YSaC, Vol. 487: Gooooooaaal!
2009 November 16
Basketball Goal
FREE basketball goal. So there is no confusion…this is for the goal only! YOU need to purchase a backboard, rim, and net!!
So, you’re giving away a pole, then? Let me guess — is it also buried in about three feet of cement by the side of your driveway, and in order to acquire said pole I will have to remove it myself?
I thought so.
Let’s see … what creative uses can this group think of for a basketball “goal” without a backboard, rim, or net? The boys in the neighborhood I grew up in certainly had a clever use for one — they used to tie me to it and leave me there. (Ah, youth … )
I can’t remember who sent me this one — I apologize!
You’ve got it all wrong drmk. The goal in basketball is to win. I think what this guy is saying is that he will coach your basketball team as long as you provide the hoop, net and backboard, and he’ll do it for free! This guy obviously just wants to help a team that has struck a losing streak.
Maybe he’ll couach the team for free. And I bet some cherrleaders would help them win, too!
Actually the pole is in their bedroom and I would suggest a thorough cleaning before use.
I think I speak for everyone when I say:
Eww.
Thanks for that image, Kelli.
The kids in my neighborhood would probably set up a sound system and charge money for the girls to learn how to pole dance. Could be the way to finance their college plans.
I think there is an unfortunate lack of Maypole celebrations these days. Perhaps somebody could revive a dying tradition?
Myself, I’d probably plant it in the middle of my yard & tell everyone it was an homage to the Freudian concept of the phallus- modern-art style. Especially if I lived in one of those stuffy deed-restricted communities. And my neighbor was an undersexed, prudish old lady who found offensive sexual innuendo in everything.
As it is, I live on a farm in South Dakota & out here, only the cows could be offended by such a thing. (And the bulls might be jealous).
Or it could be used for Festivus
It’s the must-have piece of equipment for the budding pole sitter.
I think they’re giving away two points, or maybe three if you’re standing behind the curved line*.
*Curved line not included.
I think more than a few folks will offer to yank that goal out of the ground and shove it…somewhere discreet.
“Whoso pulleth out this pole is by right of birth Sovereign Ruler.”
In Soviet Russia, Poles remove you!
No, wait; that’s in Warsaw, not in Russia.
In Soviet Russia, government overthrows* you!**
*May sometimes be defined as “airbrush from historical photos if necessary”
**”You” in this case meaning anyone thought to be counterrevolutionary
Goal yanking should never be done in public.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Well, he’s telling us that there is no confusion … and there can’t be – because he’s using CAPS and multiple exclamation points. So, what’s the problem?
Is the post itself REALLY considered the basketball goal? I’m thinking not. What if you had a backboard, rim, and net mounted on your garage, sans “goal”?
I’m pretty sure it’s not just a pole, but a pole with a weighted bottom that’s portable and will hold the pole up. My nextdoor neighbor kid has one of these that he shoots at all summer, except that his has a backboard, rim, and net, too.
Spoiled suburban urchin.
I think Suburban Urchin would make a great band name. Maybe an emo band.
Sad Suburban Urchin = even more emo
Sad Sewer Urchin = most emo of all
What about Suburban Decay Urchin?
I would have loved to have had a basketball hoop when I was coming up! We had to make due with my cousin Stringbean holding out his arms and crying, “Don’t hit my face!” Yup, kids are spoiled these days.
“Don’t Hit My Face” would be a pretty good emo band name.
You have to admit, it’s the perfect gift for the Zen basketball player.
Naturally, for he’s the player, the ball, and the goal. He doesn’t need no rim, hoop, or backboard!
Thanks for the chuckle, tacomagic. )
This could definitely come in handy. You could whip it out and wave it around to drive home your point every time you say “I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot pole.”
I was going to mention the obvious pole-dancing joke, but it looks like several someones have beaten me too it.
Ditto the ten foot pole joke.
You could wait until the middle of winter and act out your own version of the Christmas Story, where that boy licks the pole.
I TRIPLE dog dare you!
That was a breach of protocol, going straight for the triple-dog-dare.
What can I say…I never was one to follow protocol!
What kept you, sarajean? 8)
The kids in my neighbourhood would fly a rebel flag on it. Oh, the South…
In my neighborhood some passing stylite would leap at the chance to have their very own Ten Foot Pole.
Notes:
1. I live in Jerusalem. It’s a cute sort of environment.
2. I have no idea what an emulator of St. Simeon Stylites should be called, so I’m going with stylite.
Extra Credit: There was a St. Simeon Stylites the Elder, a St. Simeon Stylites the Younger, and–stretching credibility–a St. Simeon Stylites III. Simeon didn’t let women up there. Huh?
Discuss.
Obviously one o’ dem Eye-macculate Misconceptions.
And use it to anchor a line of wash.
Thought I had heard the last of Polack jokes…………….
No, they have the pole, it’s the backboard, rim, and net that they lack.
I’m imagining a soccer goalie standing, arms crossed and a smug expression, in front of a pole with backboard, hoop, and net, thinking “Let’s see if that little bitch Beckham can score now. Bend it, my ass.”
Personally I think this is a brilliant way to get things done. I have decided to post a new Craigslist ad:
FREE Rubber Tire. So there is no confusion…this tire is flat. YOU will need to remove it from the vehicle and replace it with an inflated one!!!
I wanna try that!
FREE clothes hamper. So there is no confusion…this is for the hamper only! YOU need to purchase clean clothes in my size to fill it, and then leave it on my steps!!
Dude! Free old refrigerator food. So there is no confusion . . .You have to take the green lumpy things and the white slimy things in the Tupperware and leave the clean fridge behind.
HEY! You WILL take that basketball goal and you will LIKE it Mister! There are starving kids in China who would LOVE to have your basketball goal, with or without the backboard, net and rim!
Don’t make me touch you with a ten foot pole…
“I can’t remember who sent me this one — I apologize!”
That was me, I’m pretty sure! It looks familiar.
So there’s no further confusion, this goal has no “L,” “O,” “A,” or “G.”
And also no sense.
Talk amongst yourselves, I’ll give you a topic. This basketball goal has neither a backboard, rim, nor net. Discuss.
I reject your topic and substitute my own! Now, are lobsters just giant sea-bugs? If so, why shouldn’t we eat cockroaches? And how does this relate to Graham’s basketball goal without parts?
I don’t eat lobster or crab for that very reason.
I haven’t eaten it since my cousins put on a fancy-pants thanksgiving dinner and everyone had their own lobster. I got one with green bile inside its thoracic cavity (or whatever it is in crustaceans…). It smelled like vomit.
I’ve eaten mealworms, ants, scorpions, and silkworms before. Do they count?
I’ve never had lobster so I can’t compare the tastes.
I don’t like crab, it smells and tastes weird to me.
Mealworms and scorpions are delicious! Fried mealies with seasoning = amazing. I’m going to be forcing my entomology class to eat some when I give my entomophagy presentation. I haven’t had ants or silkworms, but I can’t imagine ants (besides the Big-Butted Ant of Australia) have much flavor.
The ants were mixed in with jello as “Ants in Amber”, not bad, a little tart and crunchy. You have to get a bunch to taste anything. The NC Museum of Natural Sciences has what they call BugFest every year, including a free buffet of insect dishes, usually prepared by a local chef. The scorpion alfredo was really good last year. I had several of the silkworm chocolate chip cookies, they had a very nice almost nutty flavor. There was also the added benefit of grossing out my then 11 year old nephew, who I did not think COULD be grossed out. I guess seeing your aunt picking insect carapace out of her teeth does the trick.
I’m not a huge fan of shellfish, though I do like lobster. The green stuff is gross, though, arallyn, and they all have that; it’s called “the tamale,” though I call it inedible (others don’t). And the lobster has to be at least a pound – anything smaller definitely looks like ocean bugs to me (shrimp? fugghedaboudit). Strangely, despite size, I’m not a fan of crab. Not even fake crab. And forget anything that’s an actual bug. Objectively I can understand they have protein and are nutritious and … writing this makes me gag.
That said, I love oysters on the half shell, and ate sushi for the first time today. I have kept it down so far.
None of these preferences are rational.
You people are missing the ENTIRE POINT OF SEAFOOD. The point isn’t that crab or lobster tastes good, the point is: you can eat it with as much butter as you can possibly dream of, and no one will say a word!!!
Does it come with a basketball?
Again…don’t make me bean you with this ten-foot pole…
I want to try more insect dishes, like a lot of the things they eat in Thailand. Some of them, though, just gross me out…silkworm pupae in brine makes me retch just thinking about it.
I still hate those damn sea-bug lobsters, though.
They had tarantula kabobs, but that’s where I draw the line. Those hairly legs, all shriveled up and curled underneath…
*shudders*
I see nothing wrong with eating insects, a lot of the world’s population derives protein from insects. It’s only in the “civilized” world that we partially ignore this resource.
Anyone wanting some scary reading should check out the US FDA regulations on how many insect eggs, bits of insects, and rodent hairs and feces are allowed in canned and prepared foods. You should get a copy to show your students,arallyn.
I’ve read somewhere the average person eats a pound of insects every year.
If lobsters are anything like crawfish…yuck. And weird looking.
Yeah, I found those regulations a couple weeks ago! Insects are the only protein source that has minimal impact on the environment, even when farmed. Better than soy, better than vertebrate meat. No one wants to start a giant snail farm with me, though 🙁
That would be hard to sell; most farmers and gardeners are trying to kill snails, not raise them.
How big do these giant snails get? Could I have a snail steak one day in the not to distant future?
Psh, African Giant Land Snails want nothing to do with our crops. They get on best with things like corn husks for their diet.
I cant imagine their texture to be anything pleasant, though. It looks a lot like…I dont know but it looks rubbery. Or slimy. I have no idea how to prepare them. I just know that Nigerians have started using them as a primary protein source.
You should pitch the idea to McDonalds. I can see it now, all over the world people would be ordering Snail McNuggets.
Oooh that’s the best idea I’ve heard today! Snail seems like the weird kind of meat that gets tougher as you cook it…but that wont be a problem for McD’s! No sir, just inject that sucker right up with tenderizer and you’re good to go!
Just think of the marketing possibilities!
Little snail shaped containers, with a place to put the sauce where the head would be.
And the Happy Meals…maybe not. My nieces won’t eat regular nuggets, they would probably go on a hunger strike if someone gave them Snail McNuggets. Then again, one of them will eat salsa with a spoon.
(snails aren’t insects)
Yeah, but who uses the word “gastropod” in their day to day vocabulary?
Well duh, of course they aren’t, but they’re invertebrate and largely unpleasant to deal with. And they’re considered a subject in entomophagy. Maybe not entomology proper, but where the hell else are you going categorize snail meat? The other-other-other-white (grey?) meat?
“Snail, the other slimy meat”
You can’t just classify them with the other mollusks, like octopus and calamari?
Talk to the French, they eat snails regularily and serve them as a delicacy with special pottery serving dishes and instruments for getting the juicy bits out of the shells. I have eaten snails (small ones) at some celebration once in rural France. I didn’t enjoy them – like tiny pieces of rubber band in oil and garlic.
http://www.ffcook.com/pages/frenchfrogs.htm#snails
Lobster on the other hand … mmmm…..* drools*
“Chacun à son goût” as they say.
Jousting at the local Renfaire ftw?
The SCA folk would be all over you for not being period accurate.
Yeah, but you could slam dunk over them.
FREE rights to best selling novel. So there is no confusion…..this is for the blank paper only! YOU need to supply the ink, words and storyline.
FREE Lamborghini. So there is no confusion….this is for the tyres only! YOU need to supply the engine, bodywork and petrol.
FREE starring role in Hollywood Sci-Fi Blockbuster. So there is no confusion….this is for the concept only! YOU need to supply the scripts, locations, funding and filmcrew.
Does the movie have to be Titanic or just about water?
FREE advice on how to plan your movie. So there is no confusion….this is for me writing pointless comments only (but I DO get a mention in your Oscars acceptance speech right?)! YOU need to supply the answers to your creative questions.
FREE annoyance to people on YSaC. So there is no confusion…this is for the idea of repeating the same joke ad nauseum only! YOU need to supply the best band names, Soviet Russia jokes and grammar corrections.
Suburban Urchins and the Hypno-Dogs
Should that be Suburban Urchin_ and the Hypno-Dogs?
The former is a film title; the latter, a band name.
In Soviet Russia, ironic comments compose Mr Physic!
FREE annoyance — that would make a great band name.
In Soviet Russia, bands name you!
In Soviet Russia, grammar corrects band names ad nauseum.
It makes me wonder how he arrived at this place in life with only the goal to offer. Did someone steal the backboard, rim and net? Is he putting them all on CL separately? Did he get tired of this goal and end up getting a new one so he had no more use for this one?
It makes me think about some poor high school student whose guidance counselor always tells him, “It’s good to have a goal. Do you have a goal?”
By the way – after reading the posts about the green bile in the lobster, I am officially never going to eat lobster again! Ha!
It’s just in time for Festivus, I suppose…