YSaC, Vol. 456: Imaginary Landscapes – $10
$10 FOR RANDOM ITEMS!! NEED GONE!
RANDOM ITEMS MUST SELL TOGETHER.JUST TAKE IT!!! TIRED OF SEEING IT.. WHAT U DO WITH IT DONT CARE CAN RESALE OR USE IT..
SELLING FOR $10CASH
FIRM
SMOKE FREE PET FREE HOME
CASH ONLY
Ah, yes, random items. Clearly these folks have a yen for the stochastic. They are going to put all their items in a room, and then roll dice, or better yet, toss the I Ching to determine which items are to be sold together.
But wait… this can’t be random. They keep using the word “It”. They are tired of seeing “it.” They don’t care what you do with “it”. You can resale OR use “it.” So it’s random, but it’s also an “it.”
How to resolve this dilemma?
Clearly, this person has several different “it”s and needs to randomly determine which ones you take home for $10 bucks.
Thanks for the submission, Terrie!
The thing that got me was the word “firm”. Tell me, what is “it”, and why do we have to know that its “firm”? *is confused/slightly disturbed*
I think “FIRM” here is meant to be the opposite of “OBO.”
So, I guess… some sort of brass instrument, instead of a woodwind? Maybe a flugelhorn?
Better to have a firm it than a soft, squishy it. You wouldn’t want it to go bad after paying $10 for it.
That’s true. Especially if it were some kind of musical instrument.
Well, going to See Alice is supposed to cure having a squishy it…
That random assortment of “It’s” is pretty awesome! I’d have to sell that clown though as I can’t think of any reason to keep a murderous psycho clown around… Well no good reason anyway. 😉
Points for the Clara Bow picture. Squee!
I, too, am in awe of the It Collection (TM). Now that I’d buy, printed on nice paper suitable for framing, for $10. The Cousin Itt and Clara Bow are particularly nice, as is the retro movie poster.
But this random, not-even-worth-trying-to-describe-or-name crap that this person wants $10 for? Forget it. If you can’t be bothered to describe it, it can’t be worth anything at all. It’s called the garbage, dude. Throw it away.
This is so not random. It took me a minute – everything in those pictures relates to “it.” Even a reference to Cousin It is in there. Genius! I just can’t figure out the clown reference…
That’s the Steven King book (and movie) “It”
Darn it JcT, you beat me to that little nugget of useless info.
Oh, yes, they float, Georgie… they float. And when you’re down here with me… YOU FLOAT TOO!
Yup! And it took us rather a long time to find such a collection of “it”s. Though I got to educate Dan on the wonder of an It’s-It.
Well done.
Holy smokes, I’m a dope. I thought that those pictures where from the originl posting and that the ad writer was being very clever.
Now I know that the ad writer was your typical crazy CLer and that YSaC is still the clever-ist of them all!
Sorry – am I banned from YSAC? Should probably get at least probation.
Although, technically, it’s “Cousin Itt” in the original Addams.
*shivers* if he’s selling Pennywise, I feel sorry for anyone who answers the ad. And I hope they live really far away from me.
It would be worth it to give it the ten spot just to see which “IT” I’d git. I mean ‘get’.
Perhaps they’re trying to sell a computer tech person for $10.
Our IT guy would definitely be a sawbuck-bargain by [just barely] tippy-toeing into the realm of poolboy-esque man candy!
Although, the “tired of seeing IT” part makes me wonder if this Geek Squad member might not be so easy on the eyes.
However, he’s advertised to be “firm” as well as smoke stain and pet DNA free…
Decisions, decisions….
Hey now, do not objectify me. I will come over and reload Windows on your system for $10, but don’t get any other ideas, lady. No matter how “firm” I am. I’m there to work on the computer, even if you have a plate of brownies on your bed. When I talk about your “hard drive” I mean the computer! Hey hey, my eyes are UP HERE. Geez. I feel like a piece of meat!
But really now JcT, whenever this week would you have had the opportunity to utter those last two sentence had I not crossed over into the Objectification Realm?
I’ll let you do my Windows (I got Windex!) just don’t Vista me…
*wink wink*
Ooo, man-candy! I’ll take a piece of that. Unfortunately our IT guy didn’t tip-toe past Man-Candyland, he lumbered past in a tank of tacos fueled by Mountain Dew.
I think Mountain Dew is genetically required. Solid food consists of bagels and Skittles for our little IT monster. Cooked food is a “concept” as they use no stove before its time!
Talk about making it to Gloryland–aka The Big Rock Candy Mountain–in a sugar frenzy!
Our IT guys are mostly Asian, and really polite. Also, rather uniformly petite. Plus, I think they eat real food from time to time, so they’re kind of anomalous in that regard. They’re also refreshingly competent, which is a change from the last place I was at. (Example: Me: “So, after you finish running this program on my CPU, is it finally going to work or not?” IT guy: “Pretty much.” Me: “Er.” [Thinks: I just asked a yes or no question; “pretty much” does not give me an answer!] It turned out the real answer was No.)
Our IT guys here may be sweet, but not my style of Man-Candy.
I’m guilty of the “no stove” thing. I have a big toaster oven and a hot plate, but it’s just me so I don’t need to cook a lot. I do have an oven and a stove that’s built in, I put a board over the burners so I’d have a place to put the dish drainer. The oven is used for booze storage.
@sarajean,
Congrats, by that description you could live in NYC. Between commmuting and approximately 365,978,621 places from which one can get food, I don’t know that many people who cook on a regular basis (people with children, but I don’t suit that description). They mainly go into the kitchen to use the fridge and throw away the takeaway containers. You know, I never thought about storing booze in the stove, but then I do use it occasionally … for pizza, of course. The rest of the time it stores cooking pans that I don’t use often. I keep the booze in the freezer, because that’s how voddy is best anyway.
My freezer’s not really big enough.(Gee, that makes me sound like an alcoholic.) There’s room for a thing of ice cream,a few pizzas,cantelope popsicles, and my good bourbon. Got to have the essentials.
Aw, my fiance used to be the IT guy for my office! I consider him Man-Candy. 🙂 I will admit left to his own devices he’d subsist on fast food, Coke, and Hot Pockets, though.
I think that’s true for most men. Whenever my Mom is out of town, my Dad(59) will use exactly one cup, one plate, and one set of silverware. Anything left in the sink or dishwasher will still be there when she gets back.
Me: I’m calling about your ad.
Seller: Yes, I need it gone.
Me: Well, how random is it? I really want random stuff.
Seller: Totally Random, but must stay together.
Me: And I can resale or use it?
Seller: That’s it!
Pretty good offer for $10!
Trying to desperately get rid of it, but selling for $10 firm. I wonder if he also has a red table for sale to take for free.
So the “it” must be sold together, so perhaps a set of “it”? Aha, it’s firm so “it” has set.
It’s a six pack of Jello pudding cups?!?
Oh, but think of the splendid bonuses that you get with your random $10 “it”:
FIRM SMOKE (Perplex your neighbors with this paradoxical and oxymoronic wonder of modern chemistry!)
FREE PET (Budgerigar, iguana, or dachshund? It’s going to be random, but you won’t pay a penny!)
FREE HOME (Sure, it was on “Lovely Listings” last week, but the price can’t be beat!)
Act now! Supplies of “it” are limited! Operators standing by!
Clearly they are selling a smoke free pet’s tree (clearly that’s a typo) home designed by someone named Random for ten dollars. Good to know the monkey finally quit.
I think you are being too trusting in assuming it comes with *good* stuff.
Clearly (or unclearly), the firm smoke is large enough to be a nuisance, which would mean it takes up valuable air space in your home. You can’t walk through it, so you would have to crawl under it. On the plus side, it would probably make a fun obstacle course for your new pet.
As for the pet, it is probably something awful, like a Komodo dragon. Even if you didn’t mind the vast amounts of carrion you would have to supply, clearly this dragon is unhealthy, since it is now exhaling firm smoke. That kind of thing can get you some pretty high vet bills.
Free home – you’re probably dead on, there. The Komodo dragon is probably the reason it was on Lovely Listings in the first place.
I don’t think komodo dragons require carrion. Rumor has it that you can keep them happy with a steady stream of goats.
Y’know, the ad-writer could always put IT out on their curb and IT would probably disappear overnight. But then they wouldn’t get $10 for IT, would they?
It’s it!
What is it?
Its IT!
What is it?
You want IT all but you can’t have IT.
It’s in your face, but you can’t grab it
Now you’ve got me thinking of Zip, the What-Is-It.
That’s what I was going to write!!! All I could think of is that stupid song!
it’s log log log log
everyone wants a log!
it rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs…
and over your neighbor’s dog?
What’s great for a snack,
And fits on your back?
It’s log, log, log
It’s log, it’s log,
It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood.
It’s log, it’s log, it’s better than bad, it’s good
(from ren & stimpy)
This would be a great way to get my garage cleaned.
“RANDOM STUFF TAKE IT ALL FOR $10 FIRM.
MUST TAKE IT ALL AND SWEEP UP WHEN DONE.”
althou when when I first read this I thought the pet didn’t smoke and I would be getting a free home 🙁
I wonder if that would work in the chicken pen?
RANDOM FERTILIZER MUST SELL TOGETHER.JUST TAKE IT!!! TIRED OF SEEING IT.. WHAT U DO WITH IT DONT CARE CAN RESALE OR USE IT..BRING ME MONEY
MUST HAVE SHOVEL, BAGS
SELLING FOR $10 CASH
FIRM, BUT SOME MIGHT BE STILL SOFT
SMOKE FREE HOMELESS CHICKENS
CASH ONLY
Be careful when purchasing an undisclosed collection of “random” objects from a stranger. You may get these.
(Edited by drmk to make link work)
Hmm… “Random items” that are one item?
Head cheese or fruitcake? Or head cheese fruitcake?
“Just a little bit of it can bring you up or down
Like the supper it is cooking in your hometown
it is chicken, it is eggs,
it is in between your legs
it is walking on the moon
leaving your cocoon
[…]
it is here, it is now”
– excerpt from it from The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway by Genesis, 1974
Fruit headcheesecake. That’s it. Firm, several items that are also one thing, although … you couldn’t pay me to take it away, much less ask me to pay you $10 for it.
… Fruit headcheesecake …
*runs away to be ill*
Oh, and the clown is a dealbreaker. No matter how much I like Tim Curry…demon clowns just wouldn’t fit in with my decor.
[url=http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/f/faithnomore1479/epic68753.html]Faith No More[/url] has its own view on what this poster is selling.
What is it?
It’s it
What is it?
It’s it
I think that sums ‘it’ up, really.
Well, drat. I just bought a large quantity of it from Bric ‘n’ Brac ‘n’ Knick ‘n’ Knack ‘n’ Things, and now I see I could have gotten a better deal. Isn’t that always the way things work, though.
Is it cold? Yes. Is it set? Yes! Will it go with my decor? Uh, maybe.
I always thought the law prohibited selling “it”.
Unless you’re in Nevada.
Items include:
Matching tie and handkerchief set from the premiere of “The Pirates of Penzance” by Gilbert & Sullivan
Promotional breath mints from the premiere of “The Pirates of Penzance” by Gilbert & Sullivan
Matching tongue stud and cufflinks from the premiere of “The Pirates of Penzance” by Gilbert & Sullivan
A Tamagochi
Sixty cans of Tuna
K rations from the Korean War
W rations from World War III
A monograph from Dr. Timothy Leary about the CIA’s efforts to cover up and erase all traces of World War III
A monograph from Dr. Alfred Kinsey about the CIA’s efforts to cover up his shame.
The letter C.
A complete set box set of Laverne & Shirley on Betamax
Fifteen years of missing socks
A metric socket wrench
A metric for judging socket wrenches
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper
A map of Zimbabwe
A plastic folding chair
A plastic folding table
A plastic folding oven
The Mariner 9 space probe
William Shatner’s singing voice
Tickle Me Terminator
A George W. Bush commemorative gold-plated brush rake
John Kerry commemorative flip-flops
A meaningless howling void of nothingness
3D glasses to properly enjoy the meaningless howling void of nothingness
Enough Bazooka gum wrappers to redeem for an actual Bazooka.
Slinky
Hair of the Dog
Leash of the Dog
O. M. G. It’s a shame this is buried in a redux, because this is probably one of my favorite comments ever.
Am I the only one who thought of “It” from “A Wrinkle In Time”?
KEEP BOUNCING THAT BALL IN UNISON!
kelli, punchity punch punch!
good morning, Random House!