YSaC, Vol. 493: An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in an idiot.
nuclear is senior give maintains
email pictures State don’t diesel off electric Ladies of relaxing a on help time does a email that Navy official Community Beat a powered financial on The Crisis the Crisis 100 great themselves 100 Russian World
Russians, eh? This must be some sort of code.
Let’s toss “nuclear is senior give maintains” into the ol’ anagram generator and see what pops out.
Minorities Inns Ruins a Cleavage
Hmm… some sort of plot involving affirmative action and boobies. Let me just type “boobies” a few more times to try and get our hit count up, and also to see what shows up in the Adwords pane.
Boobies! boobies boobies boobies boobies.
There. Now, what was I talking about?
No! Not that.
Oh, right. I was talking about that time in the sixties when I went to see the “Electric Ladies of Relaxing.” Man, they were a great band. Or was that a brothel?
Wait… I wasn’t even born in the sixties!
Never mind, I can’t figure it out. Thanks for the submission, Pruss!
This is what happens when you let Nostradamus use the internet. He ditches the quatrain format and starts leaving questionable word salad on Craigslist.
This sounds like something the 2 year old I watch would say. She babbles completely incoherent phrases all the time. Looks like a group of toddlers got their hands on a computer and learned how to spell.
No no no….you’ve got it all wrong.
It is, in actual fact, a POEM.
Email pictures
State don’t diesel off!
Electric Ladies of relaxing
‘A’ on help time
Does ‘A’ email that Navy official Community?
Beat a powered financial on…
The Crisis! The Crisis!
100 great themselves
100 Russian World
See? Now it makes perfect sense.
All I got out of that one was that the Navy official community beat financial power in “The Crisis”. And Russians are involved. Possibly also the state doesn’t “diesel off electric ladies of relaxing”, which sounds like a very dirty (possibly literally, if diesel is involved) euphemism for a prostitute.
Maybe the prostitute is Russian! And helped the Navy official community! Or possibly she hindered it. I’m over-thinking this one. It’s too early. I’m going back to bed.
My ads came up as “Nursing Aids” and “Ergonomic Baby Swaddlers”
I’m getting swaddlers, too. I think it’s because the word “wrapped” appears twice in the page title. Hee hee.
yep, me too.
In fact I feel a miss-quote coming on………..
“It’s no good young man, it’s blankets all the way down”
Ah, I feel better now.
Sarah Palin should stick to tweeting.
Even if she does think she can see Russia from her house (doubtful).
Not fair Lola. Here is a quote from the book:
“The apartment was small, with slanting floors and irregular heat and a buzzer downstairs that didn’t work, so that visitors had to call ahead from a pay phone at the corner gas station, where a black Doberman the size of a wolf paced through the night in vigilant patrol, its jaws clamped around an empty beer bottle.”
It’s called ghostwriting, whether or not they’re credited as such on the cover.
You do realize this quote is not from Palin’s book but from Barack Obama’s memoir Dreams From My Father?
It’s called bad writing, whether a ghostwriter is used, credited, or not.
I don’t read any political books by anyone when they’re current – I prefer the perspective of history. If anything by anyone stands up after decades then it has merit.
In Soviet Russia, enigma wraps you in a riddle.
And why are we all up this early? (okay, on the right coast, it’s not so early.) (But it’s Sunday, people!) I got up to turn on the outside lights for the birds, noticed the food in the crockpot was done, and now I have to wait until it cools enough to put away and go back to bed.
Then I will diesel off and be a lady of relaxing.
I appear to have caught a cold yesterday afternoon and am up because my nose was running madly and I needed to take more meds. If I’m up, I might as well try to mitigate my physical misery by looking for a laugh here.
My sleep schedual is all sorts of messed up, I’ve been up since 3 a.m. left coast time, which is why I’m here so early on a Sunday.
Hope you feel better soon Lola.
Lola: Saline nasal spray, lots of vit. C and Zinc, and sleep. Dr. Windrose only makes cyber house calls.
Jami_no_e: Is that because of you work, or just stuff in general?
Isaac: Give them all As and go back to bed. 8)
Windrose –
I’ve tottered to the deli and returned with lemonade with zinc and ginger in. I already have the vit C and saline spray. Looks like I’m set! To go back to bed soon, after eating something. Had no appetite for dinner yesterday, so I haven’t eaten in about twenty hours.
It’s because I have always had a weird sleep schedual. I’m trying to normalize it since I start working during the day this week, but it used to be that I slept from 8 am until 3 pm. However, for the last week I have been sleeping from 9pm until about 3am. I just don’t like to sleep a lot so I do it when I don’t have anything better going on.
I had no idea until recently that colds are contagious via the internet. I came down with a cold a week ago and since then a good half-dozen people I have internet-contact with have taken ill as well. I am SO SORRY for spreading my e-germs. 🙁
Apology accepted. 😉
Now I know why I was feeling so groggy yesterday! Hot tea, manuka honey, Rescue Remedy and good books got me through. However missed free postage deal on T shirt (and I’m hanging out for Not.A.Lion
I ordered something, but I’m crossing everything that we’ll get a new “free shipping” offer again later, so I can have a Not.A.Lion. one too. Shipping to the UK is too much otherwise unfortunately.
Feel better, Lolo! I am up because I have exams to grade. Maybe that means I should be grading them instead of puttering on the internets.
It’s 4:30 in the afternoon here on the Disputed International Border I call home. Having a lazy Sunday afternoon on the interwebs.
Cled, do you guys have Craigslist in Disputed International Border land? I see an option for Israel, but it seems…lacking, I suppose?
I have absolutely no idea. I’ll have to investigate. We have our own local similar dealies, but I don’t know about the canonical CL.
I’m up (right coast as well) b/c I *am* going to be productive today. Lately, I’ve been getting up early-ish on Sundays and then opening a book and reading for half the day. But I’ve got a lot of cleaning, etc. to do, so I’m about to tear myself away from the computer and do it!
I have Saturdays like that. Good luck getting the cleaning done; some days the book and computer win.
You people let CLEANING stop you?
CLEANING?!
-Laughs maniacally-
Yay it’s Igor! How’s your game?
Igor!!! You yet breathe!
Your glow has been missed.
Sorry Igor, I let your secret life beyond YSaC slip 😛 The ladies needed assurance that you lived!
GMT+8 is a lovely part of the globe in which to watch the morning news trickle in over an evening nightcap. Contrary to popular belief, America is not the whole world.
No, GMT +2 is.
[/snark]
Any reference to time and/or space that seems ethnocentric was not intended to insult or belittle denizens of other time and/or space zones. The non-management apologizes for negative feelings engendered by said comments.
Hypothetical musings:
Sometimes snarking at a reply to a comment might be interpreted as agreeing with it, when, in fact, the very opposite was intended.
I wasn’t snarking at you, Windrose.
Comfortable what email if alternative I Swaddleme tried Scratching making Suffocation some diesel word off salad Kiddopotamus by to putting conventional my Navy message powered in blankets every official other email word pictures and on extracting a the great others help from time the Call original prevent post face and swaddler the 100 sponsor Russian ads Beat Would does that a be time any email easier Shipping to electric read Community
No. No, it wouldn’t.
Safer I nuclear meant Snuzzler would the it 100 be Durable easier face to community decode of than relaxing the Ladies original longer post sleep
How do you *do* that???
-Is scared of secret codes-
THEY’VE GOT HIM, CLED! RESCUE HIM FROM THE RUSSIANS! GO GO GO!
Isaac: Every other word or every third word? I’m having trouble tracking it either way. Let’s just ix-nay the ode-cay.
Uh, I mean, uh, Rabbit I laundry like flush it peanuts better hovercraft when full you of don’t eels do cricket that.
But of something course maybe there a is little always bird the tells possibility me of you’re encoding not two interested short in messages further at complications once now.
pictures for diesel a official moment beat I themselves thought 100 you email meant crisis you Russian couldn’t relaxing read financial it help Windrose.
now why did that end up there, It was aimed at Windrose *shakes head*
The it’s normal because diesel of mocha the kindred darn crisis limit sailor on careful reply grits links.
relaxing oh diesel well that at 100 least ladies you beat spotted email it.
Looks like one of those codes based on letter substition from a previously agreed page of a known text. Let’s see…
OK. The book is obviously The Crisis of courtesy: studies in the conduct-book in Britain, 1600-1900 by Jacques Carré, published by Brill, that hot bed of international nerdishness. The author’s name is clearly a pseudonym meant to evoke the dean of Cold War spy stories, “John Le Carré”, itself the pseudonym of David John Moore Cornwell, which is, of course an anagram of “A Crowned Jived Honor Moll”, inevitably bringing us back to the “ladies” of pre-revolutionary Russia and providing internal textual confirmation.
So. The substitution code starts with the 100th character on the 100th page of The Crisis of Courtesy, etc.. Everyone has his flash paper and pencil ready? Ready? Begin!
AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaargh!
*substitution*
So embarrassed. So many typos.
Sigh.
I vote for 10 minutes to edit, not just 5. What if the phone rings, for example? 🙁
*brave smile*
Never mind.
Ah, so I see you’ve been pwned by Brill as well. No doubt a copy of The Crisis costs around $200 and arrives with a sticky note on the cover informing you that the author has completely abandoned the thesis of the book, but enjoy it anyway… sucker.
You, of course, are correct about Jacques Carré’s book; additionally, however, “The Crisis the Crisis” not only refers to Kurtz’s famous line, “The horror, the horror” in The Heart of Darkness, but simultaneously refers to the Cuban Missile Crisis.
I guess it’s also possible that someone’s Random Conspiracy Generator created this abortion of a post, but is it probable? Naahhhh.
(Occam is probably rolling over in his grave.)
Maybe someone should start a website for Brill survivors?
P.S. We could call it: BS.
Mwahahah. I just registered it. http://brillsurvivors.yousuckatacademicpublishing.org
Cled, worry not. I’m too bleary-eyed to notice the typo.
*wiping eyes* Thank you for your words of kindness, windrose! 🙂
I’m still snorting my stuffy nose over “A Crowned Jived Honor Moll” and didn’t even notice.
Seeing as I’m here so early, I should be able to get in a good snarky comment that hasn’t been made yet. (I’m usually too late for that, checking after work.)
But this –
There are no words. The post already ate them, digested them to unrecognizable mush, and spit them back up and onto our screens.
*wipes computer screen with boiling bleach*
Orders received Headquarters. Operation “electric Ladies” commences at 0330 hrs. I am going deep cover. Nashville out.
Those people who are doing the random babble ‘don’t know the words to talk to your kids about drugs?’ commercial are realizing the wave of the future is on the internet. But because they have no budget they have to resort to an unfinished CL ad.
Where’s JcT been lately? If ever there was an ad begging for Tuffy’s Grammar Slap it is this one.
The grammar slap is mine. I first used while posting it as Ainebegonia. I don’t think a grammar slap would help this poster.
Regular slapping, then? And a little shaking?
Your invention of the grammar slap was genius, btw.
I think this may be a case where the poster was slapped too much already.
Maybe he’s having a baby. Or Tuffy is.
Well…the spelling is good.
It’s like the Craigslist Uncertainty Principle. A listing can have good spelling, good grammer, and good logic, but you can only observe one at any given time.
If I had to chose to decipher a posting that had only one, I would most likely choose the one with good logic. I have learned to decipher incredibly bad spelling thanks to editing term papers written in text speak and idiot; bad grammar will usually not hide the meaning.
I will attempt to interpret this ad since I will not miss my sanity. I think our poster just forgot to puncuate.
“email pictures State ” – He clearly wants everyone in the state to email him pictures or wants pictures of the state.
“don’t diesel off electric” – He is using the dialectal “don’t diesel off” which obviously means “do not use car” and the addition of “electric” simply means he does not want people to use electric cars.
“Ladies of relaxing” – He is looking for a prostitute.
“a on help time” – His teacher gave him a gold star for helping pass out the paste and not eating any this time.
“does a email” – He sent an email. He is very proud that after 3 years of lessons, he finally learned how to use email.
“that Navy official Community Beat” – The Admiral’s team won the basketball game against the local kidergarten team.
“a powered financial on The Crisis the Crisis” – His electric bill was much higher than he thought it would be this month and he’s not sure he can pay it since the button factory reduced his hours.
“100 great themselves 100 Russian World” – He will teach 100 Russian words in exchange for $100.
See, if you break it down, it makes complete sense.
“I will not miss my sanity.”
Your sacrifice for the YSAC readership is appreciated. My sanity is retained only on the end of a long, thin, very frayed string.
you still have some Lola?
I’m petty sure I lost mine a long while ago, although I still have the box around here somewhere.
Lola – Are you sure it’s a good idea to mention string with so many cats around? Personally, I am still looking for the outside of the asylum.
Considering the sneezing I’ve been doing lately, it would not be surprising if the string broke and my own cat had batted it under something. I have not checked lately.
My sanity was sadly missing long before I joined here, but it makes me feel like I fit right in!
Kelli, your breakdown makes much more sense than mine. Win!
That’s perfectly clear to me. The only thing I don’t understand is, why a duck?
why a duck what?
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/56663/detail/
The duck comes in about 3:30.
Vy not a chicken?
(I think that’s one of the answers, anyway)
I just love that drmk knows what a blue-footed boobie is. 😀
(This post made by dan, though I suspect drmk is also in the know, booby-wise)
Booby-Wise would be a good name for a folk rock band. 8)
Maybe he googled it, and it was the first thing that popped up?
*Is scared of trying*
Google always gives me half naked women when I google something. I spent ages sorting through pics of them when I was trying to find a pic of a first price medallion..
Maybe if you adjust the filter settings on the image search? I have it set on moderate filter at work, but no filter at home. That seems to help.
There is a photo circulating around the ‘net of a nun in her 80s working with a computer, hand on the mouse, expression of intense wonder and pleasure on her face, and the tip of her tongue sticking out like a little kid learning to tie her shoes.
To this day I do not know what possessed me to try an image search with the terms [nun tongue].
Thank God I did not do that in the office. 🙁
I actually [i]look[/i] for naked people a fair bit using Google and was really frustrated by the process until I noticed my safesearch was on. 😀
There was a great book I had as a kid that starred a Blue-Footed Boobie…I brought it to school one day for show-and-tell and there was no end to the giggling. I had no idea what was so funny >_>
So the idea here is just to scan through this random selection of words until you find 2 or 3 that could make your band name?
How much are they charging for this……err…..service?
I choose “Community Beat”, my band could all dress as cops and have handlebar moustaches. Would have a bit of a Village People feel but I reckon they are due for return to awesomeville anyway.
I suggest “State don’t diesel off electric Ladies” as your first song.
It could be about how all the rumours about the state making diesel of ladies in electric wheelchairs are unconfirmed and not to be believed
(to the tune of ‘in the navy’ by the Village people):
Diesel ladies,
with electric wheelchairs,
Diesel ladies,
they fabricated your despairs,
Diesel ladies,
State distilling you’s a lie,
Diesel ladies, Diesel ladies……
nice one Mrphsic
Why thank you – keep a look out for our video on youtube. It promises to be both politically correct AND homoerotic.
erm, is that possible?
Maybe once again homoeroticism is promising more than it can deliver….
(to band)
“OK guys you’re gonna have to shave off the moustaches and lose the costumes…..don’t pull that face…..look it’s an easy choice between PC and PVC….besides, I don’t want to be banished from all future Republican party conventions….chop chop.”
When Alan Ginsberg does it, it’s a work of brilliance.
…angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night…
But, when some imbecile does it in a Craigslist ad, everybody acts like he’s crazy.
…Peyote solidites of halls, backyard green tree cemetery dawns, wine drunkeness over the rooftops, storefront boroughs of teahead joyride neon blinking traffic light, sun and moon and tree vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brooklyn, ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind…
ok. i get it. how many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
rubber band!
yeah. it makes sense now.
it does?
maybe I need another drink then…..
It’s all zen. That’s it.
This is the sound of my one finger clapping. *makes negative gesture*
I just finished moving from Pensacola, FL to Rockford, IL. November is a great time to go from FL to IL. Anyway, it’s late in the day and all the good comments are already taken.
Since I was in the Navy and served aboard a nuclear powered aircraft carrier, you might think I would have some insight into this ad. You would be wrong. It reminds me of a song parody I wrote for the band I was in back then (which wasn’t quite as good as The Hypno-Dogs, and only slightly less fictional).
sung to the tune of Working Man by Rush
I get up at five o’clock and I go to work at six.
I got no time for living ’cause I’m trapped aboard this ship.
Seems to me that I’ll live my life much better when I’m off this can.
I guess that’s why they call me, they call me the Sailing Man.
Yeah, they call me the Sailing Man. I guess that’s what I am.
I get off at six PM and I go and take myself an ice cold shower.
Always seem to be wondering what they do with all that nuclear power.
I don’t remember the rest
Why why why would you move from Florida to Illinois? I mean Florida is no Eden, but Illinois? *vomitrocious*
A job, of course. Bills to pay, mouths to feed.
In Soviet Russia, mouths feed you!
No, wait. That’s in an eagle’s nest, and only if you’re an eaglet. I was confused again.
I wouldn’t worry Isaac, I’m confused most of the time
Ahhh I thought relocation was the primary motive…I could understand moving to Iqaluit if it meant a job in these times.
I wonder if an eagle would feed a small human if you put it in its nest?
So, did you ever find out what they did with the nuclear power?
Я получил ваше сообщение. Нашвилл нет цели. Лама красивейш. Страус умирает на полночи.
Darn it – I was going to say that.
In Soviet Russia, цели нет Нашвилл !
(Actually, that’s a damn clever post, “Yuri.”)
Спасибо, собака американского капитализма.
за ваше здоровье!
*Where’s my Grey Goose?*
Ты такая восхитительная… Я принесу водку на нашу свадьбу.
Yes – poor ostrich – look out Dan!
Yay, you picked my submission!
This caught my eye because of the mentioning of Russians. It just so happens my parents named me what they did to obtain the name Pruss short for Prussian. ^_^
The more you know.
Honestly, this strikes as the exact BS spammers/scammers write, but usually in white text on a white background in a legit looking ad. Either way, this ad, spammers & scammers all have one thing in common – the average 2 year old is smarter.
The bologna is in the fridge, the pastrami is recyclable