YSaC, Vol. 570: We’d take him to a doctor, but…
Quick!
It’s an emergency!
Need eggs delivered right away
We need eggs BUT IT’S FREEZING OUT.
Yes, you would certainly seem to be faced with a conundrum. But where do I come in?
That’s where you come in.
Oh. Right there, then.
Bring us a dozen eggs immediately so we can make breakfast foods. If we
deem you nice and a non-crazy we will make you food too. Else, you must
accept our thank yous to keep you warm on your walk home.
This reads a little like a ransom note. “Bring us a dozen eggs immediately, or you will never see little Timmy again!” Of course, that’s just silly. These are nice and non-crazy people, and they are hoping that their oviparous benefactor will also be nice and non-crazy. Nothing at all crazy here.
NO FUNNY BUSINESS or else you will get tasered.
Er… riiight. Nothing at all crazy here. I think I’ll just be keeping my eggs, thank you very much.
Regards
Wait. Never mind, they send their regards. Here come the eggs!
Thanks for the link, Daniel!
I wonder what tasered eggs taste like.
Regards
I prefer mine with mace. It gives them a nice zing that makes your mouth (and eyes) water.
So I risk my life to get eggs for some strangers and if they decide I’m not crazy, I might get some food out of the deal. Or I might get tasered.
I don’t think it’s worth it. If they don’t feed me, I’m still hungry and out the money for eggs. If they do feed me, I get eggs and probably nothing else, plus I’m still out the money for the eggs. And I’ve risked my life.
It’s not not worth it for eggs. A cheeseburger, maybe. Pizza, maybe. But not eggs.
I think bringing eggs to a stranger who’s too cold to go get some themself automatically dubs you as crazy.
OT — Somebody has a birthday tomorrow! Who could that be? Laurelhach, it’s YOU! Hooray! Cue the balloons, bake the cake, light the candles, and many more, too many to list!
Do you need eggs for that cake? Will someone deliver them for you?
And you get to eat breakfast while crazy uncle Larry is watching you real close and carefully fingering the taser he keeps on his belt. Fun!
I think this is possibly my favorite YSAC post EVER!
Laziness in the 21st century reaches a new nadir.
Isn’t this industry’s nadir, and laziness’s apex?
And which of those phrases is a better band name? Choosing between them would be too much work for me.
Actually, I think that azimuth, which could encompass either of those things and/or the trebuchet/mangonel/onager/petard (why not?) discussion below, would be an even cooler band name.
… then this would be a lazimuth?
Yes! Absolutely. 🙂 +Elebenty
I thought about starting a band called “laziness’s apex” but… eh… I’m tired.
Their new album should be “Can’t Be Bothered.”
I’m hijacking this thread because if you aren’t a Facebook fan of YSaC, you should go join right now, and if you are a fan, go read today’s message. You will need to wear a helmet so that you don’t do permanent damage from head hitting desk. 8)
I agree with the laziness. By the time they typed that all in, they could have gotten the eggs.
Of course, they didn’t say the eggs had to be fresh. I have some eggs I’ve been saving for Halloween that are pretty rancid. I also have an ostrich, and they lay some pretty big mo-fo eggs. _Almost_ worth it to bring either to their house and get tazered. Almost.
You have an Ostrich??? *place bird fangirl squee here* Do yo have any emus? Would you be interested in an experiment?
I lolled. (Neck is tired again.)
I have emus, what’s the experiment? I’m not saying I’ll do it, I’ve just never heard of anything that required both ostriches & emus.
I don’t think I like the sound of this…
*innocent look* dan, whatever do you mean? mb, have you met our web boss of equal rank to the Llamanun, known as the Ostrimu?
‘Fraid I don’t experiment anymore. I have a job in which I’m a semi-public figure. 😉 (Neither do I inhale.)
Why didn’t this unnamed person get the eggs themselves at an earlier time, when it was not FREEZING OUTSIDE. Do they live at some remote sub-artic outpost that never gets above freezing and if so , will the egg-bringer be compensated for travel expenses or just left tasered in a snowbank? If it is a storm that is keeping them inside, how do they expect someone to deliver eggs,and just eggs, to them? And wouldn’t they like some bacon to go with those eggs?
Every time the is even the slightest hint of bad weather (ice, snow, hurricane, heavy rain, etc…) forcasted in my area, there is a big run on the stores for bread, milk, and eggs. I guess a lot of people like French toast when they are trapped inside, be it by an ice storm or a hurricane.
By the semi-jerkish assumption that you don’t get compensated except by breakfast (and then if they deem you non-crazy), I’m going to go with “just left tasered in a snowbank” as the likely outcome, regardless.
What’s that phrase? “Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”? Yeah. Suck on that if you can’t suck eggs.
I thought maybe they were stoned college kids but then I realized stoned college kids would likely ask for pizza, not eggs.
Obviously, it would be totally unrealistic and a bit presumptuous to expect a perfect stranger to bring you pizza in inclement weather and under threat of being tased.
But eggs, that’s cool.
‘Tasered in a Snowbank’ is going to be the first single released by my band, ‘Oviparous Benefactor.’ Our mascot is a large goose that lays golden eggs! If the band doesn’t make it big we figure we’ll just kill it and get the rest of the eggs out, though.
“We’re cold. Too cold, in fact. Lazily so, you could say. Go get us some eggs. We will pay you either in the eggs you just bought for us, or with the most magical warming thank you to ever be uttered. We haven’t decided if you will make us the eggs yet. Depends how cold and lazy we are when you get here. Don’t try to have sex with us…. we’ve been known to taser people. Schizophrenia is fun, isn’t it? Regards.”
Well, I can see…. eh, nevermind. Too lazy to type response. Witty responder NEEDED IMMEDIATELY. I’d get one, but my fingers are FREEZING!! BETTER BE FUNNY BUSINESS or else you get tasered! There’s more, but too much to list. Regards.
No, no! Read it again: “… we will make you food too.”
THEY’RE CANNIBALS!
Cue Admiral Akbar.
Cripes Chthulhu! IOU a drink. I almost fell for that one. I’ve been eaten before, but never on a Sunday…..
Maybe we could get some of Hartster’s ostrich eggs … some not-new, not-freshly laid eggs, and deliver them to the cannibals from a distance. The street, say. My arm isn’t great but that sort of odor seems to spread quickly and intensely, regardless of source.
We’ll need a trebuchet.
Or mangonel, I’m not fussy.
“Trebuchet” was my first thought, too, Chthooly.
Lola, a mangonel would work, but an onager would probably better suit our requirements.
Isaac, why am I not surprised? 🙂
How about a petard?
Chthooly, what kind of eldritch art do you make?
Lola, click on my name. 🙂
Ooh! I like the coded grave marker in particular! The sedan chair is very interesting as well!
So, which one are you going to build first? 🙂
Ha! The real question is when will I have ink for my printer? I printed a sepia photo earlier this afternoon and it was … purple, so I need ink. But I’ll probably start easy and do the marker. I always did well with those on tests when they showed you the 3-D item and the possible flattened versions, but it’s been a while so I’ll work up to something challenging.
I want to do the flying saucer in the Washington monument. I might just make a bunch of the saucers and build myself a mobile.
Lola, the markers are pretty easy to make; if you spray them with a few LIGHT coats of clear gloss polyurethane finish, they look more like polished granite.
Sarajean, take your time on the saucers, or they get wavy like a Pringles potato chip.
Whatever either of you decide to do, I’d love to see photos of your builds. 🙂
When you said ‘onager’ I thought you were talking about this, so I was a touch confused, especially when you started talking about building them O_o
Around Windrose & Chthulhu’s house, they’re more likely to build tanagers than onagers. I’m not sure how likely they are to build teenagers, though.
Isaac, been there, done that, he’s almost finished! 8)
o⋅vip⋅a⋅rous
/oʊˈvɪpərəs/ [oh-vip-er-uhs]
–adjective Zoology.
producing eggs that mature and hatch after being expelled from the body, as birds, most reptiles and fishes, and the monotremes.
So, dan, one has to be able to actually generate these eggs for their consumption? That’ll be a little tricky.
Hence the title of the post.
*facepalm* . . . we need the eggs. Post coffee, it all makes sense now.
Oviparous … to the tune of “O Canada?”
Is “ovivorous” also a word? I’m getting a red underline, so maybe not. “Oviphagous”? “Oophagous”? “Egg-eaty”?
Egg-nomming
Anyone seen Isaac? I got a punch waiting for him. 8)
PUNCH ME!
Congratulations! *punchity punch* Already updated the forums, too.
How many does that make for me? Am I up to 0.1 TacoMagic yet?
Wow, hard to believe, Isaac, but since January 1st, this is your first time in the box.
Aw, that’s only like 45 microTacos, then. But I think I have two old punches on my 2009 card. Can I combine them?
If you can get a web boss of your choice to confirm said lack of sucking, then yes, you may.
I am reasonably certain that Isaac has been in the DS box a number of times, said number being greater than 0 and smaller than threeve.
Huzzah! Thank you, drmk, Isaac now has a total of twove punches. (I wonder if I should have divided by that zero. . .)
By my calculations,* that means I’m up to 2.8 deciTacos.
*No actual calculations were undertaken. Void where prohibited. Consult your physician before converting to deciTacos. The metric Taco scale is not for everyone. Possible side effect include lexicographic envy, lots more, to many to list.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
(P.S. I know for sure that I got boxed for this one, because you yourself, Windrose, mentioned it on a day when I’d made a better comment anyway. That was my 1rst time in the box.)
I seem to have slept since then, and forgotten all about it. 8) I just put it in the Forum thread, though, so we will never forget!
Who needs a dozen eggs for breakfast? How many are there of these cold-sensitive people anyway? How many of them have Tasers? How far are they from, say, a corner store? Are they from somewhere where people don’t have clothes and shoes appropriate for snow– like Texas? Is this a gang of hungry Texans armed with Tasers? Considering what hunger does to people’s impulse control I wouldn’t go within a mile of this crowd.
If they were from Texas they would be asking for BBQ not eggs.
Not California either they would have to be organic free range gently handled eggs from chickens raised in a non threatening well adjusted family environment.
My guess would be Wisconsin…
As a native New Yorker currently living in Texas I can safely say that this was not posted by Texans. As Hamcan said, they’d want bbq, and when bad weather hits here we tend to have hundreds of accidents because 99% of the population drives trucks that they think have been imbued with divine ice-defying powers.
Speaking as a Texan expat, let me say that some of our best breakfast yummies require eggs. Barbecue is not really a breakfast food.
Migas are good. And I sure wouldn’t say no to a potato-and-egg taco right about now, even though it’s not breakfast time any more.
Could you bring some hot sauce, too? And maybe also some chorizo? Oh, and some nopales.* They’re not easy to find up here in the Land of the Ice and Snow.
If you’re not crazy, I will not taser you.
* & lots more, to many to list.
Well, some left-over brisket can really make for fun [i]huevos con papas[/i] tacos. Further [i]Almuerza[/i] is good all the day long.
You need some canned nopales, I can send you some.
That being said, I’m not risking passage up an impassble-by-the-residents drive way to deliver to risk insult-upon-injury.
And, unless there’s a lot of quiche being made, there are very few things leftover eggs are good for (would make for a nice thin cookbook though ).
Canned nopales are only acceptable when trapped and freezing and/or in your Y2K bunker. Here in Tucson we just raid our own yard (or our neighbors’, or -even better- public roadside landscaping) for cactus to cook.
2/3 of everyone in my neighborhood also seems to have urban chickens (they’re the new yuppie accessory), so I doubt such an egg-mergency is ever an issue. But then again, it’s never “freezing” here, so even if you don’t have your own oviparous pets, one needn’t beg strangers for egg delivery on CL.
(We got an inch of snow once, overnight; it didn’t stick, but the next day was a snow day for all the elementary schools. yep. In that case, maybe someone would have needed eggs brought to them by non-crazy strangers. Do chickens still lay when it’s below 50F?)
This looks like a job for…Super Chicken!
“Fred, the super sauce” Buckaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!
When you find yourself in danger,
When you’re threatened by a stranger,
When it looks like you will take a lickin’!
There is someone waiting who will
Hurry up and rescue you,
Just Caaaaaall for Super Chicken!
One of my all time favorite, most overused lines by me comes from this show. “You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred!”
(Second verse)
He will drink his super sauce,
And take the bad guys for a loss,
and in the end he’ll be alive and kickin’,
Buck, buck, buck, buck…
(chorus)
Also one of my all time favorite cartoons, they just can’t be that politically incorrect anymore.
Plus a million. I loved Super Chicken when I was little
Anybody remember Chickenman? “He’s everywhere! He’s everywhere!”
i remember that one, yes!! having an LOL thinking of it…
oh dear, I’m feeling thoroughly snarkless today, this is not good. Maybe more coffee will help? Or some eggs?
oh hang on, I know what the problems is, I spent most of yesterday watching repeats of Dr Who, so when I read Dans “Here come the eggs!” all I could think of was “Here Come the Drums!”
So now I have Voodoo Child stuck in my head. *wanders off to sit in the corner and hum to herself*
Dang it Dev! Thanks for the earworm. *grin*
…. …. …. …. ….
I’m embarrassed to say I may have to make a post like this only for milk. We’re snowed in. A lot. Maybe I could plea for a 4-wheel drive…
Need milk. It’s deep out there and I only have a Prius. And while it will gogogogo…I fear it will get stuck. If you have 4-wheel drive or a sweet Subaru, could you bring me some milk? If you are nice, I won’t slam the door in your face. But you can’t have any of my milk. Back off.
hmm…what’s my account password again?
Don’t forget to threaten them. You have to threaten people if you want them to do things for you.
It puts the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again.
I’m sure the milk-bringers insurance company will understand.
‘So you intentionally drove into a blizzard because a stranger on Craigslist needed….milk.’
‘Yup’
‘Resulting in the absolute ruination of your vehicle, a fence, several neighborhood cats and a house.’
‘Yup’
‘We’ll just shoot you now and put you out of our misery.’
No! No! Think of the paperwork!!
And Sheriff Andy won’t let you have another bullet after that!
I certainly hope they wouldn’t want ME to help for the reimbursement. I just need milk. Not guilt.
when i read the first line, i thought this was a deparate plea for human egg donation. Got to the second line and realized it was just a bunch of stoners wanting breakfast. And to think, they could have asked for hot pockets. The shame of some people…
All I can think about now is that episode of Futurama where Leela says to Fry, “Remember that talk we had about ending your stories one sentence sooner?” Even by Craisglist standards, this ad was only mildly eccentric until the part about being tasered.
This ad explains a lot. One time I was delivering groceries for my second job and didn’t have time to change after the clown gig at the local petting zoo. Never could explain why they electrocuted me–until today.
In Soviet petting zoo, clown makeup wears you!
Well they did say “no funny business”. So I guess showing up in a chicken suit and singing the theme song from “Super Chicken” might qualify as “funny business” and you as “crazy” thus resulting in a good old fashioned tasering.
You can’t say they didn’t warn you.
Paper beats rock
Scissors beat paper
Rock beats scissors…
Super sauce beats taser
DUH!
I thought it went;
scissors cuts paper,
paper covers rock,
rock crushes lizard,
lizard poisons Spock,
Spock smashes scissors,
scissors decapitates lizard,
lizard eats paper,
paper disproves Spock,
Spock vaporizes rock,
and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
I am not sure the people authoring this add are qualified to judge crazy. Just sayin’
Yes but they are probably too tweaked, jonesin’ for some eggs to know this.
Hey, takes one to know one.
Haha, how many does it take to know one is not?
“Oviparous”. Nice. YSaC is not only entertaining, but educational, too!
No good deed goes untasered.
I think I saw that on a fortune cookie once.
Rock band name?
“The UnTasered”
For some reason I read that as “No good deed goes unassed” as it was scrolling by.
Well… that works too.
I am totally untased by their threats.
I’m grasping at unhumorous thoughts here.
Perhaps unhumouous thoughts, but definitely logical. If they are mere threats, then you do remain untased. Which is probably a good thing …
tell ya what. WE’LL bring eggs alright. and toilet paper. dont look out the window. your house will be nice and warm in no time.
YSaC= You Suck at Conningpeopleintobeingyourminion
When I saw this in the comment box I thought it was referring to me! Because, um, well, it’s true.
But it’s true for this guy as well.
Oh great llama-nun, I would not dare blaspheme in such a manner, mostly for fear of the Hypno-dogs showing up at my door.
HELP! It’s freezing outside and I need a million dollars.
If you’re not crazy I’ll let you keep $100.
If you are crazy, I’ll let the dog chew your leg off.
Salutations.
I call racism!!!!!!!! You people just assume humans wrote this.
Clearly, this was written by snakes, who are lethargic because of the cold weather. They can’t go get their own eggs, or they will freeze to death.
Chthulhu was close, though: They aren’t cannibals, but they’re definitely planning to eat the delivery-person.
Then that would be o-viper-ous, wouldn’t it?
Snake with a Taser. That shall be my new indie folk band.
Snake with a Taser – Club emblem on biker jacket……..
That would be badasssssssssss
Snake with a taser? How’d it push the button? And why am I pondering over such mechanics when EverQuest has snakes kicking…so guess snakes with tasers wouldn’t be that far of a jump if they can ‘kick’ eh? LOL
Sounds like a Samuel L. Jackson movie.
Mr. Jackson: “I’m done with these nutter butter snakes with their nutter butter tasers!”
I bet these people are in Florida or some such place, where “freezing” means way down in the 40s F. You know, when it gets up into the high 20s here in Minnesota, we’re all running around celebrating the warmth. And they’ve got to threaten strangers with a tasering to get breakfast eggs? Wimps.
I did not submit this but I DID see it posted on Craigslist, and can I just say, the Sunday morning this was posted we had almost three feet of snow, and it was about 10 degrees outside. The first thing I thought when I got out of bed was, oh man, I really wish I knew of some strangers that I could buy eggs for, especially if the threat of being tasered were involved.
breakfast foods should always be high in protein and also in carbohydrates, we need food energy during the early morning `,: