YSaC, Vol. 1629: I Am Just A Microwave
2013 November 20
Expensive Stainless Steel Microwave
Stainless Steel Only about a year old and very clean in near perfect condition. Got an over the stove microwave so I have no use for this one any more. If you have a printer you can tell me via e-mail
Email me : [address]
From: dan@ysac.com
To: Sparky@aol.com
Re: Your Microwave
Hello. I saw your ad about the microwave, and wanted to let you know that I own a printer.
P.S. – You keep using that word, “Stainless Steel.” I do not think it means what you think it means.
—
Thanks, Dave!
Ah, yes, the elusive albino stainless steel microwave – coveted for its ability to resist fingerprints and communicate with printers wirelessly. It’s expensive you say? But is it ::: Gorgeous::: Gorgeous::: Gorgeous:::?
That actually looks like the microwave I own… Wait, is that my microwave?! Oh, no, I checked mine is still in the kitchen… Unless mine is trying to get away and posted that CL add!
I have a printer.
I have a microwave.
I have email.
I can identify stainless steel.
I win!
But can your printer send emails?
That is still a requirement, Windy.
*considers stuffing SC back in the box*
Sigh. Fine, my printer can scan and fax. So neener.
I’m only going back in the box if I have a flashlight and a sandwich this time! God knows I might get abandoned over the weekend again!
See, if you had night-vision goggles like mine you would have found the sammich dispenser.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm…sammiches!
*makes note to
stealborrow ghostie’s NVGs in case I ever get back in teh bawks*Mine probably can. It has a touch screen similar to an iphone that can connect to Facebook. I don’t even have a Facebook account. It’s one of those all-in-one things that scans and faxes too as well as has a photo printer on the bottom shelf. I never should have let the BestBuy guy talk me into buying it. I don’t fax. The scanner is blurry. You can print about 3 or 4 pages before it tells you it’s out of ink. It also shakes the whole desk when it prints.
I bought a separate scanner and I’d like a separate simple small printer. Doesn’t even need to be color. Just as long as it’s great on saving ink. (Suggestions?)
Shop a lot; as in going to all of the store web pages you can stand, then troll eBay and amazon, and half, CL. etc.
But, the sad truth is that, a stand-alone printer of the quality of the ones in the three-in-ones would MSRP for $15-20.
Market research, though, as proven that the market is steadfast on two things. One, that printers cannot cost less than the ink refills. Two, that printers ought to be more than $80-90.
That’s why virtually every retail store only carries 3-in-1 devices–the perception is that three $33 devices can sell at that elusive $100 price point; and printers with enough bells-and-whistles to justify MSRP of $120-150 just do not have broad retail customer appeal.
Inconceivable! It’s as if Sparky stole some random picture of the interwebz to avoid cleaning his microwave with a year’s worth of exploded hungry man meals…
My microwave is clean on the inside. It’s the outside that is stained.* The box said it was a macrowave**, but I figured that was just a typo.
*This is true.
**This may not be true.***
***This is ambiguous at best.
Accursed autocorrect, that’s supposed to read “brazenly stolen”. . .
Side note: My printer is in a stainless steel hue; but it neither sends nor receives texts.
Oh, hey! My mom’s office used to have that brands of stainless steel microwave!
Guess what?
It got stained by leftover lasagna and ended up frying its circuits.
How on earth was there ever leftover lasagna?
I have NO idea. I was only there so that I could do my homeschooling assignments in the unused back room where my mom could keep an eye on me.
Her coworkers have some incredible lunches, I guess.
How many times I gotta tell you?
Cover your mouth when you cough.
Cover your food when you nuke.
Cover your ass in sex ed class.
In my Sex Ed class, they taught us how to cover cucumbers.
Uh, ghostie, I thought I saw the line peeking around the corner of the lounge, but it ran off again. I wonder why?
:attempts to look innocent:
I have no idea, Mama Windy.
To which I retort:
Already do,
It wasn’t MY food,
Good advice.
If you have a dishwasher, you can tell me via fax.
Okay, but do I drop the soap pod in the paper slot and THEN dial the number, or is it the other way around?
Careful, SC…one of the first things you learn in prison….DON’T DROP THE SOAP!!!!!…pod or otherwise.
If you have a cell phone, you may inform me via singing telegraph.
If I have a laptop, you can tell me via lap-dance.
Not with my bad back. We’d both end up in traction.
If you have a
chiwawachewahacute little dog, you can tell me via catulater.This is what happens when my mother tries to sell things on Craigslist..with one exception – she’d also inform everyone that you can’t e-mail her because the computer she’s on is not working right now.
I like the new ‘stainless steel’ white plastic look, btw. Very chic.
Better see about those goggles, C””J. 8)
I strongly suspect “over the stove microwave” is just Sparky’s fancy term for frying pan. (It’s also probably the name of someone on this board’s cover band.)
If you have to put your microwave over another heat source, then maybe it’s not as microwavey as you might think.
Well, I do have to rub two sticks together to get it hot.
Yeah, I’ll be in my bunk, in the sticky corner.
Dear Sparky; That looks suspiciously like the microwave I got rid of about a year ago. It was 20+ years old and leaking around the door. I would have sent you an email but my printer is in a funk right now; won’t talk to me so it’s the same as not having one.
[Yay, GG is back! Hi, GG!]
Dear Sparky….I am interested in your Stainless Steel Only. My old Only was made from Formica laminate, and didn’t work very well. I tried to e-mail you via my printer, but it just kept returning my message (by spitting it back at me on a piece of paper)….maybe I need an over the stove printer????? I’ll check those out on the interwebnet thingie……
I don’t know if you would call them printers, but my new boots make great prints in the snow.
Would you like me to send you a print via your butt?
I think Sparky’s onto something. If one were to combine the new 3d printers with microwaves, one could make all kinds of interesting and useful objects out of bacon.
The only useful object I can think of that you can make with bacon is bacon.
Clearly, you are not familiar with the bacon tuxedo.
Perfect for the Halloween party when your SO is going as Lady Gaga.
Also, Tacos!!!!.
Mmmmmm. Now that is a taco.
Taco has a weave? Made of bacon?
I’ve seen 3D printers that used chocolate, so it might be possible to use bacon if it were first turned into some kind of bacon-based paste or gel.
Bacon aioli?
(It’s totally a thing. Red Robin is amazing.)
All your bacon-base are belong to us.
I was a vegetarian for about 12 years. Bacon finally won me back for the carnivores. NPR recently ran a story that provided scientific evidence why bacon is the downfall of many a vegetarian. Quite interesting really. As an aside ( to this obvious already an aside) I am deep into a two year bacon war with one of my good friends where we send each other all the ridiculous bacon things we find on the internet. Believe me, there’s no shortage. I’ve already seen all the links above, and could probably add a hundred more. Unfortunately I don’t know how to do the cool link through text thing….
[food science corey]The protein/fat content & composition in bacon means that you could “sinter” it and fuse the particles thus made with a directed heat source.
Which is what the sterolithography machines already do.
Trickiest part would likely be in finding a food-grade neutral carrier fluid.
I’m wanting to remember that this has already been experimented with, and that the only real complaint was that the variegated appearance of bacon was lost, from the source particles being too uniform.
[/corey]
You could do something with a sodium alginate/bacon mixture in a calcium lactate bath, but you’d still run into the same problem with it being uniform in appearance. More of a Jerky Printer than a Bacon Printer.
If I’m remembering rightly, the process involved par-cooking the bacon, then partial dehydration before a slicing/grating operation on the dried edge to yield particles in the 1-1.5mm x 1.75-2mm range. The sinters retain enough fat that heating will cause them to sizzle up and bond the sinters together.
Well I’ve heard NASA is developing a 3D printer that will print pizza.
http://www.popsci.com/article/technology/watch-3-d-printer-make-pizza
looks like a square poptart. mmm
Hi Sparky,
I assume you included a photo of an electronic device in your ad because that is where you keep your microwave. I don’t need another kitchen appliance, but I am very interested in acquiring your stainless steel microwave. All my microwaves are high frequency energy; I would love to experiment with waves of solid matter even if it hertz.
I do have a printer that I use to make copies of pictures of marine mammals. If you are willing to trade, I can email you some examples of the prints of whales.
Yr, humble & obedient savant,
Ishmael
That’s two.
But who’s counting?
Thank god Sparky put “expensive” in the heading. That’s always the first thing I look for in a used unstainless steel-substitute appliance.
I think I had that exact same microwave for a couple years, which was a hand-me-down from my MiL and I think it was same one that she’s had since she and her husband moved into their first house. By the time we finally junked it, the plastic was smoke-stained yellow and made weird buzzing/crackling sounds when we used it. My husband’s worried he might be sterile.
Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?
News have I, that my microwave is dead i’ the breakroom
Of malady of France;
And there my Jiffy-pop is quite cut off.
Old I do wax; and from my weary limbs
Appliance is cudgelled. Well, bawd I’ll turn,
And lean to cutpurse of quick hand, .
To Craigslint will I steal, and there I’ll steal:
And patches will I get unto these appliance’d scars,
And swear I got them in the Gevallia wars.
Dear Self: Look out! Punchity Punch Punch! Ow. Who forgot to put the helmet back last time?
Good Morning, Stainless Steel Rats!