YSaC, Vol. 514: It’s all clear now.
Madame X – w4m
I have this assignment about The Portrait of Madame X by John Singer Sargent, but I am a foreigner and I dont know
where to start.
Can someone help me on making an outline for the essay?
The keypoints are shown in the picture.
First of all, this was listed in Strictly Platonic, so we know that our enterprising student isn’t going to trade sexual favors for this service.
Really, it’s perfectly fine of her to ask for some help. After all, she’s a foreigner, and foreign countries don’t require schoolwork, or research abilities, or the ability to create an outline, so how is she expected to know how to do these things unless an American helps her?
I’m sure if I enlarge the picture, I’ll be able to read the text so I can help our foreign friend with her assignment.
Oh. Hmmm. Maybe she’ll be better off plagiarizing something off the internet. Or she can always ask this guy for help. Or she could use a random postmodernism generator to come up with something.
Thanks, Pam!
Why do the work myself if I can find someone else to do it for me?
Poor thing! Hope someone teaches her how to Google. And how to scan clearly.
She had someone else place the ad for her. Work is hard and hurts her brain.
Having read it over again, I agree. It’s written well, and while “she” doesn’t directly claim problems with the language, you have to wonder precisely what her “problem” is with writing the essay. Other than the fact that it’s work, of course.
Outline:
Premise: Lola is a Witch
Evidence: Transformed from Pretty Girl to Black Cat overnight
Sources: YSaC profile phots
Conclusion: Witchcraft is only possible answer
That’s not me, it’s my familiar. In the photo he is enjoying some ‘nip. 🙂
Or is Lola a Shapeshifter?
Lola, I’m not so sure. Do you think an American would be able to spell like this on CL? Nope. Physically impossible. Probably a foreigner, because while they may have accents, at least they’re technically correct more than we are… 😉
Responding to Igor:
I didn’t say that her helper’s native language was English. That’s why she couldn’t get her helper to write her essay for her; they are an ELL, too. Just two foreigners, sitting around in their bras and panties, brushing each others hair, experimenting with each other sexually, and waiting for a big, strong man to do their homework for them. Will you ride up on your white horse to rescue them and then have a pillow fight?
The whole ad is made of FAIL. She left a cyber-trail leading right back to her door. She could have found a legitimate tutor on campus, so we know she really wants someone to write the essay for her. If you can’t write the outline then you can’t write the essay either.
Uhm, what? I wasn’t saying anything about a helper.
I was talking to Lola. What I was saying was that it was probably more likely that a foreigner wrote this ad because even if they’re not terribly good at English, they usually do a lot better with our grammar than we do… And as for this bit: “Just two foreigners, sitting around in their bras and panties, brushing each others hair, experimenting with each other sexually, and waiting for a big, strong man to do their homework for them. Will you ride up on your white horse to rescue them and then have a pillow fight?”
A) Totally unrealistic, but that would be pretty awesome. B) What the fuck? You’re sounding like something straight out of /b/.
Igor,
You can ride a horse? That’s always a good skill.
😛 I can only ride a horse if it’s got a special indentation for my balls and two foreigners are experimenting sexually at my destination… 🙂
Responding to Lola:
Her problem is that she’s just a girl! *giggles and bats eyelashes*
Girls can’t think, silly!
She’s really lowering the bar for the rest of us.
You know, I thought the stereotype was that foreign students always were the hardest workers. With this and my S.O.’s former roommates (one of whom disappeared from school and we still get calls about from immigration, one of whom would come in drunk and force my SO out of his own bed), I’m starting to highly doubt this. If I can’t believe in stereotypes, what CAN I believe in?!
Cheese. You can always count on cheese in my experience.
Dev, I believe that I will subscribe to your notion of belief in cheese. Would that be Cheese with a capital “C”, or the generic cheese, with a lowercase “c”?
Yuo cn alwys beleive ni yuor spelcheker, tahts fuor surre!
I feel so ashamed. I could understand that, no problem.
You can always believe… in TOMORROW… Bet yer bottom dollar that tomorrooooowwww….
Oh, right. Nothing. My quote in psych class: “Although, if you’re sure you’re being open-minded about something, then you’re not being open-minded about your open-mindedness. Therefore, you’re being close-minded. I think the only way to ever be right about anything is to never claim you’re definitely sure or correct about anything…”
Igor, was that psych, or philosophy? ‘Cause it might work better as the latter.
I’ve always preferred closeD-minded to close-minded. Is that just a weird thing I came up with, or is one more correct than the other?
Similarly, I like old-fashionED rather than old-fashion.
I think you’re correct, JJ; however, keeping one’s mind close isn’t a bad idea either. I’d hate to lose track of mine!
Lola and Jenny, I didn’t think of this before, but they both apply. If you’re so desperately dedicated to the belief that you’re A) sane and B) right, then you’re probably either wrong or being right ineffectively…
Not so much sane as just wanting to know where my brain is and what it’s doing …
The scan is a visual representation of her fuzzy grasp on the English language, which is perfectly understandable being a foreigner and all. And of course she does not know how to do an outline. Come on, in Soviet Russia essay outline you.
You know, maybe the image is fuzzy because she’s a Foreigner, and she has Double Vision.
Augh! That’s where I was afraid that link was going! Some things from the past should just be left there.
It’s certainly convenient that the title of the painting lends itself so easily to a post heading that sounds like a personal ad.
I have a print of this painting hanging in my house right now (and can go see it in the museum here with minimal effort), no joke, and am a Sargent fan, and wouldn’t lift a finger to help this lazy cow no matter what country she was from. What a lazy-ass.
A friend who asked for help understanding a critical text and/or help with editing a paper so that it read better would be one thing; I’ve helped with both (“help” being the critical concept, not “do”). This chick? Wants you to do the work for her. For that, she can twist in the wind for all I care.
*grumps off to find day’s first cup of coffee*
Well, you know, Sargent WAS an AMERICAN artist. Just as we Amurkins can’t understand all them sculptures and drarwrings and sech like over in the Yurp, them Yurpeens cain’t unnerstan OUR Illustrious Artistes!
But then, she needs an outline. And only has keypoints. Ummm, I think my AP English teacher would beath this chica down with a thesaurus!
At least she’s not crying home to mommy because the assignment is too hard and either having mommy call and complain or having mommy do it for them.
True story: my own mom (who wouldn’t stand up for me unless I was comatose or possibly dead) picked up her first undergrad class as an econ professor two years ago. She had an analysis assignment that was given TWO MONTHS before it was due, talked about at least once a week in class, and when she failed a student who didn’t turn it (or anything else) in, she actually got threats on our home phone from his mom. Scary as hell.
I can’t stand/don’t understand parents like that. Mine would have said, “It’s your fault, you knew it was coming, and you didn’t prepare! You had time to ask for help! What’s wrong with you?!?” All valid points and questions. I suspect, based on personal observation, that these parents are overly-invested in the success of their children and either push them too much to do things they can’t, or the kid figures out that they can screw off and mommy/daddy will throw their weight around and get them out of it and so doesn’t try. Possibly both. The only time they would have gotten behind me over a grade would have been if I had been able to demonstrate via marked papers that my grade should have been significantly better than what I got (even figuring in class participation, etc.), and even then they would have been supportive, not proactive like that mom.
I count threatening physical violence less on the “proactive” scale and more on the “why do you have a kid” scale.
Violence? Wow, you didn’t specify that. It’s a grade, FFS! Yikes! Parents like that really are scary as hell.
Weird. My parents would (at most) e-mail the teacher asking if I could turn it in a day late and get some credit. And that was sixth grade.
And Arallyn, I don’t think I’d stand for someone threatening me or my friends/family with violence like that. I’d probably either drive them insane or get them to try it on me first. 🙂
Well, she reported it to the dean and went about her business. The kid wasn’t punished for his mom’s actions, but was put on academic probation because um…he sucked at school anyway. Nothing ever came of it, and we’re not the type to go to the police to dignify ridiculous threats.
Pft. Who said anything about police? I am IGOOOOOR, Guardian of the Great and Mighty Gate to the Gene Pool!
(Just kidding, of course. :P)
I have some labwork to do today in order to get my Ph.D., but I’m lazy and it’s raining out.
Can someone help me on going in to the lab for me?
There’s a map below.
X–|
| |———-X
| ——–|
Hmm, the map looked better in the typing box. I guess I should have checked while I could still edit.
|-X
|_____________|——X
So wait, after I turn left at the sheep farm, how far is it?
Well, according to this map, you can’t get there from here.
According to that map, there are two treasure chests buried at the lab. I gotta get moving!
Well, yes, but be sure to bring a super anti-poison potion because when you dig at the right place a Saradomin wizard will appear. You have to defeat him before you can dig again for the chest.
I did your assignment for you
http://64.105.86.154/pics/outline4.jpg
excellent work there PapaSloth. I’ll give that an A.
I am SO tempted to email this to the person who posted the ad.
Oh, please do!
“Madame X – w4m”
Not one of our female commenters is going to notice/ be offended by the fact that the poster is looking for a man to do the assignment for her?
actually, I think I’m glad she’s leaving me out of it.
I did (later, not enough coffee at first) and suspect, particularly given that the writing is so well done, that the school work is secondary. The male helper is the main thrust of the ad.
*giggle* You said thrust!
Girl: *running down dorm hall waving papers around* SEXUAL FAVORS for anyone who does my sociology paper! It’s due tomorrow and I don’t want to do it!
Guy: What’s it on?
Girl: How far feminism in america has come! Are you in?
Guy: ….
—-
I have no idea where I originally read that, but it made me hit my head on a wall.
Hubby says this is an example of true feminism. The woman has power, something to trade for something. I think it’s only true if she’ll have sex with ANYONE, not just a guy.
I point out that old thing “I bought dinner and a movie, now it’s your turn” and women who cry to get things.
He does agree she’s kinda missing the point of feminism. She has the power to get someone else to do her work for her, but she’s resorting to a not so equal or uplifting manner to get them
Although, as I pointed out, it is in strictly platonic.
maybe so, but we all know the people who post in that section actually mean “strictly platonic for about an hour”
Or “strictly platonic unless I can get something for sex”. They’re not gonna give it up for free, damnit!
Based on my perusal of Strictly Platonic, in my area it appears to equate all too often to NSA hookups. :S
You live in the DC area? 😛
In Soviet Russian, Strictly Platonic means sex!
In Soviet Russia, Sex means YOU!
Not JUST in Soviet Russia, baby…
😉 WIN!
And if that’s the case, Bianchi, then we’ll have to make special rules for you.
In Soviet Russia, YOU wear forcibly attached chastity belt!
In Soviet Russia, forcibly attached chastity belt wears you!
Hi. I’m the OP. As I chick, it didn’t offend me that she was looking for a male to complete her assignment. Why? Because I think she has no fucking idea what W4M means. Maybe she thinks it’s American code for “Write 4 Me!” or something. Do you think she understands the meaning of “Strictly Platonic”? “Platonic? Must have something to do with Plato. There sure are a lot of academic types on Craig’s List. Maybe someone can help me with my outline. After that, maybe I can pay someone to take my LSATs for me.”
The confusion about “W4M” seems possible, but “platonic” applied to relationships is not used only in English (“relación platónica” in Spanish, for instance). In fact, I think it must be a very widespread expression, so it’s difficult to believe that she was confused about that part.
If I squint JUST right . . . I can make out the words ‘penis,’ and ‘monkey.’
That’s nothing, I know people who can do that whilst looking at a blank wall.
The bottom part says “Evaluative” “The paper will be evaluated on the precumen and acne of your description and eight button acumen”
I think. Maybe.
Hey, btw, how do I get one of those nifty picture icons?
I cannot figure it out, either. I’d appreciate any suggestions from the people who’ve solved the avatar puzzle.
Gravatar is your friend. You connect an uploaded photo with an email address and then whenever you post and also include that address, the piccy comes up.
I don’t think Gravatar is working for me. I still can’t see my icon. >.<
You may have to clear your cache or – as happens in my case – sign off and sign on again. I can see at the side preview that it’s different from what I see here (it’s done that for me before, too), so you probably did do it right. It will eventually appear. 🙂
There we go. 😀
Man, you’re lucky you got that to work yourself. I had to find an American on craigslist to do mine for me…
When you aren’t familiar with something and don’t know where to start, the beginning is always an option–especially when dealing with outlines. Another less tested option is to take a lousy picture of the subject matter, log onto your Craigslist account, and try to get someone else to [platonically] do it for you.
In Soviet Russia, essay outlines you.
Scooped!
“I am a foreigner” reminds me of a T shirt worn by John McEnroe once which read “There’s no such thing as a stranger in paradise”. The word student derives from the verb “to study” ie do the f*ing assignment yourself. Now I know why I left university teaching
Post-modernism gives me a headache. The writers in that link could have condensed that down to a paragraph in least. I wonder if they speak like that offline.
Um, the postmodernism link is a gibberish generator — it automatically generates postmodern-esque nonsense.
But is it a lion yet?
Here, copy this, misguided one: http://jssgallery.org/paintings/Madame_X.htm
You’re welcome.
Reminds me of the Laura K. Krishna saga.
http://www.aweekofkindness.com/blog/archives/articles/the_laura_k_krishna_saga/
That whole story is kind of horrible and fascinating. I have busted a lot of plagiarists in my time, but none of them ever gave me a paper that referred to Dharma & Greg or included the sentence “I made a doody.”
John Singer Sargent is a little bit out of my field of expertise, but I could write up a quick outline for an essay on Professor X instead, if that would work.
Or Malcolm X. Or the X-Files. Or Malcolm in the Middle.
Can I get one, please Isaac, on Malcolm X-Files? TIA. 😉
. . .
I like ‘Family Guy.’
. . . thank you.
I have no idea what you’re talking about with Family Guy, but your blog = superfunplus. Your writing and tastes show a striking resemblance to my significant other, to an almost baffling degree.
Uhm . . . thank you. Heh. *blush* I appreciate that.
Always wanted to make a blog that was enjoyable and fun for other people to read, not just for me. So, I did. 😀
So, again, thank you.
Now that is comedy. My wife said, “Dang, you could have written this blog.” It is nice to know someone is writing a blog for me since I am foreign and all.
Once again I am obviously not using CL for ALL of the uses it appears to have.
I just had my boyfriend help me with my homework.. I could have asked someone on CL to do it for me so that we could play Lego Indiana Jones instead. :'(
I was unaware of the painting. What first came to my mind was “The Divorce of Madame X”, as performed by Turkey Television. I wonder if that would get an A?
One hopes that a precis of that is what she turned in – for the FAIL, of course, which is what is deserved when one cheats so blatantly.
I miss Turkey Television.
Especially the guy that kept trying to eat different foods with a straight face, while the ‘food’ kept screaming in horrible pain.
Let me get my glasses… oh wait it’s worse.