Im saleing my self
If u need somebody for a day I’m yours for 80$ a day and u can do what ever u won’t with me .
It’s a Craigslist version of Russell’s Paradox! You can hire him to do whatever you won’t have him do! And then he can go and shave that pesky barber! And join that club that won’t accept Groucho Marx!
Thanks for the post, coute!
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All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
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saleing: v. gerund form, to advertise something that nobody wants in exchange for money.
my brain-head just melted because of this ad…just won’ted you to know.
Bumper sticker on pink Neon:
I’d rather be saleing!
*Sits at his piano*
I’m saleing myself,
do whatever you won’t with all of me,
’cause I’m not close to free,
give me 80 bucks or you won’t get me,
if you’re board I’ll come spank you, and all of yours,
then i’ll search for more money, and sale some more,
And I’ll try, Oh Lord I’ll try, to speel wright!
a bunch more verses, too many to list.
please make the music stop in my head….hehe…
You must have had your coffee this morning.
I think you get to be my muse mudslicker. All of my YSaC poetry/song remakes seem to be based on comments you make that inspire me to artistic theft… err… homage.
I’m wishing now that I had spelled more things incorrectly in that. It makes the actual spelling and grammar mistakes look less on purpose.
I’m curious: is this meant to be sung to the tune of something or is it an original composition?
Jackie, it’s to the tune of Come Sail Away by Styx. 8)
ITYM Come Sale Away …
Finally! Someone I can hire for a reasonable price to carry around my uranium ore and stuff poisonous spiders into envelopes! I also need to retrieve my boat from the bottom of the cow manure pit, but the envelope spiders and sending the envelopes out might take all day.
Sadly, I don’t think those are things you won’t him to do.
He’s be perfectly happy to spank you with a raccoon though.
Why a raccoon?
(“Why a duck? Why not a chicken?”)
Is there a sliding scale for such things? What’s the difference between say, a dwarf hamster and an armadillo?
Dwarf hamsters are hard to keep hold of. You need something with a tail. Like a dead cat. Maybe a squirrel.
You could (in theory) throw the dwarf hamsters like snowballs.
* pictures people laughing and flinging small rodents at each other*
Wow, that’s disturbing.
*thinks “what about a beaver?” and then decides that joke is too obvious even though it was innocently conceived*
*goes off for coffee in hopes of it containing inspiration*
Today’s travel plans have changed due to the weather, and I am stuck with a bunch of cupcakes. Please, help yourselves. They are from one of the chichi bakeries here and very tasty.
*types with one hand and holds cake in the other*
I like cupcakes! Om nom nom! Ooooh it’s my bf’s best friend’s birthday today…I could make some and try out my frosting methods!
Things i’d be wiling to do for 80$ aday:
what ever u won’t with me
a bunch more, too many to list
TM, you’re so wiley! *hands over $81*
Ok, I know we’ve gone over this before, but I’ve changed my avatar at gravatar and shut everything down, and it’s still not posting with the new image? I’m luddite-ing today.
clear cache and history mudslicker, I just did and I see your new one just fine. I’m not sure what it is of course, but I can see it.
It takes a while, sometimes.
You’re the end all of hurricanes muddy.
okay…i just can’t see it. Some sort of EMF/paranormal revenge then.
Just switched from Firefox to Explorer and it’s there but not at Ff…
I’m going Colts-y today!
Normally I’m on board with your comments, mudslicker, especially the pundit jabs. But I might have to break down and get me a snazzy fleur de lis gravatar. Or is that a floor da lees? Flar duluth? Several others…yada yada…something about lists.
It just might be worth the eighty bucks not to try and teach this person how to spell and punctuate properly.
I think they already know how not to do that.
But if you won’t not teach him, you teach him.
It’s like a Mobius strip of fail.
I want to hire them to divide by zero. That way when they are sucked into the abyss of nothingness they have created, I can keep my $80.
It’s like GTA; pay a hooker, have sex, then kill her and get it back!
Or…maybe not. I like to think that the abyss of Zero Divided is one of infinite knowledge.
Then why, when encountered, does everyone seem to exclaim “Oh SH-” ? What are they seeing?!? I’m a little worried about the nature of that infinite knowledge.
{corey} It has been theorized (by some of my friends while hammered) that in attempting to absorb infinite knowledge, the human brain would “overwrite” itself, causing complete and total amnesia. The overwhelming store of knowledge with no way to process it into context coupled with the utter loss of self would cause the person to go instantly insane. (Shortly after that your heart and lungs cease to function because your brain has forgotten how to make them work or you die of massive hemorrhages in your brain, opinions differ.){/corey}
I play waaay too much TF2. The ostrimu peeking around corners is my main in-game spray.
This was supposed to go lower, under all the other videogame stuff.
So was this.
I find it odd you know that much about GTA, arallyn.
sarajean, I’ve played through all of GTA: San Andreas…plus all my guy friends are gamers. We’re just a big giant geekathon.
I’ve never played it but knew about that as well.
It’s one of the main jokes about the game…also a big reason that censors hated it. Up until GTA 4, there was really no reason for the games to exist besides wanton violence, crime, and sex.
Isn’t that the reason for most video games?
Well…yeah. I tend to play more escapist action/fantasy games, like Bioshock and Dragon Age: Origins. Sure there’s plenty of violence in them, but it’s so different from the real world that I don’t associate the two…and I don’t have to think about the sorry state that society really is in.
Word Arallyn.
I’m totally escaping into White Knight Chronicles tonight.
I’ll just be over here in the corner with my candle and quill pen, thinking of nasty ends for those darn rogues.
That reminds me, I still have to write my adventure for the session I’m GM’ing in 2 weeks. Holy crap I almost forgot. Thank Sarajean.
P.S. I’m a Geek, don’t judge me.
Why write an adventure ahead of time? My bf will forget to usually, and when that happens he just kills the players in the most spectacular manner possible. Often with evil squirrels.
I like to use something I call The Curse of Brownian Movement. After the players interact with a seemingly benign object, I begin moving them at random intervals in random directions. In sufficiently tight quarters there’s a good chance someone (or everyone) will end up in the middle of a wall. (Or a dragon.)
For some reason people who have played with me before are hesitant about picking things up in my games.
My favorite DM had a long adventure planned for some of his friends and he decided to start it in a clearing in the woods. He told them they saw a gazebo in the clearing. They tried to attack the gazebo. He told them, “it’s a gazebo!” so they tried magical attacks. He let them destroy the gazebo and killed them all with a ball of stupidity.
I used to do (and in small groups still do) a lot of “off the cuff” GMing, but I found I always ended up with NPCs with names like Dan, Bob, Mike, Hank, Frank, or William. Preparing ahead of time allows me to at least make a list of names that fit the particular genre of NPCs they are likely to interact with.
I usually also outline a plot and points of interest, but my players have an uncanny knack for skipping everything I have prepared and going straight for the “off the cuff” region. But at least I have those names for NPCs when we get there and I’m just making stuff up.
SaraJean:
Speaking of benign objects I think I have a couple for you that you may enjoy, should you have the opportunity to utilize them:
Wand of FS: FS stands for *Fish to Sand* and it’s a homage to a spell I created in 2nd edition D&D called, ironically, “Fish to Sand”. It’s a 0 level spell that can change 1 fish/level into the same volume of sand. My GM hated that spell because I would always find a way to use it in his games. I even used it effectively once. The wand has an infinate number of charges of FS that work at level 1 caster level.
Rod of Holy Rain: A variation on the rod of wonders, 5th level. The rod of holy rain casts the player created (me) holy rain spell. To use holy rain you will need a dictionary as well as knowledge of how many pages it has. Roll 3D10 and turn to that page (roll again if above the number of pages). Roll 1D12, and skip that many words. Pick the very next noun. It now rains for 1min/level that noun in a 10m radius. If the object is larger than a football, roll 1D6/level and it rains that many of the objects.
So far the best utilization of this was when it rained France. Killed the entire party as well as their enemies… and most of the villages nearby… and the capital city. On the numerical roll, it rained 17 Frances. Worst utilization was when it rained ticks for 12 minutes.
*14 fruit juicers rain down upon your enemies*
I’ve got to make it rain ticks, that would be awesome!
Those little darlings are going in my file.
Note for use of Holy Rain:
When the noun happens to be one that is non-physical (Such as say, “Alphabet”) there are two options which can be chosen by the GM:
1. Skip it and keep going until you hit something that is a physical object.
2. The GM can optionally interpret how the noun can be made physical.
We always used the second option. For example, we got “alphabet” once so our GM made it rain cans of alphabet soup. Another one we got was “shout”, so it rained boxes of detergent. Yet another was “glow” where it rained sunshine (so it was sunny… raining photons as it were). We always enjoyed seeing his interpretations, so we always made him do it :).
I wonder what the likelihood is that you’d wind up with a rain of frogs.
Or, for that matter, a rain of rain.
In the spells 8 years of existance, the closest we’ve had to frogs was when it rained horned toads.
It also rained citric acid once, that’s kinda close to raining rain.
It also rained guns very early after the creation of the spell. We’ve been waiting 7 years for it to rain bullets so we can actually use the guns.
Oh, great, now I can’t stop humming “It’s Raining Ticks”
It’s raining ticks! Halleluiah!
Almost all of the stuff I know about RPG’s I learned from Darths and Droids. (Did I learn about that from someone on here?) It sounds like a total blast, though!
oh is THAT what mudslicker’s new avatar is? The abyss of nothingness?
It’s a hurricane over Miami with a Colts winky-eye. And the abyss of nothingness has been going on for quite some time now.
Wait for 180º of rotation and it’s the omega hurricane.
“It’s a hurricane over Miami”
Not. A. Miami.
I think you mean it’s a hurricane over the Gulf of Mexico, bearing down on New Orleans.
Speaking as a former Louisianian, odds of the ‘Aints hitting the Super Bowl have been a lot less than that of a hurricane strike. More along the Lake-Pontchartrain-freezing-over line of odds.
None the less, I feel compelled to end with a hearty “Who Dat?!”
COREY IS BACKKK!!!!!!!
So, for $80 I’m going to pay somebody to do something that I wouldn’t do, myself?
Hell, I can not do things all day for free. Why would I want to pay someone else to not do things for me?
I’m not doing a lot of things right now. For instance, I am not translating The Joy of Cooking into Sumerian.
I’m also not doing a lot of things. I’m not building a life size replica of the Millennium Falcon out of Cheerios. I’m not learning Klatchian for fun and profit. I’m not kidnapping lawn gnomes and sending them on trips around the world. I have a lot not to do.
At least you’re Not. Procrastinating.
I am.
I’ve frequently not been on boats.
Yeah, my not-to-do list is jam-packed with things I’ve not got to do. I don’t know if I can get it all not done today.
I think I’ll put off not ordering these until tomorrow.
I was going to IM this guy Saleing, but I don’t think I have his address any more.
You may have to IM him yourself.
I can do whatever I won’t… uh… *scratches head* but if I do it, then I can’t not have done it, therefore I have, and not have not. If it’s something I refuse to do, but then do, then I no longer am refusing….
Beet-boop. Does not compute.
Noooo, don’t consider it Silva. Quick, here’s a Jim Carey video, it’ll help stop you from thinking.
*Hands over DVD*
This is the sort of thing that Captain Kirk used to use to destroy artificial intelligences.
80 Quatloos to do what you won’t with me!
I wonder how much detcord a person needs to achieve looking like a technicolor copy of Mudsy’s abyss of nothingness, but I don’t want to do it myself. Dear sir, here is the spool of detcord. I’ll be over here holding your money and the match.
Mmmm, detcord.
Take care, both detcord and primacord are quite addictive, even in the smallest of doses.
Luckily, matches are low risk; the nifty items one _can_ use are as equally addictive (consider the Jack Nicholson line in Batman “Where _does_ he get all those toys!?” as ever so apt).
I read this thinking of Eric Cartman’s timeless rendition of: “I’m sailing away’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOWK7Tam01M
I do what I won’t!
This person won’t go saleing with me on a saleboat. Or maybe won’t go to yardsails with me this weekend. All for 80$. The possiblities are, well, a bunch more, too many to list.
Dear poster,
Are you an attractive young female 18-25 and very busty? If so send a photo. Please make sure the picture is of you with no shirt.
I still need a topless house cleaner. No sex for money or non of that if anything happens it is because it was meant to and will be mutual between me and you.
Jason F
Anyone else love the Douglas Hofstadter reference in the title?
anyone? anyone?
*hangs head in shame at own nerdiness*
I do, I do! Oh, wait…
That’s what I love about YSaC. The submissions make me feel smart. The comments and references remind me I am not so smart. I just saw Escher and thought “it’s the pressure”.
I feel the same about the comments. Makes me feel like a kid at the adult table. But I know I am with my own kind though, so it’s all good.
I just pretend to be smart. I don’t fit in so much as I act like. I just force them to accept me. 😛
I had to Google it and then had to Wikipedia what I Googled. 🙂
But you know what they say “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, a bunch more, too many to list.”
That’s what I always liked about MST3K. There were a lot of obvious jokes, and some things that went right over my head. And then every now and then was that ONE joke, that you were convinced they wrote just for you, because you just KNEW that only they, you, and one other obsessive in the country were actually going to get it.
There was one of those in Futurama, too. Lela’s full name is actually a reference to a symphony by the 20th century French composer Oliver Messian. I about died laughing when they said it, and then realized that I was probably one of about three viewers who got it.
[Coreymoment] Leela, and Messiaen. [/Coreymoment]
Get a room!
We have one. Several, even!
After drmk’s mention earlier this week that she married Cory, I find the above coreymoment fairly amusing.
… Though it may be because I also wanted to correct “Messiaen.” 😀
Oh, btw, you might want to let Llama-nun know that the “Spelling Problems” tag isn’t spelled correctly.
What I want to know is, if I come here everyday and have proof that I followed all links, Googled all references that I don’t get (and there are many), can I get my PhD in YSaC in a year or two?
I’ll sale you a PhD in YSaC for 80$ bucks.
But if I decide not get all of the Phd, maybe just the P and the D, can I get it for free?
You’re going to have to put in a lot more time than that. I’m not sure how speedy drmk’s progress was, but I’d feel awkward about granting a Ph.D. in less than six years.
Two years, followed by an examination, sounds more like M.A. coursework to me.
But… this is an on-line educational program! Speedier than conventional …. so 2 years and a kazillion$ should do it.
I’d like to transfer into the YSaC degree program, but I’m wondering if my corey credits will transfer.
deer postmackure u r sew mutch godder riter then me kan u cum ovur end rite crageslist adds foor me I hav alotts off stuf 4 saleing enclooding riff raft armwa frentsh prondential funiture rot irens wardrope mine hors chase lunge chanderlier ottoman + a buntsh mor 2 mannie 2 lest i wood due it mie salf butt i haveing rear diseese
I dunt now ef I kan reicht up yer cragsless ad cuz thares so moch stuf, to mini to list. I cud dew part uv it foar free, oar all uv it fore adey dullers.
*to mine too list
cud eye half awl butt on off thoos, aye kant tayk oll uf dem cus meye kaar iss brocked annd eye halfta kerry dem1 i khan wright da gud kraigslisp add 4 u!!
-Tahko
Ei didd wunz half uh gai cum 2 pikk-up a aria rugg (sicks bi nein) Ei soled on Caregslit n hee wuz on a tenn spead.
brane gow splodie nao kthksbai
diddoe
There’s a lot I won’t do to a stranger…. especially one I meet on Craigslist.
Also, yay! I don’t suck!
Huzzah!
*It rains 15 Hellcats on you*
I saw that, too!
*looks around, doesn’t see Windrose*
Punchity-punch!
The new Lola flavoured punch. Smells like candy, evil candy.
*12 fichus rain down on Lola.*
(I’m betting everyone but Isaac is going to have to look that one up.)
I know what a fichu is! I read Little Women or something and one was mentioned.
Evil candy is a good description of the caramel apple martinis I am known for because that’s what they taste like. Candy that eventually kicks your butt.
Ohh, that sounds better than a Bacontini.
That is it! Bacontini must call out this “Caramel Apple” martini. How dare you try to overshadow Bacontini, with your caramel… and your apple…….
Damn, pour Bacontini an evil candy, he is suddently thirsty.
The fichu was news to me.
I had to look it up, and as it happens the microfichu reader machine had been zapped by Fikachu earlier in the day, so it was about as useful as a ficus. I had to spray it with fichutive to stick the parts back together.
Stephanie! How did your card get punched already? *gasp* Are you seeing another person with a hole puncher?
Nope, Windrose, just covering for you. 🙂
*hands back punch and punch holster*
Thanks, Lola! You’re my favorite deputy.
“Also, yay! I don’t suck!”
I’m assuming that’s included in the category of things you won’t do to a stranger you meet on Craigslist….
This is correct.
I feel so ashamed. I’ve always considered myself a nerd, but I’m missing so many references today.
Inside, you just need to put a positive spin on it all. Think of it as a learning experience. ALL of us learn something by regular attendance here. You’re on your way to expanding your nerd knowledge and getting Corey credits!
Well, look on the bright side, at least he’s on sale! I never pay full price for these sorts of things, I always wait for the saleing, or at least cut out the coupons.
I had a coupon for illiterate asshats, two for one, but it expired yesterday! Isn’t that always the case. And I was going to stock up.
Fortunately there never seems to be a shortage.
Is $80 (or 80$ or 80 bucks) some kind of magical craigslist amount? Two days ago it was the price for all of the free stuff. Today it’s the price for a full day of abusing a stranger.
Is the stranger in today’s ad trying to earn $80 to buy the free stuff from a few days ago? Should we maybe contact the stranger and clue him/her into the fact that he/she could get all of the free stuff free if he/she didn’t take ALL of it?
Can I waste more time on this to avoid doing my taxes?
The guy will won’t do them for you for $80.
Hell, I won’t do them for you for $80.
I offer my services of won’t do them, for $70.
I’d not pay you to not do them, but then I’d have to hire you to not remember to not write it off next year.
Argh, taxes. I haven’t gotten my forms yet. I don’t have to pay (I live outside of the US), but I still have to report my income.
Aw, heck, we abuse strangers all day for free here at YSaC!
You know, camille is right!
We need to come up with some snark rates and start charging people.
I think we should charge double for those that make the don’t suck box. Unless I do. 8)
Is this what some people mean when they say Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do?
I’m not sure what this person wants or won’ts, but I’m willing to bet it’s probably illegal in most states.
I’ve not been hiring someone to do stuff I’m not doing. Maybe I’ll hire this guy to hire the guy that won’t do the stuff I’m not doing. wait …
*Brain asplode*
what came to mind was a joke of chris rock’s: a hooker walks up to him, and says, I’ll do anything you want for 200 bucks! and chris says, ok B****, paint my house!
that’s all i got today. its 7 pm noo yawk time, i be tired.
Here’s something else I won’t him to do. Sing this to the tune of My Favorite Things, from the Sound of Music:
YSaC Memes.
Still Not. A. Lion, but this shell is minty.
Hypno-Dogs hate you, but mine hors is tricky.
Dead snakes in sofas and Ish in my dreams.
These are a few of YSaC Memes.
Trading rare cereals for cars for a daughter,
Getting a room if the comments get hotter,
Bacontini, cat math, and Corey points; seems
These are a few of YSaC Memes!
When the bleach boils, when the Crisco
Is from ’59,
We simply remember our favorite Memes,
And then we won’t lose our minds!
Sofas and tables in style French Prevential,
Llamanun, Ostrimu, and spambots demential,
Supersize Spider-Man, ripped at the seams,
These are a few of YSaC Memes!
*crickets*
*golf clap*
(Only ’cause I’d already seen it.)
I thought only tiger Woods had the Golf Clap…
Tiger “saled” himself for free or $80…(to many to list)
Wooohooo! Do Freebird!!!!!
I’m surprised you wrote down all the lyrics, since there were too many to list.
I’m working on that verse! Or I should say, Mike and I are working on it. He helped smooth out the areas where it didn’t work. 8)
(Raises his BIC lighter and waves it around)
Plus eleventeen millionty.
This seems vaguely familiar…
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=3601#comment-17530
It’s the same, only different! LOL
Windrose – now that tune will be endlessly in my head all day ! and I HATE musicals. Kudos for the words – they are super-magic. Which mug *liquid container, not face * will they grace??
tigprincess, next time I’ll go with Blinded by the Light, Manfred Mann. Better?
What is is with My Favorite Things parodies lately? I recently collaborated in writing one for The Hope Chest, and I’ll be recording it this weekend. I could record yours too while I’m at it (with my best Julie Andrews impression). I firmly believe all my favorite blogs deserve their own theme songs.
P.S. “Bacontini, cat math, and Corey points; seems” doesn’t scan so well. Mind if I fudge the lyrics a little to get them to scan better?
jackie, PLEASE do what you need to! 8) Just let me know so I can update the version in the forums. Thanks!
I’ll keep you posted, and will certainly provide a link when it’s ready.
that title is seriously obscure. I though mathematicians were the only ones who read that book.