe it’s not baseboard.
Cabinetry Crock
Shed Spread
EEK! Eek! I say.
Now in reverse order, corey-snark.
One feels compelled to ask (even in great, knowing, reluctance) are those new or used antique panty doors?
Everything about reading everything after “parkay” floors invoked childhood memories/trauma from the Fleishman’s exploding crown tv commercials.
Worked with a person who had some sort of “tic” and could only write out wainscot as wanescoat. Which, if we are writing construction specifications can be bad. “Wane” is bark left on lumber after it is baulked from its parent timber. Wane is not good, as the fibres which hold the bark to the sapwood are weaker than either the sapwood or the bark itself, which means one can never know when that bark will “shed.”
Not the stuff of which high-quality wainscoting is made (or specified).
Ugh, just heard a whisper in my head for horrible puns based on how Arts&Crafts wainscots were “fumed” to give them a permanent chemical stain.
“Will be around today during the day and then monday again during the day/night….”
Ok, I realize we live in an immediate sort of age. But it just struck me that the folk who were just finished with doffing Wayne’s Coat were making an assumption that there were assuming that people in need of removed woodwork would be lurking about CL for the next 24-48 hours.
Now, as a habitué of several remodeling and construction fora, I have seen this phenomenon a time or two–this perception that there are numbers of folk just waiting to see a posting pop up.
makes me want to cry in my butter . ..
You talk all purdy and stuff. I likes you.
You smell just like imperial margerine.
Hes usin dem fancee siddy werds n maken mi hed hert.
Careful, I’ll let a möös bît yer sister
poor wayne. does anyone truly think of him, and what’s become of the coating….. or breading perhaps, or maybe he’s so lonely and cold…. i’m overcome with grief for the poor guy.
Monday during the day/night? So this coating is in the Land of the Midnight Sun? ‘Course, with the panty doors not being new, there’s a chance of the Midday Moon.
Sounds like a bad pickup line to me…
Hey baby, can I parkay my Wayne’s Coating in your panty door?
Somebody is having a birthday today! And didn’t put it on the Forums!
Meredith! We missed you!
I can’t believe it’s not Berber!
Know what else goes great with Wayne’s Coating and parkay floor squares?
Some rod iron and a chester drawers.
🙂