YSaC, Vol. 473: He Roller Coaster…
$250 sober GWM looking for housemate
44 yr old GWM looking for housemate.House is big and on ocean.Looking for help walking the dogs, rent is neg.Must be Paul
Must be Paul, eh?
Well, let’s see if we can’t consider some possible roommates for this guy. The obvious, of course, would be Sir Paul McCartney. He is the cute one, after all. And he does love dogs, although it doesn’t specify whether any of them are sheepdogs. (Or bulldogs) (Or Hey Bulldogs)
But that’s too easy. What about economist Paul Krugman of the New York Times? Probably not. With all that Nobel prize money, he can probably afford more than neg. rent.
Ron Paul, perhaps? He’s probably looking for someone to talk to right about now, since his next futile run for the presidency isn’t due to kick off for another two or three weeks. And his district is on ocean. But we have no way of knowing if it’s the RIGHT ocean.
Actually, I think I have it:
That bow tie is adorable. Pity he’s not currently alive.
Thanks for the post, Megan!
I like the idea of negative rent—I’m hoping it’s in the thousands, because I could use the money—but I’m a little leery about living on ocean.
What if I get seasick? What if the house is boarded by pirates?
I was thinking Paul Bunyon would be perfect. Sure he might take up a bit more room than other Pauls but when he walks a dog, it stays walked. Another plus is if the house starts to float away on the ocean it’s on, he could just pick it up and put it back where you like.
Hm… I’m thinking Ru Paul is more likely.
I can buy this guy for $250? If he posts an ad that sells himself on CL does it count as human trafficking.
That’s what I thought, especially with the GWM in the listing.
Maybe I’ll send this GWM the email address of everyone I know who is named Paul and he can contact them all. I’m sure he’ll find someone in the group who wants to live on the ocean and pay negative rent.
See, he’s not looking for a roommate, he’s looking for a mate for his house! The house is big and lonely on ocean. This is a very touching attempt to make his house happy. Awwwww.
Guys… C’mon. It;s obvious it must be Mrs. Paul and her delicious fish sticks! Hello? On Ocean?
How many alcoholics do you have to encounter (or how much of a previous drunk do you have to be?) before you specify that you’re “sober” on Craigslist?
I’m also afraid of just how many dogs this guy has that he’s willing to negotiate rent in exchange for help walking them.
In general when I see someone referring to themselves as “sober” online or in person it means they were messes at some point in their lives. That would explain the negative rent.
I’m not seeing the appeal of paying 250 each month (week?) to walk his dogs. Good thing my name isn’t Paul.
Yes, he’s obviously a former alcoholic. I’m sure he doesn’t go around telling just anyone he’s sober, though. He probably just doesn’t want to share his house with some giant party monster who’ll tempt him to jump off the wagon.
I’m betting the last part of the ad was meant to say “must be a non-drinker. Signed, Paul” but he got distracted and hit send too early.
Paul: Hi, I saw your ad on Craigslist, and wondered about this negative rent thing.
Poster: Paul! My dawg. Haha, if you’re my dawg why don’t you walk yourself. Nah, just kiddin’ *hic*
Paul: Um, are you drunk? It clearly states in your ad that you’re sober.
Poster: Oh, yeah, totally! I was sober THEN. Haha. Wanna make out?
I think he was drunk when he wrote this Fraulein, because I can’t figure out WTF Paul is supposed to mean. That transcends a typo and enters pissing drunk territory.
Any way you look at this, it’s a great deal. $250 (negotiable) for living in a big house on the ocean in exchange for walking dogs? I’ve got to go now and recheck the name on my birth certificate…
Good thing the house is big! There aren’t many ways you could walk dogs on the ocean otherwise!
Must be Paul…but I thought Paul was dead?
Isn’t “Must be Paul” the name of a band?
If it isn’t, it should be.
Makes me think of the ancient Internet goodie “Dancing Paul”.
I wonder if that’s still around..
YES!
http://www.dancingpaul.com/
This is like the internet equivalent of…I dunno, something really old and famous and forgotten because it’s all kinds of stupid and yet still retains an aura of having once been cool and unique…
What is like that?
I would suggest “the internet equivalent of a Pet Rock”
I think Hamster Dance is like that too.
Sadly, I still enjoy Hamster Dance so much I have to go and watch it every once in a while. I also enjoy making fun of people who spell “hamster” as “hampster” like it’s some sort of mutant rodent whose mom was a hamster and dad was a hamper.
I was a Hampster in the 70s. But now that I have a family I’ve had to leave that wild life behind me. You wake up one morning, covered in a pile of dirty cloths and have to ask yourself, “What am I doing with my life?”
Madonna.
It’s always good to know what one wants and to be specific about what one asks for, but I tend to think this is a little overdone.
Besides, I know a Paul, and I wouldn’t have him as a housemate even if he paid me.
I can’t help but wonder what the actual translation of this one would be. I can’t come up with anything.
Perhaps he would prefer a dead room mate with a cute bow tie. That expands the list of Pauls to choose from. If the house is on the ocean, perhaps we should reconsider what GWM means. Great White Mate? He is obviously looking for a gay Great White Shark named Paul. I have now figured out what he really wants, but how many gay Great White Sharks surf Craig’s List? One at least I guess. His Paul is out there, ready to be charmed by his lack of spaces after his periods. And its much more likely that his Paul will eat the dogs.
I seem to remember in the film “Kiss me, Guido” that GWM was (incorrectly) interpreted as “Guy With Money.” Even if the rent is negotiable, advertising for a Guy With Money is probably smart, otherwise who knows what kind of people (guys not named Paul, women not named Paul, etc.) with no money will respond.
I like it better as something I just thought up, as an alternative to your solutions-
“Great White Male”.
Is that who you are Igor? Or what you aspire to be?
Well judging by your avatars I was thinking:
Lola – Gorgeous White Models
Igor – Glows Whilst Mentioning
I saw one of those washed up on a beach here in Florida a few months ago.
I am curious. Does this poster think CL charges by the word for an ad? Or is he that desperate for a dog walker that his screening criteria is so small?
Loneliness does strange things to people – Paul or no Paul.
You know with the whole ocean thing, I think it’s a metaphore describing the last name of his target Paul.
He’s obvioulsy looking for Pauly Shore.
*Bu-dum Ching*
Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week.
Maybe he meant “Must be a Paul”? As in, has to be a guy?
“Yeah, hi, I’m here about the ad you posted on Craigslist?”
“Whoa, wait… are you a Paul? I have to check that, you know…”
Oh dear :\
I think he is hoping for Paul Stookey, because he wants someone to help him puff the magic dragon. (Lived by the sea, right?)
A new innuendo has been born.
And another childhood classic ruined. I will never be able to get through that song without giggling again.
I’m wondering if this is someone’s creative attempt at a CL Missed Connection. He met some guy who was walking his dog and they chatted about how the guy was having a difficult time paying rent. And his name was Paul.
Seriously, how many dogs does this guy have that walking them is enough of an issue that he is compelled to mention it in an ad for a housemate?
I’m guessing this is that “small pervy guitar amp” looking for his Les Paul (or Gibson Ephiphone w/e…).
I’d walk his dogs for $250 (or neg.?) to live at the beach(unless that’s code for something else that has to do with his feet and unless the beach he’s referring to is on the Love Canal).
On second thought, this ad is way too sketchy and I’m definitely not a Paul.
With the blond hair and the peace sign, your avatar does remind me a little of Mary, which is one degree of separation from Paul Stookey… 🙂
But, alas, Mary recently left on a jet plane didn’t she?
And here I thought Peter, Paul and Mary were New Testament references…
Hey! I actually came from a guitar picker by the name of Paul Les. He hated rock and roll.
In Soviet Russia, dog walks you. (for Igor)
In Soviet Russia, Ocean is on House!
-Stumbles around happily-
I forgot my medication this morning, and I’m in a room filled with candy!
I think I might DIE of ADD, but thank you guys!
In Soviet Russia, your medication forgets you!
Aren’t we all a little bit Paul?
I don’t know about you but I’m fairly certain I am not at all Paul….
I’m a little bit rock n’ roll, myself.
I once got in touch with my inner Paul. I’m now on my second decade of psychiatric evaluation.
After further reflection, I’ve remembered that the Walrus is Paul. I’d need psychiatric help, too, if I were to ever get in touch with my inner walrus. (Now that I think of it, walrus(es) live in the ocean or on the ocean or something–I think I’m on to something.)
koo koo kachoo…
No inner walrus here – I am the egg man.
I buried Paul.
Cranberry sauce.
if you are the walrus…are you in need of a bukkit?
Crabbuckit!
Yeah, I’m late to the party, but was just trying to catch up on old posts. Look at my crabs!
I’m a little bit Ringo, alas.
Got to be good looking cause he’s so hard to see….but have you got feet (dogs—as in “walk my dogs”!) down below your knees?
Alas for sure.
And has he got walrus gumboot?
Wouldn’t it be rather hard for this Paul fellow to walk the dogs if the house is on the ocean? It sounds like a boat ride would be needed, and that’s just a hassle, he should either demand more than $250 for the effort or see about negotiating a swim time.
I would set him up with Paul Simon, but is it a disqualification if you can call him Al?
Woohoo, great minds think alike!
Part of me feels the need to defend the poor Paul-loving soul. I went through a Joe-loving phase myself! Maybe they have good luck with Pauls! One may never know.
He must have meant rent is *a* negative, meaning there is none. Right? That would make sense.
The other part of me says its not worth it and he’s a loony tune.
Maybe the albedo of the ocean makes his house too bright, and what he’s actually looking for is a “pall.” You know, something along the lines of a nice fog or mist.
Could be the house is spinning, and it needs a “pawl.”
Hmm, “Poul” passed back in ’01 . . .
“$250 sober”
…But I cost more when drunk
“House is big”
…But jungle is massive
“rent is neg.”
…But a roof over your head is a pos.
“Must be Paul”
…But I secretly crave D!ck
Shades of psycho middle-aged homosexual, bitterly lamenting his lost Paul and exploring Atlantis with his loyal canine companions.
it is the other paul simon, rhymin’ simon. and lets hope he knows 51 ways to leave his roommate.
Oh no! I just married a Paul. I hope he’s not the one this person is looking for!
Hey, me too!
Now I’m slightly concerned…
Bigamy alert!
If the ad poster finds an Italian Paul (Paulo?) and the roommates encounter a thick fog rolling off the ocean, Paul would exclaim, “That’s a big-a mist!”
In Soviet Russia, terrible puns make you!
I would be more concerned, but I work with him and live with him. It would be hard for him to be married to two people 😛
Must Be Paul is my They Might Be Giants/Paul McCartney & Wings mash-up band.
Nearly three years later, I sure wonder how Paul is getting on with GWM. Did he teach the dogs to swim so there would be more variety than just walking? Did he adopt a cat? SO many questions, I will just have to make up the answers.
Here are your answers.
1. No, they already knew the dog paddle. (The dog paddle is not what you use on naughty puppies.)
2. No, he bought one at a pet store.
3. Four pontoons and eight large pieces of styrofoam.
4. Ther is a sign on the roof that says, “WE ARE NOT FLOOD VICTIMS!”
5. Because they keep accusing him of letting the dogs poop in the same water as fish swim.
6. Only on the weekends.
7. Only of the “sand” variety.
8. Bananas and mustard. (Sometimes peanut butter and okra.)
9. Nerf toys, because they float.
10. Water wings do not give you the ability to fly.
We await your other eight questions.
Uh. Okay.
3. What caused Roe vs. Wade?
4. How do you find Greenland?
5. Why did Paul burn down the neighborhood?
6. I hear GWM can’t be bought, but he can be rented, is this true?
7. Do the dogs have fleas?
8. What does the house smell like?
9. What didn’t the dogs want to retrieve?
10. What sad truth did Paul learn at the end of his stay in the house on ocean?
That is uncanny, those are the same questions I was thinking you would ask. Except for number 3 was about the great fishing controversy, row vs. wade.
I imagine that walking dogs would be difficult if you lived on the ocean. I would want help with that. First, there is putting on the floatation booties. If you have dogs, then you know how difficult it is to put stuff on their feet. Then there is inflating those booties once you get them on. If the dogs are really active and like to run, then you have to worry about them throwing a bootie. That would make them tumble and unable to right themselves. You need to pull them in quickly which would be hard if it was a large dog. This might happen more often on rough waters as during a storm. Then there is the problems of activists accusing you of using dogs as live bait.
Hey, I have an idea. Just walk them indoors.
This is clearly why he’s looking for Paul Sand.
But think of the arm strength you’ll develop rowing yourself and the dogs to shore every day!
I find it hard to believe this is a Sober GWM. I’m not sure what it is, but I was reading GWM as Great White Manatee. Since manatees are considered docile and friendly, I am assuming the grass diet is responsible…and explains the ocean home.
Geezer Wearing Mittens?
German Waltzing Muskrat?
Green Worm Manure?
Genital Wart Medicine?
Goat Washing Machine?
Gelatinous Wiggly Monster?
Good With Monkeys?
George W. Mush?
Guy With Muscles, or since we’re so close to shore, Guy With Mussels.
It’s gotta be Gay White Male. I just can’t think of another legitimate thing it could mean. Plenty of silly things, however.
Lizzi, you are an attitude away from being a corey! Congratulations!
DAFT and LL, hope you enjoyed your day in the box. Sorry about the monkey poo, we can’t get the cleaning crew to come in on the weekends. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Gelatinous Wiggly Monster!