And yet another in the SNOWPOCALYPSE series:
looking for yard’s to mow and weed eat today only (everywhere)
yes i am in desperate need of money and willing to cut grass in the cold
* Location: everywhere
Eric sent this one, saying “This one needs to be prefaced with the fact that there is three inches of snow on the ground…and it’s still snowing.”
So…
Loading ...Thanks, Eric!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
| WordPress Hates Me – A Novel Approach on YSaC, Vol. 573: The nacho cheese fountain finally has some competition. […] we come to the part that WordPress hates. My long-time attachment to a humor blog called You Suck at… | |
| 2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all! […] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […] | |
 | bianchisound on YSaC, Vol CXCII In case anyone ever checks. I just saw this ad and missed everyone here. Enjoy! https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/pho/d/nellis-afb-womans-feet/7164431024.html |
 | Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1800: So long, and thanks for all the bees. Wow, it’s amazing to finally find this site. I’d say I’m late in getting here, but I know I’m right… |
| Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1243: A little hard of herring. I thought this joke smelt, but this guy really knew how to drop the bass. And it flopped around everywhere… |
Well, you stole my snark with your poll! I was going to ask what a “to mow” was, and did I want one for my yard. After all, yard’s pretty sensitive, and will get miffed if he doesn’t have the latest and most trendy. Then, he’ll go on another binge, spend the night with some floozy from Bermuda, and end up with crab(grass) again.
But, noooooo you had to ruin my snarkaliciousness!
Dammit…and I was first in line, too..
*retreats to corner to pout*
*hands CJ a magazine and a comfy pillow*
Thank you, Windrose. I should recover sufficiently in a week or two, depending on the meds.
I have heard of this snow you speak of, but I did not realize it needed to be mowed. And you can hire someone to eat your weed? That sounds counter productive.
Perhaps the weed eating is when you’re beta-testing “special brownies” and want someone on whom to try out the recipe adjustments.
Maybe the weed eater drives around with him…you know, in case he gets pulled over.
Because that always works*
*See ‘Cops’ and ‘Campus PD’ for reference.
And it’s a special offer:”weed eat today only” Now that’s an infomercial line I’d be impressed by.
Seems like if he needed the money that badly, he’d just sell the weed.
Well, call me presumptuous, but in this part of the world, a lawnmower that eats snow is called a snow blower.
I call presumptuousism…
Why you gettin’ all fancy up in here with them new fangled machineries, Steph?
Ah yes, W. T. Yard’s To Mow and Weed Eat: Landscaping Reflections on Shakespeare (2010), published by Johns Hopkins University Press. That’s one of the required texts in my Stage and Botany Through the Ages class.
Actually, there are probably theses written on botanical references in Shakespeare and their attendant meanings. Watch someone pull up your citation while doing internet searching for sources!
Rule 42: If you can think of it, a grad student has written a thesis on it.
..and Rule #34 states that if that thesis exists, there is a porn version of it. No exceptions.
So if you put those together, there is porn of grad students writing theses? That would be some of the dullest porn in the world, unless they take ego-wanking literally.
There’s librarian porn (given that this is my profession (librarian, not porn, just so we’re clear), I’ve become aware of it), so there’s probably grad student porn. What a concept: sex in surroundings dictated by financial aid (book-filled studio apartment), but theoretically more academically advanced (actors wearing intellectually stressed and harassed expressions). Somehow I don’t this genre will take off, but there is no accounting for taste.
The librarian porn I can see, all you need are some hornrims and a upswept bun held in place with pencils, but glassy-eyed, unwashed grad students? Aren’t they usually the market for porn?
If you make it, they will come.
*ahem*
Librarian porn was all the rage back in the 70’s. Allegedly my grandma’s best friend was in it and it was *scandalous* because she was a real librarian bringing shame to the profession.
I know there’s schoolgirl porn, but grad students? I don’t know, that seems a little skeevy. Like “30-year-old-unwashed-geek-in-his-mom’s-basement” porn. I mean, not that bad, but along those lines.
Your grandma’s ‘best friend’. Uh-huh. I also picked up pregnancy tests and alcohol for my ‘best friends’.
See, that would have been my reaction had she not been my grandma. In this particular situation, I choose to believe that my grandma has never had her clothes off since she was a baby.
sarajean, your cat makes me want to yawn. I don’t like that.
I read this as yard misplaced its to mow and its weed eat, and the poster feels the urgent need to help locate these items.
I had a mis-read the first go, too. Only, I got the mowing and weeding. I just thought he was restricted to eating only today. Which would suck. Eating is really important all the time.
Where I come from, it’s “weed whacking” not eating. We’re more aggressive toward our lawn care. We beat it into submission.
“Where I come from, it’s “weed whacking” not eating. We’re more aggressive toward our lawn care. We beat it into submission.”
I’ve always found ‘lawns’ respond better if you treat them gently. A good trimming, some tlc, maybe some rough treatment. But you never beat them.
Yeah..I tend to kill my Basil, too.
I don’t know about everyone else, but in my yard, the grass under said snow is withered, brown, and generally un-cutable. I imagine the weeds are as well (except for the ones I have already eaten, of course).
This has struck a chord as there was a fellow very carefully mowing all of the neighbor’s grass. Which caught my attention as it has not let up raining quite long enough for grass to grow much here in my bit of Central Texas. Rice, that could be sprouting, the standing water having been what it has.
But, it has been cold here, so a person subsisting on mowing and weed-eating has been having a very lean harvest of late, no matter the square yard’s of lawn area available.
Muahhaha! I live near Seattle, Wa and we’ve had bright, loverly sunshine for days! And my cherry trees are blooming. Take that, Places I’m Usually Jealous Of!
Yep. 40 degrees and sunny here in North Idaho, when on a normal year, I am hiring a bulldozer to open my roads.
We’ll probably just have the worst. summer. ever.
Oh, great. I just jinxed us.
We are having an unusually warm February up here too. And I do worry what that might mean for the s.u.m.m.e.r. But I try not to think about it for fear of jinxing us.
Very mild winter in central Wisconsin, too. Sure, we had the first “snow” day where the governor actually shut down all state offices (including universities) in 8 years, but that was on account of the entire state being covered in ice.
The last mild winter we had was followed by a drought and then horrible flooding that killed the crops in the lower third of the state. Plus destroyed a few towns. Oh, and there was a lake that decided to stop being a lake. It was fun driving to work that summer, seeing as two of the roads I took washed out and I didn’t know any other routes.
Well, it’s a frigid 63º today, but, we’ll have a nice strong cold front Sunday night, with highs in the lower 50’s and lows to the 30’s in the first part of the week.
Which might make for some spectacular wildflower blooms in a few weeks, unless a freeze or a flood gets them.
I am looking forward to Washington County again this year–last year the entire county had bluebonnets (lupens texensis) just all over everywhere.
I’m told that there are plenty of yards that need mowing in Austrailia right now. Maybe he’s willing to travel.
Personally I think the weeds in Austrailia are kind of gamey tasting. I much perfer weeds from the Baltic sea area or, better yet, the Mediterranean.
The weeds in the Baltic sea area are currently under about 25 inches of snow, so unless you like them frosty, you’re going to have to wait a few more months.
Isn’t he already IN Austrailia?
Isn’t he already IN Australia?
Well, Australia is somewhere, not everywhere (and, possibly, not “(everywhere)” either.
Which rather begs the question if our peckish poster has, by accident or design, managed to achieve a quantum state in which they are (everywhere) which might interfere with digestion. Which might also explain why they want to eat “today only” too, their quantum state also having transcended time as well as space.
Being equally distributed across the entire volume of the universe would be a thin sort of hungry existence, one imagines.
no, he not in australia. he in canadia. it snows a lot there.
He was actually in Ohiaoioa.
Ow.
In Soviet Russia, weed eats you!
Sure feels like it sometimes…
wait, I don’t know anyhting about that, Occifer.
“To mow-o!
To mow-o!
I love ya,
to mow-o!
You’re only a Yard aaaaaawaaayyyyy!”
You beat me to it Coco!
This guy’ll come out to mow-o
mow away your dead grass and your snow-o
’til there’s none!
When I’m stuck with a yard
that’s hard
and frozen,
I just look up this guy
and cry
for grammar…
Just thinkin’ about
to mow-o,
Eats away the weeds
and dead grass-o,
So we’re free to mock
the lack of capitals
With great fun!
Everybody!
To mow-o!
To mow-o!
We love ya, to mow-o
You’re always a snark away!
Did… he come on little cat’s feet?
And sit looking over the yard and weeds
on silent haunches
and then move on
(everywhere)?
This comment is made of win.
There’s a disconnect here, in that the poster is not specifically saying that one has to pay him (presuming it’s a him) “to mow and weed eat.” In which case, I will fire all the town’s public works employees and generously allow this person to practice and perfect his trade, so when he his done with all the miles of parks, highway medians, and yards (have to pass an ordinance reclassifying any green space as yards), he can get a paying job. I save the town money and help someone get a job. And that’s why you should re-elect me for mayor.
looking for yard’s to mow and weed eat today only (everywhere)
Oh..but he only wanted to that “today only” everywhere.
Tomorrow, he’ll be (nowhere) to be found.
He’s a real nowhere, man. Sitting in his nowhere land. Making all his mow-here plans for nobody.
I believe we have identified the poster! It’s Forrest, Forrest Gump!
Clearly, the poster is a superhero, albeit an unemployed one, or one whose local police department has branded him a vigilante. Clue one is that the location is everywhere. Clue two is his superpower is “yard’s to mow and weed eat”.
Obviously, Wonder Twin powers have gone awry.
“Form of…a weed eater! Shape of …a yard’s to mow!”
*waiting to see what a yard’s to mow’s shape is*
It does say he’s desperate for money. I wonder if I could just stand on the porch and fling nickels at him? I could probably whang him really good a couple of times while he worked on that chickweed patch by the driveway.
I have no snow now 🙁 , mine melted away already and left lots of lovely sticky mud in shades of reddish-orange.
Heartster, no re-election until you explain your recent trip to Argentina, when you were supposed to be hiking in the Berkshires.
I was in Argentina looking for yard’s to mow and weeds to eat, obviously.
Then WHY –and this is important — Did your spouse still have your mower at home? (dramatic swelling of music)
Because I have my own “mower”, nudge nudge wink wink. My spouse had a sign saying “Keep off the grass,” hence why I was in Argentina.
Comments are so good my BB prevents me voting (not that its censoring its just operator incompetence in loading the right software) but I’d click all of youse and vote for the 4th option.
* longs for magic wand to whisk me from train to home*
Coffee just kicked in, now I get it – Beatles title reference ftw.
That explains why she came in through the bathroom window.
Would that be Lucy in the Sky with “Dimonds”?
LOL…that was tattoo boy nick’s theme song.
grandma dont where that old broken stuff any more so hook it up and i’ll hook you up [very sic]
Or maybe tattoo boys song was “Larceny in the Sky with Dimonds.”
Because it was before coffee? I don’t drink coffee (hate the smell of it) but I do feel like that before my morning Mountain Dew or other energy drink sometimes…
Edit: Also, does anyone know why my gravatar shows up in the forum, but not in the comments? I set it up early this week, or last week, or something…
Maybe I was using the wrong address? (sorry for the spam postings :-p) (I’m so hungry right no, I could actually eat spam….) (Actually, my mom made pan-fried spam once when I was a kid, it was pretty tasty… She never made it again, though, because my dad is morally opposed to spam, and his job stopped requiring business trips) (Can you tell that my caffeine is kicking in?) (Now if only my Tylenol would…) (I wonder if there’s a stream-of-consciousness Craigslist post out there formatted like this…)
Edit: Ah-ha. It was the wrong address. I suppose I could delete this comment, but something inside finds it amusing.
Something outside finds it amusing as well ♥
Oh good. It’s always important to have the approval of a yawning cat!
That’s Firefly’s fearsome face. (Whew! Try saying that ten times fast.)
I thought Firefly was rapping, personally.
Her lack of rhyming “skillz” made it problematic, back when she was MC DethKitteh. She would make an excellent bodyguard for an entourage, though. As long as whatever was attacking you looked like toes.(or a laser pointer) She’s a ninja assassin of toes.
Any face that a flying piece of go se makes would be pretty frightening.
….Oh, you meant a cat that happened to be named the same as the class of ship, I get it :-p
*declares dorkiness by actually knowing what “flying piece of go se” refers to*
*also stabs Atherton Wing with a rusty spork*
I actually learned something today. I thought the title was a Bugaloos reference, but then I looked up the lyrics and realized that what I thought was “here and there and everywhere” was actually “we’re in the air and everywhere.”
Why do I even remember the Bugaloos?
Snow…. what is snow? This seems like a perfectly normal request.
It’s that fluffy white stuff that falls from the sky every few years and melts within a few hours or days.
Yankees like to complain about the way we drive in it for some reason.
I find it adorable how incompetent you guys are! 😀 Of course, that’s only when I’m safely off the road. On the road it’s more like a dodgeball game played with large metal missiles filled with explosives, and I’m the only one left on the other team.
/corey
I think it’s obvious that the grass growing under the snow is the reason for the snow level getting higher. It has nothing to do with the fluffy stuff falling out of the sky. The only way to keep the snow level down is to keep your grass mowed. This man is clearly a genius, trying to do simpletons a favor. Sorry for understanding.
So he would roll up the snow, mow the grass (and presumably eat the tasty weeds) and then roll it back like a ginormous blanket? We’ve got it all wrong; this man’s a genius!
Where can I sign up for his newsletter?
I believe his newsletter merely consists of taking out an ad in the back of High Times.
Hehe, “high,” as in he’s high on drugs, and doesn’t understand the implication of weather.
….Apparently massive amounts of caffeine + Tylenol + ibuprofen does funny things to my mental status. At least now I have found a community that will embrace me, rather than having to just keep all this oddness cooped up in my head.
All are welcome here, EclecticBlue, the medicated and unmedicated alike!
We’ll love you. Come on in, the snark is fine! Once you get used to the numbing coldness.
You have not yet fallen victim to my vodka-induced silliness here.
We freakin’ LOVE odd, EB!
Srsly. I may be drunk, though.
It may be icy-cold, but at least it’s a nice change from the mind-numbingness of my current task at work. Click, copy, move mouse, click, paste, enter, move mouse, right click, move mouse, click, enter, move mouse and repeat. About 300 more times. The snark will keep me alive!
Don’t you worry,
Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride.
The posts are changing
Right before your eyes.
Now I’ve found YSaC,
There’s no more emptiness inside.
When we’re going-insane-at-work…snark will keep us alive.
In other news, I need a t-shirt that says “The snark will keep us alive.”
Plus elebenty, EB!
Oh, nice!
Where’s SilvaNoir when we need a T-shirt designed?
Hooray, I’m getting plussed! I think you guys are helping with my social anxiety disorder ^_^ Oddly enough, it also shows up on the internet, when I’m properly inhibited :-p I usually lurk everywhere I go….
Oh, honey, I have long been confused as to why we have social security numbers when most of us are socially insecure.
You’re welcome to a slug of my cough syrup, if it will help loosen you up.
It’s doing nothing for my cough, but if I take enough I don’t really care.
Well, the odd thing is, drugs (you know, the legal kind. Not too much interest in the illegal kind) usually don’t affect me that much at all. Don’t get loopy with hydrocodone, caffeine hasn’t made me jittery in years, and I don’t even get sleepy with NyQuil. The two exceptions so far have been a week of morbid depression on a certain brand of birth control pill, and I went all Luna Lovegood-y the one time I had morphine. So I don’t know what it was… But hey, I won’t look a gift legally altered mental state in the mouth.
In other news, “Legally Altered Mental State” = band name? If it was “Legally Altered Mental Existence,” it could be an emo band, and we could call it LAME.
This. Is. Awesome. We like you. Please stay.
Go cry, emo kid! LAME’s first hit could be “To mow-o.”
Yay, I got partner in the sidebar! Hey, look! A horn!
*toot toot* Sorry, must be the Tacomagic working on me.
A hush falls over the crowd here in Not.in.Vancouver, as veteran contender Windrose attempts the double vertical sidebar punch. Challengers HHNF and Meej hold out their cards, ready to chase down the elusive hole puncher. And –there they go!
*super-slow replay of HHNF tripping over shoelace and falling on face inches from windrose*
Oh. Ladies and Gentlemen! This is incredible! Meej has tripped over HHNF an pushed their card into the hole punch! It’s a three-way tie! The bleachers are going wild! (okay, some people who don’t bleach are enjoying this, too.)
You are so cool, windrose.
Belatedly showing up for my punch… Must’ve hit my head tripping over HHNF!
Hey, HHNF – can I borrow that horn too? *toot*
Whenever I need weeds eaten I call Pastoral Greenery and Outdoor Services Inc.
Ed, and what do they do?
You’d have to read Stephen King. The movie is totally different from the short story.
Sorry, Stephen King references will fail to connect. Usually. Except for a bit of Pennywise and It, because my really mean roommates at the time MADE ME WATCH IT! Ahem. So which story is it?
Ahem. 643 votes in the poll and only 91 comments? Come on, Lurkers! We can hear you breathing! Say a few words for posterity.
This is off-topic Windrose, but I just got some yarn that looks like it was spun from your lorikeet. It’s variegated with bands of red, blue and purple with little touches of green in almost the exact shades she shows up on my monitor. It freaked me out a little bit when I opened the package.
Just because Windrose wants more comments and you went off topic, I shall add my off topic comment:
As far a cat avatars go, you always have brilliant pictures, sarajean. Be it awsome cats, mad camera skillz or a combo of both, you win.
Awesome! Do you make afghans? Or just blankets?
@ windrose – That particular yarn is fingering weight(think thick kite string), it would take me forever to make an afghan. It will probably end up as socks and maybe a few cat toys if I have any bits leftover.
@christina – Thanks! I would have to go more with awesome cats and luck. I think I’ve taken about a million pictures of my babies; one or two were bound to come out nice.
If he’s that desperate for money, why doesn’t he just sell the snow? $10 per pound or 10 pounds for $120.
He can package it and sell it at the high school as nose candy. A similar thing worked for me, selling oregano to those kids.
Ninja Assasin is cheey in my opinion, the action sequence could have been much better ::
i always regard the movie ninja assasin one of the best action films, *’:
SPAM!!!!