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YSaC, Vol. 444: Why don’t you come with me, little girl …

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drmk

in

Dryer ride – strange request – 55

I know this sounds like a strange request but I am looking for someone who owns a laundromat or works at a hotel and has access to a large commercial size clothes dryer. I am looking to take a ride inside the dryer. I am looking to spin inside the dryer for one minute. I used to do this in my younger years and I enjoyed it.

I am 55 and heavy set and as such am looking for a commercial size dryer.

If you have access to a dryer and interested let me know. I will gladly make it worth your time.

You know, the tag says it all on this one. I can’t help but imagine that this guy has the worst possible version of the Bad Idea Bears from Avenue Q in his head.

BIB: “You should get into that microwave. It’s nice and warm in there!”

Guy: “I’m not getting into the microwave. It’s small, and sticky, and I could die.”

BIB: “That makes us saaaaaaad.”

Guy: “Well, okay, maybe I’ll just get in for a minute.”

BIB: “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!” *beep beep beep START*

Thanks for the submission, Carli!

Comments

56 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 444: Why don’t you come with me, little girl …”

  1. Dotour Avatar
    Dotour

    Hmm, you would think he would stop and have a good long think after typing “I know this sounds like a strange request but.”

    When other people retire they take up knitting or buy big motorcycles or clear brush on their Crawford ranches. Actually come to think of it, this is beginning to sound like a kind of guy that I’d like to hang out with. Hold that thought while I warm up the dryer.

  2. B....... Avatar
    B…….

    CL assisted suicide?

  3. JittyBap Avatar
    JittyBap

    Poor guy 🙁 I hope he ends up okay. I always feel like a wierdo, but at least the things I do usually leave me with an intact spinal cord.

  4. Caro Avatar
    Caro

    If s/he is heavyset, would that make it more Bounce to the ounce?

  5. lost_compass Avatar
    lost_compass

    This reminds me – I’ve been meaning to tell everyone how much I loved the latest album from Bloody Lint Trap.

  6. Tara Avatar
    Tara

    Who says its a guy for sure? All I can picture is an overweight woman writing this for some odd reason…

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      Women generally have more sense than to climb into dryers and turn them on.

    2. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      When I saw the title, I pictured the sitting-on-the-dryer-to-have-an-orgasm urban myth and figured it had to be a woman.

      Once I read the post itself, though, I immediately pictured a guy. Probably because infantilism is overwhelmingly a male fetish and that’s what this whole “I’m desperate to feel like a kid again” thing reminds me of.

      How big do industrial dryers get, anyway? I thought the big steel ones at the laundromat were “industrial size” but I don’t think you could squish a fat 55 year old in there.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Industrial sized dryers, like those used by hospitals, prisons, and laundry or diaper services,can be the size of a large van and hold close to a ton of laundry. They also get much hotter than a home dryer and there have been numerous cases of people dying by being cooked alive, either by accident or trying to do what this idiot wanted to do.

  7. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    Wow, in the first place, that is a very odd THOUGHT to have. But to go ahead and type it up, proofread it, and then submit it to Craiglist… I don’t think it is too much of a stretch to use the word “nutcase” here, do you?

    What really bugs me is his trust of a stranger. What if he gets a laundromat owner who has always fantisized about killing someone by stuffing them in a dryer? The owner lets him climb in, he shuts the door, then he sets the dryer for two hours and leaves. He comes back in three hours and is “shocked” to find out what has happened!

    Good idea there, you old tub-o-lard.

    1. mudslicker Avatar
      mudslicker

      *muffled snicker* You said “old tub-o-lard”…!

      I wouldn’t doubt that this has already been done on an episode of Law and Order: SVU

      Makes me wonder however, does this guy (it has to be a previous frat guy) not have one single friend who can do this for him? I bet he secretly wants to be put into a morgue cooler too. Oh wait..if he does this stunt he can kill two birds with one stone! Brilliant! Darwin wins again!

      1. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        Strange you should say this. It was actually used on an episode of CSI. A kid died when he and his friend were playing in a dryer at a laundromat.

        I thought “Those are the two STUPIDEST kids EVER” when I saw it. “But at least its just tv. No one over 3 would even try to do this in real life”.

        I stand corrected.

  8. Ed Snyder Avatar
    Ed Snyder

    ***Paging Doctor Kevorkian to Appliances, stat!***

  9. Cled Avatar
    Cled

    I used to do this in my younger years and I enjoyed it.

    I think we have all the background we need right there. My anatomy and physiology classes were a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, and I don’t think we covered the effect of centrifugal force on the human brain. Can’t be good, I’m thinking.

    On the other hand, the good angel perched on my other shoulder is a bit upset at me for poking fun at a person who is patently unwell. It’s fun, but cheap. 🙁

    1. DanTM Avatar
      DanTM

      Is 50-odd years ago too late to report this guy’s parents to social services?

  10. wahnula Avatar
    wahnula

    I like the Steppenwolf reference…rock on!

  11. Meredith Avatar
    Meredith

    I hope they throw a pair of tennis shoes in there to keep them from getting unevenly lumpy.

    Now everytime I see an ad for one of those dryer balls or dryer freshner stick ons, I’m going to imagine this.

    “Freshens your clothes for up to four weeks…or one heavyset 55 year old for four hours!!!”

  12. MoxieHart Avatar
    MoxieHart

    How did this person survive childhood?

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      I was thinking the same thing. Kids have died of positional asphyxiation from trying to ride in clothes dryers (I think that was a plot on CSI once). How did this guy somehow survive to adulthood?

      1. frigglesnitz Avatar
        frigglesnitz

        As the youngest of 4, we used to play a game called “Sandwich” where the “meat” of the sandwich (usually me) would climb or be forced in between the mattress and the boxspring of our bed. Then one of the older children would alternately lift and drop the mattress, throwing in objects like the green blanket (lettuce), red round pillow (tomato), or flat green pillow (pickle) while the “meat” tried to climb out.

        I explained this game to a coworker once, and he exclaimed in his Southern drawl, “They weren’t playing with ya, honey, they was trying to kill y’all!”

        Now I’m amazed I lived to adulthood, too.

        1. MoxieHart Avatar
          MoxieHart

          That sounds kind of awesome and hilarious.
          I think the worst game we played when I was little was riding the laundry basket down the basement stairs. I’m a little amazed that I survived considering that the tumbles were pretty bad if you didn’t balance just right.

        2. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          I grew up surrounded by boys who were about four or five years older than me. We used to play games like, “Let’s lift drmk up and sit her on the basketball hoop and leave her there!” or “Let’s throw firecrackers at drmk!”

          No, I’m not traumatized … why do you ask? *twitch*

        3. Kogarashi Avatar
          Kogarashi

          Ah, when we played “Sandwich,” we just stacked on top of each other. As the oldest, I always had to be the bottom slice of bread, while the youngest got to be the top and everyone else were the fillings. Maybe that explains my claustrophobia….

      2. Miss C Avatar
        Miss C

        My dad and his brothers apparently used to play a game called “Ralphball,” wherein they tossed the youngest brother (significantly younger than the next youngest) around like a football. I’m surprised any of them lived to adulthood.

        1. Bridgete Avatar
          Bridgete

          I’m so glad I didn’t have siblings…

  13. Apex Avatar
    Apex

    I’m dizzy just thinking about it. Couldn’t s/he just go to one of those places where they’ll stuff you inside a big inflatable wheel and roll you down a hill instead?

  14. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Everyone is putting such a negative spin on this, we should add a little softener, if you get my drift. The tide will turn, and you might be whisked away to an ultra sun-filled whirlpool of joy. You’ll gain so much cheer it will all be worth it. Clorox.

    1. JcT Avatar
      JcT

      The Gag-reflex is strong in this one.

    2. queensbee Avatar
      queensbee

      i think you’re the winner of the pun-o-rama!
      why do i want to go fold my towels?

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Thank you, thank you. I’m here all week. Try the lamb, it’s delicious!

  15. Anne Lions Avatar
    Anne Lions

    If I remember correctly, there was a story in the news here, 2-3 years back or so, about middle school kids doing this in a particular laundromat. They found out about this because the dryers were dying like crazy, so they watched the security tapes and saw the kids going for a “spin”.

    If a 100-120lb teen can kill a dryer after a couple rides, I shudder to think what a “heavyset” 55 year old will do. I can’t see the owner of any commercial dryer jumping at the chance to let this guy break his machine.

  16. Rachel Avatar
    Rachel

    I love the bad idea bears!!!! It always makes me happy to see a good Avenue Q reference!!

  17. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    You know, I don’t even know what to say to this one. I can’t stop laughing long enough to think of a worthy response.

  18. kristen55 Avatar
    kristen55

    I think this is just someone looking for a payout for his retirement. He takes a ride, gets hurt enough to sue, the laundromat’s insurance pays out, jackpot! Why else would he be looking for someone to LET him do this? Wouldn’t he just sneak over to the laundromat with a friend and hop in for a minute?

    1. My Evil Twin Avatar
      My Evil Twin

      Wouldn’t that require a friend with enough functioning brain cells to be able to operate the dryer, but not enough to stop him (and help, besides)?

      Anyway, if he’s a full-grown (physically) “heavy set” adult, it doesn’t give him much room to bounce around in (assuming he would even fit), so I don’t think he’d get too banged up… Maybe heat stroke and some burns; but then, he could be an ASM (Appliance Sado-Masochist).
      He’s just looking for a new dryernatrix.

  19. Stephen Avatar
    Stephen

    This actually happened in Britain, not so long ago: see the “my website” link. In this case it was a fireman who was filmed riding in a dryer at the fire station, and he was suspended for his crime. As Anne Lions says above, a “heavyset” middle-aged man would probably break even a dryer that could digest a fireman.

  20. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
    Igor The Vigorous

    “I will gladly make it worth your time.”
    This is the part that makes me the most scared.
    I feel like I’m going to let in this chubby, aged man, have him ride in my dryer, rolling and spinning so ever.. far… in… Then he’ll get out and try to pay me with what? Sex? A peek at his man-boobs? A free glance at his broken spine?
    I am ever so frightened, YsaC, and yet again my faith in humanity has been dealt a crushing blow.

  21. Monty Python Avatar
    Monty Python

    I LOVE Avenue Q!

  22. Pug Avatar
    Pug

    I bet he/she comes out of the dryer wearing only one sock!

    1. 2Sly4You Avatar
      2Sly4You

      ::::giggle::::

  23. ??? Avatar
    ???

    I’m 55 years old and kind of heavy set,
    I spend my days at home getting soaking wet,
    But I haven’t found anyone that wants to spin me yet,
    Oh why, is it so hard to get dry?

    It sucks to be me!

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      For some reason, I hear those words set to a country music tune. You could have a hit on your hands here.

      1. Monty Python Avatar
        Monty Python

        This is my new favorite verse.

  24. Cyrus Avatar
    Cyrus

    When I was a kid I’d go outside and play Frisbee, or perhaps a well-intentioned game of “Messing with our neighbors.” Or you know, build a tree-house. We stayed away from the dryers. If he’s having a mid-life crisis then go buy a motorcycle or yacht…yeesh.

    I also feel like this is an alternative way to get free sex.

  25. BassBone Avatar
    BassBone

    I don’t know why, but this entry makes me sad. Some poor 55 year old person trying to recapture his/her youth by riding in a dryer? Can you imagine how lonely this person must be?

  26. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    We see so much on this site that includes oddity+poor spelling, etc., that to have a post with an odd request (so odd the poster admits to it in the title) + competent spelling/grammar/punctuation = a little cognitive dissonance, at least on my part.

  27. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    I think it’s part of an elaborate scheme for a fat old guy to lose a bit of weight (shrinkage in the dryer) and to firm up his wrinkles, whilst at the same time satisfying his household appliance arenaline habit.

    I was given a (terrible) present for Xmas last year of “anti-static balls” for my tumble dryer. Could be a good idea for him to use them. I’d hate to think of an old fat guy with static balls – the shock would be too much for me.

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      That kind of gift sounds like the sort one of my friends gets from her MIL. The woman gets points for trying but loses all of them for cluelessness/lack of consideration about what the recipient needs/likes/wants. (Her gifts to her own son are only nominally better.)
      Yes, I know it’s bad form to complain about gifts, but with these there’s such a WTF? factor that you can’t help mentioning them. If I got those for Christmas, I’d think “Does this person think my clothes are wet, wrinkly, and smelly?”

      For that matter, maybe the poster is chronically wet, wrinkly, and smelly, and wants a dryer to freshen up …

      1. Mrphysic Avatar
        Mrphysic

        I think I deserved an oscar for my performance upon opening the balls present – “oh WOW – I saw these in the shops yesterday and was soooo close to buying them. How did you know – were you stalking me?” etc.

        Weirdest present was last year though – I got a Buzz Lightyear lollipop holder (it spins chupa chups while you suck them) – I’m 30……but thanks mum.

        1. queensbee Avatar
          queensbee

          one year at christmas, my dearest friend gave me, and another close friend of hers a set of unbelievably ugly salt n pepper shakers. i said the obligatory – gee, interesting looking – they were green plastic, and shaped like a nose and a tongue – to represent taste buds. they were very odd to say the least. i put them up in a closet and hoped that i would figure out how to throw them out in a while. they were too weird for good will. the next year — i was RE-gifted by that other person who got the other set. she’s a notorious regifter, but must have forgotten that i had already gotten a set. i caught her at the regifting tho. i later actually found someone who collects odd salt n pepper shakers. so i got rid of em!
          maybe i should have put them in my dryer to melt em!

        2. sfaye Avatar
          sfaye

          Now I know what I’m asking for for Christmas! Where can I get a Buzz Lightyear chupa chup spinner?

  28. Tacomagic Avatar
    Tacomagic

    I think a new “Darwin Award in the making” tag is now called for.

  29. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    Somehow, I can’t think of anything to say that isn’t already implicit in the ad.

    Well, perhaps this.

    STOP SKIPPING YOUR MEDICATION!

  30. Jody Avatar
    Jody

    I used to work around industrial dryers…they use FIRE. Real, actual fire in a box on top of or under the machine.
    Bad idea is right!!!!!

  31. Sara Avatar
    Sara

    This was on 1000 ways to die!!! A guy accidentally got locked in one when he was cleaning it and it cooked him! There’s video footage! Freaky.

  32. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    Let me translate: gives a new definition of bounce buddy

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