YSaC, Vol. 1663: Calamitous, cataclysmic, ruinous, tragic…
2014 February 10
Comfy couch $100
Asking $100 on this super comfy couch. No major rips or tears on couch. Please call ###-###-#### and ask for #######. Thank you.
I would definitely agree that “Major” is not the correct word to describe the rips and or tears in this couch.
Perhaps “catastrophic” would be better.
Or perhaps “disastrous?”
I might even go so far as to invoke “apocalyptic.”
But definitely not simply “major.”
Thanks for the couch, Elisha!
You’re not very good at arts and crafts are you, Sparky? I’ve seen better taping skills from my 4 year old.
Tits aside, I know the perfect table to go with this couch.
Oh, that? That’ll wipe off with just a dab of leather lotion.
It puts the lotion on the sofa…
Or it gets the tape again.
This comfy couch has been used on many a heretic, and it shows. You should see the soft cushions.
“No major rips”? [skeptical expression]
So, these are Captain, or Lieutenant rips, instead?
Or, more likely, a collection of burns of every kind, from incense to that entire Lionel Richie cheese head that was tumped over. Oh, and that time the grater was lost and the sofa kept making that noise.
All of which could have been corrected with vinyl upholstery tape, which would have a vaguely-matching color and matching texture.
Or is this one of those situations where one applies a throw-rug over the entire assemblagé?
I believe a better choice would be to throw gasoline over the entire assemblage.
Gasoline, a match, and insurance fraud.*
*This post does not constitute legal advice.
No “major” rips but, in “general” majorly ripped.
No Capn, those are private rips. Not known to the public.
PFC-rips, shoot, LCpl-rips, title is not the problem, it’s the corporeality.
That, and continuing to imagine what sort of combination of fluorescent fauz shag fur rugs were tossed over that, er, furnishing, that the shiny tape remained invisible even after photography.
But, I’m also recovering (just) from a cluster of concurrent illnesses which involved bad dreams, fevers, and sleep deprivation–I’m just a bit detached from normal-normal right now. (I’m frightened to doze off, lest the Scolari-bauhaus fusion design as built by Iwrin Allen circa 1979 evoke all 7651 floors of its ‘arcology’ at me again, like it did three times sequentially this morning.)
Comes with a free Great Dane. Doesn’t chew on anything. Nope, not at all.
But does it come with an Ottoman?
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Duct tape is exactly like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the galaxy together.
So THAT’s where my roll of duct tape went…I’ve told you kids to stay out of my stuff!!!!
No!!!! chicken is more like the Force. You know, white meat and dark meat. Duct tape is a pain in the you know what. Especially when it gets stuck to your fur.
This comfy couch is made entirely out of duct tape. When we ran out of duct tape, we filled in with leather, but we don’t think the leather parts detract from the essential ducttapiness of the comfy couch.
I am going to use “ducttapiness” as many times as possible today. Love it!
I could have gotten $100 for that? All I got was a week with his dog, Lady!
I guess I suck at craigslist too.
Y’all are totally missing the point of this ad. You’re only focusing on the one or two flaws. Sure the cushions may have a few minor craters, but THE COUCH has no rips. And I mean, really, so little of that couch is made of cushions…
…anymore.
I wonder which story is more interesting/terrifying – the source of the duct tape-hidden scars or the reason both ends are gone. Probably the second one. I mean what could cause damage so severe that liberal use of duct tape can’t fix?
Hmmmm.
1 unsupervised toddler – or – 1 desperate athlete
2 toddlers and an unshared shiny thing – or – 2 drunken SB and a Shiney thing
3 tweens with sports beverages – or – 3 post-athletics & intoxicants
4 JV athletes w/ more Axe than brains – or – 4 oilfield hands w/ good intentions
lastly, 5 unsupervised cadets.
I could probably come up with more, but these are the only one’s I could think of specifically having achieved the standard set.
Or one bored labrador retriever. Possibly with a Springer spaniel sidekick.
And a partridge in a pear tree!
I’m sure you all are misinterpreting Sparky’s use of “rips” and “tears”. You see, Sparky and his buddies have used this comfy couch for years. Sure, they’ve ripped a few and some have even caused their eyes to water. But very few of their tears ever hit the couch. At least not enough to cause water damage. And though they have been letting them rip for years, most of the smell has dissipated (except for what they have sealed into it with the duct tape). I’m sure when you carry it out to your truck to haul it away, it will air out enough to be acceptable to the dump.
Those aren’t rips and tears, they’re cuts. This is a dissectional couch. They used duct tape because they didn’t have the proper sutures.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2y8Sx4B2Sk
You’re reading it wrong. Of course there are rips and tears IN the couch, but for your own safety, Sparky is advising that no rips or tears be allowed ON the couch. That could reverse the polarity and cause violent and unpredictable disturbances in the space/time continuum. Nobody wants to clean that up.
This is not a ripped/torn couch, it’s a cleverly disguised safe for valuable trinkets, cash and pets.
No, that’s not the exposed springs….the snake sometimes bites if you disturb him.
There are no major rips or tears visible. Punctures, burns, abrasions, mastications, and general disintegration of the cheap Chinese pig leather is not mentioned by Sparky. The couch is still super comfy for some.
Would you say one would stick to this couch in hot weather? I don’t abide.
I hope not.
The perfect addition to your frat house chic ensemble.*
*please use frufru French prudential pronunciation
Sparky must be majoring in Political Sciences.
What are you saying about political science majors?
“I love crack! Will you buy this couch so I can buy crack?!”
The photo is proof of the old adage that “There are many ways to skin a couch.”
This couch has Cat Scratch Fever……
They were going for the baked potato wrapped in foil look.