YSaC, Vol. 508: In Soviet Russia, Lemo Drives You!
2009 December 7
lemo driver
hello we are looking for a female lemo driver and you must wear a skirt send a pic if you can thanks tom and ann
• Compensation: 15 per hour
• This is a part-time job.
Lemo, eh? What do we suppose that is?
Navel-gazing music made by chauffers?
A large, flightless Australian bird, as referred to by a French person who can’t spell?
Something which, if it is handed to you by life, should encourage you to make lemoade?
THE Mo Rocca? (Not just A Mo Rocca)
The possibilities are endless.
Thanks for the post, YM!
Who doesn’t love Mo Rocca?
Pretty sure they mean Jay Lemo. He needs a chauffeur, and wants a nice looking lady. He got the idea from Letterman.
I wonder if Ann knows about this female-in-a-skirt-only requirement, or if Tom is going to act all innocent when Ann asks why only women have applied. Needing a pic and no license confirms the eye-candy angle of this, the only question is, for whom?
Lemo is obviously a dyslexic anagram for mohel.
Ann is hoping that Tom will be distracted by the skirt long enough to be driven to his bris.
I’m reminded here of the line from the Sopranos where Tony is threatening the Orthodox guy whose motel he now owns part of, and to threaten him more effectively or possibly Hebraically he calls Hesh for tips.
Hesh: Finish his bris.
Too bad they aren’t looking for a lemur driver. I just got my CDL (Can Drive Lemurs).
I failed to point out the compensation of “15 per hour.” Fifteen what, exactly? I’m not picky or anything, but a hint would be nice.
Fifteen lemurs an hour! Oh god I would go for that job in a second if that’s how I got paid. Then I would be swiftly evicted and my significant other would leave. But I would have LEMURS.
Instead of Dialing for Dollars (which my grandmother watched religiously, you could have Lemo for Lemurs. Awesome.
My SO says that lemurs are evil incarnate because of their eyes. I am ALL about ring-tailed lemurs! Even the other ones are awesome. Like sifakas!
But he refuses to watch Lemur Kingdom with me and makes me move on from the lemur pen at the zoo far too quickly. He thinks he’s going to be cursed by them. I think he’s going to be cursed by me.
you got to move it, move it….
Smile and wave, Queensbee, smile and wave.
now I’m going to have that song in my head all day!
15 per hour, eh? That could be a pretty sweet deal if it’s:
15 glazed hams per hour
15 votes for ombudsman per hour
15 David Bowie cameos per hour
15 haircuts per hour (shampoo not included)
15 high fives per hour
15 adorable little kittens per hour
And a partridge in a pear tree!
15 quatloos on the lemo driver!
20 quatloos that the new driver mates with Captain Kirk!
30 quatloos on the Hypno-Dogs!
In Soviet Russia, Hypno-Dogs quatloo on you.
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-DOGS!
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring lemon car.
I’m ashamed to say I actually got that…
I got that, complete with tune, and giggled hysterically.
I think the poster mistyped, swapping around two letters as many, including myself, are prone to do. The post should read ELMO driver. After all, it is Christmastime and I am sure the latest Do-Something-Inane Elmo has been released in stores, thereby making him more popular than ever.
A celebrity Muppet can’t be expected to drive himself around, can he? Especially not with a hand up his butt.
Oh great… now MY Elmo response looks obsolete.
Or maybe I should say, “Great minds think alike.” ?
I’d been expecting a stunt like this from Elmo – he and his agent panicking over all the recent tabloid publicity about other Muppets: Miss Piggy’s snout job, Bert & Ernie coming out, Oscar the Grouch converting to Buddhism.
And, let’s face it, “Fondle Me Elmo” wasn’t such a great idea.
I typed “lemo” into dictionary.com’s website, hoping it actually meant something. It didn’t. But it did ask me, “Did you mean Elmo?” And you know, I’m thinking if Elmo is requesting a female driver and requiring that she wear a skirt, for 15 (?) an hour no less, he is just trying to use code in the hopes that Big Bird and Cookie Monster don’t find out what he is up to.
This is the description on UrbanDictionary.com:
“A contraction of the words “lesbian” and “emo”. I’m not sure on the origins of this word, but I heard it at school, a group of chavs called one of my friends it.
Seeing as they have only one brain cell between them, I would assume they heard it somewhere else first. It is far too clever, and my friend took it as more of an observation than an insult anyway…
Chavs: Stupid lemo.
Friend: Haha, a cross between a lemur and an emo!!
Me: It’s not lemur, you dolt, lesbian + emo.
Friend: Even better!”
I say a cross between a lemur and a lesbian would be best of all.
Let me see if I have this straight: You want me to drive a “lemo”. Or is it “Lemo”? Since you don’t capitalize proper nouns like “Tom” or “Ann”, I just don’t know. Not knowing, I can’t assume I have either the capability or the proper license. Wait! Maybe it’s short for “lemon” and you want me to cook! See? Total chaos.
*Only* a skirt? Won’t I be chilly? My husband wears a kilt and wants to know why you won’t hire him. Sexist bastards.
I’m not sure how my ability to send gracious thanks to both Tom and Ann (see that little capitalization trick there?), affects my ability to send a picture of the skirt in question. Please advise.
“15” what? Marbles? White mice? Neutrinos? If I get to pick, can I make it 15 $100 bills?
I bought a lemon once. Couldn’t even start it, let alone drive it.
Did you try jump-starting it? Were you wearing a skirt? Did you remember to thank Tom and Ann????
Damn, I was listening to Zep again this morning (Mondays require extra effort to wake up) and my brain is now (Plant-style) intoning ” … drive my lemo ’til the juice runs down my …” You get the idea. I can’t unhear it now, and given the band’s rep w/r/t groupies, the idea of a “lemo driver” in a short skirt is filling my brain with scenarii that … let’s just say they’re NSFW to describe.
I’ve had worse Mondays.
Damn you, Lola, for forcing me to think sexy thoughts of a young Robert Plant when I should be off the computer, doing laundry. To appropriately sum up the moment and quote one of my favorite IT Crowd episodes: “Damn these electric sex pants!”
“Damn these electric sex pants!”
*notes for future references*
Heather, you are a committer of displacement activity after my own heart.
*tries to not think of a young Jimmy Page again, fails entirely*
Thanks for digging The Lemon Song reference back up again. Just thanks. Or should I say Thank You.
BTW, I never, ever thought that bean pole Robert Plant was sexy–young/otherwise or dressed in electric sexy pants.
*wonders if she can buy these online*
IT Crowd rocks. A good laugh in every episode.
New image to ponder: Elmo in a Lemo wearing Electric Sex pants….
I nominate Electric Sex Pants as band name of the day
Day, hell. Month.
Day, hell!
Day-ay-ay, hell!
Daylight come, and me learnin to spell…
Come, mister proofreader,
Tally me my typos.
Daylight come, and me learnin to spell.
Sorry, where were we?
+ Lots More for isaac, if I could!
Yeah, 40 quatloos for Isaac!
Maybe the poster is studying French, and meant to write “le mo”. I don’t know what a Mo is or could be. My friend Mo says he would love to have someone drive him around, though.
Ironically it could be ‘le mot juste’ that tom and ann intended to write but they were paying for the advert on the number of characters used and ran out of ..
According to Wikipedia, LEMO is a Swiss manufacturer of fiber-optic connectors. So a LEMO driver is either a tool used to install said connectors onto the fiber-optic cables, or perhaps the person who does the installations.
Obviously, they need a female fiber-optic specialist. The whole skirt thingy is discrimination.
and now I have an image in my mind of a skirted fiber-optic installer on hands and
knees under a desk “driving home” those fiber-optics. If you get my drift.
Ok, who’s got the mind bleach today?
*passes boiling bleach*
Thanks Lola, I needed that.
If not LEMO from Switzerland, I think they meant LEGO from Denmark.
Would that make the compensation in lego blocks? After a couple of days you could build a nifty garage for the lego lemo.
If you got paid in 15 Lego kits an hour, you could build your own house and – eventually – furnish it, all in Lego. Winter is pretty much upon us, so my question is: how insulated and/or waterproof/watertight is a Lego dwelling? Also, if you build a large version of a Lego car, could you take it on the road?
I seem to recall my brother building a lego boat when he was small and attempting to float it in the bath tub. It sank, and I believe there was water in-between/inside the bricks when he took it apart later.
So I don’t think a house would be terribly waterproof, as for warm though, I have no idea
I remember reading something recently about Lego dwellings. Alas, they are super-temporary, as they have a tendency to collapse. *shuffles off to Google instead of doing laundry*
I tried that Heather, but was swamped with results about the one James May helped build for that BBC show, and how it was demolished as they couldn’t find a buyer for it. I gave up after a few pages of those.
If I send a pic of a skirt will “tom and ann” send pic of the lemo I am to drive? Then we can settle the 15 (?) to our mutual satisfaction because of course their lemo may be different from the lemo that I am licensed to drive here in the UK ?
If Tom and Ann are in a lemo traveling from Creepy Canyon at 45 mph, and a skirted applicant is on her bicycle traveling from Gullible Gorge at 15 mph, who will arrive at Miscommunication Junction first?
Is the skirted applicant riding side-saddle?
If not, she has a better chance of coming, er, arriving first.
Lemo might be a misspelling of mole.
The question then becomes whether …
(a.) they’ve got a plague of burrowing critters and need them driven out, Pied-Piper-style,
(b.) they’ve got a spy / counterspy thing going on and need a chauffeur for their inside man, or
(c.) they’re planning to cook up an authentic Oaxacan concoction and need someone to ferry it to market.
I’d volunteer to find out, but I don’t look good in a skirt.
Absurdity on a Monday, you are doing it right.
It’s exactly like a lemur, but it has wheels.
Furry wheels, powered by sexual arousal.
That’s bloody disturbing.
It is illegal to discriminate by sex when hiring, but you can have an employee dress code. If a male is hired for this position, he must wear a dress while driving the female Lemos.
You can get either gender of Lemo , but why you would want only female ones escapes me, or why or where you would want to drive them.
If this is part time, can I take the lemo home and use it elsewhere? Reason I ask is there are a lot of Elmos in my building who would pay me more than 15 somethings an hour to drive them around in a lemo. And they wouldn’t make me wear a skirt.