YSaC, Vol. 1668: He’s training to jump the channel
2014 February 21
strong people needed
seeking strong person to carry athlete up 3 flights of stairs for the next 2 weeks. will need to meet me at apartment once a day to carry me up stairs to keep me from exhaustion while training. small compensation will be given. but you will feel really good about yourself.
Presumably this is some new definition of “athlete,” with which I was previously unacquainted. While I’m sure dragging Sparky here up and down the stairs is probably pretty good exercise, I SERIOUSLY doubt enabling them will make me feel good about myself.
Thanks for sending this, Buff!
Uh, you dint say nuttin ’bout no carpet ‘n’ margarine . . .
That word… I do not think it means what you think it means.
This seems oddly specific. I am not even sure what to think. Maybe more coffee will help my brain.
STRONG PEOPLE NEEDED
_____________________________
I’m in training for the Boston Marathon, and I need some strong people to push me around town in a wheelbarrow so I can become familiar with the route and to keep me from exhaustion while training. It may be small compensation, but you WILL feel really good about yourself. (trust me, you will)
I think a wheelbarrow Boston Marathon would be the MOST AWESOME THING EVEY! Sign me up! You’re pushing, right, Jazzy?
I think he already did his time for pushing, and has reformed. Or did I dream it?
you know, Windy, that definition of “pushing” never occurred to me until you mentioned it…
Maybe I need to quit hangin’ with this rough crowd.
— bump, bump, bump —
Oh, bother! ♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-26195258
This Pooh was large enough to clog a sewer.
Egad! What kind of monster has Poohs like that?!
I think I went to school with one of Sparky’s relatives, a gifted science student who routinely wanted me to help him with his physics homework.
Let me guess… This is actually Justin Bieber, and this is a repeat of his Great Wall of China incident.
(P.S. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed that I know anything about Justin Bieber.)
TC, as your previous letter-C counterpart, I am sympathetic to your pain.
Have some coffee slices, they’ll make you feel better.
Some people just avoid stairs.
I was expecting a dalek, but that’s good too.
Daleks are just cheaters, man. Just once, I’d like to find a way to stop the thing from following me that won’t make me look like an idiot when it doesn’t work!
Tell them they’re the new janitor and point them to a toilet that their little plunger arm can unclog?
I said WON’T make me look like an idiot, Silva!
http://weknowmemes.com/tag/this-shit-literally-drives-me-up-a-fucking-wall/
But Sparky! You already have a pair of strong helpers to carry you up the stairs!
They’re called YOUR LEGS.
A great way to train, build muscle, and lose weight is… to run up stairs. If sparkster is so worried about becoming exhausted, maybe he should cut down his time at the gym (or time running, or whatever it is he does) and use that energy to get home.
I mean, clearly, he lives a few floors up, so it’d be good for him to get a headstart now.
Ooh, I know! We need to get a giant slingshot for the asked strong helpers to fire Sparky up the stairs with!
What? Collateral damage? Pfft! You act like he’s gonna bash his skull through the ceiling!
I vote trebuchet!
I’m down with that.
Sparky Chunkin’ 2014
I always vote trebuchet.
Is trebuchet running in the Canadian national elections?
Wouldn’t surprise me, America’s Hat is odd. I hear they put gravy on French fries.
I . . .don’t. Understand. Your ad. Can’t you. Use. A stunt. Double?
Uh oh, guys, Windy’s gone all Shatner on us again. Somebody get the leaf blower and a tennis ball.
Trebuchet!
Hammy! Cheers!
The aye’s have it, we’re building a trebuchet.
Now, I need a pair of strong helpers to help me carry the materials to the build site so that I won’t get so exhausted in the process.
I know just the redneck! Personal friends with Fat Jimmy of Punkin’ Chunkin’ fame!
If that’s true, I say you should win the comment section this week by default.
It is true! And he’s the sweetest dirty old biker you could ever meet! He still plays Santa every year at my husband’s work even though he hasn’t worked there in like 5 years!
Although he will pat momma’s rear end when you sit on his lap 😉
Well, color me legitimately shocked.
And hey, some things you just can’t help when playing Santa, you know?
I used to live in that neck of the woods and can attest – a nicer bunch of rednecks you’ll never encounter.
Also needed: brow mopper, shoe tier, sweat band adjuster, and wedgie picker. And if you could give me a lift to the gym as well, that would be great.
Wedgie Picker is the name of my comedy rock-band, doing a cover of Men Tights.
And my comment is now an innuendo, because my keyboard saw fit to delete “in”, for some reason.
First your phone, and now your keyboard. I believe technology has it in for you.
Technology’s had it out for me for years, what else is new?
Brow Mopper is the name of my Husker Du cover band.
“Wonder if I should build a robot, so it can peel me a grape?”
So, C””J and camille, you’ve been together in the box for a week. Give or take. I hope you are prepared for this. PUNCHITY PUNCH PUNCH!
Good Morning, Your Honor, and Members of the Jury.