YSaC, Vol. 542: YSaC outsources!
Need help with writing ebook!
I want to write a ebook about how a artist can use the internet to market his or her music. From myspace to making there own press kits. I need somebody to help me organize my ideas and put it on paper. I want to make it maybe around 100 to 150 pages. Kind of like step by step on what move should they make next. Let me know what your prices would be for the full ebook I will pay you before you start in the middle than when its done. I really want this to be done I think It would do good. Let me know a flat rate of him much you would charge! Please email me thanks!
Need help with writing website!
I want to write a website about how a people are stupid on the internet. From craigslist to writing there adds. I need somebody to write the website for me. I want to make it maybe around 542 posts. Kind of like one by one on how to be stupid. Let me know what your prices would be to write the whole website for me. I’ll pay extra if you’re a rooster.
Thanks, Andy!
I’d charge a bajillion internets, and I insist my name not be listed anywhere on the project.
i be hppy 2 hlp u wright ur book. i have lots of expirence in wighting. i wuld only chagrge fifty cent per word. Peece.
I see you picked up those two books from yesterday!
Brilliant! Okay, here goes:
Need help having a life as a popular girl who has lots of friends and activities. From work to going out to getting at date. I need someone to organize my dreams and put them into actions. I want to make it into 70 to 80 years or more. Kind of like day by day you would do the things I want to do with my life. Let me know what your prices are for a full vicarious life I will pay you when you start at middle age and when its done a payment to your family if I decide to have one. I really want to live this life I think it will be good. Let me know a flat rate of her much you would charge! Please respond in morse code smoke signals or by pigeon!
And hence, the occupation of Life Coach is born.
Ooooh, these people would be perfect: http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/12/12/expert-in-writing/
Ugh, I’ve stayed up waaaaaaaaay too late reading all the posts (and their comments). I’m going to bed. x_x
Funny I just finished editing my boss’s ebook.
I’d charge 1000 bags of sunflower seeds.
You must have parrots, too! That’s a really good idea to charge in seeds.
Windrose, you’ll probably get a kick out of this, I took it in Jodhpur at an old Maharana’s hunting lodge, now converted into a hotel:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=41371209&l=6b2df6e010&id=21000452
Yes, indeed! That is absolutely beautiful, and your caption made me chuckle. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it 🙂 Those green parrots are everywhere in the North, they’re so cute. I saw them at every single famous archaeological site I visited, including the Taj Mahal, where a group of about eight were play-fighting along the walls of Shah Jahan’s mosque right beside the Taj itself.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/photo.php?pid=41284540&id=21000452
Then there was this little guy (girl? I forget which gender has the red ring at the neck and which doesn’t) at Fatehpur Sikri, the abandoned capital city built by Akbar in the 1500s and then abandoned when the court moved back to Agra:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=41284524&l=83eb863cea&id=21000452
Ok, I’ll stop making you look at my pictures now…
“I will pay you before you start in the middle than when its done.”
As someone once commented on Regretsy, “I think my English degree just shriveled and died.”
(Actually that could apply to a lot of these ads, but that sentence in particular brought it to mind.)
As for compensation, I want an original mint Atari with Pong. That’s where my gaming skills leveled off.
When I read that sentence, I was under the impression that the OP would be paying their gullible e-author before starting in the middle of the book, which made me wonder if the book were to have a beginning at all. I’m wondering how that would effect the Step-by-Step on what move I should make next.
Don’t worry, Step-by-Step won’t be affected at all. It will still be playing endlessly in syndication in Mediterranean countries, much to the delight of the inhabitants, who love our “new” tv shows.
(from personal experience and suffering 6 hours of Step-by-Step reruns while trying to take in Cypriut culture)
I got the same impression. That’s why I won’t answer the ad; I always want to start at the beginning.
The beginning is nice, but I usually just look at the pictures.
Maybe I haven’t properly understood the way ebooks work, but isn’t the whole idea to *not* use any paper? If this ‘someone’ is putting the poster’s ideas (or should we say, “ideas”) down on paper, it’s not so much an ebook as…a book. Or perhaps a pamphlet. Brochure? Leaflet? Either way, still not an ebook.
Next posting:
NEED SOMEONE TO PUT MY BOOK INTO EBOOK FORM!
I need someon who can put my book into ebook form. I worked very hard on this with a little help from someoen and now i just need to put it inot an ebook. you will be responsuble for taking the things i wrote down and making them into computer form for the internets. this book is very importan to me and it is my lifes works so i need you to put it in really good just like i wrote it. i will pay you when you start in the middle and than when you have the book up and running. i will need you to make a website for the book to be red on and for people to buy it to read it and get my ideas of how to do things step by step to get their music our there from Myspace to making press kits.
I would need you to also run the website to make sure it works properlee and that people are buying my ebook and not stealing it.
Please reply via the motherships established systems. Blafargle!!!
Need someone to market my ebook for me. you will be responsable for socal markiting and distrabution. the internets are beyond my compre… um, underst, um… i dont get them. I think this cud do good i will pay before you start after i see result when many are sold. Or you could just write the ebook and markit it youself but then no mony before after i see. you choosed.
Oh, Ed. The pain that must have cost you..! Being the featured commenter isn’t worth this, goddamnit! Stop torturing yourself!
It would probably be easier to remap my keyboard and then just type with my eyes closed. A lot less painful.
Right, Lareina. Ed, don’t torture yourself. That’s what Craigslist is for!
Wot a conicid … koincide… stroke of luck! I want someone to fill in and pay my UK taxes fro me. If U do it I’ll pay in genuine British groats whe its 2011 so plase huri bfor end of this mth or it will be to late! I will only pay the best you wil noe if its u if you get groats, also send yr bank details so i can pai direKt.
TIG! Damn you, you broke my brain. Luckily I don’t need it…for now!
Meredith – its good to be back on YSaC ! I probably have a spare brain somewhere, I keep having to replace them as the batteries stop working.
God, writing that must have hurt. Just imagining having to misspell that many words intentionally is giving me the bad chills.
*twitch*
*twitch*
It hurt me just to write cuz instead of because or even just ’cause yesterday. I can’t imagine making my brain and fingers agree on that many abominations.
My finger ACHES for the Backspace button when I type like this.
Dear sir or ma’am,
I read your ad on craigslist and took the liberty of creating an “ebook” for you (several actually.) You can see one here: http://www.make-your-own-dance-and-techno-songs.com/internet-music-marketing.html
To see more examples of my work just google “market music online” and check them out.
I will send you a Paypal request for $100,000 (small price for the fulfillment of one’s dreams, don’t you think?)
Rock on!
Wow, that site wanted to knight me, but I haven’t done my vigil yet, and really I am not a fighter, so I had to decline.
To see more examples of my work just google …
Heh! Most excellent Bianchi…..
The site’s header was some sort of Math Equation I didn’t quite understand:
“Internet music marketing is a BIG thing. No Marketing = No Money – FACT”
How do you subtract Fact from No Money? It would seem to me if you had no money, you wouldn’t want to subtract anything! Gotta hold on to whatever you DO have, right?
How the h3ll do you subtract something abstract (fact) from something actual (money)?
I suck at math and even I can tell this is a crap equation.
yeah…being a disappointment to adults in authority…the worst punishment ever for a ‘good girl.’
and +10 to GrahamT for ‘order of operations,’ something I haven’t even considered in 30+ years.
(oh. my. gawd. I am old. I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.)
edit: damnit…this should be below Lola’s bus fight story…can’t seem to click the proper reply button.
Someone forgot their order of operations. Didn’t everyone learn this in 5th grade?
FPEMDAS: FACT, parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction.
No.
Though I was too busy entering adolescence early (thanks, hormones!) and may have been distracted.
Ah, so you were one of those girls that used to beat me up during recess.
Probably not, as it was estrogen rather than testosterone. I was probably off crying instead.
Aww!
Not that much, though. More likely was that I was off reading so I could insult you with my extensive vocabulary in high school.
Only ever made it to the principal’s office once. Eighth grade, got into an actual fistfight on the bus as it stopped to let us off at the school. Ratted out by the bus driver, who was my friend’s stepdad and who totally knew who I was (thanks, Norm). Punched a guy because he was lacking in the etiquette department (me in a nutshell, really) and refused to let me into the aisle “Ladies first.” You know that line about not punching a guy because he was wearing glasses? I pulled them off and kicked them away. Well, he was hitting a girl! (Who totally hit like a girl, I will fully admit.)
Spring, 1986, and I remember like it was yesterday. The principal (a nice man, now deceased, RIP) said to me, “I know you know better.” I didn’t get in more trouble than that. Vince had been there more times than me. I don’t know what happened to him.
My mother? I told her before the school could call. She was like, “Whatever, you’ve never been in trouble before and I’m sure you had a good reason.” I never got in trouble again so it was never an issue.
Back to our regularly scheduled thread. It was your comment about beating guys up that sent me down memory lane!
You didn’t fight much, but when you did, you did it with style. +10.
Ladies and gentlemen, and commentators of all ages, let me direct your attention to the Don’t Suck box. I know he will correct me if I am wrong, but I believe this is Mr. White’s first time in the box. Congratulations! Please bring your card to the office, or designate Meredith to get the punch for you. Thank you.
Oh, congratulations, Mr. White!
*adopts rambly-old-woman-tone* I remember when it was my first time in the box….’twas a special, special day, yes….
WHOAH. Uh,lareina…um…ummmm…nevermind.
Heee hee. I wondered if anyone would take that bait.
Congrats!
Wow. This is a surprise. You’re right – my card is pristine. Don’t even know where it is. It’s like those size 32 Levis I put away – nice, but you doubt you’ll ever need them again.
Yo MrWhite, I’m really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but lost_compass had one of the best comments of all time. One of the best comments of all time!
(link NSFW)
I have a chicken who types with a fork, on her very own typewriter.
She will be more than happy to help you write your book. She can even start in the middle, put the ending at the beginning and use the beginning to line her nest with.
She only charges one bag of chicken feed per 20 pages. And by “chicken feed” I mean crystal meth, of course. For me. Not the chicken. I actually don’t even have a chicken, really. I’m just looking for a drug dealer. You don’t know anybody, do you?
I hear advice to “start out with the end in mind” but never “start in the middle” which could be why this aspiring non-writer is having so much trouble in his/her online music marketing endeavor.
I’ve heard that starting in the middle and then writing out to both ends can cut your writing time in half.
Akshully ‘e’ is street talk for ‘ecstacy’ and ‘book’ is street talk for ‘run’. So wut I rilly need is somwon to help me run mai extasee. U see, I got my license takkin away after the cat-sunning-himself-on-#####-street incident. I can’t deal in cats anymoar, so I think maybe ecxstasee wood be more sucksesfull. Plus I have good street cred. We can start in the middle of the street and end at the end. I will pay you before you start, so I hope your honist.
Will this be a hard or soft hit on your street cred score?
A hard hit. I’ll work my way back up through random, mindless violins.
To the tune of “Everything Zen” by Bush, no doubt.
There’s no sex in your violins…
I don’t think so.
*rocks out with bad Jim Morrison hair*
Try to see it, once, my way.
Didn’t the Talking Heads have a “Sax and Violins” song?
*goes away to be music nerd on my own again, there aren’t many girls who are*
I’ll be a music nerd with you…Until the End of the World, that is.
I only live where Nirvana grew up. I can’t help it.
You guys are way too esoteric for me.
It’s not right for women to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and…thinking.
Ha! When Dan and I moved in together, we interfiled our CD collection. (That was how we knew we were serious about each other.) Despite the fact that between us we had over 1200 CDs (speaking of music nerds), we only had two overlaps in our CD collection — one of which was the Until the End of the World soundtrack.
HHNF,
I grew up in and was going to college on the other side of the state when Nirvana got big; there’s a little part of my heart that will be forever coffee-stained, rain-dampened ripped flannel because that time and the culture imprinted so strongly. I had friends who knew people in the big bands from before they were big.
*goes back to reading Heavier than Heaven*
There’s reading for women now?
Yes, GrahamT, there is! Not only that, we have bigger words and longer sentences than in “reading for men.” Also, we read it without moving our lips.
Do you have to use your finger to keep your place on the line, too? Who tells you to “sound it out” if you’re not moving your lips? Does reading for women have pictures of girls in bikinis between the articles? I have so many questions!
That is so tubular, Lola. I’m a bit young for that, but my older cousins worshipped David. He let them *the nerdy kids* sit in on shed practices. I’m more of the Foo Fighters era, but hey, anyone that can admit to knowing the down and dirty and personal lives of the real rockers is cool with me. They are people. Now, MXPX and Ben from Death Cab I could tell some stories on….
Graham, I could direct you to some feamle reading sites, but I’m afraid you would have to be prescribed a healthy dose of brainbleach at regular intervals for the rest of your living days.
HHNF,
I didn’t have connections to Nirvana (though your description of Grohl fits with what I had already heard) but did know several people who, independently, had connection to Soundgarden (who are reuniting, Yaaaay). One of my friends got completely drunk after a local show with the Screaming Trees and informed me that Mark Lanegan was stuck on himself because he was the only member of the band who wasn’t chunky – but that the other guys were best to hang out with. One of my earliest club shows was the Posies (I was in the first/second row and could have reached out and easily touched Jon Auer on that short stage), who I am impressed to say are still around, as are the (same vintage) Young Fresh Fellows. Not to mention that Peter Buck, who is possibly my fave guitar player ever, lives in Seattle now too. If I ever move back to Washington state from NY, at least I know the music will still be good.
Excuse me now, I am going to go away and feel old and remember when you could buy Bleach on limited edition pink (I think) vinyl.
We now resume our regularly-scheduled thread.
These sites, are they actual locations to which I would have to travel?
Need help having sex with my wife!
I want to have intrecurse with my wife in a many ways from cumasutra to treesome. I have lots of stepbystep ideas and need somebody to help me. I want to it to take about 2hrs each thime. Let me know what your prices would be for doing this. I will pay you before you start in the middle than after your smoke break. I really want this to be done I think It would do us some good. Let me know a flat rate of him much you would charge! Please email me thanks!
Umm… I’d help this person.
hey- wha happend to that suggestion yesterday about mr strunk and mr. white…….mayhap we send this guy a copy…
you beat me to that one queensbee, and sadly that’s all I have so far today. I think the sniffles I’m struggling with, again, are smothering my brain too much today.
Oh well, maybe another coffee in my nice new rooster mug will help
I think this fellow can help, and yes this was actually in my inbox this morning:
“We apologies for the delay of your payment and all the inconveniences and inflict that we might have indulge you through.I am newly Appointed Executive Governor of CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.Please take note. According to the information am hearing since i was appointed concerning delay of foreign CONTRACT/INHERITANCE AND WINNINGS because of this matter, i will devote our 100% assiduity in accrediting foreign contract Payments.”
As an added bonus, it seems the Governor here may actually pay you instead of the other way around.