YSaC, Vol. 1655: I can swing my sword.
Sword (cursed) – $100
Looking to sell my sword. The power and temptation are too much to bear anymore. Here’s a little bit about the sword:
42″ blade, Cursed so that it will kill a man every time it is used and will be the cause of three great evils.
* Forged by magic, handle carved from the tree Barnstokkr.
* Cutting strength and durability beyond that of an ordinary weapon.
* Unbreakable by anything but wrongful acts of its wielder.
* Bursts into flame when wielder is challenged or in danger.
* Under the correct circumstances can sever its victim’s head in one blow!
* Frightens unworthy opponents and the elderly.$100 or best offer. Also willing to trade for other cursed items.
Hmmm. I don’t know if I’ve got anything cursed lying around here, but I have some haunted furniture and a haunted painting you might be interested in.
Wait, I’m trying to understand this sword’s special powers. It’s cursed so that it will kill your opponent? Isn’t that a good thing, assuming that your opponent isn’t Joey from down the street? And apparently it kills your opponent by … bursting into flame. Now, I’m no Medieval specialist, but I was under the impression that swords were supposed to be more on the solid spectrum than the fire spectrum. It seems it is also responsible for the three great evils of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, and Titanic 2: Mermaid Saviors. Okay, now we’re talking power.
Although, I think I’d like a sword that would not break when I rip the tags off my mattress with it.
Thanks, Angel!
ugh. Sorry all I have is gibberish. Perhaps I’m cursed. Even some inflammation–but the creme seems to be working . . .
Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. If I brought this into the same house with my headboard with bad juju, I might start a chain reaction of supernatural awfulness.
Kind Sir,
I hereby demand the return of my sword, as there are many enemies within my country (and without) for which the sword is the only defense.
Also, Lancelot needs a good beheading for his, ahem, indiscretions with my wife.
Sincerely,
King Arthur of Camelot
I used to trade with King Arthur of Flour. But, the soufflé has risen and fallen upon that regime.
Oh, I do love “a good beheading”.
Step 1: obtain magical sword to vanquish my elderly enemies
Step 2: discover curse
Step 3: accidentally burn down my great hall
Step 4: profit
Better luck next time, Beowulf
I didn’t realize Ikea was making swords now. Do I have to assemble it and does my ability to read cryptic pictogram instructions affect its curse and/or effectiveness?
I got one of those cursed swords from Ikea once, I tried putting it together and ended up with a trebuchet.
And I still had a couple of little widgets left over.
I curse A LOT any time I put anything together from Ikea.
The Sword and the Stoned
Is this CL post from Colorado?
I found the gaping plot hole in your saga, Sparky:
The sword kills a man every time it is used. You know of its power, which means you must have used it already or seen someone else use it. And yet, it breaks if the wielder commits a wrongful act. Such as… killing another person. So tell me, how does this thing still exist?
I know. I am absolutely no fun at all.
It was a “stand your ground” situation. Or, as they all it, “You! Shall! Not! Pass!”
I’ll take “Swords” for $100 Trebek.
Scimitar!
You need to answer in the form of a question.
Where is my scimitar?
FIFY
Does your scimitar lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?
FINALLY!!!! The answer to our student behavioral problems in our schools! May I borrow this sword for a few days? I promise to return it with only a few scorch-marks. I’m tired of being cursed by sixth graders….and sweet-faced little girls at that!!!
I will take the sword to Mordor!
Do you know the way?
Isn’t it on the way to San José?
I should be good as long as I make that left at Albuquerque.
…Or was it a right?
Actually, I could use a sexy exiled-king-turned-freelance-ranger-going-by-the-pseudonym-“Strider” as a guide.
No elf chicks.
You and me both, Meeshie.
So…it’s the sword of MoreDoors, lets see if it works…
The temptation to use a sword that bursts into flame and murders people is too much to bear? Sparky must work with the public.
There are just those special people that you meet who make you think “Why hasn’t anyone hit you over the head with a clue-by-four yet?”
Ow!
So does this mean you swear at the sword when you use the sword?
Do you swear at your enemy when you use the sword?
Do you swear at the sword when it bursts into flame?
Do you swear at the sword when it breaks?
This precisely why soul reapers are meant to wait ten years before attempting to achieve bankai with their zampakuto.
Does this mean if it is used against a woman, somewhere in the world a man dies?
What if I use it to cut down a tree?
Even cheese?
Like selling a cursed sword on CL?
Like when you get to a door that says “PULL”?
It’ll huff. It’ll puff. It’ll blow your head off.
Ha! You’ve never seen Granny wield her walker have you?
Really? Let’s see.
*grabs sword*
*walks up to door that says “PULL”*
*push on door*
*sword bursts into laughter*
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Okay, maybe it’s just you.
Brings a who new meaning to “point guard”.
Who new brewn cue.
Don’t want anything that bursts into flame. It’s bad enough when things burst into tissues.
Be careful — this might put an eye out.
a corey: I think this was Odin the One-eyed’s sword (see my eye warning up above). I was waiting to see if someone else posted this.
Sorrowful Sparky seeks substitute slayer to sustain Soylent Green supply.
Anachronistic alliteration… Aclamatory approval amassed!
It’s not a greatsword. I’m not even sure I’d call it a prettygoodsword. It’s a mediocresword at best.
Three Great Evils is my Nickel Back/Slipknot/Maroon 5 mashup band.
Harsh words indeed!
I will not lie that it took me a minute to remember nickel back’s name so I googled worst band ever and lo and behold, I was not failed!
With this cursed sword will I finally be able to defeat the horrors of the golden piccolo and earn my seat at the red table?
The sword is a LIE!
I recognize it.
Sparkles tried to use it on me once, but all it did was singe my beard.
Then again, a elderly gent across the street did die of a heart attack.
It may be a lie, but it can cook and cut cake at the same time!
Sparky’s Three Styled Sword
There once was a sword with a curse.
A C-note removed from your purse.
In magic was forged.
In flame it’s engorged.
For killing you needn’t rehearse.
The power, temptation, and three evils great.
Unbending, unyielding at all dangers’ gate.
A wielder, unwrongful, swing a fine weapon.
Opponents, beheaded, leave blood to step in.
Unworthy, the frightened, you’ll think of your fate.
Unbroken, Barnstokkr, but don’t show your mate.
Unbearable now
Elderly need not apply
Refrigerator
“Bursts into flame when wielder is challenged or in danger.”
Finally, a useful tool for internet flame wars. How do you attach it to a comment?
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Like that.
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There, I fixed it for you.
kelli, One, C””J, Punchity Punch Punch! Hey, stop all the cursing, will you?
Good Morning, Silly English K-niggits!
Clearly, this was the sword used in Highlander 2. That would explain all of this rot.
Today on YSaC, we probe the possibility of the existence of cursed swords.
Apologies for using the terms “probe” and “sword” in the same sentence.