YSaC, Vol 550: Ach, me poor wee bairns!
Here’s one from Kara P.:
[City Name] – best paid survey
We are hunting for alignment that would above to verify appreception in our study. It involves arresting a bairn accent abeyance antibiotic for 3 weeks and documenting your results. You will be presented $1400 for your instance so allay blow us if you are interested.
Guh? Blern?
*gestures*
Mergh?
*hides in a corner*
No. Wait. I can do this. (breathes deeply) The worst parts of it is that there are bits that almost sound like English. This part of the ad: “…for 3 weeks and documenting your results. You will be presented $1400 for your …” is just fine. I’ll just look at that part for a while. I won’t look at the bit before that where it says anything about “bairn accent abeyance” or the bit at the end where you’re supposed to blow them if you’re interested.
*breaks down weeping*
I’m marginally interested, but there’s no way I’m going to blow them.
*gestures* *deep breath* It’s them! Our Alien Overlords! We must get to the moon and accent vaguely promise apples.
OOO! I didn’t know apples were involved! Pardon me while I allay blow them.
how do you arrest the accent of a Scottish baby? What would that accent sound like? Ach WAAAAAAA! I definitely won’t blow them, even if I am interested. I am interested in the $1400. Are they looking for a prostitute to blow them but they are unclear on the concept of English? Actually I know they are unclear on the concept of English, that part is obvious.
ach waahh….I just choked on my popsicle from laughing this is my favorite one so far
*hands Dan a tissue*
There, there, more deep breaths Dan. Come on, you can do this, now say after me….
“I will not read this ever again”
Doesn’t that feel better?
*makes soothing cooing noises*
*rubs earlobes*
Woo-saaahh
They could have used the random phrase generator and pasted the phrases together with a few actual facts. I bet you guys know of Random Generators I am unaware of. Talk amongst yourselves.
http://watchout4snakes.com/CreativityTools/RandomWord/RandomPhrase.aspx
Hey! Watchout4snakes is an MST3K meme!
+1 for MST3K reference. Never was so much fail made into a series of such win.
The cast of that show is responsible for my love of snark and Norwegians.
Mitchell!
Joe Don Baker FTW.
It reads like a Markov chain “conversation” bot. I would know. Some of my best friends are chat bots. 😉
I made you a comment but I eated it. Damn internet. I was trying to say maybe they used the random phrase generator and then pasted the phrases together with a few actual details. That’s how I won the Pulitzer.
It’s a vaccine to prevent you from developing a Scottish baby’s accent. If you’re interested, have Allay blow them.
It works well if you read this in your head with a Scottish pirate accent. “So allay blow us” doesn’t sound quite so dirty, just pirate-y.
Mmmm, piratey.
In the interest of… well, my own amusement, I started passing this through Google Translate, English -> (obscure language) -> English to see what became of it. Here’s the pass through Yiddish – it actually added in the caps itself on the second translation:
We are hunting for Alignment that would subjects to confirm appreseptyon in our learning. It Involves Arresting a Bogner accent Abeyance antibiotic for 3 weeks and Documenting your results. You will be Presented $ 1400 for your example, so quiet shock us if you are Interested.
I think I’d much rather quiet shock them than blow them if I’m interested, frankly.
And strangely (or perhaps not?) the run from English -> Malay -> English actually cleaned a few things up.
So far the English-> Malay-> English translation is my favorite.
oh but you’d have to do it with a Bogner accent Irregular Fractal, can you manage that?
Here are the results of English -> Finnish -> English:
We are hunting and the alignment of the above check appreception research. It represents a reserve antibiotic bairn accent to rest 3 weeks and documentation of results. Showing your $ 1400, for example in such a way to alleviate the impact to us, if you’re interested.
“I think I’d much rather quiet shock them than blow them if I’m interested, frankly.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker_(hand_gesture)
You sure bout that???
appreception, noun, an act or instance of apprecepting. Also the fact of having apprecepted.
apprecept – verb (Lat.); 1. To nullify precepts. 2. To lack precept.
The senator said, “I am going to a. the Constitution.”
I don’t see the confusion, guys. They’re hunting for an alignment, because clearly it’s way off. I’m going to guess spinal, and because it’s so far off they have a hard time putting together comprehensible sentences. With proper alignment, they can both verify and appreciate their study. Also they’re cops, since they’re arresting things, but not very good since they’re looking for the elusive Bairn Accent Abeyance, which is rarer to spot than Bigfoot. However, if you find him, you will need antibiotics to track him for three weeks and clearly document each and every movement that he makes. You’ll be rewarded handsomely for your efforts, with $1400, in an instant. And then you’ll get arrested for trying to blow a police officer.
I can see clearly now, my brain is gone.
“[B]low us if you are interested.”
“I do not think that means what you think it means.”
How about English – Irish – English:
We have a debt to align appreception above to verify in our study. It involves arresting antibiotic abeyance bairn accent for 3 weeks and for documenting the results. You will present $ 1400 in order to allay such Beat us if you are interested.
I like that much better. Now not only do I get to abey my bairn accent, I also get to beat them. Much better. In the original Gaelic, this ad left a bad taste in my mouth.
Yes, the only issue is that I seem to have to pay them the $1400 for the privilege of beating them.
Well, as you point out, it is a privilege.
I think it’s well worth it. I’d be happy to start a collection for you. *passes around hat*
Don’t trust anyone who says they’ll pay you $1400 to blow them in an allay. If they had that kind of monay they’d pay for a hotal.
Really, you need to get your money up front. Ummmm, I know that because…….
Do you mean to say that blowing people is NOT an acceptable way to show interest?
Huh. It’s always worked for m… Wait. I mean, um… Hrm. Nevermind.
Heeyyyoooo… get the kids outta the room!
Usually, by that point, they already know I’m interested.
… Er. I’ll get me coat.
A surprise attack is the best way.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Surprise%20Sex
Graham’s link disturbed me. I am disturbed that there is another way to say rape. A “politically correct” way. People who rape people don’t deserve politically correct terms.
TRUE THAT, Lara!!
Political correctness, if I understand the term, is used to avoid offending some person or group of people.
Therefore, there is no reason to even HAVE a politically correct term for rape, since it isn’t a word that is derogatory towards a specific group.
Also, the idea of trying to make rape sound “fun” makes me sick, especially since I go to a college where many of the guys would probably think this was a great way to describe their weekends.
And teh boys have been trying to tell me this is how to “show interest” for literally YEARS!!!
This doesn’t sound right underneath the rape comment.
I’ve seen The Bairn Identity and The Bairn Supremacy, but I didn’t even know about The Bairn Accent Abeyance. Did that go straight to video, or something?
No, l_c, you could only see it in certain licensed cinemas, because of all the blowing.
I wouldn’t have guessed Matt Damon would stoop to that.
Well, when you’re friends with Ben Affleck…
Well…I doubt he was the one doing the stooping. Or, you know, kneeling. Some people prefer one over the other. Or so I hear.
“Hey Jimmy, I’ve written out a short ad that I would like you to post on Craigslist to recruit subjects for our drug trials. Could you please post it for me?”
“Sure thing, boss. There are a few words I can’t quite make out here.”
“Oh Jimmy, I’m sure you can figure it out.”
I ran it through the Galician to English Google translate, and apparently they are testing out a new product to treat erectile dysfunction.
I had a hunch, and ran it from English -> Hindi -> English –
We the above alignment in our study to verify appreception are victims. 3 weeks for this one child is involved and arrested accent abeyance antibiotic documenting your results. For example $ 1400 will be your present if you are interested then blow us away.
Not quite as spectacular as I had hoped…
I, for one, don’t think the spelling is a problem. I’m always willing to put unknown antibiotics in my body under the control of someone who’s not educated enough to use spell check.
Now I’m curious, what was your hunch? (Native Hindi speaker here…)
Oh, it wasn’t based on anything linguistic that I noticed, and now, thinking about it, it was flawed logic to begin with because any Hindi speaker trying to conduct business in the United States probably has a better command of the English language than whoever wrote this and ran it through an online translator (or did it manually).
Anyway, I was thinking that the only non-English speaking/non-European country that the US would allow to test “antibiotics” within its borders would have to be India.
But I’m getting the impression now that this is trying to advertise something illicit (if anything at all, it’s anyone’s guess).
Wait, what language do they speak in Thailand…
Ms DMRK:
Please accept this resume as an application to become a minion. I would have asked for the lackey position, but I understand it is filled.
I ask that you please disregard all the spelling mistakes in this missive. If you do not see spelling mistakes it might be that I ran this through spell check first, but if required i am able to shut off spell check, thus making my resume look more like:
Thiz. I ares applying fore yer ads to be a minionion . I are computer illiterate and ables to lern stuff rellly fast. Pls let me and I knows as sooz as yer can. I are looking all the tines for a jobs i can do from the house and all of the jobz out there for peoples who stays at home ar SCAMS and orought to be taken away frm the internets. I knowz yer askings for minions is a real true job fer peopke.
iknows iare a bit late forom three days before, but I was like, busy k?
Thanks hopefully
yernewminion
Mmmmmm… mini onions!
Hey! I applied for that job first!
No you didn’t.
Hi Dan:
Does this mean I get the job?
Goody now I won’t have to resort to trying to sell something on Craig’s list!
Dan, I thought your rank was higher than minion! 8)
Not so fast! I called dibs! Just cause you didn’t HEAR me, isn’t my problem.
I say we duel for it. As my weapon, I call…chain saw “skis”
As a tech writer, I’m annoyed by people who use MS Word’s (or any similar program) spell check blindly. Curious, I ran Minion’s application through the spell check and blindly accepted all suggestions.
This. I Ares applying fore year ads to be a minion ion. I am computer illiterate and ablest to learn stuff rally fast. PSL let me and I know as soot as year can. I are looking all the tines for a jobs I can do from the house and all of the jobs out there for peoples who stays at home are SCAMS and or ought to be taken away form the internets. I know year asking for minions is a real true job far people.
Knows ire a bit late forum three days before, but I was like, busy k?
I had to click “ignore rule” for sentence fragments and PSL is the name of the building where I work.
Go GrahamT! ‘Bout time I say.
Why thank you! In general my approach is more about sheer volume than quality, but you get one to stick every once in awhile.
*punchity punch* Congratulations! Here’s to many more.
Danke!
Heh heh heh, a heh heh heh. You said “more about sheer volume than quality” and “get one to stick.” Heh heh.
Assuming this is looking for subjects for a drug trial, I think I can make sense of the 1st sentence:
“We are hunting for alignment that would above to verify appreception in our study.”
They looking for an effect of the drug that would be statistically significant, showing that their antibiotic prevents/treats infection. “alignment” = evidence of an effect “appreception” = lack of infection??
I’ve got nothing for “arresting a bairn accent abeyance” or “allay blow us”, but I can ignore those and pretend it makes enough sense not to make my head hurt.
I thought I had a bairn accent abeyance once, but I bought a spray cleaner that cleared it right up and I didn’t have to allay blow anyone.
And WHERE have YOU been, btw???
edit: or has this been addressed already? If so, don’t mind me. Carry on.
Bits of this ad remind me of cockney rhyming slang.
I’d offer an explanation based on this hypothesis, but I offer no pretence of being able to even remotely understand cockney rhyming slang.
All I know is that apples and pears means up the stairs. *shruggs*
Trouble and strife = wife
Plates of meat = feet
Uncle Fred = bread
Berkely and Hunt… I’m just going to leave that one alone.
Porkies (pork pies) = lies
Barnet (from Barnet Fair) = hair
Christina, I’d been told it was “Berkshire Hunt,” but the meaning is the same; an apparent euphemism is “berk.” More polite than calling them … that … outright.
You are likely right, Lola. I haven’t looked into them in a while. I used to have a Palm TX that I would load with every quick reference database app I could find. The Cockney slang list was most useful for censoring myself at work.
these people are looking for a minyan?? let’s see if i can find 10 guys – or 9 other people if they want reformed. other than that, WTF?
I went hunting for alignment last fall, but they were quite elusive this season. Also, the hard winter was tough on the calving. I suppose I will just have to settle for eating that askew I have in the freezer.
This should help clear things up a little… (courtesy of Google)
The helm of opposite alignment is a helm that will alter your alignment when worn, with the message “Your mind oscillates briefly.” This will remove any divine protection you have acquired. Removing the helm will restore your original alignment and remove any protection obtained under your temporary alignment, but this is made more difficult by the fact that the helm will autocurse when worn. Wearing or removing the helm will never restore any lost points of protection.
Why would I want to remove divine protection?!
Anyone else think that responding to this post will lead you to a warehouse with a black guy wearing sunglasses, a leather trench coat and holding a red and blue pill? If you apply, you’d better be able to hold the same confounded expression for at least 5 movies oh, I mean hours.
Sounds safe to me!
How do you know you haven’t already been there?
I must have been. I keep trying to eat my rare cereals, but can’t find any spoons.
Speaking of which, what’s with the new screen name?
I cannot think of my password for the first account, or the account that I made when I could not remember the first. Preparations 1-84 were complete failures.
*suspiciously* Would you like some sugar water?
Let’s see if this works. Guess so. yay and I have my own permalink. Woot!
Excuse my silliness. Simple pleasures…
My Spoon is TOO Big!
Why’s he gotta be black, yo? And why has no one called racism on you yet?
Good call, Meredith!
Please tell me you’ve suffered through The Matrix.
Oh yes. I actually love the first one. 2-3 not so much.
They’re looking for a young Sean Connery to do a remake of The Rock in pseudo-documentary format (Ken Burns wasn’t available). It will only take three weeks to film. For pay, they can offer $1400 or the equivalent in cocaine. Choice is yours.
Have I been living in cities too long? Or just read too many crime novels? While my first response to being offered $1,400 in cash or the equivalent in cocaine is “I’ll take the cash,” another part of my brain quickly replied, “But you could totally step on the cocaine and double your money, at least. If not more. Especially if it was fairly pure.”
I and my middle-class liberal guilt are going to go write a check to the Police Athletic League now, so that kids are playing sports instead of selling stuff on the corner …
Way to fight against our young entrepreneurs, Lola.
What’s so hard to understand? “It involves arresting a bairn accent abeyance antibiotic.” There’s an antibiotic that makes people obey barn accents. I’m pretty sure they meant “barn.” I’m just not sure how to arrest the antibiotics. I mean, I get it. Barn accents can be a bit much sometimes. (I live in the south but am not Southern. Can I say that without being hated?) But do the antiobiotics that make people obey them really deserve to be arrested? The whole thing about there being antibiotics that make people obey them sounds pretty sci-fi to me. I could use $1400, but the “bairn” accents and medical stuff are way too Firefly (read: cool) for me to want to arrest the antibiotics.
I won’t even comment on the “blow us if you are interested” part. I’m definitely not interested, and I’m sure Allay isn’t either.
*sniffs for racist remarks* Nothing solid to go on here. 8(
GrahamT’s Hindi stuff is pretty suspect. And considering Graham’s history of racial slurs…
Right! Graham T, present yourself for reprogramming!
Ooh, can I do it? Pretty please?
I feel like an Al Sharpton magnet at this point…
Go ahead lareina; you’ve earned it.
Oh Graham, I can’t. I’ve faced so much worse than ‘Do they have Sundays in the Middle East?’ You’re totally warm and cuddly and unbigoted by comparison.
See, I don’t think it was written in English in the first place. It was obviously written in Greek or Swahili or something and then put through google translate so that it could be posted in English. Poor slob doesn’t speak any English so has no idea his ad is such a mess. Of course, that doesn’t encourage me to want to participate in his whatever it is. What is it? My head hurts from trying to figure it out.
I am reminded of the Dr.Demento – Dungeons & Dragon’s skit; wherein the geeks around the table are commenting of going into a tavern (in their questing characters), and one says: “…are there any girls there? If there are, I want to do them!..”
Its not exactly ‘blow them’, but that’s what popped into my head…
You guys are all wrong. Obviously they are recruiting people to serve them when under the influence of brain obeyance antibiotics. Doing what, I’m not exactly sure. My guess is an army of hookers with heavy accents…
How are you ?, by the way My apologies, english is just not my principal language. While viewing this website I viewed some form of weird code all over the website, in case if it is crucial I only just thought I would tell you. It shows this along with all kinds of different txt right after it, starting with Caution: Cannot modify head tag … and so forth. It’s very likely me , only because I yet have simply no time to update and i am continue to utilizing FireFox 3 but web sites such as google and yahoo or just my own one fastest way to lose weight do show up free of issues for me, therefore its slightly strange.
Don’t click on it! It’s a trap! (isn’t it?)
I think you are right Windrose!
Nice of the spambot to put “Bott” right there in the name.
See, this now puts us in a dilemma. If you make amusing commentary on the spambots, do we delete the original posting, rendering the commentary meaningless, or do we leave the spam up, with all the needing-to-wash that that entails?
Spamming seats, did you say? I suppose that makes sense. Spamming while standing gets tiresome pretty quickly.
Was trying to remember how I could have passed up commenting on “bairn” until I polled my journal to find I did not start reading YSaC until 4 Feb 2010.
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