YSaC, Vol. 1747: With apologies to Rob Van Winkle
2014 August 25
OLD ELECTRIC CLOTHES PRESSURE – $30
VENTAGE ELECTRIC CLOTHES PRESSURE WOKS WELL 27″ wide 50 YRS OLD
dun dun dun da da dun dun,
da dun dun dun da da dun dun…
Pressure,
Pushing down on pants,
Pushing down on shirts,
no man has worn
Under pressure,
That gets your seams all flat
takes your wrinkles out
can leave scorch marks
It’s the terror of knowing
This machine has a mouth,
The knobs look like eyes
Screaming “Let Me Out!”
Thanks for this scary appliance, Susan!
And when you’re not pressing clothes, you can line it with greaseproof paper and use it to make toasted sandwiches.
You do realize you would have left the sparkii behind at “greaseproof paper,” right?
On purpose.
*holds up plastic wrap*
Sweet! I have lots of this stuff.
Where’s all that black smoke coming from?
“WOKS WELL” — good for stir-fried shirts?
Or stir-fried T-shits.
I find this doubly disturbing this morning (which has not gotten off to the best start).
First the cooking abomination which would be a “pressure wok” just is defeating my culinary mind (with or without David Bowie musical accompaniment).
Second, the dimension being expressed in inch-years is putting the Descartes in front of the horse. Was this equipment larger or smaller 25 years’ ago? Does not knowing this explain the off-yellow shift it is demonstrating? What the Schwartsheild, this has my poor brane walking the Planck. No doubt, I’ll make the Kessel run in 6 parsecs.
There’s so much wrong with this ad that I really have to vent about it.
I only hope someone doesn’t jacket.
*insert stupid Venn diagram here*
How Iron-ic…
Dan (BBUY), with all due respect, there is no need to apologize to Rob Van Winkle. He should be apologizing to us.
Perfect for that Just Masticated look.
No man has worn awok? Surely not? This could be a new challenge!!
I can’t…I mean..wha….?
Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or the aftereffects of yesterday’s migraine, but I swear the “pressure” has a face, and it is judging me, so much judging, and I fear, no, not fear, anticipate, no, not anticipate, it’s more of a fearful anticipation or an anticipating fear, the point being, I fearfully anticipate that this judging face of pressure shall find me lacking and seek to remove me from the world, somehow, perhaps by encasing me in its pressurized jaws of doom.
Or maybe, I just need a nice long nap.
Hammy! Good Doggie! Punchity Punch Punch!
How cute, he’s playing dead.
Good Morning, Scary Appliance Fans!
Dammit, old electric clothes pressure, I’m tired of trying to live up to your impossible standards! “Don’t go out in that ridiculous jumpsuit,” you said. “Those pants make your ass look like the Hindenburg,” you said. “That shade of mauve went out with the 8-track tape,” you said. “Nobody will take you seriously, you’ll never get a good job or find someone to marry unless you dress for success,” you said. You’re worse than Stacy, Clinton, Simon Cowell, and Judge Judy all rolled into one! Well, I’ve had it! I’m putting you and your stupid cockeyed gawk on Craigslist. You can torment some other poor schmuck from now on. How do you like them apples? Yes, I said “them apples,” what are you going to do about it??? YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!!!!!!
Sorry for the ventage, I just had to get that off my chest.
But Stacy’s mom, I have heard, has got it going on…
Edit: Nesting fail…
Hey, I’m 50 YRS old too.
I’m less than 27″ wide.
I’m more than 27″ around.
I am a clothes pressure.
The pressure is in an outward direction.
I’m not electric.
I do, however, have a little ventage going on.
I don’t know how to fling doors at dan’s[BBUH] Pressure song.
Sparky has problems trying to ex pressure himself.