YSaC, Vol. 1628: George seeks Ursula
2013 November 18
$400 Female to share 1bdr condo with mature male
Mature male seeking female to share 1bdr condo. Have 2 cats, birds – Utilize full use of condo-twin beds – Must be open minded, platonic living arrangements. Fully furnished. Seeking companionship more than a roomate. Heading into retirement.
There’s really only one thing that bothers me here: He mentions having cats and birds. He says nothing about beagles. Meaning the dogs in picture two are stuffed. So he’s got Fido and Rover preserved in the den. That’s a little creepy.
Everything else seems perfectly normal to me – who’s ready to move right in?
Thanks for the link, Jen!
“$400 Female”? C’mon, Spark’ at least go for OBO, you do not want to miss out on that $415 chika-chicka-bow-wow . . .
Not real sure just what dimensions a “condo-twin” bed might have. Given that only one bed is shown in the photos the possibility that con-dominion use of the bed is meant is frightening. Given the decor, equally frightening is the possibility that “condor bed” was actually meant, too.
Hopefully the call “Free Willie!” is never heard…
I’d like to apply please.
There are three immediate questions I have, (1) why does every photo have the tag ‘jungle’, (2) do you supply sunglasses? and (3) can you confirm that the phrase ‘heading into retirement’ is not a euphemism for ‘you will never be sen again by any of your friends and loved ones once you’ve ulitized full use of condo twin beds’?
Many thanks for your kind consideration of my application which I’m sure will be one of many*
* this may or may not be true
Sincerely yours
Who did the interior design of this condo? Aslan?
Here are my questions before I sign on the dotted euphemism.
1. Are your kidneys in good working order?
2. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker?
3. How much is your pension from retirement going to be?
Sincerely,
Widow Black
Oh, thanks! You’re going to make me put myself in the box today. And I have stuff to do! At least I can redecorate while I’m in there. Now, this dolphin will look terrible over the bar, and this stuffed dog will give the fireplace a mildly creepy tone.
Don’t forget the plastic palms on the French perversional nightstands.
SC and ghostie, do forgive me for leaving you in the box over the weekend. It seemed the thing to do at the time. So does this. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, HomeFinders!
It was dark in the box, Windy!
Oh, that was my fault. I was testing out my new night-vision goggles. FYI, you could do with a haircut.
IRL, I actually do need a haircut. XD
We know.
Walking through forests of palm tree apartments —
Scoff at the monkeys who live in their dark tents
Down with their stuffed beagles — drunk every Friday —
In their twin beds — saving their dinettes for Sunday.
Lions and eagles adorn the wallpaper —
So come to my condo and join in the caper.
Let’s bungle in the jungle — well, that’s all right by me.
I’m a lion when I want love,
But I’m a deer if we disagree.
Dearest King of the Beasts Wannabe,
I am laughing at you.
Hugs and Sharp Teeth,
Hy Eena
David Attenborough voice over:
And here we see the middle aged creepster in his native environment. Surrounded by huge fatheads of majestic animals in what we are assured is a condo, although this is generally a euphemism for “my mother’s basement.” He is in desperate search of a life mate to enjoy the feeling of the great outdoors without ever actually leaving ones “condo”.
Jacque Cousteau voice over:
Vaht hash dees animal done to zee dolphins!
That sounds more like Jacques Cousteau’s German cousin, Jann Koustol.
Well, in my head it sounds pretty French! You have to pinch your nose to get the accent.
Definitely not mothers basement, rather this is clearly creepy cabin in the deep and dark woods. Actually looks rather like several cabins scattered throughout Alaska.
Another sad case of dolphin erotica gone terribly awry
Well, dolphin erotica is generally much tamer than shark erotica. Much less bloody.
Another great case of dolphin erotica done awesomely right!….there, fixed it for you.
Nobody writes Dolphin Erotica like David Brin. 8)
But nothing beats amoeba erotica.
I never thought that I could look at an amoeba and legitimately go, “Okay, what the hell?”
What about raptor erotica?
http://www.jamesleffler.com/2012/04/11/root-her/
Okay! Now that is Jur-Assic ghosty.
I have fanfics for every occasion, even if it is an occasion that you never wanted to know existed.
Dave, that made me happy. Sigh, I miss the Far Side.
ghostcat, the raptor erotica was…um…well…that shit just creeped me out!
Which is a perfectly reasonable reaction to that particular work.
At least Pee-Wee finally redecorated his playhouse. All those puppets and talking furniture were just plain creepy. Makes it hard to have women over.
or…having women over makes it hard…..uh, did I just say that last part out loud????
It’s true!Honestly!I’m pretty sure the condo, much like its owner, has never known a woman’s touch.
Which came first – running out of flat surfaces to plaster with images of wildlife or running out of pictures of wildlife to plaster on flat surfaces?
I choose a third option:
Running out of condo to adorn with mildly creepy decorations.
Mildly creepy?
Heading into retirement? Looking for “companionship,” with a twin bed, AND asking for $400?
Jeez, and they say Millenials are entitled.
Lions and dolphins and deer. Oh my.
You know, if you splurged, you might get a bionic female.
Fembots FTW!!!
Do you think this guy’s condo has a specific porpoise?
Do you think lion might be a means to an end?
A mature male of what species?
My condolences on the condemnable condition of the condo.
Were those tigers in the last picture?
Yes….uh, no…uh, why do you ask?