YSaC, Vol. 428: Can’t sleep. Clowns will get me.
Here’s one that sits squarely in the “possibly awesome” category:
Clown for Kicks
I am looking for someone to dress up like a Clown and hang out with me. I would cook you diner – or we could BBQ something. I’m interested in making my neighbor lady wonder. I have already had a man in a panda costume last month – and also had a heard of sheep come in for the day to cut the grass. (sheep do a good job by the way). A clown would be something.
Maybe you could bring some balloons – or make balloon animals to hang in my tree. I’d like to have this done some evening between 6pm and dark. The longer you can stay the better (like if you could stay for the whole 3 hours). Do you have any tricks you could do?
Like I said – I could cook diner and get you drunk – I’d even be willing to pay your cab fare to and from. I don’t have much to offer – and my neighbor lady is driving me nuts – so I want to drive her nuts. If you had a Mime friend – it would be cool to see you two chase each other around the yard or do relay races while I time you.Let me know your thoughts – open to Men and Women Clowns.
I’ve had some annoying neighbors in my day, but nobody yet has warranted bringing in the heavy artillery of sheep and costume characters.
I once lived in a condo complex that had fairly strict regulations about holiday decorations; residents were only allowed to decorate two weeks before a holiday and one week after. To my amusement, nowhere in the condo bylaws did it say anything about those decorations having to be seasonally appropriate! My fantasy was to acquire a giant mechanical gopher, keep it on my porch year-round, and claim it was a holiday decoration for whatever random holiday was nearest.
The fatal flaw in that plan turned out to be the general unavailability of giant mechanical gophers. (That, and there are no random holidays in August.)
Thanks to Ashley and Alisa, who both sent this one in!
Terrifying. He wants to cook you an entire diner’s worth of food (I think that’s what it means), get you drunk, and have you stay until DARK*, all to make “the neighbor lady wonder.” Is this some sort of obscure mating ritual? Maybe he wants to “drive her nuts” with desire?
Because really, there are a lot of ways to get back at your neighbors that don’t involve clowns, sheep, BBQ and (*shudder*) mimes.
*For some reason, this is the part that frightens me most. Who knows what sort of shit this freak gets up to after dark?
Except he doesn’t specify how his neighbour is driving him nuts.
Maybe she has 100 trained chihuahuas dressed up as miscellaneous vegetables leaping over each other as they bark out the tune to “Always Look On the Bright Side of Life.”
Wow, that’s exactly what my neighbor is like! Except that the chihuahuas are mastiffs and they only bark in rap. But the veggies are dead on.
Maybe she has 100 trained chihuahuas dressed up as miscellaneous vegetables leaping over each other as they bark out the tune to “Always Look On the Bright Side of Life.”
That would be even more awesome than the clown idea! Maybe that’s what this guy could do for his encore.
That image made me laugh so hard I nearly ripped my eyes out. Thanks. 😛
I thought you didn’t post from the “Best of Craigslist”
I didn’t think it was there when I posted it — is it there now? Oops.
Edited to add: I usually work a couple of weeks in advance, so if it made Best of in between when I posted it and now, I clearly didn’t notice. If it was already in the Best of when I posted it, I clearly didn’t notice. Mea culpa. It’s still funny, and gave me a chance to talk about giant mechanical gophers.
Are you SURE? If I go down the street to Minuteman High School, I’ve got some friends who’d be willing to build that for you.
It’s supposed to sound like a joke, but I’m afraid it’s true. Strange?
Someone was driven nuts but I can almost guarantee it’s not the neighbor lady.
My husband just told me a disgusting story involving an annoying landlord he had when he was in his ’20s, her porch, and what he left on said porch. So, in context, this guy is actually kind of charming. I guess it’s all about context…
No holidays in August? My dear Web Boss, you neglect the glory that is S’mores Day (August 10th), International Left-Handers Day (August 13th) which is so important to our progress as a global community against handism, National Relaxation Day (August 15th), which I’m pretty sure President Bush was behind (him or The Dude), and Be an Angel Day (August 22nd).
(Thanks, Techsmith, for my obscure holidays calendar 2009!)
Pfft, I’m not celebrating Ned Flanders!
Clown for Kicks- here’s hoping there’s no literal kicking involved. Do we actually know what happened to the sheep? BBQ, anyone?
This is super creepy. And true, do we know what happened to the sheep? And in that same vein, do you know why cannibals don’t eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
This is what happened to the sheep:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was NOT that. Baa-studs, indeed!
Oh. My. Goodness. That is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen! I can’t even get my dog to come, they can get their dogs to do that with the sheep? I feel… well, sheepish.
You know, for someone who hasn’t seen the video, it would be easy to take those words out of context and wonder just what the dogs are doing with the sheep. (For the record, I’ve seen the video. I just have a dirty mind.)
That was baaaawwwesome!!!
When I saw the title of his listing, I thought he was one of those weirdos who likes to be kicked in the groin, and this particular weirdo wanted clowns to do it! I was dreading reading his perverted filth, and almost skipped it. But I trust drmk to not make me hurl, so I went ahead and checked it out.
So, it didn’t have as much impact with me as it would have. But I still shudder at the thought of a John Wayne Gacy (all clowns look like him to me) prancing around my yard with his mime friends!
New catch phrase:
drmk: Web Boss who won’t make you hurl!
So should I not post the dozens of ads I have lying around from guys who want nothing more than to be kicked in the groin by a willing female? ‘Cause seriously? I have LOTS of them.
New catch phrase:
drmk: Web Boss who hopefully won’t make you hurl!
I laughed and laughed when I read this.
I bet this is the start of some beautiful romance.
Damn I wish Craigslist did follow-up stories on their ads.
Yes, I bet he and the clown will hit it off wonderfully.
Makes me want to contact that guy just to hear all the stories about his neighbor! Only the weirdest, most annoying neighbor would warrant bringing in sheep, people in panda costumes, and clowns in order to get back at them. Bet this guy has a lot of awesome stories! Almost makes me want to rent a clown costume … almost.
Yeah, yeah….the guy just likes clowns A LOT and is making excuses to get a clown to his house to make him balloon animals, feed, get sloshed, and then watch him chase a mime around the yard. Admit it….we’ve all done it at one time or another….
guess i’m the only one who automatically wanted this guy to be my best friend …sounds like he has an awesome sense of humor
heres an article i found with some other funny CL ads … seems someone in the comment section is a YSACL fan. not sure if you saw this or not blog writer:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6157363/20-most-bizarre-Craigslist-adverts-of-all-time.html
Yup, I’ve seen that one.
I was thinking the same thing…”I would *so* hang out with this guy (horrible spelling aside).”
I thought this guy sounded like great fun. I love the idea of getting sheep to cut your lawn. Of course I have a annoying neighbor lady who I’d love to freak out a bit so this guy may inspire me.
You’re not the only one. I would love to meet this guy. He sounds like fun.
Here’s another one who thinks this guy sounds absolutely brilliant. This is the finest piece of psychological warfare I’ve heard about in a while. I’m not so enthusiastic about the clown (just because clowns creep me out), but the lawnmowing sheep and specially the guy in panda dress are masterpieces of weirdness.
What city was this posted in? I think he *is* my best friend.
I really want to know what happened with the clown. I am surprised he didn’t ask for a midget as well. Maybe a midget clown? It would be tempting to procure a clown costume and answer the ad, but then you would probably end up chained to a pipe in a baement bathroom.
If you really want to tick off the neighbors, get a flock of ducks and a chicken, a low fence, and don’t clip their wings so they can easily flap over the fence. Once your neighbors see you chasing domesticated fowl through the neighborhood while cursing loudly, they will wonder even more about your sanity. (For having such short legs, the dang things are FAST.Luckily they are also sort of stupid and seem to forget they can fly once they are over the fence.)
This person is awesome. At first i thought it was going to be some weird fetish thing, or drunks wanting midgets and weird entertainment (which we’ve seen a lot of). But trying to creep out a neighbor until they move, thats incredible! i would actively help if i could. I’m already surprised that he had access to a panda suit and sheep.
I hope it was Sexual Harassment Panda that visited last month
Being a fan of anime I was thinking of Ranma 1/2, but that reference is even better.
I’m glad others thought it was a creative way to creep out a neighbour. I would totally hang out with him, too, just to watch the neighbour lady and see how she reacted.
Totally hilarious. I love this guy, even if he smokes a bit too much.
Why is everyone assuming that this is a guy and not a woman trying to drive her neighbor batty?
Good point; I really hadn’t noticed until you mentioned it. Looking back over it, though, I think it is because “neighbour lady” seems to me to be something a woman would be less likely to write.
Nah, when I’m in a good mood, I refer to my female neighbor as “neighbor lady.” When I’m not digging them so much because they parked in my space (again, seriously?), I call them other things.
I would like to rent some sheep to hold my parking place while I’m away, please. Or a clown. Or a guy in a panda suit. I need this guy’s rolodex.
Hmmm… I don’t know, clowns can be messy… Always leaving pie droppings everywhere.
I’ve heard of sheep.
Hey, me too! Aren’t they those smallish grazing mammals with woolly fleeces? They make a sound that most people transcribe as “baa” but sounds more like “maaaatt!” to me, as though there is a lost sheep out there somewhere named Matt and every sheep in the world is trying to help find him (I guess they are a very close-knit species).
(Sheep? close-knit? That was almost a pun!)
Hey, if I’m considering coming over to your place dressed as a clown, don’t make me feel cheap by mentioning panda suit guy and all the sheep you’ve had. I’m trying to meet you halfway on this fantasy, but I’d like to retain your respect.
My neighbour’s like this. He thinks in stereotypes, and because I’m female and over 30 that must mean I’m an ultra-ultra-conservative “crazy cat lady” who’s going to be peering out at him because I’m a jealous bitch. I finally had to put blinds on all my west-facing windows (and never use my deck) because if I do he’s there with the snide comments and the rude gestures.
He stopped it this summer when another neighbour took him aside and pointed out that I was about as far from the stereotype as possible and that I wasn’t peering into his yard, I was just using my own deck (and his rudeness had prevented me from doing that). But these young guys…they get the idea into their heads that everyone who isn’t just like them is jealous of them, and they base their judgments of everyone around them on that. I don’t think it’s ever occurred to my neighbour that I don’t care what he does or who he is; I just want to live in peace and not be stereotyped.
So I take it you weren’t impressed by the sheep mowing the yard?
This is great. You know the old lady next door is pretty fuckin freaked out by now haha.
Can’t sleep, Mime will pretend to eat me! +.+
I love mimes. Notsomuch clowns. Can I come over to watch the mime get drunk?
I don’t like mimes. I always have to drown them out with my unplugged stereo.
Don’t you know that a mime is a terrible thing to waste?
oh my fucking goodness.. some quick research informed me that this GEM lives in my city. possibly one of my favorite posts of all time.. therefore i will continue my investigations and return with some follow up if possible 🙂
i love you YSaC, you are my sunshine on a cloudy day.
A clown isn’t a bad idea…but a mime is better! Having a conversation with a mime would be sure to scramble the neighbor’s mind a bit! I need to send this person my lawn flock though. He could make them some bbq. You can “flock” people by putting a hundred pink flamingos in their yard. People will pay you to do this too. It is awesome! Or at least to me…who loves what this guy is doing to his neighbor.
I once had a mime friend…..but he stopped talking to me.
When the man and I got our first apartment together it took us a few weeks to realize the girls living in the apartment above us were ‘pros’. After many nights with little to no sleep (either loud noises from their rooms or their ‘friends’ honking outside our window) my friends decided to take action. They showed up one after the other at nine AM (their sleeping time) wearing clown costumes or other such rediculous outfits. That wasn’t what caused them to move out, apparently landlords don’t like you running your ‘business’ out of their apartment building, but it did make them tone it down a little.
Want to hold you, want to hold you tight, get teenageclowning kicks right through the night…
Eeep, that teenage was supposed to be slashed out. Where’s the edit button? *Panics!*
An “upgrade” to the edit button plugin caused the text size of each succeeding reply to double, so I’ve disabled it until they fix it or until I find a better edit solution.
See, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, as they say. (Where “they” = Cinderella, of course.)
Annoyed Dude, panda suit guy, clown, midget clown, a sheep, and a mime.
Each gets a lawn chair.
They line them up just along the property line and sit.
Facing neighbor lady’s house.
Just watching.
Neighbor lady will probably move.
He is so full of shit.
I do not believe that sheep can be adequately used for lawn care!
I prefer goats. They’ll eat anything!
Sheep are great at munching lawns. Shepherd’s are often invited to graze their sheep on over-grown graveyards.
Goats will leave you with no garden. Just a large muddy patch and lots of droppings.
Now I really want to mow my lawn with sheep. Too bad I live in the middle of a city on the top floor of an apartment building and so have no lawn. But I do have a neighbor who keeps a rooster (in the middle of the city! why???) and boy would I like to come up with some way to bug him as much as that stupid rooster bugs me. Hmm… I wonder how roosters feel about clowns…
Oh and I just wanted to say that I got the title this time! I feel like part of the group! Can I be one of the cool kids now?
What’s funny is that my best friend JUST started a blog of bad neighbor stories. I’ve never shamelessly plugged someone’s site on another, but it’s pretty funny.
http://theneighborfromhell.blogspot.com/
Mine is the Thanksgiving one….and believe me, the smell was worse than anything you can imagine.
First of all, best title ever.
Second, I would seriously consider doing it. Maybe get a friend to go with me for backup and some sort of clown act. I’d do it just to find out why he’s antagonizing his neighbor with weird stunts. Frankly, he (or she, but I’m thinking he) sounds like the kind of person who would make for an awesome three hours.
This post is awesome! This sounds like something I would do just kicks n giggles with weirding out my neighbors. Sorry I didn’t think of it.
A few years ago I was at a different job and supervised this guy named Eric who also made low-budget films. Some involving clowns. He also did a fair bit of (admittedly hilarious) prank calling, which he taped. If this *isn’t* his CL post, then there are two minds like that out there!
“I once lived in a condo complex that had fairly strict regulations about holiday decorations; residents were only allowed to decorate two weeks before a holiday and one week after.”
I don’t know about you, but my personal faith observes Halloween every Friday afternoon. 😉